Ephesians 5:22-33 - The Real Cinderella Story

You are listening to a message from Southwood Presbyterian Church in Huntsville, Alabama.

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We have made our way through Ephesians to the end of chapter 5. We're getting close. Hang in there.

We've made it to the part of Ephesians where Paul begins to address marriage and family relationships.

And so we're going to slow down for about four weeks and get to talk about those really important subjects together over the next four Sundays.

We're not only going to talk about it during worship on Sunday mornings,

but we'll have a chance to sit down together over lunch and have a dialogue and a Q&A.

There's a lot to talk about these days with these significant issues, and some of it's better done conversationally.

So we're going to do that at what we call Pastors on the Patio. That's scheduled for September 1st, by the way.

So we'll have a lot of opportunity to be talking about these things together in the weeks ahead.

But I want us to remember as we talk about marriage that these verses we're about to read are not isolated from the rest of Ephesians.

The whole book of Ephesians has been talking and teaching us about how we are connected in Christ.

Connected to God through Christ and then also to each other.

That we're linked together into one body to house the Spirit of God, to magnify the grace of God.

So when you see this image of the hands being held, remember that that's just one link in the larger chain.

That when we've talked about Ephesians all the way through, we've used a different image for the book of Ephesians,

but it looks very similar.

You see the hands being held there?

Those hands are just one piece of the larger body, the family that God has brought together through His Son.

We're not leaving that in order to talk about marriage.

We're talking about a particular relationship within the body of Christ.

One link in the larger family established for God's glory and for our good.

So all of us, married, single, divorced, young and old, all of us are to be living as God's holy and beloved children,

filled with the Spirit.

It's in that context I want you to hear the following words that you hear at many weddings.

They are God's words and needful for all of us this morning.

Ephesians 5 at verse 22, the Word of God.

Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord.

For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, His body, and is Himself its Savior.

Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her,

that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word,

so that He might present the church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing,

that she might be holy and without blemish.

In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.

He who loves his wife loves himself.

For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it,

just as Christ does the church, because we are members of His body.

Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife,

and the two shall become one flesh.

This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.

However, let each one of you love his wife as himself,

and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Pray with me.

Father, thank You for this, Your Word.

We are grateful that You have not left us alone,

but have given us Your guidance for our lives.

You have spoken into our lives,

and we, Your people, would desire to hear from You this morning,

not from any man, but to hear Your words.

Holy Spirit, You must speak to our hearts.

Would You do what You love to do and shine the spotlight on Jesus,

that we would see Him clearly,

that we would love Him more,

and that it would change our lives.

We do ask that You would do that in His name.

Amen.

Ah, marriage.

Isn't it just always like that?

Don't you love marriage?

Cinderella and Prince Charming,

gazing into each other's eyes,

dancing through life together.

Such a wonderful picture, isn't it?

Marriage, that's what we're going to talk about.

Now, you're chuckling because this is a fairy tale, isn't it?

That's what we call Cinderella.

We call it a fairy tale.

Most of the marriages that you and I know

don't look like this most days

and don't spend most of our time doing that.

That's not what you think of

when you think of marriage.

But I do think in many ways

we dream and we hope

that marriage will make us like that,

don't we?

I'll be honest.

When I was engaged to Christi,

I remember thinking something along those lines.

I was pretty sure at that point in my life

that I was somewhere close to Prince Charming

and that marrying my Cinderella

was basically just going to finish the process.

Any small things that were lacking,

she was going to come in

and of course be delighted to be with me.

Of course, that was a given.

But yeah, there were some rough edges

and she'd rub some of those off

and then not all of life would be easy.

I knew that,

but we were going to be together

and we were going to be

looking lovingly into each other's eyes

and dancing all the time

no matter what was happening.

That's what marriage was like

coming out of college.

You may not have ever used those words exactly.

Hopefully I didn't.

But you've probably thought something

not too different from that.

When we think about marriage

and when we talk about it,

we do think a lot about

how it's going to make us

the best version of me, right?

How's it going to make me a better me?

That marriage is going to make me feel good

and fulfill my desires,

the unmet longings that I have.

That it will make my life better

and more fulfilling.

That's what marriage is about.

I'd suggest to you

that's the standard view of marriage

in our culture these days.

That marriage is primarily about me.

I believe it's similar in our minds too.

That we say things when marriage gets hard

like this just isn't working for me.

This isn't what I expected.

This is not what I signed up for.

We talk in marriage about things like compatibility

by which we often mean

somebody who I can enjoy,

I can get along with.

Someone who will make me a better person,

that I can partner with and benefit from.

It's in many ways about me.

And not all of that is wrong or bad in itself.

But I think we misuse

and overemphasize that perspective.

And we miss God's highest intent.

His grand design for marriage.

Notice in this passage

what Paul does

as he starts talking about our relationships.

When he talks about marriage

he doesn't even stay on husband and wife.

Like you'd think

if you were going to talk about marriage

that's what you got.

Husband and wife.

Paul can't stop talking about Jesus

and the church, can he?

Almost every time he gets started.

And in case you haven't noticed

when he gets to verse 32

he says,

by the way all of this that I'm saying

what I'm really talking about

is Christ and the church.

It's a mystery he says.

But from the very beginning

of the institution of marriage

in the Garden of Eden

this is what God has been intending to do.

It's the mystery of marriage

Paul says.

God designed marriage

to display the remarkable relationship

between Christ and the church.

This is first and foremost

what marriage is about.

And when we lose sight

of this chief goal and purpose

the consequences are devastating

in our marriages themselves

and beyond.

Just think about what happens

in a culture

when we forget

that marriage is not all about us

and our fulfillment

but about a higher purpose.

That it's not designed

to fulfill my desires

and make me fulfilled.

That that's not the only thing

that's going on.

When God's intention for marriage

is downplayed or sidelined

there's very little to limit

the damage that we will do.

Is there?

We shouldn't be shocked

at the culture around us

losing sight of the priority

of God's intent for marriage

when we've often lost sight

of it in the church.

And we have.

Haven't we?

In many ways

we've lost sight of marriage

as part of this greater story

that God's designed it for.

We've allowed marriage

in many ways

to become an idol.

To become the ultimate story.

To be the fulfillment

of Christian living.

Is to be married

with a couple of kids.

That that's the high point.

And so in doing that

we've made unmarried people.

Those committed to celibacy

because of desires

they wrestle with.

Feel in many cases

less than fully Christian.

As though the Apostle Paul

or Jesus Himself

was missing out

on the essence

of the fullness

of abundant life.

While harping regularly

on biblical sexual ethics

we've compromised

biblical standards

for divorce

and remarriage.

We've taken the discussion

of roles between husband and wife

and we've made it

pragmatic or political.

We've started talking about it

in terms of

what will make me happy

or what will play well publicly

or what just works best

for us.

And we've taken it out

of the context

that God gives it to us

in right here

in this passage

of part of the greater story.

And we've done that

in our marriages

haven't we?

For all these things

and for many more

we need to repent

church.

We need to repent

for the many ways

we have made marriage

about me

and my fulfillment

rather than about God

and His glory.

Because Paul says

this remarkable

glorious relationship

between Christ

and His church

that's the one

that's the real story.

The great story

of which human marriage

is a picture

or a shadow.

So he's telling us

in this passage

don't get so caught up

in the how-tos

of human marriage

that you miss

the whole point.

Don't get distracted

in the next few weeks

by trying to fix

your own marriage

and miss the reason

that yours exists.

Don't you do that

when you come to a passage

like this?

Either you think

oh no he's going to try

to fix my marriage.

Or you think

oh maybe he's going to

fix my marriage.

Isn't that the first thing

we think

when we open

to this passage?

Don't get caught up

either in dreaming

of being Prince Charming

or Cinderella

in your story

and miss the real

Cinderella story

that you are already

a part of.

And Paul's so focused

on that story

that we get chapters

of it in the midst

of his discussion

on marriage

of him talking about

relationship between

husbands and wives.

Each of these chapters

sounds a little bit like

things we sometimes say

with a little bit

different twist

on each of them

and I'll explain that

as we go.

But what's that

great story?

What is the story

that Paul can't stop

telling that we have

to hear?

The first chapter

in the real

Cinderella story

is love at first sight.

What do we read

in verse 25?

Christ loved

the church.

Christ loved

the church.

Maybe that doesn't

strike you

as remarkable.

Maybe you're used

to hearing that.

Maybe that seems

like old hat

and after all

when Cinderella

shows up

looking like this

we kind of expect

Prince Charming

to have this

love at first sight

experience,

don't we?

It's not something

surprising to us

at all.

But we,

God's people,

the church,

we haven't had

a fairy godmother

clean us up.

We're the Cinderella

dressed in rags,

beaten,

abused,

neglected

for years.

Jesus sees

someone created

for greatness

and relationship

relegated to being

a scullery maid,

right?

That's the story.

She was created

for something more,

to be great,

to have royal blood,

to be in relationship

and she's serving

as a scullery maid

and Jesus sees

that Cinderella

and He loves

her.

Remember what

God's people are like?

Ezekiel 16

paints a graphic

picture.

On the day you were

born,

your cord was not

cut,

nor were you

washed with water

to cleanse you,

nor rubbed with salt,

nor wrapped in

swaddling cloths.

No eye pitied you

to do any of these

things to you

out of compassion

for you,

but you were cast

out on the open

field,

for you were

abhorred on the

day that you

were born.

And then God

comes,

and when I

passed by you

and saw you

wallowing in your

blood,

I said to you

in your blood,

live!

I said to you

in your blood,

live!

I made you

flourish like a

plant of the

field.

At first sight,

abandoned,

bloodied,

neglected,

and God

says,

live!

Live!

I love you!

Isaiah 62

paints another

picture.

You shall no

more be termed

forsaken.

Your land shall

no more be termed

desolate,

but you shall be

called my delight

is in her and

your land married.

For the Lord

delights in you

and your land

shall be married.

As the bridegroom

rejoices over the

bride,

so shall your God

rejoice over you.

What's the first

sight?

Forsaken,

desolate,

nothing to offer,

and God says,

that's the one

I see.

I will rejoice

over you.

I love you.

The first chapter

of the story

sees us

muddying ourselves

on the filth

of the world,

right?

Turning away

from God,

running away

from Him,

seeking after

ourselves,

undeserving,

forlorn,

but God

loves us.

God loves us.

Isn't that

amazing?

Can you believe

that He walks

into that,

that that's the

first glimpse

He gets

and He loves

us?

It's where the

courtship between

Christ and the

church begins

with Jesus

seeing the

beauty for which

we were created

through the

ugliness

of our sin

and the mess

of our lives.

Is that all

you can see

when you look

at your life?

For some of us,

the ugliness,

the mess,

is all we can

see.

Let me tell you

something.

God loves you.

He loves you

with a love

so broad

and wide

and high

and deep

that it begins

before the

foundation of

the world

and He comes

after you

to love you

not because

of how beautiful

you are.

It's love

at first sight

not because

we are so

naturally

lovable

but because

He is so

naturally

loving.

That's how

the story

begins.

The love

of Jesus

for us

is such

that it's not

merely a feeling

is it?

What does the

rest of the

verse say?

It has action

attached.

Christ loved

the church

and what?

What was the

result of that

love?

He gave

Himself up

for her.

Verse 25

You've seen

couples before

so excited

for their

wedding day

that you would

say oh they're

dying to be

together.

And that's a

phrase that we

use but in

this case it's

actually true.

There was no

way for these

two to be

together except

through death.

The only way

the pure prince

could be with

his impure

princess was to

come and die

for her.

In this

Cinderella story

the prince

couldn't just

stay far away

in the castle

sitting back

waiting for all

the lovely women

to come so he

could make his

choice.

Now that's not

how this one

worked.

In this story

the prince was

required wasn't

he?

Listen

don't let this

get old to you

I know how it

feels you know

this story.

Listen the prince

leaves his

castle.

He has to

come and seek

after the

lost princess

the one who's

been abandoned

he had to

come after his

bride and

pursue her to

his own

death.

From heaven

he came and

sought her to

be his holy

bride.

With his own

blood he bought

her and for

her life he

died.

He gave

himself up

for us.

He took our

place.

He suffered the

agony and the

disgrace and the

tears that were

rightfully ours.

he gave himself

up for us.

He was

crucified in

our place.

And he dies

so that we can

be together.

By his death

we are united

in this mysterious

relationship we

call union

with Christ.

Marriage to the

king of glory.

Verse 30 says

we're members

of Christ's body

connected to him

and that

Paul says

is why a man

leaves his father

and cleaves to

his wife and

they become one

flesh.

Why?

Why does a man

do that?

Why does a man

leave his father

and mother and

cleave to his

wife?

Because Jesus

left his father

to cleave to

us.

So that we

could be one

with him.

So that we

could know true

and deep

relationship with

him.

So that all

the benefits of

his sonship,

the rights and

privileges he

had as a son

of the father

could be ours.

Why did he

have to do

that?

Why did Jesus

have to come

and die so

that those

things could be

true?

Because he

knew that we

would let go

of him if he

didn't hold

tightly onto us.

And so Jesus

who didn't

consider his

privileged position

in heaven

something to be

grasped,

something to

hold on to,

considered you

something to

hold on to.

Amen?

That's what

Jesus valued.

That's what he

thought was

valuable enough

to hold on to

it tightly.

You.

He came to

seek his

bride.

He gave

himself up

for us.

So great is

his love for

his bride.

So great is

his love for

you.

So great is

his love for

us.

That's how the

story goes.

But amazingly,

he doesn't

even stop

there.

He continues

the cleansing

and purifying

of his bride

through washing

with water in

the word.

Verse 26.

He nourishes

and cherishes

her.

Verse 29.

When we use

the phrase

you complete

me to talk

about our

relationships,

I think we

mean something

like what I

thought before

I got married.

That you take

a B plus guy

and you complete

him.

You turn him

into an A,

right?

You help him

finish things

off.

Make the best

version of me

that I can

be.

And that may

be true in

many marriages,

guys, that's

exactly what's

happened.

That does

sometimes happen,

but it often

misses the point

of marriage.

Because what

happens in this

great story is

not that a B

plus guy turns

into an A.

Jesus comes

and he takes

an F,

a hopeless

and abandoned

mess.

And he washes

and cleanses,

nourishes and

cares for me.

Look back at

Ezekiel 16.

What does God

do?

Then I bathed

you with water

and washed

off your blood

from you and

anointed you

with oil.

I clothed

you also with

embroidered cloth

and shod you

with fine leather.

I wrapped you

in fine linen

and covered you

with silk.

And I adorned

you with ornaments

and put bracelets

on your wrists

and a chain

on your neck

and I put a ring

on your nose

and earrings

in your ears

and a beautiful

crown on your head.

Let's keep reading.

There's a little bit

more on the next slide.

Thus you were

adorned with

gold and silver.

Your clothing

was of fine linen

and silk

and embroidered cloth.

You ate fine flour

and honey and oil.

You grew exceedingly

beautiful and advanced

to royalty

and your renown

went forth

among the nations

because of your beauty

for it was perfect

how through the splendor

that I had bestowed

on you

declares the Lord God.

God is intent

on us being beautiful

isn't he?

He's intent

on making his people

a beautiful

and glorious bride

and there's no

fairy godmother

to dress up

the ragged bride.

It's only Jesus'

blood

that washes

his bride clean

and clothes her

in white.

It's his spirit

who remains

with her

working with his word

to make her pure

and beautiful.

Day by day

exposing her

to the glories

of her Savior

revealed in God's word.

He will perfect

the bride.

bride.

And so this great

Cinderella story

ends

as do

all good stories.

How?

Happily ever after

right?

With the bride

and groom

living

happily

ever after.

Jesus wants

a permanent

relationship

with his bride.

Look at verse 27.

He presents

the church

perfect

to himself.

He finishes

the work

and lives

in relationship

together

forever.

The church

without spot

or wrinkle

or any other

blemish

holy

and blameless.

Do you feel

like that

personally?

Without spot

or wrinkle

or any other

blemish

holy and blameless?

Do you feel

like that

about yourself?

Do you feel

like that

about the church

corporately?

Is that the way

she looks

to you?

Listen,

if your answers

are no I don't

and no she doesn't,

let me remind you

of something.

Jesus

will

see that

that happens.

He will

restore his church

to the absolute

beauty

and the perfect

holiness

for which she

was created

so that just

as it's always

supposed to be,

he will live

an intimate

relationship

with her

forever

and ever.

That's where

your story

is headed

whether it

feels like

it today

or not.

To be honest

in our culture

I feel like

that almost

seems too good

to be true

these days,

doesn't it?

I mean we

see pictures

even of Prince

Charming

and Cinderella

riding off

after their

wedding

and happily

ever after

is below

this picture

and we

think

yeah well

we'll see

and we'll

see won't

we

I just

don't know

I'm not

sure if they

really meant

the words

they just

said to

each other

there are

tough roads

ahead

I'm just

not sure

if it's

going to

be as

happily ever

after as

they are

feeling like

right now

and I

believe this

is one of

the primary

reasons why

the Bible

would say

that God

hates divorce

even though

he allows

it because

in this

broken world

people sometimes

need protection

from the

harm of one

who has

broken covenant

with them

right

God knows

that

but he

hates divorce

because the

marriage that

our marriages

are supposed

to reflect

is a lasting

one

a permanent

relationship

one where the

husband loves

and forgives

even his wife's

worst repeated

failures

I'm not

intending to

berate you

if you have

walked through

the pain

of divorce

not at all

I'm trying

to offer

you the

glory

and the

hope

of a

perfect

marriage

because none

of us

has a

perfect

marriage

none of us

has a

marriage

that lasts

eternally

but the

love of

Christ

is fixed

on his

own

eternally

he'll love

his own

to endless

day

a relationship

with absolutely

unending

love

completely

inexhaustible

forgiveness

and eternally

renewed

passion

is hard

for us

to imagine

but it is

exactly

what we were

created for

that's exactly

what God

made us

for

is that

kind

of relationship

and Jesus

is preparing

his church

to be presented

to himself

so that that

can happen

to enjoy

that relationship

forever

church

your marriage

to Jesus

will outlast

the best

human marriage

it's the one

that lasts

forever

the eternally

lasting marriage

is between

Jesus

and his church

and no matter

how many times

you felt like

yours won't stand

that

that marriage

that you can be

a part of

will

it will last

forever

because your

bridegroom

will never

fail you

that's the hope

of the gospel

it's why

the great

story of

scripture

ends in

revelation

with a

wedding

right

with the

wedding supper

of the

lamb

and when

the bride

shows up

for the

wedding

supper

look at

what it

says

revelation

21

I saw

the holy

city

new

Jerusalem

coming down

out of

heaven

from God

prepared

as a

bride

adorned

for her

husband

and I

heard a

loud voice

from the

throne

saying

behold

the dwelling

place

of God

is with

man

he will

dwell

with them

and they

will be

his people

and God

himself

will be

with them

as their

God

that's

where it's

going

he will

be with

us

forever

he will

dwell

with us

as our

God

we will

live

happily

ever

after

glory

glory

glory

right

it will

be like

that

it's

going

there

you can

look

forward

to it

that is

my favorite

part

of the

real

Cinderella

story

my favorite

part

I hate

getting to

the end

of a good

book

and then

it's

over

right

don't

you hate

that

I have to

go back

to the

start

and start

over

again

the real

Cinderella

story

never

ever

ends

he

keeps

loving

us

and keeps

living

in relationship

with us

do you

know

that

bridegroom

oh do

you know

that kind

of love

have you

experienced

his love

for you

like that

can you

wait to

be with

your

savior

forever

we call

all of that

the real

Cinderella

story

we often

call it

the gospel

the good

news

of Jesus

Christ

the message

of his

grace

and it's

the story

I want

all of us

to leave

here this

morning

enthralled

with

it's not

that our

marriages

are unimportant

it's just

that they're

not first

and foremost

about us

they become

most beautiful

and most

what God

intends

for them

when they're

retellings

or pictures

or snapshots

of that

great story

the story

of the

glorious

prince

who

comes down

from his

throne

to seek

after the

abandoned

princess

and sacrifices

everything

to rescue

her

to restore

her to her

original beauty

and to live

with her

forever

forever

we'll talk

over the

next couple

of weeks

about what

it looks

like

for our

marriages

to retell

that great

story

to be a

picture

of the

remarkable

relationship

between

Christ

and his

church

but one

of my

favorite

examples

of that

is this

story

told by

a surgeon

Richard

Selzer

in a book

called

Mortal

Lessons

Notes on

the Art

of Surgery

the surgeon

describes a

scene that

he witnesses

in a

recovery room

after he

has performed

surgery

to remove

a tumor

from the

cheek

of a

young

lady

the surgeon

writes

this

I stand

by the

bed

where a

young

woman

lies

her face

post-operative

her mouth

twisted in

palsy

clownish

a tiny

twig of

the facial

nerve

the one

to the

muscles

of her

mouth

has been

severed

she will

be thus

from now

on

the surgeon

had followed

with religious

fervor

the curve

of her

flesh

I promise

you that

nevertheless

to remove

the tumor

in her

cheek

I had

to cut

the little

nerve

her young

husband

is in

the room

he stands

on the

opposite

side

of the

bed

and

together

they seem

to dwell

in the

evening

lamplight

isolated

from me

private

who are

they

I ask

myself

he and

this

wry

mouth

I have

made

who gaze

at each

other

and touch

each

other

so

generously

greedily

the young

woman

speaks

will my

mouth

always

be like

this

she asks

yes

I say

it will

it is

because

the nerve

was cut

she nods

and is

silent

but the

young man

smiles

I like

it

he says

it's

kind of

cute

all

at once

I know

who he

is

I

understand

and I

lower

my

gaze

one

is not

bold

in an

encounter

with a

god

unmindful

he bends

to kiss

her crooked

mouth

and I

am so

close

I can

see how

he twists

his own

lips

to

accommodate

to hers

to show

her

that their

kiss

still

works

he twists

his own

lips

to accommodate

to hers

to show

her

that their

kiss

still works

and

Selzer says

when he sees

that

it's like

watching

god

a broken

bride

who can't

fix

her

brokenness

but

a loving

bridegroom

who

condescends

moves

toward her

twists

his own

lips

as it

were

so that

their

relationship

can work

again

do you

see

your

savior

the bride

eyes

not her

garment

but her

dear

bridegroom's

face

his

face

for you

twisted

beaten

bloodied

love

and yet

oh how

glorious

and

precious

let's

pray

Jesus

thank you

would we

see

your face

this morning

that we

might actually

believe

someone would

love us

like that

father

would you

captivate

our hearts

with the

love that

you have

shown to

your people

in sending

your son

as we

come to

this table

with the

picture

of the

savior

who would

accommodate

himself

to our

brokenness

in order to

make us

his bride

forever

overwhelm

us and

give us

great joy

we ask in

his name

amen

for more

information

visit us

online

at

southwood.org