Eph. 3:14-19 - Expressing Grace at Home

You are listening to a message from Southwood Presbyterian Church in Huntsville, Alabama.

Our passion is to experience and express grace. Join us.

I'm going to start by reading Joshua, the book of Joshua, chapter 1, first 9 verses.

Joshua 1 · chapter mention

After the death of Moses, the servant of the Lord, the Lord said to Joshua, the son of Nun,

Moses' assistant, Moses, my servant, is dead.

Now therefore, rise, go over this Jordan, you and all this people, into the land that I am giving to them,

to the people of Israel. Every place that the sole of your foot will tread upon,

I have given to you, just as I promised to Moses.

From the wilderness and this Lebanon, as far as the great river, the great river Euphrates,

all the land of the Hittites to the great sea, toward the going down of the sun,

shall be your territory.

No man shall be able to stand before you all the days of your life.

Just as I was with Moses, so I'll be with you.

I will not leave you or forsake you.

Be strong and courageous,

for you shall cause this people to inherit the land that I swore to their fathers to give them.

Only be strong and very courageous,

being careful to do according to all the law that Moses, my servant, commanded you.

Do not turn from it to the right hand or to the left,

that you may go have good success wherever you go.

This book of the law shall not depart from your mouth,

but you shall meditate on it day and night,

so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it.

For then you will make your way prosperous,

and then you will have good success.

Have I not commanded you?

Be strong and courageous.

Do not be afraid, excuse me,

do not be frightened,

and do not be dismayed,

for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

That passage has been

something like out in front of me.

There have been about three that have been out in front of me

in the back of my mind at the same time.

Sort of directing my motivation

and setting my sights on

where I think

God really,

the work that he's trying to do.

And I think it fits for all of us.

And it's interesting to me that

you know what the moment is.

Moses has died.

God has said that.

It's always interesting to me that God is so

direct about that.

Moses, my servant, is dead.

Huh.

Okay.

I'm sure he cared about that,

but he stated that fact.

Making clear to Joshua,

this is where you're at.

And yet,

you're going to lead this people

and take this vast amount of territory

that I promised to your fathers a long time ago.

And it's on you.

It's the kind of situation

where any of us would be like,

uh-oh.

Whoa.

Really?

How did I end up here?

And yet,

God doesn't do something

that in this day and age especially

we would expect

and we would hope him to do.

Hope that he would do.

He doesn't lay out the plans.

He doesn't say,

take this division of men

and that division

and send them there

and send them there

and accomplish that objective

and so when you do that

then they can do this

and flank them

and attack here,

attack.

He doesn't do that.

None of it.

There's nothing like that.

That would drive most of us nuts.

It's like God's withholding the information

and keep it in his pocket.

Part of me almost is,

I don't know if this is true,

but part of me is just like,

sometimes God's just playing with us,

isn't he?

Maybe he is a little bit

because he respects and trusts us

more than we trust ourselves.

So we're looking for that information

and that plan

and all of that.

Sometimes we're praying

for God to tell us what to do

and he's not telling us

because he's like,

I don't need to.

I'm with you.

So go,

is what he says.

I've listed there in the outline

some specific things that God does.

In verse 2,

God reminds Joshua

who God is.

What does he say there in verse 2?

Moses, my servant.

I'm the leader.

I am God.

You remember,

Moses used to go to that tent of meeting

and meet with me.

maintaining that relationship

in a special way

that almost no one else on earth

had ever done.

To go to that tent of meeting

and God's presence

was there.

I say almost

because there was an exception,

Joshua,

toward the end of Moses' life.

This same passage

is actually recorded in Deuteronomy.

Deuteronomy.

That moment where Joshua

went with Moses

to that tent of meeting

and God says this.

You're going to lead the people.

Be strong and courageous.

Don't be afraid.

I'm with you.

That's all Joshua needed to know.

So God reminds Joshua

of who God is.

God reminds Joshua

of his relationship

with Joshua.

I see it in verse 5

but it's really

all over the passage.

No man

shall be able to stand

before all the days,

before you

all the days

of your life

just as I was with Moses.

I'll be with you.

Remember that.

Just as I was with Moses, Joshua.

I'll be with you.

You just have to remember

the relationship.

You don't need the plan.

God gives limited information.

I've talked about that.

God encourages Joshua

to be grounded

in God's relationship

with him.

Again in verse 5.

Just as I was with Moses,

so I will be with you.

I will not leave you

or forsake you.

To be convinced

he's not going away.

He's not going away.

He's not going away.

And he says then

in verse 6,

be strong and courageous.

He's not asking Joshua

to be strong and courageous

to find something

in himself

and stir it up

and bring it up

and act out of that.

He's saying,

I'm with you.

So why couldn't you

be strong and courageous?

You don't have to be enough.

You don't have to be strong enough.

You just have to be grounded

in the fact that

I'm with you.

The things that we're

thinking about

and talking about

this weekend

about our relationships

as husbands and wives,

our relationships

as parents with our kids,

our relationship

as kids with our parents,

might be,

I could make a case

to grow and

and work on those things,

being transformed

in the quality

of those relationships

to really be taking care

of each other's hearts

might be

the hardest battle

that we have

in our lives.

You won't hear from me.

You haven't heard from me.

And some of you

might be a little frustrated.

You know,

that nugget,

that specific

how-to.

Oh, okay.

I can do that.

That tool.

Oh, I can take that

and I can make things happen now.

I think

part of what God's

showing us here

in Joshua 1

is that's not

His idea

of how it works.

That's ours.

And it's not really

the best idea.

His idea is,

oh yeah,

there are challenging things.

You're going to go

everywhere you set your foot.

God says to Joshua,

you're going to take the land,

but it's not going to happen easily.

You have to fight through

to set your foot

in all that territory.

People will die.

There'll be a big cost.

But it's not the plan

that's going to carry you through

and do the work

that God has for you.

It's the fact that He's with you.

And resting in that,

being grounded in that fact

that He's with you,

that thing that you don't know

as you enter into

that hard moment

actually isn't the point.

The challenge is

trusting

in God's presence

that He will enable you

to first of all

be courageous,

to be strong

in the sense of not being afraid.

He keeps those linked together

so that we can be courageous.

There might not be

anything that takes more courage

than for a man to look

in his wife's eyes

and ask her,

I must be missing you.

How am I missing you?

Or for a woman to look

in her husband's eyes

and ask,

have I been trying

to control you?

Is that,

what does it feel like

for you

to be married to me?

That takes courage.

Courage.

That's a challenging thing.

In verse 9,

have I not commanded you

to be strong and courageous?

Do not be frightened.

Do not be dismayed.

For the Lord your God

is with you

wherever you go.

Wherever you go.

It doesn't specify it.

Wherever you go.

I'm summarizing that

as that

all of this

is so that Joshua

can be enough

even though he's not

on his own.

The strong and courageous

is not,

you know,

in preparation,

lift those

general weights,

weights for generals,

lift those weights

for leaders,

learn those lessons

that you need to learn

so that you can be strong

and go be strong.

If no,

in the moment,

trust God

to take what

he's already built

into you

and to apply it

in a courageous way

which means

being vulnerable

and open-hearted

for the other's good.

Sacrificially.

So some things

to consider,

some truths

to consider.

It's as if

I think I'm allergic

to these things.

something always happens.

Falls off my belt.

Sorry.

It's as if

in Joshua 1

God's saying

these

wonderful truths

but there are

these other truths

that are something

of a but.

That's really

that Joshua 1 stuff

is

a little too hard.

I just want us

to think about

why it's hard.

You see that

first line there

because fear

is hiding

in your soul.

And it's

sneaky

and powerful.

God knows

what he's doing.

That's a funny

thing to say.

God knows

what he's doing

when he comes

to Joshua

at such a key point

and he says

don't be afraid.

Jesus does

the same thing

with his disciples

in that upper room

preparing them

for what's going

to happen tomorrow.

And he says

let not your hearts

be troubled.

God knows

that the

most challenging

thing for us

is there's this

fear,

there's this tendency

to be afraid

but it's sneaky

and it hides

and we don't see it

which even adds

to its power.

fear.

But so often

we live

out of the fear

more than the

assurance

that God

is with us

and that we

can be strong

enough

with God's

help

as he works

in us.

That's one

of the buts.

another one

is that

those people

that you care

about the most

the ones

sitting next

to you

many of you

your husband

your wife

your children

your parents

most of the time

they're the ones

you're afraid of

the most.

You might think

about that

for a while

it might be

a surprise.

Intimacy

being known

Genesis 2

tells us

that Adam

and Eve

were naked

without shame

they were

completely

known

and yet

accepted.

Since Adam

and Eve

sin

that's way

out there.

The road

to that

sense

of being

naked

without shame

is a

rocky

twisted

broken

road.

It's

possible

but God

has to do

that work

we have to

collaborate

in that work.

It's important

for us to

recognize

that

in the

most

intimate

moments

most

of us

are looking

for an

escape.

It's so

uncomfortable.

The truth

is we

can't

tolerate

too much

intimacy

for very

long.

We need

it.

We need

it.

But at the

best moments

we will

bail.

Some of you

might be like

me and you

don't like

goodbyes.

not liking

goodbyes

is something

about that

because

goodbyes

get very

intimate.

When you're

saying goodbye

to someone

and you

don't know

when you're

going to

see them

again

or if

you will

and they

matter to

you

you want

to be able

to communicate

that

and there's

something

happening

that you

don't have

any control

of

and it's

just

that you

both

know

we really

care for

each other

and we're

approaching

getting ready

that we

sense that

this is

going to

change

and we're

losing

something

and something

you feel

so intensely

there aren't

really enough

words

or words

aren't

powerful

enough

words

aren't

big enough

containers

for those

things

that you

feel

we don't

live in a

world that's

taught us

that we

actually can

communicate

things without

words

we do

anyway

but we're

not used

to that

we don't

trust that

very much

and so

often in that

sense of

I can't

say it

we run

from the

moment

as I've

aged

I've gotten

a little

better at

correcting

myself

I don't

always do

it

because it's

a hard

thing

what I mean

by that

is

you know

at that

point

that I

say

see you

later

to someone

that I'm

not

going to

see later

you know

it's the

we're going

to do

this just

like we

always do

as if

to escape

that

discomfort

of

really

connecting

and being

intimate

around

what are

we

feeling

right now

so the

correction

looks like

no

there I

go again

that's not

it is it

we're not

we don't

know

until we

have a

little bit

of

conversation

I'm

going to

have to

trust you

to think

about that

some more

I'm

finding it

hard to

explain

that we're

afraid of

intimacy

afraid of

being known

maybe it

has a lot

to do with

our own

shame

that we

all have

a certain

dose of

that

even

I know

for me

is I'm

in that

a moment

like that

saying goodbye

and I

can't

I don't

my whole

life is

words

and here I

am in

this moment

where I

I don't

have the

words

thing that's

strange

seems

strange

it's ironic

is as

God's

worked in

my life

and I've

gotten

more

grown the

capacity to

be more

aware of

what I

feel

I'm not

any better

at saying

it

or I'm

not much

better at

saying it

you know

it's still

hard

in fact

it's harder

as I'm

more aware

it's harder

because I

don't

I'm more

aware I

don't have

the words

in that

moment

so it

takes courage

to attempt

something

and to

remember

it actually

isn't the

content in

a moment

the content

that you

express

that's the

point

it's the

process of

trying to

express it

it's actually

the impact

that you

have on

the person

not the

content

that you

put in

their

cognitive

portions

of their

brain

it's the

impact

that you

have on

a person

which has

more to

do with

what you're

projecting

from yourself

what you're

feeling

I may have

said this

last night

I was

reading some

research

on the

plane

Friday

and it

was on

emotional

intelligence

in the

work and

leadership and

business

excuse me

and they

were talking

about the

fact that

the leader

of an

organization

that person's

emotional

style

filters down

through the

whole

organization

I've

observed

that

I've

observed

when leaders

change

and the

new

leader

comes in

and is

projecting

something else

and trying to

change the

culture

which is

really that

emotional

style

filtered down

and shaped

an organization

that it's a

very difficult

process

and initially

for those

leaders

and I've

seen it

more than

once

the responses

are they

react to

that leader

as if

they want

that other

leader

they want

the same

style

that's what

they're used

to and it's

what feels

like home

it doesn't

matter if

that leader

was a

tyrant

it feels

like home

someone comes

in who's

different

and they're

trying to

figure it

out

they're

trying to

feel safe

at least

comfortable

sort of

able to

predict

and it's

a tough

challenge

the point

being that

leader's

emotion

even if

he doesn't

express it

with words

filters down

through the

organization

so someone

did research

on this

and they got

three people

they identified

the person

who was

the most

expressive

emotionally

and they're

looking at

how do you

do that

without words

can you

do it

without words

yes

no

so they

put these

three people

at a table

no words

silent

and within

a few minutes

not a very

long time

the two

people that

are less

expressive

in style

know

are able

to say

what the

other person

is feeling

it's

like we

have more

senses

than we

realize

you ever

walk in a

room

it could be

this one

everyone's

milling around

you come in

the room

you're finding

a seat

and you just

have that

feeling

and you

look

and yes

a person's

looking at

you

how'd you

know

I mean

how did

you know

I don't

know

but we

have an

ability

to somehow

I mean

some people

start talking

about energy

and this

and that

it's like

I don't

know

it's one

of those

it's a little

bit of

everything

it's not

just a

simple

because

but it's

true

that happens

all the time

between parents

and our kids

and husbands

and wives

you know

it happens

in your day

do you ever

wonder how it

is that

people can

look at you

in the morning

and they can

say

how you doing

and they just

mean you know

how you doing

and then other

days they look

at you

and they

kind of cock

their head

a little bit

and it's

how are you

doing

you know

you okay

how do they

know

to ask that

and you're like

how did they

know

you know

am I wearing

a sign

I sometimes

wonder why

I can go

to Panera

I do that

a lot

and

maybe late

on a Sunday

night

and sit

down

and I'm

doing a little

email or

something

or figuring

out what's

happening

tomorrow

and the

manager

that I

kind of

know

because I

go there

a lot

don't know

her name

sits down

at the

table

and tells

me about

her son's

suicide

I'm just

a guy

sitting in

a Panera

eating this

chocolate chip

cookie

you know

and I'm

just like

do I have

a sign

on me

how did

she know

that

I'm

sending

the message

somehow

you all

do the

same

thing

you can

think

right now

in

ten

seconds

and come

up with

three names

of people

maybe even

today as you

came in

where you

knew

ooh

you know

where you

ask something

you have this

happen

hey how you

doing

and you're

walking by

and they say

something

and you

pause

maybe you

go back

maybe you

don't

others you

just see

a face

and you

know

those are

little bits

of intimacy

that we

bump into

that maybe

we're not so

afraid of

because they're

derived by

intimacy

maybe those

are pieces

that we can

reflect on

and think

about

how can

I slow

down the

car

and not

drive by

and just

get used

to

knowing

others

as best

I can

in a

moment

and knowing

letting

others know

me

in that

process

it's one

of the

challenges

to living

this life

the way

Joshua

1 tells

us

is that

we're

not only

afraid

in general

we're

particularly

afraid

of

intimacy

with the

people

most

important

to us

that's going

to be

very subtle

it takes

work

but it's not a

problem that you

root out

it's something that you

address indirectly

by growing the

good stuff

I'll give you an

example

this was in a

previous outline

but I didn't

say it

there was a man

his name was

Milton Erickson

Erickson was

one of those

rare

who's a

psychiatrist

one of those

rare creatures

rare people

amazingly

empathic

and amazingly

intuitive

his therapy

went in all

kinds of

directions

and some

of them

I don't

necessarily

believe in

but the

person of

Erickson

was just

such a

perceptive

guy

and a

man named

Bill O'Hanlon

who's

roughly my

age

Erickson's

deceased

quite a

while ago

worked with

Erickson

and he

tells this

story

and Erickson

told him

about

Erickson

lived in

Arizona

and was

taking a

trip to

Milwaukee

Wisconsin

and a

colleague

was concerned

about his

aunt

that lived

in Milwaukee

she was

older

she lived

alone

in this

great big

house

maybe a

widow

I don't

remember

that

detail

and the

colleague

was concerned

that she

was depressed

so would

Erickson go

see her

and so he

did

he went

and visited

this lady

and talked

with her

and she

gave him

he may have

asked for it

a tour

of her

house

and in

the going

through the

house

all of the

rooms

the shades

were pulled

down and

they were

dark

except for

one

and in

that room

she grew

African

violets

she had

all these

African

violets

in this

room

shades

are up

it's

bright

it's

different

there's

life

there

so as

Erickson

was leaving

I'm not

sure how

he discerned

all of

these

details

but he

says to

this woman

you know

your nephew

wanted me

to come

by because

he was

concerned

that you're

depressed

but I

see that

that's not

the problem

he said

the problem

is you're

not a good

Christian woman

he was being

a little

provocative

what he

suggested

was to

take her

church

bulletin

that had

a list

of shut

ins on

it

and take

an African

violet

to those

people

that's what

he suggested

and she

did that

she took

his

advice

so Erickson

reaches for

a three ring

binder

notebook

pulls it

out

flips

through

comes to

a newspaper

clipping

and shows

it to

Bill O'Hanlon

the headline

was

African

Violet

Queen

Dies

Thousands

Mourn

O'Hanlon

says to

Erickson

how did

you know

to do

that

and Erickson

says

it seemed

better

to grow

the African

violet

part of

her life

than root

out the

depressed

part

I actually

think

if we get

the whole

biblical story

that starts

with creation

and the

dignity

and the

agency

and the

capacity

that God

builds

in us

before we

get to

our

depravity

that that's

the biblical

method

it's the

biblical

model

don't try

to root

out the

depravity

good luck

with that

even though

Jesus has

conquered that

battle

ultimately

on the

cross

that battle

is not

conquered

now

at this

point

in the

story

that's

not the

approach

Jesus'

work

God's

work

in our

lives

is to

grow

the

capacity

so that

the

depravity

doesn't

really

deter

us

from our

mission

which is

to be

growing

at a

heart

level

for the

relationships

that we

have

that are

central

to our

mission

I don't

know what

it means

for you

to grow

the

African

violet

part of

your

life

in your

marriage

but I'm

suggesting

it's

don't set

out to

root out

the fear

try to

grow that

part of

you that

longs for

intimacy

wants more

and you

do it

by the

process

you

try to

have

more

conversation

you

try to

have

more

conversation

that's

honest

conversation

honest in

the sense

of

I'm

going to

tell you

right now

how you

need to

change

no no

not that

honesty

the

honesty

of

this is

where I

am

this is

who I

am

this is

what I'm

longing

for

this is

what I'm

missing

this is

what I'm

celebrating

I say a

couple other

things there

I'm not

going to

dwell on

them

those people

you are

most angry

at are

the ones

you fear

most

I'll just

say this

about it

we're

really

good

at trying

to figure

out

the

thing

that's

the cause

of

something

if you

want to

really think

about how

good we

are

just listen

to how

often you

use the

word

because

so you're

in a

discussion

with each

other

and one

of you

points the

finger at

the other

one and

says they've

done

something

wrong

we want

the one

over here

we want

that person

to understand

oh no

no

no

no

there was

a good

reason

for that

so what

do we

stay

how do we

start

well that's

because

because we

actually

because we

actually believe

that if we

can get

that one

thing

that they're

misunderstanding

or just get

that one

thing that's

the cause

of this

and if we

agree that

that's the

cause of

this

then we

can solve

this

we can

work

through

it

life

doesn't

work

that

way

it just

doesn't

work

that

way

where

there

is

truth

that

cause

and

effect

happens

it's

not

the

whole

truth

the

A

if you

do

A

B

results

there

are

consequences

that

is

true

if you

want to

understand

the

alternative

to this

really

well

go listen

to the

song

by the

group

Dawes

D-A-W-E-S

fairly

contemporary

within the

last ten

years

maybe their

second

album

and it's

a song

starts out

with a

wonderfully

poetic

expression

of a

very

hard

moment

a man

is standing

on the

San

Francisco

Golden

Gate

Bridge

on the

side

that

faces

the

prison

they

say

he's

throwing

a

leg

over

the

rail

phone

calls

made

police

cars

show

up

quickly

the

sergeant

slams

his

door

and he

says

just

tell me

why

you're

doing

this

son

and his

answer

is

profound

it's a

little

bit of

everything

it's the

title of

the song

it's a

little

bit of

everything

it's the

death of

my first

dog

he says

and there's

this long

list

of things

that you

would think

are little

disappointments

but they

understand

how life

actually

works

it really

is a

little

bit

of

everything

and when

we're in

this

contentious

moment

where we're

trying to

say

I can't

believe you

did that

I can't

believe you

don't

understand

you didn't

understand

what I was

trying to

do

and we

get down

to this

well it's

because

no it's

because

the truth

is

oh all

kinds of

things are

happening

all kinds

of things

are happening

in that

moment

there's so

much that

you can't

sort them

all out

you actually

cannot

solve

problems

through

gaining more

information

you can

dissect it

and see

more and

more and

maybe understand

more but

you won't

solve the

problems

that way

it's just

the wrong

method

what needs

to happen

actually is

going after

each other's

heart

it begins

by rather

than an

attack or

a withdraw

or a

trying to

convince the

other

attack sounds

more harsh

than it always

is

it really

begins by

confiding

by slowing

down enough