Luke 16:18 "Marriage, Divorce, and Jesus"

You are listening to a message from Southwood Presbyterian Church in Huntsville, Alabama.

Our passion is to experience and express grace.

Join us.

Pray with me.

Father, thanks for a love like that.

Love that never lets us go.

Where would we be without it?

What would our hope be?

It's only a love like that that could even enable us to look honestly at the darkness of our hearts and our lives without just despairing.

And so would you reassure us of that love this morning as we look at your word, at a challenging part of it?

And Father, by your Spirit, please do challenge us.

Would you do so well, would you comfort those who are afflicted?

Holy Spirit, come and do that as we look at your word.

We ask it in Jesus' name.

Amen.

This morning we're going to look at God's word together on the issue of marriage and divorce.

Divorce, a significant and sensitive issue in our culture, in our lives.

You've probably heard a lot of statistics about divorce.

Divorce, while the 50% of marriages end in divorce one has never been true in the U.S., divorce does seem often to be all around us, doesn't it?

Another one you've probably heard is that Christians get divorced at the same rate as anyone else.

Again, not true according to the best statistics.

But still, it's very believable for us because many of us in this room have endured the pain of divorce.

Most all of us have a family member who has.

And we've seen the reality of it, the hurt of it, the difficulty there.

Over the last 10 years or so, I've talked with a lot of people considering divorce.

And I often hear things like this, things that reflect on our vision, our goals for marriage.

I hear people say, her unreasonableness, his uncontrolled anger, her demeaning distance, his emotional neglect, whatever it may be, is not something I can live with any longer.

Or, I know God doesn't like divorce, but He doesn't like unhappy marriages either.

Or, God doesn't want me or my kids to be unhappy.

I know He wouldn't want us living like this.

And there's an element of truth in those statements, isn't there?

In a culture flooded with divorce, it makes sense that when I'm miserable in my marriage, I need to get out.

I notice similar things actually at the other end of marriage when I talk with those at the beginning, maybe in premarital counseling, for example.

If you ask them why they're getting married, you'll hear things like, I just like being with her.

Or, we're really a great partnership, we get along so well.

Or, I just realized I can't live without Him.

A little bit different words and wonderful things to feel, but you may hear a similar focus.

All of these seemingly focus on a relationship that exists to fulfill me, right?

Isn't that the natural way that we think about relationships and marriage in particular?

It's here to help me become the best version of me.

We might call it self-actualization.

So, it's no surprise when a few months or years in and my spouse doesn't seem to be helping me feel good about myself and be the best that I can be.

In fact, it feels quite different.

I need another plan.

It's not just our culture that has focused on self or that has promoted divorce.

Jesus encountered the same situation with the Pharisees, the religious teachers of His day.

Some rabbis did teach that divorce should be very rare, but many of them taught that a man could get a divorce for just about any reason,

including some who taught that if dinner was overcooked, that was grounds for divorce.

Or if a man found another woman he found more attractive than his wife, that was grounds for a divorce.

You see, basically for anything that one came up with.

And so, as we've been reading and studying through Luke, we came to this passage back before Easter,

and what Jesus is doing in Luke 16 is challenging the Pharisees about their attitude actually towards money.

That's primarily what he's been talking about here and how they have a low view of God's law

that actually calls them to sacrificial generosity and they've lowered that bar way down here.

And while he's talking about it, he mentions as another example of them lowering the bar of God's law,

their view on divorce.

It seems to be a common place to drop that standard.

Luke 16 at verse 18, Jesus says,

Adultery.

They heard that, didn't they?

They knew the law.

That's one of the big ten.

That grabbed their attention.

What's going on here?

What's Jesus doing?

They know not to take adultery.

Adultery being unfaithfulness.

The breaking of a promise.

The breaking of the bond of a relationship and a commitment to someone else.

It doesn't take long to see that Jesus' view of divorce is a bit different for Mars, does it?

He reaffirms this strong passion for marriage and strong distaste for divorce in another conversation

with the Pharisees where they actually ask him about marriage and divorce specifically.

So he gives a much fuller explanation than he does here when he's just using it as an example about something else.

Let me read that for you in Matthew 19.

In other words, don't get divorced.

So they said, well, why then did Moses command one to give her certificate of divorce and to send her away?

Why is that in the Old Testament?

And Jesus says, if we keep going into verse 8 on the next slide,

Because of your hardness of heart, Moses allowed you to divorce your wives.

But from the beginning, it was not so.

And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife except for sexual immorality and marries another commits adultery.

The disciples understood what he was saying.

And in their response, they said to him, if such is the case of a man with his wife, it's better not to marry.

Wow.

Jesus says again, divorce except in very specific circumstances is adultery.

Don't do it.

And we're not misunderstanding him.

That challenges our personal and cultural sensibilities, doesn't it?

It certainly did for the disciples when they heard it.

Quick side note.

If God and his word never challenge our personal and cultural sensibilities,

we're probably not listening to it very honestly.

Think about that.

God being God and us being not God,

if nothing he said ever challenged our hearts or stretched us beyond what seemed right to us,

we would need to wonder why that was,

why we just naturally knew so well.

This is one of those points where it stretches us a bit, doesn't it?

Let's not write it off.

It is God's word.

Let's ask Jesus, why set the bar so high for divorce?

I think to understand Jesus' strong passion against divorce,

we have to understand his strong passion for marriage.

It's what he keeps referencing here.

God's purpose for marriage is much different from what our approach usually is

and where our goals are typically focused.

See, for God from the very beginning when he invented marriage,

which he did, didn't he?

He invented it to have a purpose that was God-centered first,

not merely man-centered.

To display who God is and how he loves.

That's what was on his heart.

I love to think of it, and you've heard me talk about it in terms of storytelling, right?

That we get this privilege to share the great story of God's work in all of history in relationship.

Because that's really where it starts, Jesus says.

God created us, male and female, in his image.

And Jesus, in that passage we just read, goes all the way back to Genesis 2, in the garden,

and says relationships are part of the way that we reflect the image of God,

Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

We're to reflect his image in all of our relationships,

and especially in our marriages where Paul says we tell the story of the love of Jesus

for his bride, the church, that particular relationship.

You remember Ephesians chapter 5?

Ephesians 5 · chapter mention

Paul 2, like Jesus, goes all the way back to Genesis chapter 2

Genesis 2 · chapter mention

and explains what marriage was designed for.

A man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife,

and the two shall become one flesh.

And Paul says this mystery is profound.

I'm saying that it refers to Christ and the church.

That's what God was up to.

A profound mystery.

But marriage about Christ and the church.

That's the great story our marriages are to tell.

So I think what we have to do is remember that great love story,

the greatest of all love stories,

what's going on in that story that we're supposed to reflect,

that we're supposed to tell in our marriages.

Just a few minutes, we're going to look at it

to help us see why divorce is so abhorrent to God,

and also why it's so painful for us.

It's a true Cinderella story where a princess who's intended for glory

is lost and abandoned and broken in need of rescue.

And the prince of heaven comes on a rescue mission, doesn't he?

To find this princess and at the cost of his own life

to restore her to the beauty and glory that she was created for.

And he does that.

He marries her, in fact.

She delights in his love,

and they live in intimate relationship happily ever after.

Three things, particularly in this story,

that we see about God.

The first is we see God's purifying grace on display in this story

where failings are met with forgiveness.

It's this way from the very beginning of the relationship, actually.

I'm not going to read all of Ezekiel chapter 16 this morning.

Ezekiel 16 · chapter mention

It's kind of long.

But you should do that this afternoon.

Ezekiel 16.

God describes finding Israel, his people, for the first time

as a baby born and never washed,

lying in its blood, weak, undesirable.

And he, rather than rejecting her,

tells the rest of the story in terms of marriage.

Verse 8.

I made my vow to you and entered into a covenant with you,

declares the Lord God,

and you became mine.

Then I bathed you with water

and washed off your blood from you

and anointed you with oil.

And your renown went forth among the nations

because of your beauty.

For it was perfect through the splendor

that I had bestowed on you,

declares the Lord God.

This is what happens.

In his grace, he comes to one not deserving of anything,

not beautiful at all.

And he loves the unlovely.

He doesn't merely overlook the weakness,

but he washes, cleanses, purifies in his grace.

And then you know what happens

in the next 40 verses or so?

Israel runs off.

Dirties herself with the nations of the world

and their idolatry, adultery.

And God says this in verse 60.

Yet, despite all that you've done,

yet I will remember my covenant with you

in the days of your youth,

and I will establish for you an everlasting covenant.

I will establish my covenant with you,

and you shall know that I am the Lord,

that you may remember and be confounded

and never open your mouth again

because of your shame.

When I atone for you

for all that you have done,

declares the Lord God.

That covenant commitment,

no matter what the other one did,

intended never to be broken,

that's why divorce is so painful, isn't it?

Several of my friends who have experienced divorce

said to me this week,

that no matter what else they felt

in their divorce,

no matter what the circumstances,

the pain,

the breaking of that relationship

is so awful.

It hurts so deeply.

It's like tearing apart two things

that were never meant to be separated.

It hurts.

And God has given us

this purifying grace.

It's often painful in its application too,

but it ultimately washes the dirtiest,

forgives the biggest failures,

and makes beautiful the ugliest

and most undeserving.

That's what God does

in His relationship with us.

So then as we get to the middle of the story,

at the real climax of it,

we see God's sacrificial love.

It's a story where sacrifice

is not a burden,

but a delight.

Where it's not a path to misery,

but a road to glory, isn't it?

The Father sends His only Son,

the Prince,

who sacrifices His rights

as the Prince of Heaven.

Who sacrifices His riches and comforts

as the heir of all things.

Who sacrifices eventually His very life

in order to marry the princess.

In order to make the unworthy one worthy.

That's the picture that Paul paints

in Philippians 2

when Jesus,

rather than clinging to heaven's glories,

lets go of them.

He humbles Himself

and sacrifices His life for us.

But He did that all

not out of some obligation,

but out of love, right?

Out of His love for us

because of the joy set before Him

that He endured the cross.

He suffered certainly,

unimaginably,

but purchased for Himself

a bride whom He loves,

with whom He will enjoy glory forever.

And that was the path there.

It's a concept of sacrifice

that we know very little about these days,

isn't it?

Divorce often offers to us fulfillment

in other people,

in other situations,

whatever it takes

to take care of number one.

But marriage

is not meant to be merely

a rejection of personal fulfillment

into misery

for the sake of someone else,

but rather,

in the steps of the one

who designed us

and invented marriage,

it's finding mutual fulfillment

through mutual sacrifice.

Finally, as we get

toward the end of the story,

marriage is to display

God's tenacious faithfulness.

It's to tell the story

of a God

who continues

to pursue

the unfaithful

with love

rather than punishing them

with rejection.

The prophet Hosea

tells that part of the story

really well

through his own life

as God sends him

to marry a prostitute

in order to teach God's people

about His love for them

in the midst of their

adulterous idolatry.

Listen to how Hosea

describes God's faithfulness

to an unfaithful people.

In that day,

declares the Lord,

you will call me

my husband

and no longer

will you call me

my Baal.

For I will remove

the names of the Baals

from her mouth

and they shall be remembered

by name no more

and I'll make for them

a covenant on that day

with the beasts

of the field,

the birds of the heavens,

the creeping things

of the ground.

I'll abolish the bow,

the sword,

and war from the land

and I will make you

lie down in safety.

I will betroth you

to me forever.

I will betroth you

to me in righteousness

and in justice,

in steadfast love

and mercy.

I will betroth you

to me in faithfulness

and you shall know

the Lord.

I will betroth you

to me in faithfulness

forever.

forever.

You can run away

to other lovers

but I will chase you

down and buy you back.

And there may be

painful discipline

in the process

but we will be together

forever.

I'm committed to it.

There ain't no darkness

strong enough

that could tear you out

from my heart.

There ain't no strength

that's strong enough

that could tear this love apart.

No, I won't let you go.

Tenacious faithfulness.

When repeated rejection

has come from one side

to the other,

when the name of your lover

has been dragged

through the mud publicly,

when divorce seems to be

the only reasonable option,

I won't let you go.

God says.

We all probably know people

who in the midst

of their unfaithfulness

have experienced

this tenacious faithfulness

from a forgiving spouse.

As one of my friends

has said,

it's experiencing a grace

that he had only been taught

existed.

Isn't that supposed to be

the daily reality

in all of our marriages?

Man, I could never repay

my wife

for the number of times

that she has in my failures

met me with faithful,

forgiving love,

giving me a taste

of God's love

when I didn't deserve it

at my lowest points.

Loving the unlovely

requires grace.

It requires sacrifice.

It requires tenacious faithfulness.

And when we experience those,

we experience and tell

the story of God's love

for us in Christ.

It's beautiful.

It's glorious

when you see it, isn't it?

I'm just going to share

two stories of this

with you

that I've shared before.

They display this kind of love

in the midst of physical trauma

that could have altered

a relationship entirely.

And it's a kind of love

that God would call us

to show

not just when

physical realities

change things,

but emotional and relational

trauma

comes to us too.

The first is

Robertson McQuilkin.

He was president

of Columbia Bible College

over 20 years

until in 1990

his wife Muriel

was struggling deeply

with Alzheimer's,

becoming frantic

whenever he was not with her,

even bloodying her feet

walking back and forth

from their home

to his office

looking for him.

So he wrote

to the Bible College community

about his decision

to step down

from the job he loved.

The decision was made

in a way

42 years ago

when I promised

to care for Muriel

in sickness

and in health

till death do us part.

So as I told

the students and faculty

as a man of my word,

integrity has something

to do with it.

But so does fairness.

She's cared for me

fully and sacrificially

all these years.

If I cared for her

for the next 40 years

I would not be out

of her debt.

Duty, however,

can be grim

and stoic,

but there's more.

I love Muriel.

She is a delight

to me.

Her childlike dependence

and confidence in me,

her warm love,

occasional flashes

of that wit

I used to relish so,

her happy spirit

and tough resilience

in the face

of her continual

distressing frustration.

I don't have to care

for her.

I get to.

It's a high honor

to care for so wonderful

a person.

He sacrificed,

laid down his life

as it were,

and yet found joy

and fulfillment

there.

Shortly after David Ireland's

young wife got pregnant,

David found out

he had a disease

like Lou Gehrig's

and his body began

to shut down rapidly.

He realized

that he may not meet

his child.

So he decided

to do some parenting

through letters,

now published

in a book called

Letters to an Unborn Child.

He introduces

his baby boy

to his mother

this way.

My child,

I want you to know

what your mother is like.

She is absolutely

incredible.

I think I can make

it clear to you

by just telling you

what she has to do

when we go out

to eat at night.

When we go out

to a restaurant,

this is what she has to do.

Because I'm a quadriplegic

now and in a wheelchair,

she has to bathe me,

dress me,

empty the urine

and fecal bags

that are strapped

to my legs,

then put me

in the wheelchair,

drive me out

to the garage,

open the garage,

open the door,

get out aboard,

pull up the arm

on my chair,

slide me across

the board,

put me in the car,

put down the arm,

fold up the chair,

open the trunk,

put in the chair,

close the trunk,

close the door,

get in the car,

back it out,

close the garage door

and drive to the restaurant.

When we get there,

the whole process

is reversed.

We sit down

at a table,

she feeds me,

wipes the drool

from my mouth

because I can barely eat,

gets up,

pays the check

and then the whole process

is reversed again.

Go out to the car,

open the door,

take off the arm,

put down the board,

slide me across,

put down the arm,

fold up the chair,

go to the back,

open the trunk,

put up the chair,

close the trunk,

get in the car,

drive.

Get to the garage,

up goes the garage door,

everything else reversed,

take me in,

clean me,

empty the fecal

and urine bags,

bathe me,

put me in my pajamas

and lay me in bed.

And then he says this,

Son,

these are her last words to me.

Thank you, honey,

for taking me out

to eat tonight.

That's tenacious faithfulness

at not letting go.

Sacrificial love

that honors the weak

and the seemingly undeserving.

What beautiful pictures

of how Jesus cherishes

and cares for his bride,

right?

That's how he loves you.

And so often,

the picture we present

tells a different story.

A story of Prince Charming

turning up his nose

at Cinderella,

sending her away from him.

Do you see why God

takes divorce so seriously?

Yes, he wants to spare us

the pain,

but ultimately,

what's his heart?

He's telling the world

a story.

The good news,

the good news of great joy

for all people

and right at the climax

of this story,

divorce seeks to rewrite it.

Seeks to tell a different one

with a different ending.

And that's why we as a church

seek to take divorce

seriously as well.

It's not to be difficult,

but to protect the glory

of the story of Jesus' love for us

and believing that God's design

is best for us too,

even in the pain.

That may well mean

some hard situations

and difficult decisions.

I don't have the time

to go into this morning

as we wrestle with broken covenants.

It happens.

But in the midst of that,

focusing on the glorious purpose

for marriage

really does change things.

Think about it in your own marriage.

Be honest.

What's your goal

in your marriage?

Or in a potential marriage

that you're thinking about.

You see,

if I prioritize

personal fulfillment

in marriage,

I actually overemphasize

and idolize marriage

as though there's someone

or some relationship

that could completely fulfill me.

And at the same time,

I underemphasize

the glorious purpose

of marriage.

I make it a consumer contract

to stay in while it serves me

rather than an unbreakable covenant

that serves God's mission

and His glory

in the world.

So practically,

if my purpose

is self-fulfillment,

then how do I have to act?

Well, I have to deny

any sin or weakness in myself.

That doesn't fit.

I have to redefine marriage

by my desires,

what I want it to look like

and feel like

and reach for divorce quickly

when they're threatened

or almost as bad.

Even if I stay,

I begin to tell the wrong story.

It's one about me

where I'm the hero.

On the other hand,

if my purpose

is telling the story

of Christ's love

for His church,

then I can actually acknowledge

sin

and true forgiveness

because in those moments,

we can actually best

tell the story, right?

The story that's about grace

and redemption

in the lowest moments

with Jesus as the hero

and the great lover,

not me as the one

who's perfect.

See, the miracle of marriage

is not two relatively

compatible people

surviving in the same house

for 50 years.

But rather,

the miracle that reflects

the miracle of God's love

is two people

at great cost

to themselves

loving the unlovely

and the unworthy.

That's the story,

isn't it?

That's what marriage

is to be about.

And so in the low points,

we get a chance

to tell that story

beautifully.

It's why we honor

marriage now

because of the glorious,

great love story

that it's telling.

So Jesus speaks

certainly strong

and direct words

to the Pharisees

and to us

to elevate

the seriousness

of God's law.

Verse 18 again,

everyone who divorces

his wife

and marries another

commits adultery

and he who marries

a woman divorced

from her husband

commits adultery.

It's a perfect law

and he won't tolerate

our lowering the standard,

will he?

He doesn't want

marriage redefined,

divorce made easy.

And so for some of you

this morning,

perhaps it's painful

to think back

through things

you've endured

in your life.

Hard moments,

deep grief,

wrestling with God

about what's next.

Man, if you're there

this morning,

love to walk with you

through that

because there's not

much that's more

difficult than this

because it's a battleground

where God's telling

a story and Satan

wants to write

a different one.

And we need each other

in that.

And you may be sitting

there and hearing

words this strong

from Jesus

like adultery

and feel someone

pointing a finger

at you

and saying,

adultery.

You feel you've got

a scarlet letter

on you

because of your

divorce

or your

unfaithfulness.

In just a minute,

I'm going to do

something that

sounds very

unpastoral.

To have all those

who've committed

adultery

raise their hands.

First, let me remind

you of God's law.

Exodus chapter 20.

Exodus 20 · chapter mention

You shall not

commit adultery.

Adultery.

Matthew chapter 5

Matthew 5:27

verse 27.

You have heard

that it was said

you shall not

commit adultery.

But I say to you

that everyone

who looks at a woman

with lustful intent

has already committed

adultery

with her

in his heart.

Then,

in our passage,

Luke 16,

Jesus says to them,

you are those

who justify yourselves

before men,

but God knows

your hearts.

For what is exalted

among men

is an abomination

in the sight of God.

And then he goes

to apply it

to divorce and marriage.

Everyone who divorces

his wife and marries

another commits adultery.

And he who marries

a woman divorced

from her husband

commits adultery.

And we now understand

that what Jesus

is saying

in this passage

is much harder

than we might realize.

That if we have

ever longed

for marriage

or for anything else

other than God

to fulfill us,

that's adultery.

adultery.

If we have ever

had a less than

glorious view

of marriage,

whether in our own

or toward another's,

that's adultery.

If we have said things

or avoided saying things

rather than embrace

the truth of God's Word

on divorce

or anything else,

that's adultery

in our hearts.

Now with a fresh reminder

of God's perfect standard,

let's go back

to the hands being raised

and I'll start.

All those who have

committed adultery

according to all

of God's holy law,

raise your hand with me.

There's no one left

to throw stones.

There's no one

who's got it together

and can accuse you.

Adultery is a sin,

but it's not

the unforgivable sin.

And that's why

God gives us His law

so that we see

His holy character

and pray that the Holy Spirit

would work in each of us

that we would,

in our friendships,

and if appropriate,

as spouses

and as a church family,

that we would love

with purifying grace

and sacrificial love

and tenacious faithfulness.

We would see how He does that

and long to reflect that

to those around us.

And,

and He gives us His law

set perfectly

beyond what we can measure up to

so that,

seeing our sin,

so that realizing

we can't fix the problem,

we would turn

to our Savior

to find forgiveness

and to actually believe

that as far as the east

is from the west,

so far has He removed

our transgressions from us.

Amen?

We read it earlier,

do you believe that?

Has He wiped

the adultery

that far away

from you?

Don't lower the standard.

Embrace the Savior.

It almost makes you wonder

why God allows divorce

at all,

doesn't it?

You remember how Jesus,

when He allowed

for divorce

reluctantly,

said,

well,

only because of the hardness

of human hearts,

is divorce even permitted?

Why?

Why then does it have to be?

It's because He's saying

human hearts

are not divine.

We can't love

as perfectly,

as infinitely,

as eternally

as God can.

And it's because

human marriage

is not ultimate.

See, the ultimate hope

of the gospel

is not in your marriage

now being a perfect

reflection of God's

love for you.

The hope,

the promise

to us

is of the ultimate

marriage

where your perfect

spouse

removes

the scarlet letter.

He's the perfect one.

In fact,

He's the only one

standing

who could

rightly judge you

for that.

And instead of

judging you for that,

He does what?

He removes it

from you

and He not only

takes that off of you

and removes your sin

as far as the east

is from the west,

He clothes you

with white robes

in glorious beauty

and He comes

to you

to be with you

forever,

He promises.

No divorce

to endure

ever.

He's the perfectly

faithful

spouse

and He loves you

passionately.

Even unlovely

you

in your worst moments

in fact,

His promise

is to make you

lovely

because He loves you.

If your marital

or relational

experience

makes you feel

unlovely now,

know that Jesus

will make you

lovely

and will love you

forever.

Let's pray.

Jesus,

we give you

thanks

for a love

we don't deserve

and could never

earn.

We confess

we like better

the idea

of fixing things

ourselves,

but we need

you

to rescue us.

none of us

stands

on our own

without our

great need

for you

and so we

thank you

that you love

us.

We rejoice

in the story

that you give

to us

and that you give

us the privilege

of telling

and we plead

for your grace

that we would

tell it

in all of our

relationships,

in our marriages,

in this church

family.

Father,

would we love

and would we

especially love

where the

brokenness of

life interrupts

and knocks us

down?

Would we be there

and love each

other well?

In Jesus' name,

Amen.

For more

information,

visit us

online

at

southwood.org

WELT