1 Peter 3:1-7 “Wives and Husbands, Honor and Beauty”

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I have a new joy in getting to preach this passage, having worshiped with y'all.

Thank you.

Sarah, thank you for that encouragement.

I want to add my personal invitation to that two-way conversation tomorrow.

To everyone, this passage says things that are beautiful but challenging to men, women, married, single.

You're all welcome.

But especially to my sisters, whom I love.

I really want to avoid adding to hurt this morning.

And as I've talked with some of you already, I've realized how absolutely capable I am of doing exactly that.

What I don't want to do.

How blind I can be at times to what you're feeling or hearing.

So I want to listen.

That's what tomorrow's about.

And let you listen to one another.

And let us together seek to hear God clearly.

I think especially this week, there is noise in many of our heads and hearts.

And just like any other week, what we most need is to ask God to help us hear His voice clearly.

Because we so need that, don't we?

His voice is the one we need to hear.

So will you pray with me to that end?

God, we just sang that we love your voice.

We do.

You've called us to yourself.

We've heard you call us, your children.

We've heard your voice say, do not fear.

But we have so many voices around us.

The world is screaming, crying out about gender and marriage.

Our own flesh is telling us that we know best and we should listen to that inner voice alone.

Our enemy, the devil, is whispering persistently that you, God, don't really have our best interest at heart.

And that's a lie.

You're good.

So good.

Holy Spirit, speak.

Through the very word of God, that we might hear His voice and follow our good shepherd.

That's our prayer in Jesus' name.

Amen.

Amen.

Let's turn to 1 Peter 3.

I'm going to read first the section addressed to wives.

We'll get to husbands later.

Since we're trying to hear God clearly, let me remind us of something that we may easily forget.

God has been speaking to wives already for two chapters of 1 Peter.

He addresses all of the people in these churches that Peter is writing to.

He's been telling the men and the women, and we all need to hear this reminder,

that our value doesn't come from what we do, how well we perform.

Rather, it comes from who we are.

So when God now begins talking to specific groups of people about being subject to others,

about living such beautiful lives that those who don't yet know God will actually come to follow Him,

He's talking to people that He's already told many gloriously precious things about who they are and their value.

So by way of review, when chapter 3 verse 1 says,

Likewise, wives, let me help you hear God's voice from the first two chapters of this letter alone.

Here's what He's saying.

Wives, beloved daughters of the Lord of the universe,

chosen by God the Father before the world began,

set apart by His Spirit, brought into the family by the precious blood of Jesus,

given specifically for you,

you who have a new life,

a living hope,

an imperishable inheritance,

an inexpressible joy,

in whom God determined to dwell Himself,

giving you unparalleled access near to Him,

because He delighted to make you His very own treasured possession,

the object of His great mercy,

an indispensable part of His eternal family,

with the dignified purpose of manifesting His glory everywhere to everyone.

By the way you live,

the words you say,

your precious faith in Him,

valuable,

blessed,

precious,

dearly beloved,

blood-bought wives,

be subject to your own husbands,

so that even if some do not obey the word,

they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives.

When they see your respectful and pure conduct,

do not let your adorning be external,

the braiding of hair,

the wearing of gold,

or the putting on of clothing,

but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart,

with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit,

which in God's sight is very precious.

For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves,

by submitting to their husbands,

as Sarah obeyed Abraham,

calling Him Lord,

and you are hurt children if you do good,

and do not fear anything that is frightening.

After all the things God has said,

to both men and women,

there are now within a marriage,

different directions given to spouses of different genders.

This happens in nearly every case that marriage is addressed in God's word.

Marriage, we see, is another in this series of authority relationships,

a different kind, certainly, from the others in this series.

But husbands and wives are addressed separately with unique roles.

And for wives, that begins with being subject to their own husbands.

Biblical submission,

clearly not reflective in any of these relationships of inherent value,

but rather of a willing choice to defer to someone else's leadership.

In that sense, like two cars of equal value merging onto the parkway,

and it's tough, and you don't know how,

and one decides it's best to give way and slide in behind the other.

This verse helps us see quickly some things not meant by submission,

because it's clearly not absolute, is it?

It's not assuming that the husband is always right,

or closer to God, or more spiritually knowledgeable or capable.

In fact, Peter urges this submission in the context of the evangelism of the husband,

in hopes that a wife's attitude and actions will have a powerful impact on him

in the most significant area of his life,

his relationship with God.

Far from giving up her agency,

she is serving a significant purpose here, right?

See, in the world of Peter's day,

it was assumed that wives would take on and follow the religion of their husbands.

That's just how it worked.

Of course, if Jesus is Lord,

that's not so simple all of a sudden.

Wives would not be able to follow Jesus

and then turn around and follow their husbands after some other God.

Some of you know the struggle of that situation quite well.

You long to share the relationship that is most important to you,

most formative to your life,

with the person you most love and are committed to.

That is a challenging place to be, right?

So Peter gives encouragement and direction

not to bail out of that relationship,

but to remain faithful in your marriage.

Submitting, being subject to it,

it means taking on a posture of respect,

an attitude of honor,

a disposition to trust.

Now, willing submission does include the idea of seeking your own good.

It may require a lot of faith in God's goodness to believe that is so

when he calls you to place yourself under an imperfect husband,

specifically here,

one who doesn't claim to follow Jesus with you.

But like placing yourself under shelter in a storm,

many of us did that this weekend, right?

Sirens in the middle of the night.

It's designed to be a relationship in which you find blessing.

But while the design is for you to benefit too,

submission means your focus is actually on his welfare,

more than your own,

that you would delight in your husband's honor,

that you would seek his thriving in every way,

including spiritually.

And y'all, what a gift that is to any husband, right?

To receive honor beyond what he earns.

Not just one who may come to faith in Jesus

through the way your life preaches the gospel of grace

and seeing the way Jesus impacts you.

Wow, wouldn't that be amazing?

But that gospel continues to impact Christian husbands too, right?

It's not just the evangelism of it.

You might disciple him by the way you love.

Sarah and Abraham, for example, Christian husband.

Helping him see the worth of Jesus, right?

As you sacrifice.

Helping him taste the grace of Jesus

as you honor him beyond what he earns.

We're going to come back to that.

But next in this passage,

Peter points out that this spirit

is where true beauty comes from.

Not just for married women, by the way.

Verse 4,

Let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart

with the imperishable beauty

of a gentle and quiet spirit

which in God's sight is very precious.

Let me try to explain

what this gentle and quiet spirit is

and then talk about how absolutely valuable it is, okay?

Those two things.

The word for gentle

means not self-promoting,

seeking another's honor first, right?

Not a contentious spirit

but rather patient when correcting,

Galatians 6.1.

Not harsh.

It's a word actually that Jesus uses of himself.

In Matthew chapter 11,

Matthew 11 · chapter mention

Jesus says,

I am gentle and lowly in heart.

Far from meaning weak by that,

gentle Jesus does what?

He provides rest for others.

This gentleness is a fruit of his spirit.

Quiet also is a word used as a virtue for all Christians.

1 Thessalonians 4.11, for example.

A gentle and quiet spirit, y'all,

is not merely ladylike

but truly Christlike.

That's a big deal.

Oh, humble, yes.

Not constantly turning the spotlight on oneself.

But quiet doesn't mean soft-spoken in a whisper all the time

or just a shy personality,

but rather it's talking about the inner spirit,

the heart.

It's a peaceful heart.

A spirit that trusts in God

is not anxiously self-absorbed,

self-obsessed.

Because of that,

I assure you that these women,

Peter's describing,

are strong women

in the best sense of the word.

They're not doormats

or shrinking violets.

Proverbs 31.25 says of the godly wife,

what are her first characteristics?

Strength and dignity are her clothing.

And she laughs at the time to come.

Her gentle strength hopes in God.

And therefore, like Sarah,

can laugh at the days to come.

In other words,

fear nothing that anyone could do to her

because of that hope and trust in God.

This godly woman is quick to listen,

slow to speak,

slow to become angry,

but she can still be passionate

and strong

while gentle and quiet.

See, both of those at the same time.

I dare say,

when, for example,

you raise your voice

to defend the voiceless,

you are reflecting God's image.

You're sharing God's heart.

Just don't be raising your voice

to make much of yourself.

Right?

Inner beauty,

a gentle and quiet spirit.

Now I want you to see how valuable it is.

If someone has told you

that this passage belittles

or demeans women,

I want you especially to listen right now,

okay?

I want you to hear God's word.

This blew me away this week.

There's so many.

I can't even tell you

all the different ways.

What word has Peter used

throughout this letter

when he wants to tell you

how valuable something is?

Can you think about

a word that sticks out over time?

Imperishable, right?

Think of all the

imperishable things he's highlighted.

Our inheritance,

God himself,

our faith,

the blood of Jesus,

more valuable than silver or gold,

the word of God itself,

the gospel.

Now Peter says,

this gentle and quiet spirit

has an imperishable-ness about it.

Its beauty is lasting.

It's eternal.

In fact, in God's sight,

it is very precious.

Are you hearing this?

He treasures

your inner beauty forever.

It's contrasted with the beauty

that we know all too well, right?

This is what we think of

when we hear beauty.

Verse three,

it's the external, right?

The kind you put on

to try to make yourself look good

or impressive

or alluring.

And he says,

it doesn't last.

Proverbs 31 again.

Charm is deceitful.

Beauty is vain.

It's empty.

It's fleeting.

But a woman who fears the Lord

is to be praised.

A woman who fears the Lord, right?

And like Sarah,

fears nothing else.

Even submission in marriage,

not fearing anymore.

That beauty,

fearing the Lord,

never fades.

Which is why it's so valuable.

It's like the godliness

mentioned in 1 Timothy 4, 8.

Where physical training

has some value.

Those things matter.

We're not disconnected

from our bodies.

But spiritual training,

the internal,

holds value

for this life

and the life to come

that lasts forever.

That's why it's so much more valuable.

In God's sight,

that is precious.

Women,

you're a tabernacle

of the most high God.

His spirit dwells in you.

You are precious to him.

Your beauty is not up for debate

by the kids in your class.

It's not.

It's not going to be established

by some guy who comes along

and tries to tell you

that he's the one

that makes you beautiful.

It's not.

He can't be.

It's established

by the God

who made you in his image

and says you're precious

to him.

So much so

that that inner spirit

is exactly the place

he would like to create

as his home

to dwell in you,

a vessel for his majesty.

Can you believe that?

We know what God sees

as beautiful.

Dear sisters,

will you care more

about what God values

or what other people value?

In an image-obsessed world

that is not your home,

will you spend more time

and money

and emotion

on your outward appearance

or your inner character?

For that party coming up,

will it be more important

to prepare your body

to look good

or to prepare your heart

to live godly,

to love others?

There's a place for both.

There's a priority on one.

Men,

before I even read

the husband part,

I want to suggest

there's something

we need to listen to here too.

We are visually sensitive people

by God's good design.

What kind of culture

are we contributing to

as we steward that?

Which values of beauty

are we promoting

for our sisters,

for our daughters?

I'll tell you,

they are already

swimming upstream

to care more

about the inner beauty

when their friends

and the men in their lives

and the magazines

on the stands

care more

about the external,

what they're wearing,

what they look like,

and every time

we gaze at pornography,

every time

we give attention

to the outwardly attractive

over the inwardly beautiful,

every time

we make comments

that belittle

or make fun of someone

based on physical appearance

or performance,

we reject God's value,

God's definition

of beauty.

We sin against Him

and against His image

in the women around us

that we're called to love

and we make these

countercultural priorities

that much harder

for our sisters

for their sake.

Stop.

Repent.

Reorient your values

to God's.

We must.

If we're to love.

Wives,

you are precious

in God's sight,

close to His heart

of imperishable beauty

as you humbly seek

the honor

and flourishing

of your husband

before your own.

Husbands,

perhaps this passage

hasn't wounded

as many of us,

but I'll tell you

it's been really convicting

to me this week.

We too need to remember

that God has said

so much about us

before we perform

or fail to perform

as husbands.

Our value comes

from who we are.

So the same reminder

for us.

Verse 7,

Likewise,

husbands,

husbands,

beloved sons

of the Lord

of the universe,

chosen by God

the Father

before the world began,

set apart

by His Spirit,

brought into the family

by the precious blood

of Jesus

given specifically

for you,

you who have

a new life,

a living hope,

an imperishable inheritance,

and inexpressible joy

in whom God

determined

to dwell

Himself,

giving you

unparalleled access

near to Him

because He delighted

to make you

His very own

treasured possession,

the object

of His great mercy,

an indispensable part

of His eternal family

with the dignified purpose

of manifesting

His glory

everywhere

to everyone

by the way you live,

the words you say,

the precious beauty

of your faith

in Him,

valuable,

blessed,

precious,

dearly beloved,

blood-bought husbands,

live with your wives

in an understanding way,

showing honor

to the woman

as the weaker vessel

since they are heirs

with you

of the grace of life

so that your prayers

may not be hindered.

husbands,

as those called

to love

our wives,

in fact,

to love

as Christ

loved the church

with a towel

wrapped around

our waist,

all the way

to death

if need be

to see them

flourish,

live with them

in an understanding

way,

seek to know

what she loves

what hurts,

what helps,

what makes

her tick.

I realized

this summer

as I got time

on sabbatical

to reflect on

my marriage

that I'd been

neglecting

to pursue

getting to know

Christy

more deeply,

something that

17 years in

you can

sometimes take

for granted

and get lazy.

you.

Sometimes it

was simple

self-love

that cared

more about

understanding

my own

perspectives

and preferences

more than

hers.

Sometimes it

came from

avoiding

potentially hard

conversations

because my

ideal home

and evening

is conflict

free

and very

peaceful.

and at

that altar

I was

missing

the chance

to understand

her better

for the sake

of my

comfort.

I'm trying

to make

time

to ask

more questions

to

listen

more.

Our job

is to

understand

our wives

not make

sure

they

understand

what we

think

and want.

Then we're

told to

show honor

to them

as the

weaker

vessel.

I know

that is a

sensitive

phrase.

The words

are simply

referring

to the

physical

differences

between

genders

typically

there

by God's

design.

The words

mean nothing

further.

If perhaps

you could

be physically

overpowering,

controlling,

or abusing,

instead

treasure

your wife.

Value

her as

precious.

Seek

her

flourishing

in every

way.

Since

she is

called

to be

subject

to

a

function

that

may

appear

weaker

to

some

or

that

others

will

deem

less

valuable,

so

you

all

the

more

as

you

lead

and

love

show

honor

to

clarify

any

confusion

that

might

come

up

about

value.

See,

honor is

even

beyond

respect.

You

have been

blessed

to live

with,

to lead,

even

to love

one who

is so

precious

to God

that he

gave his

life for

her.

And he

now dwells

in her.

You

remember

also she's

a tabernacle

of God.

So far

from abusing

or lording

strength

over her,

honor her,

learn her

wonderful

strengths,

bear patiently

with her

imperfections

and struggles.

Maybe

confess with

me that

you are

way too

focused on

making sure

you get

honor and

respect and

you look

good.

Guys,

you want

something to

do?

We like

something to

do,

don't we?

This

afternoon,

I'll make

it easy.

Learn one

thing about

your wife

and lift

her up

in one

way.

After

all,

she is

physically

weaker

perhaps,

but she's

spiritually

your equal

before your

heavenly

father.

You are

joint

heirs

in a

culture,

y'all,

don't forget,

that was

not a

thing.

There

were no

such

thing as

joint

heirs,

brother and

sister.

No,

no.

But here,

the women,

your wife,

receives like

you the

gift of

life that

none of us

could ever

earn.

Honor her

not because

she's done

something to

earn it,

but because

she is an

heir of

the king

because he

has honored

her.

honor her

so that

your prayers

may not

be hindered.

Of course,

you knew that

was an

obvious

connection.

We all

saw that

one coming.

Best I

can tell,

this is

telling us

that husband

and wife

have a

shared

spiritual

life.

And while

they are

spiritually

equal,

the husband

has a

specific

responsibility

toward their

spiritual

health,

if he's

not treating

her as the

treasured

heir of

grace that

she is,

he's out

of whack

in relationship

with God

somewhere.

His prayers

for her

probably

implied his

prayers

with her

will be a

struggle.

Husbands,

pray for

and if at

all possible

with your

wives.

When you

honor her

as precious

as God

does,

you will

be driven

to your

knees for

her good.

Right?

When you

think of how

precious she

is and how

God has put

her hand

in yours

to love

and to

lead to

him over

and over,

you'll be

praying because

you're not

enough for

that.

Did you

notice in

this passage

that mutual

honor beyond

earning?

Husband and

wife have

different

functions,

different

instructions

here, no

question.

But they

both are

commanded to

seek the

honor of

the other

before their

own, to

be more

delighted in

the honor of

the other

than their

own.

Marriage is

to be, if

you will, a

race downward

to see who

can be below

and lift the

other one up

the most.

And husbands,

it's your

responsibility to

say, ready,

set, go, and

make sure that

race starts.

And you're both

running it.

It's so

beautiful when

this happens in

a marriage.

I watched a

beautiful picture

of it for

several years

when we first

moved to

Huntsville.

In our very

first small

group here at

Southwood, we

met John and

Betty Bates.

If you didn't

get the chance

to meet John

and Betty,

they're both

with Jesus

now, but

they used to

sit right back

there on that

center aisle

every Sunday.

The last few

years of their

nearly 65 years

of marriage

together, John

began to suffer

from dementia

increasingly.

He was always

such a kind

and thoughtful

man, but he

began being

confused, feeling

out of place,

coming still to

the small group

meeting where

he loved to

participate and

talking just as

much, just

usually completely

off topic.

And Betty had

plenty of

opportunities sitting

next to him

to belittle him,

to mock him,

to save face for

herself perhaps.

And she would

smile up at him

and listen

patiently,

occasionally add a

word of clarification

without exposing him

as confused.

Every day she

woke him,

bathed him,

dressed him,

held his hand

while he slept

so that he would

both feel secure

and still feel

that she needed

him.

And then she'd

show up in public

and honor him

when she'd

earned way

more honor.

So beautiful.

She gave us

all a picture

of Jesus'

love with a

strong,

passionate,

gentle,

quiet

spirit.

Isn't honor

beyond earning

after all

the way

Jesus

works?

Isn't that

the good news

of the gospel

of Jesus?

Isn't that

the way

he loves

us?

Jesus

submits himself

to his

father's

will.

Jesus

humbles himself

from heaven.

Jesus

becomes

obedient

to the point

of death

because he

delighted to

see us

honored,

to see us

spiritually

thriving,

to see us

valued and

treasured

more than

himself

and way

more than

we'd

earned.

Amen?

Jesus

was engaged

to an

unfaithful

bride.

She

earned

his

disdain,

his

rejection

over

and over.

That is

the story

of Scripture

from beginning

all the way

through God's

people.

and yet

he chose

to pursue

us persistently

and patiently,

didn't he?

He chose

to wash

us

clean.

He chose

to hold

us in

his hand

so that we

would be

secure

forever.

That's the

kind of love,

love that is

patient

and kind,

that does

not insist

on its own

way,

that never

fails,

the kind

of love

that honors

the beloved

way beyond

earning,

that we,

his precious

bride,

men and

women,

have the

privilege of

receiving from

him and

then have the

high honor

of sharing

with one

another in

lots of ways

and especially

in our

marriages.

Jesus,

may all

of us

believe how

preciously

valuable

you are

to him.

May God

give all

of us

grace to

know how

wide

and how

long

and how

high

and how

deep

is the

love of

Jesus

for you

and then

to love

as he

first

loved us.

Let's pray.

Jesus,

to know

your love

is something

that fills

us with

that

inexpressible

and

glorious

joy.

you love

us right

now and

we didn't

earn it.

You've

loved us

at our

lowest

and our

worst.

Jesus,

you faithfully

pursued

us,

served

us,

sacrificed

for us.

Would

you give

us

delight

in the

privilege

you've

given us

to pass

that love

along?

Might we

rest in

your love?

Might we

rejoice

in sharing

it

today

with our

friends,

with our

neighbors,

and especially

for those

of us

that you've

called into

marriages?

Might we

give

all around

us a

picture

of love

that honors

another

way beyond

what has

been earned?

we need

your help.

Holy Spirit,

give us

your grace

to that

end.

In Jesus'

name,

amen.

Amen.

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