Pure - God's Design for Marriage

Genesis chapter 2 verses 18 to 25.

Genesis 2:18–25

The Lord God said,

It is not good for man to be alone.

I will make a helper suitable for him.

Now the Lord God has formed out of the ground

all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air.

He brought them to the man to see what he would name them

and whatever the man called each living creature,

that's what its name.

That was its name.

So the man gave names to all the livestock,

the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field.

But for Adam, no suitable helper was found.

So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep

and while he was sleeping,

he took one of the man's ribs

and closed up the place with flesh.

Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib

that he had taken out of the man

and he brought her to the man.

The man said,

This is now bones of my bones and flesh of my flesh.

She shall be called woman,

for she was taken out of man.

For this reason,

a man will leave his father and mother

and be united to his wife

and they will become one flesh.

The man and his wife were both naked

and they felt no shame.

Our next reading is in 1 Corinthians 7,

1 Corinthians 7:1–9

verses 1-9.

And that's from page 1148.

Chapter 7, verses 1-9.

Now for the matters you wrote about.

It is good for a man not to marry.

But since there is so much immorality,

each man should have his own wife

and each woman her own husband.

The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife

and likewise the wife to her husband.

The wife's body does not belong to her alone,

but also to her husband.

In the same way,

the husband's body does not belong to him alone,

but also to his wife.

Do not deprive each other

except by mutual consent and for a time,

so that you may devote yourselves to prayer.

Then come together again

so that Satan will not tempt you

because of your lack of self-control.

I say this as a concession,

not as a command.

I wish that all men were as I am,

but each man has his own gift from God.

One has this gift,

another has that.

Now to the unmarried and the widows,

I say,

it is good for them to stay unmarried as I am.

But if they cannot control themselves,

they should marry,

for it is better to marry

than to burn with passion.

Thank you.

Well, it's getting very hot and spicy, isn't it?

Reading like that.

Well, we need God's help

as we look at his word together.

So have your pens and your paper at the ready

to take notes.

Your Bible's open

and we'll ask God for his help

as we look at this together.

Father, there are many things

that we take for granted in this world,

not least our relationships one to another.

And we see that very often

our relationships one to another

can become distorted

and not what they ought to be.

And so we come this morning

with just a newness

wanting to hear again from you

your design for marriage

and what it's all about.

We pray for your help

for each one of us

to understand clearly

for myself as I speak this message.

and we ask, Father,

that you would pour out

your Holy Spirit upon us

to help us to apply it

and to work it into our lives

so that our marriage is everything

that it ought to be.

And whatever situation

that we find ourselves here this morning,

whether we are married

or whether we are on our own,

we pray, Lord,

that you would speak to us

and show us all

the kind of people

that we should be.

In Jesus' name.

Amen.

Amen.

So, as we've said

at the very beginning,

this is a series

which we're calling Pure.

And this morning,

we start by looking at

God's design for marriage.

I don't intend to cover

absolutely everything

that the Bible says about marriage.

We have done other talks

from Colossians

and also Ephesians.

And I'm sure you can look

in the website

to get talks on that

or I can give you notes for it.

But here we're going to be looking

at 1 Corinthians 7.

So, marriage,

what's the point?

So, you're married then.

Oh no, I would never get married.

What's the point in that?

We much prefer living together.

It's far less complicated.

Now, 20 years ago,

such a conversation

would have been very rare.

In fact,

it would have been even frowned upon.

Living in sin

was the phrase.

But today,

as we rapidly move

from a conservative

and religious culture

to a more liberal

and irreligious culture,

the opposite we find

is very true.

To talk about getting married

is outdated

and overrated.

Having a partner

or a live-in boyfriend

or girlfriend

is much easier

to deal with.

After all,

you might discover

that you're not suited

to each other.

According to the Iona Institute

for Religion and Society,

in 1986,

there were no figures available

for people

who were cohabiting.

It was so rare.

In 2006,

the number of cohabiting couples

is almost 122,000.

You might think

that's a small number,

but double it

because they're a couple

and you're almost

at a quarter of a million,

which is quite a lot

for our small population.

Marriage

no longer seems

to be a suitable option.

And perhaps the reason

for this is

marriage breakdown

has increased

by 10%

since 1986,

from 40,000

to over 200,000.

In fact,

today,

marital breakdown

stands at 27%.

So marriage

no longer seems

to be a viable

or a stable option.

So people say,

what's the point

of getting married?

It seems

an unnecessary cost.

It's complicated

if things don't work out.

And to be honest,

well,

it suits

if we don't have

any formal ties.

It seems like

there's not a lot

going for marriage

and even Scripture

sends out a warning

to those

who do consider marriage.

Have a look

at 1 Corinthians 7

and the middle

of verse 28.

Do you see it there

in verse 28?

Halfway down

in the verse.

But those

who marry

will face

many troubles

in this life.

And I want

to spare you this.

And all the married

couples are

nodding their head.

So why

bother with marriage?

marriage?

Why don't we all,

as they used to say

in ages past,

let's all live in sin?

Well,

I think we've lost

our way about marriage

and we need to get back

to the designer

of marriage,

the one who created us,

the one who loves us

and who knows

what is best for us.

We need to go back

to God's design

for marriage.

marriage.

And we ask the question,

what marriage is?

Look at verse 1

of chapter 7.

Now for the matters

you wrote about,

it is good for a man

not to marry.

1 Corinthians

is a letter

written to a church

in a culture

that was up to its eyes

in sexual freedom.

People did

whatever they wanted

with whoever

they wanted.

It was a promiscuous

and licentious city

where anything goes,

except,

it seems,

marriage.

The Christians thought,

verse 1,

that it was good

for a person

not to marry.

Or if you look

at the note

in the bottom

of your page,

there's probably

a little A

or something

at the end

of verse 1

and in the note

at the bottom

it says,

it is good for a man

not to have

sexual relations

with a woman.

In other words,

the only way

that they were to live

in such a sex-crazed society

was to live a life

of celibacy

whether you were

single or married.

The Christians thought

it was actually

more spiritual.

It was more holy

to abstain

even if you were married.

And in an attempt

to be counter-cultural,

they went from

one extreme

to the other.

So Paul seems

to address this balance.

He wants to put

things right.

So he says

in verse 2,

but since there is

so much immorality,

each man should have

his own wife

and each woman

her own husband.

In fact,

back in chapter 6,

just a couple of verses

back up,

in verse 16,

he's already referred

to God's good order.

He's actually

for marriage.

It was the people

in the church

who were saying

it wasn't good

for people to marry.

And Paul's trying

to get across

the point that,

yes,

there is a place

for marriage.

marriage.

And in chapter 6,

verse 16,

there he quotes

from Genesis chapter 2,

Genesis 2:24

verse 24,

where he talks

about the two

becoming one flesh.

So what I want us

to do now

is to jump back

into Genesis chapter 2

Genesis 2 · chapter mention

to get the foundation

of which Paul

builds his whole argument.

So let's go back

to Genesis chapter 2

Genesis 2 · chapter mention

and verse 20.

Genesis chapter 2

Genesis 2 · chapter mention

and starting in

at verse 20.

We read there,

But for Adam

no suitable helper

was found.

So the Lord

caused the man

to fall into a deep sleep

and while he was sleeping

he took one of the man's ribs

and closed up the place

with flesh.

Then the Lord God

made a woman

from the rib.

He had taken out

of the man

and he brought her

to the man

and the man said

with his roses

in hands

and his great romance,

this is now

bone of my bones,

flesh of my flesh

and she shall be called

woe man

for she was taken

out of man.

For this reason

a man will leave

his father and mother

and be united

to his wife

and they will become

one flesh.

The man and his wife

were both naked

and they felt

no shame.

So marriage

is part of God's

good design

and order for the world.

It was one of the things

he established

at creation.

It is a gift

to us

but it comes

with special conditions.

We see this

in verses 24.

It is to be exclusive

between a man

and a woman

and not involving

anyone else

or any other partners.

It is also

to be permanent.

They are to leave

their father and mother.

They are not to live in

with their father and mother

but they are to set up

home together

and be united

together.

To be permanent

together.

And it is to be sexual

as they become

one flesh.

A seal of their

commitment

to one another.

Now while all of this

is true

it doesn't tell us

what the real purpose

of marriage is.

If you ask people today

why they get married

you will get a range

of answers.

You will get something

like this

because I love him.

Because I want to spend

the rest of my days

with her.

So I can have sex.

To get legal status

and benefit

from the tax breaks.

Because I am lonely

and needed security.

There are all the reasons

people might give.

But none of those

is the reason

that God gives.

Look at chapter 2

verse 18.

The Lord God said

it is not good

for the man

to be alone.

I will make

a suitable helper

for him.

Now when God

says that

we read it

and we think

poor Adam

he is all alone.

He needs someone

to satisfy

his loneliness.

And that is why

you get married

so that you are

not lonely anymore.

But that is not

what he actually

says is it?

God does not say

I am going to

make a suitable

companion.

No, God says

I am going to

make a suitable

helper.

And it is the same

in verse 20.

In the middle

of verse 20

but for Adam

no suitable

helper was found.

So God did

the rib thing

and he got a woman

and he presented

the woman

before the man

and there became

one flesh.

Now the purpose

for them coming

together

the reason why

God brought

them together

we have to go

back to Genesis

Genesis 1:27

chapter 1

verse 27.

And there we read

in chapter 1

verse 27

God created man

in his own image.

In the image

of God

he created him

male and female.

He created them.

God blessed

them and he said

to them

be fruitful

and increase

in number

fill the earth

and subdue it

rule over the fish

of the sea

and the birds

of the air

and over every

living creature

that moves

on the ground.

So the man

and the woman

were to come

together for the

purpose of being

fruitful

that they would

increase in number

so that they

would have kids.

But that's

not all.

Together

they are to

rule over

the world

in which

they live.

They are to

rule over it.

They are to

care for the

world in which

they live.

They are to

manage it.

Now if Adam

was to do this

on his own

it would be

a pretty big

task wouldn't

it?

He couldn't do

all that work

on his own.

He needed a

helper.

Somebody who

would come

alongside and

help in the

work.

And so

a woman was

provided.

And to be

honest

the man and

woman they

couldn't do

it on their

own either.

They needed

a family.

So God

had said they

were to be

fruitful and

increase.

They were to

have a family

of gardeners

to take care

of God's

good creation.

Now of course

that doesn't

mean that they

all headed off

to university

to become

horticulturalists.

Gardeners is

simply a

metaphor for

serving God

the way that

he has

planned.

Christopher

Ash,

the author,

put it in

his book,

like this.

It's called

Married for

God.

And this is

what he says,

as we rejoice

with the

lovers in

the garden,

we must not

forget that

there is work

to be done.

The garden

needs gardening.

God's world

needs careful

watch and

careful work.

You see,

God's purpose

for marriage

is mission.

This is God's

mission for

his people.

people.

It's not

just to

meet the

need of

loneliness.

It's not

just so

people can

have sex.

It's about

serving God's

greater plan

and purpose.

And as we

look at the

world today,

we see that

over the

centuries,

people have

been fruitful.

The world

has been

populated.

They have

obeyed the

command.

There's now

over 10

billion people

in the

world.

But rather

than gardeners

who care

for the

world,

we've become

vandals,

haven't we?

Mankind

has wrecked

the world

in which we

live.

We don't

take care

of it.

And the

world is

broken,

not just

physically,

but socially.

Marriages

break up,

families fall

apart,

children are

having to

live with

people who

aren't their

parents.

And socially

things are

broken down,

and morally

and spiritually.

And this

is the

world in

which we

live.

And God

has a

purpose for

the marriage

unit in

the context

of all this

mess.

To quote

again from

Christopher

Ash,

he says,

the creator

entrusts to

married couples

the awesome

privilege and

responsibility of

procreating

potential gardeners

to join his

team.

In other

words,

to build a

family.

They are to

work,

to teach,

to discipline

and pray

that they

will grow

up into

adult actual

gardeners who

learn to

love God

and care

for his

world.

So God's

whole design,

his whole

purpose for

marriage is

to be like a

little unit

living under

God's rule

within the

community in

which they

live,

love.

Demonstrating

to the

world and

witnessing to

the world

what it

actually looks

like to

live under

God's care

and under

his rule

and to

express God's

love out

through the

family to

others.

So marriage

is a witness

and a

demonstration of

how we should

live in this

world.

It's all part

of God's

mission and

it is God's

means for

bringing change

and healing

to a broken

and a

hurting world.

So marriage

isn't just

something that's

kind of come

up from

nowhere.

It was God's

design from

the very

beginning to

show people

what it is

to live

orderly and

correctly in

God's world.

So that

kind of looks

at the first

thing, a

definition if

you like,

of what

marriage is.

Which brings

us on to,

well, why

should we

marry?

Why should

we marry?

And we

need to

take all

of what

we've said

so far and

bring it with

us back to

1 Corinthians

1 Corinthians 7 · chapter mention

chapter 7.

Because that

is the

foundation to

which Paul

builds the

rest of

what he

goes on to

say.

Now while

mission may

be the

primary reason

for marriage,

and I want

to underline

primary,

there is also

a very

practical

reason.

Look at

1 Corinthians

1 Corinthians 7:1

chapter 7

verses 1

and 2.

Now he

said,

for the

matters you

wrote about,

it is good

for a man

not to

marry,

but since

there is so

much immorality,

each man

should have

his own

wife,

and each

woman her

own

husband.

Verse

8.

Now to

the unmarried

and the

widows,

I say,

it is good

for them to

stay unmarried

as I

am,

and we'll

be looking

at that

more next

week.

But if

they cannot

control

themselves,

they should

marry,

for it is

better to

marry than

to burn

with passion.

Now Corinth

was known

for its

sexual freedom

and its

loose

lifestyle.

In fact,

it was so

prominent

that it

had become

integrated

into the

life of

the church.

So have a

look back at

chapter 5,

verse 1.

chapter 5,

verse 1.

It is actually

reported that

there is sexual

immorality among

you, and of a

kind that does

not even occur

even among the

pagans, amongst

those who aren't

Christians.

A man has

his father's

wife.

So somebody's

run off with

his stepmother.

And in

chapter 6,

verse 16.

As quick as

they were to

go off to

the prayer

meeting on

a Wednesday

night,

they were as

quick to run

down to visit

the local

prostitute.

Verse 16 of

chapter 6.

Do you know

that he who

unites himself

with a

prostitute is

one with her

in body?

For it is

said the two

will become

one flesh.

Verse 18.

Flee from

sexual immorality.

So it was an

anything-goes

society,

immorality, and

it was becoming

acceptable within

church life.

And so Paul's

pastoral response

is so very

practical.

Verse 2 of

chapter 7.

Since there is

so much

immorality,

each man should

have his own

wife, and each

woman should have

her own husband.

So he's saying

to them very

clearly, there is

a place for

sexual expression.

But it's not

down in the

local brothel.

And it's not

with your

stepmother.

It's to be

within the

context of

marriage.

Now, listening

here, we may be

trying to relate

all of this to

us, and you

might not be

particularly

attracted to

your stepmother

or stepfather

if you have

one.

And you

might be

visiting the

local brothel.

But we

can't deny

the sexual

temptation that

surrounds us

every day.

Easy access

to internet

porn in the

chat rooms.

Films and

TV programs.

Our culture

is continually

bombarding us,

telling us that

sexual freedom

is good.

It's satisfying

and it's

fulfilling, and

it's okay.

Everybody else

is at it, so

why don't

you?

And the

point is

simply this,

that it's

actually very

hard to

remain very

pure in a

sex-crazed

world.

The sex

drive is

very real,

and when

continually

aroused by

our culture,

and when

it's driven

to the heart

through temptation,

it is very

difficult for

us all,

whoever we

are, to

live rightly.

So to

save and

to help the

poor Christian

who is

trying to

live a

pure life

in this

mad society,

and let's

face it,

our society

is no

different today,

so to

try and

help the

Christian who

is trying to

live a

pure life,

Paul says,

get married.

Look at

verse 9.

But if

they cannot

control

themselves,

if they

can't live

properly,

they should

marry,

for it is

better to

marry than

to burn

with passion.

Now some

of you know

that Kirstie

and I

were met

and engaged

and married

within nine

months,

so it was

quite clear

that Kirstie

was burning

with passion

and she

couldn't keep

away from

me.

But what

Paul is

saying here

in this

is,

look,

don't be

trying to

force people

to remain

single.

Don't be

trying to

force people

to live a

celibate life.

It's not the

way to deal

with it.

We'll look at

this next week,

but he says

there is a

gift for

singleness

and there is

a gift for

getting married.

And he is

saying in a

very practical

way,

that the

sexual

passion

that burns

within us,

the only

place in

which it

is cooled

is within

the context

of marriage.

And it

saves you

from a

life of

brokenness

and a

life of

destruction.

And instead

what happens

within the

marriage unit,

it becomes

the context

for bringing

help and

bringing healing

to a

sexually

disorientated

world.

world.

So he's

being very

practical about

these things.

And I want

to speak,

I suppose,

generally but

specifically to

younger people.

Don't be

following the

ways of the

world.

Sexual freedom

is not good.

It will lead

to all kinds of

difficulties and

all kinds of

hurts and

suffering.

We must

follow God's

good order.

He has

designed the

world the

way it is

and this

is the

right way

to live.

There is a

place for

sexual passion

and that is

only within

the context

of marriage.

But I

suppose as we

look at this,

it does raise

the question,

and we're all

probably wanting

to ask it,

but far too

embarrassed to

ask it,

does that mean

that when I get

married that I

can have sex

whenever I want

to?

Well, I

don't think

that's what

he's saying.

There is a

primary reason

for marriage

and that's

mission,

God's design

and God's

order.

There's a

very practical

reason as

well as we

live in a

very sexual

immoral world

and we have

those struggles

and there's a

way to deal

with it,

but there's

also a way

in which we

should conduct

our marriage.

Look at

verse 3.

The husband

should fulfill

his marital

duty to

his wife

and likewise

the wife

to her

husband.

Now,

contrary to

what many

people think,

and I'm

talking of

people outside

the church,

perhaps even

within the

church as

well,

God is

actually for

sex.

He's not

against it.

It's not a

naughty thing

or a bad

thing.

It's a good

thing.

And if you

want to know

more about

that,

have a read

of Proverbs

Proverbs 5 · chapter mention

chapter 5

or read

through Song

of Solomon

and you

will see

that it

is really

celebrated.

But again,

it is only

to be in

the context

of marriage.

And spouses,

and here I

speak particularly

to spouses,

we have

responsibilities

to each

other,

as he

explains in

verse 4.

Have a look

at verse 4.

The wife

this body

does not

belong to

her alone,

but also

to her

husband.

But he

doesn't stop

there.

There's an

equality.

In the

same way,

the husband's

body does

not belong

to him

alone,

but also

to his

wife.

Now,

what he's

talking about

here is,

I'm calling

mutual

submission

and service.

Now,

before you

all come

down on

me like

a ton

of bricks,

let me

try to

explain and

work this

one out.

Our

culture

views

sexual

activity

as all

about

fulfilling

my needs

and my

wants.

It's all

very me

centered.

It says

get what

you can

when you

can.

You

treat the

person

however you

like to

satisfy your

own needs.

So the

person who

you are

with is

just simply

treated as

an object,

a means of

gratification.

And what

that does

is it

just degrades

people.

It destroys

who they

are.

It creates

fear and

it creates

mistrust.

That's the

way in which

the world

operates.

But that's

not the

way it

has to

be with

marriage.

In

marriage,

it's about

submission.

submission.

You don't

take from

the other

person.

You give

to the

other

person.

You don't

demand from

your wife.

You seek

their good.

You don't

force something

from your

husband.

You want

their best.

Your body,

when you get

married,

when we

looked at

Genesis,

the two

become one

flesh.

When you

come together,

and as it

says here in

verse 4,

your body

doesn't

belong to

you alone

anymore.

It belongs

also to

the other.

And that

means that

it's not

about your

rights and

what you

want,

but it's

about their

rights and

what they

need.

So within

the context

of marriage,

you are

submitting

yourself to

the other

person.

in

marriage,

you are

entrusting

yourself,

and it

is a

trust

exercise

in coming

to be

married,

you are

entrusting

yourself

into the

loving care

because you

know that

you are

going to

be treated

sensitively,

carefully,

and lovingly.

So

submission is

a mutual

submission,

one to

the other.

In

summary,

we could

put it like

this,

that sexual

expression,

expression,

sexual

expression

within the

marriage,

should never

be demanded,

and it

should never

be withheld.

Now that's

all he says

about that

in these

verses.

It doesn't

say how

often,

how much,

and that's

for each

couple here

to work out

for themselves,

and that

will be

different

for every

couple.

And they've

got to

work that

out within

a loving

and caring

relationship.

But the

first thing

is mutual

submission.

Not about

your rights,

but their

rights.

But it's

not just

mutual

submission,

there's also

to be

mutual

agreement.

Look at

verse 5.

Do not

deprive

each other

except by

mutual

consent

and for

a time,

so that

you may

devote

yourselves

to prayer.

Then come

together again

so that

Satan will

not tempt

you because

your lack

of self-control.

Now,

I just

find scripture

so practical,

isn't it?

There are

times when

the married

couple need

to put

everything

else to

one side

and give

themselves

not to

each other

but to

prayer.

And the

prayer life

of a

married

couple

is crucial

and time

needs to

be given

to pray

for specific

needs,

not least

for the

marriage

itself

and for

the

family.

And once

again,

as it

was in

verse 4,

this isn't

to be

forced

or demanded,

but it

is to be

agreed upon.

There is

to be

mutual

consent.

Now,

when I was

reading through

this,

I found

it a

real

challenge.

When was

the last

time,

and I

speak again

to married

couples,

when was

the last

time that

you took

time out

to pray

together

as husband

and wife?

When did

you last

do that?

Can you

remember?

I

think there's

a real

imbalance

in our

lives.

People

will rush

to the

counselor

because their

sex life

is in

trouble,

but you

ever hear

of people

rushing to

their pastor

or to

somebody

else because

their prayer

life is

in trouble?

there are

times when

we have

to kneel

beside the

bed instead

of jumping

into the

bed.

And I

want to

encourage us

to think

about what

it is to

pray together

as couples.

You need

to plan.

I need

to plan.

to take

time out

with my

wife.

To pray

together.

To pray

for your

children if

you have

children.

To pray

not only

that they

would have

a great

career and

they'd be

very healthy

and successful,

but ultimately

that your

children would

come to

love God

and follow

God.

That they

would become

people who

would example

what a

marriage is

meant to

look like.

I had

parents who

prayed for

me in

that way.

Right from

the very

beginning,

if it was

God's will,

they prayed

that I

would have

a wife.

And the

first day

that I

brought

Kirstie

back home,

in a very

embarrassing

way,

my mother

said,

oh,

you're the

one we've

been praying

for.

How

embarrassing

was that?

Anyway,

thanks,

mum.

She still

stayed with

me.

It was

Kirstie,

by the way.

Although she

called her

by the

wrong name,

she called

her Denise

instead of

Kirstie.

I'll tell

you about

Denise

another day.

But the

point is

that marriage

is good.

Marriage is

important.

Sorry,

prayer is

important.

And we

need to

conduct that

rightfully and

in the proper

place within

marriage.

But,

and there's

a big but

there in

verse 5,

never

use prayer

as an

excuse

for

withholding

yourself

from your

spouse.

So,

none of

this,

sorry dear,

can we

pray again

tonight.

Look at

what it

says at

the end

of verse

5.

Come

together

again

so that

Satan

will not

tempt

you

because of

your lack

of self

control.

he is

just so

practical.

There are

enough

temptations

outside of

marriage,

there are

enough

things

bombarding

us.

Marriages

are under

so much

pressure

that married

people should

live in such

a way that

they don't

give Satan

a chance

to ruin