Pure - Living the Single Life

We're going to look at this together. Before we do, we're going to pray and to ask our

prayer.

I pray for Tom Campbell, who's up in service today, who's been preaching in the church

there today.

Our Father God, we thank you so much for your word. We thank you for its great big story

of a God who has come to pursue us, to love us so that we might belong to you. We thank

you that you are generous in your love towards us. And we thank you that you are generous

in all the gifts that you give to us. And we ask now that you would give to us and pour

out your Spirit upon us so that we may hear and understand, be able to apply these truths

to our life, whatever status we may find ourselves in. We pray for those who are speaking your

word all around this country today. We pray for Tom and Sherlock. We pray for other churches

in this city, in this campus. We pray for ourselves now as we listen to your word that you would

give to each speaker your spirit, that they may speak clearly, communicate effectively,

so that hearts will be challenged, people changed, churches built up and encouraged, that we may

go on living the way he has called us to live. So please, Lord, make our time together in encouraging

one, challenge us, but also change us. We ask these things in Jesus' name. Amen.

So last week we looked at marriage and today we're going to be looking at singleness. So if you do

have questions afterwards, please do talk to me. You might agree with everything and you might want

to discuss it out and we can do that over-copping or talk to your neighbour about it. I'm sure you've all

heard of the comedy film, Bridget Jones Diary. Well, the film starts with Bridget reading from her diary.

This is what it says. It all began on New Year's Day, in my 32nd year of being single. Once again,

I found myself on my own and going to my mother's annual turkey curry buffet. Every year she tries to fix me

up with some bushy-haired middle-aged four and I feared this year would be no exception. Bridget is

single and all her friends are either married or they have partners and she feels left out and

deplanious. And with ongoing pressure from her friends and from her mother, she writes in her diary,

the story. New Year's resolution one, lose weight, stop smoking, drink less than 14 units of alcohol a week.

New Year's resolution two, always put last night's panties in the washing basket and equally important,

we'll find nice sensible boyfriends to go out with. And the rest of the story unfolds, Bridget goes looking for her man.

But the film is putting across a message. Being single, we are told, is not an option. If you don't have a partner,

or at least someone who you can regularly sleep with, well, there must be something wrong with you.

It's just not acceptable. The pressure is huge for single people to be linked to someone. You must either be

in a relationship or pursuing a relationship or ending one because you've fallen for someone else.

And it seems to me that Christian culture has become no different. The pressure that people are put under,

single people, to be in a relationship is huge. He's such a great guy. How come he's still single?

There must be something wrong. They'd make a great couple, wouldn't they? We'll have to try and get him to get him.

Is she still on her own? Maybe we should pray and actually find something.

Somehow we have bought into the world's culture that to be single is to be abnormal. It's almost seen as a curse,

as a disease that you're carrying around. If you really want to get on in life, then you need to settle down and get married.

Now such thinking is not only wrong, it is sensitive, it's unloving, and above all else it's safe to understand

God's use of God's use of being single. Well far from being abnormal, singleness is actually a gift from God.

Look at chapter 7 and verse 7.

Paul is writing through the church. He says,

I wish that all men were as I am. Now let me just pause there. The Apostle Paul, who you will know of, who wrote a good deal of the New Testament,

was actually married at one time. Well how do we know that? Well he was a member of the Sanhedrin, and you couldn't be a member of the Sanhedrin without being married.

Now within Jewish culture, it was more than likely that everybody was, but particularly because of his position he would have been married.

So somewhere along the line, Paul started as a married man, but now he's on his own. Either his wife has died, or perhaps she left him when he became a Christian.

We don't know. But we do know that right now he is. So he says in verse 7, I wish that all men were as I am.

But each person has their own gift from God. One has this gift, and another has that.

So he's saying very simply that some have been given the gift of marriage, and some have been given the gift of singleness.

Our status, whether we are married or single, doesn't make us more superior or less inferior.

Our status, whatever situation we are in, is a gift from God. So rather than a curse to be put up with,

singleness, like marriage, is to be welcomed and accepted as something good from our heavenly father.

In fact, we should be very careful to make sure that our status never defines us.

What sense is the greater gift, my relationship to Christ?

This is the greater gift that we could ever have, whether we are married or single.

And this is what our true and primary identity is.

The most important thing, regardless of status, is that we are followers of the Lord Jesus Christ, and that we belong to him.

Now, if you are single, you may be struggling with what verse 7 says.

You might be saying, well, I don't very much like that gift.

I prefer the gift of marriage. In fact, I feel I ought to be married. I like to be married. I don't like this gift that God has given me.

Well, as we will see shortly, our status can, and it does, from time to time, change.

But perhaps the reason why people struggle with singleness is because they don't know if you understand the purpose.

Marriage has a purpose that we looked at last week, and so the singleness.

We tend to put far too much emphasis on our status, when the real focus is about service.

Not status, but service.

So the first thing that we're going to look at is a life of service.

Marriage is a picture on the one hand of Christ's love and devotion to the church.

Singleness, on the other hand, is a picture of the church's love and devotion to Christ.

Marriage should not be seen as superior to singleness, and singleness should never be viewed as inferior to marriage.

Marriage should not be seen as inferior to the church.

Together, they are complementary.

On the one hand, or together, they reflect the whole relationship of God with his people.

So if people look at the married unit, if they look at the married life, they should see a picture of God's loving service,

as the way the husband sacrificially serves and cares for his wife.

And if people look at the single life, they should see a picture of our loving service and dedication to God.

As people give themselves wholeheartedly to serve and love God.

So singleness is actually full of purpose.

It's all about service.

Well, where do you get that from, say?

Well, let's have a look at the passage here, and we'll see how it's worked out.

First of all, stay as you are.

Verse 17.

Nevertheless, he's just been talking about marriage and the various situations people may find in their marriage.

He says, nevertheless, each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigns them,

unto which God has called them.

Now, because of all the sexual immorality that there was in common,

and that was seeping into the church,

in attempt to be different,

the Christians were coming around and saying,

look, we have to change our status.

We have to be so different to everybody else.

So married people were acting as if they were single,

and single people were kind of hiding away completely from everybody else,

and they were all changing their status.

But what he's saying here is,

whatever situation you were in,

when you became a Christian,

stay as you are.

For example, verse 18.

He asks the question,

was a man already circumcised when he was called,

when he became a Christian?

Well, he should not become uncircumcised.

Was a man uncircumcised when he became a Christian?

Well, he should not be circumcised.

Now, just as you don't change your cultural identity when you become a Christian,

so you don't seek to change your status when you become a Christian.

There was no sign that you came in the door that said,

when you become a Christian,

you must become a Protestant,

or you must become a Baptist.

In the same way, there isn't a sign up there that says,

when you become a Christian,

you must get married.

First, verse 19.

Circumcision is nothing,

and uncircumcision is nothing.

Keeping God's command is what counts.

So, marriage by itself

is not going to make any difference to your life

in terms of purity or your relationship with God.

And singleness by itself is not going to make you any better or more pure by itself.

Obeying God is what ultimately counts.

So, verse 20.

Each one, each person,

should remain in the situation

which he would be

when God called him.

When he became a Christian.

Now, there's a big question there, isn't there?

You're probably looking at me and saying,

Charlie, when did you become a Christian?

Well,

I was single when I became a Christian.

But I'm married now.

Am I being disobedient?

Well, we'll come back to that in a minute.

You see, being a Christian does not mean a change in status,

but a change in service.

We have been now set free to serve God.

Look at verse 21.

Were you a slave when you became a Christian or when you were taught?

Well, don't let it trouble you.

Although, if you can, gain your freedom.

Or, if you can, gain your freedom to do so.

Now, slavery was a real issue in the first century

and it still is in many parts of the world today.

And many who had become Christians were actually slaves.

So, in this instance,

he is not encouraging slaves to stay as they are.

But, as it says at the end of verse 21,

don't let it trouble you.

In other words,

if you're in a situation

and you can put up with being a slave,

you've got a good master

who actually does take care of you

and does provide you with a place to live

and does give you food for your work.

If you can put up with it,

put up with it.

Although, if you can gain your freedom,

do so.

So, why is he introducing this whole issue of slavery?

Well, he's introducing it to illustrate

a freedom that we all have.

Look at verse 22.

For he who was a slave

when he was called by the Lord,

that phrase called by the Lord

is simply when he became a Christian,

is the Lord's freedom.

Now, physically, obviously,

he is not free.

He's still tied to his earthly master

under his control.

He has to do what he says.

But, through Christ,

the slave,

when he becomes a Christian,

has been set free spiritually.

He's been released from the power

and the consequences of sin.

He's been set free from a more

risk of the devil.

He is now a freed man.

Verse 22.

Well, the rest of verse 22,

similarly,

he who was a free man,

who wasn't a slave,

when he became a Christian,

is now Christ's slave.

So, physically,

this person who wasn't a slave,

obviously,

when he becomes a Christian,

doesn't have changed by Langdon

and he's not kicked out for work.

No, he maintains his freedom.

But, through Christ,

when he becomes a Christian,

he now becomes a slave to Christ.

In one sense,

he has lost his freedom.

And now,

he has become a slave

to serve Christ.

Not to a ruthless dictator,

but to a loving and caring king.

And that's simply what it is

for each one of us,

if we are Christians.

We have been set free

from serving ourselves,

so that now,

we become slaves of Christ.

And in the context here,

he is saying,

if you are single,

if you are unmarried,

you have been set free

from sin,

so that you can now become

a servant of Christ.

It's not about your status,

it's all about service.

Verse 23,

you were bought at a price.

Do not become slaves of men.

Christ died for you.

He owns you.

He is your true master.

You belong to him.

Just as we read

at the beginning in Ezekiel,

we have this one

who pursued us,

this lover who came

to find us.

And when he finds us,

he says,

you now belong to me.

And he's simply saying,

here,

you were bought at a price.

Do not become slaves of men.

Don't use your singleness,

don't use your freedom to indulge in sexual immorality

and behave however you want.

Don't be using your singleness

to be constantly looking around

for that perfect relationship.

Instead,

use your singleness

to serve God,

to give your life to him.

verse 24,

brothers and sisters,

each person

as responsible to God

should remain

in the situation

God called us.

We are

to be slaves

to Christ.

Look down

at verse 32.

I would like you

to be free

from concern.

He says that

because if you look

at the end of verse 28,

it says,

those who marry

will face many troubles

in this life

and I want to spare you this.

And he continues

verse 32,

I would like you

to be free

from concern.

An unmarried man

is concerned

about the Lord's affairs.

how he can please

the Lord's affairs.

But a married man

is concerned

about the affairs

of this woman,

looking after his wife,

after her needs

and his interests

are divided.

And he balances up

as he talks about

the women.

An unmarried woman

or virgin

is concerned

about the Lord's affairs.

Her aim

is to be devoted

to the Lord

in both body

and spirit.

But a married woman

is concerned

about the affairs

of this world.

How she can plead

her husband.

Now, it's all

very crystal clear,

isn't it?

It's saying

a single person

will do far more

for the Lord

than a married person.

It's not saying

that the single person

is better

as in superior,

but practically speaking,

single people

will be able

to serve God

far more

than married people.

I think it says

a bit more.

You can see it

in those who are married.

Perhaps even those

who are married

through this morning.

They're always tired,

aren't they?

Why are they always tired?

They never have much time.

Dad is rushing back

from work

to look after

the wife

who hasn't been

well through the day.

Mum is having

to rush out early

to bring the kids

to the flesh

on the way

to somewhere else.

Mum can't go out

tonight because

the kids are being

put to bed.

Now, none of these

things are wrong.

They're all necessary

and they're valuable,

but the reality is

that's what they're

all tied up with,

these very practical

things,

and they don't have

time,

and they're tired.

The single person,

on the other hand,

while they have work

and everything else

like married people,

they actually do have

lots of time

on their hands.

They have no first

things to organise,

no nappies to be changing

if there's children

in the married life.

You have no spouse

to look after.

There's no school runs

to be done,

no big meals to prepare,

no big shots to be done.

There's no big decision-making

process to have

with your spouse

that usually ends up

in a big mad argument.

You can go

whenever you like

and you can come home

whenever you like.

You can go off

for a whole week

and nobody's going

to say anything.

Single people

are free

to serve.

Now my challenge

to single people

is this.

We spoke a lot

of challenges

to the married people

last week.

Single people,

wake up,

whatever age you are.

Hmm?

Are you using

your singleness well?

Am I preoccupied

with wanting sex

or am I willing

to be a slave

to Christ?

Ask yourself,

what do you spend

your time thinking about?

Pursuing that relationship?

Running after that boy?

Running after that girl?

Or am I pursuing

the kingdom of God?

Am I more interested

in spending time

with my girlfriend,

boyfriend,

than actually serving

the church?

Sorry,

I can't do anything.

I've got to go

to the cinema tonight.

Verse 35.

I am saying this

for your own good,

not to restrict you,

but that you may live

in a right way

in undivided devotion

to the Lord.

In my preparation,

I came across this quote.

Singleness glorifies God

by communicating the message

that love and devotion

to Christ is primal.

It says to a watching world,

God is enough.

God is sufficient.

God is better than anyone else

or any singer.

God is worth all the pain

of serving Jesus.

So, he's very practical.

He's very clear.

And he's saying

that the single life,

yes, it's a gift from God,

and his primary purpose

is to be a life

dedicated,

undivided devotion

to serving God

and not chasing

things of this world.

But he goes on also

to talk about

a life of sexual purity.

And we go back

to the question

that we raised earlier.

You say,

Johnny,

I was a single

when I became a Christian.

Does that mean

that I have to stay

as I am?

That I should remain

in the situation

that God told me to?

Can I never get married?

What if I don't feel

gifted to be changed?

Well,

whatever your gift is,

this passage is very clear

to say that our gift

may change.

But the emphasis,

if our gift is changing,

the emphasis must be

on sexual purity.

Look at verse 8,

chapter 7.

Now,

to the unmarried

and to the widows,

I say this.

It is good for them

to stay unmarried

as I am,

for the very reasons

that we've just looked at.

They are free from concern

and able to give their life

completely to the Lord.

But,

he's practical,

he's real.

But,

if they cannot control themselves,

they should marry.

for it is pressure

to marry,

then to burn,

which is passion.

Now,

the pressures

for single people

are absolutely huge.

It is big at this time

and it is big today.

I think there are two major pressures

that single people

have to live with.

There is the passion pressure,

as I call it here

in verse 9,

which comes from the inside.

If our normal

and natural

biological development

that when boys

see girl

and girls see boy,

there's something

going on inside.

There's the passion pressure.

Then there's the peer pressure,

which comes from the outside,

which says,

if you want to be normal,

if you're going to fit in

with the rest of the society,

you have to be

in a sexual relationship.

And these are the pressures

that are crowding in

on young people,

on single people.

And Christians,

within that context,

it's important,

he's saying,

that you conduct yourself rightly,

that you live with impurity.

And it seems to me

that there are simply

two options

for those who are single.

The first

is get married.

Look at verse 36.

If anyone thinks

they are acting

improperly

towards the virgin,

he is engaged to.

And if she is

getting on in years,

meaning beyond the years

of childbirth,

if she's getting on in years

and feels

he ought to marry,

he should do

as he wants.

He's not sinning.

They should get married.

Now I think you know

by now that

I'm not in favour

of long-term relationships.

she can come back

to me on all of this

afterwards.

But I don't think

it's a good thing

and here's the reason why.

Verse 36

is a good reason.

In fact,

I don't think

that you should be

starting any relationship

with anybody

unless

you think

you're going to be

marrying that person.

I think we have

all around the wrong way.

People just

join their relationships

like a union.

It's just not

healthy.

It's not good for them.

Let me divert

a minute.

Keep your finger there

in 1 Corinthians 7

and go to

1 Timothy

1 Timothy 5 · chapter mention

chapter 5.

1 Timothy

1 Timothy 5 · chapter mention

chapter 5.

1 Timothy

1 Timothy 5 · chapter mention

chapter 5.

1 Timothy

1 Timothy 5 · chapter mention

chapter 5.

1 Timothy

1 Timothy 5 · chapter mention

chapter 5.

1 Timothy

1 Timothy 5 · chapter mention

chapter 5.

1 Timothy

1 Timothy

1 Timothy 5 · chapter mention

chapter 5.

1 Timothy

1 Timothy 5 · chapter mention

chapter 5.

1 Timothy

1 Timothy 5 · chapter mention

chapter 5.

1 Timothy

1 Timothy 5 · chapter mention

chapter 5.

1 Timothy

1 Timothy 5 · chapter mention

chapter 5.

1 Timothy

1 Timothy 5 · chapter mention

chapter 5.

So this is

older Paul

talking to

young man

single man

Timothy.

1 Timothy

1 Timothy

1 Timothy

We'll pick it up

at verse 1

of chapter 5.

1 Timothy

do not rebuke

an older man

an older man

harshly

but exhort him

as if he were

your father

1 Timothy

2 Timothy

treat younger

men

as your own

brother

1 Timothy

3 Timothy

treat older

women

as you would

your own

mother

2 Timothy

And Timothy, treat younger women as your sister with absolute purity.

Now I think this is an excellent verse for telling us how single people should behave in a relationship and how they should treat each other.

Let's just think about it. If you are single man or single darling and you have somebody who you are attracted to, are you going to start that relationship?

How are you going to behave in that relationship? Well here's your guideline. You treat them as your sister.

Would you sleep with your sister? Hmm? I'm not being rude, I'm being very practical and rude.

Would you French kiss your sister? You wouldn't would you? Treat younger women as sisters.

The relationship that you are in, treat them with absolute purity.

And the reverse is also true for those who are women. If you are attracted to a guy.

How are you going to treat them? How are you going to behave with them?

Are you going to, would you flirt with your brother? Would you dress provocatively for your brother?

Well you wouldn't. Well then don't do it to other young men. Treat them with absolute purity.

And I think that's the message that Paul is seeking to communicate in 1 Corinthians 7.

From verse 36. If you are acting improperly, there shouldn't be any improper behaviour in a relationship.

There is a place for sexual expression. There is a place for what we have just talked about.

But it is only within the context of marriage. And if you cannot control yourself and if you can't live your relationship properly,

would you hurry up and get married and live properly?

And if you do choose to get married, let me say this. Here are three C's that I think will be helpful.

It's not here in the passage, but I think nonetheless it's helpful.

Make sure that the person you marry is a Christian.

In fact, actually, if you do look at chapter 7 verse 39.

A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives, but if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes.

But he must be long to the Lord.

So make sure the person that you are going to marry is a Christian.

Don't entertain the whole idea of, well I'll just get engaged with them, I'll just go out with them,

and then hopefully they'll become a father of Jesus in time and everything will work out fine.

Don't do it. You're heading down the road of destruction and a time of great difficulty.

Sometimes it does happen.

And for some, for other reasons, you may find that you are in a relationship

and you are the only Christian within the relationship, within the marriage.

Well, God is gracious in those times.

He does know.

Look at verse 12.

Chapter 7 verse 12.

And to the rest I say this, I, not the Lord.

If any brother has a wife who is not a believer, and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her.

Verse 16.

How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband?

Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

So if you are in a married relationship and one is not a believer, God is gracious and through that marriage,

the other one may become a Christian.

But the answer here is, make sure the person you marry is a Christian.

But not only should they be a Christian, make sure that they are also Christ-centred.

Many people are Christians but they are lacking in their desire to serve God.

Perhaps they are brand new Christians, maybe they are just immature.

Maybe they just enjoy playing on the play station at the time.

Don't lower your standards.

Raise your standards.

Marry those who have an undivided devotion to the Lord.

Those who you are going to work with, where you can be in a church together,

and serve the Lord wholeheartedly together.

Don't lower your standards.

And it's not just about spiritual matters.

It's also to be very practical.

There's no point in marrying somebody who just doesn't get on with.

They've got to be compatible, haven't they?

Get on with them.

Similar likes to their own friends.

Being able to talk to each other, relate and so on.

But I think those GCs are a good guide in when we are seeking to get married.

So if marriage is for you, and you find yourself single at this time, God is not going to make it hard for you.

He doesn't aim to make life complicated.

He is the giver of all gifts.

And he will do exactly the same if he is going to provide you.

He will do it in your time.

So that's option one.

Get married.

The other option, and it's obvious as it may sound, is in verse 37.

Remain single.

Verse 37.

But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion, but has control over his own will.

In other words, he's not struggling with the issues of verse 9.

He's under control.

Who is under no compulsion, but has control over his own will.

And who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin, this man also does the right thing.

Self-control is the calling of every Christian, and self-control is required if we are to remain single.

Being single doesn't give us license to indulge in sexual promiscuity and be with whoever we want.

And as we've said, singleness isn't for everyone, and nor is marriage.

But if God has called you to a single life, he will equip you, and he will enable you to live a pure life.

And if you've given yourself to the Lord in undivided devotion, he will see to it that he will care for you, that he will provide for you, and that he will keep you.

So two options.

But let's remember that our status can, and very often will, change.

If you are single today, maybe, you will be married next to you.

If you are married today, maybe, you will be single next year.

None of us knows what the year lies ahead.

But whatever our status is, God's gift is always right and always good, and we should celebrate it, and we should live wholeheartedly within that status,

until time changes us, or until God should choose something different.

Verse 38.

So then, he who's married the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does even better, simply because they can give their life wholeheartedly to the Lord.

But I want to finish with this, and that is family support.

The church is described as a family.

We talked about marriage last week, singleness, simply.

It's a family.

Where everybody's status is different.

Some people are married within the church family, some are unmarried.

Some have children, some can't have children, some would love to have children, and that's going to be hard.

Some may have children.

Some may have a Christian spouse, some might not.

Some are single by choice, others are single because it just doesn't happen.

Some may be separated, some their spouse may be done.

They can't do things.

But if they need to be taken care of them, they're in a church family.

They can't do things.

The point is that within the church family we're all at different stages and we all need to take responsibility to care, support, and love each other.

And so I want to throw this out to the married people, to the families who are here.

It's going to be great to go home today, isn't it? To your house, have a nice lunch together.

Why want to include others into your family life? Invite people for meals?

What about holidays? What about trip-bites?

Families, extend your boundaries and support those who are not nice.

Now I'm not saying this because it doesn't happen within the life of this church. It does happen.

So I just want to encourage them to keep on doing it and to do so more and more.

Single people, as we said, are under huge pressure in this life.

So they need a place to develop good, healthy and pure relationships within the context of a church family.

Where people are caring for and looking after.

So if you're single, it's God's gift. Will it last forever? I don't know.

But if you are single, give your life in service to God and live your life with sexual purity.

And church family, support one another every day. Let's pray.

Amen.

Our Father God, we thank you so much for your word to us.

We thank you for the greatest gift of all that we belong to you.

And that you love us and care for us and provide for us.

Thank you for the greatest gift of all that we are in the world.

Thank you for the greatest gift of all that we are in the world.

Thank you that one day we are going to be in the new creation where we will have that eternal marriage.

We will be with Christ forever and forever.

Help us to keep our focus on what is good and right and pure.

We pray for every single person represented here.

That you would protect them in their lives, keep them pure.

Help them to conduct their relationships wisely.

Help them to live rightly.

For those who are considering marriage, give them your wisdom.

Provide the right spot that they may serve the Lord with undivided devotion.

We pray that you will watch over each and every one of us.

That we may care of you.

To watch.

In the name of Jesus.

Amen.

Well, I do encourage you to talk through any of the questions and the questions afterwards.

So we can do that over here.

We're going to sing one last song.

Thank you.

Thank you.