Learning to Lead: Leading in the Home

Well, we've been looking at a series, Learning to Lead. We've looked at leading within the

church, leading within marriage, and this morning we're looking at leaders in the home

in particular, how that is for parents and their children. But before we do, let's pray.

Father, thank you so much for the gift of children. We thank you for all that they bring to us

as families and all that they give to us every day, the joy, the happiness. And we also recognise

that raising children is not easy, it is hard, and therefore we need your wisdom and your help,

and above all, the work of your Spirit in our lives to be the kind of parents that you call us to be.

So please help us to learn from this, and to understand what it is to be good parents for our children.

In Jesus' name. Amen.

Now before we actually start, I should say that while this is directed at parents, those who have

children, or those who are thinking of having children, I think it does apply to us all because

we all have a responsibility towards the children within the family of the church. And I think what

we look at here, there are principles here that apply to those who are teaching or helping at

Sunday school, or those who are involved in creche, or are crusaders, and so on. So I hope that

whatever stage of life we are at, that we can draw something from this. But nonetheless,

this is directed primarily towards those who are parents. So, gift or curse? The chairman of the

association of non-parents, that's a group that are deliberately against having children, and yes,

such a group does exist. This is what the chairman says.

I have never wanted to be a parent. I have never wanted that sort of responsibility.

It is the fact that child-rearing goes on every day for so long. I just do not want to devote myself,

in this way, to children. What do you think of that? Well, many couples agree. They have a lifestyle

to enjoy, and careers to pursue, and having children just gets in the way. It's reflected throughout our

society. Married people are having less children than before, simply because they take up too much time,

and too much money. Those who do have children seem to have them later in life, after they've finished

exploring life. Abortion is also an increasing option, as children, they say, interfere with,

and complicates, an adult's life. So, to many, children are nothing more than a curse.

But the Bible has a much more positive view on our children. Rather than a curse, children,

all children, are a gift to be celebrated. Listen to this from Psalm 127, verse 3. It says,

Psalms 127:3

Sons and daughters are a heritage from the Lord. Children are a reward from Him. Or in Proverbs 17, 6,

children's children are a crown to the aged. Grandchildren are wonderful.

So, children are a wonderful gift from God, and have a special place in the purposes of God. They are a

blessing and a reward, a joy and a treasure. So, rather than think our thoughts about children,

children, we need to be people who think God's thoughts about children. We need to see that

leading in our home, that's parenting, is not a chore to endure, but a privilege to enjoy.

And we're going to look at three areas that Christian parents are to lead in their homes and families.

First, we are to lead children to Christ. That's the primary role, responsibility of parents,

to lead their children to Christ. So, look, Ephesians chapter 6, verse 1.

Ephesians 6:1

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. And what are they to obey? Well, look at verse 4.

For fathers, do not exasperate your children. Instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

So, children are to obey their parents in all things. Parents don't obey the children. Children,

obey your parents in all things. In particular, they are to obey the teaching, that's the spiritual

formation that the parents bring and give to their children. So, what does that look like? Well,

negatively, verse 4 again, fathers, do not exasperate your children. Don't make them angry.

Or as my wife often says to me, Johnny, will you stop annoying your children? Leave them alone.

Do not be making harsh demands on them. Do this. Do that. Don't abuse your authority. They're not your slaves.

Do not be unfair, constantly nagging, putting them down and comparing. I wish you weren't like this. I wish you were like them.

Do not believe. Instead, look at verse 4. Bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Make sure your child learns about Jesus from you.

Paul has already given an example of this back in chapter 4.

Here he is reminding the church of how they had become followers of Jesus. Look at chapter 4, verse 21.

He reminds them, surely you heard of him, you heard of Jesus, and you were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus.

He says,

You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which had been corrupted by its deceitful desires,

to be made new in the attitude of your minds, and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

You are to teach them Christ just as you were taught about Christ. Somebody, your parents or someone, taught you Christ and encouraged you in Christ.

They helped you grow in Christ. So we are not to put on demand and say, do this, do that and do the other. That's legalism.

We are to bring them. We are to bring them up in Christ and to show them what it is to take off and to put on what it is to grow in Christ every day.

Now, before we move on, did you notice the specific commands?

Now, this, it seems, is part of God's good order and design for his people. It starts back in chapter 5, verse 21, where it says,

Submit to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. So God has this order, this design for life, for family.

So husbands and wives are to submit to God. Wives are to submit to husbands. Children are to submit to their parents.

Submission to God's order for family life.

And God, within that order, has called fathers to be the primary teacher of the children, to be responsible for the spiritual input into their little lives.

As we saw the other week, fathers and men in general have a habit of abdicating our authority.

Well, God has given us children. He has entrusted us with children to teach them about Christ.

That is our role and responsibility.

We're not to assume that mum's going to do it, or that the church will do it, or somebody in Sunday school's going to do it.

Fathers, you, I, we are to do it.

And as fathers, we love to see our children learn new skills.

We get excited when they take their first step.

When they get out a toy drill and hammer and start trying to fix something.

Or when they draw something and create something wonderful.

In fact, we spend time teaching them these things.

That's all good and crucial to their development.

But it must never, never take the place of opening up the Bible with your son and daughter,

sitting down with them and teaching them about Jesus.

It doesn't get any better than that.

The question is not, did you teach your son how to kick a football?

Or did you teach your daughter how to work the computer?

But did you bring your children up in the training and instruction of the Lord?

Will you be remembered as parents?

Will you be remembered as a father who brought your child up in the way of God?

Not, are they Christians?

Because that's God's job and we can never make our children Christians.

But did you teach them?

And did you pray for them?

Well, that's the fathers.

What about the mothers?

What do they do?

Well, mothers play a crucial part in this too.

In Genesis chapter 2 verse 20, right at the beginning,

Genesis 2:20

we are told that God made, and here's the word, a suitable helper for Adam.

And that helper we know was Eve, Adam's wife.

And when we think helper, we don't mean a go-for, we are to think partnership.

Tim Keller in his book The Meaning of Marriage puts it like this.

To help someone is to make up what is lacking in them with your strength.

To help someone does not imply the helper is stronger or the helped is weaker,

simply that the husband's strength is inadequate by itself.

Now, I think that helps understand what this role is for a mother to help the father.

So, mothers who are here, the father of your children needs your support and help.

This is not a task that they can do on their own.

Yes, they are to be primarily responsible for all of this,

but they are inadequate.

They are lacking in strength.

So, God has called you, the mum, the wife, not anybody else,

to support your husband in their role.

So, motherhood is not a second-rate role.

Mothers are not second-class citizens,

as if leaving their career and becoming a mother is kind of taking a lower position.

It isn't.

It is a high calling.

It is a great calling.

It is a wonderful gift from God.

It is to be protected, to be valued, and it is to be treasured.

So, mums, encourage your husbands as they lead their children to Christ.

So, first, we are to lead children to Christ.

Second, we are to lead children on mission.

Look back to Genesis chapter 1 a minute.

Genesis 1 · chapter mention

Genesis chapter 1 and verse 26.

Genesis 1 · chapter mention

Let's read verse 26.

Then God said,

Let us make man in our image, in our likeness,

and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air,

over the livestock, over all the earth,

and over all the creatures that move along the ground.

So God created man in his own image.

In the image of God he created them, male and female he created them.

And God blessed them and said to them,

Be fruitful and increase in number.

Fill the earth and subdue it.

Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air,

and over every living creature that moves on the ground.

Here we have the first command of the Bible,

which is given to the first husband and wife.

And here it is, to rule over the earth.

And the way to rule over the earth is to have children.

Look at verse 28.

God said to them,

Be fruitful and increase in number.

Fill the earth and subdue it.

Rule over it.

In other words,

children are an integral part of God's mission.

God's mission, his end goal, his plan,

where it's all heading towards,

is to have people from every nation

living under his rule and authority.

Ultimately, that is living under Jesus,

who is God's promised king.

This is what is best for us,

for you, for me,

and what is best for our world.

Now, our job as parents

is to lead children on this mission.

We are to raise our children

to live under the rule of Jesus

so that they grow up themselves,

they have families,

so that they also live under the rule of Jesus.

Look at Psalm 78.

Psalm 78.

Pick it up in verse 3.

What we have heard and known,

what our fathers have told us.

We will not hide them from their children.

We will tell the next generation

the praiseworthy deeds of the Lord,

his power,

and the wonders he has done.

Verse 6.

You see,

children are to be raised up,

to be taught about Christ,

who in turn tell their children about Christ

and tell those who are yet to be born about Christ.

This is all part of God's mission.

Christopher Ash in his book

Married for God says this,

The Creator entrusts to married couples

the awesome privilege and responsibility

of procreating potential disciples

to join his team.

We are to work,

teach,

discipline,

and pray that they will grow

into disciples

who learn to love God

and care for his world.

Of course, as parents,

we all have different plans

and dreams for our children,

not least a good education

and a great career.

In fact, parents make great sacrifices.

They spend a lot of money

to ensure their children

are given the best opportunity

in life to succeed.

But parents,

never let career and education

be the driving motivation

in your child's life.

Instead, let the grand mission of God

shape, mould, and drive

your child's future.

Don't limit the vision of your child

to a philosophy of,

well, son,

just work hard,

get a job,

find a wife,

get a mortgage,

and settle down.

Give them a vision of God's mission.

That Jesus Christ

has reconciled

all things to himself

through the cross,

and that one day

Jesus Christ

is going to come again,

and he's going to renew

and restore this broken

and suffering world,

and one day

every human being

is going to bow

before his rule.

That is the mission.

That is the vision.

That is what we are to be

raising our children up to

and being involved in.

So whatever your job,

or whatever job or career

your child should choose,

pray that they will do it

motivated by God's mission.

That they will live and work

under God's rule.

That they would use their gifts

and their resources

to see that the mission of God

is worked out

in their workplaces

and within their homes.

Pray that your child

would even take their career

and their work

and go amongst a people

who do not yet know Christ.

Pray that your child

would be willing to go

and risk their life,

even that they would

be willing to lay down

their life for Christ

in a place that is hostile

to the mission of God.

Will you dare to do that

for your children?

If God has given you children,

he has given you

the awesome privilege

and responsibility

of leading your family

on mission.

So first,

we are to lead

our children to Christ.

Second,

we are to lead children

on mission.

And third,

we are to lead children

with grace.

Yes,

children need grace.

parents.

But I want to apply this

particularly to parents.

Parents,

we need lots of grace.

I watched a documentary

recently about an Olympian.

For 12 years,

she was at the top

of her game,

finishing in the medals

year after year,

training six days a week,

running,

going to the weights gym,

working on the technique.

every aspect of her sport

was strengthened

and paid attention to.

Now she's retired

and she recently

had a baby.

And on reflection,

she said this

as she was sitting

on the floor

surrounded by toys

and a little toddler

sitting on her knee.

And this is what she said.

Being an Olympian

is much easier

than being a mum.

So all the mums out there,

you are an Olympian.

You deserve

a gold medal.

In fact,

what I want

all the dads to do

is to go home

and to build

one of these little boxes

with one,

two and three on it.

A little podium.

I want you to put it outside

and every evening

mums,

you're to go outside

and you're to stand

in number one position.

And one by one

your children

are going to walk by

and hang gold medals

around your neck

because you are an Olympian

and you deserve it.

Being a mum,

being a parent,

is hard work

physically,

emotionally

and spiritually.

And because it's so hard,

we often feel

a failure,

don't we?

We feel like

we're coming last

in the race,

crawling over the line

rather than finishing first

and doing a lap of honour.

Maybe it's because

your child

is not interested

in Christ

or has turned away

from Christ

and you feel

a failure.

Perhaps you're struggling

with the changing

demands of your child

and what they want

and what they need

and you just feel

too weak.

Perhaps you can't

even manage

your own self,

never mind the needs

and the demands

of your children

and you feel

inadequate.

That's why

we need to rest

in the abundant,

overflowing

grace

of God.

Now there's no

particular passages

or verses

that are speaking

directly to parents

in this

but I think

there are principles

that we can draw

out from Scripture

for parents

in regards

to

the need

for God's grace

in parenting.

So three things.

First,

grace

for our failures.

Romans chapter 5.

Romans 5 · chapter mention

Grace

for our failures.

Go to Romans chapter 5.

Romans 5 · chapter mention

As parents

we often fail.

We say

the wrong things

and we do

the wrong things.

And hardly

a day goes past

and we get

to the end

and we think

I wish

we could start

the day

again.

I wish

I hadn't said

I wish

I hadn't

done it

that way.

You see

it's hard work

isn't it?

There are no

practice runs

and as a result

we mess up

big time.

But the good

news is

no matter

how great

our failures

God's grace

is greater.

Look at

Romans 5

Romans 5:17

verse 17.

Here it's

talking about

the consequences

the knock

on effects

of our sin.

It says

verse 17

for if

by the

trespass

of the

one man

death

reign

through

that

one

man

how much

more

will those

who receive

God's

abundant

provision

of grace

and of the

gift of

righteousness

reign in life

through that

one man

Jesus Christ.

In other words

he's saying

look

if your

failures

are great.

How much

more

greater

is God's

grace

to you?

If our

failures

make a

mess

how much

more

does God's

grace

redeem

and restore

that mess

and all

that failure

and turn

it into

something

beautiful.

The chapter

5 verse

20

the second

part

but where

sin

increased

grace

increased

all

the more.

We can

put our

hands up

and admit

that we

fail.

There's

nothing wrong

with saying

that we

fail

because it's

only as we

admit

our failures

that we

can receive

the abundant

grace

of God

to redeem

and restore

our mess

and turn

it into

something

beautiful.

As parents

we're not

to keep

a record

of the

past.

We're not

to wake

up each

day and

think I

wish I

could start

again or

I wish I

should have

done this

or I

could have

done that.

God's

grace

covers the

past.

He gives

us grace

for today

and his

grace

is going

to take

care of

the future.

So first

grace for

our failures.

Second

grace in

our weaknesses.

Look at

2 Corinthians

2 Corinthians 12 · chapter mention

chapter 12.

2 Corinthians

2 Corinthians 12 · chapter mention

chapter 12.

As parents

we often

feel very

weak.

The demands

and pressures

of babies

and teenagers

is draining.

Parents,

listen to this.

You are

full-time

carers

and

counsellors.

You're

relationship

advisors

and law

enforcers.

You're

a taxi

driver,

a lending

agency,

you're

peacemakers

and a

party

organiser.

You're

a personal

assistant,

a guidance

counsellor,

you're a

doctor,

you're a

nurse,

the list

goes on

and on.

You're

qualified for

all of

these

tasks.

And you

love to

do it.

You love

to play

that role.

Why?

Because

these are

your

children.

You love

them.

You want

to give

to them.

them.

But as

parents,

there are

times we

just feel

inadequate

and unable.

The task

is just

too big

and we're

too weak

and it

all becomes

overwhelming

and we

just sit

down

and cry.

But

parenting

is not

something to

do in our

own strength.

Yes,

if God

has blessed

the family

home in

such a

way that

there's a

mother and

a father,

there is

that support.

But we

don't rely

upon each

other.

We rely

upon the

grace of

God.

Look at

2 Corinthians

2 Corinthians 12:9

12,

verse 9.

This is

talking here

about Paul's

pressures,

the demands

upon him,

his sense

of feeling

weak,

and God's

grace to

strengthen

him.

Verse 9,

God said

to me,

my grace

is sufficient

for you.

My power

is made

perfect

in weakness.

Therefore,

I will boast

all the more

gladly about

my weaknesses,

so that

Christ's power

may rest

on me.

That is

why,

for Christ's

sake,

I delight

in weaknesses,

in insults,

in hardships,

in persecutions,

in difficulties,

for when

I am weak,

then I am

strong.

Did you catch

it?

My grace

is sufficient

for you.

Rather than

battle on

on our

own,

we are to

throw ourselves

in our

dependence

on God,

in our

complete

weakness,

throw ourselves

on God's

grace,

who strengthens

us,

and equips

us,

and will

enable us

for the

task of

parenting.

My grace

is sufficient

for you.

My power

is made

perfect

in your

weakness.

So,

grace for

our

failures,

grace

in our

weakness.

And then

the last

one is

grace

to our

children.

You see,

when we

draw on

God's

grace

in our

failures

and in

our

weaknesses,

we are

in a

position to

give

God's

grace to

our

children.

It's

only when

we are

filled with

God's

grace,

that we

in turn

are able

to give

God's

grace.

Look at

2 Corinthians

9,

back a

couple of

pages,

2 Corinthians

2 Corinthians 9:8

9,

verse 8.

The context

here is

about

financial

giving.

As God

has given

us so

much and

blessed us

so much

by his

grace,

so we

are people

who are

to overflow

of giving

to those

around us.

But listen

to this,

chapter 2

2 Corinthians 9:8

Corinthians 9,

verse 8.

And God

is able

to make

all grace

abound to

you,

so that

in all

things,

at all

times,

having all

that you

need,

you will

abound

in every

good

work.

do you

see the

promise

here from

God?

That we

will have

all the

grace that

we need

to parent

our children.

Every

circumstance,

every day,

every incident,

every demand,

every pressure,

whatever stage

of life our

children are

at,

whatever,

anything that

happens in

their life.

God is

able to

make all

grace

abound to

you,

in all

things,

at all

times,

having all

that you

need.

God

pours his

grace

into

our lives,

so that

we, in

turn, can

fill our

children's

lives with

the grace

of Jesus

Christ.

We need

to

swim,

we need

to jump

in,

into the

overwhelming

abundance

of God's

grace.

Every

day,

in our

failures,

and in

our

weaknesses,

to draw

upon it,

to drink

it in,

so that

we can

give

his grace

to our

children.

The

grace to

lead them

to Christ,

and the

grace to

lead them

on mission.

Let's

pray.

Our

Father God,

we

recognise

that the

gift of

children

is an

amazing

privilege.

It's a

wonderful

joy,

but we

also

recognise

that there

is a

great

responsibility.

The

task

is

huge.

We

feel

weak,

we

feel

inadequate,

we

so

often

fail,

but yet

we

come

again

to

receive

afresh

your

amazing

grace.

And I

pray for

each

parent

here,

that you

would fill

them with

your grace,

that you

would remind

them that

their past

is forgiven,

and that

you will

take care

of the

future,

that you

will equip

every home

with all

that they

need to

raise their

children to

follow you.

And we

pray for

every child

represented

here, for

children who

are yet to

be born

within the

family of

this church,

that they

will learn

about

Christ.

And we

ask you,

Father, in

your mercy

and in

your grace,

that they

will follow

you, and

that they

will love

you.

And we

pray that

every child

will grow

up, and

in God's

goodness that

they too

would have

families that

will walk in

the mission

of God.

We pray

that children

here will

be those

who go with

their careers

and their

work to

places and

to people

who do

not yet

know

Christ,

whether

that's

locally or

whether that's

far away.

But we

pray that

you would

use us

as families,

and we

pray your

blessing upon

parents.

we thank

you for

your grace.

In

Jesus' name

we all

pray.

Amen.