God’s good design for life - God’s design for marriage

One other thing I might say at this point as well, that in a talk like this, we're not going to be able to cover everything.

And it would be good just to have an open time and for people to throw back questions.

If you do have questions afterwards, please talk to me.

But what we're going to be doing is over the next few weeks on our Wednesday, on our Gospel Community, our home group nights,

we're going to have opportunity to think this through a bit more.

So if you have questions and you want to think through it more, then come along on a Wednesday night

and we'll be asking more about it and your opportunities to discuss and question.

So, what is your position or your opinion on the proposed same-sex referendum?

At the end of last year, our coalition government announced that they were going to hold a referendum to redefine marriage,

which will include same-sex couples.

Listen to the views of our Tornister, Eamon Gilmour.

This is what he says.

I believe that in certain key areas, our laws are out of step with public opinion.

I don't believe, for example, that it should ever be the role of the state to pass judgment

on whom a person falls in love with or whom they want to spend their life with.

The right of gay couples to marry is, quite simply, the civil rights issue of this generation.

And, in my opinion, its time has come.

Very strong and persuasive words.

So, what will you say when somebody asks you for your views?

Yes, I think it's great.

Everybody should be allowed to marry.

It is a civil rights issue.

Or, will you say, no, I don't agree with it.

Marriage is just between a man and a woman.

It's a biblical issue.

Or, will you just try and avoid the question, keep your head down and stay quiet?

You see, I think that if you haven't yet been asked, you will be asked,

because this is a topic that is going to dominate much of our thinking in this coming year.

And it's important that we are all able to give a well-informed answer.

And, depending how you give that answer, it may mean your demotion at work or your promotion at work.

It may mean that you lose friends or it may mean you gain friends.

So, it is a critical issue and an important one that will affect all of us.

But, this debate about marriage is nothing new.

Jesus himself was confronted about his views on marriage.

So, look at Mark's Gospel, chapter 10, verse 2.

The reason we left this section out in our studies in Mark was because we wanted to look at it under this issue.

So, look at verse 2 of chapter 10.

Some Pharisees, the religious leaders, came and tested Jesus by asking,

Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?

So, there was an issue, a debate about marriage.

And, while the question here is about divorce,

Jesus' answer, I think, helps us to understand what God's design for marriage is

and why we should follow his design for our life.

So, it's not a new issue.

So, first of all, the definition of marriage.

Central to this debate is the whole issue of redefining what marriage is all about.

Listen to this again, and it's on the screen.

This comes from the Irish Council for Civil Liberties,

the group who have been charged with presenting a case for same-sex marriage.

They say this,

The ICCL believes that everyone is entitled to equal treatment under the law

and that no one should be discriminated against or denied access to services

on the basis of gender, sexual orientation, civil status or family status.

This includes equal access to the right to marry and found a family.

Denying same-sex couples the right to marry runs contrary to the spirit of equality

and non-discrimination protected by the Irish Constitution

and by international human rights treaties to which Ireland is a party.

Furthermore, the existing prohibition on marriage for same-sex couples

unfairly discriminates against the section of Irish society,

including the children in the families of same-sex couples

who are otherwise entitled to equal protection

before the law under the Irish Constitution.

Again, it's very strong and very clear as to how they wish to redefine things.

Now, while our Constitution doesn't actually define marriage,

it is defined in law as between a man and a woman.

So the proposal here is to change that.

Now, when Jesus in Mark 10 is asked his opinion in marriage,

he takes everybody back to God's design for marriage

and I think that's where we should go in our discussion.

It's not what I think or what you think,

but what does God think?

What's God's design?

So look at verse 3.

Jesus answers the question like this.

Well, what did Moses command you?

Well, they said,

Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.

Now, we'll come back to this in a minute because this is important.

But notice where Jesus ends up.

Look where he starts his discussion.

Verse 6.

But at the beginning of creation.

So this is something foundational.

He takes them right back to the very beginning.

But at the beginning of creation,

God made them male and female.

For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother

and be united to his wife,

and the two will become one flesh,

so they are no longer two but one.

Now, that wasn't Jesus just making up something.

This is a direct quote.

And keep your finger in Mark 10 and go back to Genesis chapter 1.

Genesis 1 · chapter mention

This is a direct quote from Genesis.

So this is God's order, God's design from the very beginning.

In fact, it's the earliest text in all literature

that actually defines or says something about marriage.

So, chapter 1, verse 26.

Then God said,

Let us make man in our image, in our likeness,

and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air

and over the livestock, over all the earth,

and over all the creatures that move along the ground.

So God created man in his own image.

In the image of God,

He created him.

Male and female,

He created them.

Now look at chapter 2, verse 24.

This is where the male and the female come together.

So chapter 2, verse 24,

and it reads,

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother

and be united to his wife,

and they will become one flesh.

The man and his wife were both naked

and they felt no shame.

Now that's important, verse 25.

They felt no shame.

This was part of God's order,

part of His design,

and being together was good and right and beautiful.

So, back to Mark 10.

You see, this is not an invention of man.

This is a gift from God to His creation.

So when the Irish Council of Civil Liberties,

when they say they want to redefine marriage,

they're not actually changing Irish law.

They are interfering with God's design

and order for creation.

So again, it's not about what you or I think.

It's not about what the Irish law says.

But it's what God's design and order says.

Now I think that's very interesting

because even the ICCL

actually have limits on their definition.

Even they have some kind of standard

by which marriage should be contained.

So I ask the question,

why does their definition

not include, say, something like polygamy?

Why not have multiple wives and husbands?

Who's to say we shouldn't?

Or what about incest?

And by that I mean marriage

to someone within your own family.

So a brother marries a brother

or a sister marries a sister.

Why not?

Who's to say that's wrong?

Who's deciding where the barrier should be?

Or what about an age limit?

Why do we have an age limit?

Who decides that?

You see, even those who are wanting to say,

let's redefine it,

they themselves have limits

and they see that there actually are

good limits and standards.

But again, I want us to come back and say,

it's not us who decide where those boundaries are.

It is God who has defined marriage

and it is for our good.

So that's the first thing.

The second is the disorder of marriage.

You see, the discussion between Jesus

and the religious leaders in Mark

is really about submission to God's design.

That's the key issue here.

It's about submission to God's design.

And that includes you and I

in every area of life,

not just marriage.

So let's look at the issue again in verse 2.

The question has come to Jesus.

Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?

Well, what did Moses command you?

He replied.

Well, they said,

Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce

and send her away.

Now, it's important we've got to get the context here

and what's happening.

You see, society had become very patriarchal.

It had become male-dominated.

And it was all about husbands' rights.

And it was little to do with the protection

and the care of wives,

which was at the very heart of God's design.

The protection and care of wives

was central to God's design.

So husbands who had got fed up with their wives

and they wanted to move in with somebody else down the road,

well, they could leave them on the basis of,

well, anything that they wanted to.

They could say something like,

well, you failed to live as a good wife in the house

and to fulfil all your duties.

You didn't please me as a wife.

And on those basis,

they could just dismiss their wife,

go move in with somebody else,

and the wife would be left to no rights at all.

You see, marriage had become twisted.

The husband was abusing his role

and his wife had no rights.

So to protect his wife,

who was being neglected and abandoned,

verse 4,

Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce

and send her away.

But, verse 5,

it was because your hearts were hard

that Moses wrote you this law.

You see, a law had to be introduced.

Why?

To protect the woman or wife

from the sinful behaviour of the man or husband.

Moses' law wasn't to say,

oh, you know what, men, you can do and live however you please.

No, it was all about caring for

and protecting from

those who were abusing marriage.

So the real issue

is they didn't like God's design for marriage.

They wanted to live as they pleased.

They wanted an opt-out clause

and live and change their partner

if they wanted to.

And if they got fed up with their wife,

they wanted any reason to leave.

Now, when Jesus is addressing this issue,

he doesn't redefine marriage.

He takes them back to God's good design.

So look at verse 7.

For this reason,

a man will leave his father and mother

and be united to his wife.

The implication there is

is that husbands now have a responsibility.

They've left their mother and father.

He's left their care.

And now he is given the responsibility

to care for his wife,

to protect his wife,

to provide for his wife,

to serve his wife,

to love her

in that relationship.

But let's not lose sight

of why they were wanting to change

God's design for marriage.

It's in verse 5.

It was because your hearts

were hard.

In other words,

they didn't like God's design.

They wanted to create

their own design.

Now, when I think about that,

I don't think any of us

are any different.

Because all of us

rebel against God's design for life.

We're not different.

None of us like our Creator

telling us how we should live our life.

That's the history of the world.

That's what happened

to the first married couple,

Adam and Eve.

Read on in Genesis.

As soon as they're married,

they begin to go against God's design.

And havoc is wrecked.

So let's ask ourselves a few questions.

Husbands,

and that includes myself,

do we love,

do we care and protect our wives

as we should?

Have you ever sulked

and got annoyed

because your wife said,

no, not tonight?

Have you ever planned your day off

so that you do things

that you want to do

without first taking into consideration

the needs of your wife

or your children?

Have we ever looked

at another woman lustfully?

I know I have

and a lot more.

I fail to live up

to God's good design.

What about wives?

Do you encourage

and support your husbands

as you should?

Have you ever soaked

and nagged

until you get your own way?

Or have you ever read

a nice romantic novel

and then imagined yourself

in the arms

of the hero and lover?

You see,

none of us live up

to God's good design.

Maybe you're not married.

Maybe you're single.

Do you live up

to God's good design?

Completely pure

in your thoughts

and your attitudes?

You see,

the big point is this.

Whether we support

same-sex marriage

or whether we don't,

all of us rebel

against God's design

in some way.

Every one of us.

We don't want,

we want to live life

my way.

We want to define life

so that it suits me

and it fulfills

my needs

and my desires.

Look at verse 5 again.

It was because

your hearts

were hard

that Moses

had to write

this law.

it is because

our hearts

are hard

that we want

same-sex marriage.

It's because

our hearts

are hard

that we get

annoyed

with our wives.

It's because

our hearts

are hard

that we

nag

our husbands.

So just as

Aemon Gilmore

needs to repent,

repent,

so I

also need

to repent.

We all need

to come back

to God's

good

and perfect

design.

Which brings us

to God's

design for marriage.

Let's look at this

carefully.

God's design

for marriage

is for our good.

Firstly,

male and

female,

verse 6.

At the

beginning of

creation,

God made

them male

and female.

It's clear,

it's obvious.

That's how

God made us.

And these

two sexes

form the

basis and

the foundation

of a married

life.

The man

wasn't given

a mirror image

of himself.

Instead,

he was given

the opposite.

He was given

a woman.

This is the

way God

planned it.

And let's

remember that

within marriage

there is

firstly

equality.

We're all

equal in

God's sight.

Men

are not

greater than

women.

And women

are not

better than

men.

There is no

inferiority,

there is no

superiority.

We are

equally loved

and treasured

by God,

equal in

value,

equal in

position before

God,

equal in

worth.

However,

within that

equality,

there is

complementarity.

Men and

women,

in case you

didn't notice,

are different.

Physically,

we are

different.

Sexually,

we are

different.

But the

thing about

that difference

is,

we complement

each other.

And for

good reason.

children.

Because

central to

God's

design for

marriage is

children.

Having

made male

and female,

God says in

Genesis chapter

Genesis 1:28

1 verse 28,

this is the

first command

that God

gives to

people.

He says to

the man and

the woman,

God blessed

them and

said to

them,

be fruitful

and increase

in number.

God bless

him and

God bless

him and

God bless

him and

have sex.

Go make

babies.

And the

only way to

have children

is by one

man and

one woman

coming together.

Physically and

sexually we

fit together.

One was made

with a penis,

the other was

made with a

vagina.

It's not just

a biblical

fact,

this is a

biological fact.

Nature tells

us what the

right design is

for life.

We don't

need to

interfere with

it.

Two men

and two women

can't produce

a child.

So physically

and sexually

God made

us distinct.

He made

us different.

But through

marriage we

complement

each other.

This is part

of God's

good and

beautiful design

for us.

God's

design is so

crystal clear.

The man

leaves his

father, a

male, and

mother, a

female, and

is married or

joined to his

wife.

He enters

into a

covenant

relationship, a

bond that

unites them

together.

And this

leads to,

firstly, unity.

Look at the

end of verse

eight.

they become

one flesh, so

they are no

longer two, but

one.

No longer

two, but

one.

It's no longer

about two

individuals trying

to get what they

want from the

other person.

That's how many

people exist within

marriage.

It's what I want

and what I need.

It's not about

me or I, but

now it becomes

we and

us.

We are joined

together in a

mutual service of

one another,

supporting one

another, caring

for one another,

fulfilling one

another.

And when that

unity is broken

by adding in

somebody else into

that relationship,

either through

adultery or

through pornography,

it becomes

destructive and

divisive.

To add in

another person

ruins the

marriage.

This is to be

an exclusive,

special relationship

between one man

and one woman.

And this is God's

lifelong plan for

us.

Verse 9.

Therefore,

what God has

joined together,

let man not

separate.

You see, even in

the design of us

coming together,

I say, well, I

chose Kirstie,

Kirstie chose me.

In a sense,

that's true.

But I also

believe, verse 9,

what God has

joined together.

This is something

that God works

in our lives.

So there is a

deep unity.

And there is also

intimacy.

Again, look at

verse 8.

It says,

the two will

become one

flesh.

You see,

sex is not

just about

making babies.

it's intended

by God

for intimacy.

The coming

together

as one

flesh

is God's

way to

develop and

to grow

the marriage

relationship.

In marriage,

we are to

give our lives

to each other,

including

our physical

bodies.

Not just for

individual pleasure,

not just to

get out of it

what I can get

for myself

and to

please me.

It's about

mutual pleasure

of service

towards the

other person.

Now, people

will often

say,

you know,

the Bible

is against

sex.

You're not

allowed to

have sex

if you're

a Christian.

God doesn't

allow it.

Well,

that's not

true.

Read your

Bible.

Read the

Song of Songs

tonight,

men and

women,

husbands and

wives.

You see,

the problem

only comes

when we

take sex

outside of

God's design

for marriage.

When we

do that,

then it

leads to

emptiness

and brokenness

because what

sex does

is it binds

people together.

So to

have multiple

or other

sexual

relationships

means that

you are

actually binding

yourself,

you're gluing

yourself to

another person

and you

can't break

apart,

you can't

walk away

from that

without some

part being

broken,

emotionally,

psychologically,

physically.

You can

read the

reports

yourself,

it's all

there.

The facts

say that

it damages.

Of course,

God's grace

is great

enough to

heal and

to restore,

but the

point is

that to

live outside

of God's

design is

not good

for us.

So if

you are in

a marriage,

it's about

unity,

intimacy,

intimacy,

and if

you are

struggling

within your

marriage

sexually,

then I

encourage you

to talk

to someone.

You can

talk to me

if you're

a man,

you can

talk to

my wife,

Kirsty,

and ask

what is

God's

design for

us,

because it

is a

vital part

of our

relationship

together.

The last

part is

this,

a divine

marriage,

and perhaps

this is the

most important

of all.

God's design

for marriage

is clear,

we've seen

that,

but let's

not lose

sight of

the ultimate

purpose of

what marriage

is to point

to and to

direct people

to.

The marriage

between a

man and a

woman illustrates

and pictures

God's marriage

towards us.

And for

this I want

us to go

to Ezekiel,

which is,

where is

it?

Isaiah,

Jeremiah,

Lamentations,

Ezekiel.

So it's

kind of in

the Bible,

if somebody's

got a page

number there,

could they,

chapter 16,

sorry,

chapter 16,

842,

842,

842,

and we're

going to

finish with

this,

842,

Ezekiel,

Ezekiel 16 · chapter mention

chapter 16,

page 842.

Now what we

have here is

a picture,

it's imagery,

to show God's

pursuit,

God's loving

pursuit,

it's describing

almost how the

man pursues

his woman

to marry her.

And so this is

showing how God

pursues us,

his desire for us,

his love for us,

so that he might

rescue us and

bring us into

the ultimate

relationship ever,

a relationship with

him,

where we find

ultimate satisfaction

and joy in

every area of

life.

So as I read

this through,

just go with

the picture,

don't try and

sort out all the

different images,

but just go with

the picture and

see it as an

illustration of

God's marriage

towards us.

We're going to

pick it up in

verse 4 and

read through to

verse 14.

Here we go,

chapter 16,

verse 4.

So on the day

you were born,

your cord was

not cut,

nor were you

washed with

water to make

you clean,

nor were you

rubbed with

salt or wrapped

in clothes.

No one looked

on you with

pity or had

compassion enough

to do any of

these things for

you.

Rather you were

thrown out into

the open field,

for on that day

you were born

you were despised.

Then I passed

by and saw you

kicking about in

your blood,

and as you lay

there in your

blood I said

to you,

live.

I made you

grow like a

plant of the

field.

You grew up

and developed

and became

the most

beautiful of

jewels.

Your breasts

were formed

and your hair

grew,

you who were

naked and

bare.

Later I

passed by

and when I

looked at you

and saw that

you were old

enough for love,

I spread the

corner of my

garment over you

and covered your

nakedness.

I gave you my

solemn oath and

entered into a

covenant with you,

declares the

sovereign Lord,

and you became

mine.

I bathed you

with water and

washed the blood

from you and

put ointments on

you.

I clothed you

with an embroidered

dress and put

leather sandals on

you.

I dressed you in

fine linen and

covered you with

costly garments.

I adorned you

with jewellery.

I put bracelets on

your arms and a

necklace round your

neck and I put a

ring in your nose,

earrings on your

ears and beautiful

crown on your

head.

So you were

adorned with

gold and silver.

Your clothes were

of fine linen and

costly fabric and

embroidered cloth.

Your food was

fine flour, honey and

olive oil.

You became very

beautiful and rose to

be a queen.

And your fame spread

among the nations on

account of your

beauty because the

splendour I had

given you made your

beauty perfect,

declares the

sovereign Lord.

It's wonderful

poetry.

It's a picture,

it's an image of

God's pursuit of

his people.

And the Lord Jesus

has made that a

reality for us.

He has come to us

in our sin, in all

of our mess, in all

of our failure.

When we were

unlovable, he was

the one who loved

us.

He gave us not

just jewels and

fine clothes, but

he gave us his

life for us so

that we might

become beautiful

in his eyes.

He was the one

who took our

impurity from us.

He took all of

our sin and all

of our mess and

he took it all on

himself and he

suffered in our

place.

He died for us

and in exchange of

our impurity, he

gives us his

purity so that we

might become

beautiful, treasured,

cared for, welcomed,

brought in to that

most beautiful of

relationships with

him.

That is the most

perfect marriage, God

to his people, and

that is for all of

us.

He will never leave

us, he will never

forsake us, he will

never divorce us, he

will never drift and

give his love to

another.

His love is perfect,

perfect, it is intent,

it is true.

This is the divine

marriage, this is what

he calls us all to

live in and it is

only when we live

within that marriage

and in within his

design, life will be

good.

This is the true

marriage that we all

need.

Let's pray.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Our Father God, we

thank you for your

word, we thank you

for how clear it is,

but yet each one of

us find that we

struggle to live

under your design.

We confess and we

repent that all of

us have rebelled

against your design

in life in some

way or another.

And therefore we

need your grace.

We need your

healing.

We need your

love.

So please forgive

us and please

bring us to be

people who live

under your design.

I pray for every

marriage that is

represented here,

that you would

protect it, that

you would grow

their love for one

another, that you

would create unity

intimacy and

intimacy, that you

would bless them,

that you would bless

every family that is

represented here.

And I pray for every

single person here, that

you would help them to

live lives that are

pure and right.

And we pray that they

would live a life that

reflects your goodness,

and that for all of us,

in whatever circumstance

of life we may find

ourselves, that we

would find our

ultimate relationship

in Christ.

The one who gave his

life for us.

The one who is our

everything.

The one who gives us

joy, peace and

fulfillment in ways

that nothing else

ever can.

We thank you for what

you have done.

and please help us

to talk about this

issue to others,

graciously and in

love, without

superiority, but

submitting to your

good design.

We pray this in

Jesus' name.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.