God’s Good Design for Life: God’s Good Design for Family

Beginning at verse 25, and that's on page 1176 of the Red Church Bibles.

Ephesians chapter 4, beginning at verse 25.

Ephesians 4 · chapter mention

Okay, Ephesians chapter 4, beginning at verse 25, page 1176.

Ephesians 4 · chapter mention

Therefore, each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body.

In your anger do not sin, do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.

He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.

Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children.

And carrying on to chapter 6, beginning at verse 1.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.

Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment, with a promise,

that it may go well with you, and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.

Fathers, do not exasperate your children.

Instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

And it's really in response to and to help us think through some of the issues that will be facing us this coming year.

The government have already outlined that they would like to hold a referendum early next year

to redefine marriage, which will have an impact on family.

And to help us think through that, not only what we do this morning,

but on the news sheet at the very top of the page,

there's a link there just reminding you that if you go to the church website,

on the recent church blog, there is a list of talks, sermons, and websites

that will be helpful to you, generally around this whole theme.

So I encourage you to check that out for yourselves.

God's good design for marriage.

This morning we are looking at God's design for family.

So let's ask him for his help.

Read to us.

And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God,

with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.

Father, as we listen to your word,

so your spirit is active and at work.

And we do not want to grieve your spirit's work in our own lives.

But we humbly ask that the power of the Spirit would be at work within us individually,

as a mother,

or as a father,

or as a child,

or whatever circumstance we may find ourselves in,

that you would speak into our hearts,

changing us

and transforming us to be more like Christ,

and renewing us

and enabling us to see

your design

for our lives

and especially

for family.

We ask for your help

in Jesus' name.

Amen.

Well, when we were kids,

or when our kids were younger, rather,

we used to play a card game.

Some of you may know it.

It was called Happy Families.

The basic aim was for us to try and collect sets of families by name,

and the cards included a Mr. and a Mrs.,

a Miss and a Master.

And although it was called Happy Families,

it very rarely produced a happy family.

It usually turned into accusations of cheating,

and the other one hitting another,

just because they lost,

and that was only the parents,

while the kids got kicked off to their room.

But there was something else about that game.

There was a general acceptance,

or understanding,

of what family was.

Family was,

well, it was a mum and a dad,

who were the parents of,

well, at least,

a boy or a girl.

But experience tells us that family is not always like that.

It's not unusual for a child to grow up with just one parent,

or perhaps to not even know who their biological parents are.

It may soon be possible and legal for a child to grow up with two dads and two mums as the parents.

This was recently made clear by Glenn,

which is the Gay and Lesbian Equality Network,

responding to the government's proposal to redefine marriage,

this is what they say.

The government's historic decision in November

to hold a referendum on equal access to marriage in 2015

was a landmark moment in the evolution of equality for lesbian and gay people.

We look forward to 2014 being the year that equality of rights and responsibilities

is introduced for lesbian and gay families and their children.

Implied in this is the right for same-sex couples to adopt.

So a same-sex couple who obviously can't produce their own children,

but want a family,

will be able to apply for adoption.

And according to Glenn,

this is a rights issue,

and every loving couple who wants a family

should not be denied one.

But not everybody agrees.

Paddy Manning,

who you may have seen on Primetime recently,

represents an organisation called Preserve Marriage,

which opposes adoption by same-sex couples

and equal marriage rights.

Now here's what he says,

and bear in mind,

he speaks as a gay man.

He says,

I am a gay man.

I'm not a victim,

and I reject this notion

that traditional marriage

should be drastically altered for some fantasy.

Claiming that equality demands

that men and women be as interchangeable as Lego blocks

shows you don't understand men and women,

marriage, or much else.

We can ignore reality all we want,

but the outcomes for children

are not the same across all family models.

Marriage of a man and a woman

gives children the best chance.

You see,

by changing the definition of marriage,

our government are creating

or making way

for legislation

that will deny children

the right

to a father and a mother

by design.

Now that's important,

we've got to understand that.

It will mean

that they will deny children

the right

to a father and a mother

by design.

In fact,

when we look at God's design for family,

we see that every child

has the right

to a loving mother

and a loving father.

So we're going to be looking at family

under two headings.

First of all,

family as God designed it to be,

and then family as God ordered it to be.

So first,

family as God designed it to be.

Let's look at our text

in Ephesians chapter 6,

Ephesians 6:1–4

verses 1 to 4.

Let's read those verses again.

Children,

obey your parents in the Lord,

for this is right.

Honor your father and mother,

which is the first commandment,

with a promise,

that it may go well with you

and that you may enjoy long life

on the earth.

Fathers,

do not exasperate your children.

Instead,

bring them up in the training

and instruction

of the Lord.

So here,

within these couple of verses,

we've got a picture of family.

It includes,

look at verse 1,

children and parents.

And the parents are,

verse 2,

a father and a mother.

This is the design,

this is the structure

in which children

are to be raised.

Now,

just because you've got

heterosexual parents,

a mother and a father,

doesn't mean to say

that the family

will flourish.

Parents must also live

according to God's good design.

So in verse 4,

fathers,

do not exasperate

your children.

Instead,

bring them up in the training

and instruction

of the Lord.

It's implying there

that the parents,

the father and the mother,

that they themselves

must provide

a loving

and caring environment.

Just because you're a man

and a woman

in marriage

doesn't mean to say

that it's all going to go well.

It must be a loving

and caring environment.

They've got to be gentle,

not angry.

And above all,

to be those

who are teaching

their children

in the way

of the Lord.

And if all this design

is followed,

it leads to

healthy family life.

So look at verse 3.

That it may go well with you

and that you may enjoy

long life

on the earth.

We'll come back to that

a little later on.

But we shouldn't be surprised then

that when this design

of God is followed,

it actually proves

to be true.

UNICEF,

the organisation

that works

for children's rights,

now accepts

that children

tend to do best

when they are raised

by their biological parents,

both a mother

and a father.

So this is what they say.

Research clearly demonstrates

that family structure

matters for children.

And the family structure

that helps the most

is a family headed

by two biological parents

in a low-conflict marriage.

There is value

in promoting

strong,

stable marriages

between biological parents.

In fact,

this is not just good

for children,

it's actually good

for all of society.

Further research

has also shown

that when mothers

and fathers

are encouraged together

to stay together

and raise their children together,

it reduces poverty.

In other words,

it's found that

where there are communities

where there is

high marriage breakdown,

there is greater poverty.

And in communities

where there are strong

and healthy marriages,

there is less poverty.

So God knew

what he was about

when he was designing

family.

But what about

single-parent families?

What if a child

only has

a mother

or

a father?

Does that mean

they're not going

to flourish?

Well,

there are all kinds

of reasons

a child may only

have one parent.

Sadly,

a parent may

pass away.

We live

in a broken world

where there are

accidents

and there is

sickness.

Things happen.

Other reasons

may be

that a child

only has one parent

is because,

well,

there may have been

adultery

or some form

of abuse

within the home

which may lead

to divorce

or separation.

But whatever

the actual reason

is,

it doesn't

always mean

that the child

is now somehow

at a disadvantage.

For example,

my wife,

Kirsty,

who most of you

know,

she grew up

in a home

with just a mum.

Her father

left when she

was very young.

Yes,

it was difficult

for her.

Yes,

it was tough

for all of the

children in that family.

It was hard

for her mum.

Yes,

it did affect

and it continues

to impact

on Kirsty's life.

But whatever

the reason

may be

for a single

parent family,

let's remember

this.

God,

in his goodness

and grace,

provides all

that we need

for every parent

and for every child.

Healing,

forgiving,

restoring.

God isn't

bound by the

actions

or behaviours

of others.

God is never

derailed

by the circumstances

of our lives.

Remember the

psalms that we

read earlier

just before we

sang those songs.

Let me remind

you of them.

Though

my father

and mother

forsake me,

the Lord

will receive

me.

God

is a

father

to the

fatherless

and the

defender

of widows.

let's

never

forget

he is a

God

who

has

intervened

into

our

broken

and

disordered

world.

He's come

into the

mess

of our

lives

and into

the

mess

of

families.

He is

a

God

who

redeems

and who

renews.

This is

the kind

of God

that we

deal

with.

In fact,

one of the

ways

God

provides

is actually

through the

wider

church

family.

That's

why we're

gathered here

this morning.

The wider

church

family is

part of

God's

plan to

help and

encourage

all families.

So in

a sense,

all fathers

should be

fathers to

all children

and all

mothers

should be

mothers to

all children

and all

siblings

should be

siblings to

all children.

children.

The church

plays a

huge role,

a massive

role in

providing

the practical,

emotional and

spiritual support

to all

families.

That's why we

make such a

big point of

us coming

together like

this.

We're not

just coming

as individuals,

me and my

family and

just our

little core

group.

We're coming

together to

support and

encourage each

other and to

help each

other along.

But having

said all of

those things,

we mustn't

lose sight of

what God's

best design

for family

is.

That is a

loving marriage

between one

man and

one woman

that is in

an exclusive

lifelong

commitment.

So that is

family as

God designed

it to be.

But second,

family as

God ordered

it to be.

Because within

this design,

this beautiful

design that

God has,

we find an

order.

And that

order starts

back in

chapter 5

verse 21.

Chapter 5

verse 21

says,

Submit to

one another

out of

reverence for

Christ.

So this is

the beginning

of the,

verse 21 is

really the

beginning of

the whole

section through

the rest of

chapter 5

and into

chapter 6.

It's telling

us that we

are all to

submit to

God's

ordering,

to submit to

God's design,

his structure

for family

life.

So in

verse 22

following,

there is an

order for the

husbands and

wives.

They have

distinct and

different roles

to play within

marriage,

one to

another.

There's an

order and

God's designed

it in that

way.

And in

our text,

in chapter 6,

1 to 4,

there is an

order, there's

a particular

structure for

parents and

for children.

So in these

verses, parents

are placed in

authority over

their children

and children

are placed

under the

care of

their parents.

So we're

going to look

at them in

two ways.

First, we're

going to look

at the role

of parents.

So listen

up, parents.

Look at

verse 1.

Or I

could even

say potential

parents.

Children,

obey your

parents in

the Lord,

for this is

right.

So parenting

is to be

the responsible

of the

parents,

mother and

father.

You don't

just leave

it to one

or the

other.

They both

have their

distinctive

roles.

A mother

is gifted

and a

father is

gifted

differently,

but yet

they complement

each other.

They work

together to

provide the

best environment

and care for

their children.

So parenting

is a dual

task,

something they're

in it together.

However,

and I think

this is right,

you might want

to come back

to me on

it later.

However,

I think

within God's

order,

the father

is given

a particular

responsibility.

So he jumps

from verse 1

talking about

parents generally,

now to verse 4,

fathers.

Fathers have

a particular

responsibility

that the

mothers don't.

Yes,

they all play

their role in

it,

but fathers

listen up,

myself included.

Fathers,

do not

exasperate

your children.

Instead,

fathers,

bring them

up in the

training and

instruction of

the Lord.

One commentator

has pointed

out the

common abuse

of a father

at that time

in a typical

Roman family.

Let me read

it to you

what it was

like or what

it could

have been

like.

A Roman

father had

absolute power

over his

family.

He could

sell them

as slaves.

He could

make them

work in

his fields,

even in

chains.

He could

take the

law into

his own

hands,

for the

law was

in his

own hands,

and he

could punish

as he

liked.

He could

even inflict

the death

penalty on

his child.

Now,

that might

seem a bit

extreme for

us in our

context and

in our

environment,

but I

don't think

it's too

uncommon

for children

in Ireland

to experience

the abuse

or the

absence of

a father.

It's all

too common.

The number

of fatherless

children or

children being

raised not

knowing who

their father

is, or

perhaps who

their mother

is, is

increasing all

the time.

So there

is a

specific and

an important

correction here

for how a

father should

parent.

And there

are two

primary

concerns.

The first

concern, if

you split the

verse, verse

four, in two

parts.

The first

concern is the

first part.

Fathers do

not exasperate

your children

or as some

translations have

it, fathers

don't provoke

your children

to anger.

Don't provoke

your children

to anger.

Don't get

them angry

and annoyed.

Let's think

about that for

a minute.

Because anger,

and I guess

this is the

experience of

all parents,

it's a common

response, isn't

it, of a

child to a

parent.

If you had

children, do

they ever get

angry with

you?

It's alright,

they do.

It's alright,

children will

get their own

backs in a

minute, so

don't worry.

So when a

parent says

no to their

child, or

no, not

there, or

don't touch

this, what's

the reaction?

Sometimes they

get angry and

they throw a

tantrum and

they start

shouting and

doing all

kinds of

things.

Why?

Because the

child is

simply doing

what we

all do.

They're

fighting against

authority.

They're

resisting God's

good design

for life.

They don't

like it.

They don't

want to

submit to

their parents'

authority.

They want to

live life

their way and

do things the

way they want

to, like

us.

They have a

sinful nature

that reacts

against authority,

doesn't want to

submit to it,

and responds

in anger.

So does

that mean

then parents

must avoid

saying or

doing anything

that will

ever cause a

response of

anger?

Well, I

possibly couldn't

tell them never

say no or

don't do that

because, well,

if they get

angry.

Well, I don't

think that's

what it's

saying.

What does it

mean then?

Well, parents

and in

particular fathers,

we must

exercise our

authority.

we must

be firm

with our

yes and

with our

no, but

in a way

that is

Christ-like,

in a way

that doesn't

cause a

wrong response.

So, have a

look at the

verses that we

read earlier

in chapter 4,

verse 26.

All of us,

whether we're a

father or not,

this applies to

us all.

These are

searching and

challenging

words.

verse 26

of chapter 4,

in your

anger,

do not

sin.

Do not

let the

sun go

down while

you are

still angry.

In other

words, don't

go to bed

without having

sorted out what

you need to

sort out with

your wife or

your husband or

with your

children.

Go to bed

at peace,

having forgiven

each other.

Verse 27,

and do not

give the devil

a foothold.

If we don't

sort it out,

he gets

in.

And he

makes things

difficult.

Verse 29,

do not

let any

unwholesome

talk come

out of

your mouths,

but only

what is

helpful for

building others

up.

So if you

haven't got

something good

to say that

is going to

be helpful

or building

up to your

children or

to your

husband and

wife,

don't say

it.

verse 31,

get rid of

all bitterness,

rage and

anger,

brawling and

slander along

with every

form of

malice.

You see,

this is what

it is to

parent.

This is what

it is to be

a father who

uses authority

but in a

Christ-like

way.

Well, how

are we going

to do

that?

Because I

know myself

having read

through all

of this,

I know I

failed in

all of these

areas as

a father.

How are we

going to

get it

right?

Well, look

at verse 32.

Be kind

and compassionate

to one

another,

forgiving each

other,

just as in

Christ God

forgave you.

Do you

see that

beautiful

picture?

We have a

father in

heaven who

has fathered

us in the

most ultimate

and best way

in that he

has forgiven

us.

God was the

only one who

was just and

right to be

angry with

our sin,

but yet he

didn't pour

out his

anger on

us, but he

removed his

anger from

us so that

we didn't

have to face

it.

And he

cared for

us as

his

children so

that we

in turn

would be

able to

care for

our

children.

Chapter 5

verse 1.

Be imitators

of God

therefore as

dearly loved

children and

live a

life of

love just

as Christ

loved us.

love.

You see,

fathers,

parents,

if you want

a model for

how to

parent well,

yeah, the

books are

great,

talking to

others will

be great,

but look at

the model that

we see on

the cross of

what the

Father has

done for

you.

That is the

example that

we should

follow.

the loving,

forgiving

Father.

So that's the

first concern.

Fathers,

take your

role

responsibly.

Do not

exasperate your

children.

The second

concern is the

second part of

the verse.

Instead, in

place of

this, bring

them up in

the training

and instruction

of the

Lord.

The greatest

desire parents

can have for

their children

is that they

love the

Lord Jesus.

It's not that

your children

are good at

sport.

It's not that

they are good

educationally.

It's not that

they have a

stable career.

It's not even

their health.

All of those

things are

good.

But to

paraphrase the

words of

Jesus, what

good is it

for your

son or

daughter to

gain the

whole world

but lose

their own

soul?

What good

is it if

your son

becomes the

greatest sports

person on

the field?

What good

is it if

your daughter

is the

best

educationally

if they

do not

know the

Lord Jesus?

Bring

them up

in the

training

and

instruction

of the

Lord,

fathers.

Make sure

they are

learning

Christ

from you.

Make every

effort to

teach them

about their

true

heavenly

father.

I dream

that my

son will

score goals

and tries.

I have to

dream because

it doesn't

happen at the

minute.

I long

that my

daughter makes

it at

school.

I want

the best

for my

children in

every area

of life.

But let's

make every

effort to

make sure

that none

of these

passing

things,

these are

empty

things,

they're

unfulfilling

things.

Make sure

that none

of them

interfere or

take the

place of

the desire

within your

parents'

heart for

your child

to know

Christ.

Fathers,

make it

your priority

to read

the Bible

and to

pray with

them.

Forget about

the little

job that

needs to

be fixed.

Forget about

having to

spend extra

time at

the office.

Forget about

the stuff

that you

need to

do outside

or going

to the

gym or

playing that

game.

You'll

have all

the time

in the

world when

your children

are gone

and left

home.

Make it

your priority.

Change your

habits.

Do things

now to

get in

place so

that we

have time

to bring

them up

in the

training and

instruction

of the

Lord.

Use the

website,

go

therefore.

It'll

help you.

help you

to

help you

to

help you

with your

children.

Let me

encourage all

the parents

and potential

parents because

we all know

that we

live and

parent very

often out

of guilt.

So let me

encourage us

all, whatever

age your

children may

be, whether

they're at

home with

you now or

whether they've

left home,

and this is

the encouragement,

salvation is

a gift from

God.

God is

never

forced by

your success

as a

parent, and

God is not

bound by

your failure

as a

parent.

He is so

good, he

is so kind,

he is so

gracious, and

so as

parents we

pray our

children into

his care.

every day.

Parents and

fathers bring

up our

children in

the training

and instruction

of the

Lord.

The role of

children.

Verses one and

two, children,

all of us,

we're all

children, and

those who are

younger here,

obey your

parents in the

Lord for this

is right.

Honor your

father and

mother,

obeying.

It's always

hard for

children, no

matter what

age we are.

It's always

difficult to

obey your

parents.

And it's

only when we

look at the

obedience of

Jesus to

his father that

we can learn

what it is to

obey.

When the

father asked

his son to

go to the

cross, Jesus

obeyed his

father.

He submitted

to the will

of his

father.

He did

what he

asked him

to do, and

here's the

reason why he

went to the

cross to

take the

blame for

all of our

disobedience.

He came to

forgive us of

all the times

that we get

angry and

annoyed and

cross and

frustrated at

our parents.

Jesus obeyed

in our

place.

forgiveness.

And the

way to show

our thanks for

all that Jesus

has done for

us is to

obey.

We obey our

mum and dad

not to earn

God's love or

to earn their

favour, but

because we have

received God's

love and

forgiveness.

We honour our

parents in

response to

say thank you

to our

father in

heaven for

what he has

done for us.

So children,

if we want

a model for

how to obey

and honour

your parents,

look to the

cross and

see how Jesus

obeyed his

father for

you.

This is all

God's good

design for

his family.

It's something

beautiful.

It's something

wonderful.

He designed

it from the

beginning of

time.

And God's

order for

family brings

life and

blessing.

Look at

verse 3.

That it

may go

well with

you and

that you

may enjoy

long life

on the

earth.

So as

parents and

children, as

together we

live under

God's design

and order

for family,

so our

lives begin

to flourish

as God

intended.

It's not

saying that

it's going

to be a

perfect life

or that it's

going to be

without frustration

or things

won't happen.

Yes, they

will, but

this is saying

generally, under

God's good

order and

God's good

design until

the day we

reach heaven

where it will

be perfect.

He's saying

this is the

best life

for you

as parents

and this

is the best

life for you

as children.

Don't

interfere

with God's

design.

He knows

what he is

doing.

Let's play.

Let's pray.

Father, we

are taken

aback again

at the

amazing,

beautiful,

and wonderful

design of

family and

the way you

have created

life to be

under your

good order.

And we

confess,

we repent

that we

have so

often made

a mess

of your

good design.

We have so

often not

been the

father or

mother or

child that

we should

be, and

life hasn't

gone the

way it

should go.

And so

we look to

you, our

ultimate

father, asking

for forgiveness

afresh on

our lives,

asking again

that you

would mould

us and

shape us,

that we

would live a

Christ-like

life, obeying

our father in

heaven and

fulfilling the

role that he

has called us

to do in

the power of

your Holy

Spirit.

Father, would

you please

give to

every parent

here this

morning your

grace.

Fill them

with your

Spirit.

Enable them

to care for

their children

well, to

provide for

their every

need physically,

emotionally.

And for

every father

who is

represented

here, may

you fill

them with

that wonderful

role and

responsibility to

teach and

instruct.

And may

they live

such an

example that

their child

grows to be

like them.

And we

pray for

every child

represented

here, that

you would

care for

them and

that you

would help

them to see

through the

mistakes the

parents make

and look to

the Lord

Jesus.

We pray that

they will

grow to be

obedient and

that they in

turn will

become parents

themselves and

raise their

children well.

father, protect

every marriage,

protect every

home and

use it for

your glory to

be a witness

and an

example of

your amazing

gospel.

We pray this

in Jesus'

name.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.