God’s Design for Marriage: 1 Cor 7:1-24

24 verses together, and can I say as well that as we go through a topic and a subject like this,

it probably raises more questions than it does answers.

So we're going to try and get through all that we can, but please, I say this often,

but I think I just stress this a bit more that if there are questions from this morning's talk

or anything that you want to discuss through, then please feel free to do that with me afterwards.

We're going to ask for God's help. We're going to pray. So let's do that now.

Father, we thank you for that faithful, loyal love that you show towards us.

And we are continually in need of that love, a love that cares for us in the very best possible way.

And we know that your word, your truth, is what is right and best for us,

whether we are single or whether we are married.

And so we pray that your truth would speak into our hearts, inform our minds,

that we would become a holy people, a holy people in our marriages,

a holy people in our life,

that we may honor you and reflect you

in our relationships one to another.

So please help us, we ask in Jesus' name. Amen.

Well, let me start with a story.

The names are fictional,

but the story is true.

Laura felt lonely and bitter.

She and Andy had been married for a few years.

When they first met, it truly was love at first sight.

They loved being together.

And so when Andy popped the question,

it was her dreams come true.

She thought back to her wedding day.

It had been amazing.

Friends and family celebrating their new life together.

All their longings fulfilled as they set up home as husband and wife.

But all that seemed a long time ago now.

The once cosy home was now full of regret and anger.

Laura was controlling.

Andy had met someone else.

How had it all gone so wrong?

They sat opposite each other.

Andy in self-denial.

Laura in tears of self-pity.

Now, if you're married here this morning,

you might be able to relate to Laura and Andy in some way.

Marriage is a wonderful gift from God to us,

but no one has ever said marriage is easy.

The church in Corinth, like us,

also faced their marriage problems.

So have a look back at chapter 6, verse 16.

This explains what some of the marriage relationships were like,

or some of the behaviours.

Chapter 6, verse 16.

Do you not know

that he who unites himself with a prostitute

is one with her in body?

For it is said the two

will become one flesh.

You see, it was very common for a husband at that time

to have a wife who would give him children,

he would have a slave who would do his work,

and prostitutes for his sexual pleasure.

And that was the arrangement.

And sadly, this sexual immorality

was not just part of city life in Corinth.

It had become part of Christian married life

within the church.

And as the church reflected on these behaviours,

some went with that kind of lifestyle,

while other people reacted what seems to be very strongly.

So rather than this liberal approach to marriage and sex,

they instead adopted an abstinence

and separation approach to marriage and sex.

So there were these two big ideas going on

in response to the sexual immorality

that seemed to be rooting itself

in the lives of believers within the church family.

So there were some who thought that,

well, if you were married,

it was better to abstain from sex altogether.

So have a look at chapter 7, verse 1.

Paul is writing to the church.

He says,

Now for matters you wrote about.

And here's one of the things they wrote to Paul about.

And they said, it's a quote,

It is good for a man not to marry.

Or better translated,

it is good not to have a sexual relationship in marriage.

So there were some who thought it was better to abstain completely.

On the other side,

there were those who thought that,

well, if you were married,

it was actually better to separate.

So verse 10,

chapter 7, verse 10,

To the married I give this command.

Not I, but the Lord,

a wife must not separate from her husband.

So some were saying we should abstain.

Others were saying we should just separate.

Now from my experience in life,

which isn't very long,

but just in talking with people,

when marriages get into difficulty,

this is exactly what seems to happen.

People abstain.

And they in turn separate.

But marriage is holy.

It is a wonderful gift from God.

And marriage is set apart for God.

And so we should seek to follow God's design

as it reflects something of who he is.

And in the first part of chapter 7,

we're going to see why we should not abstain

and why we should not separate.

So here's the first big heading.

First, marriage and sex.

Why abstinence is wrong.

I remember babysitting for two young boys.

Many years ago,

their dad was the local Presbyterian minister

and we were very good friends of the family.

Well, anyway, on this particular evening,

I could see that the older brother

was pushing the younger brother

to ask me a question.

And their concern was

their mum was pregnant.

Well, when it dawned on them

that their parents needed to have sex

for this to happen,

the elder brother,

he was absolutely horrified

and he blurted out to me and he said,

but my dad's a minister.

Well, I'm a minister too

and sex is not wrong.

It's a beautiful gift from God,

but only in the context

of a married relationship

between one man

and one woman.

So first,

as we've been seeing,

God says there is no sex

outside of marriage.

We've seen this through chapter 5

and chapter 6.

Sexual immorality was not just part of city life,

it had become rooted within church life

and within married life.

And so in response to all of this,

look at the end of chapter 6,

just the last couple of lines.

He says,

you are not your own,

so you're not free to do

whatever you like in life.

You were bought at a price.

Jesus died for you.

He rescued you

from a life of immorality

to live a holy life for God.

Therefore,

honour God with your body.

Now, if we're going to honour God

with our body,

that means we're to

follow God's good design

for marriage.

marriage,

and God's good design

for marriage

is clearly put right

at the beginning

of the story of the Bible

in Genesis 2, 24,

where God says,

a man will leave

his father and mother,

be united to his wife,

and they will become

one flesh.

And that becoming

one flesh means

that they become

together as one

through their sexual relationship,

united to each other,

and one with each other.

It seals their marriage

commitment.

Now, while God is very clear

that there is no sex

outside of marriage,

on a positive note,

and in contrast,

God says,

there should be no marriage

without sex.

And this is where it begins

to answer the question.

So, chapter 7, verse 1.

He says,

now for the matters

you wrote about,

it is good for a man

not to marry.

So, some were saying,

it's good,

it's better for us

not to have a sexual

relationship in marriage.

Well, nothing could be

further from the truth.

Sex is crucial

for growing

and nurturing

the marriage.

Three things

we're going to look at here.

first,

sex protects

the marriage union.

Look at verse 2.

But since there is

so much immorality,

there was so much

wrong behaviour,

husbands in particular

carrying on

the way that they were,

he says to those

who were married,

each man

should have

his own wife,

should have a

sexual relationship

with his own wife,

not anybody else,

and each woman

her own husband.

You see,

the marriage relationship

is exclusive.

And so,

their sexual relationship

is exclusive.

And this is what actually

keeps husband

and wife

together.

So,

look down

at verse 5.

He says,

do not deprive

each other

except by

mutual consent

and for a time.

So,

it must be

agreed

so that you

may devote

yourselves

to prayer.

Now,

I think the

implication there

is that

as married couples

we should be

praying together.

Praying together

to protect

the marriage

relationship.

and the

concern here

is he's saying

that don't

deprive

each other

sexually

because by

depriving

one another

all you do

is you drive

a wedge

of division

between each

other

which causes

the marriage

relationship

to break apart

and it could

lead to

temptation.

So,

look at the rest

of verse 5.

Then come

together again

so that

Satan

will not

tempt you

because of

your lack

of self

control.

Now,

while this

should never

ever be

an excuse

sexual

inactivity

can be

one reason

for a

husband

or a

wife

leaving

and having

an affair

with somebody

else

or causing

the marriage

relationship

to drift

apart.

It can

cause

division

rather

than

unite.

Verse 6,

he says,

I say this

as a

concession

not as

a command.

In other

words,

if you

must

abstain,

if you

think that's

important

for you

to do,

make sure

you are

very,

very careful

in how

you do

that because

it can

cause

division.

It could

break

the marriage

relationship.

So,

first of

all,

sex

protects

the

marriage

union.

It is

between

one

husband

and

one

wife

together

and

it

is

crucial

that

it

is

kept

in

that

way.

Second,

sex

serves

the

other's

needs.

So,

look at

verse 3.

The

husband

should

fulfil

his

marital

duty

to

his

wife

and

likewise

the

wife

to

her

husband.

Now,

again,

when husband

and wife

get married,

they are

giving

themselves

over to

the other

person.

With my

body,

I serve

my wife

and she

in turn

serves

me.

So,

sex

isn't

something

that we

demand

from each

other.

That's

very selfish.

That makes

marriage all

about my

wants and

my desires

and my

pleasure.

it turns

the other

person

into an

object

of

self-

gratification.

No,

sex is

something

we don't

take

or we

don't

look at

something

as

getting.

It is

something

we give

in loving

service to

fulfil the

needs of

our husband

or wife.

So,

it is

loving

service.

And I

think that

should be

a good

answer to

verse 9.

So,

have a

look at

verse 9.

All the

hot-blooded

young males

read this

verse and

they go,

but if they

cannot control

themselves,

they should

marry,

for it is

better to

marry than

to burn

with passion.

So,

that's why

I need

to get

married.

Well,

that must

be balanced

very carefully

with what

we've just

looked at

in verse

3.

It's not

about

getting

or taking

and fulfilling

my desires

and my

wants.

It's about

loving

service to

fulfil the

needs of

our husband

or wife.

Third

thing,

sex

creates a

deeper

intimacy.

This is

all in

relation to

protecting and

keeping that

bond of

marriage

together.

So,

look at

verse 4.

The wife's

body does

not belong

to her

alone,

but also

to her

husband.

In the

same way,

the husband's

body does

not belong

to him

alone,

but also

to his

wife.

Now,

how radical

and revolutionary

is that

in today's

culture?

We all

say it's

my body

to do

with whatever

I want

to do.

No,

we belong

to one

another.

And sex

is deeply

intimate.

And within

that intimacy

it is very,

very vulnerable.

My wife

is saying

to me,

my body

is for

you

and for

you

alone.

And the

husband is

saying,

my body

is for

you

and for

you

alone.

And

together

it's not

just about

being

physically

naked,

but it's

about being

emotionally

naked.

We are

entrusting

ourselves

to one

another

and giving

access

to the

other

in the

most

deepest

possible

way.

And in

this way

it grows

trust,

it builds

ties,

that together

creates

intimacy.

So you

see,

sex is a

good gift

from God.

Contrary to

what the

world says,

God is

not against

sex.

He is

for it

within the

context of

that loving

relationship

between a

husband and

wife.

And it

is,

yes,

of course,

from other

scriptures,

it is for

creating

new life,

love,

but it

is also

for the

growing and

the nurturing

of that

holy

marriage

relationship.

But it's

not always

easy,

is it?

Verse 7,

he says,

I wish that

all men

were as I

am.

Paul was

single at

the time.

We're not

sure if he

was ever

married,

we don't

know that,

but at

this time

it seems

that he

was single.

But each

one has

his own

gift,

from God.

One has

this gift,

another has

that.

Some are

single,

he's saying,

and that's

a gift

from God.

It may

change in

time.

Others are

married,

and that

is a gift

from God.

Now,

in the

context of

marriage,

if we

are married,

we should

be very

careful to

nurture this

special gift

that marriage

is.

It is a

gift from

God to

us,

not to

be abused

or used

as we

want,

so we

must

nurture

that gift.

And

every

marriage

will at

some

stage

struggle,

and they

will struggle

sexually,

and it

has the

potential to

tear marriages

apart,

and the

solution to

that is

not abstinence,

but a

learning to

serve,

and a

learning to

give.

love.

And that

takes

gentleness

and care,

and that's

why I think

in verse

five it

talks about

prayer,

the need

for husbands

and wives

to be

praying

together,

and making

that a

part of

your life

together.

So if

we're here

this morning,

and we're

married,

and we

struggle in

this whole

area,

don't be

embarrassed,

don't be

afraid to

ask for

help or

for support,

nurture

that holy

gift of

marriage,

it is

God's

means of

keeping

that

relationship

intact.

So that's

the first

big question

or first

big answer.

The next

one he

looks at

is marriage

and

unbelievers,

so why

separation

is wrong.

You see,

marriage isn't

just an

exclusive

relationship

between

one man

and one

woman,

it's a

lifelong

relationship,

and this

applies whether

our spouse

is a

believer,

a follower

of Christ,

or is

an

unbeliever.

First,

marriage is

for life.

Look at

verse 10.

To the

married I

give this

command,

not I

but the

Lord,

so he's

quoting here,

he's applying

the teaching

of Jesus.

He says,

a wife

must not

separate

from her

husband,

but if

she does,

she must

remain

unmarried

or else

be reconciled

to her

husband,

and a

husband must

not divorce

his wife.

Can you

remember what

Jesus spoke

about when

he quoted

God's design

in Genesis?

Do you

remember his

words?

What God

has joined

together,

let man

not separate.

So it's

to be a

lifelong union,

now sadly,

there will

be times

when we

do deal

with separation

or divorce,

and we're

going to

come to

that in

a moment,

so if

that's a

question in

your mind

right now,

just hold

on to it,

and we'll

come back

to it.

But for

now,

I don't

want us

to lose

the focus

that marriage

is lifelong,

and the

reason that

it is

lifelong is

this,

it can

lead to

the salvation

of an

unbeliever.

And this

is true

in two

ways.

First,

it can

lead to

the salvation

of an

unbelieving

spouse.

So this

is thinking

of a

marriage

relationship

where one

of them

is a

Christian

and the

other

one is

not.

So first,

marriage can

save your

unbelieving

spouse.

So look

at verse

12.

To the

rest I

say this,

so those

who are

in that

married

relationship,

I, not

the Lord,

so he's

no longer

quoting what

Jesus has

said, but

Paul's words

are just

as authoritative

as Jesus.

He says,

if any

brother has

a wife who

is not a

believer,

and she

is willing

to live

with him,

he must

not divorce

her.

And the

same is

true in

the opposite.

So if a

woman has

a husband

who is

not a

believer,

and he

is willing

to live

with her,

she must

not divorce

him.

You see,

some people

may take

the view

that, well,

look, if

my husband

or wife,

they're not

Christians,

then it's

not good

for me.

It's not

good for

me and

my relationship

with God.

So I

need to

kind of

get out

of this

relationship

and find

myself a

Christian

husband or

a Christian

wife.

If I'm

really going

to grow

as a

Christian,

then I

need to

leave them.

And I

think that's

kind of

what some

of the

thinking

was within

these marriages

in Corinth.

But there's

actually a

greater purpose

than our

own spiritual

life.

And that

greater purpose

is the

salvation of

our unbelieving

husband or

wife.

So look at

verse 14.

Follow with

me through

these,

because they're

quite technical

and we need

to follow

along.

So verse

14.

For the

unbelieving

husband has

been sanctified

through his

wife, and

the unbelieving

wife has

been sanctified

through her

believing

husband.

Now

sanctified,

we've come

across that

word before

in Corinthians.

It means to

be made

holy before

God, to

be pure

and blameless

in his

sight.

and it

also means

to be set

apart for

God.

So God

has won

you over

and now

you live

for him.

You're set

apart for

his ways.

So as

God looks

upon the

marriage of

a believing

person and

an unbeliever

together,

God looks

upon that

marriage as

sanctified.

He's saying

that marriage

is holy.

It's pure.

I recognise

that marriage.

Marriage is

good.

It's a gift

of God

to you.

And what's

the implication?

Well it

doesn't mean

that an

unbeliever is

saved simply

because they

are married

to a

believer.

So just

because an

unbeliever

is with

a believer

doesn't mean

they're going

to become

a Christian.

But what it

does mean

is that it

provides the

opportunity

for salvation

and that

salvation is

very real

because they

are married

to a

believer.

So look

at verse

16.

So how

do you

know

wife

whether

you will

save

your

husband?

Or how

do you

know

husband

whether

you will

save

your

wife?

So the

purpose

he's saying

of not

separating

but staying

together

is the

salvation

of your

unbelieving

spouse.

and it's

applied in

a second

way to

unbelieving

children.

So

marriage

can also

save

your

unbelieving

children.

So look

at verse

14.

We'll read

the whole

of it

again.

Verse

14.

For the

unbelieving

husband has

been sanctified

through his

wife and

the unbelieving

wife has

been sanctified

through her

believing

husband.

children

otherwise

your

children

would be

unclean.

But as

it is

they are

holy.

So I

think the

same idea

is being

applied here

to children.

It's a

great

privilege

it's a

wonderful

privilege

for a

child to

grow up

in a

home where

both

parents

believe.

I

thank

God

that

that's

how my

life

started.

A

mum

who's

going to

pray for

you.

a dad

who's

going to

read the

Bible

with you.

And if

that's

you here

this morning

mums and

dads can

I just

encourage

you to

invest that

time in

praying for

your children

and reading

with them.

That is the

most wonderful

gift you

could ever

give to

your children.

And through

the believing

parents they

get to hear

the good

news of

Christ.

Christ.

And the

same is

true if

only one

of the

parents

believes or

if only

one of

the parents

is a

Christian.

So in

that sense

look at

the end

of verse

14 he

describes

the children

of that

married

relationship

as holy.

In other

words they're

also set

apart for

God.

They're

under the

care of

a loving

parent who

can pray

for them

and teach

them the

good news

of Christ.

You may

not have

the support

of your

spouse in

doing so

but there

is nothing

to stop

you praying

for them

and encouraging

them.

They are

in a

very special

unique

relationship

with their

believing mum

or dad

because through

them they get

to see and

hear the

good news

of Christ.

So the

purpose of

not separating

but staying

together including

with your

children is

salvation

of their

lives.

Now

sadly

sometimes

marriages do

come to

an end

before

death

do us

part.

So look

at verse

15.

But if the

unbeliever

leaves

let him

do so.

a believing

man or

woman is

not bound

in such

circumstances.

God has

called us

to live

in peace.

Now while

we should

always seek

to do all

we can to

keep the

marriage

together we

cannot make

an unbeliever

stay in the

marriage.

It's sad

and sometimes

the believer

who is left

is the one

who is there

also with

the children

and in

that situation

it requires

the church

to gather

round in

loving support

to care

for that

family.

To watch

out for

their practical

physical

emotional

all the

needs that

they may

have.

It's the

responsibility

of the

church to

care for

them.

So the

clear teaching

is that it

seems to be

through this

is that

marriage is

lifelong.

It is for

life until

death do us

part.

And we

should not

separate or

divorce because

marriage can

lead to the

salvation of

your unbelieving

spouse and

children.

But there's

still the issue

of verse 11

isn't there?

I wonder if

you noticed

it.

Let's read

verse 10

again.

To the

married I

give this

command.

A wife

must not

separate from

her husband.

but if

she does.

So it

seems at

this point

there are

circumstances

when separation

or divorce

may be

necessary.

In

Matthew's

gospel Jesus

dealt with

this question

with people.

And in that

context in

Matthew

Matthew 19 · chapter mention

chapter 19

Jesus spoke

about

unfaithfulness

in marriage

as the

only reason.

Now that

unfaithfulness

is either the

husband or

wife not

being faithful

to the

marriage

relationship that

they've committed

to each other.

An unfaithfulness

in terms of

well maybe

they've gone off

and had an

affair and

they're now

living with

somebody else.

or maybe

because of

abuse

whether that's

physical abuse

or verbal

or psychological

abuse.

So living

with an

unfaithful

spouse

in that

particular

circumstance

well they may

need to

separate

for their

physical

protection

for their

mental

well being

for the

care

of their

children

that might

be necessary.

And again

how the

church

responds

is crucial.

If a

marriage

does

separate

we need

to gather

round not

in condemnation

not in

pointing

fingers

but in

grace.

Any

separation

or any

divorce

is painful

for anybody

and it

can leave

people with

an enormous

amount of

guilt and

shame

whether they've

played no

part in it

at all.

And there's a

certain stigma

that's attached

to it

that it is

hard for

people.

And in that

context we need

to be holding

out the hope

of the gospel

to point them

to our

saviour

Jesus Christ

who not only

forgives all

of our sins

but he's the

one who heals

our hurts.

Who gathers us

in love and

compassion

and cares

for us

immensely.

So we need

to be careful

how we think

about people

rather than

push them

away in

condemnation

and judgment

we need to

encourage

and love

and support.

But as we

said none of

these things

are easy

and it isn't

something we

should rush

into.

Every effort

should be made

to restore

and where

possible

reconcile

that relationship.

But let's

not lose

the big

picture here

of what he's

saying.

Marriage

is for life

and it's

for the

saving purpose

of our

unbelieving

family.

So

marriage and

sex

why abstinence

is wrong

marriage and

unbelievers

why separation

is wrong

and then

third marriage

and contentment

our need

of grace

and how

if we are

married we

all need

God's grace.

So look at

verse 17.

This is really

a kind of

a conclusion

he brings

these two

big ideas

together.

Verse 17

nevertheless

so whatever

your married

relationship

is like

look at what

he says

each one

should retain

the place

in life

that the

Lord has

assigned to

him

and to

which God

has called

him.

This is the

rule I lay

down in

all the

churches.

Verse 20

each one

should remain

in the

situation

which he

was in

when God

called him.

Verse 24

brothers

each man

as responsible

to God

should remain

in the

situation

God called

him to.

So I

think it's

quite clear

isn't it

if you

are a

Christian

and you

are married

remain

in that

married

relationship.

Now it's

so easy to

say those

words isn't

it?

Because you

may be

married to

an unbeliever

and that

can be

very very

hard.

you may

be married

to a

husband

who has

been

unfaithful

and that

is painful.

You may

be married

to a

wife who's

really

difficult

and controlling

and that

is hard.

So what

are you

telling me

Johnny to

say remain

in that

married

relationship?

Well it's

easy for you

you're not

in my

situation.

how are

we meant

to remain?

Well rather

than be

looking for

a way

out

so rather

than running

in that

direction

we need

to focus

our eyes

up to

God's

grace

and his

grace to

us in

our lives.

First

he gives

us grace

for

obedience.

again pay

attention

here

follow

along

carefully

they're

not

easy

verses

but we'll

make our

way

through.

So verse

18

was a

man

already

circumcised

when he

was called?

Well he

should not

become

uncircumcised.

Was a

man

uncircumcised

when he

was called?

Well he

should not

be

circumcised.

Well I

scratched my

head many

times over

this like

what's

circumcision

got to do

marriage.

What's

all that

about?

Well those

who were

circumcised

were Jews.

Those who

were uncircumcised

were Gentiles.

So he's

saying well

just as a

Jew doesn't

have to

change his

identity to

become a

Christian and

just as a

Gentile doesn't

need to

change his

identity to

become a

Christian.

Well he's

saying to

those who

are married

you don't

need to

change your

marriage

relationship

to change

your

relationship

with God.

You're in

that relationship

with God.

So you don't

need to go

changing your

relationship at

all.

Verse 19

circumcision is

nothing and

uncircumcision is

nothing.