Witness in the Family and Home 1 Peter 3v1-7

So we're reading from 1st Peter chapter 3, it's on page 1219, 1st Peter chapter 3 verses 1 to 7.

Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands, so that if any of them do not believe

the word, they may be won over without words by the behaviour of their wives, when they

see the purity and reverence of your lives.

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold

jewellery and fine clothes.

Instead it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit,

which is of great worth in God's sight.

For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make

themselves beautiful.

They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah who obeyed Abraham and called him

her master.

You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives and treat them with

respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing

will hinder your prayers.

Well, before we start, let me say two things.

Hopefully it was clear that this morning the text is about husbands and wives.

Maybe you're sitting there thinking, well, I'm not a husband, I'm not a wife.

Please don't not listen because the principles, the applications are about faithful witness

in family life, in home life.

So what applies to husbands and wives in turn relates to us all.

And the other thing is, with a subject like this, a topic like this, I often find that

when I've prepared through it, I'm asking myself lots more questions than what we get a chance

to deal with.

So maybe through this you've got questions at the end of it and you want to talk about it,

then please feel free to do so afterwards.

With that in mind, let's pray and ask for God's help.

Our Father God, we thank you for the gift of family and for the gift of our homes.

We recognise that all these things come from you.

And so it's our desire that we would live according to your plan and according to your design for the family.

So Father, for whatever our experiences may have been, the good experiences and the hard experiences,

that you would help us to come under your word today,

that we may become husbands and wives that you call us to be.

Father, we need your help and we need your understanding.

So please give it to us, we ask.

Amen.

Amen.

Well, being a follower of Jesus Christ in the world is not easy.

As we speak up for Christian truth, as we stand for Christian values,

we will face opposition.

That's the repeated message throughout 1 Peter.

And how we respond is crucial.

Rather than run away and hide, we are, look at chapter 2, verse 12.

Instead of running away and hiding, we are to live such good lives among the pagans,

among those who are not yet followers of Jesus,

that though they accuse you of doing wrong,

though they mightn't like what you believe or want to listen to what you say,

they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us.

You see, our good deeds can soften hard hearts,

it can break stubborn minds, it can shatter disinterested souls

so that people want to hear the truth about Jesus Christ.

And having explained how we are to live good lives in society and in work,

that's what we looked at last week,

we are now called to live such good lives within the family.

Chapter 3, verses 1 to 7.

In particular, how we are to live such good lives as a Christian

if my spouse is not yet a Christian.

Now, while the text here, chapter 3,

specifically addresses husbands and wives and the marriage relationship,

the principle, as we were saying just a moment ago,

applies to all family relationships within the home.

That how we live affects other people.

So back to chapter 2, verse 12.

We are to live such good lives among our families

who are not yet believers.

Among our parents, among our siblings,

that though they do not necessarily agree with you

or believe the same things as you,

they will see how you live and behave within the family.

And they will glorify God on the day he visits us.

So with that in mind, let's look especially

at what this means for husbands and wives.

First, wives and husbands.

Marriage is a gift from God and it's designed by God.

Genesis 1, chapter 24,

gives us the pattern and the shape of marriage.

Let me quote Genesis 1, verse 24,

Genesis 1:24

where it says,

a man will leave his father and mother,

be united to his wife,

and they will become one flesh.

So marriage is a lifelong,

exclusive relationship

between one man and one woman,

sealed by a sexual union.

marriage is a lifelong,

exclusive relationship

between one man and one woman,

sealed by a sexual union.

This is God's design

and it is good for us.

So how are husbands and wives

to live out this relationship

when your spouse is not yet a follower of Jesus Christ?

Well, look at chapter 3, verse 1.

Wives, in the same way.

Now look at verse 7.

Husbands, in the same way.

So husbands and wives are called to live

in the same way as what?

Well, I think he's taking us back

to the rest of chapter 2.

So look at chapter 2, verse 13.

It's addressing every single person in verse 13.

It says,

submit yourselves,

all of you,

submit yourselves

for the Lord's sake

to every authority

instituted among men,

whether to the king,

that is our Taoiseach

or our government,

as the supreme authority.

Or look at verse 18.

Slaves.

And we were looking there

at the context of employees.

Employees,

submit yourselves

to your masters,

to your employer

with all respect.

This is, you see,

God's good order

and God's good design for life.

There are those

who have positions

of authority,

those who have

responsibility

to care and provide

and watch over others,

whether that's the government

or whether that's your boss.

Similarly,

there are those

who are under authority

and are there

to support and respect

those who are

in authority.

In fact,

whatever position

we find ourselves

in life,

we are all called

to follow the example

of Christ.

Chapter 2, verse 21.

To this you were called,

because Christ suffered for you,

leaving you an example

that you should follow

in his footsteps.

So, in the same way,

all of us,

especially in this context,

husbands and wives,

are to follow God's good order

and God's good design

for life.

So, in the same way,

now if we follow

God's good order

for our relationships,

there will be

a deep,

intimate joy

where husband and wife

will flourish together

and they will become

the people God

calls them to be.

But in this context,

the reason for calling us

to live in the same way,

the reason for calling us

to follow God's good design

is, look at the rest

of verse 1

of chapter 3,

so that

if any of them,

if any of the husbands

who do not believe

the word,

so if they are not yet

followers of Christ,

they may be won over

without words

by the behaviour

of their wives.

Now the same, I think,

applies to husbands

in verse 7.

Look at the first part

of verse 7.

Husbands, in the same way,

be considerate

as you live

with your wives.

Now I think the context

is pushing

and implying

that husbands

would also

win over

their

unbelieving wives

by how they live.

So the message

is crystal clear.

God is saying,

follow my good design

for life

and you will

win over those

who are not yet

believers within your family,

whether that happens

to be your husband,

your wife,

your parents

or your siblings.

You see,

following God's good design

can soften the hard heart

of your wife,

it can break the stubborn mind

of your husband,

it can shatter

the disinterested soul

of your parents

so that they will want

to hear the truth

about Jesus Christ.

They will see

your good deeds

and they will be

drawn to

and attracted to

who Jesus is.

So what will this

good living look like

in the marriage

relationship?

Well, we're going to

take them one by one.

First, we're going to look at

the beautiful wives.

There are three ways

believing wives

can win over

their unbelieving husbands

and it's all to do

with your beauty.

First of all,

your submissive beauty.

Look at verse 1

of chapter 3.

Wives,

in the same way,

be submissive

to your husbands.

Now, I realise

that might sound

very archaic

and very chauvinistic

and out of date

and, well,

we don't use

that kind of language

anymore.

Well, it's important

for us to see

that biblical submission

and we must understand

what it looks like

is something

truly beautiful.

As we'll see shortly,

the husband

is to respect

his wife,

to care for her,

to serve her.

Following the example

of Christ,

he is to literally

give his life

for her.

So, for the husband,

it's about care,

not control.

It's about serving

his wife,

not suppressing

his wife.

And it's to this

kind of

Christ-like leadership

that wives

are to submit.

And in submission,

they support

their husband,

they affirm

their husband.

Have a look

at verse 5.

For this is the way

the holy women

of the past

who put their hope

in God

used to make

themselves

beautiful.

They were submissive

to their own

husbands.

Like Sarah,

who obeyed Abraham

and called him

her master.

If we look back

into Genesis

Genesis 12 · chapter mention

chapter 12

where we read

about Abraham

and Sarah,

Genesis 12

tells us that

Sarah was a

really beautiful

woman.

Physically,

she was incredibly

attractive.

She was so

beautiful

that Abraham

was afraid

that this

powerful rich

king was going

to kill Abraham

and take Sarah

for his wife.

So he lied

and said,

Sarah was

my sister.

But the beauty

that wives

are to emulate,

that Peter

is calling

wives to emulate,

he's saying

it's not about

Sarah's

physical beauty,

but it's about

her submissive

beauty.

They are,

verse 6,

like Sarah

who obeyed

Abraham

and called

him her

master.

Now,

just in case

you're wondering,

Kirsty doesn't

wander around

the house

calling me

master.

We've got to

understand again

the context.

It doesn't mean

that Sarah

was reduced

to a mere

slave answering

his every

beck and call.

No,

it's an

expression of

her deep

respect and

support for

her husband.

And wives

are called,

this is the

submissive

beauty,

one of

deep

respect

and support

and affirming

the role

of the

husband.

Now,

you say,

well,

that's all

well and

good when

the husband

is living

as he

should be.

What about

when the

husband is

not Christ-like

in his

leadership?

Well,

that's precisely

the context

here.

That's what

Peter is

driving at.

Wives

are to be

submissive to

their husbands

even when

he is not

yet a

believer.

If he

mocks your

faith in

Jesus,

he's saying

don't fight

him.

Affirm him

in his

role.

If your

husband should

even stop

you talking

about Jesus

in the

home,

don't control

him.

support

him.

Why?

Well,

go back

to chapter

3,

verse 1,

the second

part.

So that

if any

of them

do not

believe the

word,

if any

of them

are not

yet

followers

of Christ,

they may

be won

over

without

words

by the

behaviour

of their

wives.

When they

see the

purity

and

reverence

of your

lives.

So you

see,

submissive

beauty

is something

wonderful

and it

can win

your

unbelieving

husband

over

for Christ.

Now

before we

move on,

there's

something else

I just

want to

address

here and

that is

that it

may be

the case

that the

unbelieving

husband

is

physically

or

verbally

abusive.

it

may be

that he

is

unfaithful

in the

marriage,

sleeping

with

other

women.

It

could be

that the

home is

no longer

a safe

and secure

place for

the wife

and for

the children.

Does that

mean then

that they

must still

stay?

What do

we do

then?

Well,

if that's

the case,

the wife

and the

children

need

protection

and care.

Matthew

19

talks

about

that.

That the

church

family

should be

there to

provide

and support

the wife

and the

children.

The right

authorities

would need

to be

informed

if there's

physically

an abusive

behaviour.

And if

it's

unresolved

and if

it's

unchanged,

as

Matthew

19

talks

about,

the

believing

wife

may have

to leave

her

husband.

Abusive

and

unfaithful

behaviour

in marriage

must not

be

tolerated.

And the

church

should be

a place

of safety

and security

and care

and provision

for those

who find

themselves

in that

situation.

However,

where

possible,

wives

can win

over their

unbelieving

husbands

by their

submissive

beauty.

The second

beauty

is an

inner

beauty.

So,

verse 3.

Your

beauty,

still addressing

wives,

your beauty

should not

come from

outward

adornment

such as

braided

hair and

the wearing

of gold

jewellery

and fine

clothes.

So,

sorry,

Kirsty,

I won't

be able

to buy

you gold

jewellery

anymore.

Instead,

verse 4,

it should

be that

of your

inner self.

Now,

again,

let me

make it

very clear,

there's

nothing

wrong

with

women

making

themselves

look

beautiful.

Wives,

it's not

wrong

to dress

well.

It's not

wrong

to go

and get

your hair

done.

It's not

wrong

to go

to the

gym.

However,

outward

physical

beauty

is never

going to

change

the

heart

of your

unbelieving

husband.

You may

do well

to attract

them to

yourself

through your

physical

beauty,

but they

are not

necessarily

going to

be attracted

to Christ

through your

physical

beauty.

Proverbs

11

says

this,

like a

gold ring

in a

pig's

snout

is a

beautiful

woman

woman

who

shows

no

discretion.

You see,

wives,

you can

be

beautifully

attractive,

you can

be drop

dead

gorgeous,

but without

that inner

Christ-like

beauty,

you are

never going

to win

your husband

for Christ.

So,

wives,

let me

ask you,

what effort

attention do

you put

into looking

physically

good?

Watch

what you

eat,

you watch

what you

wear,

you watch

how you

look,

you take

note of

how people

look at

you.

Do you

watch

your own

heart?

Are you

developing

that inner

beauty

that will

attract your

husband to

Christ?

Are we

working on

our own

hearts?

So,

wives are

to have

a submissive

beauty,

they are

to have

an inner

beauty so

that they

can win

over their

unbelieving

husbands.

But there's

a third

beauty,

an unfading

beauty.

Verse 4,

let's read

verse 4

again.

Instead,

of the

outward

physical

beauty,

it should

be that

of your

inner

self,

the

unfading

beauty

of a

gentle

and

quiet

spirit,

which is

of great

worth

in God's

sight.

Now,

let's be

real here,

let's face

the facts.

Physical

beauty

fades.

Even

the

supermodels

will droop

and wrinkle.

We can

only put

on so

much

makeup.

Unless,

of course,

you want

to look

like a

plastic

mannequin

who can't

even

smile

because

they've

got so

much

Botox.

Inner

beauty,

on the

other

hand,

does not

fade.

It only

gets more

beautiful and

it grows

over time.

Look at

verse 4

again.

It should

be that

inner

beauty of

the

inner

self,

the

unfading

beauty

of a

gentle

and

quiet

spirit.

A

wife

who is

gentle,

is not

harsh,

is not

aggressive

in her

talk,

is not

nagging

and

impatient

towards

her

husband.

A

wife

who is

quiet,

is

calming,

brings

peace

into the

home,

soothes

the

troubled

waters

that

there

may

be.

This

is the

kind

of

beauty

that

will

win

over

your

unbelieving

husband

for

Christ.

Of course

it doesn't

mean that

the wife

can't

talk or

that she

doesn't

have an

opinion.

No,

it's

talking

about

this

Christ-like

character.

She

does

not

retaliate.

She

is not

argumentative.

She

is gentle

and

quiet

in

spirit.

Now I

know we're

addressing and

talking about

wives here,

but before we

move on,

if you're a

single woman

who hopes

to be

married one

day,

do not

try and

gain a

husband

by your

physical

beauty.

Do not

dress in

such a

way to

lure and

capture your

future husband.

Why?

Well,

because the

only reason

he's going

to marry

you is

for your

beauty.

But as

we've just

seen in

verse 4,

what happens

then when

your beauty

fades?

Well,

that's one

of the

main reasons

why many

marriages

break up,

because the

man no

longer likes

the way

his wife

looks,

so goes

off with

somebody

else.

Women,

physical

beauty may

be the

standard of

the world,

it may

be across

every

magazine

that you

read.

How women

look sexually

may be the

demands and

the pressures

of men,

but God's

good and

right design

for us,

verse 4,

is that there

would be an

unfading

inner beauty

of a gentle

and quiet

spirit,

which is of

great worth

love in

God's sight.

And again,

older women

within this

church,

let me

encourage you

to model

to the

younger

women what

this inner

beauty looks

like.

That is the

responsibility

of all of us

within the

family of the

church.

Women are to

demonstrate and

show what

true inner

beauty looks

like.

And if you

are a mother

here today and

you've got

young daughters,

cultivate that

unfading beauty

to your

daughters.

The things

that they hear

about, the

things they

read about,

the things

that your

daughters will

see are

all about

dressing sexually.

That is the

demands and

the pressures

of the world.

But that

inner, unfading

beauty, that

is what we

should cultivate.

So wives,

young women,

desire a

submissive,

inner,

unfading

beauty,

because it

will win

over your

unbelieving

husband to

Christ.

So,

beautiful

wives,

faithful

husbands,

husbands.

And likewise,

I've just

put it

together that

there are

three ways

believing

husbands can

win over

their

unbelieving

wives.

So husbands,

first,

be

considerate.

Look at

verse 7.

Husbands,

in the same

way,

be

considerate

as you

live with

your wives.

in case

you didn't

know,

men and

women are

different,

very

different.

And it's

the role of

the husband

to be

considerate.

That means

they are to

try and

understand our

wives.

We are to

know them,

really get to

know them,

to understand

them emotionally,

physically,

sexually,

so that we

can serve

their needs.

Some years

ago,

a film came

out called

What Women

Want.

I don't

know if

you've seen

it or

know it.

Nick Marshall

is the

character played

by Mel Gibson.

He has an

accident,

I think he

falls over

and he

bangs his

head,

and the

result of

the accident

is he

has the

ability to

hear what

women are

thinking.

It's quite

funny.

Apart from

being the

only man on

the planet

who can

understand a

woman,

he has

learned to

know what

they need.

And of

course,

the story

is he

wins over

the love

of his

life.

Well,

as husbands,

I'm not

saying go

and bang

your head

so you

can understand

your wife

or women,

but we

are to

consider

what our

wives need.

That's what

it is to

consider.

We're to

know them

intimately,

how they

tick,

how they

work.

Most of

the time

I

confess,

I spend

my time

trying to

communicate

what I

need.

How

Kirsty

should

serve

me.

But that's

selfish.

Rather than

win your

wife towards

Christ,

it will

push them

away from

Christ.

So we

need to

be as

husbands

asking

questions,

learning

the concerns,

the fears

that our

wives may

have,

and in

response

serving

their needs

emotionally,

physically,

and sexually.

So husbands,

first,

we can win

over our

unbelieving

wives by

being

considerate,

taking time

to understand

who they

are.

Second,

we are to

be respectful.

Let's read

verse 7

again.

Husbands,

in the same

way,

be considerate

as you live

with your

wives,

and treat

them with

respect.

Respectful

in two

ways.

Look again

at verse 7.

Treat them

with respect

first,

as the

weaker

partner.

Now again,

this isn't

saying that

women or

wives are

inferior.

No,

there's an

equality.

But what it

is saying

is simply

this,

that men,

generally

speaking,

and husbands,

generally

speaking,

are physically

stronger.

So if you're

to have an

arm wrestle

with your

wife,

husband will

probably win.

So husbands,

he's saying,

are not to

use their

physical

strength to

crush their

wife,

or to

threaten

their wife,

or to

abuse them,

or to

demand things

from their

wife.

They are

to use

their

God-given

strength to

care,

protect,

and provide.

Our homes

and our

families should

be a place

where our

wives and

our children

do not

fear coming

home,

where they

do not

fear speaking

to their

dad.

They do

not fear

speaking to

their husbands,

but instead

they long

to be at

home because

it is a

place of

protection

and safety.

It's a

place where

they flourish

in the

safety and

security that

the husband

provides.

John

Stott,

a Christian

author,

put it like

this very

well when

speaking about

wives.

He said

this,

they are

delicate

flowers

which are

easily

trodden

underfoot

and which

wither

and die

if the

climate is

unfriendly.

you know

that

husbands

that how

we talk,

how we

live,

how we

behave,

provides

the climate

of whether

it kills

our wives

or whether

it causes

them to

flourish

and grow.

They are

weaker

than you.

Use the

God-given

gift of the

strength that

he has

provided to

care so

that they

flourish

and become

the women

that God

calls them

to be.

So we

are to

respect them

because they

are weaker

than you

but second

because they

are heirs

with you.

Look at

verse 7.

I'll read

verse 7

from the start.

Husbands,

in the same

way,

be considerate

as you live

with your

wives.

Treat them

with respect

as the weaker

partner and

as heirs

with you

of the

gracious

gift of

life.

In other

words,

if your

wife is

not yet

a follower

of Jesus,

treat them,

respect them

as if they

were a

follower of

Jesus.

Now again,

I take this

to be talking

not just

that,

yes,

the wife

here could

be a

believer,

but I

think it's

also saying

that she

might not

be a

believer.

So treat

them as

if they

were a

follower of

Jesus.

Just as

Christ has

treated the

husband in

grace,

so the

husband is

to treat

the unbelieving

wife with

grace.

Just as

God has

pursued you,

loved you,

and did not

give up on

you,

pursue your

love,

pursue with

love your

wife,

no matter

how she

might respond.

love her.

So even if

your wife

rejects

Jesus talk,

even if

she's hostile

to your

faith,

the answer,

respond with

grace,

just as

God responded

in grace

towards us.

Love her

as God

loved you

and made

you his

heir.

If God

pursued you

and did not

give up on

you,

and made

you his

child,

so husbands

we have no

right to

give up on

our wives.

We pursue

them with

love so

that they

also will

share in

the heirs of

the gracious

gift of

life.

So husbands,

be considerate,

be respectful,

and it

may win

over your

unbelieving

wife.

And then

third,

husbands,

be disciplined.

We're to be

considerate and

respectful,

look at the

very end of

verse 7,

so that

nothing

will hinder

your prayers.

As husbands,

we should be

praying for

our wives.

Husbands

should be

praying for

their unbelieving

wife to

become a

follower of

Jesus.

God

will

be

God

can.

God

can.

And that's

simply what

we're saying

through prayer.

We're saying,

God,

you open the

eyes of the

wife of my

heart.

You open

their eyes

so that they

see the

need of

Jesus.

God

can't

hear it.

But what

good is our

prayer life

if we are

not living a

good life?

It may be that

we want our

wives to

become more

like Christ

or to come

to Christ,

but sadly,

our own lives

look nothing

like Christ.

Our behavior

can,

look at the

end of

verse 7,

it can

hinder

our prayers.

The very thing that we want to happen

as we pray for our wives

doesn't happen

because of the way in which we're living.

Yes, husbands must be disciplined in prayer.

But we must also be disciplined

in how we behave.

Maybe you think as a husband here

whether your wife is believing or not

you're thinking

I wish my wife was different

and you talk to God about it.

But does our life match what we pray?

Before we move on

as we said to young women

who are not yet married

and who may one day be married

husbands

or those who seek to be husbands

and would long to be married one day

these are the values

these are the kinds of things

that you should be cultivating in your life

and young women

these are the things

that you should be looking for

in a future husband.

One who is considerate

considerate

respectful

it doesn't matter if they have

a six pack

doesn't matter if they're successful

and have a great career

but are they considerate

are they respectful

are they disciplined

will they cultivate

a life in which

you will flourish

and grow

and become the person

God called you to be.

So husbands

we can win over

our unbelieving wives

by being disciplined.

As we finish

let me read this quote

from a book entitled

Married

for God.

It shows us that

the relationship

between husband and wife

is

something that can

win

unbelievers over

for Christ.

Listen to this quote

I like to think

that men and women

may say to themselves

as they watch

a Christian husband

or a Christian wife

I've never seen God.

Sometimes I wonder

when I look at the world

if God is good

or if there is a God

but

if he can make

a man and woman

love one another

like this

if he can make

this husband

show costly

faithfulness

through sickness

as well as health

if he can give him

resources

to love his wife

when frankly

there is nothing

in it for him

well then he must be

a good God.

and if he can give

his wife grace

to submit

so beautifully

with such an

attractive

gentle spirit

under terrible

trials

then again

he must be

a good

God.

you see

how we live

our behaviour

our good lives

can attract

people

to Christ

so that they

will want to

hear

the truth

about Christ

so if you

are a believer

here today

and whatever

context

your family

relationships

may be

if you are

the only

Christian

in your family

your parents

aren't yet

Christians

your husband

or your wife

isn't a Christian

your children

aren't Christians

it may be a place

where they don't

want to hear

about Jesus

they don't want

to talk

about Jesus

but when they

see the beauty

of your life

the faithfulness

of your life

they will be

won over

by your good deeds

their hearts

will be softened

the hardness

will be

broken away

and they

will be

attracted

to Christ

may God

in his grace

give to us

all that

inner beauty

and that

faithful living

so that we

win others

over

for the Lord

Jesus

let's pray

that that

might happen

let's do

that now

where we are

in our seats

in the quietness

pray for

the person

who

you love

within your family

who is not yet

a believer

it could be

wider

a relative

parent

wife

or husband

pray that

God

will give you

an inner

beauty

so that

you reflect

the beauty

of Christ

pray that

you will have

that faithful

strength

that they

will see

the faithfulness

of Christ

his serving

and sacrificial

life

father we

recognize

that our

relationships

at times

can be hard

and difficult

it can be

hard to be

a Christian

in the

context

where others