Christ-Centred Marriage - 1 Peter 3:1-7

The servant of the world now in victory reigning, lift your voices to the one who is seated on the

throne. See him in the new Jerusalem. Praise the one who saved us. That's the reason we're here

this morning, to worship in song, to worship in prayer, to the ministry of the word and in

fellowship. So as we come to the Lord and as we come to continue in our worship, let's remember

why we're here. We're here not as part of a club, not as part of an organization, but we're here to

enter into the Holy of Holies and to commune with the living God. So let's continue that worship as

we look at 1 Peter chapter 3 and we're going to look at the first seven verses. Peter writes,

1 Peter 3 · chapter mention

Wives, in the same way, submit yourselves to your own husbands so that if any of them do not believe

the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives when they see the purity

and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment such as elaborate

hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner

self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which is of great worth in God's sight.

For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves.

They submitted themselves to their own husbands like Sarah who obeyed Abraham and called him her

Lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear. Husbands, in the same

way, be considerate as you live with your wives and treat them with respect as the weaker partner

and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life so that nothing will hinder your prayers. Let's pray.

Father, as we come before your throne this morning, help us to cast our cares on you.

Help us to remember that you are not a God who is distant and forbidding but you are close to the

brokenhearted, that it is your natural condition and nature to come to those who are brokenhearted

and to give them rest and peace. So wherever we're coming from this morning, Lord, if we're coming from

a place of strength or a place of weakness, a place of peace or a place of tension, help us to

put our burdens on your altar and offer them to you. Be with us as we continue to look at your word.

May what I have to say be glorifying to you and edifying to your people. We ask this in Jesus' name.

Amen. In preparation for this sermon, I was thinking about my own wedding day

and like many young husbands-to-be, I was quite nervous and my dad, sensing that this was the case,

took me aside, took me out to the lobby of the hotel just to chill out for a little bit and calm down.

And this is it, I thought. This is the moment where my father passes on his years of wisdom to me

as I embark on this new journey. The man I look up to the most will give me sage counsel and wise advice

and so full of expectation for what I was about to hear, I settled in for a lesson of the profundities

and the practicalities of marriage. Imagine my sense of anticipation being deflated like a cheap balloon

when leaning in and putting his arm around me, my father says,

you know, Dan, they say a man is incomplete until he's married and then he's finished.

Now, of course, he meant that as a joke. He was happily married to my mother for 41 years before he passed away

and it certainly lighted my mood and it certainly put things into perspective that I was focusing on all the wrong things on that day.

Is the minister going to show up on time? Is the music all going to go okay?

What happens if they don't cut the cake the right way? All of these sorts of things.

But it helped me to focus and eventually on the biblical idea of marriage,

not being something that finishes you or completes you, but rather that it's a new beginning.

It's taking one sinner, putting them together with another one so that they can figure out life together.

Different personalities, different roles, different people.

And as the journey starts, and speaking for myself and I'm sure the married couples would agree,

you start to learn a lot more about grace, about mercy, about gentleness, kindness, perseverance.

Now, the sermon isn't just about marriage, so if you're not married, don't worry, hang in there, I'll get to you.

But first, let's just have a look and see where the text takes us.

Sam drew the short straw this morning because normally when the leader comes and says,

what's the theme of your sermon, I can give two or three points.

And my response is, well, I don't really have one this morning.

We're just letting the text take us where it'll take us.

But if you want to think about one thing as we go through this text, think about gentleness.

How we're gentle to one another.

Verses 1 and 2.

Wives, in the same way, submit yourselves to your own husbands,

so that if any of them do not believe the word,

they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives,

when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.

Remember that time last week when I was talking about Bible verses that were unpopular?

Well, we hit the jackpot this morning for modern Western society.

Let's clear up a few things before we get started.

Very important.

Peter is not talking about men versus women.

He's not talking about the general interaction between men versus women.

This is not a pretext for a male-dominated society.

Look at verse 1.

Submit yourselves to your own husbands, he says to the wives.

And likewise in verse 7.

Husbands, as you live with your wives.

So Peter is talking about this specific relationship that he has in mind

between an individual man, an individual woman, marriage.

One man, one woman, in a covenant relationship for life.

It's not talking about women being inferior to men,

or men having authority over women by virtue of gender.

Because a man is no more superior to a woman than he is to another man.

Because of any reason.

And we know this, and I think this is in your notes,

because Paul said in Galatians 3.28,

there is no longer Greek or Jew.

There is no longer slave or free.

There is no longer male or female.

For all are one in Christ.

And men and women have distinctive characteristics and identities,

but both of them have the same standing in God's eyes.

And not just this, but Peter isn't just talking about marriage in general.

Most immediately, he's talking about a marriage where one spouse is a believer

and the other spouse is not.

This would have been common in the early church,

just like it's common now.

And sticking to the context of this letter as a whole,

as we've been finding out,

Peter is saying your best way to witness to somebody

isn't always necessarily to go point by point

through the biblical narrative of sin and redemption.

But rather, still in verse 1,

in this case,

that a wife might win over their unbelieving husband

without words,

by the behavior that the wife exhibits

when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.

In other words, if that's your situation,

don't worry about saying the right thing all the time,

but having the right words.

Instead, concentrate on your conduct,

because that's the whole point of Peter's letter,

your outward behavior.

Focus on that.

It's pretty good life advice in general, isn't it?

Think about the way people perceive you.

Think about how you come across to people,

what your attitude is like.

Because they say a picture is worth a thousand words,

and there's no bigger picture

than that which your life gives to other people.

So Peter is saying,

let your life be a picture

that shows your godly character.

And not just this,

but look at verse 3.

Did you know there's fashion advice in the Bible?

We're about to get some this morning.

Verse 3,

A wife's beauty

shouldn't come from outward adornment,

such as elaborate hairstyles

and jewelry

and fine clothes.

Some of you were going to go to Matt and Point later.

And now you're wondering,

is Peter up there scowling at you

for thinking that?

Well, fear not, sisters,

because just like in our day,

in Peter's time,

they were obsessed with image.

Obsessed with outward appearance.

So really,

there's nothing new under the sun.

It's all about flash.

It's all about image.

And Peter is saying,

don't get all caught up

in the need to get recognized

for your external beauty.

Competing yourself

or putting yourself against another woman,

a different wife.

Don't get caught up in this.

Your hair,

your jewelry,

your clothes.

There's nothing wrong with looking nice.

Just speaking personally,

I happened to have married a woman

who was just way out of my league

in the looks department.

There's nothing wrong with that.

But maybe,

what Peter was thinking of,

was Samuel,

the prophet,

when the Lord said to him,

Samuel,

man looks at the outward appearance,

but God looks at the heart.

God looks at what it is

that is the source

of what comes out of your mouth

and the way you live your life.

Not something external,

but something internal.

And that,

Peter is saying,

is what the Lord is concerned with.

That's the way

that you win over your husband.

Not by something on the outside,

but by something on the inside.

This beauty

that will never fade,

Peter calls it.

And I was thinking about

how to illustrate this,

and I don't want to overshare,

but this might help you

with the application.

Peter is talking about marriages

like how mine was

in the early years.

Seneca grew up

in a believing household.

Went to church at a young age,

heard the gospel at an early age,

responded to it,

became a faithful disciple.

And then when we were dating,

and eventually got engaged

and then got married,

I said I was a believer.

I really thought I was,

because I said most of the right things,

and our wedding had a minister

that presided over it,

so that's a good start, right?

You know, we said prayers

in our wedding.

Must mean I'm a Christian.

And I was even broadly interested

in the Bible

and church life.

But my life

was completely

without fruit.

I loved money.

I loved my career.

I had a horrible temper.

I was just not

a true believer.

And Seneca

would have been

well entitled

to just give up on me.

Not walk out of the marriage,

necessarily,

but just forget about me.

Discount my opinions

and my goals

and my input

and make decisions

without consulting me.

Having an attitude

towards my leadership

at the home

that was saying,

well, I don't need him.

He's not really a Christian.

Trying to assert herself

over me

at every opportunity

and generally

just giving up on me

as a husband

and as a potential believer.

But of course,

she didn't do that.

She was gentle.

She was gracious.

She was kind

and loving.

And she kept being

a faithful wife.

She kept supporting me

in my role

as our family's

particular breadwinner

and being a positive influence

in how we shaped

our family life

and our goals

and our dreams.

And of course,

she prayed for me

every day.

And then sometime

in our third year of marriage,

the Lord saved me.

Somehow,

in the great mystery

of how these things work,

the Lord used Seneca

and her patience

and her humility

and her loving kindness

to win me over

for him.

And nothing particular

happened.

There was no moment.

Nothing stands out.

There was no formula.

But I just know

I wouldn't be standing here

in front of you

preaching the words

if it hadn't been

for Seneca's inner adornment,

her inner beauty,

what Peter calls

the unfading beauty

of a gentle and quiet spirit

that is of great worth

in God's sight.

If it's of great worth

in God's sight,

you can imagine how I feel

because it's how I got saved.

So your unbelieving husband

might not read the Bible

but he reads you

every day.

So when he reads you,

let him see gentleness.

Let him see kindness.

Let him see love.

And verse 5,

look,

this is how the holy women

of the past

adorned themselves.

There's that word again.

Holy.

Set apart.

Something visible

to mark them out

as belonging to God.

They adorned themselves,

dressed themselves up.

That means like Sarah,

verse 6,

who obeyed Abraham

and called him,

and here's the controversial bit,

her Lord.

Temperature just went up in here.

I think when the ladies read that.

It's fiery stuff,

isn't it?

Some of you are thinking,

really Peter?

I mean,

I can stomach things like love

or sweetheart

or honey

or things like that,

but Lord,

come on.

But it's important.

Let's unpack this.

If you know much about Sarah,

you know she wasn't

a shrinking violet.

She was a strong woman,

an independent,

fiery character,

and she was more than

a match for Abraham.

And frankly,

and I'll use the vernacular

here a little bit,

there were times

where Sarah thought

her husband was a bit

of a tool.

And she would have been

well within her rights

to just assert herself

in that situation.

But even though

she saw Abraham's weaknesses,

her life pattern

was this general life pattern

of deferring to his leadership.

Not in a way that's fearful,

being afraid of the man,

but Peter says,

in a way that's gentle

and kind

and peaceful

and respectful.

And his point is,

if you do these things,

if you have these evidences

in your life

of peace,

kindness,

and gentleness,

you're a daughter

of Sarah.

Now what on earth

does that mean?

Well,

we all know today even

the Jews still call themselves

children of Abraham

through Sarah.

So they call themselves

the children of Sarah,

his wife.

But the New Testament

teaches us

that those who believe

are the children

of Abraham and Sarah.

Not being Jewish,

not coming from Palestine,

not being brought up

in a certain way,

but those who believe.

And Peter is not talking

to Jewish women.

He's talking to Gentile women,

just like those of you

sitting here in this room.

The Gentiles who Paul says

were once cut off

outside the dividing wall

of hostility and partition,

but you've now been brought near

by the blood of Jesus.

And the point is,

you don't need to be

a member of the right club.

You don't have to have

the right last name.

You don't need to speak

the same language

or have the right history.

Because, sister,

if you put your faith

in Christ,

and then that faith

overflows in a way

that demonstrates

the fruit of meekness

and gentleness,

even when your husband

should be doing better,

Christ is at work

in you.

And by bearing

with your husband

and pouring yourself

out for your husband,

even when he's undeserving

of your love

and mercy and gentleness,

focus on that word,

undeserving.

You're channeling Christ.

Because Christ came,

and even though

none of us deserved it,

none of us deserved

that the Son of God,

as we just read

in Philippians 2,

would empty himself,

make himself nothing,

like one of us,

and then die on a cross

for us.

Even though none of us

deserved that,

he came,

and he did that.

And by bearing

with your husband,

and we'll come to

some other people later,

who don't deserve it,

just like I didn't

deserve it

with Seneca,

by doing that,

Christ is imitated,

and Christ is channeled.

Paul said that

the love of God

was made manifest to us,

was made visible to us,

in that while we were

still sinners,

Christ died for us.

Didn't wait for us

to get our act together.

Seneca didn't wait for me

to get my life together.

She just kept loving.

And through that love,

the Lord saved me.

So sister,

when you persevere,

and out of love,

and honor,

you defer to your husband,

you mimic Christ,

and you sacrifice yourself,

and you serve

as an example

that points people to him.

Now,

just when you were thought

we were done

putting out fires,

Peter starts another one.

Verse 7.

Husbands,

in the same way,

be considerate

as you live with your wives,

and treat them with respect,

as the weaker partner,

and as heirs with you

of the gracious gift of life,

so that nothing

will hinder your prayers.

Weaker partner?

Our liberal sensitivities

are taking a hammering today,

aren't they?

Peter's kind of on a hiding

to nothing here.

But this is the word of God.

So again,

let's think here.

Now on the face of it,

if you read the word weaker,

you might think

that Peter is talking about

how women,

or the wife,

is the physically weaker partner,

just in terms of

physical strength.

And there might be truth in that.

At the end of the day,

Peter was writing at a time

where your livelihood

generally depended

on your muscles,

working with your hands.

Jesus called fishermen.

He was himself a carpenter,

that kind of thing.

Undoubtedly,

in that time

where you worked with your muscles

rather than your mind,

the husband was

the provider.

And much of that

is broadly true now,

although speaking

as a civil servant,

I'm glad I can use my mind

and not my muscles

to earn my living.

But there's something else here.

It's not just about physicality.

We husbands,

we're told,

this is us now, lads,

we are told

to be considerate

and respectful

with our wives

as the weaker partner.

Brother,

you might not be a pastor,

you might not be an elder,

you might not be a preacher

or a deacon

or anything like that,

but you have a ministry

in your life

and your main ministry

is to your wife,

is to lead her,

to shepherd her,

to love her,

to protect her.

And in our drive,

because we're conditioned

to be the alpha type,

in our drive

to provide

and protect,

sometimes we can be

a bit too direct,

a bit too on the nose.

In our desire

to get things done

and to lead our households,

we can sometimes be harsh

and unloving

and unkind.

And Peter is saying,

basically,

lads,

cop on.

Don't you know

that your wife

is the weaker partner,

that she's going to be

more sensitive

to how you communicate

to her

and how you lead her

than you might be to her,

that if you're belligerent

and if you're cruel

and you're authoritarian,

you'll actually damage

how she views you,

that your words

and your attitudes,

that they'll hurt her

much more

than any bruises

ever would.

So do we think

about things like this?

Are we harsh?

Do we set our expectations

of our wives

so high,

so impossibly high,

that they will never

meet those expectations?

When the house

doesn't look

the way we want it to look,

are we resentful?

Do we lose our temper?

When we're frustrated

and we don't get

our own way

with whatever,

anything from

what we spend our money on

to who gets the remote

that afternoon,

do we talk ourselves up?

I do so much

for this family.

I go to work

for 10 hours a day

and they don't

respect me there

and so the very least

is I can come home

and get the remote control

and watch what I want to.

Do we do that?

Do we focus on us?

Because brother,

can you think of anything

that's farther

from the love

of Jesus Christ

than that?

This gentleness,

this meekness,

this kindness

of the one who said,

I did not come

into this world

to be served.

I came to serve.

Brothers,

if you do this,

if you anchor yourselves

to this gentleness

and this kindness

and this grace

of Jesus

and how you talk

to your wife

and live with your wife

and lead her

and protect her,

you honor your wife

and you honor Christ

by echoing his example.

people.

And Peter says,

if you do this

and look at it,

your prayers

will not be hindered.

If you can channel Christ

in the way you deal

with your wife

in love

and in patience

and kindness,

then you can approach

the throne of grace

with confidence

and pray that the Lord

would touch the heart

of your wife

just like he touched yours,

just like the Lord

touched mine

when Seneca lived that way.

Be gentle with your wife

because Christ

was gentle with you.

And now maybe you're thinking,

sitting here going,

all right,

that's granddad

but I'm not married.

Don't plan on getting married,

whatever your situation is.

Or actually first,

we'll deal with this.

Maybe you're already married

and both of you

are believers.

So you say,

okay, that's fine.

We're both believers.

So some of you ladies

might be thinking,

well, he already knows Jesus.

I don't need to worry

about my character

reflecting the Lord.

I don't need to maintain

my inner beauty

to point him to the Lord.

Or some of you lads,

you might be thinking,

well, she's already a believer.

I don't need to be kind

and considerate

and patient

and gentle

and all that kind of thing.

I can be as harsh

and as brutish

as I want to be

because at the end of the day,

she still got to submit to me.

I'm still the man of the house.

Sounds like nonsense,

doesn't it?

Well, that's because

it is nonsense.

Paul tells us,

we won't go there

but look at Ephesians 5 sometime.

Paul tells us

marriage is a picture

or a sign

that points to how Christ

loves his church.

Marriage is intended

to illustrate

and to demonstrate

the love

that exists

between Christ

and the church.

So wife,

when you submit

to your husband

by deferring

to his leadership,

you're actually

encouraging him

in his role

to shepherd

and to protect

and love you

because he ought

to be looking

to Christ

whose example

was set for him.

By living your life

based on this inner beauty

that you have,

this gentleness,

this peace,

this mercy,

what you're saying

to your husband is,

I really am yours.

Just like the church

is really Christ's.

And husband,

when you submit

to your wife

by being considerate

of her sensitivities

and bearing with her

when you're frustrated,

you're encouraging her

because you're demonstrating

the patience

and the grace

and the sacrificial love

of Jesus

that made him die

for his church.

you're saying,

I really am yours.

Sister,

do you submit

to your husband

as the church

submits to Christ?

Are you ever ungrateful

for his efforts?

Are you argumentative

towards his leadership?

Or do you simply

trust him?

Brother,

do you love your wife?

And here's the standard,

lads.

Do you love your wife

as Christ

loves his church

and gave himself

up for her?

Are you harsh with her

when she displeases you?

Are you unmerciful to her

in her weakness?

Or do you lay down

your life for her

and demonstrate

your love for her

in ways that

often are painful

or disadvantageous to you,

in ways that you don't

get something out of it?

Is that us?

Is that our marriage?

Now, I promise

I'll get to you.

What if you're not married?

What if it's not

on your radar?

What if you're not

thinking about it?

Is the text irrelevant

to you?

Well, you could pretty much

remove all references

to husbands

and wives

and marriage

and all that kind of thing

and it would still apply

to every single person

in this room.

You might not be married.

You might not be

thinking about marriage.

But the question

is still the same

because as we've been

looking at in recent weeks,

when we're around

our unbelieving friends

and relatives

and colleagues,

what are we like?

Are we always trying

to get our way?

Are we harsh with people?

Are we using our efforts

to bring glory

back onto ourselves

rather than to serve

other people?

Are we being gentle

and kind and loving?

How about when

our unbelieving teacher

or unbelieving lecturer

sets what seems like

an impossible deadline

for a complicated assignment

and they won't agree

to an extension?

Do you grumble

and moan

and gossip

to the other students,

complain?

Or do we just

respect their position

and model out

the relationship

we have

with the great teacher

of love

and patience

and gentleness?

Maybe you've got a parent

who's not a believer

and you think,

well, if they're not a believer,

I don't need to

honor my mother

or my father.

They might think,

well,

you're getting mixed up

with a bunch of

religious weirdos.

I don't know

what's happened to you.

You're not acting

like my child.

Do we act

like we don't need them?

Or,

do we honor

our father

and honor

our mother

the same way

we honor

our heavenly father?

How about this?

This applies

to all of us.

When your unbelieving

friends are starting

to treat you differently

because you're now

a believer

or because you're

getting more involved

in the church,

maybe they're starting

to think that

Dan really thinks

he's better than us.

You know,

he goes to church

and his life

is all together.

as if that's true.

Do I shy away

from my friends?

Do I

withdraw from them?

Or do I continue

to pour out my life

into my friends

and love them

and say to them,

I'm not better than you.

I won't reject you

because Jesus

came and died

for the ones

who rejected him.

What about

when we believers

are all together?

Do we bear

with one another?

Do we persevere?

Do we keep going

on this journey together

even when we

annoy each other

and frustrate each other

and changes happen

in the church

whether it's

who's coming to preach

on Sunday

or removing the chairs

from that side

over to this side?

Do we love each other

as Christ

loves us?

When your elders

make decisions

you don't like

that would of course

never happen

in this church

just like it never

happens in my church.

When that happens

do you drop out

of church life

for a while?

Do you disappear?

Do you have difficulty

attending a church

where you don't agree

with 100%

of everything

that's done

whether it's

Sunday school

doctrine

the music

the layout

outreach

pastoral care

do you do that?

Or do you pray

for the leaders

of this church?

Do you encourage them?

Are you hospitable

towards them?

Do you offer them

feedback in a way

that's kind

and gentle

and loving?

And likewise

elders

and I say this

as an elder

in Middleton

when we're feeling

impatient

with how the church

is growing

or not

do we get resentful?

Do we want

to call it quits

let them figure out

this stuff

oh they don't

appreciate me anyway

or do we persevere

in our daily sacrifice

for these people

whom God loves

and for whom

he sent his son

to die?

In other words

brothers and sisters

are we faithful

to one another?

Are we faithful

in the way

the Lord Jesus Christ

is faithful

to us?

Are we going to

keep at it

whether it's you

with your wife

or your husband

or your dad

or your colleagues

or all of us

together in this room?

Are we going to

keep going?

Are we going to

keep walking

this journey together

and being faithful

to one another?

Love one another

warts and all

and there's a lot

of warts

we all have them.

Do we keep

our covenant

with each other?

Do we keep

our promise

to one another

the way the Lord

Jesus

keeps it with us?

So let's not

change

like the shifting

sands of

time and culture

and politics

and all the other

stuff that's out there

and what the world

calls right and wrong

which seems like

it's changing

every year.

Instead let's be

gentle

let's be kind

let's be gracious

let's be merciful

and let's be faithful

faithful to the

word of God

faithful to one

another

and faithful

to the Lord Jesus

because his blood

was shed

not mine

not the elders

not Johnny

Jesus' blood

was shed

for you

and for me

because God

is faithful

to his people.

Amen.

I'm going to call

the musicians back up

as they're coming

back up

I don't know

if

you've never heard

any of this stuff

before

I don't know

if you're not a believer

I don't know

if you've never

given God

a second thought

and I won't

lay out a full

thing for you here

but I'll just say

what do you have

faith in?

Is it your own

efforts?

Is it your own

energies?

Is it your own

strengths?

Or will you come

to the faithful one

to the rock

of ages

who never

changes?

Let's pray.

Father

what's been said

this morning

I pray that

if any of it

has not pleased you

or has offended you

that you would

blot it from our minds

and that you would

simply help us

to recall that

which would give you

glory and honor.

Help us Lord

when we're weak

and we stumble

and we're ungracious

and unloving

and unfaithful

to one another.

Help us to focus

our minds

on your son

who came

so that we might live

that we might have

abundant life.

Give us confidence

that you who began

a good work in us

will bring it to completion

on the day of Christ Jesus.

So be with us we pray.

Be with the marriages

in this church

where there is one spouse

who does not believe.

Give the believing spouse

the patience

and the humility

and the kindness

to just keep going

even when it seems

fruitless and hopeless

because we know

that you work

through these means

to save your people.

Touch the hearts

of those who don't believe.

Soften their hearts

and break down

their barriers

so that they might

approach your throne

and call on your name.

Be with all of us Lord

in our work,

at school,

in our homes,

wherever we have

loved ones

and friends

and colleagues

who are not believers.

Help us to simply

love them

as you loved us

and to show them

what that love looks like.

And be with us Lord

as we close in song

this community

of believers.

Help us to elevate

our voices

and our souls

and our souls

to commune with you

and to give you glory

because ultimately

you are the faithful one.

That you will not let anything

pluck us from your hand.

We pray all this

in Jesus name.

Amen.

Would you please stand

and we'll sing

Faithful One.

Amen.