Loving Difficult People | The People Experiment

Well, hello, Westside.

How are you guys today?

It is so good to be with you.

If I've not met you yet, my name is Pastor Steve Rady, and I'm the outreach pastor here.

And I am so excited to be here with you as we continue our series, The People Experiment.

Want to welcome you guys online.

It's no reason that I got chose to speak today because the title of today's message is Loving Difficult People.

And I think I'm one of the top of the list, at least I think that's what the pastors voted.

So here you have to hear me today.

So I am excited.

You know what?

I think if we're honest, most of us, anyway, love people.

That is until people start acting like people.

Yeah.

So today's message is for all of us.

Because I know that all of us have that one person, whether it's at work or at home, uh a sibling, there's one relationship that just seems to be more difficult than all the others.

So I'm going to give you the takeaway right up front.

So if you want to just write this next part of the note in your notes and take off and go, I get it, I get it.

So I'm going to let you cheat.

The people we often avoid often reveal the places God wants to grow us.

That's what we want to take away today is recognizing that.

So how many of you have ever looked at your phone, receiving a phone call, and you see a name pop up, and you're like, oh Lord, give me strength.

Some of us are like, not today, Satan.

And if that person is sitting next to you, do not point them out.

That would not be nice.

Okay, so don't so don't do that.

Don't do that.

But we've all had that person that showed up on the phone or showed up in our life, whether it's a coworker, an ex, a neighbor, a family member, a sibling, or in my wife's case, sometimes when I call, she's like, not today.

No, I'm just kidding.

She would never say that.

She wouldn't say that.

In fact, she told me, don't say that.

You make me look so mean when I come up.

She's sitting over there, so I, you know, I may need to sleep on the couch tonight.

But anyway, it was funny.

So, you know, some of us got up and we had a text this morning before we even opened the text.

Our blood pressure went through the roof, just seeing the name, right?

So that happens in life because there's always someone.

And loving people is easy when they're lovable, right?

Isn't that the easy way to do it?

But anybody can do that.

But Jesus calls us to a different standard.

He calls us to love like him.

And that's where our experiment today begins.

See, John is writing to people who claim to already know God.

In fact, they claim to be walking in God's light.

And so John keeps bringing them back to this one question: Does the way you live match the thing you claim?

So that's what he brings us back to.

Because Christianity isn't just what comes out of my mouth, it's what comes out of my heart.

So our passage in 1 John chapter 2, 7 through 11 is the verses.

1 John 2 · chapter mention

John explains that the command of love is an old command, but also a new one.

And that love is the evidence of walking in the light of God.

But hatred belongs to darkness.

And one important detail that I want to I want to make sure we understand is John is actually addressing specifically a group of believers.

Okay, he's talking to the people of his church, he's talking to the people that he's closest with.

Okay, he's coming from a place of love.

He's like, hey, I'm seeing this happen, guys.

We need to take heed, right?

But here's the thing: Jesus calls us to also love our neighbors and to love our enemies.

So the the love of Christ should shape how we treat people both in the church and especially the people outside the church.

So today we're going to be looking at three truths.

So if you have your notes and you want to follow along, the first thing is this love received changes me.

See, Jesus didn't lower the standard, Jesus actually set the standard.

He became the standard.

And what we find is that you cannot consistently give away a love that you have not personally fully received.

And that's what John is talking about here.

He goes on in verse 7, he starts out this way he says, Dear friends, right?

So he's like, hey guys, I know you're my people.

Just like I'm talking to you, it's coming from a place of love.

He's like, dear friends, I'm not writing a new commandment for you.

Rather, it is an old one that you have heard from the very beginning.

This old commandment is to love one another.

It is the same message that you've heard before.

But here's where it transitions in verse 8.

He said, Yet it is also new.

Jesus lived the truth of this commandment, and you are also living it.

For the darkness is disappearing, and the true light is already shining.

It can be a little confusing what John's saying there, right?

How can it be old and new at the same time?

How can it be both?

Well, what John's saying is it's old because God's people already have been commanded to love.

Starts at the very beginning of the Old Testament.

They were already told to love their neighbors.

Leviticus 19, 18 says this love your neighbor as what?

As your as yourself, right?

So it was there from the very beginning.

You're supposed to love.

That's what they were told.

But then Jesus comes along and it changes it because he showed us what love looked like.

So the command was old in origin, but it was new now in the expression of Jesus Christ.

Jesus put a new skin on it.

He washed people's feet.

He touched lepers.

He welcomed outsiders.

He pursued broken people.

And he showed mercy to sinners.

Think about that.

He showed mercy to even the person by the likes of Judas.

You know, the one that betrayed him, that sent him to the cross.

He knew what was gonna happen, but he loved him anyway.

He showed him loved anyway.

And here's the here's the great thing about the ending of verse 8 that I think we gotta take note in when John's talking about the darkness.

Lives are being changed in this world.

No matter the evil we see, there is good happening and darkness is shrinking.

And what John's encouraging us is to realize that that light is in us.

If we profess to be a follower of Jesus, that light is inside of us.

It's not something we have to manufacture.

Jesus already did that.

It's something that we carry and it's something that we should show.

So that's what he's saying when he's going over it.

Imagine this.

Imagine trying to learn basketball by reading a book.

You can you can read about dribbling, you can read about passing, you can even read about shooting.

You you may even be able to read some plays like what you're supposed to do when you get out there.

But the fact of the matter is, someone had to get on the court and show you how to do all that.

And that's what John is saying is that Jesus stepped onto our court of life to show us how to love.

And this is why it matters.

Because I want you to think of the hardest person that you know, the toughest, the person that is the most difficult for you.

Now, some of you already started nodding your heads and came up with that name very quickly.

But that's that's what hurt does, right?

You think about the person that hurt you, the person that betrayed you, the person that disappointed you.

Even the person that when they walk in one door and you see them, you turn and you leave through the other so that you can avoid them.

I've seen some of you run out the kids' building, you don't even have kids.

But now I want to bring the focus back to us, back to yourself.

Because here's the thing about Jesus is he knew every failure we were going to make.

He knew every selfish decision that we have made and that we will continue to make.

He knew it.

And he knew every time we would get it wrong, but knowing all of that, he still loves us so much that he chose to go to the cross for us and die for our sins.

See, he didn't wait for us to become lovable, he loved us first.

And when we start to begin to understand that love from Jesus, what that means, and how freely he gave it to us, then it starts to change the way we give love to others.

We don't love people because they're easy to love.

No, we love people because we have been loved by Jesus first.

So here's the thing how do we put it to practice?

Because this world doesn't need more people writing a book or going out and talking about love, right?

No, we need more people with action that is going out and producing it and showing it and following in the footsteps that Jesus showed us how to do.

See, because I think we all believe in love until someone cuts us off in traffic, amen.

I am a patient Christian.

I think I'm perfect until I get in the fast lane and someone's in front of me, and they're actually going the speed limit.

If that's you, get out of the way.

I'm telling you, for a lot of people.

Nothing reveals the condition of my heart quite like being on 217 at rush hour.

I think you could get a sack lunch and sit on the side of the road and just watch all the stupid decisions that people make, right?

But that's the thing.

Sometimes we don't discover the condition of our heart when life is going right, right?

Like when there's no one else on the freeway and you're sailing and the sailing is smooth.

That's not when the condition is revealed.

It's revealed the moment someone gets in our way.

Put yourself in that situation when you're trying to get something done and you're on a deadline, and that one person walks up that wants to tell you their whole morning, and they start with, I got up and I made some toast, and I put the toast in the toaster.

And after the toast was out of the toaster, then I put some butter on it.

And you're going, I just want to finish my report.

So here's the question.

So we know how Jesus has loved us.

Can people see and experience that love through us?

Anybody can admire the love of Jesus.

The real question is whether his love is changing the way we live.

And that's what brings us to the second truth.

Our love doesn't earn us salvation, but it does reveal the work of God in our lives.

So, number two is this love given reveals me.

The strongest evidence of faith in my life isn't how much I know, it's how much I show.

It's how I love.

And my love for people is revealed and reveals the identity of my relationship with Jesus.

How I show love to others shows that relationship and where I still need to grow.

In fact, John goes on in verse 9 to say this if anyone claims I am living in the light but hates a fellow believer, that person is still living in darkness.

Right?

And then he tells us anyone who loves a fellow believer is living in the light and does not cause others to stumble.

So he gives us both sides of the equation and he doesn't pull any punches.

He says that claiming to walk in the light while hating someone else is a contradiction.

He tells us that.

Notice what he doesn't ask.

He doesn't ask, how long have you been coming to church?

He doesn't ask, how much scripture do you know?

Or how many Bible studies have you completed.

All those things are valuable, don't get me wrong.

But John brings it closer to home.

He says, How do you treat people?

Because eventually our relationships reveal what's happening in our own hearts.

I'll give you an example.

Raise your hand if you've ever looked at someone or you ever thought of someone, and you're just like, God, you got a lot of work to do in that person.

Right?

Boy, they just need to do this, that, and the other thing.

Okay, and for those of you that didn't raise your hand, you're lying.

I know that you've thought that was someone, so you're not being truthful.

That's okay, I'll give you a pass.

Now, I want you to do this.

Raise your hand if you've ever thought, God, you got a lot of work to do in me.

Well, I'll tell you, your hands went up faster than the other two services we had.

They must have a lot to work on.

But isn't it interesting how we can look at someone else and we can see all the things that they need to change?

But then when it comes to ourselves, it's it's harder for us to examine our own heart.

Right?

It's hard for us to go, oh, this is this is what's going on.

That gets a lot harder.

But here's the thing: Jesus said the same thing that John said.

In in John 13, 35, he says, your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.

See, he's calling right now.

It's proof.

I didn't do it.

It's not your church attendance, it's not the bumper sticker that you have on your car, and it's not your Bible app streak.

Although I'm really excited.

Mine's at 381 right now.

I'm almost to 400.

But that's not what Jesus is saying.

Proves that you're his disciple.

You know what he's saying?

Your love.

Your love is the proof.

So let me be clear.

We are not saved because we love people well.

That's not where our salvation comes up.

We're saved by God's grace through faith in Jesus Christ.

But that grace that saves us also is the same thing that begins to change us.

See, love doesn't earn our salvation.

Love is one of the ways in life that it's revealed that we have Jesus in it.

And here's the thing, I'm gonna let you off.

We're not going to always love perfectly.

That's not what he's saying.

But as we grow in Christ, as Christ works in our lives, his love should increasingly shape how we treat others.

And you know the people that should notice are the same people in your lives that you're pretty quick to show anger, frustration, all those things too, the people closest to you.

Those are also the same people that should notice the difference that Jesus is making in your life.

Your spouse, your children, your co-workers.

Those are the people that should see that light.

Because here's the thing about faith, it's invisible.

Love.

Jesus says, the way you love is what shows what faith is all about.

And it makes faith visible to others, or they can go, I want to have what they have.

I want my life to change like that.

And let's let's face it, some people are really easy to love.

In fact, some people are a spiritual gift to love, right?

They're they're easy.

We're not talking about those people because you don't need the Holy Spirit to love puppies.

You can see a puppy and you just love a puppy, but you need the Holy Spirit to love that difficult person.

He said, I don't think wow, we're getting a lot.

Okay, I'll change that.

Sorry, I'll go with a different point.

Most of us don't struggle with loving everybody.

We struggle with loving that one person, you know, the one who hurt us, the one who betrayed us, the one who disappointed us, or the one whose conversation that you had weeks ago is still replaying in your mind.

And that's where this gets serious.

Because when we refuse to honestly deal with our hurt, that hurt then begins to shape our hearts, and that's what John is warning us from.

See, John doesn't treat hatred as a small thing because what we carry in our hearts eventually shows up in the way and how we live our lives.

So that brings us to number three is love withheld blinds me.

So what happens if if when I hold on to the hurt, guess what?

Guess what the hurts does?

Hurt starts gripping me, doesn't it?

Starts holding on to me back.

And the person that I refuse to forgive eventually affects how I see everybody else.

And that's what John is saying in verse 11.

He said, But anyone who hates a fellow believer is still living and walking in darkness.

Such a person does not know the way to go, having been blinded by the darkness.

See, John is telling us that hatred doesn't just damage relationships, it blinds us on how we see other people.

Think about this.

I'll give you an example.

Uh, who's who's ever coached a sport or been to a sports game, their kids played sports, or nephew, yeah?

You've all been there.

And there's always that one parent, right?

There's that one person that thinks they know more than the referees that are out on the court.

You know, the guy that starts arguing in the first quarter, you're like, it's the first quarter.

And then they start knowing more than the coach, and they start calling out plays, and you're like, what is going on?

At first it's funny.

First, you're like, that's yeah, look at that guy go.

And then all of a sudden it becomes irritating, and then it becomes frustrating.

And then some of us, I'm not, I'm not admitting to this, God, this will be between God and me.

But some of us start joining in, yeah, ref, that was a bad call.

Aloha high school football.

But that's what happens is we start assuming the worst, we see that person, and we're all ready to go with the next game.

Like, all right, I'm gonna sit next to them.

So they start, it it what's happening with them starts changing what's happening in us, right?

That's what that hurt, that's what that anger, that's what that bitterness starts to do.

And it and it changes what's happening inside of me, and that's where John's concern comes in.

Have you ever driven through Oregon thick fog?

Yeah?

At first, it starts like, oh, look, there's a little fluffy cloud on the ground, and you're you're driving in, it's not so bad, you can see, and then all of a sudden you're gripping the steering wheel and your your knuckles are getting white, and then by the time you're really in it, you're leaning forward and you're about six inches away from the windshield, like it's gonna help you see better.

We've all been there.

It doesn't help, just so you know.

But bitterness doesn't always eliminate our vision, and that's what I'm I that's what John is helping us understand is is bitterness doesn't mean you're not able to see, it just distorts the vision, it makes it where you can't see clearly.

So think about that one offense, one wound, one disappointment or grudge.

Let's put it this way have you ever noticed how someone from years ago still affects your emotions today?

That person's name comes up, and the hairs, you know, the little ones I have right here, the back that's the only hairs I have left.

Um they start to stand up when you hear their name.

From years ago.

Long after they're supposed to be out of our lives.

It still comes up that hurt.

And here's the thing about bitterness is it rarely introduces itself as bitterness.

Rarely says, hey, I'm bitter.

No, it a lot of times it reveals itself to us as justice.

It calls itself justice.

You say, I'm not bitter, I'm just not going to let them get away with that.

And that's where we struggle with it.

But I want you to hear me carefully.

Being hurt is not the same thing as being hateful.

Some wounds do take time to heal.

Forgiveness doesn't mean pretending what happened was okay.

You can still acknowledge your pain while seeking help and establishing healthy boundaries and then praying to God to keep bitterness from taking root in your lives.

See, the goal isn't to deny the pain that's going to happen.

The goal is to keep your pain from defining who you are.

And I tell you, I have seen this kind of transformation up close.

My dad was an angry dad.

He was the King James version of the Bible growing up.

That's the rough version, just in case you were wondering.

He was hard.

He was hard to read.

He was hard to understand at times.

Like, where are you coming from?

He was quick to react.

But when I I learned his story, I began to understand him a little bit differently.

See, my dad's dad died when he was 18.

So my dad's responsibility was then to take care of his mom and his siblings.

They lived in a chicken coop.

That kind of weight changes a person.

I'm 12 years younger than my oldest brother, and there's two sisters in between.

And often the joke is that I had a different dad than they did.

But the fact of the matter is he was the same person.

It wasn't who he was, but it was God's work and his life that over time he started to allow to change him.

And it was what God was doing in him.

It was God softening his heart.

It was God taking what was hard and making it softer.

Because there was this shift when he became a grandfather.

My dad loved differently.

He loved better.

He loved stronger.

He was getting it.

He was getting that his love, because he loved Jesus.

Needed to come through on how he loved others.

And that's what grace does.

It doesn't eliminate our past.

No, it redeems it.

It makes it better.

It takes that thing that's hard and makes it tender.

And that's what he did on my dad's heart.

He turned the anger into compassion.

And maybe that's what some of us needed to hear today.

Because the bricks that we're carrying through life aren't just our own.

Some of those are inherited, some of those are learned behavior.

They're the weight of old wounds, old disappointments.

But here's the thing: God's love can break that cycle.

Because we have to ask ourselves, what are we carrying?

Because sometimes that hurt that we've left out there, that we've left unattended, that we haven't addressed, becomes a burden we carry into every other relationship.

Take that hurt, and that's the thorn and our sign.

That that's the thing that starts it.

It's a wound.

And usually what happens, and I'm guilty of this, is I take this hurt and I'm like, I don't want anybody else to see it, so I I'm it's okay.

I'm okay.

No one needs to know.

And I start living life carrying this hurt, and I don't address it, I just bury it.

And then what happens in our life is that hurt changes, and it changes into anger.

You're frustrated because you're you're not dealing with the thing that's in your side, and so it's annoying you.

And then you become angry, and you're like, that wasn't right.

What happened to me wasn't right, and so then you put it in there with the hurt, and you're carrying that, and then we keep replaying it, and that becomes resentment, and that's when things start to get heavy, and we don't even recognize that that's what's happening in our lives, and we replay it and we let bitterness start to grow, and it starts taking root.

And we're like, oh, I need some, yeah, this isn't too bad.

I think I can still do this on my own.

I don't need help.

I can carry this, and we put it in, trying to hide and disguise what's actually going on.

And here's what John warns us is what happens is and it leads to our blindness.

Because now this stuff that we're carrying, this hurt, this pain, this resentment, this bitterness is now distorting the way that we can move freely.

I can't see my notes, I can't see my feet, I can't see what the path is, and and eventually we become exhausted, not from what we're facing in life, but because of what we refuse to give to God, what is his, what he wants to deal with.

Ephesians 4 31 says this get rid of all bitterness.

God's telling us, get rid of it, put it down, release it, get rid of the rage, get rid of the anger, get rid of the harsh words, be kind to each other, loving one another, tender-hearted, and and forgive.

Forgive each other, and that's when we start becoming free of it.

And that's what that's what he's calling us to do.

And the reason why is because Christ loved us first.

We don't forgive because the offense wasn't insignificant, we forgive because we have received a grace that we can never earn ourselves.

So are you preserving the hurt?

Are you carrying it?

Are you asking yourself that question?

Remember a conversation a pastor had with a guy, and he said, he said, Hey, did you forgive that person?

The guy's like, Yeah, absolutely I forgave him.

He's all proud of himself, and then went on for 20 minutes to recount the story of what happened, the dates, the time, the people that were around.

And the pastor's like, I don't think you, I don't think you preserved the I think you preserved the offense better than you did the forgiveness.

I think you missed it.

But isn't that how we do when we carry this bricks?

When we think we release it, we archive it, we we keep it stored, we keep playing it, we rehearse it, and every time we replay it, we allow that bitterness to crawl back into the bag of what we're carrying.

So, are you working towards the healing?

Or are you working to keep the wound alive?

See, you may not be able to go back and change what happened.

My dad couldn't go back and change that his dad died when he was 18.

He couldn't go back and change that.

You may not be able to go back and get the apology you deserve.

That person may not even be around.

You heard Bart's recant of the person coming up and saying sorry, he doesn't even know what he was sorry for.

But that guy had been carrying that hurt and that pain.

See, forgiveness doesn't all automatically restore trust, and it doesn't require you to return to unsafe conditions, but it's refusing to let hatred rule your heart while you're pursuing being Christ-like.

That's what John's saying.

Trust in Jesus, trust in the light that's in you.

Lean on that power.

And here's the good news because God doesn't simply just tell us to put down the bricks and leave us to do it on our own strength.

No, what he did is he shows us his love in Jesus by giving us his son to die on a cross to pay for the sins that we could never repay.

That's what he did.

Because Jesus did exactly what John was talking about.

When Jesus was betrayed, how did he respond?

He loved.

When he was abandoned, he loved.

When he was mocked, he loved.

Even when he was crucified, he still loved.

He chose to go up on that cross.

And while he was up here, while he was being put through all of that, he cried out to his father.

He said, Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.

He's praying for the people that were putting the spear in his side.

That's the love that he brings.

That's what he's done for us.

He didn't pretend injustice was acceptable.

No, he showed us the depth of his love for us.

See, here's the thing that makes gospel personal is that we are not just the people struggling to love.

I am not just the person struggling to love others.

We are also the difficult people that someone else is struggling to love.

We've failed people, we've disappointed them, we've let them down, and we've needed the grace that we can only find through Jesus Christ.

And that's why Romans 5.8 is so beautiful when it says, but God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners, while we were still unlovable, while we didn't deserve it.

He loved us first.

That's our model, that's our motivation, that's where our hope comes from.

And maybe you spent this entire message thinking about that one person's name.

What if God's not trying to change them first?

What if God's trying to change you?

What if God's inviting you to come to him and bring your heart before him?

That's what he's doing.

So maybe your next step is forgiveness.

Or maybe it's telling someone and going to them and saying, You're sorry, and repenting.

And maybe for some of us it's a deeper issue that we've turned away from God or we have not yet allowed ourselves to personally receive his love.

See, the gospel didn't just tell us to love differently.

What it did is it gave us a savior who makes us different.

So if you've never put your trust in him or you're ready to turn back to him, you can respond today.

And here's the thing the words that you say are not magic.

What matters is that you're turning to him, that you're turning to Jesus in faith, and you're trusting his death and his resurrection and your send, so you're surrendering all these things to him.

That's what matters.

And you can pray that prayer right now as we bow our heads.

Jesus, we're so thankful that we get to be here and feel your love.

And for those that are ready to turn back to you or to receive you for the first time, you can say this, Jesus, I give you my life.

Thank you for saving me.

I believe in you, your life, your death on the cross, and your resurrection.

Forgive me of my sins.

Fill me with your Holy Spirit and lead me to teach me to follow you.

Now, while our heads are bowed and our eyes are closed, if you just said that prayer, if you just turned back to Jesus, if you just accepted him in your heart for the first time, would you be bold enough to raise your hand?

Would you let me know?

God bless you.

God bless you.

God bless you.

God, we're so grateful for the lives changed and that we can lean on your love.

That you gave it to us first, God.

And we're so grateful for the decisions that were just made to become part of your family and come back to you and let those bricks of life down to give them to you.

God, we're so grateful in Jesus' name.

I pray, amen.

So here's the deal: the challenge becomes different now, right?

What we have to ask ourselves is what does his love look like through the way we live this week?

See, the gospel doesn't just save us, it actually sends us.

It tells us we need to go out, not to go back and try to win every argument, although that can feel good sometimes, but that's not it.

Not to force every relationship back together and not to excuse any wrongdoing, but to live as people who have received the love of Jesus Christ.

So here's your challenge this week as we go to our experiment.

Like it says in the back, where are you now?

What do you want to change?

What could you try?

Here's my suggestion.

And it's easy.

I don't want you leaving out of here with 10 names.

I want you leaving out of here with just one.

Just pick one.

Ask yourself, who are you avoiding?

Who makes you run through the kids' building?

Who are you resentful for?

Or where is God asking you to grow?

And then take one step.

And maybe that's prayer.

Maybe that's asking for forgiveness.

Maybe that's just even sending a text.

Maybe that's your next step.

And then do it this week.

Don't wait.

So one person, one step, one week.

Ask God to change you.

Because again, I gave it to you at the very beginning.

If we remember one thing and we take away one thing from today, that often that person that God's put in our life that is difficult or that we try to avoid is often the place where God is revealing to us the place he wants us to grow the most.

See, the miracle isn't that that uh that people change.

No, the miracle is that God changes us.

And that's where his light shines.

Let's pray.

Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for today.

Thank you that we got to come to your word, God, and we got to hear from you.

We got to realize that we need to change our lives because you loved us and you continue to love us.

God, and I just ask that for those of us that are carrying that hurt, that haven't dealt with some of that stuff, that resentment and bitterness, God, that you help us release it to you so that we can be free of those bricks.

So that we can continue to be better people to others, so that your light shines brightly through us.

God, we thank you for the gift that you are.

In Jesus' name I pray, amen.