Dating 101 (1 Corinthians 10:31) | Louis Azuma

we're talking about dating.

So this is gonna be a lot of fun.

Um, now, I don't know if you've ever gotten, uh, dating advice before,

um, but there's a lot of people out there giving dating advice.

I asked the internet, and apparently there are 16,000 podcasts about

relationships on Apple Podcasts.

Um, and that's only the active ones.

There's 54,000 podcasts about relationships.

So there's a lot of people that wanna tell you how to relate to someone.

I don't know if they're about marriage, I don't know if they're about dating, I

don't know if they're about friendships, but in the relationships category,

there's, there's a lot of words.

I think about how many minutes that is, how many hours or days that is

of just people talking about dating.

And there's even a lot of Christians that give dating advice

and, uh, I read about this guy.

He put together all of the dating advice he received from Christians, and it

looked like this, and I just want you to see how kinda funny this is, okay?

Um, so the first piece of advice he got was, "Date for at least a year."

But then he also got the advice, "Don't date for more than a year."

He got the advice, "Don't kiss before marriage," but he also said, someone

else told him, "How can you know you have chemistry unless you kiss them?"

And then one person told him, "You should date lots of

people before you get serious."

And then someone else told him, "You shouldn't date anyone unless

you're ready to marry them."

And so these are all paired up, I hope you notice.

Um, they contradict each other, right?

These are all opposites.

So even Christians say some weird things about dating.

Even Christians don't really seem to have a very clear idea of what

you should do when you date, right?

Spend a lot of time together, but be careful how much time you spend together.

Date in groups.

Hang out with your friends.

Don't just go one-on-one.

But then also, make sure you get a lot of one-on-one time 'cause

you're dating for marriage, right?

So there's all sorts of advice you can get.

And so what we're gonna do is we're gonna try to figure out in the next few

weeks, uh, what God says about dating.

So what we're gonna do to start out is we're gonna zoom way out.

We're gonna zoom out all the way.

You guys don't have to copy my hand motions, okay?

Um, we're gonna go way out, and we're gonna start from,

like, the very basics, okay?

I don't know if … There's a, there's a famous football coach.

He used to start training camp every year.

He would say, "This is a football."

Right?

We're gonna, we're gonna go very basic.

We're gonna zoom all the way out, and we're gonna just start

with what, what's even the point?

What's dating?

What's the point?

Why do people do it?

And we're gonna see what the Bible says, okay?

So, uh, we're gonna be start in 1 Corinthians, okay?

We're gonna start in 1 Corinthians, and we're gonna go to chapter 10.

So if you're not already there, turn there in your Bible.

It's a very short verse that you've probably heard before.

Um, but I think this is one of the most important verses that you can think

about when you think about dating, okay?

1 Corinthians 10:31.

1 Corinthians 10:31

Here's what it says.

"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God."

You've probably heard that before, but I want you to really think about this, okay?

Uh, what's all mean?

It's not a trick question, right?

All means everything.

So all includes dating, right?

So even something that maybe you'd say, "Oh, well, it's not in the Bible," right?

There's no one dating anyone in the Bible.

Well, all includes dating, right?

All- it includes a lot of other stuff.

It includes what you eat, what you drink, right?

But it in- also includes dating.

So if we're gonna zoom way out, well, what's the point of dating?

Well, how do we wanna date?

We wanna glorify God, right?

Dating is first and foremost something we do for God, okay?

And that's our first point tonight.

One, dating is for God.

Dating is for God.

The most important person in your dating is not you.

It's not who you date.

It's God

And you might not have ever thought about that before.

I don't think an- many of the 16,000 Apple podcasts about dating are gonna

tell you that, that the most important person in your dating relationship is God.

But that's where you start, right?

If, if everything is really supposed to be for God, well then,

of course, that includes dating.

There's another verse that I thought would be helpful for you guys to see.

It's Romans 11:36.

Romans 11:36

Him in this verse is God.

So it says, "For from him and through him and to him are all things."

Okay, so from him, that means it's from God.

So God invented everything, right?

God knew dating was gonna exist.

When God wrote the Bible, he knew that people were gonna date, right?

He knew that people in Prosper, Texas, were going to, to date each other, right?

And hold hands and go to get ice cream together and watch movies

and hang out and call each other babe and do all this stuff, right?

And put a heart next to their contact and all that, right?

He knew people were gonna do that.

Through him, right?

God sustains everything.

If God stopped holding things together, they wouldn't happen anymore, right?

So even, even the reason that people can date is 'cause God's

keeping them alive, right?

Even if you're not a Christian, God is keeping you alive to do

the things that you're doing.

And to him are all things.

So everything is supposed to be about God So when we, in all things again, right?

That includes dating.

And the point of all of it, to him be glory, right?

We're, we're dating to make God look great.

That's really what we're here for.

So your primary goal in dating is to make God look great.

That's your goal when you date, if you date, right?

You don't even have to date.

But the primary goal in your dating is this is about God,

so I wanna make God look great.

That's our zoom way out foundation, is the most important person in my dating is God.

Right?

God owns your dating life.

Even if you're not a Christian, God owns your dating life.

God owns your body.

He owns…

He, He's in charge of the things you do with your body, the things that

you decide, you and your girlfriend or boyfriend decide to do together.

God owns that, right?

God made you.

God gave you your body.

So God owns that.

He's in charge of that.

And so what we wanna do is say, "Okay, this is…

We wanna make this about God.

It's for God, and it's about God."

And if you are a Christian, dating and marriage is really just part

of your relationship with God.

Sometimes I think when we think about dating, well, the Bible doesn't

really say much about dating, so we take dating and we put it, like,

outside of our relationship with God.

Well, my, my relationship with God is over here, and then dating

is this thing I just kinda do.

Well, that's not how anything as a Christian works, whether it's your

sport, whether it's dating, whether it's your friendships, no matter what it is.

Everything is part of your relationship with God 'cause

everything's about God, right?

If you're, especially if you're a Christian.

Everything in your life, you're, you're saying, "I want this to all be about God."

Right?

So that should include the way you date.

So if you think about this, dating is really something that needs to come

underneath your main goal in life, right?

If you're a Christian, your main goal in life is love the Lord your

God with all your heart, right?

Great commandment and great commission, make disciples.

Right?

I want to love Jesus, and I wanna help other people love Jesus.

That's your, that's your goal in life is I wanna, I wanna love Jesus, and

I wanna help other people love Jesus.

That's what making disciples means, right?

Is I'm, I'm coming alongside them and helping them love Jesus.

So dating has to s- come alongside under that.

So if you're saying, "Okay, I, I'm, I wanna date.

I'm a Christian.

How do I do it?"

Well, dating has to be part of what you're already doing It's kinda

like a lot of pro athletes, right?

Their whole life is about their sport.

And so they take everything in their life and they say, "Well, if this doesn't help

me be, you know, the champion or the MVP or whatever, then I'm not gonna do it."

Right?

So they, they cut food out of their life, they cut people out of their life.

A lot of these athletes, they, some of them have terrible relationships, right?

Like Tom Brady, he got divorced 'cause his wife was like, "I want you to retire."

He's like, "Sorry, I'm not doing it."

And she's like, "Well, I'm leaving," right?

Because he put everything into his mission.

His mission was he wanted to be the best quarterback, right?

And he wanted to win a lot of Super Bowls.

And everything in his life was about that thing, which again, he picked the wrong,

uh, uh, something that wasn't worth it.

Uh, like I think now he'd probably be like, "Well, I'd, I'd trade a, a, a real

family for at least a few Super Bowls."

But all that to say is if you're a Christian, everything in your life comes

under that, "Okay, I wanna love Jesus and I wanna help other people love Jesus."

And so the way you date s- has to go along with those things.

Does that make sense?

So that's our starting point, right, is dating is not a separate

thing that you do over here and then the rest of your life is about

loving Jesus and loving God, right?

It's also can't be a competition.

Sometimes that happens.

It's, "Well, I wanna love Jesus, but dating takes up a lot of…

It distracts me from that sometimes."

Right?

If that's happening, then you're not doing it right.

C- right?

'Cause then your dating's not about God.

Your dating's become separate.

It's, it's actually competing against God.

So dating has to be about God, right?

It's an expression of my relationship with God.

It's not separate.

It's not, you know, well, occasionally some of it is godly.

The whole thing has to be connected to my relationship with God, right?

The things we choose to, to do, right?

The places we choose to go, the things we talk about, right?

The, even the attitudes we have, what we're trying to accomplish when

we date, it all has to do with God.

There's nothing secular about the way you should date because it's all about God.

Now, what's the point of dating, right?

Well, glorify God specifically, right?

'Cause you, you don't have to date to glorify God.

You can glorify God just fine without dating, right?

Jesus lived a perfect life and didn't go on any dates, right?

Uh, the Apostle Paul wasn't married, so he glorified God really well,

and he didn't date either, right?

So you don't have to.

So why would you date to glorify God?

Well, the reason you would date to glorify God is because of what dating

is for, and that's our second point.

Dating is for marriage.

Dating is for marriage

Again, you don't have to date to glorify God.

So if you're saying, "Well, why would I date to glorify God?"

Well, it's because you'd want to get married.

That's, that's the reason you sh- and now this is different than your,

than what a lot of people would say.

A lot of people will tell you that dating is something you should do

for fun, or dating is something you should do because it's just what you

do, or dating is something you should do because you like them and they

like you, so you have to start dating.

It's not true, by the way.

Just because you like someone and they like you does not

mean you have to start dating.

You, that's totally okay.

You don't need to start dating.

And when I was in middle school, it felt like that, right?

It felt like, "Oh, I have to start dating 'cause they like me, and I, I

kinda like them, so we have to start."

It's like, no, you don't have to do that

So dating is for marriage.

And again, what's marriage about?

Well, marriage is about God.

Right?

God invented marriage.

God made marriage.

Um, God really cares about marriage.

And this probably isn't the verse that you thought would come up in a dating sermon.

Maybe you did think it would come up.

But in the Book of Hebrews 13:4, God says something that shows he

Hebrews 13:4

really cares about marriage, okay?

He says, "Let the, let marriage be held in honor before, uh, among all.

And let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the

sexually immoral and adulterous."

Now, I just want you to focus on this first part and then that comma, right?

"Let marriage be held in honor among all."

So currently, none of you students are married.

But who's all?

Right, that includes you guys, right?

So even if you're not married, God is saying you need to honor marriage.

You need to respect marriage

And so what that means is that dating is … If, if God cares this much

about marriage, well then God is gonna care about your dating too, because

dating is what you do on your way to getting married usually, right?

At least in our culture.

Some cultures you don't date, right?

Some cultures you just get married, and then you figure it out from there.

Um, and you can praise God that you don't live in that type of culture.

But most people throughout all of history have not dated, right?

Dating, most, most people throughout history, like when you get to heaven

and talk to people, most people you talk to didn't go on dates before

they got married, which maybe that's something crazy for you to think about.

But, um, God really cares about marriage, right?

And so in your dating, you want to respect marriage.

You wanna honor marriage, right?

You wanna make marriage the highlight.

So how do you do that when you date?

Well, you think about it like this.

Dating is a pathway, not a destination.

Right?

Dating is a pathway, not a destination.

Dating is not the goal of dating.

The goal of dating is not to have a girlfriend or have a boyfriend.

The goal of dating is not to be in a relationship.

The girl- the goal of dating is not to have someone love you.

The goal of dating is not to do fun things.

The goal of dating is not to not be lonely anymore, right?

The goal of dating is, it's, it's to go somewhere

Um, Shay and I, when we got married, we were blessed to go on a honeymoon

right after, and we got to go to Hawaii.

It was awesome.

It was really cool.

I want you to imagine on our way to Hawaii, we spent a ton of

money on, like, our plane ticket.

We got, like, the nicest plane.

We got, like, a private jet.

We got all sorts of, like, cool food service on the plane.

We got all sorts of, like, awesome things.

We, you know, we, we had the, the just, like, you know, think of

everything you'd want in a private jet, and, like, we had that.

Imagine that, okay?

But then when we get to Hawaii, we're, like, in a tent on the

side of the road, and we're just

We- we're in Hawaii, but, like, we already spent all our money on the plane and all

the cool stuff on the plane, so we ran out of money by the time we got to Hawaii.

Imagine we did that, right?

You'd be like, "You're so dumb."

Right?

The point of your trip was Hawaii.

The point of your trip was not the plane, but you blew all

your money on the plane ride.

I don't want you to do that when you date.

Right?

Dating is just the plane ride.

Marriage is Hawaii.

Right?

Don't blow all your money on the plane ride.

And what I mean by that is you wanna date in a way that serves marriage.

You wanna date in a way that protects marriage.

You wanna date in a way that makes marriage awesome.

You don't want to date in a way that steals money from your future marriage.

Right?

You don't wanna date in a way that's, uh, in a sense, the way every dollar

we spent on our plane ticket was a dollar we didn't spend in Hawaii.

So you wanna date in a way that promotes a good marriage, right?

You wanna date in a way that sets up a really good marriage.

'Cause ultimately, right, hopefully, you're married for way

longer than you dated for, right?

Ideally, that's what happens.

And so you wanna date in a way that, that makes your marriage great.

You wanna date in a way that-

Saves money for marriage rather than steals money from

marriage, if that makes sense.

And again, your goal in marriage is to make Jesus look great, right?

To love Jesus and to help other people love Jesus.

So when you date, I want you to think about marriage, which

kinda sounds weird, right?

Especially if you're on the younger side in this room.

You're like, "Why am I thinking about marriage?"

Well, dating and marriage are related, right?

No one goes to the airport just to go to the airport, right?

No one's like, "Oh, yeah, the airport's so cool.

I just wanna walk around the airport and hang out in the airport for

five years, and then I'll get on the plane and I'll, I'll go," right?

Right, dating is part of … It's just the journey, right?

It's, it's not where you're going.

And so if your focus is on just making your airport

experience really great, right?

You get your, you know, you get your, what's that?

Admirals Club thing, and you, you know, you stay at the airport

forever and all this stuff, right?

You're, you're focused on the, like, the, the wrong thing, right?

And then so you wanna travel in a way that makes your trip great.

So there's a lot of bad thoughts you can have about marriage and dating, but

there's also a lot of good thoughts you can have about marriage and dating, okay?

So I want you to think about marriage, but I also want you to think about

marriage the right way, okay?

So when you think about marriage while you're dating, there

are some bad thoughts, okay?

Here are some bad thoughts.

You can treat your girlfriend, boyfriend like your spouse, right?

That's a bad way to date.

That's a bad way to think about marriage while you're dating, right?

Maybe what you do is you marry them in your head before

you're actually married, right?

That's not a good way to date with marriage in mind.

Maybe you're like, "Well, yeah, we're, we're already, you know, planning out

our, all our kids, and we already picked a house, and we already did all this

stuff together while we're dating.

W- we're preparing for marriage," right?

Bad idea, right?

Don't let your head marry them before you actually can, or your heart, right?

Um, you can also treat them like your spouse, right?

There's physical ways you can treat them like your spouse that you sh-

obviously shouldn't do, and you know that.

But emotional ways, you can treat them like your spouse,

too, before you're married.

Right?

You can, uh, y- I'm sure you've all have seen that, right?

The … Most people, when they start dating, they disappear.

Especially if you're a high schooler, you know this, right?

Most people, when they start dating, they're, they're, they, they

can't hang out with you anymore.

They're not free anymore.

E- they're just, they're gone.

You're like, "Where are th-" "Oh, they started dating."

Everyone's like, "Oh, okay."

Right?

When you start dating, you can start isolating in a

way that's unhelpful, right?

And if that's, maybe you say, "Well, yeah, we're trying to, we're trying to figure

out if we should get married, so we gotta spend all this time together," right?

Well, that's one way you could date in a way that's

You're thinking about marriage, but it's not good, right?

Or maybe emotionally you're so dependent on this one person, right?

Your boyfriend or your girlfriend, they're just the person you

go to with all your problems.

And you're saying, "Well, I need to know if they're, they're a good spouse.

I have to bring them my problems and talk about all the important

stuff and give them all my baggage."

Uh, so we're, we're trying to get ready for marriage.

But you're treating them like your spouse, and they're really not.

Right?

So those are some bad ways you can think about marriage.

Or maybe a bad way you think about marriage when you're dating is

you don't care about marriage.

You have put all your money into the airport.

Maybe the, the, your bad thoughts about marriage while you're dating

are, "Oh, all I care about is dating.

I'm not even thinking about, oh, this person might actually marry someone else.

This person I'm dating is not mine yet."

And so you haven't even thought about dating, and so you're doing things with

them that they're gonna have to tell their future spouse about, and that's

gonna be a really bad conversation.

And so…

Or, and you don't even think about marriage at all, and you're

just like, "Well, I just really like being with this person.

They're fun to hang out with," and you're not even…

It's not even on the radar, "Oh, would this guy be a good dad?

Would this girl be a good mom?"

So maybe the, your bad thoughts about marriage, you don't even

think about marriage at all.

You're totally…

Dating is totally separate from marriage, and that's not a

good way to look at it either.

So what about some good thoughts?

Well, maybe you wanna think about, "How is the way I'm dating right

now gonna impact my future spouse?"

That's a good thought to have about dating, right?

If, let's say you're dating a…

Let's say you're a guy, you're dating a girl.

Could I look her future husband in the eye at their wedding and

say, "Hey, I treated her well.

I respected her.

I honored her"?

Right?

Could you do that?

Or could you do the same thing, ladies, for your future, for

your boyfriend's future wife?

That's, that was right, I think.

Yeah.

Okay.

Um, but yeah, how will this…

Or are, are the things I'm doing with, with my girlfriend or my

boyfriend, how is that gonna h- w- if I tell my spouse about it, and

it's not them, how's that gonna go?

Right?

That's a good thought to have about marriage while you're dating.

Also, you, you wanna think about, you wanna, you wanna tie your

thoughts about marriage to the, the point of your marriage, right?

What's the point of your marriage?

Is it to have a lot of fun and, and do whatever you want?

No, right?

Is it to find someone who can replace Jesus so you can only, you

know, care about that person and, and love that person, and that

person's gonna meet all your needs and, and make your life perfect?

No.

Right?

That's not the point of getting married.

So even thinking about what type of person should I marry, that's a

good thought to have as you date, and even before you date, honestly.

So there's good thoughts we can have about marriage or even about yourself.

Am I ready to be a husband or a wife?

Am I relatively close to being ready?

Well, if you're saying, "I am 10 years away from being a,

a good husband," well, okay.

So if you start dating now, guess what?

In five years you're not gonna be ready to be a good husband, right?

So if you're not relatively close to being a good husband or a good wife,

probably shouldn't start dating, right?

Because otherwise you're gonna be dating for a really long time, and that

person is gonna be like, "Hurry up.

Get ready."

Or you're gonna get married, and you're gonna be like, "Oh, I didn't

know this was gonna be so hard."

Right?

So if you're not, if you aren't ready, then you don't wanna…

Right?

If, if, if you can't afford the, the vacation, don't get on the plane, right?

'Cause you, you can't get out.

So-

There's-- We wanna think about marriage as we date, but again,

there's good thoughts and there's bad thoughts about marriage, right?

We don't wanna pretend we're married when we start dating, but we also want to be

mindful of marriage when we start dating.

Okay?

The last thing that I want you to know about dating has to do with this, right?

Again, well, why are we dating?

We're dating to glorify God.

And how are we gonna glorify God?

We're gonna glorify God by having a marriage that shows that Jesus is great.

That's the point of marriage.

The point of marriage is Jesus loves the church this way, and

I'm gonna love my spouse this way.

That's the point of marriage, is, "Oh, you wanna see how Jesus loves his people?

Watch how I love my spouse."

That's the point of marriage.

Ephesians 5:25-33, right?

Ephesians 5:25–33

The point of marriage is for you to say, "If you don't know what God's

love looks like, watch my family."

That's the point of marriage.

So if that's what's, that's what the point of marriage is, then I need

to date in a way that's gonna help me be that type of person, right?

And find that type of person.

So that shapes our priorities, right?

If we know where we're going, okay, what type of person

am I g- am I gonna look for?

Well, I have a clear mission in mind now, right?

I know I … If my main goal in life is to love God and help other people love

him, then I wanna find someone who's gonna help me do that and who's gonna

be really good at doing that, right?

So having that clear mission is gonna help you date better.

So you gotta know where you're going, right?

So really dating is all about clarity.

Okay?

Clarity.

Now, I also put in parentheses, not closeness.

Okay?

Most people, whether they're Christians or not, most people usually think dating is

about getting really close with someone.

Right?

The point of dating, most people would say, is to spend a lot of time

with this person they really like.

That's what most people say the point of dating is, right?

Oh, they're really pretty, or he's really cute, or she's really nice,

or he's really fun, and so we're gonna spend a lot of time together

and have, and have a great time.

That's usually why people start dating, is I wanna be close with this person

'cause I really like them, right?

Or there's something that … There's … I have a lot of fun with them.

I'm really attracted to them, right?

There's, there's things that I want more of that, and so

I'm gonna be close with them.

That's usually why people start dating

Really, if dating is about marriage and marriage is about

God, then dating is about clarity.

Which clarity, by clarity I mean you're trying to figure out if

you should marry this person.

That's the point of dating.

Um

Some of you have, uh, gone on some college visits or gotten some college letters.

Some of you don't even care about college.

Um, but imagine, so what you do when you're going to college, for those of

you who haven't done this yet, you, uh, usually you go to some college

campuses and you see what it's like.

You're just like, "Is this a place that I'd wanna be for four years," right?

"Is this the type of place that I could live?

Is, you know, what's the food like?

Do they have a Chick-fil-A on campus?

What's the area like?

Um, you know, do the…

What are the people like?

What other sorts of weirdos are going to this school?"

Right?

How is this gonna work?

Especially if it's a Christian school, um, 'cause you're gonna get a lot of

weird Christians and a lot of really cool Christians at the same time.

It's a fun place.

But, um-

Imagine you're going on a college visit.

You're gonna scout out this college, right?

You're trying to decide, should I go to this college?

But the whole point of your college visit, you're just like, "You know what?

I just wanna have the most fun possible on this college visit.

I'm gonna just do all the student things.

I'm gonna go to the basketball game.

I'm gonna, you know, spend the night in the dorms.

I'm gonna go out with the boys.

I'm gonna, you know, hang out in, with the girls.

I'm gonna do all this cool college stuff, 'cause, you know what?

I don't really get to do this.

I'm in high school.

I just wanna live like a college student for a weekend, and I

wanna do all these fun things."

That's how most people date, is I just wanna live like a married person

for a little bit, so I'm just gonna try to enjoy all the married stuff

without actually being married.

That's how most people date.

I don't know if you ever thought about that before.

But most people, they turn the college visit into a party

And I don't want you to do that.

The point of the college visit is, am I gonna go to this college or not?

That's the point of the visit, right?

The point of the visit is to help you decide, am I gonna

go to this school or not?

The point of the college visit is not to live like a college

student and have a ton of fun.

Same way, the point of dating is not to live like a married person

and have a ton of fun and get really close with someone, right?

The point of dating is to figure out, should I marry this person?

So dating is about clarity.

What I mean by that is clarity is you're trying to figure something out.

You're trying to answer a question.

That's the point of dating.

The point of dating is not just to be in love and to, you know, have

fun and watch Disney movies e- even though you're a guy just because,

you know, she likes them, right?

That's not the point of, of dating

Now, there's an important distinction too, right?

It's not whether I want to marry this person, it's whether

I should marry this person.

Very big difference between those two words.

Whether I want to marry this person and whether I should.

Whether I want to is part of whether you should.

You should want to marry the person if you're gonna marry them.

Some people get married 'cause they feel like they have to, or

they feel like, well, there's no other better options out here.

Don't do that.

It's a horrible idea.

But the bigger question is not whether I want to, it's whether I should.

Because again, what's the point of marriage?

The point of marriage is I wanna make God look great.

So again, I'm looking for a person who's gonna help me do that.

I'm looking for a person who's gonna help me make God look great, and

that's the person I should marry.

Again, the point of dating is not just to make your life better.

That's why some people date.

I'm sure some of you feel that.

You wanna date because you think it'll make your life better.

It'll make my life more fun.

It'll make me feel loved.

I'll, I'll feel s- the security of having a relationship.

I won't feel the loneliness of being single anymore.

I'll finally feel like I have respect.

Maybe you don't put it like that, but maybe you're thinking, oh, now

people will, will respect me because someone actually likes me, right?

Or again, there's all of these reasons that people start dating,

and really it's all they just want…

It's for them.

I, I wanna make my life better.

There's something about it that'll make me happy or make me feel better.

Or maybe it's they wanna experience things, right?

Maybe you wanna date because you just wanna have that relationship.

You wanna know what it's like.

You want…

Or maybe there's certain things you wanna do or you want that person to do for you,

a- and you're thinking, "I just wanna…

I want someone to, to care about me as much as a boyfriend is supposed to.

I want, I want someone to, to love me as much as a girlfriend is supposed to."

And again, that's about closeness, and that's really, you're asking that

person to do what a spouse is supposed to do and not what a girlfriend

or boyfriend is supposed to do.

So the goal of dating is not to get as close to marriage as possible, which

usually those are the questions we ask.

Even in a Christian dating series, maybe you thought we were gonna

talk about, oh, how far is too far, and should we kiss, and boundaries,

and, and what all this stuff, right?

And those are sometimes good to talk about.

But those questions are usually I'm trying to experience as much of

marriage as possible before I get married, and that's not why we date

Right?

We don't date to, to get as much of marriage into my single life as I

can before I actually get married.

Or maybe you're scared of the commitment of getting married, or you're…

And, and so you're just gonna date and date forever because you don't wanna

do it, 'cause you don't wanna make that commitment and, and lock yourself in.

And, or you don't trust the person that much.

But they're fi- they're fine to date, they're not fine to marry.

Right?

That's, again, that's not the point of what we're doing.

That's just saying, "I want some of marriage, but not all of it."

And that's not the point of dating either

So real quick, how do I do this, right?

How do I pursue clarity?

We're gonna talk about this a lot more, but just real quick,

you have to know your goal.

We, we mentioned this before.

You have to know what you're dating for.

If you just date because it's fun, you're not gonna be able to do this, or

you're not gonna know what you're doing.

So even before you start dating, you need to know what

you're, what you're looking for.

You need to know who you're supposed to be.

You need to know who you should be with, and also, you need to know what both of

you together are supposed to be doing.

So what you should do before you date, we'll talk about this more I

think next week or the week after, but you should learn what a, what

a marriage is supposed to be like.

'Cause again, if the, if dating is for marriage, then if you don't

know anything about marriage, how are you gonna figure out if you're

supposed to marry that person?

Right?

That's like saying, "Well, I didn't take the class.

I'm gonna take the test and see how I do.

I, I didn't learn anything this whole year, but I'm gonna take the

test, and we'll figure it out."

If you don't know what you're looking for, how are you gonna,

right, how are you gonna do it?

It's like asking a blind person to draw like, oh, draw a blue shark in, you know,

um, swimming through the water and, and they're gonna be like, "I've never…

I don't know what that looks like.

I've never seen it."

So don't date blind and say, "I, I, I don't know what a

marriage is supposed to be like."

And that's why we, we give you, right, that's, that's why you have a church

with godly marriages, so if you're gonna date, you can say, "Here's what

a marriage is supposed to be like.

That's the type of person I'm looking for.

That's the type of person I'm supposed to be."

Right?

And hopefully your parents have that too.

And if they don't, that's okay, right?

That's why you have a church.

There's other people, or there are certain aspects of marriages

that you're like, "I like that.

That makes Jesus look really good," or, "The way they forgive each other, that's

really awesome," or, "The way that she trusts him, that's so good," or, "The way

that he respects her, that's awesome."

So you need to know your goal.

And you, also you need to have the, the, you need to build your…

This is gonna sound weird, but you need to build your attraction to the right

things 'cause sometimes the, what we're looking for in dating is not what we

should be looking for in marriage, right?

Sometimes what we're looking for in dating is someone who's gonna

be really fun, someone who's gonna just do whatever that I wanna do.

They're gonna be okay with all of my problems.

Right?

Well, when you're looking for someone in dating, you should look for the same

things that you're looking for in marriage 'cause again, that's what it's about.

Um, also, you need to let people see your relationship.

You need people to know what your relationship is actually like 'cause

as you date, you get less objective because you like the person more usually.

That's how usually the way dating works.

The longer you're together, the more you like them.

Um-

And so you need to have people who see you and will tell you, "Hey, you know what?

I don't think you guys are a good fit," or, "The way she treats you, or

the way you talk to her isn't good."

Or, "They're h- they're actually preventing you from loving Jesus.

You're- you've become a worse friend since you started dating."

Or, "You're-- You, you don't talk to God anymore since you started dating."

You need people that are gonna tell you that.

And then you also need to ask good questions, and this is kinda like

focusing on the right priorities.

You need to ask good questions, right?

Instead of asking, "Well, how far sh- can we go?

How late can we stay out," right?

Those are helpful to some extent, but more importantly, it's-- You're-- You

need to ask if marriage is about God and dating is about marriage, then you

need to ask questions about God, right?

What does this person believe about God?

How's their Bible reading?

What's their relationship with God look like?

Do they keep their promises?

Are, uh, do they follow through on their word?

How do they spend their money

Do they love other people when they're hard to love?

That's really gonna matter in marriage, 'cause guess what?

Newsflash, we're all hard to love.

So if they're bad at loving their siblings, they're

gonna be bad at loving you

You need to ask marriage-related questions, right?

What type of parent are they gonna be?

Are they patient?

Do they respect me?

Those are the questions you need to ask.

So we'll talk about all that more later.

But dating is about clarity, right?

You're, you're trying to figure out, "Should I marry this person?"

That's really what it's all about.

Because it's about God, right?

I, I wanna glorify God.

I wanna glorify God by having a good marriage, and so I wanna date in a way

that sets up that really good marriage.

And again, you don't have to date.

And that's also … Like, Jesus didn't go on any dates.

Paul didn't go on any dates either.

There's a lot of awesome single people that God says, "Well

done, good and faithful servant."

And you're not any less human, you're not any less Christian, you're not any

worse off because you're not dating.

So the point of this series is not to get you to date.

For some of you, the point of this series is you shouldn't date right

now because you're not ready.

And so, again, this isn't you should date.

This is if you do date, which you don't have to, here's what you

should be thinking about, okay?

Let's pray, then we'll go to small groups.

Heavenly Father, um, you made everything.

You own everything.

Um, your word says that everything belongs to you.

And so I pray that whether we believe that or not, you convince us of that.

Uh, we all need to be reminded that you own us.

You made us.

You made our bodies, you made our minds.

You give us our time.

Um, you hold us together, you keep us alive.

And so I pray that we wouldn't rebel against you, but rather

we would trust you and remember that you're way smarter than us.

You care about us way more than we even care about ourselves.

And so I pray that we would do things your way because you're so good.

So thank you for these students, um, and I pray that you give them the, the wisdom

and the, even just the ability to remember the things that we're talking about.

Um, and we pray that they have great time in small groups.

We pray this in Jesus' name.