Love Handles – Love & Cherish

This podcast is presented to you by Pastor Jason Burns and Access Church in Lakeland, Florida.

For more information, visit Access.tv.

Well, let's get to work today.

Today we're starting a brand new series that I'm excited about.

It's a series called Love Handles.

And um I'm gonna be honest, I came up with that title before I really thought it through.

I just thought it was funny.

And then um, usually in a series, I'd like to give you something portable, something that we can take with us and we can remember, and something just a portable line.

And I was like, what's a good line for love handles?

And I've I've got a few, and I don't know if any of these are good, so we'll just try them all.

How does that sound?

Love handles.

A little extra for all of us to grab onto.

How does that sound?

No, no, okay.

Love handles, it's just a little over the top.

No, no.

You know what?

Forget all of you.

I'm just moving on.

Alright, here's what we're gonna do in this series.

All right, we're gonna talk about love, and for the next four weeks, I want to talk about how this applies in all different kinds of relationships.

So if you're single, this is for you.

If you're married, this is for you.

If you're single again, this is for you.

Here's what we're gonna talk about for these four weeks.

Today, talking about this idea of our love and cherish and what that means.

Next week's gonna be fun.

We're doing a QA, and I'll talk about that in a moment.

Week three, the message is titled Single and Secure.

We're gonna talk about how God uses those years of your life to form you into who He's called you to be.

And then the last week, week four, is on sex and intimacy.

Let me say this before you kind of like freak out if you have kids.

First of all, I too have kids that will be in this room, and imagine how awkward that is for your boy.

Um but if you're like, look, I don't I don't know if I want my kids to hear all that, let me pastor you for a moment and say this.

Oh, they're hearing it.

They're just hearing it at school and they're hearing it from other places.

And I don't know about you, but I want my kids to hear it from God's word, not from the word of a classmate, right?

So well, it's it's gonna be about marriage and intimacy, biblically speaking.

And then I want to give you an option though.

If you're a parent and you have a middle schooler or high schooler and you're like, I don't know about all that, totally fine.

We will have a special service for them that day and all of our services so you can bring them and not be worried about it.

Let me jump back to next week.

Next week we're doing a QA, and here's what we're gonna do.

I need you to pull your phone out right now.

Everybody, pull your phone out.

If you got your phone, pull it out.

I'm gonna need you to do three things.

The first thing is this go to access.tv slash questions.

Access.tv slash questions.

If you have any questions you would like answered on marriage, relationships, dating, sex, intimacy, singleness, single-agenness, any of those, just put a question there.

You can keep it anonymous and we'll work through some of these next week.

It's gonna be fun.

Also, while your phone's out, if you go to Facebook and find the Access Church page or go to YouTube, you can share the link to what's happening here live.

And also this week, would you do me a favor?

Just pull your phone out anytime today or this week.

Leave a review on Facebook or Yelp or Google or Tinder, I don't know, wherever you go, and just like leave that for us.

It just helps so much.

All right, let's do this.

Let's pray and then let's get to work today.

Let's pray.

So, God, in these next few moments, we invite you to speak to us, challenge us, change us.

God, may we raise the standard and raise the bar in our relationships and in our marriage.

And God, my prayer is that as a result of that, you'll get the credit and glory for it because it's really all about you.

It's always been about you, and it's always going to be about you.

So we love you and we thank you for that in Jesus' name.

Amen.

Amen.

Last Sunday, I turned 40, and um, I know I don't look a day over 50, but I turned 40 last Sunday, and it was awesome, big moment for me.

But the week before I turned 40, I had possibly the crowning achievement of the decade of my 30s.

And I it was a big deal for me.

I told my wife that this was like the best moment in all of my 30s, and she was like, You got a doctorate in your 30s.

I'm like, Yeah, better than that.

She goes, You you you had children in your 30s.

I'm like, What way better than that?

Like, this is the biggest moment of my life.

Here's what you need to know about me is um I'm good at like one or two things, but I'm not good at a lot of things.

I I am bad at a lot of stuff, actually.

And um I'm I'm pretty good at talking in front of people.

Try to be the most generous person, I try to be a good listener, I'm a good dad, a good husband, I'm good at some stuff.

But what I am not good at is I am not handy.

I cannot fix anything.

I I take problems and somehow make them worse.

Quick example.

Uh a few years ago I had a Ford Explorer.

I loved that car.

I loved it.

And and the the little armrest, the center console armrest, got cracked and broken.

And so I called the dealership and they're like, it'd be$250 to change it.

So I got on eBay and I found the exact same part.

It said it only requires four screws.

It's only$50.

So I bought it.

I got it here, and I found out when I when I got it, it was four screws, but the four screws were hidden.

And to get to the four screws, you had to take the whole center panel out of the car to change it.

Well, at this point, I'm already invested 50 bucks, so I watched some YouTube videos and I thought, I got this, I got this.

So I took the thing apart.

There's literally parts everywhere.

I'm bleeding in my car, but I put the final screw back in, put the thing in place, and I'm so proud.

I walk into my house as if as if I'm like God's gift to all of mankind.

I walk in, I'm like, worship me, adore me.

I'm so proud of myself.

I show Liz this little tiny scratch, but I'm like, I bled for this.

You know, I'm so proud.

Anyways, I go later in the day to start my car, and my car won't start.

I kid you not.

Somewhere in that center console, I cut a wire.

It cost me a thousand dollars.

And this is everything in my life.

If I touch it and try to fix it, it somehow gets worse.

So I'm just committed.

I told Liz, baby, I'll just I'll just earn extra money and I'll pay someone who knows what they're doing to fix it.

Well, not the last week of my 30s.

Here's what happened: we have a washing machine and a dryer, and we have a lot of people in our house, and we have a new puppy who pees on everything.

So we're always using our washing machine.

And did I mention we have three kids and they're always all peeing on stuff?

I don't know, they're always just messing stuff up.

And so, so um the week before I turned 40, my washing machine decided it would mess up, it would die on us.

And I'm like, oh, that can't be.

And so I did what I do, I can't fix that.

So I called a repair shop and they said, we can get you in three weeks.

I have a puppy, I have three children.

I don't know what three what three weeks, what do you expect me to do?

I I can't do what do you want?

Then it was I take the appointment, but I'm like, something's gotta be done, I gotta fix this.

So your boy went to work.

I did some research, I searched the error code, I got on Amazon, I found the part, I ordered it, and then you're not gonna believe this.

I took my washing machine apart with these hands.

I took it apart.

And I took the broken part out.

That in and of itself was a miracle from God.

And then I put the new part in.

I had to go to Lowe's and buy tools.

I didn't even have the tools to do this.

I bought tools, I put it back together and then put the lid back on and put the whole thing back together, and then there was the moment of truth.

There was the like, I'm gonna put something in and I'm gonna start it.

And I started it and I thought, oh God, please, this is either gonna be a miracle or I'm going to Lowe's and buying a new washing machine today.

This is what that moment is.

And the whole thing worked.

It's like it's like it fit, it's like mirror.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Stop, stop.

I don't want to make a bigger deal out of it than it was.

Anyways, and so then any chance I got for the last three weeks, I've been talking about it.

Liz, um, hey, I just heard a sound from the laundry room.

That that must be our dryer.

She goes, No, that's the wash.

You mean the washing machine is working?

Like, what in the world?

Who would have figured that?

Like, like I would be like, I got all these dirty clothes.

I just wish I had a way to wash them.

Oh, wait, our washing machine is working.

Any chance I get to get credit for it, Liz is like, big deal, you fish the washing machine.

I had three children.

I'm like, ah, same thing, you know.

The other day, Liz says to me, she goes, Hey, um, can there's something in the dryer?

Can you bring it upstairs?

I said, No problem.

And so from downstairs in the laundry room, I sent her this picture of me in front of my greatest work.

Like, it is my Mona Lisa, it is my crowning achievement.

I'm so proud of this.

I've been walking around my house all week, just so proud with the strut in my step, almost like this meme from the super macho man Randy Savage.

I'm just like, adore me, celebrate me, worship me.

Why?

Because I'm proud of this, I'm proud of me.

Don't you love to be celebrated?

Don't you love it when people notice your accomplishments?

Don't you love it when you're honored, when you're cherished, when you're valued?

Don't you don't you love that?

Here's a principle for you people thrive and they flourish where they're celebrated and honored.

What's funny is when you get married, you stand in front of a group of people, family and friends.

You hold hands with your spouse to be, and you commit your vows to each other, for better or worse, for richer or poorer and sickness and health.

I promise, and here's the line, I promise to love and cherish you.

I promise to love and cherish you.

And these are the words that we say, I'm gonna do this.

And here's the question I have for you today.

How far would you go to actually keep that promise?

Like we understand for better or worse, we get it.

We understand for richer or poorer, we understand in sickness and health, and some of it you can't even understand until you live through it, but we we understand it intellectually.

But then there's this line at the end.

I promise to love and cherish you.

And when we think of love, the funny thing is often love feels like a responsibility.

In fact, I would define it this way: love feels like what I'm supposed to do.

And love is important.

Love is the foundation of every marriage, it is the substance of the marriage, it is the rock upon which the marriage is built.

Love feels a lot like sacrifice, and love feels a lot like service, and love feels like a lot of you before me, and your needs before mine, and love feels like I'm killing expectation so I can honor you.

That's what love feels like.

Love, I've heard it said, that in a godly marriage, a godly marriage is two people dying to themselves to serve one another.

Love is a race to the bottom.

Instead of racing your needs met, love is about the other person.

And all those are good, fine definitions of what love is.

But love's about what I'm supposed to do.

Love is the substance of a marriage, it is the bread that sustains a marriage.

But then there's this other one, cherish.

Cherish is the jelly.

Cherish is that which makes the love that we live with even sweeter.

So in love, it's about what I'm supposed to do, but cherishing focuses on the wonder of my spouse.

And I just wonder today how many of us, if we're honest, we're married and we're just kind of going through the motions.

Our marriage feels like just another responsibility on our list of things that we are supposed to do when really marriage and love and this romance should be the sweetest thing about your life.

Um, one of the things I've observed in pastoring all these years is I do so much premarital counseling over the years.

And it's funny, a long time ago, it felt like every couple that came in, at least one of the two, had parents that were still married and still together.

I'm finding it increasingly difficult to find a couple where even one of the two has parents that are still married to each other.

And then what's even a little bit more disconcerting is when I dig into the family history, I'll say things like, Tell me about your parents, tell me about their love and their marriage.

I get this over and over.

Well, they're they're still together.

They still they like their marriage works.

Uh they're friends.

There's no romance, there's no celebrating, there's no joy, they're just they're just kind of together.

And people don't say it, but it's like they're staying together for the kids, they're staying together because it's the easiest way, they're staying together because there's not a path forward.

And I just I don't want that to be the case for me, and I don't want that to be the case for you.

I want you to love and to cherish your spouse.

A survey was done recently, and the question was this if given the choice now, knowing what you know now, would you remarry your spouse, the same person that you married, 77% of men and 51% of women said yes.

That means 23% of men, but only 49% of women would choose the opposite.

Now, why is this?

Why is it?

I would like to submit to you.

It's maybe because we've settled into the responsibilities of love, but we've forgotten the beauty of what it means to cherish.

And when you get married, you are invited.

In fact, you are promising in this covenant relationship to love and to cherish.

Now, this idea is biblical.

In fact, I want to look at two different sets of passages today.

1 Corinthians chapter 13, and then secondly, we're gonna look at the book of Song of Songs.

1 Corinthians 13 · chapter mention

Often it's called the Song of Solomon.

1 Corinthians 13 is the love chapter.

Love is patient, love is kind, love does not boast.

Fun little note about 1 Corinthians 13, it ends with this idea.

When I was a child, I thought like a child, I acted like a child, I reasoned like a child, but when I became grown, I put away childish things.

Well, how do childish love stories start?

Once upon a time, and how do they end?

And they lived happily ever after.

Love is actually a lot of work.

And so we're gonna talk about what are our responsibilities, but I want to contrast that with what we experience in Song of Songs.

Song of Songs is an explicit love letter essentially written between two lovers, a husband and his bride.

And it's beautiful and it's poetic and honestly it's erotic in some ways.

And I want you to see the beauty.

Love and cherish are not separate, mutually exclusive ideas.

They are dance partners in sync with each other.

And a God-honoring marriage, love and cherish should be the two that literally work together to create a beautiful marriage that the world will stand up and take notice of.

But let me show you the difference between the two.

Here's what love is love is about being gracious and selfless.

1 Corinthians 13, 4, love is patient and love is kind.

Cherish, on the other hand, is about being enthusiastic and enthralled.

Song of Songs 4.10, how delightful is your love.

My sister, my bride, I'm delighted in you.

Love tends to be quiet and understated.

In 1 Corinthians 13, 4 it says, It being love, does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

But conversely cherishes the opposite.

It boasts loudly, boldly and loudly.

Song of Songs 5.10, my beloved is radiant and ruddy, distinguished among ten thousand.

Men, try using that word ruddy on your girl tonight.

That's a it means it means skin tone.

It's beauty, just something about your complexion, just it's alluring.

I love it.

Love thinks about others with selflessness.

1 Corinthians 13, 4 and 5.

It is not arrogant or rude, it does not insist on its own way, but cherish thinks about its beloved with praise.

I'm gonna use my words to affirm you.

Song of Psalms 2.14, your voice is sweet and your face is lovely.

Love is our responsibility, doesn't want the worst for someone, it doesn't.

1 Corinthians 13, 6, love does not delight in evil.

Conversely, cherish celebrates the best in someone.

Song of Psalms 115, behold, you are beautiful, my love.

Behold, you are beautiful.

If you miss it the first time, which sometimes our words tend to fall flat, if you miss it, let me say it again until you get it, you're beautiful, and oh, you are beautiful.

Love has this tendency of putting up with a lot.

1 Corinthians 13, 7.

Love always hopes, always perseveres.

Cherish, on the other hand, doesn't put up with a lot, it enjoys a lot.

Song of Songs 5.16, his mouth is sweetness itself.

He is all together.

Lovely.

Love is about commitment.

1 Corinthians 13, 7 and 8.

Love endures all things and love never fails, but cherish is about delight and passion.

Song of Songs 1.3, your name is like perfume poured out.

A lot of us have a misunderstanding of what love is.

Love really is work.

A lot of us conflate the ideas of love and infatuation, but social scientists say that infatuation, it's that feeling, it's that euphoria that you feel, but it only lasts ever, maybe 12 to 18 months.

And what do you do when those feelings tend to subside?

I want to submit to you that cherish is a pursuit.

Cherish is something that you can work towards and work on so that for the rest of your life and for the rest of your marriage, it can be a joy and a delight, not an obligation that you fulfill.

So here's the goal.

The goal of cherishing is to develop a mindset, an attitude, and actions that make me hold my spouse in the highest regard.

This is a pursuit.

It's something that we can work on together.

And so here's what I want to do.

I want to take these next few minutes and I want to borrow something from an author named Gary Thomas who wrote a book called Cherish.

I want to take three different commitments that we can make towards cherishing our spouse.

Here's what I'll say to you.

If you're married today, and if you'll do this, if you're married today and you'll work towards this individually or together, I promise you your marriage will flourish.

You made a commitment to each other.

Now let's let's act on it.

Here's the first commitment of cherish.

Number one, I need to remember my promise.

Remember my promise.

When you got married, you made the promise to love and to cherish.

To love and to cherish.

What's so funny is, if you don't pay attention to it, cherish has this way of sneaking up on you.

Quick story.

Some years ago, our church did our first ever missions trip to Chiapas, Mexico, the most southern part of Mexico.

And when we got there, we told the missionary, we'll go anywhere you want, wherever the greatest need is.

So we landed in the airport after a long day of travel, and we got in two different vans, and we drove seven hours through these winding mountains.

It was wild.

And we got to this little remote place called Damasco.

But about two hours outside of the place where we were going to build the church, every single person in our party, everyone lost their cell phone coverage.

We all thought that we'd have cell phone coverage.

We could keep up with our spouses and our kids and our friends and family and social media or whatever.

And two hours out from this place, everybody lost it and we had none of it.

And so four or five days went by where we were all having fun.

We all enjoyed the company of each other.

We enjoyed what we did, but we were all disconnected from the world.

And I'll never forget, as I was there, I'd wake up in the morning and I'd look at the time and I would see the time and I'd wonder what my wife was doing.

I would think back to just days before, you know, 6:30 when her alarm goes off.

It's like she hits the floor, and when she hits the floor, she's not at 100.

She's at 120.

She just wakes up like ready to go.

And she's the most fun person.

And I think through fun moments, and I think through beautiful moments, and intimate moments and kind moments and gentle moments and loving moments and sad moments and beautiful moments.

All the moments that combine create the beauty of our story together.

I think through these things, and I just miss her.

Well, after the bill, we drove back into the capital area, the capital city where the airport was, and a couple hours into the drive, everybody's phone started ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

And I look at my phone, and all of a sudden, I've got like hundreds of text messages, hundreds of emails, hundreds of missed calls, and lots of voicemails.

And can I tell you what I did in that moment?

I didn't care about any of them.

If you texted me, if you emailed me, I apologized.

I didn't care about any of that.

Because the only thing that mattered to me in that moment was calling my bride.

I said, Nobody use the phone, don't take my cell phone.

And I hit the hit the call.

And when the phone rang, I was kind of nervous.

I was a little nervous, I was a little anxious.

I wanted to make sure everything was okay.

And when she answered, she said, Yes, yes, hi, hi, how are you?

And I just felt overwhelmed with gratitude and love and feelings of emotion, beautiful moments and beautiful feelings in that moment.

Why?

Because I was so captivated, taken by her.

Well, listen to the words the man in Song of Songs says over his bride.

Song of Songs 4, verse 9.

Song of Solomon 4:9

You have captivated my heart, my sister, my bride.

You have captivated my heart with one glance of your eye.

It's beautiful, poetic, love-driven language.

I love you, and I'm gonna allow my words to be cherishing words over you.

Listen to the way that she speaks words of life over him.

Song of Songs 2, verse 3, like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my beloved among the young men.

Song of Solomon 2:3

It's funny because men won't ever admit it.

But we also would love to be cherished.

Now we may not say those words.

I would bet this.

I would bet if I were to ask every married man in the room, does your wife love you?

We get an overwhelming response of yes.

High, high, high percentage of yes.

But if I were to ask the same question, does your wife like you?

My guess is that the percentage would drop a lot.

Men want to be cherished.

Okay, ladies, listen to me.

Use your words, use your actions, use your thoughts to build up, to shine the spotlight on your man.

Men, listen to me.

Use your words, use your actions, use your heart, listen, love, find the beauty, and celebrate it in her.

You committed, you made a covenant promise to love and to cherish.

So let's do that together.

Here's the second commitment.

The second commitment is this I'm gonna have a cherishing mindset.

All throughout scripture, there is this refrain that we can change our actions by changing our mind.

Romans 12, 1 and 2, Paul says, be no longer conformed to the ways of this world, but be transformed.

How?

By the renewing of your mind.

So we can change our mind.

Well, there's lots of things that we can do.

We can choose to see the best in our spouse.

We can choose to focus in on the best of them.

Let me give you one practical thing you can start doing.

And I promise you, if you do this, the feelings and the emotions will follow.

Here it is, ready?

Stop comparison.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

Eleanor Roosevelt said that.

Comparison is the thief of joy, so stop comparing.

So here's what we do.

Because we've been married and we've been married for a long time, we know all the good and all the bad in our spouse.

We know why.

Their highlights and all of their lowlights.

We've seen them at their best moments when they won the award, when they got the promotion, when they got the raise, and we've been there with them rubbing their back or holding their hair when they're puking their guts out in the toilet.

Like we've had the best moments and the worst moments.

We've seen the highlights and the lowlights.

We've seen the wins and we've seen the losses.

And what we tend to do if we're not careful to cherish is we will slowly drift and we'll look at those lowlights, those embarrassing moments.

We'll look at those areas where maybe their giftedness and their talents come up short and we'll compare them to the highlights and the best in someone else.

Let me ask you a question.

How has that ever worked out for you?

It doesn't work.

It doesn't work at all.

Like when you compare the lowlights and the areas of lack to someone else's highlight reel, you and your spouse both lose.

I heard it said like this one time.

If you were to look at a peacock, one of the most beautiful birds with one of the most beautiful feather presentations, and you were to judge it based on its beauty, you would say it compares to none.

And yet if you listen to the way it sings, it has a terrible squawking voice.

But if you were to go to a blackbird and you were to look at it for all of its beauty, you'd say it's actually kind of plain.

There's nothing inherently beautiful or special about it, but when it sings, it sings with beauty.

And if you were to compare the two, you're gonna get a lose no matter which way you go.

In the same way, when all you do is look at your spouse through the lens of comparison, you rob them of the beauty.

You rob them of their splendor, you rob them of that which makes them perfect and beautiful.

So think back to the Garden of Eden.

God creates the world, spins the hunt, spins the sun, moon, and stars into place, and he speaks into existence this human being.

He puts the dirt together and he breathes into him life and he calls him Adam.

And God places Adam in this perfect garden, this perfect place for companionship with him.

But he says, It's not actually good for you, Adam, to be alone.

Let me create for you a suitable helper.

Genesis 2, verse 21.

Genesis 2:21

So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep.

Probably not that hard.

And while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and then closed the place up with flesh.

Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

So just pause here for a moment.

So there's this man, Adam.

He's like living a man's dream.

He's the bachelor of all bachelors.

He's in this perfect garden.

He can eat anything he wants.

There's all kinds of animals.

The whole world is his public toilet, right?

He can do anything he wants, and he's naked to boot.

Then he goes to sleep.

He wakes up, he's like, uh.

And he looks up and he sees this woman come walking to him.

She's naked.

And all of a sudden, this bachelor who like treats the world like a bathroom turns into a poet.

Listen to his words.

Man said, This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.

She shall be called woman.

For when I saw her, I was like, whoa, man.

That's not in the Bible.

For she was taken out of the man.

Now here's the fun thing that nobody thinks about.

Why was this bound to work?

Because they had no one to compare each other to.

When Adam sees his woman, he turns into a poet and he doesn't think to himself, oh, she's perfect except she's a little curvier than I like.

He had nothing to compare her to.

She didn't look at him and think, ah, he's cool, but like his work ethic's not the best, and his hair is receding a little faster than I like.

Has he considered to be your, you know, he's she didn't say that.

Why?

Because there's no one to compare to.

Okay.

Think about how your marriage would thrive if you stop comparing.

Okay.

Listen to the words of the man in Song of Solomon as he speaks over his woman.

He says this Song of Song 69, my dove.

My perfect one is the only one.

My bride is the only one for me.

Okay, let me let me try to make that practical.

If in some weird alternate universe there was a perfect woman who came to me, and she was what everyone would consider to be a gorgeous, beautiful supermodel, perfect personality, perfectly athletic, brilliant IQ, off the charts relationally with people.

She literally checked every box that everybody would have.

And in some way, she was attracted to a slightly overweight, balding, too fast, middle-aged pastor.

None of it would matter.

Why?

Because she is not my dove.

The only one for me.

I'm committed.

And more than committing, there's no point of comparison with her.

Does this make sense to anybody?

Okay.

Think about how you'll flourish.

Okay, men, let me get personal for a second.

Think about how fun the bedroom can be when there's no point of comparison.

Everything gets worse when you compare and everything gets better when there's exclusivity, and you say you are the only one for me.

Final point, third commitment of cherish is this.

I'm gonna showcase their beauty.

You ever notice that when someone gets something that they love, they show it off.

They don't apologize for it, right?

A girl gets engaged, what does she do?

She walks around like this everywhere she goes.

She just walks around like this, always like just doing this.

People are like, what is wrong with you?

Nothing.

Just oh, just oh, what is this?

This is nothing.

It's just uh it's just a little diamond, it's no big deal, right?

All of their pictures, it's like they'll never stand this way, it's always this way, and the hand is always like this, and like, I don't know how you stand like that, that hurt my back.

Um, like they just do that, right?

When a guy gets a new car, if he's a car guy, it's the only time he'll ever post selfies because men really don't post selfies, but he posts a selfie with his car.

Why?

Because he loves it and he shows it off.

A grandparent gets a new grandchild, and what do they do?

They do the thing that every grandparent does.

If you're not a grandparent, it's annoying to you, but it's always pictures of their grandkids.

Why?

Because when you love something, you showcase it, you show it off.

Here's what it means in marriage: it means you showcase the beauty, you showcase the best, you showcase that which makes your spouse the most incredible person and who they are.

You showcase it.

Possibly the best example I can give you comes from the world of dance.

That there's a Russian-born American now choreographer, and he said this about the ballet.

He said, The ballet is woman.

It's woman.

What does it mean?

It means that in most ballets, there's multiple performers, but there is a woman who is literally the focus of the artistic dance piece.

She is the one that everyone is there to see.

And often there is a counterpart.

There is a male dancer, and he has worked just as hard as her.

And his responsibility is to lift her and to twist her and to throw her and to catch her.

His responsibility is to move in sync with her, to dip with her, to lift her, to push her out.

And then there's always the moment at the end of the ballet.

There's the moment that everyone is there for all of the dance, all the music, all of the crescendos at the end as he lifts her or throws her into place.

And when he throws her, all the lights dip, and there's the one-center spotlight, and when it lands on her, he steps out of the spotlight so that she can shine.

And as she stands in that perfect ballerina pose, he's catching his breath in the background, clapping for her, and all of the spotlight and all of the attention is on her.

He doesn't throw her and cause her to land and then step in front of her.

He steps into the back because it's all about her.

This is how marriage was intended to be.

That you do this for each other.

Now, funny thing is, the way this all tends to work in my life is whatever I'm preaching about, I go through that week.

I'm actually, listen, I've already talked about this.

We're preaching together next week.

That means we're gonna have some sort of blowout argument this week.

It always happens.

So we'll see.

I'll let you know how it goes next Sunday.

Um this is how it happened this week.

I knew this was the point.

I knew this is what I wanted to land on this week, a couple days ago.

My wife calls me and she goes, You're not gonna believe it.

Um, I just got this awesome invitation.

They asked me to speak at this incredible conference.

And immediately my response was, Yeah, awesome! Good for you, that's amazing.

I'm so proud of you.

I love you.

They picked the best, they got you.

Yes.

Then, if I can be honest for just a moment, my second thought that followed up closely behind that first one was, oh, but what about me?

Pretty good on a microphone, kind of funny.

Got some jokes, I got some good stories, I got I I can do that too.

And that was me in my own heart, kind of stepping around her into the spotlight for a moment.

My first response was, yay, good for you.

I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you.

Then I thought, what about me?

Can I tell you the funny thing?

My wife told me that.

I said, Yay, good for you.

And before anything else came out of my mouth, she this is what she said.

She goes, you know, I got that, and I felt conflicted because I thought, why not you?

You're a better preacher, you're this, you're that.

What about you?

This is both of us pushing each other into the spotlight.

Okay, let me say this to you: things flourish where they're celebrated.

Your relationships and your marriage are the exact same way.

Where there is honor, where there is celebration, where beauty is celebrated and pushed into the spotlight while you step into the darkness of obscurity, they flourish.

So here's my challenge to you.

When you got married, you made a commitment.

I will love you and I will cherish you.

Some of you have gotten into the rhythm of love so well that it's become a responsibility.

If you feel like, well, I did the laundry, that's me loving my husband.

Well, I cooked a meal, that's me loving my wife.

Well, I did this for her, I did this for him.

It's love has become a sacrifice to you, and there is an element of marriage and love that that is true.

But let me say this to you: it was never intended to be just that.

You signed up and you committed in the covenant marriage to love and to cherish.

So, how incredible would it be if, in a world where most marriages feel like they're falling apart, in a world where it feels like people are staying together because of the kids, or they're staying together out of convenience, but if they had a better option come along, they jump ship tomorrow.

How incredible would it be if you and I just made this decision?

No, no, no.

I'm gonna choose to find the beauty in you, and I'm gonna celebrate you, and I'm gonna honor you, and I'm gonna enjoy the beauty of this marriage, this covenant, this life together.

Would you bow your head and close your eyes with me?

I'm gonna pray for you.

God, this is one of those messages that's way easier to talk about than it is to do.

God, if we're honest, some of us just get so busy in our marriage that we tend to fall into the routines of life, and we get so busy with things that we forget to stop and to celebrate the beauty.

God, for those of us where that is true, we ask for your forgiveness.

Give us the wisdom and the courage to pursue what it means to cherish.

God, may we not just settle in, but may we make this decision.

No, no, for the rest of my life, I'm gonna honor you.

I'm gonna celebrate you, I'm gonna push you into the spotlight.

Give us the courage to do that.

And God, my prayers as a result that you'll bless our marriages.

God, when we obey, we get to be the beneficiaries of the reward.

So, God, my prayers that we'll obey and as a result, we'll just all experience these incredible God honoring marriages together.

Thank you for that, God.