When Your Way Isn’t Working – Control vs. Surrender

This podcast is presented to you by Pastor Jason and Liz Burns in Acte Church in Lakeland and Bartow, Florida.

For more information, visit Actex.tv.

All right.

Well, I am so excited because I get to start a new series with you guys today.

And it's called When Your Way Isn't Working.

When Your Way Isn't Working, somebody said to me, Did Jason ask you to preach today because it's time change Sunday?

And um, as much as I'd like to say he did, no, I chose to do it today.

I'm just weird like that.

So as soon as he told me this was the name of our new series, When Your Way Isn't Working, I immediately knew what topic I wanted to talk about.

Because possibly no other topic has tripped me up in life more than the topic of control.

Control.

Somebody said groaned, somebody edged, nudged their neighbors.

Um, how many people in the room would admit this is a safe place?

We're family.

You know, this is a safe place.

We're not family so much that I want you to take your shoes off.

Some of y'all need to not do that.

Um, but we're our family.

So how many of y'all would be willing to raise a hand and admit to a little bit being a control freak?

A little bit.

A little bit.

Okay, my hand is up.

Um, how many of you didn't put your hand up because you're so much of a control freak that you didn't want me to think?

Right, exactly.

That's like, that's exactly that's probably more my my move.

I would have I would have done something like that.

Um, I think almost since the moment of birth, we are born longing for control, right?

A baby cries, and that's their way of getting what they want.

It's it's innate, it's how we how we function.

When a child is little and they're learning to talk, one of the first words they come up with is the word mine.

We want control, we want it our way.

It's innate in us.

And some of you are saying, I don't struggle with control.

It's not my thing.

I'm like, that's cool, that's cool.

I want to encourage you this.

If you don't think you struggle with control, have you ever done art with a toddler?

Okay.

So this is what I mean.

Okay.

You do art with a toddler, and they're like grabbing, and you're like, oh my gosh, you're gonna you're gonna make the trees blue.

That's that's so creative.

You don't the green's there, you don't wanna you don't wanna use the green, and they're just like, woo! It doesn't bother you.

Um, I've talked about driving on i4 so many times in this church, and we have law enforcement here, so I don't really want to keep talking about it, but if you don't think you struggle with control, get in I-4 traffic.

Okay.

Any of you say, I let me drive, it's better if I drive.

Because if I don't drive, I'm gonna drive from the seat next to you, and I'm gonna tell you how to drive, right?

Um, I have a new measure of control I enjoy.

It's my new favorite show.

It's called Life 360.

I don't know if you guys know what this is.

So if you don't know, Life 360 is sort of an app where you can track where your family is.

And when my son started driving, I was like, oh, my show is on, and I would be on, like, I'm like, Joey, you're going 38.

Where's the fire?

You know?

And it's not as if me watching him on the app is going to make him drive safer, but it's my way of feeling in control, isn't it?

Because if I see him, I know where he is, I know what he's doing, yeah?

And uh, by the way, I have another one starting out on the roads in May.

He'll get a permit.

And I wasn't that worried about Joey.

But with Gav.

Anyway, um, keep on in prayers.

So we struggle with control.

Um, this is a problem, right?

So if this is a problem, this is contrary to how God wants us to live.

I love this quote from Craig Gruschel.

He says, You can have control or you can have growth, but you can't have both.

Yeah.

So what does that mean?

That means if I'm trying to grow in my walk with the Lord, I'm trying to become better in different areas.

I can't do that and have control.

Actually, the Bible takes it several steps further and says this in the book of Galatians.

Paul writes, I have been crucified with Christ.

See, when Paul's writing this, crucifixion is still a practice of his day.

Crucifixion, he didn't accidentally put that word in there.

That means death, cruel death.

I've been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.

The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave himself for me.

How do you not have control?

How do you have a life where it says, I no longer live, but also have control?

Well, the answer is you don't.

You don't.

It's interesting.

Um, if you're thinking maybe control has worked for me, maybe I'm in control and I'm doing just fine.

I want to ask you, has it has it worked well for you?

Has it?

Because a lot of times at the moment of my deepest stress, my deepest anxiety, I realize that the root of it is control.

Any worriers in the room?

What's at what's at the root of worry?

It's control.

When I'm worried, I worry for every worst case what-if scenario, right?

And I'm worried that I won't be able to control the things that are happening to me.

Anybody else in the room have stress, anxiety, moments where your life falls apart?

Sometimes I think my life falls apart just so I remember I'm not in control.

And it hasn't been working for you.

Sometimes I think we're in stress, we're in panic, and we're crying out to God for help.

And he's like, you are running around carrying burdens and loads that I never wanted you to carry.

But you want control.

So you keep bringing it back.

You keep holding on to it.

You refuse to let me have it.

And we're struggling under loads that we were never meant to carry.

The bottom line is this: a Christian can't live a life pleasing to God while also fighting for control.

I know that is harsh.

I know you're used to me being a little fluffier, but today we're gonna get serious.

This is the kind of message I hope you don't take here and leave here.

My hope for you with this message today is that you will take it home, take it into your prayer time, into your time with the Lord, and really wrestle with it.

And we can do that together, because I'm doing it too.

The best place we can go when we want to learn anything is the Bible, right?

I want to go to three examples of types of control that are shown in the Bible and how they just don't work.

And the first one is this the first one is relationship control.

I want to tell you a story from the Bible about a man named Abraham.

Abraham was 75 years old when God appears to him and says, Abraham, I'm gonna give you a son.

Not only am I gonna give you a son, I'm gonna make you the father of many nations.

But the problem was Abraham is 75 years old, and he doesn't have a child.

And in our current system, our current day and age, someone struggling with fertility, we'd see that as a sorrow, as a sadness.

But in Abraham's day, that's not a sorrow or a sadness.

That's seen as a curse.

You're seen as less than if you didn't have children.

So Abraham in Genesis 15 has promised he's gonna have a son.

And a chapter later, in Genesis 16, Abraham's wife, Sarai, she starts to get impatient.

She said, God promised us a son, it hasn't happened.

I know what we'll do.

We'll fix this.

God surely didn't mean that.

We'll take it into our own hands.

So she says, Abraham, go sleep with my servant, Hagar.

She'll give you a child.

I'd just like to formally state, this is not a situation you'd ever find me in.

It's right, girl.

Um if it's not happening, I'd just be like, oh well, you know, I don't know where that thought comes from, but that goes to show how desperate of a need it was in that day, right?

I think it's an important side note here to ask you a question.

Abraham is waiting on this promised child of God, and he lets someone's voice get into his head to tell him to fix it in himself.

Who is around you in your life that's either speaking to the promises of God, encouraging you to hold steady in waiting on the Lord, or is saying, God couldn't have surely meant that.

Fix it yourself.

It's really important who we surround with ourselves with and what voices we give space to in our minds.

Abraham has a child with Hagar, with Sarai's servant, and it winds up being a whole lot of heartache for him that has had immeasurable replications, even to this day.

And meanwhile, 25 years later, when Abraham's 100, he does get a son with Sarai, the promised son, right?

His son Isaac.

Twenty-five years later, after God's word, why did it take that long?

I don't know.

I do know that God's ways are not my ways.

I do know that his timetable isn't anything near my timetable.

But what area of your life have you maybe acted like Abraham, like Sarai?

Maybe you've grown tired of holding on for the promise of God.

Young people in the room talking to you.

Some of you had said, I really want to date a believer.

I'm not gonna compromise my values, we're gonna wait until we're married.

And then everybody around you started dating.

So you thought, well, this is not what I hoped for, but I'm lonely.

They look good, they're available.

And you've compromised what you said you would wait for.

Someone in the room is in friendships that aren't God honoring, they bring you down, they are absolutely displeasing to God, and yet you've said, Well, it's that or I'm lonely.

It's that or I don't have any friends.

Or what if there was a third answer?

What if you waited on the Lord to bring the promise that He's promised you?

See, I I've pastor a lot of people, I counsel a lot of people, and I gotta tell you, friends, not to undermine loneliness because it is tough, but there's something far worse than being alone.

And it's being with the wrong company.

It's better to wait on the Lord.

How many of us have done that?

We've been waiting on the Lord for a promise, and we got tired of waiting.

So we took matters into our own hands.

What area in your life does that speak to today?

What area in your life have you grown tired of waiting and you thought, I'll fix it instead?

Where have you stopped waiting on God?

Second area of control in the Bible, we want to look at his financial control.

We're gonna talk about a man in the Bible.

He's in Mark, he's just called the rich young ruler.

I mean, what a catch.

His dude, his two descriptive things are he's rich and he's young.

Like, man, may the Lord smite me with it.

You know what I mean?

Like that is good for him.

Good for him.

But the Bible says he comes to Jesus, he literally throws himself at Jesus' feet, and this rich young man says, What must I do to inherit eternal life?

What must I do?

And Jesus says, Well, you know, well, you know, all these things.

You gotta, you gotta love the Lord your God, you gotta follow his commandments, and he's like, Hey, I have done all of those things.

And Jesus says, Okay, one more thing.

Sell everything you have and give it to the poor.

And this rich young ruler is shocked.

And he goes away sad.

Why was he sad?

Well, he had a lot.

He had a lot.

But you know what I think is so interesting about this story?

Was Jesus asking him for money because he needed money?

No, Jesus, there's a story in the Bible that says Jesus goes fishing one day, pulls a fish out of the water, and there's a coin in its mouth.

I'm I've never fished, but if that is a thing, I'm interested.

Like if there's money fish I don't know about, please let me know.

And Jesus is not worried about money in this moment.

Why does he say that?

Well, he's testing this man's heart.

This is an act of trust.

And what's sad to me is we don't know what Jesus would have done with this man's yes.

In that moment, he could have said, Sell everything you had.

The young man could have said yes, and Jesus would have said, Thank you.

I know I have your heart.

You don't need to do that.

Or he could have.

He could have sold it all, and Jesus could have gone, Awesome, I'm gonna bless you two times with what you gave me.

See, we don't know.

He didn't trust enough with his finances for us to find out how that story ends.

Maybe that's you.

Does the idea of money freak you out?

Like generosity, like God's speaking to you.

You know he's been speaking to you to do something for somebody.

Like you're supposed to buy somebody something, you're supposed to bless somebody with something, and it's like, but Lord, I have my finances squared away to a T.

If I give this, I have to go and want.

What if He just wants your heart?

What if He just wants your yes?

What if He's able to do, which He is immeasurably, what you can do?

The God who owns it all is never stressed about finance.

He wants to know what's going on with your heart.

Is finance the area for you that you have held on so tight?

Like it's mine, it's mine, it's mine.

And every other area you're surrendered except that one.

That's your area of control.

You gotta provide, you gotta be the provider, you gotta be seen as the provider, you gotta have enough in the bank and then some.

What if God just wants to know your heart is willing to be generous?

Here's a third area.

This is where we're gonna get a little ugly and gritty, and there's chimes.

I love that.

So that's cool.

Emotional control.

Emotional control.

I'm gonna preach to myself.

I'm gonna be like, yes, girl, talk that queen.

Like, I'm just gonna talk to myself because this one's hard for me.

Emotional control.

So we're gonna go back to the Old Testament.

Moses was the one chosen by God to lead the people of Israel, God's chosen people out of slavery where they had been in Egypt, into the promised land.

So they fight with Pharaoh.

He finally says, Get out of here.

And Moses says, Let's go.

He leads his people into the promised land.

And while they're going through the wilderness on the way to the promised land, God says, Moses, come up on the mountain.

I want to talk to you.

I'm gonna give you some laws for the people.

Moses goes up.

The Bible says he was there on Mount Sinai 40 days and 40 nights.

40 days and 40 nights.

You'll never guess what happens while Moses is up on the mountain.

Moses' brother Aaron is kind of in charge.

He's kind of his number two, right?

The people get so freaked out without their leader being there, without the visible representation of God in their lives that they go, we have to have God.

We have to have something we can see as God.

Everybody collect your jewelry.

We're gonna melt it down.

We're gonna make ourselves a God out of gold.

This blows my mind.

This blows my mind.

First of all, that everyone's just willing to give up their jewelry.

Weird.

Second of all, they made this God with their own hands and worshiped it.

Why?

Well, that was easier.

It was easier to worship something they could see instead of having to wait on a God that they couldn't see.

You laugh at this story, you're like, that's ridiculous.

I've never in my life made a golden idol.

Okay.

But have you been waiting on the Lord and found that the bottle answered quicker?

Have you been waiting on the Lord and found that distracting yourself with work was quicker than facing the fact that you feel like God is moving too slow?

Have you been waiting on the Lord and drugs came through, numbing came through, worry came through, fixing it in your own strength came through before waiting on the Lord came through?

That's, my friends, the same thing as building a golden God that you can see.

We don't think we worship other gods, but we do.

We don't want to wait on God.

God's far away, I can't see him, I can't feel him.

So I'll just take this into my own hands.

It hurts when I feel like he's inactive.

I better rush to fix this and fill this with something.

So we want peace, but all these other things are quicker, right?

I'll pray, God give me peace.

Open my eyes.

I still don't feel peace.

All right, I better go numb myself.

God give me peace, I'll surrender it all to you.

We look up, we feel the same.

So what do we do?

Oh, it's all right.

I'll just distract myself.

I'll go Netflix binge.

Please hear me that this is not a condemnation of getting help if you need help, of finding peace and joy.

But so many of you want a word from God.

And can I tell you, instead of waiting on God and actually being in his presence, you're like, what podcast should I listen to?

I'm not against podcasts.

I have a podcast, I love podcasts.

But if you're going to podcast before you're going to the word of God, something's wrong.

There's no podcast, no preacher, no Christian book that can take the place of the Word of God, that can take the place of the presence of God, that can take the place of getting alone with God.

Some of y'all ain't been silent forever.

When's the last time you were quiet?

And just let God be God.

It's very interesting to me.

And this is bold.

I want to say this, but I truly believe you can't have control and have peace.

I know that's harsh.

I know that's a big statement.

But I believe some of you are praying for peace in the one hand and throwing it away with the other because you're insisting on your way and then asking God to bless the mess you've put yourself into.

And God's saying, I have peace for you.

I need you to give up what's in your hands first.

I need you to actually surrender to me first, and then I will give it to you.

And we wonder.

So if we've talked about the wrong ways that control was handled in the Bible, what's the right way?

This will surprise no one, but let's look at Jesus.

Let's look at Jesus.

On the night that Jesus knew he was going to be arrested, he knew he was about to be crucified.

And don't get it twisted in your mind when you think about crucifixion, by the way, that because he was God, it might have not hurt.

Oh.

Jesus was fully God.

He was fully man.

He bore pain in his body.

He's facing that.

Because he's fully God, he knows it's coming.

So he's in the garden of Gethsemane with his disciples.

He knows what's coming the next day.

Brutal crucifixion.

And he goes and prays.

It's in Matthew.

Jesus is there and he says, Going a little farther, he fell with his face to ground to the ground.

This is Jesus.

And he prayed, My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me, the cup of crucifixion.

Yet not as I will, but as you will.

Jesus is saying, I don't want to do this your way, but I'll pray and I'll say, even though I don't want to do this, if this is your will, let it be done.

A second time.

It says he went away a second time and he prayed.

It actually says that a third time this happens.

Jesus goes back a third time.

It describes in scripture that he's crying tears of blood.

It's actually a medical condition.

When you pray so hard, you burst capillaries and arteries and things in your face and you start crying blood.

He's not want to go through this crucifixion.

He knows the shame, the disgrace, and the other pain he will face.

But he says, not as I will, but as you will.

What is Jesus saying to us as the answer to control?

He's saying it's in one word, this word.

Nevertheless.

What does that mean?

But nevertheless.

Not as I will.

Your will be done.

Come what may, for better, for worse, right?

He's saying, nevertheless, your will be done.

He also faced things like we face things.

And he prayed for his way like we pray for our way.

There's nothing wrong with that, but how he ended it is the lesson for us.

He surrendered.

Here's the secret.

Surrender is the answer to our need for control.

Some of you are going, that's it.

That's the whole thing.

Yeah, because we wish there was a 12-step process to this, don't we?

We wish there was a magic formula because then we could do it and we could fix.

And we, we, do you understand the common word there?

It's me, it's me centered.

Control is the need for me to fix things instead of surrendering them and waiting on God to do it in his time.

And we say, God, nevertheless, your will be done.

See, we're human beings.

We're not human doings, but we like to do a lot more than we like to be.

We don't like being passive.

We don't like thinking of our life in someone else's hands.

I worry not because I like it, but because if I don't worry about it, what if it happens?

And then I'm caught off guard.

I watch Life 360, right?

Not because I'm thinking it's gonna change anything, but because it gives me a fleeting sense of control.

And yet the answer is in the nevertheless.

Why do we even want control?

Have you ever thought about that?

Why do we crave control so much if it actually winds up being so bad for us?

What do you think?

Have you ever gotten down to it?

Why you can't surrender something to God and leave it there?

Have you ever thought about that?

Could it be?

And this sounds scary to say in church.

You don't actually trust God.

Hear me when I say this is not condemnation.

I've had moments in my life recently where I've wondered at where certain feelings were coming from, certain anxieties, certain panics, and I go, What's wrong with me?

And I heard myself saying out loud, God, do I believe you are for me?

God, do I really believe you're in control?

It's easy to say.

It's a whole nother thing to walk out, my friend.

When you're facing circumstances, maybe it's your health today.

I didn't say this in first service.

Maybe someone needs to hear this.

It's hard to trust God with that, right?

It's something I worry about too.

And sometimes I go, Do I even trust him that he has me, that he has my life, that he can take care of me, that he can take care of my kids?

Do I even trust him for that?

Maybe we've been hurt.

So we go, eh, my guard is up.

I'm gonna trust God in word and in the like the good things.

Like I trust him that he's gonna take me to heaven one day, but I don't trust him to provide this month for my bills.

I trust him that he saved me and sent his son to die on a cross, but I don't I don't trust he'll provide me a spouse.

So I better go make it happen on my own.

Learning to surrender is day by day, and it takes faith.

I think a lot of us have gotten faith twisted.

I think a lot of us think that faith is blind.

Faith is seeing something you can't see.

No, faith is seeing.

Faith is seeing from God's eyes.

Faith is seeing with a whole different vision.

Faith is saying, Nothing's in front of me, but I see possibility because God is in the waiting.

I see breakthrough because I'm not just silent.

God is working.

When I feel out of control, could it be a reminder that I was never meant to be in control?

Maybe sometimes I worry that there's moments where God is quiet.

That we've rushed past a whole lesson he's trying to teach us in the silence because we can't handle it.

I can't handle the silence, so I'm gonna fill it with a podcast.

A Christian podcast, but a podcast.

I can't handle the silence, so I'm gonna go talk to someone.

Listen, none of those things are bad.

But I do believe he's in the silence sometimes, waiting to meet with us.

He wants to talk to us, he wants to teach us.

Have you ever had kids and had a house go silent?

Does it mean nothing's happening?

No.

That is like the scariest time.

If you have kids and your house has gone silent, call 911.

What if it's the same with God?

What if when we don't see, when we don't hear, when we don't feel, he's actually incredibly actively at work.

We just need new eyes to see this.

I'm scared that God wants to do things in us.

Like I said, we can't have control and change.

I'm scared that we've missed moments where God wants to teach us because we've rushed past it.

See, the process of our transformation actually takes place at the point of our need and weakness.

Doesn't seem right.

I don't like weakness.

I do everything I can, in fact, to avoid weakness.

I don't want to be seen as weak.

I don't want to think of myself as weak.

And sometimes when we're out of control, we feel weak, don't we?

But what does the Bible say?

What does the Bible say about weakness?

2 Corinthians 12, 9.

But he said to me, My grace is sufficient.

It's enough for you.

For my power is made perfect in control?

Strength?

Weakness.

Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ's power may rest on me.

You're gonna boast in your weaknesses?

Why?

Because he meets us there.

He meets us at that place.

So if surrender is the answer, if surrender is this answer for control, how do we surrender?

How do we surrender?

Well, we wait on God.

I think a lot of us are thinking, I'm not good at waiting.

I'm gonna be honest, I'm not good at waiting either.

Jason says I have a point that I get to where I'm patient up to a point, and then after that it's like, it's on.

This happens at restaurants a lot.

Like, waiter walks by the table first time, second time, third time, fourth time.

I'm like, sir, I need a coaster and a welcome.

You know?

True story, worst experience I ever had at a restaurant with this.

I won't say where, Lakeside Chili's, but they literally, we waited so long, the meal just never came.

It literally just never came.

And we told the manager, and he was like, No way.

We're like, what?

That's that's it.

We just never got the meal.

We just walked out, no meal.

I'm I'm I'm patient to a point with waiting, but it's like waiting in a dentist's office, you know, right?

There's years old magazines there, you're waiting.

Waiting on God isn't like that.

Waiting on God isn't that passive waiting.

Waiting on God is actually an action based on confident assurance of grace to come.

Waiting on God, it's action-based.

It's not passive.

You're sure, you're confident.

Grace is coming, he's on his way.

Why aren't you doing anything?

Because I couldn't do anything that could ever compare to what God could do in a second to my lifetime of striving and stressing and worrying.

One moment of surrender, and he could do it all.

You know what else waiting is?

Waiting on God is this it's internal rest.

Anybody in the room could use some internal rest that results in courageous action.

Waiting is courageous.

Surrendering is courageous.

It's saying, I'm taking my hands out, finally, finally, finally, giving it up, leaving it here, trusting that you're coming.

And maybe you need to do that today.

Maybe if some of you haven't slept well in a moment because you get on that pillow and your mind goes to work.

I'm praying peaceful sleep for somebody tonight who's gonna surrender and mean it this time in word and in action.

You've tried it your way, you've seen the fruit of that.

What if we tried it God's way today?

What area of your life needs surrender?

What area of your life have you been holding on to control and you're scared?

But, friends, you don't know the beautiful peace and gifts He has for you if you will lay it down and surrender it for good.

Today can be that day for you.

What would our lives look like?

Lived in surrender, lived not fearing the silence, but running to it, saying, God, what do you have for me?

And I will wait on you, knowing your way is best.

Will you bow your head with me today?

Father, so many of us in this room have struggled for control.

We have fought you.

We don't know why we do it, we're just scared.

Maybe we've been hurt, maybe we don't really trust you.

Meet us at the point of our deepest soul sickness today.

Meet us at that place of disbelief.

We pray, like one said in the Bible, I want to believe.

Help my unbelief.

Lord, I'm praying today for someone to have a good night of rest that has not slept well in ages, that their mind would go to rest as they picture themselves leaning back, not into this world and its chaos and its circumstance, but leaning back into the hands of a God who is in control.

We say we trust you.

Now help us, God, to live that out.

Help us to surrender the things that have stopped us from receiving your fullness.

With every head still bowed, every eye still closed, no one moving in this room.

Maybe some of you say, I want this, but I haven't even made Jesus the Lord of my life.

I haven't prayed to receive Jesus as my savior.

I want to fix all of this, but I gotta start at the beginning.

Let's do that today, friend.

God knew you'd come.

God knew you'd have this opportunity.

Now, if today is the day you want to make Jesus the Lord and Savior of your life, you want to receive Him into your heart and say, Thank you for dying for my sins, be my Savior with every head bowed and every eyes closed.

This is your moment, friend.

If this is you and you want to receive Jesus today, just raise your hand in this place.

No one's looking around.

No one's looking.

Yes, thank you.

I see you.

Thank you, thank you.

I see your hands, I see your hands, and he sees your hands.

He sees your hands.

Will you pray this prayer with me?

Say, God, I thank you for sending Jesus, your son, your perfect son, to die for me.

Thank you for the sacrifice you made by sending your son to die for my sins.

I receive your forgiveness today.

I invite you into my heart.

Take over, be my Lord, be my savior.

Begin in me a new work.

I give everything to you today.

I surrender it all, and I ask you to be my Lord.

Come into my heart in the name of your precious Son Jesus.

Amen.

Friends, look up at me in both services today.

People have received Jesus as their savior.

That is worth celebrating.

That is worth celebrating, I said.

Yeah.