God’s Show Home: Sexual Purity, Grace, and the Gospel | Ephesians 5:1-25 | Jago Wynne

Shall we pray? Verse one said, follow God's example,

therefore, as dearly loved children and live

a life of love. Lord God, we thank you that we

are your dearly loved children. And would you

teach us what it is to follow your example in

each of our lives? And so we open ourselves now

to sit under your word and to let your spirit

work in us. And so, Lord, we pray, come and transform

each one of us for your glory. And we pray this

in Jesus' name. Amen. Amen. Well, it's really,

really great to be with you. It's a real treat

and an honour to be invited in to be here. The

picture I'd love you just to sort of start to

have in your minds at the start is just a picture,

a sort of show home. I live near... Battersea

Power Station. And I don't know if you've been

to Battersea Power Station, but it's been amazingly

redone a few years ago. And there's loads of

luxury sort of flats all around Battersea Power

Station. And what they did to, when they were

doing the whole redevelopment, what they did

to sell all these flats, these luxury flats,

was they, before any of them being actually properly

made, they made one show home. They made one

sort of show flat. And they basically made this

one show flat so they could then sort of say,

look, this is what it's going to look like. Isn't

it amazing? Look at this. You want to buy this

whilst the rest of the site was still a complete

sort of bombsite and rubble everywhere. And in

a sense, what God is doing is saying the church

is my show home. The church is my show flat.

The church is my pilot scheme for what I am doing

in the whole universe, which I long to grow and

grow through time. The church is the place where

God is declaring to all the world what God is

doing in the world. And that is a big claim,

I know. You know, for me as a Church of England

minister, it's a bit depressing when I sort of

look at the state of the Church of England. The

Church of England doesn't look much like that

sort of show home. But the idea of Ephesians

is Paul is saying people should look at us, the

church, and say, I want some of that. And it's

why, as I'm sure you know, as you get to the

end of the first half of the letter of Ephesians,

Paul famously prays, now to him who is able to

do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine

according to his power that is at work within

us, to him be glory, where? In the church and

in Christ Jesus throughout all generations forever

and ever. It's a prayer that we, the church,

are a demonstration of the glory of God to the

world around us. We, the church, are to be that

show home. And really the second half of Ephesians

is the application of that, is for the church

to live up to that vision. And in chapter 5 that

we're looking at now, the sort of main thing

is it's in reference to sexual purity and to

marriage. Now, it'd be easy for me to use this

time in Ephesians 5 to point the finger. I'm

part of the alliance. Let's get on our high horse

and critique those with a revisionist theology

mindset and lifestyle in terms of sex and marriage.

But I want us to just apply it to ourselves.

Let's not be pointing the finger now so much

as to apply Ephesians 5 to ourselves. How does

it apply to us? How does it challenge each one

of us? So picture the scene, if you would. This

took place quite a while ago. It was before I'd

even met Susanna. I was living in Clapham, but

I was working as a management consultant. And

I was staying at this swanky hotel for a week

with about 20 other people in the company. Unlike

now, the economy was good. Business was good.

The hotel bar was open. The drinks were free.

The drinks were flowing. Everybody was getting

drunk, everyone except me. Now, I was tempted

to get drunk, very tempted to fit in. It would

have been fun, I thought. But after a couple

of hours of chatting to drunk people who worked

with me, I went off to bed in my hotel, in my

room in the hotel, and I reflected. And I thought,

living for Jesus, it's a little bit boring. Still,

my hotel room was pretty good. The bed was so

big, it was wider than it was long, and I decided

to have a quick sort of time praying and reading

the Bible before I went to bed. I failed to do

that so far that day. So there I was, you can

picture it, an angelic picture if I must say

so. I was in my pajamas, 11 p .m. at night, reading

my Bible, angelic, when suddenly there was a

knock on the door. And in came a rather attractive

colleague. And she sprawled herself across my

bed, the one that was wider than it was long.

Now, I was tempted to take her up on her advances,

very tempted. But I didn't. It would have been

fun, I thought. But after encouraging her to

head off to her own room, I sat back in my bed

and reflected. Living for Jesus, I thought, it's

a little bit boring. Today, in a sense, I want

to answer two questions connected to that little

incident in my early 20s. First, was I right

to be bothered about sexual purity? And second,

if I was right that sexual purity is important

for the Christian, is there a good reason for

that? Why is it important? So if you like, we're

thinking about the what and the why of sexual

purity. So first of all, sexual purity, the what.

I think it's best summarized in verses three

and four. If you look at verses three and four,

have a look at verse three first. Verse three,

Paul says, but among you, there must not be even

a hint of sexual immorality. Now that's the porneia

word, which when you look, I'm sure you know

it all the times that it's used in the New Testament.

You can see clearly what it means. It's referring

to any sexual activity outside of lifelong exclusive

marriage between a man and a woman, whether extramarital

or premarital. But just look at how verse 3 continues.

It says, but among you there must not be even

a hint of sexual immorality or of any kind of

impurity or of greed because these are improper

for God's holy people. So if sexual immorality,

the porneia word, is more about our actions,

our sexual activity outside of marriage, then

impurity and greed are about our thinking sexually,

about our thoughts. rather than our actions.

Even that greed word, it's likely that it's referring

to greed in a sort of sexual context. In other

words, a sort of greedy desire that we might

have in our thoughts to have more of somebody's

body for selfish sexual gratification. That could

include a whole host of things. Lustful feelings,

lustful glances, the desire for porn. And so

we move from impure actions in the first half

of verse 3 to impure thoughts in the second half

of verse 3, and then we move to impure words

in verse 4. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish

talk, or coarse joking, which are out of place,

but rather thanksgiving. So here, if you like,

is the what of sexual purity. It includes our

actions, our thoughts, and our words. And it

all flows from an understanding sex is good.

Sex is so good, so precious, that it's only to

take place in the context of an emotional engagement

and commitment of a marriage between a husband

and wife. And here's what we may need to remember,

I think. Too often, I think, in Christian circles

particularly, too often the view is, get married,

you're able to have sex, and all your problems

of being sexually impure evaporate. I think that's

so often what we think. I don't know how many

of you here are single, how many are married,

but I think so often we think that in Christian

circles. We get married and the problems of sexual

impurity evaporate. Not true. Sexual impurity

is all too rife amongst married people. I am

one, I can tell you that. It's all too rife in

our actions, in our thoughts, or in our words.

And the truth is that our past has an uncanny

knack of showing up in our present and our future.

If we were sexually impure in the past as a single

person, getting married does not cure it. I so

often see it partially in myself and in others.

To give you one example of myself, someone that

I used to think about far too much in a sort

of romantic way as a single person. After Susanna

and I got married, this other person that I used

to think about far too much, she kept on cropping

up in my dreams in the first year of Susanna

and my marriage. And it was the most difficult

thing about our first year of marriage. As when

I was honest with Susanna, told her what was

happening, Susanna therefore discovered that

her husband, her new husband, was regularly dreaming

about somebody else. Or to give you another example,

Susanna and I, we meet so many married couples

at HTC, our church, where the use of porn by

one of the couple is having a major negative

impact on their marriage. Sometimes the use of

porn in the present, but sometimes use of porn

solely in the past, but which impacts the ability

now for the couple in the present to know intimacy.

So for those of you who are single here today

and you'd like to get married, can I encourage

you, have your main focus not so much on finding

the right person to marry, but rather focus on

becoming the right person yourself. And all of

us here, Orthodox, theologically sound as a pound

Oak Hill types. I'm not quite as sound as a pound.

I went to Wycliffe, I know. Whatever our relational

status, it is a challenge, this. These words

of Paul, they are a challenge. He says, flee

from inappropriate actions, thoughts, and words.

I mean, just look at verse three again. Among

you, there must not even be a hint of sexual

immorality or any kind of impurity. That is a

major challenge to me. Not a hint, not any kind.

It's worth each of us asking, where is there

a hint for you? So that is, if you like, the

what of sexual purity. But now, perhaps more

importantly, we need to answer the why. Why is

this what God wants? And to answer that, I want

you to see the word in our passage that comes

three times. The word has been translated live,

but it's actually the Greek word peripeteo, which

means to walk. The same word has been used twice

by Paul in chapter 4. And each time that Paul

uses this word, he's giving a reason why we should

walk down, as it were, we should walk down the

road of life well, rather than sort of falling

into the ditch of sexual impurity. So let me

just point out these three times where he says

this word live, literally walk. The first one,

the first reason why, the why of sexual purity

is to walk a life of love. So if you look at

verse one, verse one, Paul writes, follow God's

example, therefore, as dearly loved children

and live or literally walk a life of love. So

the motive for sexual purity here is that you

are loved. You're loved. That's how we started

the whole service today. You're loved. Look at

verse one, dearly loved children, live, walk

a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave

himself up for us. You see, if it is just a list

of rules that's stopping me from sexual immorality,

if it's just a legalistic obedience to a killjoy

God, when it comes to sex, the rules do not work

because sex is so powerful. The only way that

you or I have a hope of being pure in the sexual

arena is if we are walking through life in the

light of God's great love for us in Jesus. Now,

it is true that if we consistently, unrepentantly,

are sexually immoral, impure, and greedy, verse

5, then we have the warning of God's judgment.

It's why, having been, Paul having been sort

of so keen on unity in chapter 4, we see Paul

saying in verse 7, do not be partners with them.

But fundamentally, God is not a grumpy policeman

policing our sex lives. God fundamentally, he

is a lover. A lover who puts his life on the

line for you and me. So why should we walk a

life of love? Not because we are sort of begrudgingly

trying to tick the purity boxes of a killjoy

God, but because we're loved by God. We're loved

by him passionately and faithfully. And if we

want to understand that love a bit more, we just

need to look to the end of the chapter past our

reading where this love word is used seven times

more. Just look at verse 25. Husbands, love your

wives just as Christ loved the church and gave

himself up for it. It's exactly the same phrasing

in the Greek as in verse 2. Look back at verse

2. Live a life of love just as Christ loved us

and gave himself up for us. Same phrasing as

in verse 25. So how did Jesus love the church?

Christ did not boss the church. Christ did not

oppress the church. Christ did not exploit the

church. Christ did not look to sort of rule over

the church in a sort of dictatorial fashion.

No, what did Jesus do? Jesus gave himself up

for the church. He took his body to the cross

to be nailed there because of his great love

for the church, for you and for me. The picture

that the Bible paints is that for me, for any

men here who are husbands or one day will be

husbands, we're to be prepared to, as it were,

be crucified for our wives. Quite simply, none

of us will understand how this works unless we

see Jesus as the ultimate husband, the ultimate

lover. Because, of course, that's what Paul goes

on to write. Verse 32, this is a profound mystery,

but I'm talking about Christ and the church.

Paul's saying all along his primary focus hasn't

been so much on the relationship between husband

and wife, but on the relationship between Christ

and the church. And for every single one of us,

Jesus Christ, Not any spouse that we may or may

not have, but for every one of us, Jesus is the

ultimate lover, the only person who can give

us perfect love, complete affirmation, total

security. And it is because you are loved, it's

because of his perfect love for you and me, it's

because you are loved that therefore we want

to please him through living lives of sexual

purity. So that's the first reason. You're loved,

so walk a life of love. Here's the second reason.

We don't just walk a life of love, but we also

walk as a child of light. We walk as a child

of light. Have a look, if you would, at verse

8. Look at verse 8. Verse 8. For you were once

darkness, but now you are light in the Lord.

Live, or literally walk, as children of light.

So the motive here for sexual purity is that

we look back to our own fruitless deeds of darkness

of the past, as Paul calls them, verse 11. And

we say, that is not me now. We say, I am transformed

by Jesus. We say, I am now a child of light.

The transformation in us is staggering. It is

as radical as transforming from darkness to light.

And we're called to live out what we are now.

You are light, says Paul. Live as children of

light. I have an embarrassing habit of crying

at inappropriate times, like once I had to be

told to be quiet by an air stewardess on a plane

because I was sniffing far too loudly as I was

crying with my headphones on watching a film.

Embarrassingly, the film was The Princess Bride.

But, you know, I once gave a talk where Susanna

and I actually gave this talk together where

I cried in the middle of a talk for a very different

reason. It was a talk to about 80 teenagers.

But in those 80 teenagers, there were about three

or four boys who were about 16 years old who

thought they were pretty cool, pretty tough.

And they were asking all sorts of questions,

like if it wasn't okay to have sex outside of

marriage as a Christian, was it okay for them

to do all sorts of intimate things with their

girlfriends? And as this happened, I just burst

into tears. And here's the reason I cried. I

cried because I knew how much hurt would be caused

by the actions of these boys. Hurt to other people.

but also hurt to themselves. And it pained me.

It pained me because I knew how much hurt it

had caused Susanna and me in the past, that both

of us, in various ways, although we'd never had

sex before we got married, we'd done things sexually

with other people that were too intimate, which

had hurt other people and had hurt ourselves.

And so I cried that day because I was reminded

of the darkness and the hurt of the past. Now,

all of us will be far older. than those 16 -year

-old boys. But it is still exactly the same message

to us all. You are transformed by Jesus as a

Christian. You have been transformed, so live

as a child of light. Don't go back to the darkness.

I think of someone at HTC, he came to faith in

Jesus recently, about 12 or 16 months ago, something

like that. Beforehand, he'd been regularly paying

for sex with escorts. He'd been regularly using

porn, regularly using cocaine, all sorts. And

recently he gave his testimony. And this is what

he said in his testimony. He said, my life has

transformed completely. My life is now enriched

by a living, breathing Christian community. I

wake each day with peace, purpose, and the certainty

that I'm loved, chosen, and never alone. I've

been reborn. It's eight months since God called

me to follow his son. And since that awakening,

I haven't paid for sex or ingested nicotine.

That can't be coincidence. So why sexual purity?

It's not because God is a killjoy, but it's because

as a Christian, you are transformed. Jesus has

done the transforming in us, and light is so

much better than darkness. Walk as a child of

light, says Paul. Walk as a child of light in

terms of our thoughts, our actions, our words,

because God wants the best for me. He wants the

best for you. He wants the best for every person

on this planet. And then thirdly, we walk as

a wise person. We walk as a wise person. Verse

15. Verse 15, Paul says, be very careful then

how you live, literally, how you walk, not as

unwise, but as wise, making the most of every

opportunity because the days are evil. Therefore,

do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's

will is. And perhaps one of the most unwise things

that we can do when it comes to sexual purity

comes in the next verse, verse 18, do not get

drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. I know

personally that for myself, most of the times

in life, when I've most clearly fallen into the

ditch of sexual impurity, alcohol has played

a part in proceedings. And just look at the contrast.

If the catalyst for sexual impurity is being

filled with alcohol, The catalyst for sexual

purity is being filled with the Holy Spirit.

Verse 18, don't get drunk on wine, which leads

to debauchery. Instead, be filled, literally

go on being filled with the Holy Spirit. Under

the influence of alcohol, we lose control. Under

the influence of the Spirit, we gain control.

So if we want to be those whom there is not a

hint of sexual immorality or any kind of impurity,

can I encourage us all, don't be foolish. Don't

get drunk. Don't even go near getting drunk.

Don't joke about drunkenness like it's a middle

-class Christian permissible sin. So why sexual

purity? It's because as a Christian, the same

Holy Spirit who witnesses and convicts us where

we're being sexually impure, that same Holy Spirit,

he fills us. You are filled. You're filled. He

fills us. He empowers us to take control of ourselves

sexually, the opposite of what alcohol does.

It's not just that we're struggling in our own

strength to obey the rules of a killjoy God.

No, he has loved us, first bit of the chapter.

He has transformed us, second bit of the chapter.

And he fills us with himself, third bit of the

chapter. He fills us, you're filled. And so as

I close, please let's remember there is no place

for judgmentalism here. Every single one of us

here in this room will have blown it in some

way or other. in the sexual arena. We aren't

fully that perfect show home where God is declaring

to all the world what he is doing in the world.

But the amazing thing is we can know forgiveness.

We are still, despite all the ways that we've

got things wrong, we're verse one, dearly loved

children. He loves us, he transforms us, and

he fills us. And in our struggles that we'll

all have, our struggles with sin, our struggles

with our situations where we're tempted to sin,

we need to bring those to the Lord. Remembering

what do we really think about him? In my heart

of hearts, do I think he's a great celestial

killjoy? The gospel tells us how it really is.

Jesus Christ, he's the most loving Lord who died

for you, who gave himself for you and for me.

He's transformed you by his grace and he has

sent his spirit to live in you. to fill you and

to empower you from the inside out.