Marriage & Mission

Let's pray.

Lord, we just thank you.

We thank you for who you are, Lord.

We thank you for your word.

We thank you for giving us a path to walk, Father, in this world and in this life.

As we uh continue on in our series this morning, God, would you speak to us?

Would your truth resonate deep within us?

God, as I pray uh consistently, I pray again, Father, that it's not about what I have to say this morning, Lord, but what your word has to say for us.

So, Father, may that be what directs us and grows us and guides us in this life.

We pray this in your name.

Amen.

So we are continuing on in our series called Kingdom Witness.

Uh, and we are going through the letter of 1 Peter.

And Peter is writing to Christians who want to live faithfully in a world that does not understand the way they're now living.

And so he began his letter by reminding them that you are a people that have been chosen by God, born again into a living hope.

Then he told them that, hey, your lives are not just enough to be transformed, but you have to live visibly for people to see.

And then last week we looked at how our witness uh happens in our relationship with authority.

And we said the phrase, we need to honor everyone, fear God, and follow Jesus.

And now Peter's going to bring this into an even closer relationship.

He's gonna bring it into the home, he's gonna bring it into marriage.

So it's in these relationships that we are often best known.

You know, because we can come here and granted, we can be pretty good actors.

Many of us can come in and we can put on our nice clothes and we can say the right words and we can take a seat, we can be respectful, we know how to socially blend, and and no one would know the wiser.

But in our homes, man, that's where we tend to let the guard down.

That's where people see who we really are.

So uh it's in that place that Peter addresses, which can be the hardest place to live for Jesus.

So now many of you may have noticed that sometimes it's easier to kind of act one way in front of strangers than in uh in front of your own family.

I know this was true for me growing up.

I was a difficult kid, I don't deny that.

I don't put it all on me, but uh a lot of it was me.

And so I was a challenging kid, and then when I got to my teen years, I developed a bit of more social awareness.

When I was young, I would throw a tantrum anywhere.

I didn't care.

If I wanted that toy and my mom said no, I would just lose it in the store, embarrass her.

I mean, just made it real uncomfortable.

I was that kind of kid, and and so as I got older, I realized, hey, that actually doesn't make me look good, does it?

So I learned, well, I can throw my tantrums at home, but it's not such a good look out in public.

And so uh during my teen years, I started getting invited over to friends' houses and I would go over.

And my parents did instill in me, you know, again, respect when you're at someone's house.

So yes, sir, no, sir, uh, yes, ma'am, no ma'am.

And so I did.

I I would be very uh respectful and I had good manners, and but I took it to an extreme.

So, like my friend's parents would be like, hey, they would, you know, my best friend is also named Ryan.

Uh, and so they would say, Hey, she would say, Ryan, take out the trash, and he'd be like, Ah, I'll do it later.

I said, Don't worry, I got it.

And he'd be like, hey, stop making me look bad, you know.

But I was just so so then my neighbor's friends, you know, and my friends' parents, they they meet my parents and they go, Oh, you have the most wonderful kid.

He is so respectful, he is such a kind, like he's the kind of kid we want our kids to be friends.

You know, like he just he helps around our house.

He's good.

My mom's going, Who are you talking about?

She's like, You're not talking about myself.

This kid?

Because it was easier for me to put on this face in front of my friends' parents and their families than it was at home.

And my experience, I know, is not too difficult, uh, different from the world.

There are many people who in public can be patient and kind, willing to serve, but at home they're short fused, they're angry or even selfish.

As believers, this should not be so for us.

Because the home is the one of the most important places that our witness should be lived out.

And I know we almost think the opposite, right?

That, oh no, it's it's more important that I'm living out my witness faithfully for the world to see.

But in reality, what Peter's gonna draw us into today is that it's in the home that our witness really matters.

So let me just bust this myth right up front.

No Christian family is perfect.

So if you came here today and you're like, uh, I beg to differ, wrong.

You can look as good as you want.

Your kids can be well behaved walking through these halls, but we know no Christian family is perfect.

And so the expectation isn't that you're walking through these doors with the perfect family, by the way.

We just want you walking through these doors.

Because we all are in need of a savior.

We are all on this journey and process of sanctification, being made holy.

And so if we if it becomes more important for us to be perceived as good and holy and perfect, then we've missed it.

Because then we're not allowing God to actually do the work in us.

Now, that said, the people closest to us should see the most evidence of our relationship with Jesus and how he is growing us.

So it should be those in our in our marriage, in our families that are seeing the the growth in Jesus in our lives.

And Peter understood that.

And in 1 Peter 3, he enters one of the most personal relationships in life.

And he asks this question What does faith in Jesus look like inside of a marriage?

And his answer is not about who gets their way or who gets to be in charge, by the way.

It's about what happens when the gospel begins reshaping our lives and reshaping the way that husbands and wives treat one another.

Because again, the people closest to us should not get the leftovers of our discipleship, they should see the clearest evidence of it.

But I understand that sometimes, right?

Sometimes they get the leftovers, sometimes they get the worst of us instead of the best of us.

So if you're able this morning, would you please stand as we read from God's Word in 1 Peter chapter 3, verses 1 through 7?

1 Peter 3:1–7

It'll also be on the screen.

Peter says, likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be one without a word by the conduct of their wives.

When they see your respectful and pure conduct, do not let your adorning be external, the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry or the clothing you wear, but let your heart, uh uh but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.

For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, and you are her children if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to women as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

Amen.

You may be seated.

I was just gonna say, at least I didn't see a lot of women getting up and walking out, but we we actually had someone heading out, but for a different reason.

Let's begin with the the first tension that we're gonna see this morning.

Uh, one, it's letting your life speak.

So Peter begins in verse one.

He says, likewise, likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be one without a word by the conduct of their wives.

So you can feel this tension of what Peter just wrote here.

I mean, you can see, you're like, Peter, what are you talking about?

This idea of marriage in Christianity.

Um, the Bible is full of verses that that create tension for us in our modern understanding, right?

Because here we are 2,000 years separated from when the author wrote this stuff.

And all of a sudden you you'll come across passages that don't connect to your modern beliefs or understanding or worldview.

And so you have to be willing to be stretched sometimes to go into a text that makes you feel uncomfortable or challenged, uh, so you can understand it.

I think there are times when we come to passages like this and we're just like, skip.

I just will just I'll just pass on this one because I don't like it.

But it's important for us to not do that, it's important for us to study.

You know, there will be scripture in this Bible that we'll have to break down and learn and study in here that will not be easy for us to digest.

And we cannot be afraid as a church to do that.

If we only focused on the verses that made us feel good, then we would miss the point.

God doesn't just want us feeling good, he wants us to grow.

And growth happens in tension.

So let's let's dive in this morning.

The first thing for us to understand is that history tells us that the first century Roman household was a hierarchical household, meaning that the husband was the paterfamilius.

Any novice kid can translate that for you in here.

Uh, that's Latin for father of the family.

And so this father of the family had absolute legal, economic, social, and religious authority over his wife and family.

So in the Roman household, the husband, the father of the family, had total control, had full say of what happens to everything and everyone in there.

And in this family structure, religion was not treated as a private thing.

So it wasn't like, okay, hey, guys, as a family, I believe in, you know, these gods, I believe in the Roman gods, maybe I believe in some of the Greek gods.

You just go ahead and believe whatever you want.

That's not how it worked.

As a family, this is what we worship, this is who we worship.

So households had religious loyalties, families participated together in these worship practices.

And so a wife's religion was commonly expected to follow that of her husband's and his commitments.

So when Peter starts addressing wives here in this difficult situation, which is a woman who has become a Christian and her husband is not.

That's who Peter is addressing right here in the first verse.

He's saying, Hey, listen, you are someone who now has found Christ, but your husband doesn't know him.

So we see that when he says, even if some do not obey the word, meaning that either the husband has rejected the gospel or he has not yet received it.

So Peter here is not addressing two mature Christians in marriage, asking about who has authority.

He is saying, hey, there's a Christian woman who's trying to faithfully follow Jesus inside a household led by someone who does not share her faith.

And notice what Peter does not tell her.

He doesn't say, hey, your husband doesn't believe, so you're not allowed to believe in Jesus.

Sorry.

You just have to wait until he believes, and then you can have faith in him.

No.

Her allegiance to Jesus remains intact.

Jesus is still Lord.

And Peter uses this word here, subject, which is hippotasso.

The basic sense of this word is to place oneself or to order oneself within an existing relationship or arrangement.

So in this context, Peter is calling wives to live honorably within her marriage.

The hippotasso does not mean a wife's inferior, it doesn't mean she's voiceless.

And it cannot mean unconditional obedience because this woman has already refused to give her husband authority over what is the most important part of her life, her faith in Jesus.

So even though he does not follow Jesus, Peter says, you still do.

So her highest allegiance belongs to Jesus.

Why?

Because Peter wants wives to not create division in their marriage.

No, he wants them for this reason, so that they may be one.

Peter's hope for these unequally yoked marriages is evangelistic.

He's drawing out a point.

What if marriage becomes the place where an unbelieving spouse encounters the reality of Jesus?

But notice how Peter says this is going to happen without word by the conduct of their wives.

Now, is Peter saying that the wives can never speak about Jesus?

No.

If we go back to chapter two, he says Christians should proclaim the excellencies of God.

And in chapter three, he's going to tell believers to be ready to explain the hope that's within them.

So Peter's point is not say anything.

His point is this: you won't be able to argue someone into faith in Jesus if your life contradicts what you're saying.

So now that you're a Christian, he's telling wives, now that you're a believer and have your faith in Jesus, but your husband doesn't, you have to live in such a way that your husband sees Christ in how you're living.

But if you just sit there and be like, well, let me explain something to you, sir, you're wrong.

Okay, because how you live doesn't add up to how we're supposed to live.

Peter's saying that's not going to work.

You're not going to argue your husband into faith in Jesus, even though you're right, even though all the facts are on your side, even though you have truth with you and behind you.

He's saying the loudest testimony of Jesus is the life that looks like Jesus, not just sounds like him.

Because oftentimes we can say all the right words, but if we're not backing it up with how we're actually living, then we're contradicting what we're saying.

Peter continues in verse 2.

He says, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.

And there's that word again, see.

Last week Peter said, they may see your good deeds.

Now he says, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.

So Christian witness is not just what people hear us say, it's what they observe in our life.

And nobody observes you over time quite like the people who live with you.

Oh, I remember going through premarital counseling, thinking like, why do I need this?

Right?

Like, I'm gonna be a great husband.

I just I just know it.

Like, I love Jesus, I love my my fiance.

Like, this is just gonna be easy.

And I went into it with such arrogance and and such immaturity, thinking like, ah, and I remember our our counselor, our pastor, who was walking a Sioux premarital.

He he just said, he goes, Listen, he goes, you are two sinners who are making one big sinful life together.

And you're gonna need Christ more than ever.

And I didn't quite realize the vulnerability in that.

He was kind of making just just fun general statement about how we're two imperfect people uh starting an imperfect life together.

But what I didn't realize was how exposed marriage is gonna be.

That my wife was going to see everything the good, the bad, the ugly, my best moments, my worst moments.

So if we have this understanding, and Peter recognizes this, that your spouse sees the version of Christianity nobody else will see that's a that's a big deal.

Because they know how you respond when you're frustrated.

Your spouse will know whether you tell the truth, they'll know whether you're a person who apologizes, they'll know if you're the kind, um if you're kind only when other people are watching.

That means one of the hardest questions that we can ask ourselves is does the Jesus I proclaim publicly look anything like the Jesus my family experiences privately?

The question is not only for married people, by the way.

Children experience our discipleship, grandchildren experience our discipleship, roommates experience it, parents experience it.

The people closest to us see whether our faith is growing our character or not.

The gospel we profess publicly should be visibly, should be visible privately.

Which brings us to our second tension this morning.

Does God define what is precious to you?

Or uh define what is precious in your life?

Peter continues addressing wives in verse 3.

He says, Do not let your adorning be external, uh, the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewel jewelry or the clothing you wear.

Now, on the surface, uh it appears as though Peter is simply just giving uh Christian women a dress code.

Typical camp fashion, you know, like, all right, don't braid your hair, don't wear jewelry, and uh don't dress nicely.

But notice what Peter includes.

He says, the clothing you wear.

Now, if Peter were absolutely prohibiting everything on this list, he would apparently be prohibiting clothing.

So, what is his point?

Why name these things at all?

Peter is contrasting where we locate our value.

In the ancient world, elaborate hairstyles, jewelry, clothing would communicate wealth, social status, prestige, and public importance.

Okay, maybe not just the ancient world.

Peter is telling these women don't build your deepest sense of worth on what everyone else can see.

That was the custom.

Make yourself up, make yourself look like a person of value, and then you'll be valuable.

And Peter says, That's not how it is for you.

Those who have Christ.

In verse 4, Peter gives them a different way when he says, But let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.

So he contrasts external display of wealth, beauty, status with internal formation.

The world sees the outworld, the outward appearance, and our God sees much deeper within us.

And notice how he says, with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit.

So in chapter one, Peter describes an imperishable inheritance.

Then he speaks of uh an imperishable seed.

Now he speaks of an imperishable beauty.

Most of what our culture values or elevates eventually fades.

Right?

Youth fades, appearance changes, status disappears, possessions wear out.

But our culture, man, it chases it.

It's why today Tom Cruise looks younger than people my age.

Right?

Because it's so valuable to hold your youth, to have this, to not look aged or any of these things.

But all of that will fade.

Like bad news for Tom Cruise.

Like there's gonna be a day where all the prosthetics and all that stuff just won't hold up for him anymore.

And that goes for everyone.

And yeah, I use him as an example, but all of us, all of us are guilty at some point of doing exactly this, of trying to display on the outside some type of value on the inside.

And what Peter is is saying to these women is your value does not come from what you put on you, your value comes from what God has instilled in you.

So the truth is still valid today.

Just go back 40 years, right?

The things that showed that you had wealth, status, and power would not stay the same today.

So oftentimes we think, well, if I just have this, then I'll be good because then it'll amplify.

But that never lasts.

Here's a clear example from the 80s.

Here's an image for you of some of the things that uh communicated some of that power, right?

So in the 80s, if you rocked that brick of a cell phone, you were uh that was a symbol of wealth.

Your phone's not attached to a cord in the wall?

You can just walk around and make a call from anywhere?

Power, wealth.

You owned the world's smartest device in your home that holds like one megabyte of memory.

Woo! You must be CEO of a company.

You got a mullet?

Bro, you got everything.

Business in the front, party in the back, looks that will last forever, transcend generations.

Oh, and then if you carry it around a boom box with a cassette tape, you were popular.

You were cool, you had everything.

The reason that's funny is because we can look at that and laugh and be like, ooh.

None of us, if we were using those things, would be seen with all those things today.

People be like, ooh, you're living in the past.

Buddy, that does not symbolize wealth, power, or popularity anymore.

Well, maybe the mole.

I'm just kidding, not the mole.

But Christ-like character is something that doesn't fade but belongs to eternity.

So Peter is calling out the thing that's gonna last.

You know it's gonna last, not the material stuff.

That's gonna last, not the jewelry, not the style, not the clothes, but who God is forming you to be.

There's an imperishable beauty.

Now Peter is not against beauty, rather, he's asking us to invest in the kind of beauty that eternity will not erase.

And I know that's hard.

I know that our culture has put just such a high standard on women for the sense of beauty and what you're supposed to represent in this life.

And not just that, we've made it increasingly difficult for our young women who now have to be compared to people that they would never have otherwise been exposed to.

Do you know most of us who grew up in this room didn't grow up comparing ourselves to perfect people around the world or what appeared to be perfect, but now our daughters are.

They're growing up with phones and internet and TV and movies that are showing, oh wow, that's the standard of beauty.

That's what everyone likes, that's what people are adorning, and it's unrealistic.

Most of it's fake.

So we need to be a church that is discipling the next generation, instilling in them that the value of who God has created them to be is the most important.

The imperishable beauty.

And that is something that won't be erased in eternity, that Christ-like character.

Then in verse 5, Peter continues and he tells us what makes this possible.

He says, For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves by submitting to their own husbands.

Now, this may be the most important part of the phrase in this section addressed to wives.

He says, Hoped in God.

Their deepest security was not, oh, my marriage will always be easy.

My husband will always do the right thing.

My circumstances will always work out.

Their security was, God is faithful and my hope is in him.

That explains something important as we we head into verse six, because he says, As Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, and you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

So because wives, ultimate hope is in God, Peter here just connected these women, mostly Gentile, by the way, to the Old Testament covenant relationship of God's people.

So here are these Gentile women who've now become Christian, who maybe they're in a hard circumstance, a hard situation with an unbelieving Gentile husband who's worshiping other gods.

And Peter says, listen, you don't need to be frightened because your hope is in God.

And not just that, your family is not just the family that you're in.

You belong to the family of God.

Think about the hope that gives a person.

Because when you feel alone, when you feel isolated, you feel desperate, you feel unheard, you feel like there's nothing for you.

And what God says here through Peter is that, ladies, listen, you are part of this family.

You are not just part of the family that you were born into or married into.

You will now have a larger family than just your husband.

So they can live for Jesus courageously and without fear.

Now I want to emphasize a warning here.

Do not interpret this passage to mean wives must justify or excuse abuse or danger in their marriage.

That's not what's being said.

Submission does not mean cooperating with sin.

It does not mean hiding violence.

It does not mean refusing help.

It does not mean remaining in preventable danger.

Peter's vision is not frightened women controlled by a husband.

It's a woman whose confidence in God enables her to do good without fear.

And there is a transcendent principle here for every Christian marriage.

A healthy marriage cannot carry the weight of becoming your ultimate source of identity.

So your spouse cannot be your savior.

That is a hard one.

And if you didn't learn that going into marriage, you learned it the hard way going through marriage.

Because when you put that kind of weight on your spouse that they're supposed to make you whole in a way that only God can, you've put an unrealistic expectation on them.

Your spouse cannot perfectly secure you.

Your spouse cannot fulfill your every need.

Your spouse cannot determine your worth.

Those are all expectations that people carry into this marital covenant, this relationship.

And when they do that, they are putting their spouse in the place that really belongs to Jesus.

And we cannot, and Peter's saying that we should not.

When we ask another human being to do what only God can do, we eventually begin trying to control that person.

Because now we're trying to dictate them to live in a way that meets needs for us.

But when our deepest trust is in God, that's when we become more free to genuinely love the way we're created to.

Meaning that when I know who I am because of who God is in me and not based on my value of what my spouse thinks of me, that means I don't have to win every argument.

I don't have to control every outcome.

I don't have to make my spouse prove my worth.

I can serve, forgive, repent, I can listen, I can love others like Jesus loves me.

And like I've said many times, it's easy for me to read those points off to you.

It's easy to say the words.

It's much harder when I think I'm right to not win the argument.

It's much harder to lay down my pride when I'm like, well, you're wrong and you need to listen.

It's much harder to forgive and to repent and to listen when I want to speak.

But that's what we're called to.

And when we put ourselves under the submission of Christ as our Lord, as Jesus is the leader of our lives, then those things become more natural for us.

And the more you put those things into practice, the more naturally you'll be able to live them out in your home and in your marriage.

A godly marriage is built by people whose deepest trust is in God, not by controlling the other, not by hoping the other's gonna change into a person that will meet all your needs, but by growing with them in your relationship with Jesus, which brings us to our last tension this morning.

Does your strength bring honor?

Husbands, it's your turn now.

Verse 7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as a weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

Notice the word likewise, it matters here.

So the wife is not the only person whose behavior must come under the lordship of Jesus.

The husband does too.

From a historical point of view, this is very significant because a Roman husband possessed far greater power over his family.

And Peter turns to the person with power and essentially says, You will answer to God for how you use it.

And he begins with this live with your wives in an understanding way.

The Greek word, the wording here, has the idea of living together according to knowledge.

In other words, know who your wife is.

Understand her, pay attention to her.

Christian husbands are called to become students of their wives.

I love that terminology because when I was in Bible school, my professor said, as a youth minister, you need to be students of culture.

You have to understand the world in which students are living so you can reach them, you can speak their language, so you can understand them.

And so I used to joke, I would go to the movies, they're like, why are you going to that movie?

I was like, to be a student of culture.

And here Peter is saying essentially the same thing to husbands, Christian husbands.

He's saying, hey, become a student of your wives.

What encourages her?

What burdens her?

What hurts her?

What makes her feel heard?

What season of life is she actually in?

What has changed?

Because people do change.

So a husband cannot say, Well, don't worry, I've been married 30 years.

I already know everything this is to know about her.

No.

Faithful love keeps learning.

You cannot love someone well if you refuse to learn who they actually are.

Then Peter says, showing honor to the woman as a weaker vessel.

Ladies, just listen.

That phrase deserves care.

Peter is not talking down to women as inferior.

He is saying, uh, he is not saying that women are less intelligent or less capable.

The most likely understanding involves physical strength or perhaps social vulnerability.

So in the Roman household, men generally possess greater physical strength and societal power.

But notice what Peter does with that strength and that power.

He says, You have the greater strength or power, use it to honor.

That is the kingdom way, which again echoes the words of Jesus in Mark 10, 42 and 43.

Jesus tells his disciples, You know that those who are considered rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them.

But it shall not be so among you.

But whoever would be great among you must be your servant.

Kingdom power is not permission to control the other.

Peter uses the Greek word for honor here, to me, which means honor, value, worth, esteem.

And Peter says, husbands, you should actively give to me to your wives.

Funny that that Greek word is spelled T-I-M-E.

Give time to your wives.

Teme, honor.

Right?

Earlier Peter said, honor everyone.

Now he brings it home.

Honor your wife.

Honor her, value her, listen to her, protect her dignity.

Take her thoughts seriously.

Speak well of her.

Refuse to humiliate her.

Use whatever strength, influence, ability, leadership you have for her betterment.

In a culture where women were treated socially lower, Peter commands Christian husbands to assign them honor.

Then comes the reason why.

Since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, this is enormous.

Women were not heirs.

They couldn't inherit after their husband dies.

But here, Peter says, whatever inequality existed socially in Peter's time and in his world before God, they inherit together.

She is not spiritually downstream from her husband.

He does not receive more Jesus.

She does not receive less grace.

They stand together before God as recipients of the same salvation.

And then Peter delivers perhaps the strongest warning in the passage.

He says, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

Husbands, think about that.

Peter tells us that the way we treat our wives can affect the spiritual life before God.

Meaning that we cannot mistreat our spouses Monday through Saturday and then assume everything is fine when we pray on Sunday.

You cannot humiliate your wife and call yourself spiritually mature.

You cannot dishonor someone God calls a co-heir and imagine that God is indifferent.

God takes the way you treat his daughter seriously.

That brings Peter to the point at the center of discipleship.

How we live in love at home is not separate from our spiritual walk.

It's a part of our spiritual life.

And that is why marriage is so important to our spiritual witness.

So what do we do with this, church?

How do we leave this place today?

First, we have to let our life speak.

The people closest to us should see the evidence that Jesus is actually changing our lives.

Second, we have to let God define what is precious.

Build your life on the kind of character that does not fade.

And then third, use your strength and uh your strength to honor whatever influence, power, ability, authority that you have been given, let that move towards service, not domination.

So we come back to the Peter, the question that Peter's been addressing his whole letter.

Can people see Jesus in the way that we live?

For those of us who are married, one of the clearest places that witness begins is in our marriage.

So wives, love and honor your husbands in such a way that they never have to question whether you are for them, that they see, feel, and experience a wife who is not simply beside them, but truly with them, a partner who encourages, respects, and walks alongside them.

And then husbands, love, honor, respect, and serve your wives in such a way that they never have to question how precious they are to you.

Let your words, your actions, your priorities, and the way you treat them communicate that.

Apart from Jesus, there is no one more valuable to you.

Because marriage was never intended to be a competition for power or position.

It is a partnership of two people equally valued before God, learning to love one another as Christ has loved us.

And when a husband and wife begin to live this way, something beautiful happens.

Our marriages become places of transformation.

Not because we're perfect, not because uh we've done something great, but because Jesus is changing us.

We learn to listen, to serve, to put one another before ourselves.

But hear me, church, none of this works the way God intended if Jesus is not at the foundation.

Your spouse cannot carry the weight of being your Savior.

Your husband cannot fulfill your deepest needs of your soul.

Your wife cannot give you the identity, security, completeness that only Jesus can provide.

So when we stop expecting our spouses to give us only what Jesus can give, we become free to finally love them the way that Jesus has called us to love, not out of fear, not out of obligation, not because we're trying to get something in return, but because we have already been loved so completely by Jesus.

And that is when our homes become places where grace isn't merely talked about, it's lived out.

And that's when our marriages become witness to the transforming power of Jesus.

So the people who know us most closely should encounter the character of Jesus in us.

Because how we love at home is a direct reflection of the Jesus that we claim to serve.

So this morning I've I've talked a lot about this and I've said the name of Jesus plenty of times.

But I just need you to know if you came here today because someone brought you, maybe it was your spouse who was like, You're coming.

I'm cashing in my chips, and you're gonna come to this church.

And maybe you're sitting here and you've you've heard this message and you feel something stirring.

That's the spirit calling you into relationship.

Being a Christian isn't being having all your life put together and being perfect, and then saying, Okay, God, use me.

As you are, God says, I want you to come into right relationship with me.

All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, all of us.

We're all sinners.

We've all failed.

There's no perfect person in the world except one.

That was Christ, that was Jesus.

And he came and he gave his life, and he died on that cross and rose again so that we would be made right.

How great is that! A free gift given to you today.

So if you're here today and you've never accepted that, you can in this moment.

And what's great is it it's not about some special prayer, it's not about feeling the right feelings, it's just about submitting to the call that God has for your life, to receiving the righteousness he wants to give you.

So today, if that's you, if you've never surrendered your life to God, you can, right where you're at.

You just say yes to Jesus.

You just say, Jesus, I believe.

I believe you're the Son of God, I believe that you lived the perfect life that you died and you rose again.

That's it.

The Bible says, when you confess with your mouth and believe in your heart that Christ is Lord, then you are saved.

Man, and then watch what happens.

God loves to take wild, broken, crazy people and turn them into faithful followers.

If you would have looked back 30 years ago, a line of kids, and said, Oh, God's gonna use that one, you wouldn't have said that about me.

You would have been like, Well, some people are just meant to be doomed.

Thank goodness our God doesn't look at us the same way.

Good thing he looks at us with a grace and love and tenderness that is never-ending.

That desire for us to come to know him so he can say, Watch what I can do.

So believe me when I say that if you give your life to Jesus, things can change.

It can, because I'm a testament to the power and change of Christ.

Let us pray.

Lord, thank you for this church.

Lord, thank you for people who are willing to sit under your word, Lord, and say, Lord, shape us into the men and women you've created us to be.

Lord, I confess, God, I have not lived up to the standard that you've called at times as a husband.

Lord, I have failed to lay my pride down, Lord, or to lead with humility.

So, Jesus, would you help us as husbands, as wives, to live faithfully in the way that you've called us?

God, that we would not be content with where we're at, but Lord, that we would long to learn and love each other all the days of our lives, becoming a witness to those closest to us of the transforming work you've done in our lives.

And God, for those who've experienced the brokenness or or some of the worst parts of hurtful relationships, God, would you restore?

God, for women who've experienced the the tragic uh misinterpretations of verses like these, would you just redeem?

Would you would you heal?

Would you call them back?

And Lord, for those, God, who are living it out faithfully, would you bless?

God, would you continue to use it as a light for those who are coming up, Lord?

As a hope for those who maybe are struggling.

Jesus, we just thank you for not giving up on us.

Thank you for loving us.

And thank you for always giving us your grace.

In your name, amen.