Life On purpose | I Don't Need Luck

We've been in a series called Life on Purpose.

We've been studying the book of Colossians, and I'm really excited to lean in today to uh a discussion, a message on marriage.

Um I uh, you know, when I got married, um, you know, I I remember proposing to my wife, and after, shortly thereafter, she told me all the people, and by all I mean all the people who would be her bridesmaids.

And I remember going through a momentary sudden panic of what am I gonna do?

And in and meeting strangers and asking them to be my groomsmen, you know.

And we didn't we didn't have a traditional wedding, it was an outside wedding, and and uh we didn't we didn't have like all the uh bride's family and people sit on one side and all the grooms on the other.

You know what I'm saying?

You know why, right?

Because my side would be empty and her side would be over in overflow.

So uh I remember on our wedding, though, being so honored and humbled.

I grew up in Kansas City, we're getting married in Dallas, and I remember I remember being so honored by all the people who drove or flew from Kansas City just to be there at our wedding.

And I remember standing there and seeing them, and I I can't believe you came and and I can't believe you made this trip and people saying we wouldn't miss it for the world.

How many of y'all are thankful for people who are behind you and encourage you?

And on a day like the day you get married, that's a big deal because how many of y'all know, I sure hope all those people stay with us because we're gonna need all the help we can get.

And as I as I reflected on this, I was also reminded of the day after.

We're on our honeymoon and we got married really young, and we went to all adult, all-inclusive, probably the first time I could ever step into a 21-year-old place anyway.

I remember we're standing in line for dinner at this resort in Mexico, and the lady in front of me, she strikes up a conversation and she looks at our rings and she says, Are y'all married?

And I was like, Well, yeah, check it out, you know?

And uh she said, Oh, well, I thought you were like 12 years old.

And I was like, uh, after I overcame the shock and listened to her story of uh marriage and failed marriage and this and that, I remember getting to the end and she looked at us before she left and she said, Well, good luck.

She said, I hope you can actually make it.

And I remember thinking to them like those, we went, how many of y'all know?

We went from cloud nine to real fast.

At 24 hours fresh to marriage, the world was already applying its pressure on the very thing God intended to succeed, was already speaking against it.

If you've been there, you've been there.

Today, as we talk about this, I've titled the message for her.

She's watching online from Mexico.

The title of the message is I don't need luck.

I don't need luck.

Turn to your neighbor and say, I don't need luck.

I'm not saying marriage is easy.

I'm not saying we're perfect.

I'm not saying we have it all figured out.

But one thing I do know, I've been married this year for 15 years, and there are a lot of people in this room who have been married for longer.

You have more experience.

You know things that I don't know.

And there's a lot that I don't know, but the one thing that I do know is I don't need luck when I have this.

I don't need luck when I have this.

Uh as we think about it this morning, I just want to encourage you with the message.

Marriage is work.

Marriage is work.

But it works when we work at it God's way.

Marriage is always work.

Even for the Christian, even for the believer.

The number of people I've met, and they say, Well, I gave my life to Jesus, I can't figure out why she ain't got all fixed up yet.

I thought if I said yes to Jesus, that then this would be easy, but I'm here to tell you today that marriages work.

Just ask my wife.

I'm here today to tell you that marriages work, but when you work at it God's way, it changes everything.

You know, I'm not gonna lie, there's a lot of landmines in 2026 set out to destroy your marriage.

There are so many things in so many places.

There's so much influence, there's so much pressure, there's so much negativity around marriage today, we are in a battle.

And there are landmines everywhere.

I want to illustrate it to you this morning a little bit like this.

Let's just say for a moment that this morning I came in before service and and underneath the stage I laid a bunch of landmines.

And I asked who would be an unwilling volunteer today that I will call upon.

And you made the decision to come up here and I said, You have one job today.

You have a job, and that is to survive and come out alive on the other side of this stage.

Now listen, when you're bald, you just sweat more, right?

So you be sweating, you'd be nervous, you'd be leery of every step.

Maybe your confidence that you came in with today, maybe it would diminish and you would get up here, and maybe you think you're pretty good at a lot of stuff, but you wouldn't be so sure about being good at this.

Sometimes that's how marriage can feel.

Sometimes you're like, I got life, I know what I'm doing, I got it all figured out, and then you get married and realize you're not as awesome as you thought you were.

Marriage has got landmines.

If I told you that in order to get to the other side, if I said, Oh, by the way, I have a piece of information you might want to know.

That information is this I've created a map and I have strategically placed every landmine in accordance with this map.

I'm going to give you this map so you can make it to the other side.

If you, in front of all of your friends right here, said, No, don't worry about it, I got this.

I'm really good.

And you put that map in your backpack.

They said, I'm pretty good at a lot of things.

I think I can figure this thing out.

If you put that map in your backpack, you are going out of here in a body bag, somebody.

Am I right?

If I gave you that map and I said, hey, if you use this map, you're guaranteed to get out of here alive.

And you say, that's fine, that's great.

Just put it in my backpack.

I'm kind of busy right now not trying to step on landmines.

Just put it in my backpack.

When I have time, I will read it or I'll get to it.

You too would be walking out of here, not walking out of here, be carried out of here in a body bag.

Why?

Because you didn't take time to stop and read the map that was designed to get you through the landmines.

As I think about marriage, I think it's a lot the same.

There's a lot of landmines in this world, and you can don't have to be afraid of them.

I'm not encouraging you today to be leery or afraid of what the world is going to throw at you in your marriage.

I'm just telling you, you're just going to need a map to get through it.

I'm just telling you, that's why Psalm 119, verse 105 says this your word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.

Psalms 119:105

There is a way through the landmines if you will just use the word of God.

Your marriage will work, but the only way your marriage is going to work is if you have God and His Word instructing every step to get to the other side.

Who in here wants to get out alive?

Bless God.

All the wives are like, please, please, you know.

Today's message is this the heart and the hope is this that God would speak to you about marriage.

Now, a quick note, I know there are people in the room, and you're thinking right now, I'm not married.

One of the things I have a hard time about a message like this is giving it because I'm in a room full of all kinds of people with all kinds of walks of life.

And I just want you to know I have to give this message today.

And the reason I have to give this message today is because marriage is under attack.

Why do I have to give this message?

Because everybody else out there is gonna give their message and our message is better.

And so I want to encourage you this morning.

If a woman on my honeymoon who had no faith can prophesy death over my marriage, then how many of you know, people with faith in the room, we can start prophesying life today over the thing God designed?

And you may be thinking, oh, well, Pastor, you're just so confident and arrogant and cocky.

Like, what that's not faith.

Listen to me.

My grandmother passed away this year.

They were in their mid-90s, and uh I got to thinking about it this week.

If I live to the age of my grandparents, baby, like it, love it, or hate it, we will be married for 73 years.

Come on, I haven't done it yet, so don't applaud yet.

Just I have every intention of doing that.

Nobody went to their wedding day, stood there and took a bow and said, Hey, you know, as we say our vows, I just want to tell you, I don't think this thing is going to work.

No, that's not the that's not the call of your heart.

And so today, as we re-center around God's word, here's what I want to do: I want the word of the Lord to put a seed back in there again.

A seed that marriage is designed to work when we do it God's way.

And as as we talk about this and navigate this, there are people in the room and you're thinking, well, I'm single, then you should be taking more notes than anybody else.

I'm just telling you, there's not a thing that I say today, single people, that you can't benefit from.

Why?

Because what you do to your spouse really isn't about your spouse, it really is about your walk with the Lord, Ephesians chapter 5.

Ephesians 5 · chapter mention

So you get good at walking with the Lord, I can tell you this your wife, your husband is going to be blessed one day by the deposit you put inside of yourself today.

They're gonna reap the benefit.

Your marriage is gonna reap the blessing of that in the future.

So take some notes, somebody.

Maybe you're in the room and there's another group of people, and this message is hard for you because you're a widow.

It strikes a chord, it resonates with you.

And I I want to encourage you today with this.

Your marriage is still living today in a way you don't know about.

What do I mean?

I mean, we live, the Bible says, in a crooked and perverse generation who has pursued their own way.

And your marriage and your experience, what God did good in you, is the light this world needs a little bit more of.

Which means if you have grandkids and they're going through it in their marriage, they need your voice.

It means that if you're in the room today and your spouse is not here and this hurts to even hear or think about, here's what I want you to know.

God wants to do something in you and through you today.

Why?

Because you've always been married to the Lord.

You're connected with Him.

So maybe there's an impartation in you while you sit in your seat today and you pray for the marriages of the young parents in the room today who are going through it, and your impartation as you sit in this chair, your showing up to church today is a testament that they can do it too.

There is a strength that God wants to speak to all of us.

Maybe you're in the room today and you're divorced and you're thinking, man, this is such a hard topic for me.

Because every time we talk about it, the shame and the guilt arises.

Maybe the sense of failure or the sense of unmet expectation begins to well up in you.

And here's what I would say to you today: the Lord wants to minister to you, He wants to encourage you.

Today's word is not to be hard to you.

Today's word is to give you life.

It's to be a medicine, a healing salve on whatever wound you may have.

And here's what I want you to know: God can redeem anything, God can do something new in you.

So maybe you get a word today that God is depositing for what's next and the next season of your life.

You hold on to the word and let it lead you.

Colossians chapter 3.

Colossians 3 · chapter mention

I don't need luck.

Colossians chapter 3.

Colossians 3 · chapter mention

There's not a lot of passages in scripture actually on marriage specifically.

In other words, I mean it does talk about marriage, but it's not like an overwhelming amount.

But I want you to know this.

But when it does speak on marriage, it's pretty loud about it.

Y'all know any loud people?

You're like, I live with one.

That's why we're talking about marriage today, Pastor.

Come on.

It doesn't talk about marriage a lot, but when it does, it says what it means, and it means what it says.

It's pretty strong.

Colossians chapter 3, here's what Paul is writing to the church.

Colossians 3 · chapter mention

Remember, we just came out of Colossians chapter 3, where he's saying, there's some ways that you're gonna have to put off.

Colossians 3 · chapter mention

There's some new things.

Now that you follow Jesus, you're gonna have to put on some new ways of living.

And he goes on and he finishes all that up to say this in chapter 3, verse 17: whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Verse 18 wives, submit to your husbands as is fitting to the Lord.

Husbands, love your wives, and do not, by the way, rules of engagement today, do not elbow your spouse.

Just saying.

Do not be harsh with them.

Whatever you do, work heartily as for the Lord and not for men.

In verse 24, knowing that, listen, from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward.

God is doing something in eternity with what you do in your marriage today.

So many times in our relationships, what we can do is, I did this for you.

Why aren't you doing anything for me?

We got it all backwards.

We're always looking for the outcome right here and right now.

Give me a microwave, somebody.

Bless God.

My kids live on chicken nuggets and mac and cheese sometimes.

Why?

Because around our house, sometimes we just we just need a fast.

And in today's world, what we can do in our marriage is we can do something and think, I'm expecting something in return.

We're expecting an outcome right here.

But here's what the Lord is setting up for you.

It's time for you to think different because what you're doing in your marriage today isn't about just what's happening right here.

It's about what's happening in eternity, and your reward is not here, it's there.

He is giving a paradigm shift for us, knowing that listen to this line: you are serving the Lord Christ.

You're serving the Lord.

Everything you do in your marriage is not just to serve your husband.

It's not just to serve your wife.

Everything that you do in this life is as unto the Lord.

It's worship.

Listen, some of y'all get excited to come to church.

You love worship.

I love worship.

But here's what I want you to know: worship in here and worship out there.

Worship in here and song, but worship at home with service.

It's worship in here singing loud and raising your hands.

And it's worship at home that when your spouse has had a hard day or a challenging situation or is going through something, it is those same hands that worship that serve.

The worship that you do in here is just as powerful as the worship you do out there.

Why?

Because you're serving the Lord Jesus Christ.

Paul is giving the key to a strong family.

He's laying it out there.

Now listen, Paul's not like me.

He doesn't have a 20-point sermon and a poem for you today.

He's not giving you all the details.

He literally has a line: wives submit, husbands love.

The end, enjoy lunch.

Well, Paul, don't you want to talk a little bit about what you mean by submit?

Because I think what you meant, Paul, was we would like a little bit more detail.

But what Paul is doing is he's just laying out some guidelines.

Why?

Because a bunch of people just found some freedom in Jesus they had never experienced before.

And now that they're free, you know what free people do?

They act free, they do free stuff.

And Paul is, he said, okay, but before you go, you need to know a guideline.

Wait a minute, I thought you said we were free.

Oh, you are free in Christ, but there are still some guidelines that go along with it.

This is a hard message for the American church.

Why?

Because we love our freedom and we don't like our guidelines.

Listen, I almost got pulled over twice in one week.

Listen, somebody, I gotta follow the rules.

Just because I'm free doesn't mean I can do what I want.

And this is what he's laying out.

I want to give it to you like a little picture of this.

It's the idea that a king died.

When the king died, he was a harsh king and he had a lot of rules and a lot of legalism and he was oppressive on the people, and the people all revolted after he died and said, We're not gonna do that anymore.

They gathered a town hall, and everybody got together and decided there are no more laws.

Tom and Joe got in their car after the town hall meeting, so excited for their newfound freedom, they got in their car and ran into each other in the parking lot.

Tom got out of his car, started yelling at Joe.

They're having a fighting match out in the parking lot, and Tom says, Well, I'm free, I can do what I want.

And Joe says, Well, we should have some guidelines so this doesn't happen again.

And they're having this conversation, and Tom says, Well, that's taking away my freedom.

But how many of y'all know if you don't follow the guidelines, you're not as free as you think you are?

The guidelines don't take away your freedom, they protect your freedom.

The guidelines are there, how many you know, sometimes the greatest enemy of freedom is freedom itself.

So, what Paul is doing, he's coming to the church saying, Hey church, listen up.

I know you found all this new freedom in Christ, I know you think all this, but here's what I want you to know there are some guidelines for your household and how it works.

There is going to be strength in your household if you do it God's way.

He's laying out some guidelines.

Why?

Because he believes that of all places, the church of Jesus Christ should be the one place in the world that gets marriage right.

Am I right?

Of all places, this should be the place.

Paul is saying, listen, we can't miss this.

Don't get so excited about your freedom and your life and your ways that you forget what God is doing.

He's winning the world on the testimony of the household.

As he's doing this, he's laying out a guideline.

So, what is the guideline that he lays out?

Well, you uh I I'm gonna paint them today as like keys to a strong marriage Friday night.

Anybody ever been locked out of your house?

I'm gonna blame it on my kids because they're in the room next door and they don't know I'm saying it, but uh we came home from a trip and uh our garage in the door, uh the door into the house was locked, and I'm standing there at 10 o'clock at night and I'm thinking, what am I gonna do now?

I'm I'm supposed to preach a message.

I'm being a holy good leader of the household and husband.

I just want to fall apart in the garage right here in front of my whole family.

Right?

They're tired, they're they're whining, everybody needs something.

And how many of y'all know it preaches easy on Sunday, but it lives hard on Monday?

I'm thinking, what am I gonna do?

So I had this genius idea from the Holy Spirit.

I I decided I'm gonna go check and see if there are any windows unlocked in my house.

So I'm traipsing through the landscape and destroying every flower we got.

I'm climbing up on the windows that peek up over the diet.

I'm pulling myself up, peeking into my own house at 10 o'clock at night, somebody.

Don't call the cops on me.

I get to the back of the house and I find a window that had been left unlocked, bless God for my five-year-old.

I ripped the screen, ripped it off of the window, and I'm climbing in through that window.

And how many of y'all know that's a pretty awkward thing to do?

How many of you know about the time I was halfway through the window, I thought, what am I doing with my life right now?

It's awkward.

What if I get stuck?

Listen, it I was finding a way in that house.

Here's what I think we've done in marriage oftentimes.

We've found a way in that was never designed to be the way in.

And what happens is, you know what I realized in that moment?

You know, life is a lot better with a key and a door.

Sometimes I forget that.

Why?

Because I'm so used to coming in the front door with my key.

I'm so used to coming in the garage door with a remote control.

How many of y'all know sometimes you need a little perspective in life?

And as I'm trying to climb in through the window, here's what I'm thinking of.

I'm thinking, how many times in my life am I trying to take a route or use an entrance point that the Lord never created for me?

Sometimes in our marriage, that's what we're doing, just to get by.

And we try all these routes and all these ways, and the Lord says, No, no, no, I have a key for you and a door for you.

Would you like to go in?

And the answer today is yes.

So, number one, wives, submit to your husbands.

I'm gonna leave now.

Just leave it there.

I I told First Service, I said, I think I'm just gonna read this so that I don't say anything dumb today, okay?

When I use the word submit, I understand that there are people in the room your skin is crawling right now.

Just at the sound of the word.

Why?

Because we live in a culture and a generation and a day and age that hates the word.

Your pastor has spent all week sweating and praying about this message for this one part right here.

I'm serious.

And I was thinking about why is that?

Because we live in a culture that has taught us again submission.

Why?

I think it's because it's the number one thing the enemy refuses to do himself.

Why is he in the position he's in?

Because he refuses to worship him.

So what's the number one thing he's gonna do?

Be like me.

How many of y'all have had a friend who had a bad experience with church?

Raise your hands, it's okay.

Lots.

Then my question to you today is why are you still here?

The point is this just because somebody had a bad experience doesn't make the truth of church any less real or powerful.

So the challenge when we start having a message like this is you might be ready to tune me out because you already have some preconceived ideas based off some experiences that have happened in your life or in the culture, in the world that we live in, and you would risk kicking truth out the door because of experience, and it can never work that way.

Truth is truth no matter what has happened.

The word of God is the word of God.

It works no matter what our experience in life is, and we have to make a decision.

I refuse to allow what the world has distorted become my reality.

I'm gonna make the decision.

I'm going with God and I'm gonna do it his way.

So, ladies, I'm gonna give you all the things that submission is not.

Submission is not a repressed, downtrodden woman who is a victim of an uncontrollable and unbearable husband.

You should be praising Jesus now.

Okay, or not.

Submission is not a free Christian pass for abuse, adultery, or abandonment.

It is not a hashtag, it's not a tagline that we throw over abusive situations and say, well, well, this is what it is.

Submit.

That is not what scripture is talking about.

Submission is not making your value lesser so that your husband's value can be greater.

I think the greatest example of this is Jesus himself.

Jesus had a submissive spirit.

And you're like, how?

He was Jesus.

He already is the King of kings and the Lord of Lords.

How could he do that?

Well, listen to everything that Jesus said.

Jesus said, the things that I'm telling you today are not my own words, but whose?

The Father's words in heaven.

What is he doing?

He's submitting not to his words, but to the words of the Father.

He's got a spirit of submission.

What did Jesus do?

Jesus said, I only do the things that I've seen my Father in heaven doing.

What's he doing?

He is submitting to the leadership and the lordship and the rule of God the Father.

Now, can I ask you a question?

Is Jesus have any less value because he submitted?

Absolutely not.

It's how he came into the world and did what he did and saw the results that he saw.

It's the same thing in our marriages.

Submission doesn't make you a non-equal.

It does not take away from what God has placed inside of you.

Listen, when done correctly, it will help you cultivate, in fact, all of the things that God did put in you.

It will make you better.

It will make you stronger.

It will make you healthier.

Number four, submission is not encouragement for a man to have domineering control over another human.

It's not encouragement for a domineering, controlling spirit to reside in your house.

I love how Peter tells it to the leaders of the church.

In 1 Peter, here's what he says: He gives this encouragement: Shepherd the flock.

He's saying, lead the flock, have authority over the flock that is among you, exercising oversight, not under compulsion, but willingly, as God would have you, not for shameful gain, but eagerly, not domineering over those in your charge, but being an example to the flock.

Being an example to the flock.

Listen right here, he's laying out, you're taking another scripture right here, and you're and you're pulling these scriptures together to realize what he's saying is submission does not mean that the man has the ability or the authority to domineer in a controlling way.

I had a gentleman after church on a Sunday morning catch me in the parking lot.

After the parking lot, I'm ready.

You gotta tell me the message was amazing.

He grabbed me by the arm and he said, Listen, I gotta tell you something.

I can never come back to this church.

I said, Why can you never come back to this church?

He said, Because you don't have control of your wife.

And I was like, He got the finger out too.

You know what I'm saying?

The finger, you know it's bad.

I'm getting an email tomorrow too, probably, you know.

And I I just I didn't know what to say.

I was trying to remind myself, you are the pastor, just keep your pastor hat on, okay?

Don't lose it.

And uh he said, he said, how is my family supposed to know how to be a good, strong family if your wife won't submit to you because you're you're you don't have control over her?

And I said, What are you talking about?

He said, We're gonna have to find another church.

And I looked up and said, I think it'd be a good idea.

I can recommend one down the road, actually.

You know?

Some of y'all like, I can't believe you said I really did.

Here's what he was twisting and contorting.

He had a problem with my wife having a microphone in her hand, by the way, but here's here here's really what he was getting at.

He's he's confusing submission with control.

Because I don't have to control my wife.

Why?

Did Jesus do that the day you got saved?

Did Jesus have to control you to make a decision?

Did he have to dominate over you to get you to make a decision to say yes to him?

The answer is absolutely not.

How did he do it?

He led you by his grace, in his mercy, in his kindness, and his compassion.

He led you.

He did not dominate you.

You made a choice.

Listen, my wife, I don't have to listen, I laughed after he left, okay?

I laughed.

Because he's right, I do not have control over my wife.

You know why?

I don't have to have control over someone who has already submitted.

The distortion is is is tricky.

The enemy is gonna twist scripture, he's gonna breathe on it and get you to believe it.

And if we do, we will tear up what God made for good.

We will destroy the thing that he gave to give us for life.

So Ephesians chapter 5, verse 22, wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord.

Ephesians 5:22

For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its savior.

Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit everything to their husbands.

Now, listen, ladies, you're gonna feel like I gave you a really long point today, and the men get a really short one.

That's probably true, okay?

But it's just because we just need it simple, okay?

But I want to remind you, all the things that I just said in this point, I just want to make sure I still have a date for lunch after church, okay?

I want to remind you, all the things I just said in this point were all things to help you out.

So that you know, and the spouse next to you knows what it's not.

So, what is submission?

Submission is this it's to be yielded, it's to yield oneself to the authority or of the will of another.

Submission is submitting to your husband the way that you submit to Jesus.

I don't, I've never had a woman come down front and say, I just don't want to submit to Jesus.

No, no.

Your heart yearns to do the thing that you were made to do.

You are designed by God to live in relationship with him and submit to him.

Here's what's gonna happen: the more you submit to Jesus, the easier it's going to be to submit to your husband.

If you're not submitted to Jesus, then you're not gonna be submitted to your husband.

It goes both ways.

It's a double-sided coin.

You are not submitted to Jesus if you're also not submitted to your husband.

Why?

This is his word.

This is his instruction.

My wife is free-spirited, fun, loving, strong-willed, but she loves the Lord.

This is not about personality.

This isn't I got that kind of personality or I don't.

I'm a strong, independent woman.

No, no, there is a sense in which what we are saying is this Jesus, I am going to live by your word, no matter what anyone else does in my life.

If my husband doesn't do the dishes, I'm still following his leadership.

If my husband doesn't help around the house when I want to, I'm still following his leadership.

If he's not present for me emotionally, I will still submit to his leadership in our household.

Why?

Because you're not doing it for him.

You're doing it for the Lord.

Submit as unto the Lord.

And when you submit as unto the Lord, here's what happens: your marriage reaps the benefit of it.

Number two, men, are you ready?

Wives say, I'm ready.

Number two, husbands, love your wives.

Do not be harsh with her.

Ephesians chapter 5, verse 25.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church.

Listen, what does it mean to love her?

He gave himself up for her.

Love is not simply a date night every once in a while at Parries.

Love is not an act that you do just to make up for a fight that happened in the house.

He sacrificed himself for her.

Why?

That he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

What is Jesus doing?

He's making his bride better.

What's our call?

It's really simple, men, to be more like Jesus.

I'm not saying you're gonna be perfect.

I'm not saying you're always gonna get it right.

I'm not even pretending to act like you're always gonna be able to read her mind.

Here's what I'm saying.

I'm saying you're gonna have a heart and a posture that says, I want to be more like Jesus, and Jesus makes his bride better, then that's what I'm here to do today.

I'm here to make her better.

I'm gonna love her until she's better.

I'm gonna serve her until she's better.

I'm gonna give her strength where she feels weak.

I'm gonna listen to her needs, I'm gonna empathize.

Listen, gentlemen, I know some of you would say, I don't have an emotion in my body.

Then you better find one for the sake of Jesus Christ and his bride.

Why?

Because it's what he did for you, he didn't ask if you deserved it.

There's no disclaimers on this.

If they're treating you with respect, then you should love her.

It doesn't say that.

It says that you make a decision in your life.

I'm doing this for Jesus, and Jesus says to love her, listen, I've worked with my wife for almost 10 years.

By work, I mean we've had offices right next to each other for almost 10 years.

I meet people all the time, guys.

I meet guys all the time, and they say, You work with your wife?

I'm like, Well yeah.

And they're like, I could never do that.

And again, the pastor has stays on, so I don't say what I'm really thinking.

But now that I have a microphone, I've already said a lot of things today, I'm just gonna say right now.

My first response I want to say, my gut says, tell them, then you're doing something wrong.

I don't understand.

Uh listen, I'm not talking about personality.

I know, I know, but listen.

The person that you chose to spend the rest of your life with, the one who, when you were dating, you just wanted more time with?

The one you couldn't stay away, you don't want to be close to that person?

Listen, I feel so blessed that I get to work with my spouse.

Why?

Not because we're perfect and not because we have it all figured out.

Why?

Because at the end of the day, is she not the most valuable gift the Lord has ever given me?

At the end of the day, is it not more important than my golfing outing?

Is it not more important than your hunting outing?

Listen, sometimes there's gonna be times when you have to sacrifice what you want to do for what they need you to do.

I'm not railing at us today, I'm just saying there is a conscious choice that we have to make.

It's not about me today, but such is the Christian life.

And if you don't want to do it for her, then I'm gonna tell you something.

Then do it for Jesus.

Because every day Jesus calls you to do something you don't want to do.

And when you submit and when you sacrifice, and when you surrender, and you take a cue from your wife, who, when you weren't very lovely that day, she served and submitted anyway, and you take a cue from that and you say, you know what?

I'm gonna do this for Jesus.

I'm gonna submit.

I'm gonna love.

I'm gonna be gracious.

I've known since I was 16 years old that I was gonna preach.

I felt called at a youth camp, and I spent the next 12 years preaching and being in church life.

When we went to seminary, my wife uh got way better grades than I did.

She got asked to do the commencement speech.

She had a 4.0.

I did not, I will not tell you what I had.

She's way smarter than me.

There are so many times, men, I want you to know something.

There's so many times, listen, last week was one of them.

I sat on the front row and I learned things from my wife.

Submission does not mean they have nothing to say.

Submission means, listen, that they are honoring, that they are taking your leadership.

And I sat on the front row and I learned things from my wife, just like I do at home all the time.

Men, if you're not teachable, then there's a problem.

I learned things from her all the time.

And I remember sitting on the commencement speech and watching her preach the pain off the walls, and I remember the Lord tapping me on the shoulder.

You see, I'd spend my whole life, I'm ready to preach, I'm ready to go, let's go, let's do this thing.

And I remember the Lord tapping me on the shoulder.

He said, You see that?

And I was like, Yeah, and he's like, That's your gift.

And he asked me a question.

He said, Will you sit on the front row for her for the rest of your life?

And in that moment, here's the decision I had to make.

Lord, if it meant I never preached another day and I sat right here, I would do it.

Why?

Because the Lord has given me a gift in her, and it is my job to make her better.

I don't always do that.

My flesh comes out, my human tendencies come out, but here's what I know: I know that He has given me a gift, and the question is, what am I gonna do?

What are you gonna do?

What's on your heart today?

Because the reality is this, man or woman in the room, there is a seed inside your spouse that you are made to water.

What's the heart of it?

There's a seed in your spouse that you are made to water, and when you water it, I'm telling you what, you're gonna build a wife.

You're gonna build a husband, you're gonna build strength in your home.

Your kids are gonna have a model of something to follow when they live in a world that says everything but, in a world that has stepped on every landmine that there is, there will be people who look at your house and say, Hey, I know you're all aren't perfect, but how did you make it to the other side when the rest of us got all hung up back here?

And you say, Well, let me tell you something about loving Jesus.

That it when you love Jesus, it doesn't make you perfect, but when you love Jesus, it does help you on the path of marriage.

I'm gonna invite my unwilling wife to come up here.

I told her this morning you're coming to do an illustration.

And uh said, I'm not telling you what it is.

She said, I submit.

Thanks for being here.

Uh when we got uh in Ephesians chapter 5, it says this.

Ephesians 5 · chapter mention

And the two shall become one flesh.

For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother, a woman shall leave her father and mother.

When we first got married, her dad used to always say, when we were leaving the house, she'd hug all of her sisters and be hugging on them, and and he would get her at the door and he'd gently, lovingly push her out and say, Leave and cleave, woman, leave and cleave.

What he went meant was, You're not on my bill anymore, baby.

She's with me.

But here's what happened at our marriage, and here's what happened at your wedding ceremony, whether you know it or not.

We're each have our own life.

And each way, we all have our own God-given callings, personalities, identities.

We all had a life that we were living.

Listen, inside of every single one of you is a seed that God put inside of you that looks like Him.

You're made in the image of God.

You're living your life.

But somewhere along the way, we made the decision you know what?

I can keep climbing my ladder, I can keep chasing my life.

But I realized something.

I would be a whole lot better with her.

So I convinced her.

I said, Hey, you want to do this thing called life with me?

And we got married, and the day we got married, here's what I want you to see: a visual picture of what happened.

The day we got married, we died.

My life died.

The life I now live in Christ is very different.

The life I now live in marriage is very similar.

It's different.

And so the day we got married, when we set our vows, here's what we made the decision to do.

I no longer have the right and freedom to live my own life the way that I want.

Why?

Because the two have become one flesh.

What God has joined together, let nothing, no man or nothing in the world pull them apart.

We made the decision, and here's what happens.

The more I love her, and the more she submits, and the more gentle I am and not harsh, here's what happens.

We begin to climb the ladder.

And as we do it, we're doing it at in heels, baby.

You are a saint.

I may not get lunch after this anyway.

But listen, what are we doing?

We're submitting to the Lord.

And here's what happens: the higher up we go to Him, the closer we get.

The problem is sometimes we're so consumed with trying to fix our marriage in all the ways that we're distant or not apart.

And the point is, the Lord says, if you'll just look up, I'll get you there.

If you'll just keep going, if you'll just keep walking, I will get you there.

That's a picture of a healthy marriage.

But listen, how many of y'all in the room would say, Well, that's great because you both love Jesus?

You're both in church and you're following God.

There are so many people in the room, and I want to I want to preach to you today for just a minute.

So many people in the room, and you would say this you would say, Clayton, that's great because you both love God and you're both following God.

But what happens for me, now, because you all know she's more saved than I am, I'm gonna join the other ladder.

Here's what happens in a marriage that oftentimes this scenario looks a little bit more clear of a picture than what the one before did.

And so you may feel like I'm over here on this ladder alone.

I'm trying to follow God, I'm trying to make sure this household honors and serves Him, and my husband's over there, my wife's over there, and they're doing their own thing.

And they stepped off the ladder of our marriage back into their own life, and they're living for themselves.

So, Pastor, what do I do?

Can I encourage you in the room today?

Can I tell you that if you are on this ladder right now, I want to encourage you with one thing.

Do not get off.

Do not buy into the temptation to step back onto your own ladder and live your life your own way.

So, what does that mean?

That means that even if I'm not gentle with her, she still follows my leadership.

What?

Why?

Because she's not doing it for me, is she?

She's doing it for the Lord.

You can go on up because we all know you're going up.

I'm going down, you're going up.

It means that when their kindness is absent in your home, you make the decision, I'm going to serve you anyway.

Why?

Because I'm not doing it for you, I'm doing it for the Lord.

It means that when they're not emotionally present there for you, or they don't respect you or honor you, you make the decision.

Listen, some people in the room need to put their stake in the ground today in their marriage and say the only way this marriage is gonna hang on is if I submit my life to Jesus, no matter what he does and no matter what she does, I'm all in.

It doesn't take another partner to make that decision that's between you and the Lord.

And here's what happens I'm gonna live my own life over here.

I'm gonna live it for me.

I'm gonna pursue all my hobbies, I'm gonna spend all my time at work, I'm gonna do my life my way, and I'm gonna get to the top of the ladder one day, and here's the hope.

I get to the top of the ladder one day and I look around and I realize something.

There's nowhere else to go.

I'm gonna get to the top of the.

This is what we are praying for you and your family.

That your spouse who is an unbeliever, that your spouse who is not in the marriage to win it with Jesus, that they would get to the top of the ladder and they'd realize something.

It's really, really lonely up here.

And when they get up here and they feel all of those things, here's the hope and here's the goal.

1 Peter chapter 3 says this that when I did not obey the word of the Lord, the conduct of my wife has won me over.

1 Peter 3 · chapter mention

That when I get to the top, I look up when I have nothing else left, and I look up and what do I see?

I see a wife who loved me when I didn't deserve it.

I see a wife who submitted even when I did not deserve it.

I look up and I see a wife who was gracious with me when I did not deserve it.

And what happens?

I look at her and I'm not just seeing her, I'm seeing Jesus for the first time in my life.

We believe in a miracle-working God who can do that in your family.

So that the hope would be this that I make the decision.

It doesn't matter how far in life you've already gone.

It's never too late to step back over to the other side and let God do his greatest work in your marriage.

I want to pray for you today.

I'll be a good husband here.

I want to pray for you today.

And here's what I want to pray.

I want to pray that you do what God has asked you to do.

It's so easy to come here and be like, yeah, that looks awesome.

But it all hinges upon you obeying the word of God.

And so we're gonna pray here at the end.

And any person who needs prayer for your marriage, you come forward.

Don't waste a minute.

You'll read every blog online.

Listen, that stuff's not gonna, you know what's gonna help?

The power of God.

You have widows in the room today and you're saying, This strike an accord with me.

We want to pray for you too.

Because God's not done with you.

We got people who are single in the room, and you're saying, I just I've just been yearning.

We have divorce in the room.

Listen, it doesn't matter what it is, the Holy Spirit wants to minister to you today.

So I'm gonna invite you to go ahead and stand.

I'm gonna pray.