When Serving at Church Takes You Away from God | Trinity Talks Podcast

Welcome to the Trinity Talks podcast, the podcast

between two services. I am your host, Bill Crawford.

We are continuing our series, mirroring the sermon

series on the story of Paul, 180 U -turns, change

direction, change life. Every week here on the

podcast, we have a different guest who is here

to share part of their... faith journey. How

did they, what was life like before they became

a Christian? What was their conversion experience

like? And then what is life like now in their,

as they grow and develop in their Christian walk?

So, and today we're very excited to have Shireen

Benjamin here with us today. Thank you very much,

Shireen, for filling in. She's filling in last

minute, so we've got to give her all the props

for willing to step in at the last minute. Our

guest, our planned guest, it was a no -show.

And Shireen very graciously said that she would

fill in. So thank you very much for filling in

at the last minute. Thank you, Bill, for calling

me in. And I think I'll do. I hope to do a good

thing. You will do great. So just a few questions

to get us started, to warm us up and to let people

know a little bit about you if they don't. So

Shireen, how long have you been coming to Trinity?

I have been coming to Trinity last 13 years and

after we moved in to Canada from Dubai. Okay,

so 13 years. And what caused you to start coming

to Trinity specifically? How did that happen?

We were worshipping in an Anglican church back

in Dubai as well for 10 years. And when we moved

in, we were looking for an Anglican community.

And we walked in and out of many churches. And

then finally we came in here and we found the

congregation welcoming. We like the service and

it's very uplifting and warming. And ever since

we walked in. We never walked out. We keep coming.

Well, I'm so glad that you and Pradeep found

a spiritual home here at Trinity where we felt

welcome and encouraged and invited to be part.

So what are the kinds of ways that you serve

here at Trinity now? Are you on some ministry

teams doing different things? Yes, I am part

of the ministry team. I serve communion. And

that is pretty recent, I would say two years.

But from 2013, I've been with the hospitality

team setting up the 9 -15 coffee hall. Well,

that's great. Well, you're doing amazing so far.

So I just thank you again and thank you. So let's

get into the meat of our podcast. So the first

question is, what... was your life before your

conversion experience. So tell us a little bit

about what your life was like before you came

to know the Lord. I grew up in a Christian family.

My parents were Christians. But if I remember

correctly, my parents were so busy that in my

younger years, they never took me to Sunday school.

So I don't know why I don't have an answer for

that. But then one of the church members who

lives near Our house started a small group for

the children. So from there started my journey

knowing Bible, Bible stories. And then, I don't

know, one fine day, my parents also started,

OK, now it's time we all go to church together.

And we started going to church. And from there,

at the age of 17. I started taking communion,

and ever since, I follow Jesus. Okay. So back

there, where were you living? Where was home

when you were a kid? In India. In India. In a

small state called Kerala. Okay. That's great.

And so your family had a Christian background,

but didn't necessarily go to church. They go

to church on and off. I was a very young kid

and I cannot understand why it was. But you encountered

a community group. That was doing services or

providing some Christian programs. And you became

involved in that in your childhood, in your teen

years. Yes. And that formed a basis of your faith.

And from the age of 18, I always used to sing

and I've been part of church choir and almost

in all church programs from the age of 18. Okay.

So you seem to, like you're, my story is somewhat

similar in terms of becoming a Christian in my

teens and getting very involved in church as

a young adult and stuff like that. So it's great.

Can you identify or can you think of an experience?

either as you made your own personal decision

to serve the Lord or at some point along the

way where you're going in a certain direction

and God directed you to go in a different direction?

Yes. While I was being part of all the social

events, hospitality, and a little bit of singing

in Dubai, I was also involved seriously in the

church committees. And over the years, I don't

know, I felt that I am missing out on something.

I'm too much involved. Even in the church, I'm

sitting and thinking about what I used to do,

announcement as well. What I have to prepare.

In my mind, I'm preparing all the time. And I'm

missing out on reading Bible. I'm missing out

on listening to message. So I took a conscious

decision to step away. And that brought in a

big change, actually. I'm still serving in my

own capacity, whatever I can and wherever I can,

but not too much involved. But it opened a door

for me. I'm reading the Bible more. I am listening

to the small voice talking to me. And that's

the time I realized, actually, Spirit is talking

to me. Holy Spirit is talking to me. Fascinating.

And I remember in my Bible, I used to write,

which people don't do usually. I started writing

because I'm learning and Spirit is teaching.

And ever since, it is a different experience.

That's great. What that sounds like to me was

that you got involved, quite involved. very early

on in the activities of the church on committees

and doing different things and leading different

things. And, um, and the, while that might've

been a great help for the church and for the

people that were in the church, that was something

missing for you personally, spiritually, and

that was your own time of devotion and, uh, and

reading the Bible and praying and, uh, for yourself

as opposed to, uh, uh, leading, um, a Bible study

and a prayer session or something like that.

I think that's fascinating. I also have a very

similar experience from my time at the dam where

I got a little burnt out because I was doing

all these Christian -y things, leading a Christian

ministry and leading Bible studies and training

volunteers and leading people through prayer

and mentoring youth and doing all these Christian

activities. but not having the time to spend

in my own personal devotion and learning. So

I felt like I was constantly leading Bible studies,

but I didn't really feel at the end of the day

that I was really spending time in the Word for

myself and learning and taking in as opposed

to putting out. Yeah, it's the same experience,

same experience. It's probably a familiar experience

for a lot of Christians who just get involved

in the busyness of church and Christianity and

lose sight on the true meaning and the personal

commitment of faith. Well, that's fascinating.

What would you say, since you've made that change,

and I guess I should ask, once you came to that

decision, what changes did you make? I consciously

made a decision not to be in any of the committees.

That's the most important thing. But while we

were then, we moved in here in 2013 and 2014.

2015, we moved to US. So while in Texas, I was

part of worship team. I still did. Okay, it's

singing. I always loved, I still love singing

and just Bible study. part of worship team that's

all I did we moved back again to the hospitality

and community that's something I really really

believe in that church should open its door to

the community and that's one way we can bring

more people in I think it's our life that is

reflecting over there so but my I have a little

bit of time constraints I'm not able to come

but that's something I am part of. Right. Well,

that's great. So a couple of things I want to

pull out of there. It seems like this change

of thinking, a little bit of a change of direction

in terms of your focus, it seemed to... uh, coincide

or, or be made possible. Let me know if this

is true with, with your change of setting. So

you moved from one country to another country.

So you're, you changed churches, you changed

everything. And so it just seems like that if

you're going to make a change in your, in your,

in your focus or direction, uh, in your own faith

and, and, and your faith response, um, making

that kind of big change, I imagine would help.

Yes, it helped me actually a lot. And after making

those changes, I feel moving back here to Canada

the second time, life has been not so good and

on the platter like. A lot of challenges with

children and still we have, but the changes I

made in my life and and walking more with Jesus

made me really strong to face all the challenges.

Okay, there are days of that not good, but still

I know I'm always smiling and I am facing it.

Yeah. Yeah, that's the most important thing.

If I hadn't, I mean, I didn't get that opportunity

to make that change, probably while I was in

Dubai. I wouldn't have gone this closer to Jesus.

I wouldn't have learned more. I wouldn't have

experienced the small voice talking to me. And

it made me really stronger. And the bottom line,

whenever, 24 hours, anytime I look at it, I have

my bottom layer in my mind is always peace. I'm

pretty sure if... that decision I didn't take

at that point of time, I wouldn't have felt that.

And it makes a big difference. It made a big

difference. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure it did.

It really, that sounds like a message of hope.

I mean, that part of your faith journey, hope

comes out of that. But I think it's also hope

for those that are watching and listening to

the podcast. Um, they can get hope out of that,

that they, that whatever situation they're in,

if they want to make some changes, um, uh, there's

hope to, to make those changes and whatever those

changes are. And, um, and for you, it was, uh,

it was stopping and quieting yourself long enough

to hear that still quiet voice of God telling

you to move in a slightly different direction

to focus on, uh, him. Spend time in personal

devotion as opposed to Christian activities and

programs and stuff like that. And that there

was a setting change that made it possible or

more possible for you where you left. city, country

that you were established in as your worshipping

community and moving into a different worshipping

community where you can then make different choices

as to how you want to help and minister in that

new place. Is that correct? Yes, it's correct.

I always, I mean, God has given me certain talents.

Of course, I can be in a committee. I can be,

I can be a leader. God has trained me. I would

say that I got trained in over the years, but

it was the decision I took to step away. Actually,

I think it was a really good decision. So would

you say now that your focus is More on hands

-on ministry or volunteering in programs that

help the community in some way? Yes. So tell

us a little bit more about that in the last couple

of years, what you've been doing. I firmly believe

if I am welcoming and I can reach out to people

whenever I am talking to them or even in my workspace.

I see God working in my workspace. And I started

a full -time job pretty recently. Now it's just

two years. Otherwise, I work on and off. But

I can see that there's a change, you know, bringing

people in. And they also ask me, shouldn't I

want to come to church once? I said, whenever

the Spirit tells you to come, come. I'm not going

to push you. I'm not going to force you to come

in. That one sentence makes a big difference.

Yeah, well, it's nice that they're having that

conversation with you and are thinking about

when the right time is for them to come visit

church and experience that for themselves and

that they feel comfortable having those conversations

with you. I think it's an important thing for

all of us to be moving in the direction that,

God wants us to be going in and, and we need

to take the time to, to think about that and

to, and to, and to work through that for ourselves

to, you know, whether it is the, you know, going

in the completely wrong direction and God has

to shine a big light on. on you to get your attention

and say you know why are you persecuting me um

or maybe it's uh like in your situation that's

still small voice that says you know listen shereen

you're doing you're doing great work for me but

you're you know you're you're focusing on the

details too much over here i just i need you

i need you to to do uh a slight change of direction

here and just spend some time with me And then

together we'll figure out what good ministry

looks like for you. That seems what you're telling

me in terms of what your story is about. I remember,

Bill, when my children were very small, very

small, I used to lock them up in the house. Pradhi

was always traveling. And we have committee meeting

at 7 in the evening. I locked them up. And they

were very small. When I look back, oh my God,

I did all these things. No babysitter, nothing.

These small kids, I locked them up and I did.

And probably God saw that. Hey, Shireen, enough.

Well, you did what you had to do because you

had all these obligations. And obviously God

was tapping you on the shoulder going, okay,

let's refocus your energy for the next. A little

while. And I think that's a really good message

for all of us here at Trinity, especially as

we talk more about ministry teams and serving

and encouraging everyone in the congregation

to really think about and pray. about what that

looks like for them what is their area of service

what there's lots of opportunities there's plenty

of cards on that carousel on the on the serve

table there's lots of opportunities here at trinity

we want people not just to be involved but we

want them to be engaged in areas where they feel

god is calling them to be And if they're doing

something now that's not exactly that, then we

need to be, you know, when they come to us, you

know, saying, I'm doing this now, but what I

really, really feel God is calling me in this

area. And then, so we should be doing our best

to be encouraging that kind of thinking, processing,

and then... And then doing our best to place

people in areas where they feel that God is encouraging

them to go. Well, that's great, Shereen. Thanks

again for being our last minute guest. I literally

pulled you out of the church service and just

asked you if this would be something you'd be

willing to do. And like I said, you very graciously

said yes, that you were willing to help. So thank

you for coming in and thank you for sharing some

of your story and opening it up for the rest

of us too. to feel just a little bit more comfortable

for us to examine what we're doing and, uh, and

make some changes where we think God is leading

us. All right. That's the, uh, that's the Trinity

talks podcast for, uh, this morning, the podcast

between two services. I have been, uh, your host.

My name is Bill Crawford and this is, uh, uh,

Shereen Benjamin. Uh, thank you for being here

this morning.