How to Love Your Partner Well: Song of Solomon 2:8-17

You're listening to The Bible Guys, a podcast where a

couple of friends talk about the Bible in fun, in

practical ways. Hey, everybody, welcome to the Bible Guys. Here

we are, We are here. Yes, we've been here all

week yep. In fact, we record five episodes in one sitting,

so technically we've been here all day.

All day.

Yes, that's right, but you're hearing on Friday, and today Friday,

we have a segment.

This is so important for one last time in twenty

twenty four. It's kind of a bittersweet moment.

Well, it's gonna happen again in twenty twenty.

Five, I know, but this is the last time for

twenty twenty four.

I see.

So I mean this is maybe I don't know, it

feels like this might be the most important one of

the whole year because it's the last one.

Well, I mean, I'll tell you it feels no pressure.

So if you don't know, if you're new to the show,

maybe the most important segment we do every week is

the segment what made Chris Man this week? By far?

No way, No, it's not.

Hey, So I feel like after that pressure, that maybe

my thing to get me mad is not good enough.

We'll take it up. Take it up a notch man. Okay,

I'll mail it in.

Hey, I'm not mailing it in. But it happened this morning.

So on the way here, that's the way. It's what

made that's what made me met. It was a traffic thing.

Here's what happens. So I pull out of my sub vision.

I pull up to an intersection where the red light's there,

and the cars are building up, and there's a guy

on my right hand side. He wants to turn left,

but it's got to be through traffic. Have you ever

pulled out a gas station and the traffic builds up

and you're like, oh no, I can't get through this traffic.

And then you get away from the full light.

But it just turned red, so I naturally stop, leaving

a car with space for this guy to pull out.

He pulls out.

Yeah, So then the guy next to me and my

lane figures it out. He pulls out and leaves a

full It might have been a little bit more than

a car length right because he was at an angle.

So so this guy figures it out. So here's this

guy in a minivan and he's pulling out real slow

to cross two lanes of traffic and the turning lane

to make a left hand turn. Well, at the same time,

there was another guy coming the opposite way that pulled

into the turning lane that wanted to make his left

into the Walgreens behind me, and he was mad that

we weren't pulled up because we were blocking his left

hand turn. So I'm sitting there, and by the way,

mind you, the entire thing took maybe twenty seconds, twenty.

Seconds, twenty seconds, but it was enough right to make

Chris man.

No.

Here's what happens. The guy pulls up next to me

in the turning lane, so literally my window is right

next to his window, and he goes.

Man, man, man, like three horns, and I look over

and he goes and he looks, and he doesn't just

say beat beep, Hey, will you pull up right? I

mean literally his face is as far as your face

is to me, just about and he goes and I

look over and he screams, pull up, man, pull up,

as just start.

I could literally hear him wow, And I'm like, what

is going on?

I mean literally, I'm just one car length behind he

if he just took a second behind him, and looked.

He could see that there's a guy pulling out.

Right.

So now this guy starts pulling out, and as he's

pulling out, I look back over and I'm like, okay, whatever,

I didn't even acknowledge the guy. So this guy pulls

out again. Five seconds has passed. Guess what he does

and just laid on the laid on the horn. And

so finally I look over and I go and I

just pointed and I'm.

Like look, and he goes, I don't care, pull up.

So anyway, this guy pulls out and then we pull up,

and he's like, I just thok to myself, listen.

If you're that angry, you should not leave the house.

What time in the morning was it.

It was on the way here, so it was like

eight fifty.

Eight fifty, And I wonder what happened this morning that

just made him mad.

All I know is that man should have not just get.

Out of bed. Maybe he got a maybe his sausage

biscuit was learned.

Maybe, But here's what I know. Here's what I know.

Listen, maybe didn't have any coffee, that was it? Maybe

no coffee?

Yeah, maybe listen here here it is.

Here's my statement. Driving is a community function. Yes, it

is a community.

Uh, it's not just about you.

Yeah, yeah, it is. It is.

Think about the rules of the road. It involves every

single person. Right, everything is dependent and should consider everybody else.

It's not about you and your left hand turn into Walgreens,

It's not. It's about everybody working together to make sure

that we safely are able to do all the things

that we want to do.

And so what could be at Walgreens that he needed

so bad?

Well, maybe maybe his work benefit of that my wife

always does.

Maybe he had like bunions or something, you know what

I mean. No, what I'm thinking is maybe he needed

some preparation. H The only thing, the only things in

a hurry.

I can figure is maybe his work started at nine,

and so maybe he was like, I'm really super late.

Right.

Maybe maybe I'm trying to give the guy on the

benef of the doubt.

But this guy, I mean, it was twenty seconds, but

it made you mad because he broke all the conventions

of living in a civil society, yes, society. He couldn't

make room for anybody else. It was only about him.

It's all about him.

Oh my goodness, guess what it's not about it. I

understand it's not about you. That's that's what makes you mad,

is when people make it all about them. Yes, and

they're not making it about you.

Well no, I mean I don't care about me. Yeah,

I do care about me. But if you don't consider.

Me, that's right, that's right.

But I as long as you consider me, I'm okay.

Was he driving a truck? Yes, yeah, he was in

a truck. Was a good thing. You were in a truck,

that's right, that's right, looking right in the eyes, that's right.

Looked him right in the eye, that's right. Yeah, there was.

You know, when people don't look around them and consider you.

Have you ever pulled that behind somebody? If they would

have just pulled up like ten more feet, you can

edge around them and then let's go into the right

hand length. Yes, and they have a full car length

in front of them, but they just refuse to move up.

Yes, guys, come on, man, I'm not a very patient driver.

It's not I'm going to confess it. Yeah, I'm going

to confess right here in front of God and everybody.

But I acknowledge that I'm not. No, I don't use

my horn much. Yeah, unless not unless driven too. On occasion,

I will Only when I feel like somebody else is

being dangerous, I'll use my horn.

Okay.

But if they're not being dangerous then okay, so you.

Don't you don't ever like, but you give a love tap?

You do that? Oh well? On occasion, yeah, if I

need them to move a little bit, yeah, yeah, yeah,

I did that. The friendly ones beeps, but not the

right right, don't do those those. It's amazing how you

can make a horn sound friendly. Yeah, okay, talking of

sounding friendly, okay. Song of Solomon has lots of friendly words,

lots of friendly talk. Yeah, lots of friendly talking.

In fact, it's one of the most friendly phrases in

the Bible.

Yes, pg. Thirteen. It's a Pg. Thirteen book in the Bible,

all about romance, yeah right, and the love the love

of a groom for his young bride.

And by the way, we're reading all the way through

chapter three, verse five, apparently, and by the way, this

is a sign to us by desiree. Would you have

chosen to do the Song of Solomon?

I would not have chosen to do the Song of Solomon? Yes,

would you?

I would? I would have had to go through it

with a fine tooth.

I did a message series on the Song of Solomon

one time, and it was very I feel like, well

crafted and like you said, fine toothcomb, very very carefully

laid out. But right now, we don't prep these things

for our listeners are going to like we can tell,

but for us. The premise behind this is that we're

just two guys that like the Bible and we're sitting

here opening it up and talking about what's on the

page in front of us right now, like we were

at a coffee shop or something, right, right, and so

in that.

Which is what we would do if we were getting

together as people at a coffee shop.

That's right. So if that so, with that being the case,

then we feel very vulnerable leaning into this book because

this book is well, my goodness to Mickey blush.

Yeah, it'll make you blush sometimes.

Yes, So we're reading in Song of Solomon, chapter two,

and we're gonna start off the verse eight because yesterday

we read through verse seven. In chapter two, it says, ah,

I hear my lover coming. He is leaping over the mountains,

bounding over the hills. My lover is like a swift

gazelle or a young stag. Look there he is behind

the wall, looking through the window, peering into the room.

My lover said to me, Rise up, my darling, Come

away with me, my fair one. Look the winter has passed,

and the rains are over and gone. The flowers are

springing up. The season of singing birds has come, and

the cooing of turtle doves fills the air. The fig

trees are forming young fruit, and the fragrant grape vines

are blossoming. Rise up, my darling, Come away with me,

my fair one. And then that was the young woman

singing the groom. Or the groom says, my dove is

hiding behind the rocks, behind an outcrop on the cliff.

Let me see your face, let me hear your voice.

Your voice is pleasant, and your face is lovely. And

then the bride'smaids say, catch all the foxes, those little foxes,

before they ruin the vineyard of love, for the grape

vines are blossoming. And then the young bride says, my

lover is mine, and I am his. He browses among

the lilies, before the dawn breezes blow and the night

shadows flee returned to me my love like a gazelle

or a young stag on the mountains. And then she says,

one night, as I lay in bed, I yearned for

my lover. I yearned for him, but he did not come.

So I said to myself, I will get up and

roam the city, searching in all its streets and squares.

I will search for the one I love. So I

searched everywhere, but did not find him. The watchmen stopped

me as they made their rounds, and I asked, have

you seen the one I love? Then, scarcely had I

left them. When I found my love, I caught and

held him tightly. And then I brought him to my

mother's house, into my mother's bed where I had been conceived.

And then Las Firs promised me, O, women of Jerusalem,

by the gazelles and wild deer, do not awaken love

until the time is right.

Do not awaken love until the time is right. Right,

When is the time right.

Everything is in order, well, when you're ready to actually

go into marriage. What she's saying is, don't play around

with love right right?

Yeah, it actually says in the Life Application Study Bible

on that note. In this section, Solomon's Beloved reflects on

her courtship with Sulivan, remembering the first day they met

and recalling one of her dreams.

About their being together, one of her dreams?

Did she mention a dream? Let me see, I don't know. Maybe, well,

it could be just part of the Jewish tradition that

it was a dream that she's talking about.

Maybe the Yeah, so you know what this this wasn't

this that? This chapter doesn't make you blessed that much

at all?

Right? Oh well, sure there are a lot of metaphors. Yes,

he's browsing among the lilies. Correct, so correct, that's all

I have to say about that.

Right, But I mean, come on that that's pretty that's

pretty tame.

So this one is u You can see. It's kind

of a Romeo and Juliet kind of a feel. Here.

He hops over the wall. He's looking for her, he's

calling out to her. There's this romantic intrigue and excitement

and whispers and right, that's kind of what's happening here. Yeah.

Hey, by the way, there's another note that I just saw.

It says the little foxes. Remember what she says, Catch

all the foxes, foxes before they ruined the Vineyard of love.

The little foxes are an example of the kinds of

problems that can disturb or destroy a relationship. The lovers

wanted anything that could potentially cause problems between them to

be removed. Often the little foxes can cause the biggest

problems in Americae, which those irritations must not be minimized

or ignored, but identified so that together the couple can

deal with them.

Yeah, that's pretty cool. Well so so far. Up to

this point, almost the entire description of the romance is

a garden, trees, flowers, gazelles, right, that's this very pastoral thing.

A garden has to be cultivated. Right. So that's a

big part of the picture of this love song that's

being written throughout the Book of Song as Solomon, is

that this is a cultivated romance. And what happens is

the little foxes again, they start digging holes, they'll start

ruining things, they'll dig up the flower bulbs though, whatever,

and that kind of concept is you have to cultivate

the romance, You have to cultivate the relationship and then

understand it's the little things that will tear it all apart. Yeah,

that's right, it's rarely big things, right, How many times have.

I mean, I've been in counseling before with couples that

were like, you know, I don't think he's ever been

unfaithful to me, or he'll say I don't think she's

ever cheated on me. We just stopped liking each other, correct, right,

what happened? It's a little foxes.

Yeah, And don't get me wrong, sometimes there's there's tragedy,

you know if sometimes when a couple loses a child.

I think only like.

There's all kinds of exterior things. What I'm saying is

I've been in there with lots of people. Was it

just faded?

It's rare?

So so the big things are rare, is what I

was going to say. There are things, but statistically it

is overwhelmingly the little foxes, right.

Or it's the little foxes over time that lead to

the big catastrophe, correct, right, allowing little things to creep

in and then finally some catastrophic thing happens. But yeah,

so catch all the foxes, those little foxes before they

ruin the vineyard of love.

Hey, isn't it isn't it great? How she says? H

One night I lay in my bed, I yearned for

yearned for him. I couldn't find him, so I went

that to the streets to find him. Now, again, this

is a physical physicality thing between man and woman, So

I get that part of it. But it is a

beautiful thing to, you know, to love someone so much

that she's like, hey, She's like, I refuse, I refuse

not to be with this guy. Right, So she gets

up and she searches for him to where she actually asks.

Have you seen him? Have you seen him? Have you

seen him?

Then she finally finds them, and it's just that part,

the pursuing part, is a very beautiful picture of how

much she loves him.

Yeah, this is really cool.

Yeah. So again in that analogy of this vineyard that's

being cultivated, that passion and that desire is something that

also has to be cultivated through the whole book. Right,

it keeps hinting at this idea that it has to

be managed, that you're cultivating the sink. So in the

same way that I mentioned Yesterda, if you want what

you used to have, you have to do what you

used to do. And you used to cultivate all that desire,

and you used to to to build on it and

used to look for reasons to be together and to

chase each other and all that kind of stuff. And

so it may seem silly, but it was silly then,

Let's be honest. It was just exciting that it took

your breath away, It made your heart beat fast, and

you palms get sweaty, you know what I mean, right,

But if you want that romance, you have to continue

to pursue those things, and so go back to the

places that you used to be, go back to those

same memories and all that. Life has changed certainly, and

you've matured, and life is not is just dreamy as

it in real life, as it is in those moments

when you're overrun by hormones and dreams and you know,

all that kind of stuff. But the fact is, I

think that you know, there are people who are able

to maintain this enthusiasm for each other over long periods

of time, and it's because they work at it. It's

a cultivated thing, something that you choose.

Hey, this one verse right over here where it says

in verse umber fourteen, my dove is hiding behind the rocks,

behind an outcrop on the cliff, and then he says

to her, let me see your face. Let me hear

your voice, for your voice is pleasant and your face

is lovely. Isn't it interesting how there's just something about

the face.

Of the one you love.

And I just literally yesterday was I went to friends

and I had pulled up some photos and I had

this Have you ever have you ever liked picture like

collage some pictures together?

Sure?

Well, I collage some pictures together for an anniversary one time.

And the collage that I showed was because my wife

and I have been together almost as long as you

guys have, which, by the way, you get married in

ninety one December of ninety one, so we get married

in July of ninety two. So even though we're both

thirty two years now, you'll be thirty three before me, right,

even though I'm six weeks older than you, much older, Yeah, whatever, Anyway,

the point is is that you and I have a

long history of you know, being with our separate wives

for a long time. So anyway, so I collaged these

pictures together of like her being like sixteen years old

and me being fourteen, and then I put together some

modern pictures, you know, and then have you ever seen

the face? Have you ever seen the app that makes

you look older.

Yes, so I went.

Ahead and pieced together this thing that made us look

like literally ninety okay. And so anyway, my friend laughed

and said, oh my goodness, that doesn't even look like you.

She's like, man, he goes, he goes, what are you

going to do? And she gets to look like that?

And I laughed, But in my mind, I was thinking,

it's no different than from when we were fourteen, and

now we're fifty three. She doesn't looked like she did

when she's fourteen, and yet she's just as beautiful now,

right right, So we're both older and it's just and

so I so I always say when I when I

see my wife, I always go I always look at her,

and every once in a while I say, man, you're so pretty.

You're so pretty, and she's like thanks.

And I always say that because there's just something about

it where I believe, you know, we're gonna be old

and wrinkly, but I look forward to.

That, sure, don't you? Sure?

Oh?

Yeah, yeah? Well we commented on the on the one

of the previous episodes that I like aging. Yeah, you know,

not not entirely right, but but I like my age.

I like, I like the fact that you know, life

is progressing and all these things. I've made jokes several times.

So we have two grandchildren now, which is really really

an amazing thing. And when when our first when our

grandson was born, our first grandson, I had a friend go, dude,

you're getting so old, right, So I was like forty eight,

I think at the time, and you get so old,

how does it feel to be a grandfather? And I said,

I said, it doesn't feel that weird. It's the natural thing. Right.

My son and his wife are at the age they

should be having kids, so that means I'm at the

age that my son should be having kids. That's kind

of the it just makes sense to me. I said,

that's not a surprise. It's not a surprise to discover

that I'm a grandfather. I said, this surprise is to

discover that I'm married to a grandmother, because I don't

think I ever planned that. I never thought, you know

what I want, right, man, I can't wait till the

day when I'm married to a grandmother, right. That was

never But we delight in each other. So that's a joke.

I tease my wife about that. But the reality is.

It's such a joy to go through life in this process,

to grow up together. I mean we were kids, we

were teenagers when we met, like like you guys, we

weren't quite as young as you, but we met in

high school and then you know, now to be in

our fifties raising you know, children and grandchildren. There's a

delight in that. But it does require a lot of

verbal affirmations. It requires a lot of intentional date nights. Right,

you guys still do dates? Oh yeah, you do like

this date nights and kids complain, well, we want to go. No,

this isn't for you, it's for us, right, we're going

out and that My goal for my kids is that

they would move that they grow up and move away

someday and build their own families. That's the goal, right

And so but my goal for my wife is that

she stayed with me all the way to the end.

So I have to keep investing in her in a

different way than I would invest in in my kids.

And so I love my kids. I provide for my kids.

I got some of them still live with me right now.

But and I'm happy, happy about that. This is just

a stage of life that we're in but I'm going

to make the priority be my wife because I want

this to sustain beyond just the heat of the romance

when you first start dating. And in order to do that,

you have to again, as we've been saying, cultivating this

this garden.

That's right.

Hey, So for those of you who are watching, I

don't want to bore the people who are just less.

But can we get a camera on this?

Okay? So there's there's Liz and I.

You know what it's. It's the weird mustache that I

think she was really nice.

I think Ralph Machio.

It looks like you have like half a caterpillar on

your lips.

So anyway, that's me at sixteen. That's our eighteen. But

watch this, that's you guys. Get there's the app that

shows us at like eighty or ninety.

That's the picture I was referring to.

Look at that. Yeah, yeah, that's awesome.

So anyway, yeah, so you.

Just get that little face app whatever that's called, and

uh and put your faces on.

It will make you look ancient, that's right.

But it's so sweet.

So your your old man uh face. Yeah, you look

like the guy that's gonna sit on your porch and

yell at kids. Yeah, playing off, get off my lawn.

That's right, Yeah, that's that's probably what I'm that guy

now and feeding pigeons.

You got their feeding pigeons and yelling kids on your yard.

I'm sort of that guy, now, do you know that?

Well, we heard you last week complaining about your neighbor

and uh, you know.

I got so many comments on that.

Because I said, but you said, you're the old man

in the neighborhood.

Now you said it, I did, but I said I

wanted to re record it because I said that guy's

a piece of trash whatever.

And then then I tried to back up.

I wouldn't let you. I was like, nope, nope, stand

with it. Stand But I do.

I gotta confess I do have a very strong.

Negative feeling against people who don't care for their house,

because again, even a neighborhood is a community event, isn't that.

That's right back to here what made Chris Man?

Yeah? So so, so.

It's like you live in a civilized society. Be civilized.

Yeah that's your expectation.

Yeah, that is it.

And so don't don't make my property value go down

just because you don't care about you.

It's right. You are getting old. You're talking about property values. Now. Yeah, dude,

I'm telling you that that picture, for those of you

that are listening instead of watching his picture, he had

he has a look on him that he's going to

feed the pigeons and the squirrels and yell at every

kid that walked by the house that that's that's the

look that you have.

Hey, I'm not kidding when I say, well, you're gonna

be a funnel man. Yeah, I'm already a funnel man. Hey,

I'm gonna say this.

When I go on walks, which I do often, my

family and I will say, we'll say, hey, let's let's

go walk the neighborhood. Sometimes we walk two three miles together, right,

and sometimes it'd be all four of us. We'll just

walk the neighborhood, go on a nice little walk. And

obviously when it's warmer. But when I walk, they say, okay, listen,

They're like, before we go on the walk, dead you

can't complain about people's lawns or there or there. They

literally say that, And then when I do comment, they go,

they go, this is not fun. They go, they go,

this is not fun. Stop commenting on everybody's lawn or

their condition of their house.

Yeah, well, hey, uh so sometimes people don't cultivate their yards.

And that's right.

And we've been talking about cultivating the vineyard of our

of our marriages, and so hey, one thing you could

do today for those of you that are married is

tell your spouse you love them. Yeah right, that mean it.

That could be. That could be the basic thing.

If you if you can think of something nice to say,

say it. If you think of something good to do,

do it. Because what happens is we assume that they

understand we love them. We assume that they understand that

we want the best for them. But we tend to

build up on the negative things. The negative things tend

to build up over time, and sometimes it can start

to the negative things that we do and the negative

things that we say are the mistakes we make without

counterbalancing them with intentional good deeds and with intentional good

words to the other one. Sometimes the scales begin to

tip and you start running out of gas. And so

part of that cultivating of this relationship is if you

think of something good to say, say it. If you

think of something good to do, do it. So make

today one of those days where you, on purpose cultivate

the vineyard of your love.

And let me add to that and say, if you're

already a person who you feel like, hey, I say

I love you every day, I do sometimes good things.

Can I up the bar for that category of people? Say? Uh,

let me inspire you. But let's excuse me. Let the

song of Solomon inspire you to write a love poem,

or write a sweet note, or leave an extra sweet

unusual thing, right, Because if saying I love you is unusual,

then do it. But if saying I love you is

just another Tuesday, then then do something unusual, write a

nice note or something sweet and uh, in surprise your

spouse so that they say what was this for?

Right, they'd be sweet, what did you do this?

Okay?

We want what do you want now? Okay?

Anyways, surprise him.

That's a good place to end, all right, So hey,

we will see you hopefully Monday with us again on

the bibble guys, H