The Two Shall Become One | Pastor KJay | Radiant Church

Welcome, podcast family.

My name's Abby, and we're so glad that you're here.

We believe that God's word brings strength and stability to our lives.

Let's dive into this powerful message.

Today, if you are taking notes, the title of my sermon is The Two Shall Become One.

The Two Shall Become One.

I've been floating around this topic of Genesis a ton because Genesis is loaded with marriage advice.

Sometimes we skim over it, we don't always catch it, so I've been really harping this whole series on Genesis and around Genesis, and I will the next couple of weeks because there's just so much to squeeze.

Out of it, the two shall become one.

I got a question that I want to ask you.

I want you to think about.

And the question is why do some marriages fail?

Why do some marriages fail?

Have you seen, like if you ever been to a wedding?

Have you ever been to a wedding?

If you've been at a wedding, wave at me if you've been to one before.

Okay.

When you're at a wedding, it seems impossible that a marriage can fail.

I mean, they're looking at each other, they're dancing, the parents come out and dance, cha-cha slide, like all the things that when you're like, bro, I'm cha-cha with y'all.

How does done work out?

Like, I came on a Saturday, I did not want to go.

And whenever you're trying to go to the wedding, you ain't got nothing to wear.

It's tough, it's hard.

I came out, I cha cha with y'all.

I did the wobble with it, wobble.

I did all this.

And y'all gonna come up with y'all should have spared me my Saturday.

I'm mad, you know what I'm saying?

Like, it did all this.

Like, we we we did, nah, nah, do you like we did all this and y'all ain't gonna make this work?

Like, like, come on.

And we're here, and everyone's looking in each other's eyes, and you're like, man, they got it.

And like two years later, you're like, they didn't have it?

Like, what happened?

And here's the thing.

We know it's not that they didn't love each other.

Clearly, no one goes to an altar.

You shouldn't if you don't love somebody.

So, what happens?

What causes these relationships to fail?

And why are we talking about it in church?

Uh, so your relationship don't fail?

Duh, right?

If you get in a relationship or if you're in a relationship, you want your relationship to succeed, right?

Yeah, come on.

Oh, so they don't.

You need to check your spouse.

They yeah, yeah.

Like, yes, yes.

You want your relationship to succeed, right?

There you go, there you go.

Brother, you better look happy, even if you ain't.

Yes, sir, Pastor KJ.

You know, like you finna you finna have a long ride home.

And if I ask why these relationships fail, I'll get a list, right?

People will say things like infidelity, verbal abuse, no support.

We fell out of love, we didn't agree on how to raise kids, he didn't want to go to church, he didn't want to read our Bible.

We have all the lists of all the things which causes a relationship not to work.

And those things that we will list could be the thing that broke the camel's back, could be the reason why divorce came.

But underneath that, there is something that I feel like a lot of us miss, and there's one core reason that causes all relational breakdown.

And today, by the end of my sermon, I hope you will find that reason and we would discover that reason together.

Is that cool?

Yeah, cool.

Okay, we're gonna discover that together.

Now, here's what most people say though, instead, until we get to that reason, most people, when a marriage gets tough, here's what they start thinking.

I must have married the wrong person.

Right?

There's this guy, and he was sitting at the airport, he had his wedding ring on the wrong finger, and God walked up to him and said, You got your wedding ring or you got your wedding ring, uh, you got your wedding ring on the wrong finger.

He said, No, I married the wrong woman.

You know what I'm saying?

Like, like he was mad.

And sometimes people feel like we made a mistake, we married the wrong person.

It shouldn't be this hard.

We shouldn't fight so much, we shouldn't get along, and then we start off as lovers.

Now we're just roommates who raise kids, right?

And people go through this dynamic and they feel like they married the wrong person.

But I want to tell you something, you did not marry the wrong person.

And I'll tell you how I know you didn't marry the wrong person because there isn't a right person.

And if they were the right person, guess what?

You're the wrong person.

Because we know what kind of crazy you bring, and God wouldn't have this poor right person be with you, whom a wrong person.

He wouldn't do the right person like that because you're crazy, and everybody's crazy.

You want to know a good conversation to have if you're dating here?

Here's a good conversation to have.

How crazy are you?

What kind of crazy are you?

Don't wait till you get married to find out they're crazy, because guess what?

Folks crazy.

They're crazy, okay?

And you just need to know that before you get married.

So it didn't, it's not that you married the wrong person.

Let me tell you this.

You don't find the perfect person, you form the perfect person.

Jesus didn't find the perfect church, he created a perfect church.

You don't find the perfect marriage, you create the perfect marriage because there's not Mr.

and Mrs.

right.

At best, you'll find Mr.

Almost and Mrs.

Pretty Close.

That's as good as it gets.

And even they may be a little crazy.

So you just gotta be careful out here, okay?

So, so if you're single, you're not looking for a perfect choice, you're looking for a wise choice, right?

You're looking for someone wise, someone that you can build with, someone that you can love, someone that you want to build a life with, someone that you want to build a family with.

If you're single, you don't just pick someone because you're lonely.

Because guess what?

In two years, you're not gonna be lonely.

Now you're stuck with what lonely pick.

I just needed someone to hear me out.

Well, now you ain't got nothing to say, and all you got is a hear outer.

And now you're stuck with someone hearing you out and you ain't got nothing to say, and now they want to talk, and you got to hear them out, and you didn't sign up for that.

So you have to make sure when you're single, you're picking from the proper place, you're picking from the proper premise.

The best way to protect your marriage is to make sure you get in a wise one.

Make sure you do it right, make sure you don't rush it.

Some of you guys, you have failed.

You're single in this room.

Maybe you're about to start dating, and and your last five tries was not it.

You know what you need?

Help.

You need help.

I dated three girls.

Strike one, strike two, strike three.

At point four, I no longer trust me.

Don't trust me no more.

I look behind me, I say, you can't trust you no more.

You know what I did?

I told my mom.

I said, because you are miss, I told you so.

Every time I have a felt relationship, you know what I'm gonna do?

I'm gonna make you pick the next person I'm with.

She said, gladly.

I remember when my wife and I, we, we, we just kind of started conversing.

We started conversing.

And I want to say this to you before I tell that story.

The reason why your marriage starts off so bad is because you had no feedback.

And the reason why you had no feedback is because you got feelings before you examined facts, and you became intoxicated by a fashion, and you was no longer sober to make a good decision.

So, what you have to do is whenever you meet somebody, their natural proclivity, someone in this room, you met somebody, and you know what you're telling yourself, and you're lying to yourself.

Here's what you're saying.

Well, let me see if I like this person.

Let's take it slow, and then if I like them, I'll bring them to the people in my life and see what they think.

Now you then brought old Deontay to us while you're in love with him.

We can all see he 20 shades of crazy, but we can't tell you because you're like, Yeah, we're in love.

What do you think?

You just rob me from being able to think.

Because if I tell you the truth, you're gonna say we're no longer friends because I'm hating on your little relationship.

That's about to end in less than a year.

So before you bring little Deontay over to me, don't like him when you bring him to me.

Then I'll tell you what I really think about him, which is he's crazy and you need to move on.

Right?

So, what I did before I started liking PT, I said, Hey, can we get dinner?

She said, Yes.

I said, Girl, you ain't got.

I said, Yeah, me and my mama are gonna pick you up.

True story, me and my mom picked her up.

We brought her over for dinner.

I said, Mama, this is your date.

I'm just here, I'm the third wheel.

Talk to her, examine, so you don't be like, I told you so.

And the good thing about my mama, she ain't the kind of person that even if you got feelings, she's still gonna tell you what she thinks.

Like, my mama is this person.

I'll preach a good sermon.

She'd be like, good sermon, lose 12 pounds.

Like, she's that lady, so she's gonna always be a hundred with you.

That's just how she rolls.

And after that lunch, she was like, Great pig.

She's amazing.

I love her.

She was like, I love her.

And I was like, Oh, okay, well, maybe we can start converting.

And then we started converting after that.

Why?

Because you get intoxicated by affection and you no longer can make a sober decision.

Here's the reason why you can't trust you.

You can like anything.

I like, I like Frito Pi.

Frito Pie, you like Frito Pie?

It's a slack.

Yeah, I just, I just I just love Doritos.

If you love Doritos, you can love Crazy Deontay too.

Which means you can no longer be trusted.

The heart has no intelligence, so it must be protected by the head.

Can we give God a shout of praise for that?

We just throw our head out the window, and then all of a sudden we just started dating people.

So if you're married, don't look.

Don't you keep your head straight?

Oh, but if you're single, you better take some notes.

You married now, you in there now.

We're gonna help you out.

We got you the rest of the message.

But before you get in there, because here's the deal before marriage, there's not the right person.

But after marriage, the one you marry is the right person.

Okay?

So be careful.

And then and I'll say this too.

This is just free.

Don't over-spiritualize your relationship because I have friends, and I'm like, the Lord put us together, and then they divorce, and I'm like, so like, I got some questions.

We need to talk.

So the Lord's like schizophrenic, like he don't know what he's doing, he's like imperfect, or maybe you did this and you brought this because the Lord wasn't at the center of this.

Whenever someone says the Lord brought me someone, here's why I say, Do you like them?

Because if you don't like them, I can't.

Like, here's the deal.

I love the Lord, but you ain't bringing me nobody I don't want.

I don't people like you supposed to start with God.

No, I start with me.

I don't like you next.

And if I come to like you, then I go to the Lord to let him disqualify or qualify you.

But I ain't even finna listen to the Lord.

Because all of a sudden the Lord starts sounding like the voice of loneliness.

You're 32 and you still don't have nobody.

I know he has three teeth, but you can make it work.

Just chew his food for him.

Okay, let me stop.

Okay, let's just get to the Bible.

I feel like I'm I'm being, yeah.

Genesis chapter 2.

Genesis 2 · chapter mention

Let me sit down somewhere.

Genesis chapter 2.

Genesis 2 · chapter mention

Come on, Jesus.

Genesis chapter 2, verse 23.

Genesis 2:23

We're going to the Bible.

I'm gonna get me out because I'm getting a little unhinged in the scripture.

Genesis 2 23.

I'm getting comfortable.

I forgot I wasn't in my living room right now.

I'm at church preaching.

Genesis 2, 23.

It says, and Adam said, This is now bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh.

She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man.

Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined, or it's the word cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

So God has a purpose for a marriage, and the purpose for a marriage is that two shall become one.

Two shall become one, two shall become one.

I want to tell you what God's desire for your marriage is that both of you guys would become one.

A marriage doesn't have enough space for two, it only has room for one, which means I'm gonna say this for single people.

Then I'm gonna talk to married people, single people.

Don't just ask who do you want to go out to eat with and hang out with?

Who do you want to become one with?

Who do you see in?

You're like, man, the Jesus in you is so inspiring.

I want the Jesus in me to look like that.

Man, I want to be one with you.

I want to be, I want to be one in mind, I want to be one in spirit, I want to be one in flesh, I want to be one with you.

When you're dating somebody, you're looking for someone to be one with.

Which means if you don't love Jesus, you're crazy, and you don't even serve God and you don't even like people, I don't want to be one with you.

And if I don't want to be one with you, what I do is I put my future relationship in danger because, in order for a marriage to succeed, two must become one.

This is the secret to marriage.

The secret to marriage is oneness, it's oneness, embrace, is oneness, and oneness is a beautiful picture because oneness is a picture of unity.

Jesus said, I and the father are one.

If you've seen the father, you seen me.

In other words, he said, Me and the Father are one.

If you see God, you see me.

If you see me, you seen God.

You and your spouse should have that kind of intimacy and closeness and oneness that if I see your spouse, I see you.

That if I see you, I see your spouse.

That you guys are one.

You guys are so one, the kids can't even divide you because they take one of you guys in a room and they ask a question, and you like no, and they go to the other room to try to ask the other parent, and that parent's like, no, why?

Because we're one.

You can talk to us in different places, you get the same answer because we're not two, we're one.

We are one, we are one, which means we're gonna make decisions the same way, we're gonna think the same way.

We're not the same, but we are one.

And to be one doesn't mean to be the same.

You can still be distinct.

Jesus, the son, and the father, they're different, but we're still one.

Difference does not mean division, we can be different and not be divided, we can bring different things to the table and still be united.

We are one.

I love I used to watch Lion King.

We are one, like we're one.

That's who we are, and we desire to be one, which means, in order for us to be one, we both have to lay down I in you.

You come into a marriage as I.

You you come as yourself, you have a background, you have perspectives, you have things you learn from your mama dim.

And he has a background and a perspective and things he learned from his mama dim.

And mama them just mean like your family.

That's just how we mama them.

You know what I'm saying?

And your mama ain't gotta be included, just mama them, you know what I'm saying?

Just the family, right?

And we all come with these things that we bring into marriage, and the issue is this the marriage has to become a new thing.

It can't be old things, it's actually a new thing, which means you can't say, This is how I do it, and this is how we do it, or this is how y'all do it.

You have to say, hey, this is how we do it together.

In other words, I'm no longer me in my approach.

You're no longer you in your approach, but we are us in our approach.

In other words, I don't get to decide how we raise kids, neither do you.

We decide how we raise kids under the hand of Jesus.

Because most disappointments in marriage come from how we were raised, what we're used to.

I remember one of the adjustments that I had to make in marriage was I come from a family where birthdays just aren't a big deal.

Like you just a birthday, you get some money, happy birthday.

Woohoo! My wife comes from a family where you don't have a birthday, you have a birth month, okay?

And it's a celebration, it's a big deal.

Balloons just popping out, stuff is everywhere.

You go birth, it's you know what today is just my birthday.

Like, like, like happy birthday.

Like it's it's all that balloons popping out.

I didn't come from that.

So I remember we had one birthday and it was kind of chill.

See, I was smart though.

See, some of y'all dudes, you gotta get smart.

I did my little birthday thing.

She was kind of looking like, bruh.

I said, Well, we we not done.

We just getting started.

We just getting started.

I call one of my friends, booms, candy, shows.

I had to re up, you know.

We just, I said, this is just a starter, you know.

Let me let me go leave what I'm doing to go replan, because this ain't gonna work.

Because she they party hard, you know what I'm saying?

They dance at the birthday party.

No, they literally dance there.

They be at the birthday party.

My in-laws are here, they be dancing, spinning around.

We gonna dance.

So I had to learn quickly.

There is her, and there is me, and there is we, and we celebrate birthdays, praise God.

We do it big.

We do it real big.

Now, again, I didn't grow up like that, but guess what?

I just found out I love birthdays.

I love them a lot, right?

So, so we're becoming we.

We're becoming we in finances, we're becoming we in parenting, we're becoming we in how we raise our kids.

We're becoming we.

And the first step of this, Jesus said, the father said, Jesus said in Matthew, but the father said it here in Genesis, it says, You must leave your father and mother.

You must leave.

Everyone say leave.

One more time, say leave.

The start of a marriage, a marriage starts with leaving.

You have to leave.

It says leave your father and mother.

In other words, the way you've done it and the way you've been raised, it's not that you can't take some of that with you, but you have to leave.

You have to leave.

Some of you guys coming out of other relationships, you have to leave.

Some of you guys got opinions based on your singlehood and your bitter best friends, you have to leave.

And the reason why you have to leave is because God asked you to cleave, but you can't cleave until you first left.

A lot of you guys can't cleave to your spouse because you haven't left, you haven't left your old entanglement.

Some of y'all can't cleave to you can't cleave your spouse because you're a little mama's boy, and you can't do nothing without mama's permission.

You gotta leave and grow up and quit being a boy who shaves and get ready to be a man and a husband and serve your family and your wife because she is first.

You have to leave.

You have to leave.

She has to leave.

Well, my mom, I don't care what your mama said.

I said this as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.

You have to leave.

Now, again, we're gonna love and we're gonna honor, we're gonna respect our parents.

I'm not saying that, but what I'm saying is this you have a new immediate family.

When you get married, you have a new immediate family.

It breaks my heart when I see how many people marriage is falling apart because of someone else.

There's a marriage circle and there's space for you, your spouse, and God.

Anyone else can see their way out.

And you can tell them I said it, quote me.

You know, I'd be a G a little bit, you know what I'm saying?

Nothing crazy.

Nothing crazy, but you have to leave.

And then after you leave, you have to cleave.

To cleave means to bond, uh, to adhere, to attach.

Uh, literally, the cleaving process is becoming one.

You cleave to your spouse, you attach to them, you become one with them, you begin to talk and share things, and you begin to communicate and open up your hearts to one another and your soul to one another, and there's this beautiful intimacy that happens, and you guys begin to attach, and you cleave together, and all of a sudden, you you release things that you've never released, and you open up parts of you that you never opened up, and you share your fears and your your hurts and your anxieties.

And I'm gonna say, when someone gets this transparent with you, never weaponize it against them.

I talk to people, sometimes I cancel them, and they say, Well, my spouse won't tell me the truth, okay?

What happened last time they told you the truth?

What you did was you use their truth as a bullet that you keep reloading in your gun every time you need to win an argument.

And when you weaponize truth by unforgiveness, all of a sudden you train your spouse to not be honest with you no more.

Because just because I told you the truth don't mean you got five years to hang me by something you couldn't let go.

Right?

So we have to grow, we have to grow.

We grow into this intimacy, this forgiveness.

Do you want to know what a successful marriage is composed of?

Two great forgivers.

When I see people with a healthy marriage, I know one thing these people can forgive.

Because that's what's required to have a healthy marriage.

So you you cleave, you become one with the person.

And then the Bible doesn't say you will be one, it says you become one.

It's a process, it happens over time.

You don't just be one.

And the Bible says you become one flesh.

Why did it say flesh?

It's because your flesh is the problem with your marriage.

Your flesh is you saying, see, I ain't gonna listen to nobody.

That's your flesh.

Who he thinks he's talking to?

Your flesh.

Ain't nobody gonna treat me like this.

Ain't nobody gonna, well, you don't want to speak to me.

I ain't speaking to you.

Flesh, flesh, flesh.

And the Bible says you should become one flesh, because when you align in flesh, the spirit is handled.

That happened at marriage.

The soul, yes, that's gonna be handled.

You guys gonna be knitted together in heart, but when that flesh becomes one, something powerful happens because that's the part of you that destroys the marriage.

So that has to become one.

So you begin in a talking, you're building this union and you're building this oneness, and God does beautiful things through it.

God's design for For marriage is that two shall become one.

In other words, he takes the two of you guys and he combines you together and he makes one.

He loves oneness.

Now, the devil is an anti-Christ.

Antichrist just means the opposite of Christ.

So if God takes two and combines them and makes one, what does the devil do?

He takes one and he breaks them and makes them two.

God combines to make one, the devil divides to make two.

So God's will is to make you guys one, and the devil's will is to make you guys two.

He wants to make you two in your approach, two in your parenting, two in your perspective, two in finances, two in decisions, two in the way you think.

And God is trying to make two become one, and the devil is trying to make one become two.

And the fight in your marriage is you're fighting for oneness because the devil wants you to be two.

He wants you to bring two.

And here's what he does: he comes and he his goal is this God's goal is oneness.

The devil's goal is division.

His goal is division.

He wants to divide you against each other.

Look at Adam in Genesis 2.

Adam said something so beautiful already.

Adam said, Bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh.

This is a beautiful poem.

When he saw his wife, it may sound a little weird to you, but back then he was spinning game.

I mean, brother, hey, game.

He was like, bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh.

She was like, Oh, me?

Here's a cast.

We get to Genesis 3, sin shows up, and then you want to know what he said when God pulled up?

It was that woman you gave me.

Wait, bro, where the palm at?

How do we go from bone of my bone to flesh of my flesh to it's that woman you gave me?

In other words, we started with she's a part of me, bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh.

After sin, bruh, she the problem.

You know what I'm saying?

How do we go from she's a part of me to she's the problem?

It is because division came, oneness was broken.

And whenever oneness breaks, blame shows up.

Whenever oneness breaks, blame shows up, which means if you have blame in your marriage, oneness is probably under attack right now.

You gotta quit blaming each other, take accountability, say, hey, I messed up, but I'm gonna get it together.

Hey, I need to do better.

Hey, I need to pray, I need to serve God, I need to, I need to do my part.

And when you do that, the marriage can be whole.

But when you don't, the marriage starts to break.

It starts to break.

So you have to make sure that you are not allowing the enemy to come in and to divide because he wants to divide, he wants to break up things.

And then I want to talk to single people for a second.

The best way to get ready to be one with somebody is to start becoming one with God right now.

The best way to be ready to become one with somebody is to become one with God because the two find themselves together in God.

So while you're single, I want you to know you're 50% of your marriage.

And right now you can add to your marriage or take away from it based on how you treat your singlehood.

I remember my wedding night.

And my wedding night, you know, it was like me and my wife were laying there, she's laying on me.

And you know, we actually did the marriage right, so we had never like spent the night or been together or anything like that.

We never slept in the same bed and stuff.

So we're here, we're laying there, and all of a sudden, you know, I feel my stomach go.

I'm like, dang, like she cute.

Like, dang, you know, I still got my cologne, like, hair still done.

We're like, she didn't even take off the makeup.

She's like, yeah, this is me always.

You know, I'm like, yeah, I have my cologne on.

We laying there smiling, hey, hey, hey.

And then brup.

I'm like, man, I got gas.

And I'm like, is it cool if I just let one go?

You know what I'm saying?

Is it cool?

Like, is we that?

Or are we not?

You know?

I'm like, where are we at in this thing?

You know what I'm saying?

And I'm like, well, she ain't never let one go, so you know, I'm gonna play this safe.

So I get up, I'm like, I'll be right back, baby.

You know what I'm saying?

Go to the hallway.

Start smelling bad.

I ran back in the room.

I jumped into the blanket, you know.

You had to get to escape that.

Five seconds later, she's like, what's that smell?

I'm like, let me face sleep, bro.

It ain't me.

I don't know who else here.

It ain't me.

Let me face sleep.

What's that smell?

I'm like, oh no, she didn't cut me.

And then I'm sitting here, I'm like, how is this happening?

Because I did that out there, and I ran.

But what happened is what happened out there?

Follow me back in here.

Single people, everything you're doing out here in singleness, not being whole, not serving God, not loving Jesus, not reaching your potential, not following your purpose, not growing in forgiveness and the grace of God.

And what happens out here follows you back in here inside of your marriage.

Your unforgiveness follows you, your pride follows you, your bitterness follows you, your anxiety follows you, and what you didn't deal with out there is gonna show up in here.

Single people hear me.

Your marriage don't erase your problems.

I've been passing guys, she just wasn't in the bed next to me.

And it was that cake.

It was that cake, you know what I'm saying?

That cake got me.

But but but but but the principle is true.

Everything you didn't deal with, you bring to your marriage.

Everything that wasn't healed in you is revealed in your marriage.

Everything that wasn't restored is uncovered in your marriage.

So make sure, as a single, you're working on your marriage by working on you and becoming one with Christ.

Can we give them a shout of praise?

As my couples come up, I'm gonna show you a picture.

I'm gonna show you a picture.

I want you to see this.

I'm gonna show you a picture.

We have a marriage, and we have the husband on one side, the wife on one side.

I'm gonna represent God here in the middle.

Now, you have to go back to the beginning because you want to see the devil's tactic.

The devil isn't creative, he isn't innovative, he just does the same thing over and over.

How does the devil destroy?

How does he destroy?

I'll tell you how the devil destroys.

He destroys marriages by destroying walks with God.

Say it again.

He destroyed marriages by destroying walks with God.

Both of you guys take a step backwards.

If you notice something, I'm God in the middle.

When they took a step backwards from me, guess what they also did?

They also took a step backwards from each other.

So, what the devil knows is this sometimes he don't fight the marriage directly, he fights it indirectly.

What he will do is attack your walk with God in order to attack your marriage.

When Adam and Eve was there, he never attacked their marriage.

He never said, Hey, don't love your spouse, don't be there for their spouse.

But we know he was after marriage because he did nothing to Adam until he got married.

So here's what he did: he attacked their union with God.

And the thing is, the further you get away from God, the further you get away with each other from each other.

The more distance you have from God, the more distance you have from each other.

So there's a fight to get you guys away from God.

If I could put distance between you and God, I could put distance between you and your spouse.

I'm gonna tell you something.

I've been canceling people since I was 16 years old.

Some dating uh and then married people later on, canceled tons of relationships.

And there's something I've never heard.

You wanna know what I never heard?

I never heard this.

We're closer in God than we ever been, and we're further apart than we ever been.

I've never heard that.

Every time there's an attack on marriage, here's what I always ask: where are y'all in God?

And there is somebody, and usually both people, that's further from God than they've ever been, and it's because they're further from each other than they ever been.

Now, watch this.

Both of you guys take two steps towards me.

As they both made a decision to get closer to God, guess what happened?

Simultaneously, they got closer to each other.

Even if you're like, my spouse isn't trying, well, you take two steps towards me, you stay.

Even though he just got closer to God, guess what just happened?

The marriage just got closer because one person was willing to take a step closer to God.

So even if your spouse ain't following God, even if your spouse ain't pursuing God, the closer you get to God, the closer y'all get to each other.

And now you take two steps towards God, and all of a sudden they're getting closer to each other.

Now, both of you guys take a step in.

Come on, take a step in.

And now they're closer to each other than they've ever been without even focusing on each other because they focused on God.

And this is why the devil attacks your relationship with God because he knows it will attack your marriage every single time.

And here's the deal: you guys both take four steps back.

Nobody got married and said, You know what, we just want to be roommates.

Nobody got married and said, You know what, we don't want to talk no more.

No one got married and said, You know, we just want to have the same last name and share kids, but we don't want to be intimate no more in our marriage.

Nobody desired to have it this way, but it was one unspoken expectation that gets us here.

It was one unmet expectation.

It was one offense.

You hurt me and I didn't let it go.

You hurt me, I didn't say it to you.

I'm frustrated with you.

You don't see me, you don't value me.

And over time, this starts chipping at our intimacy, and our intimacy starts chipping away at our intimacy with God, and we take steps backwards and we look up, and you guys take two more steps back, and we're further apart than we've ever been.

This was never our heart, and it was never our desire.

And the way we restore our union is by both walking towards God.

Come on.

And when we both walk towards God and we both serve God and we both love God, guess what we arrive at?

We arrive at each other.

Oh, come on, somebody, give God a shout of praise.

In other words, the key to a successful marriage is having a successful walk with God.

If you think through any relationship breakdown, there's always a breakdown with God first.

There's always a breakdown.

So you got to love God first, serve God first, show up with God first, and something amazing and something so powerful happens.

The marriage starts to heal.

And why does the marriage start to heal?

It's because the closer I get to God, the closer I get to forgiveness.

The closer I get to God, the closer I get to healing.

The closer I get to God, the more gracious I get.

But the further I get to God from God, the more I get.

Well, I can't forgive you.

I don't like you, I can't stand you.

Why?

Because that happens away from God.

I cannot mistreat my spouse and properly treat Jesus at the same time.

I can't do it, I can't do it.

So, what we have to do is be very intentional.

I want you to know there's beauty in your marriage, there's power in your marriage.

I got a scripture, I want to I'm gonna show this, I'll be quick.

I got a scripture, I'm gonna show you this.

Ecclesiastes 4, verse 9, it says, Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor.

Ecclesiastes 4:9

For if they fall, one will lift up his companion.

But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up.

Again, if two lie down together, they keep warm.

But if one can be one, but how can one be warm alone?

Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him.

And a three-folded cord is not easily broken.

Here's what the Bible is saying.

The Bible is saying that there's a return on two.

When you two come together at in the covenant with God, become one, there's a return.

There's multiplicity that that two can put 10,000 a flight when one can only put a thousand a flight.

There's a return, there's a return for the labor.

When you guys get married, there's a return for the labor.

When you guys build together, there's a return for the labor.

When you guys raise the kids together, there's a return for the labor.

Do you know kids are better off when both parents are in the home?

Why?

Because there's a return for the labor.

Anything you guys do together, there's a return for the labor.

Do you know married people live longer?

Why?

There's a return on your labor.

It is better when you guys come together.

It's the way God designed it.

There's a good return for your labor.

And then it says when one falls, the other one can pick the other one up.

When you fall, when you have a spouse, it's a beautiful thing because when you fall, they can lift you up.

And when they fall, you can lift them up.

It's a beautiful return.

Do you know it's it's amazing when you have somebody because as someone that's married, when I get out of alignment, I have someone there to let me know.

You better believe she's gonna let me know.

Right?

And you have somebody there, you have someone to pick you up.

And you know what?

And you can have this in a friend too, but when you're a single person, when you're wrong, it's easy to walk in error because you don't have no one to oppose it.

If my wife walks in error, guess what she gotta deal with?

She gotta deal with me.

I'm like, nah, no, like like you're single, someone said something to you.

See, they just said this because they don't like me.

Well, you got a spouse, no, they said it because you needed to hear it, and you do got an attitude problem, and you do need to grow.

Well, forget you too then.

Forget you.

No, I'm playing.

Don't do that, right?

But you have somebody there to pick you up when you're in an error, someone to pick you up, when you're wrong, someone to pick you up.

When you're mad at God because you think God should do something, you like, no, no, God is not a genie to be rubbed, he's a king to be worshiped.

We don't just go to God for what we can give.

We come to God for who we can, what we can give.

We pick each other up in the Lord, and then it says they're able to keep warm.

In other words, they're able to keep warm.

There's a heat that's coming between them.

My heat, my heat and my peace is gonna heat up your peace.

You ain't walking in peace, but because I'm walking in peace, now you're gonna walk in peace, and your joy is gonna heat up my joy, and your love is gonna heat up my love, and we're bouncing off of each other.

And when you're single, sometimes you don't have that multiplicity, you don't have that person to bounce off of.

They can keep warmer when they're together.

Or when you're fighting the enemy, it says that sometimes one can be overtaken, but when we both stand together and fight against the enemy, what can he do?

We are united and we're fighting against the devil.

We're gonna put that devil on the run together.

Marriage is beautiful.

The Bible says the three-braided cord isn't easily broken, it's not easily broken.

Do you know?

I grew up with women getting their hair done in the house.

I know firsthand.

It's a lot easier to take down twists than it is to take down micro braids.

I'm just saying.

I saw my sister that had that little pigtail comb, and all night they be trying to take down these micro braids.

Why?

It ain't easy to take down braids.

You gotta fight to take down a braid.

Why?

Because it's three strands together.

When it's you, him, and God in the middle, it's hard to take that down.

It's hard to break that apart, it's hard to destroy that.

Why?

Because three is braided together.

The rope is stronger because it has three strands.

And if you're a two-stranded rope, you need one more strand.

When God is in the middle, he will hold you guys together, and it will do amazing things through your young and your marriage.

It's a beautiful thing being married when two becomes one.

Now, let me show you something.

I got one more point to hit, and then we'll get ready to close.

One more point to hit.

I want to show you this.

I asked a question earlier.

I asked, what destroys marriage?

And we had a list of things.

But what ultimately destroys marriage is this.

It's when two refuse to be one.

The Bible says the two shall become one.

I'll tell you, when the marriage destroys, it's when you see a married couple and they're still two.

They're not one.

He still does it his way, he doesn't regard his wife.

She still does it her way, she doesn't regard her husband.

They are two, not one.

The secret to a healthy marriage is one.

When you're one, you will survive the storm.

When you're one, you will survive the trials.

When you're one, you're gonna make it together.

And guess what?

You can be two and still stay in the marriage.

Some of you guys are like, we've been married for 20 years.

How many of you been happy?

We've been together for 15 years.

How many years you've been one?

You can stay in here and still be two.

But if you want a healthy marriage, you have to be one.

One is the recipe.

And here's why one is a recipe.

Here's why one is you guys can bring it up.

You guys can bring it up for me.

Here's why one is the recipe.

The reason why one is a recipe is this the Bible says, What God joins together, let no man put asunder.

What God joins together, let no man put asunder.

So you gotta read it right.

It's not saying what God puts together, like don't let no one put it asunder.

No, it's reading like this what God joins together, let no man put asunder.

Like God's putting his chest into it.

What is he saying?

He said, When I make something one, you're not about to destroy it.

When God combines something, you're not about to uncombine it.

You can't separate what God has put together.

You can't unone what God has made one.

Well, why was it unone then?

It was unwon because there were two people that didn't let God make it one.

They didn't let God join it together, they didn't let God combine it.

I'm gonna show you a picture of this.

Right here.

You have him, and he comes and he's like, man, I'm excited.

You cute, hey boo.

And he's like, I'm ready to be one with her.

And he let God do what God can only do, and God comes and he opens himself up to say, Hey, I'm giving all of me to my wife, all of me to God, and we're gonna become one in God.

And he comes to become one in God, and then she's like, Oh my God, he's my king, he's my hero, my hugdy.

Look at him, he's so cute.

And now she comes and she becomes one, and they both come and they meet in the presence of God, and they become one in God.

Now, here's the thing when you become one, you can't unwon what God has made one.

No matter what I do, I can't unwon this now because it's one.

They were it was two, but now it's one, and I can't unwon what God has made one.

Even if I tried, even if I tried to come and divide, you would never ever get the blue again.

Why?

Because I can't unwon what God has made one.

Even if you put it in separate cups, I still can't unwon what God has made one.

I can, I can't unwon it.

I can try my hardest, I cannot unwon it.

When God makes something one, you can't unwon what God has made one, what God put together, let no man separate.

But the problem is most marriages don't look like this, they look like this.

And what happens is you never let God make y'all one.

You came in as two and you stayed two, and he never made you one because if you were one, you wouldn't want out.

You wouldn't want to leave, you wouldn't want someone else, you wouldn't want to break this down, you wouldn't want it.

Why?

Because you are one, and this is God's desire.

This is God's desire, which means whatever this experience is, they both experience.

Which means your pain is my pain.

Your grief is my grief.

When it said for sickness or in health, it's because your sickness is my sickness, your health or my is my health.

For rich or poor, your wealth is my wealth.

Oh, come on, somebody with somebody with some wealth, say, Praise the Lord.

We receive that, but also your poverty is my poverty.

We got to receive that too.

And then those old vows that we get rid of in these new marriages, right?

We just throw those old vows away, and that's why we get divorced so quick.

It says to have and to hold.

You know what to hold means?

It means to hold that thing down for the long haul.

To have and to hold, not to have until you don't want to hold no more.

What God has made one, you can't unwon.

Can we give God a shout of praise?

Come and stand to your feet.

Thanks for being with us today.

If this message strengthened you, share it with someone, and we'll see you next week.