All of Me | Pastor Eddie Blalock | Week 4

So I've said many times that to me as a pastor, it's really easier to do a funeral than a wedding.

Now I didn't say that I enjoyed it more, it's just easier.

You see, a bride dreams all of her life about her wedding.

Most of them are planned out to the minute with great attention to detail, and in her mind she knows exactly what she has dreamed about for years.

And my thinking is, but what if I mess up?

If I mess up, I can mess up a bride's lifelong dream.

And I think that's a pretty big weight of responsibility.

And yes, I know I've left out the groom, but that's because the bride dreams about the wedding day, but the groom dreams about the wedding night.

I've left him out of that process.

However, both of them need to be planning toward their marriage as much as their wedding.

The truth is, most engaged couples prepare more for their wedding than they do for their marriage.

Most have strongly considered their physical attraction.

They've considered their emotional connection, but I would suggest that very few of them, or at least the ones that I've canceled, have considered the spiritual compatibility of their future spouse.

For most of them, it's a lot more fun to just look forward to planning the wedding than to think about these details of the marriage.

The last three weeks, we've been exploring the joy of intimacy in marriage.

It's been a blessing, really, hasn't it?

We've seen that in order to be completely fulfilled in our marriage, we must grow.

We must grow in our emotional intimacy, we must grow in our physical intimacy.

And now today I want to suggest we must also grow in our spiritual intimacy.

Now, while we're talking about marital intimacy, these first two probably don't surprise you much.

You expected us to address them.

But this third one may take you back a little bit.

I can hear you thinking, I hadn't thought much about the need for a husband and wife to be spiritually intimate.

In fact, you might be thinking, I'm not really sure what that means.

Well, spiritual intimacy is not merely doing spiritual things together, it's two people growing toward Jesus and therefore growing toward each other.

And that's what I want to talk about a little bit today.

Spiritual intimacy is when a husband and wife invite each other into their relationship with God, and they pursue Jesus in a relationship with Him together.

So we've been talking now about intimacy as three different ways, in three different ways.

So let me let me give you a quick summary, recap, and I think maybe easy to remember.

Emotional intimacy, we said, was when I say to my spouse, I share my heart with you.

And then physical intimacy is when we say to my spouse, I share my body with you.

Now today, spiritual intimacy is when I say to my spouse, I share my walk with God with you.

So to address this matter, this subject, I think there are three key components.

And in our quest to grow our spiritual maturity, each one is equally important.

The first one is this: as we grow spiritually intimate, we grow toward Jesus.

Very important.

We grow toward Jesus.

Here's something we sometimes miss when we're trying to improve our marriages.

One of the greatest things you can do for your marriage is to become more like Jesus.

I don't know if you've thought about that before.

Galatians 5, verses 22 and 23, for example, Paul writes these words.

Galatians 5:22

He says, But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

Now, when you think about that fruit of the Spirit, we know they're not perfect in our lives, but as we grow to be like Jesus, they are more perfected.

They grow, they mature in our lives day in and day out.

Think about that.

If the fruit of the Spirit is present in my life and in the life of my spouse, look what happens.

Look what happens when Jesus forms me such.

Love replaces selfishness.

Patience changes how I respond when I'm mistreated or when I'm irritated or angry.

Kindness changes the way I speak.

That's a good one, isn't it?

Gentleness changes the way I disagree.

Faithfulness changes the way I view commitment.

And self-control changes the way I handle temptation.

You see, I'm convinced that the more like Jesus I become, the better spouse I become.

In my case, the more I become like Jesus, the better husband I become.

Most marriage problems have us looking to the room, right?

Looking across the room.

Like, what's wrong with him?

Or what's wrong with her?

Or why doesn't she, or why doesn't he?

But spiritual intimacy, I believe, turns the mirror around and asks the question, Jesus, what needs to change in me?

We focus on our spouse, but maybe we need to turn the mirror on to ourselves.

One of the major saboteurs of spiritual intimacy is unconfessed sin and apathy in our lives because they divide us, they separate us from the Lord.

Unconfessed sin stymies our relationship with Jesus.

It doesn't have to be.

John says this in his little book, 1 John 1, verse 9.

1 John 1:9

He says, if we confess our sins, he that is Jesus is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Now that's a big point, and it's an important thing.

So the more like Jesus I become, the better spouse I become.

It's important that we grow together toward Jesus.

The second key aspect is we grow toward each other in spiritual intimacy.

Remember Genesis 2, that's been our home base for the last few weeks.

Verses 24 and 25 in particular, let me remind you, says, this is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh.

Both the man and his wife were naked and felt no shame.

Now that passage reminds us that we've been talking about this whole time.

The goal of marriage is to be one flesh, naked and unashamed.

Now that's far bigger than emotions and sexuality.

One flesh naked and unashamed means there's nothing hidden.

That we're completely bare before each other and before God.

There's nothing to protect.

There's nothing to pretend.

That's a healthy place to come to in our marriage relationship.

You see, God's picture of marriage from the beginning wasn't simply two people sharing a house, a bank account, a bed, and some children.

It was two lives, becoming one.

Spiritual intimacy is a large part of that.

Spiritual intimacy gives me a safe place to say things I can't say in other places.

To say things like, here's what I'm struggling with.

Here's what I'm afraid of.

To say things like, here's where I'm doubting God in my life right now.

Or here's what God's been teaching me.

Or how about this one?

Spiritual intimacy gives me a safe place to say to my wife, my spouse, would you pray for me?

When was the last time, by the way, you told your spouse what God was doing in your life?

Just had a simple conversation and shared what God was speaking to you, where God was leading you.

I'm not talking about talking about what happened at church yesterday or not what the preacher said, but I'm saying what God is doing in your heart and life.

And what about when's the last time you had a conversation, honest conversation about sin in your life?

You see, spiritual intimacy is built on Jesus as the only fulfillment of our soul's deepest longings.

Listen, can I make this clear?

Your spouse makes a wonderful partner, but your spouse makes a terrible savior.

As a matter of fact, it's completely unfair to place unrealistic expectations on her.

It's unfair or him, it's unfair to ask your spouse to do what only Jesus can do in your life and in your heart.

It's unfair to ask her or him to fulfill you in areas that only Jesus can bring fulfillment.

Unlike Jesus, your spouse is not perfect.

You know that.

I know that, and your spouse knows that.

Your spouse cannot carry the weight of your identity.

And I think of this so often.

My spouse, Beth, cannot carry the weight of my identity, my worth, my ultimate happiness, security, and fulfillment.

Only Jesus can do that.

She can come along and be a part of that, though.

And that's where the spiritual intimacy comes together.

So we grow toward each other.

We let our spouse into what God is doing in our lives.

The third key component that I wanted to mention is this: we grow toward God together.

So, so very important.

We grow toward God together.

We're on a spiritual journey.

We're on a spiritual path together.

I think of Abraham when he was walking up Moriah with Isaac.

Twice the writer of the book said something so simple and yet so very important.

He said, as they walked along and he described what was happening, a key little sentence says, so they walked on together.

When I read that passage, I think of the fact that Abraham, as he struggles in his faith, had Isaac there to walk with him.

And Isaac, who must have struggled with the fact that there was a, uh he had the wood and the everything he needed for the offering except the lamb.

But he walked along with Abraham, had someone walking with him.

And guess what?

The wonderful thing is we have a partner to walk together with us.

You say, well, Pastor Adi, how do you do that?

Well, I don't have enough time to talk about that in detail, but let me offer a few suggestions.

At least three things that I think are very practical that might help you here.

First of all, worship together.

If you really want to grow toward God together, let that be a starting point.

Worship together.

Don't make church attendance the whole definition of spiritual intimacy.

Did you hear that?

But don't minimize it either.

It's not enough to just come to church together, but it is important to worship together.

There's something powerful about standing beside the person you've covenanted your life with.

It's important to stand beside that spouse, your husband, your wife, and worship the God who holds that covenant together.

There's something that happens there.

Worship shapes our perspective and reminds us that we do not exist for ourselves.

Les and Leslie Perot have an incredible book called Simbus, and in that book, they say something very important.

They said a recent survey showed that couples who attend church together, even as little as once a month, increase their chances of staying married for life.

That's just the stats.

That's not preacher talk, that's stats.

But listen, here's the preacher talk.

You must be aware of the practice of the making, here's what I'm gonna call it, the making mama happy approach to church.

You know what I'm talking about?

Well, I'm coming to church today just to make mama happy.

That, my friend, maybe is a good practice, but is not spiritual intimacy.

In fact, it can be a saboteur of true spiritual intimacy because you can replace moving toward God together with simply making mama happy by being attendance, uh, in attendance at a church one day.

So worship together.

Secondly, serve together.

A couple can become so focused on their house, their kids, their money, their vacation, their problems, their future, that marriage can easily become entirely inwardly focused.

Everything focuses on me and my issues, my priorities, and what I want.

Serving together reminds you, our marriage isn't just about us.

That God wants to use us to serve others.

You may remember the great commandment Jesus said is to love God with all your heart.

But he said the second is like it: love your neighbor as yourself.

And with that love comes a sense of serving, of drawing together with.

So worship together.

Find a place to serve together.

And then the third thing I'll say, and I think the most important, pray together.

Stop fighting with your spouse and start fighting for your spouse in prayer.

What would happen if you began praying for your spouse as he or she battle the spiritual battles that they face every day?

Do you understand there's an enemy that wants to destroy my wife, your husband?

You understand that there's a battle that's going on?

What would it look like if you began praying for your spouse as though they were engaged in a battle?

Because they are.

Now, for some of you, praying out loud with your spouse feels more vulnerable than most anything we've talked about so far in this entire series.

It just lays you bare.

Yeah, well, that's the point, right?

But why is that?

I think it's because when I pray honestly with Beth, I'm praying in front of Beth.

And she hears what's really in my heart.

When I pray with Beth, she hears my fears, my hopes, my weaknesses, and the things I'm asking God to change.

There is a vulnerability, a vulnerability that's built there.

But my friend, she also hears my trust in God.

She also hears me praying for her.

She also hears me praying for our children and our grandchildren.

And I'm telling you, it brings together an intimacy, a bond that is so powerful and so important.

So let me close out by taking you to one more helpful passage of scripture that I think speaks to this subject of spiritual intimacy in marriage in a powerful way.

In Ephesians chapter 5, the Apostle Paul gave us some incredible truth.

Ephesians 5 · chapter mention

He says these words in 5 verses 28 through 33.

Listen, he writes, In the same way, husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies.

Now I could stop and talk about that for a while if time permitted.

That's for another study.

He who loves his wife, Paul says, loves himself.

For no one ever hates his own flesh, but provides and cares for it.

And now listen to this, just as Christ does for the church.

Since we are members of his body.

And then he writes, For this is a reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.

Now that should sound familiar to you, right?

Paul is simply quoting the Old Testament here.

So for those who are thinking, all this talk you guys have been doing is old stuff, it's old testament stuff.

Well, now we're bringing it to the New Testament.

And Paul himself is quoting the words of Moses.

And then he adds this interesting comment.

He says, This mystery, this joining of husband and wife to become one, he says, this mystery is profound, but I'm talking about Christ and the church.

Notice that Paul quotes the same passage, and yet he adds a thought, a commentary.

This mystery, it's profound, he says.

It's hard to grasp, it's important, it's huge.

What is it?

I'm talking about Christ and the church.

So here we discover something very important, I believe, about marriage.

It may be surprising to you, maybe even be astonishing to you, but listen to this.

I think Paul is saying that your marriage, my marriage, is about something even bigger than your marriage.

Marriage is intended to tell a story about Jesus and his church.

The way we live depicts very clearly the gospel.

So, in reality, my friend, your marriage is a sermon.

What's it preaching?

What are you preaching?

Your marriage is preaching something.

It's preaching something to your spouse, it's preaching something to your children, in my case, to my grandchildren, to your friends who are watching you and watching your marriage.

Really, to all the people who are watching you, it's preaching a sermon.

So my question is: what is your marriage telling them about Jesus?

That's very important.

And that's a part of why spiritual intimacy is such an important ingredient in our happy and fulfilled marriage.

I challenge you today, friend, give some serious thought to this matter.

Don't just push it aside.

Don't just think this is just the church touch on the marriage relationship.

No.

This is important.

It is every bit as important as that relational intimacy, that physical intimacy we cannot do without.

Or at least we lose out on our marriage if we don't also enjoy spiritual intimacy.

Growing us close to Jesus, drawing us to each other, and drawing us to walk on a journey with God together.

So here's my takeaway for today, and I hope it'll be a blessing to you.

Don't just share a home.

Share your walk with God.

In your marriage, however long you've been married, whether it's a year, six months, or 60 years, don't just share a home.

Share your walk with God.

Because the closer you grow to Jesus, the closer you can grow to each other.

I promise you.

It's true.

Let's pray.

Heavenly Father, thank you for giving us this time together, and I thank you for blessing us.

You're a good God who's given a good gift of marriage, and we're thankful for it.

Now, God, help us to grow.

Help us to grow as partners, marriage partners.

Help us to grow in our relational, emotional intimacy, in physical intimacy, and most of all in spiritual intimacy.

We pray in Jesus' name.

Amen.