Don't Waste Your Pain - Pastor Mike Houck | 9.27.26

So uh David sent me a preaching schedule, and he asked me if I would be open to preaching uh today.

And I said, you know, sure.

This was back in August.

And um he said, Do you have an idea for your message?

And I had one that was going through my head, and so I said, Yes.

Um, I said, I want to preach on not wasting uh your pain.

Uh if there was a second title, it would be Turning Trauma into Triumph.

And so as the couple of uh weeks went on, uh we got the news of uh John Stellingworth passing.

And um that next day I met with Andrew, his son, just to talk to him.

And he said something uh that just jumped out at me.

He said, you know, it really hurts, but I don't want to waste my pain.

And he said, I want to make sure that something good comes of that.

And so I was like, wow, that that's really an affirmation um and didn't know when I had, you know, um given David that title that that was going to uh take place.

And um so I didn't want you to I I felt kind of like well, maybe I should change it because you know I don't want it to be directed to that necessarily, and it's not.

Um, but anyways, we're gonna proceed with it as planned.

So I want to talk to you about the origin of pain first.

Um, number one, pain and suffering are a direct result of the fall of man.

A direct result of the fall of man.

In Genesis 3, 15 through 19 it says, To the woman he said, I will surely multiply your pain and childbearing.

In pain you shall bring forth children, your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.

And to Adam he said, Because you have listened to the voice of your wife, and have eaten of the tree which I commanded you, you shall not eat of it.

Cursed is the ground because of you, and pain and in pain you shall eat it all the days of your life.

Thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you, and you shall eat the plants of the field.

By the sweat of your face you shall eat bread till you return to the ground, or out for or out of it you were taken, uh, for you are dust, and to dust you shall return.

So pain, the the pain that we experience in life and um throughout our lives, is a direct result of the fall uh of man.

That is not to say that every pain that you experience is because of your own personal sin.

We're talking about in a kind of a universal sense that there is pain that exists on the earth uh because of the direct result of Adam and Eve's disobedience to God in the garden.

And so none of us will escape it.

None of us will escape uh pain.

Sometimes as Christians, we feel like we should get a pass on hardship because we've given our life to Christ.

And I think sometimes maybe our pain is increased because we have given our life to Christ.

I won't I won't say that as a as a kind of an absolute statement, uh, but sometimes that that is the case.

And someone once said something to me that uh really just kind of rattled me.

And now as I step back, I said, well, yeah, I should have realized that all along, but I didn't because I I was going through some particular hardships in ministry and uh was just kind of feeling like, uh, you know, why me?

Why am I being kicked on?

Why am I?

And someone said to me, they said made this statement if Jesus Christ as the Son of God could not escape this earth without wounds, what makes you think you're entitled to?

What makes you think you're entitled to breeze through life without any pain, without any scars, without any hurts, without any offenses?

And it got me thinking about Jesus.

We know of his pain uh and suffering at the cross.

That's certainly highlighted in scripture, but he experienced pain all through his life.

It's not recorded for us, um, but we know um that the circumstances around his birth were suspect at that time.

We know now about the virgin birth and that the Holy Spirit came upon Mary.

But back then they didn't know that.

And so it his birth was certainly scandalous.

I'm sure that that was brought up by people.

You know how people are, they gossip and they talk and they share that stuff with their children.

And so maybe playing as a child, um, they, you know, might have accused him of being born out of wedlock or being a bastard uh son, or um, we also know later on we don't we hear about Joseph and then we don't.

And so scholars believe that at some point Joseph died.

So he went through that pain of losing someone that he uh that he loved.

Um there were disappointments.

We even know in ministry, and it's not really recorded this way, but I think that honestly, uh, people got on his nerves.

Um yeah, I I think, you know, um the crowds followed him, they wouldn't escape him, they were always looking for something from him.

Um, my wife and I, we uh have a phrase in our house.

Uh maybe you share the same phrase, uh, but we say, you know, well, I've reached my people quota.

I just I don't I don't want to uh see anybody for a while.

Um and and uh as a young pastor, um another older pastor shared that statement with me.

And what I found out is when I get to that point, if I don't get away from people, I'm probably gonna say something that's unkind or do something that's unkind or can be misinterpreted.

And so I need to, I just need to back off and just kind of collect.

And Jesus did that.

I mean, how many times does it say that Jesus got away by himself?

Um, and of course, you know, scripture um uh kind of spiritualizes that.

I mean, he got away by himself to talk to his father.

But can you imagine those prayers?

God, these people are driving me crazy.

Dad, I don't know how you put up with them.

Um, you know, um I'm sure that that that that happened and that Jesus experienced pain of of uh humanity being human uh throughout his life and especially in his ministry.

And so in the um the sin and the the fall of man in the garden, we have the introduction of emotional pain.

I'm I'm sure that they were disappointed.

Um, we know that they experienced shame.

They ran and they hid.

Why would they hide?

Because they experienced shame.

And so there was the introduction of emotional pain, there was the introduction of physical pain, psychological, and relational pain.

All of that came on.

It must have been just a heavy burden all of a sudden uh to come on all of that as a result of disobeying God.

They had never experienced any of that pain before.

Uh, they were able to walk and talk with God in the garden.

And now all of a sudden, they were hiding in shame.

And and um so with the onset of that um physical pain, in pain, you will labor.

Um, there was psychological pain and relational pain.

It must have even uh it doesn't say that, but we can imagine that maybe there was a kind of a rift in the relationship between Adam and Eve.

You know, uh Adam certainly uh wasn't didn't play the role of the man as God has had instructed him.

Um, and what did he say to God?

He said, the woman that you gave me, and he kind of passed off that responsibility.

And so there must have been some relational tension at that point, some pain uh that they experienced.

And so all of that was the result of the fall of man.

Secondly, I want to talk to you about the source of pain, the source of pain.

We have the origin of pain, and now we have the source of pain.

And so there are several sources.

There may be more, but I've listed for you four that are pretty common.

The first one is this self-inflicted, self-inflicted pain.

It's the result of poor choices and sin.

I won't ask for a show of hands, but we all can probably relate to something that we did uh in our life, and maybe in disobedience or making a poor choice that resulted in pain.

We have evidence of this in scripture, uh, certainly with King David uh after his fall with um Bathsheba.

It said he he didn't confess it, he didn't bring it to God, he tried to hide it.

And in Psalm 38, 4 through 8, it says, For my iniquities have gone over my head like a heavy burden, they are too heavy for me.

My wounds stink and fester because of my foolishness.

I am utterly bowed down and prostrate.

All the day I go about mourning, for my sides are filled with burning, and there is no soundness in my flesh.

I am feeble and crushed.

I groan because of the tumult of my heart.

He experienced physical pain, he experienced emotional pain, he experienced shame, all because of his sin, his his his choice.

It was self-inflicted.

He brought that on himself as a result of his sin.

We see that in the Old Testament, again in the Old Testament with Moses.

Remember when Moses, see, Moses reached his people quota, um, he uh and they were complaining and whining about water.

And so what did God instruct him to do?

To speak to the rock, and instead he he smacked the rock.

You say, well, what's the difference?

Water came out.

Well, he disobeyed God, and as a result of that, what happened?

God said, You're not gonna go into the Sea of the Promised Land.

Can you imagine working all your life, leading these people, putting up with these people, being a mediator between them and God, and then getting to a point where in your frustration you disobey God, and God says, You're not gonna see it.

You're not gonna see it.

You're not gonna have that.

Can you imagine the pain and the frustration and the sorrow and the shame that he must have experienced as a result of that self-inflicted pain?

Number two.

People.

People are a source of pain.

We often use this expression.

Well, I hope you use this expression instead of the other one.

Uh, they are a real pain in the neck, right?

We've all used that, or maybe the other one in a moment of frustration.

Why?

Because people can be a source of pain.

We we don't have to look far in the news to see abuse, torture, oppression, bullying, neglect.

It's all a source of pain.

Uh, because people are in pain, whether they know it or not, they cause pain.

Hurting people hurt people.

It's it's pretty common.

And sometimes when someone um if someone is uh particularly hurtful to someone else, um you have to look and say, oh, so why not not necessarily at what they do, but why do they do what they do?

The sad reality is, for example, someone who's who it has been abused is very likely to become an abuser because of that pain.

It's not always, it's not across the board.

Some people have been able to step out of that, and that's fantastic.

But hurting people will hurt people, and so you see that continuance.

Um people will repeat what oftentimes has happened uh to them.

In Exodus 1, 9 through 11, we have a great um example of that.

Behold, the people of Israel are too many and too mighty for us.

Come, let us deal shrewdly with them, lest they multiply.

And if war breaks out, they join our enemies and fight against us and escape from the land.

Therefore, they set taskmasters over them to afflict them with heavy burdens.

And so we see here as an example the uh Egyptians uh abusing and oppressing uh the Israelites.

Mainly, what was the motivation?

The motivation was fear, and fear caused them to abuse and to afflict inflict pain upon the Israelites.

There's all kinds of motivations, underlying motivations for why people hurt people.

Sometimes it's just ignorance, they don't just don't know any better.

Um but people will hurt people.

There's probably not a person in this room that hasn't been hurt uh in some fashion by another person.

Number three.

Circumstances.

Circumstances things happen.

Ecclesiastes 9 11, Solomon wrote, Again, I saw that under the sun the race is not to the swift, nor to nor the battle to the strong, nor bread to the wise, nor riches to the intelligent, nor favor to those with knowledge, but time and chance happen to them all.

So, in other words, things happen.

Circumstances uh may come up, there may be some a coincidence that happens um that changes the course of your life, either for the good or for the bad.

Um, but not everything uh that happens um is a direct result of somebody else's problem or somebody else's fault or something that um somebody inflicts on you, things just happen.

And um we have a tendency, I think as Christians, to try to find a source of why, you know, why is my day going bad?

And um we we may blame ourselves or the favorite one is to blame Satan, you know.

Um, well, Satan's really after me today.

He's probably not even paying attention to you, but um, you know, we have to find a reason behind, but things happen.

Things happen.

Life happens, circumstances happen.

It's just it's just natural.

Um in uh in Genesis 3, we see um in pain you shall eat it of it all the days of your life, thorns and thistles it shall bring forth uh for you.

Things happen again, circumstances number four.

Um we don't like this one, but God can be a source of our pain.

And we know this particularly from the story of Job.

In my in my devotional experience, I just uh recently went through uh the entire uh book of Job, and um and at the beginning of the book of Job, we know we see this picture of uh Satan, um the all of the angels appearing before God, and Satan appears and God addresses him and says, What have you been up to?

Um and uh we'll we'll pick it up in verse 2 of chapter 2.

And the Lord said to Satan, From where have you come?

And Satan answered the Lord and said, Uh, from going to and fro on the earth and from walking up and down on it.

And the Lord said to Satan, Have you considered my servant Job?

Thanks, God.

Um, there is none uh like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man who fears God and turns away from evil.

He still holds fast his integrity, although you incited me against him to destroy him without reason.

Then Satan answered the Lord and said, skin for skin, all that a man has he will give for his own life.

And so what happened here?

Um Satan appeared before God, and God said in chapter one and in chapter two, have you considered my servant Job?

Um, he is a very righteous man, and in essence, gave uh Satan the idea uh and permission to inflict Job with pain as a test, um, because God had confidence in Job and uh his ability to persevere uh in that trouble and in that trial.

In Deuteronomy 28, uh fifty-eight through fifty-nine, it says, If you are not careful to do all the words of this law that are written in this book, that you may fear this glorious and awesome name, the Lord your God, then the Lord will bring on you and your offspring extraordinary afflictions, um, afflictions severe and lasting, and sicknesses grievous and lasting.

Wow.

Uh doesn't sound like a very, very nice God, and I'll address that in a moment.

And then in 2 Corinthians, we have the Apostle Paul who says, Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me, but he said to me, My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.

Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

For the sake of Christ, then I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities.

For when I am weak, then I am strong.

And so we hear here we have three examples of God inflicting pain, allowing pain uh to come upon a person.

Uh he God doesn't necessarily um uh send uh Satan to you, but God will allow um certain things to happen in your life, and all of that happens for a purpose, for a reason.

Sometimes it's a result of uh judgment, uh, sometimes it's a result of uh testing, sometimes it's it's because God wants to humble you, and uh, in the case of the Apostle Paul, and so things happen to good people.

It's been a question that's often been asked why do why do bad things happen to good people?

Or why do Why do bad things happen to Christians?

None of us are exempt.

On the way in this morning, I happened to be listening to the radio, and I was, there was a pastor on, and he was speaking.

And it was this morning and yesterday afternoon.

It was a very similar topic.

Somehow we believe that we are entitled, particularly as Christians, and particularly as American Christians, we believe that we're entitled to a certain amount of comfort, a certain amount of peace and God's mercy and God's grace.

And we have received that.

But we're not entitled to that.

What we're entitled to, each and every one of us, is what we've earned is the wrath of God on our lives.

And so, but we we forget that.

We forget that that's what we deserve, and that's what we've earned as a result of being a sinner.

And that God's grace and God's mercy are a gift from Him.

We have a tendency to reverse that and think that we are entitled to God's grace and God's mercy, and that anything that bad happens is a judgment from him.

You see how looking at it uh the wrong way can affect the way you're thinking?

Like God, I'm I'm such a good person, and I don't know why you're allowing this hardship to come upon me.

And Job had a little bit of that problem.

I mean, he he had experienced all this blessing in his life, and then God allowed this hardship to come on him.

And so he, you know, I don't know why God is uh allowing this.

And in the process of those questions, which in questioning God, he never sinned against God, he never turned his back on God, but he did call into question the justice of God.

Well, why are you doing?

I've been a righteous person.

Why are you doing this?

As though he didn't deserve it.

When in reality, he deserved that, and he didn't reserve any of the mercy or any of the grace that he had had.

And so we have to make sure that we don't approach God with that attitude as though somehow you're allowing these things to happen to me because you're being mean.

Because after all, I'm such a good person.

No.

In reality, we deserve everything we get.

What we do not deserve is God's mercy and grace that is extended to us.

Make sure we understand that.

Because it'll change the way we look at God.

Third, I want to talk about the power of pain.

I want to talk about the power of pain.

You think, well, does pain have a power?

Yes.

We learn this very early in life.

When a child falls and they hurt themselves, what happens?

They begin to cry.

And if you're a normal, decent human being, what do you do?

You run over to that child and you pick them up and you hug them and you tell them everything's gonna be okay, and you comfort that child in their pain.

So we learn that that is supposed to be the response for the pain that we've experienced.

And children will even uh take it a step further.

Um, you know, you you go to visit.

I might go to uh visit my grandkids or have one of them come over.

And what will they say?

Do you want to see my boo-boo?

You want to see and so of course, yeah.

Oh, show me your boo-boo.

Tell me how that happened.

Whoa, that must have hurt.

Do you want me to kiss it?

Perfectly natural response.

And so we we teach them that pain has a certain amount of power, it exudes a response from you.

The problem is when you're in your 60s or 50s and something happened 30 years ago, and you go running around.

You want to see my boo-boo?

Something bad happened to me years ago.

You want to see it?

You want to hear about it?

Because I need to be hugged, and I need you to feel sorry for me.

And it becomes extremely obnoxious.

And what ends up happening is that it begins to trigger the opposite response.

You begin to avoid those people because they're always in a pity party.

Well, my husband left me, or I was bullied, or this happened, or that happened, and they never grow beyond that.

They've learned the power of response in a negative fashion, and so they go their whole life seeking that response.

And there comes a time where you have to mature beyond that, where what happened to you is no longer an excuse.

It's, you know, it's too late for us to kiss the boo-boo.

So, number one, pain can cause you to become bitter or better.

Bitter or better.

I tell this story often.

It's a story of two men, one very successful.

I probably told it here.

You know, when you've been a pastor for so many years, you just repeat yourself.

So I apologize.

But it it it is appropriate for this thing.

Um, so this uh journalist wanted to do a story on a person who was extremely successful and a person who uh was just, you know, a gutter bone.

And he went to them and he went to the the person in the gutter who was all down and out and and just begging on the street.

And he said, Why are you the way you are?

And he said, I am the way I am because my father was an alcoholic, an abusive alcoholic.

And so then he went to the person who was extremely successful, uh, president of a company, doing really well, and he said, Why are you the way you are?

And he said, I am the way I am because my father was an abusive alcoholic.

What does that illustrate?

It illustrates that you may not have a choice in what happens to you, but you have a choice in how you respond to it.

And so you can take that experience and you can call it, you can use it to become bitter, or you can use it to become better.

You can go around life saying, Wanna kiss my boo-boo?

Or you can use that pain to help other people through their pain and to motivate other people to grow beyond their hardships and their hurts and their experiences to become better.

Secondly, well, let me um Ephesians 4, 31 through 32 tells us as Christians, let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.

Be kind to one another, tended-hearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you.

And so for some of us, we need to forgive the pain of the past, whatever caused it, whether it was our own doing, whether it was another person, whether it was a circumstance, or whether it was God, we need to move beyond that.

We need to accept responsibility for it, our part in it.

We need to forgive those who have transgressed against us, and we need to move on.

No bitterness, no hardship, no continuing to hurt other people because we've been hurt.

There's no place for that in the church, there's no place for that in the Christian experience.

And so, some people, yeah, you've been hurt, and I apologize for that, even though I may not have had anything to do with that, but you've been hurt.

But let me say this lovingly.

Okay, so grow up, grow beyond it.

Now, there's a time for that.

There's a certain amount of time for grief and hardship, and and you know, the pain is raw, and and so you need to work beyond that, and you need to allow that person to heal.

And uh, we've talked about how um grief has different stages, and you need to give a person room to move through those stages of grief, but after a while you need to let that go.

The hurt may never ever totally go away.

But how you how you respond to it needs to change.

Secondly, pain can bring out the best or worse than you.

Romans 5, 3 through 5 says, not only that, but we rejoice in our suffering, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

God has a pathway out of your pain.

There are certain things that will happen as a result of that, as a result of your suffering, as a result of the persecution or whatever it is that you may have experienced.

Pain can bring out the best or the worst in you.

And number three, pain can help to explain bad behavior, but it doesn't excuse it.

Did you get that?

That's important.

Pain can help to explain bad behavior, but it doesn't excuse it.

So a person who's hurting and hurts somebody else, we can say, okay, I understand why you're doing that, but it's still wrong.

You still need to correct it, you still need to change.

And so um there's a lot of people that go around and they they hope that their pain, the pain that they've experienced, excuses their behavior.

It doesn't.

You have to own your own behavior, regardless of what has happened to you in the past.

That's all a part of endurance and maturity.

You don't continue to do what was done to you because of what was done to you.

You have a choice in the matter.

And number four, the purpose of pain.

We can use our pain to help others.

Second Corinthians 1, 3 through 4, blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in our affliction so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with a comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

What does that verse say?

It says, Don't waste your pain.

Don't waste your pain.

Yes, something happened to you.

Could have been a variety of reasons.

The pain was real, it was hard, it hurt really bad.

But as a follower in Jesus Christ, we can take the comfort that we receive from God in our moment of pain and use it to help others in their pain.

I didn't ask permission to use this illustration, but it just came to me, so I'm going to.

Between um Michaela and David, uh, my wife had a miscarriage.

We we lost a baby, and extremely painful uh for her in particular, going through that experience.

But she has had the opportunity to minister to I don't know how many different women who have gone through that.

And um, she's often given them a book that was helpful to her uh during her time, her pain.

Now, would I wish that on anyone?

No.

But there have been many women who have been blessed and have been encouraged by my wife only because she experienced that pain for herself.

You know, a lot of times when people are going through pain, um, you know, one of the tendencies is to say, Well, I know what you're going through.

Don't say that unless you really know what they're going through, okay?

Because it it just can be very demeaning.

Um, and and just, you know, well, well, I know what you're going through.

You know, someone lost a loved one.

Well, I know what you're going through.

I lost a dog, you know.

No, it's not the same, okay?

It's it's not.

Uh, so be careful and use it.

But if you do know what they're going through, um, the scripture tells us that we should be able to take the comfort that we have received from God in that moment of pain and use it to comfort those who are in pain.

That is the purpose of pain.

The Bible says that God is able to take all things and turn them for good.

He doesn't make all things good, but there's good that comes out of all things.

It doesn't mean that the pain wasn't painful, it just means that God can take that and can use it for your glory?

No, for his glory.

Okay.

Um, secondly, uh, pain can strengthen our faith.

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds.

For you know that testing of your faith produces steadfastness, and let steadfastness have its full effect that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

And number three, God can use pain to mature you for his glory.

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Be sober-minded, be watchful.

Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.

Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kind of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world.

And after you have suffered a little while, the grace of God, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.

To him be the dominion forever and ever.

Amen.

Let's go back to Job for a minute.

Job inflicted, or um, why?

Because he was in the hope of turning him away from God.

God allowed that pain as a test so Job could endure and persevere in his faith.

So let me say this to you that Satan can be very present in your pain.

Why?

Because he knows that you're at a moment of weakness, and it's very easy to become um indulged with yourself, to be become very self-centered in those moments, and to um fall away from God or to begin to blame God, and even in Job's life, his wife, why don't you just curse God and die?

You know, I mean, thanks, honey.

Um, so you need to understand that pain is a real battleground.

And as fellow believers, we also need to understand pain on behalf of someone else is a real battleground, can be a real battleground for them.

And so we need to pray for them.

Not just that they get through the pain, but that they mature through it and that God is there with them and that God shows himself to be very real to them in that time of pain.

The other interesting thing about the book of Job is if you if you read it, it can be um it can be a tough book uh to get through.

Um maybe someday we'll we'll preach on it.

But God, Job asked all kinds of questions.

And the people who came to so-called comfort him, who were very comforting, they asked all kinds of questions.

And then at the end, God asked questions, but throughout the whole book, God never explained why he did what he did.

Job never got an answer.

Never, I mean, we know because the book was written for us, but Job never got an answer.

God didn't say, well, Job, hey, this is why I allowed this to happen.

Never got the answer.

We often look for answers for a pain.

We never we may never get them.

We may never get them.

But the Bible is very clear that God can use our pain to help others and for his glory.

And so let me say to you in closing, don't waste your pain.

Don't waste it.

God has a purpose in it, God has a plan in it, and that plan is for your betterment.

It may not feel like that at the moment, but trust him.

Don't waste it.

Let's pray.

Heavenly Father, we wish that we didn't have to go through pain.

We wish that Adam and Eve had never sinned and that that wasn't a part of our experience, but yet we know that it is.

And so we accept that.

We ask God for those who are hurting that you would comfort them, that you would protect them and guard them.

We pray that you might use whatever pain they are experiencing for your glory.

We pray that they would persevere through that.

For those of us who have experienced pain in the past and have not let it go, we pray, Father, that your spirit would cause us to mature, that we would recognize it for what it is, and that we would choose a response that causes us to become uh better people and equips us to help others who are in pain.

We pray this all in the name of Jesus.

Amen.