Parenting on Purpose // Pastor Chuck Colegrove // Sept. 27th

Well listen, I'm ready to preach God's word.

You ready to receive it?

The year was 19 1980.

The year was 1980.

I'm an 80s kid.

Listen, y'all need social media to make it look like you were in the 80s.

I lived it.

I lived it.

And uh 1980, I was about to be 10 years old.

My brother was a college student at Hope College in Holland, Michigan.

And I got to go spend a few days with him on campus.

And so we did what all uh what you always do with the coolest older brother in the world.

We went we went to the gym and played basketball.

We were on campus.

We went to the big giant pool.

I got to jump off the high dive, the Olympic high dive.

I got to we went to the cafeteria and ate some college food.

And I thought, I thought Ben it was awesome.

I've learned later it's not that good.

And uh we went to a bunch of parties.

I'm kidding.

I was only 10.

I wasn't even 10 yet.

We didn't go to any parties.

I'm joking.

But um we went, we we actually, Holland is right there on Lake Michigan, and so my brother took me fishing on Saturday of that weekend that I was there and grabbed the gear and parked the car and walked out on this jetty that goes way out into the lake, and we were fishing from there.

And you know, the reason why you know these are true stories because we didn't catch any fish.

If I lied about these stories, we would have caught all kinds of fish, but we caught we caught nothing that day.

And on the way back, as we were walking back, um, I remember thinking to myself, man, I don't remember these rocks like climbing all over and like feeling like if I had a misstep, I was gonna fall in the lake.

And I asked my brother, I was like, hey, how come is this we're going back a different way?

Because I don't remember stepping over all of these different levels of rocks that go out into the lake.

What did we how do we how did we get out of here?

I don't remember this.

He says, Oh, we this is exactly the way we came.

You were just following me.

You had your attention focused on following me, and you weren't paying attention to how uh dangerous the steps were.

And that's the year that I learned when you fix your eyes on the person you're following, it helps you to avoid the dangers.

But as soon as you start to focus on the danger, you realize just how much trouble you might be in.

Why don't you turn your neighbor and just say, we are parenting on purpose?

Alright?

And to the one you've just been ignoring all morning long.

I don't know, you've been up in your own little world singing.

Look at the other one and say, You look great.

We are finally gonna close out our series, Parenting on Purpose.

Um, last week we we had a little, we had, I mean, the Holy Spirit moved in a powerful way.

I couldn't preach.

And um, I feel like the whole week was just residue of the presence of God resting in this place.

How many know the promises of God?

This is what the word of God says, that he dwells in the place where people praise him.

So, like, I believe that like after we're done worshiping, we leave the Holy Spirit here, but the Holy Spirit always also goes with us because he's in us eternally.

So that's why you can walk into this room and feel peace because where we worship, he dwells.

So he dwells wherever you will turn your attention on him, your focus on him.

It's why Paul said we fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and the perfecter of our faith.

We fix our eyes.

And when we fix our eyes on Jesus, we overcome life's problems.

When we focus on life's problems, we have difficulty even seeing Jesus.

And in the context of parenting, I want you to know you cannot enforce what you won't model.

So if you want your kids to follow you as you follow Jesus, you gotta fix your eyes on Jesus.

And I promise you, if you do that, they will follow you.

The Bible is true.

The promise is this Proverbs 22 and 6.

Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he's older, he will not depart from it.

Now I have seen that promise fulfilled.

I've lived that promise, but I've even seen that promise fulfilled even when it didn't look like it was gonna be fulfilled.

Where everybody around the situation would say, see, I told you it doesn't always work.

And I said, hey, just hold on, because late in the midnight hour, God's gonna turn it around and around and around and around until it works out according to his promise, because God is not slack in fulfilling promises as some c as some count slackness or slowness.

He will fulfill it.

So, parent, you keep focusing on Jesus, and your child will continue to follow you to Jesus.

So look at the scripture, or the main scripture for this entire series, Deuteronomy chapter 6, verses 6 and 7.

Deuteronomy 6:6

It says this These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts.

Impress them on your children.

Man, sometimes the visual I get is just you get the word of God out and you get the ironing board out and you get the iron out and you put their clothes on there and you just press in God's word all over their clothes.

And when that's not working, you put them on the ironing board.

And put God's word there and just press upon them God's word.

Impress them on your children.

Now listen, how do we impress the commands of the Lord, the word of God, how do we impress that on our children?

Watch this.

Talk about them when you sit at home, when you walk along the road, when you lie down, and when you get up.

That means in every way, in everything, at every time and everywhere, you do not stop talking about God's word.

You can always find a way to put God's word into every daily situation you're in.

And so remember, we talked about raising remarkable kids.

Young adults, we talk about being remarkable young adults.

Families, we talk about being remarkable families, and remarkable just simply means exceptional or outstanding, uncommon, noteworthy.

I told you that you're set apart, and if you're willing to live differently, eventually you will live differently.

And then also I did say this this parenting on purpose tip.

You cannot teach what you're unwilling to model.

And last week we, well, two weeks ago, three weeks ago, I don't know, it seems like a long time ago, we talked about respect, that respect or honor, like that, that really is the uh it it is it is the way in the culture of the kingdom to be respectful, to honor one another, to put one another before yourself, to speak kindly to, to speak kindly about, to to actually uh invest and help out those around you.

And so we want to honor up, down, and all the way around.

And so we talked about being respectful, and you first of all you need to model it.

You model respecting others.

If you talk about their teacher, they're gonna talk about their teacher.

If you talk about their pastor, they're gonna talk about their pastor.

If you talk about their sister, they're gonna talk about your sister.

So you model it, and then you you require it.

You can't live in my home if you're not gonna honor and respect me.

And now now I'm not gonna kick you out when you're young, but I'm gonna let you know the the standard is in this house you're gonna honor and respect.

That means if I put down and enforce a rule and you don't agree with it, it doesn't mean you can talk back to me and talk nasty to me.

Oh, you thought I'm just preaching God's word, but it's actually helping you as parents.

My cousin and I, we were, his name was Steve Martin.

Imagine that.

So my cousin Steve Martin and I, we were, I probably shouldn't use his name, but it's too late.

Hey, cuz we were we were uh we like to push time and be late every once in a while.

And I never forget his mother told us like dinner's at five, and if you don't make it at five, you don't get to eat.

And so we got there at 5.05.

We walked in the door, we're like, we're starving.

She says, No, I told you be here at five or you don't get to eat.

He's like, Well, that's stupid.

I can't tell you what she did next, but I can tell you we were never late again.

He she determined he was never too old to get a little straightening out by the straightening out belt.

And I was a little older than him.

I just stood there like, man, I'm not getting in this.

This is so you require it.

If you're gonna you require it.

We're gonna honor and respect people, and we're not gonna talk about people because if you get used to talking about people, people will get used to talking about you.

So you're respectful.

Number two, we're gonna talk about being remarkable as you you be reliable.

Reliable.

Reliable means to be trustworthy, dependable, honest, and loyal.

And you know what's crazy is this is listen to what this word says.

Uh I'm gonna do another verse real quick.

Proverbs 20 and 6.

It's not in your notes.

This one, as I was prepping late last night, uh just looking through my notes again, uh, this verse stood out to me.

It says, a lot of people say they're trustworthy.

But who really is trustworthy?

A lot of people say they're reliable, but you know how reliable shows up?

Exactly, it keeps showing up.

And if you're gonna be reliable, you need to be trustworthy, dependable.

Learn how to keep your commitments, to be honest, to be loyal.

No fair weather fan friend, no fair weather fans.

I love you know, you know who I love in this house?

Chicago White Sox fans.

Because, see, the only people that cheered are people who are really fans.

Because the rest of you don't even know they're in the playoffs for the first time in a long time.

Am I right?

No, but by October, if they keep playing, everybody's gonna have a White Sox hat on.

White Sox fans and Green Bay fans, they kind of close together.

I'm joking.

Christian, that's just a joke.

That's just a joke.

No, but to be reliable means to be loyal.

And there's just a few things.

First of all, teach kids to tell the truth.

Hey, listen, 99.9% of the truth is still a lie.

It doesn't matter how much truth is in it, if it's not all the truth, it's a lie.

And I mean, no one taught our kids how to lie, but our kids are good liars.

I know it wasn't me because I when I tell a lie, I get a smirk on my face.

I have a terrible poker face.

Urshana always finds me out, so I just decided to quit lying.

It's just not worth it.

But look at what the scripture says, Proverbs 17, 7.

Eloquent lips are unsuited to a godless fool.

How much worse lying lips to a ruler.

I mean, you never heard, it's like if you just break that down, you just it's not, it's not worth lying.

And parents, you teach your kids to tell the truth.

I've all we've always told our kids, you need to tell us the truth now.

Even if it's nothing, you think it's something we don't want to hear, because if we find out later, there's gonna be a greater consequence.

Not different consequence because what you did, but different consequence because you lied about it.

So you want to teach them to be truthful, tell the truth.

You want to teach them to keep their promises.

Psalm 15.1.

Who may dwell in your sacred tent?

Lord, who may live in your holy mountain?

Verse 4.

Who despises a vile person but honors those who fear the Lord, who keep an oath even when it hurts.

So who can dwell in the mountain of the Lord?

Those who keep an oath even when it hurts, and does not change their mind.

So we want them to keep their promises.

Parents, we keep our promises.

Listen, another area that we can learn better as in culture and and families is to keep confidentialities.

Like there are certain things you don't need to tell everybody everything.

Keep a confidentiality and just hold it close.

And if you don't understand it, pray about it.

Proverbs 11, 13 says, a gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret.

And I said it just a second ago.

If they're talking about someone with you, they'll talk to someone about you.

So teach them how to hold a secret and watch their mouth and keep their tongue.

And listen, we want to we want our kids to be reliable and to keep their promises and be loyal.

And that doesn't, that's just not as we want to be reliable going to school.

You don't let your kids just miss school.

I mean, we thank God our kids are in school.

They got something to do every day.

Like 16 weeks of summer is enough.

Let's get them in school.

The other, there was they had Monday off last week.

We don't have kids anymore, but I felt so bad for all of you parents with kids who had Monday off of school.

They just started.

They don't need a day off yet.

Let's run that thing a little bit.

Let's get them, let's wear them out.

Let's teach them to be reliable.

And in the church, teach them to be reliable.

Help them.

Parents, help your kids.

If your kids are within uh they're breathing, even in a diaper all the way to fifth grade, we have an incredible, excellent ministry downstairs for your kids to help teach God's word at an age-appropriate level.

It's not just babysitting, but it is purposeful to help reinforce what you're doing at home.

And so young families, listen, as soon as you can get that kid out of your arms and into a nursery class, do it.

Then you can worship.

Our team is incredible.

They love the babies, and you can just worship and take a break.

When they're younger and they're a little bit more rambunctious and they like to climb up and down on things, perfect.

When they're in first grade and all the way through fifth grade, get them in there.

Because guess what?

If you can get them in now, the promises of God over their life start to be spoken and start filling their heart.

And then when they're in sixth grade, it's not gonna be a stretch to lead them to witness youth because they have all their friends they've been with since first grade, all the way to fifth grade.

And they're like, hey, we got to go to sixth grade, junior high, witness youth, we finally arrived.

And I said it a few weeks ago that a lot of times with our kids, we say, Well, our kid doesn't know anybody, so we're not gonna put them into that space.

But the reality is they'll never know anyone until you put them in that space.

It's great space.

In fact, you can listen, if if if you want them to be up here for the worship, I mean, they got great worship downstairs.

They're singing songs and dancing and they're working on moves and they can teach you.

So listen, just get here, 9:30, come walking in the door, walk them right in, check them in, let them have some fun down there.

They're gonna take, they're gonna lead them in worship and a great word.

It's gonna impact their lives.

And I would just I would encourage you, like, drop your kids off.

It's gonna be okay.

If they're fussy, we're used to it.

If if they don't always follow the rules, we're used to it.

If they try to escape, that's why we put all those walls and doors in.

We never lost one yet.

And and if your kid's in sixth grade to 12th grade, I I would I would make it a priority.

Get them to Witness Youth on Sunday nights.

Next week we launch the fall season of Witness Youth.

It's gonna our team's been preparing, working, investing.

They're fired up.

It's gonna be incredible.

And if you're if your students in sixth grade or through 12th grade, plant them into God's house.

Listen, you don't let them miss, you don't let them barely miss a T-ball game.

But you let them talk you out of missing youth.

So let's let's merge those and be reliable, be committed, be loyal.

And I was thinking about this, you know, church, free church, let's see, we're it's well, we're like 56 minutes right now, and I'm racing to an end.

But let's just say we're 75 minutes on a Sunday.

We have 50 Sundays because we take a Sabbath on July 4th, and we take a Sabbath between Christmas and New Year's for our teams to rest and be with family, and I kind of like it.

So 50 Sundays at 75 minutes is right around, I think the number is like 3,750 Sundays, something like that.

Or minutes, 3,750 minutes.

Which if you divide that, that's about 62 hours.

And 62 hours of Sunday church in the scope of 8,760 hours in a year, you're not even spending 10% of your hours in a year in church.

It's less than one percent.

See, students, you do use math as an adult.

But what I'm telling you is if you think just one Sunday is gonna make a difference, 50 Sundays are still not even 10% of your year.

Not even 1% of your year.

So I'm just telling you, make a commitment to get your kids and get your family.

You're here.

I'm preaching to the choir.

This is really for everybody online.

But make a commitment, and this is what I would say make this commitment for your family.

We will not be involved with anything that consistently causes us to consistently miss Sunday morning.

Now, I'm gonna tell you, our kids, our kids played sports, and they played on teams that traveled in the summer.

And Elliot had about one month out of the summer where he missed church because of baseball.

The twins, they played on another team.

They had a few more Sundays in the summer, but you know what?

We we just made a commitment.

Like, if any way possible, you'll come to church for as long as you can, and then a family's gonna have to pick you up.

Because guess what?

We can't take you on Sunday.

And whenever there were practices, we were like, guess what?

You know what?

If there's a practice on Sunday and it's not, it's it's not a mandatory practice, they're gonna miss practice on Sundays.

If it happens to fall inside of church.

And then, listen, parents of students of sixth grade to 12th grade, like I would pay attention to the schedule, and when the youth team rolls out the trip to Access Nation, the youth conference in June, I would say, book it now.

The week of Father's Day, so they typically leave Father's Day for that week and go to Memphis, Tennessee for a life-changing week in God's presence around thousands of kids.

It's incredible.

I would book it now and say, Well, you say, Well, what about their teams?

Guess what?

Their teams will be okay.

But your kids' life is hanging in the balance, and I want you to teach them to make commitments that have eternal consequences to them.

So, so let's teach our kids to be reliable because honestly, the best word is a kept word.

The third thing.

is we need to teach them to be resourceful.

Teach your kids to be resourceful.

To be resourceful means making the most of what you have or solving problems that others overlook.

And what I would say in this is if you're not careful parents, you tend to be a fix it for everything that happens in their life.

And when they're little and you're a fix it, it it's it's doesn't seem that dramatic.

But as they get older and you keep fixing it, what you're what what you're doing is you're telling them that no matter what problem they get themselves into, you're going to get them out of it without consequence.

And so you got to let your kids fail every now and then.

When we first moved here in 2012 the twins they weren't even they they they weren't even five yet and we we realized like hey we're launching the church in September uh we need some we need them to be in a preschool around here and to God be the glory the preschool right across the street they gave us a discount because we had two kids and we were planting the church and so we could get them in there and we went in the first day and we got to the little table and the teacher said well you got here just in time because we're about to have snack and I was like awesome and on the table was a a pitcher full of milk and another pitcher full of Cheerios and I was like great and I grabbed the milk and I grabbed a little cup and went to pour and she went oh no no no no no parents don't know this is for this is the child's responsibility and I thought well therefore but I've fixed their food or Sean and I have prepped their plate we've always poured their drinks I said well it's probably gonna spill and she said it probably will and little Eli grabbed that pitcher of milk and just dumped the whole pitcher and while he was doing that Evan grabbed the cereal and put the whole thing of cereal and I went see and she went guess what they might do that a few times but they'll figure it out before this year's done and they did.

And that was the day I learned listen I can't fix everything they get themselves into.

There's gonna be a consequence until they learn the lesson and that's gonna happen in every life age and every life stage and at four when it's milk and Cheerios the consequence is not very much but when they're 18 and they're running out of the house with the keys of your car without permission the consequence is a lot greater you can't fix everything.

Teach them to be resourceful.

Let them fail let them make mistakes mistakes mistake failure's not final if you make a mistake in our house it's okay we're gonna pick back up and work back through it but listen you got to at least let teach them that they can make mistakes you know what adults who are afraid to fail or fear failure they never got a chance to fail when they were a kid they were held to an unachievable standard and if they did start to slip and fall somebody picked them up and finished it for them and I used to finish the sentences and homework I used to do the math problems for them.

That does not help them you gotta let them learn it.

They need to be resourceful they need to figure out how to fix something oh there's so many stories because we've had so many times where we're like just sit back and watch see how you get out of this one.

But I will tell you this it doesn't mean I'm absent when they're in trouble but there there is a consequence to every decision.

We said this yesterday while we were talking about a situation the choices you make are yours but the results are the world that you live in and so parents you got to teach them to be resourceful.

Paul says this I know what it is to be in need and I know what it is to have plenty.

I learned that the secret of being content in any and every situation whether well fed or hungry whether living in plenty or in want I know the secret is that God shall supply all of my needs and that there are going to be days where I have a lot there are going to be days where I don't have a lot that does not change the fact that God's promises are true for my life and I'm gonna be resourceful and do the best that I can with what I have until God chooses to bless me so that I can keep moving forward.

We teach that to our kids teach them to be resourceful teach them to mow the grass teach them to change the oil change a tire I'll never forget Ethan called me when he was living in Memphis down at Life College and we dropped him off there when he was 17 and we're like the next two years you're gonna be planted in this house and serving and learning everything you can learn and I'm so proud of the way he's living his life today and leading so well.

But he called me he's like Dad I have a flat tire I was like not much I can do from Memphis from Chicago to get to Memphis to help you with a flat tire.

He's like Dad it's bad like I don't think I can just put air in it I was like well I've taught you to be resourceful and you do have a little card called triple A.

So I'm gonna go ahead and hang up now and you call triple A did it he did I told someone the other day Evan is at Grandview University in Des Moines in the first year as a freshman we drove him there tears streaming down her face we moved him in we got him a fridge we got his bed set we put everything college dorm life you're all set cried on the way out second year we're like you're gonna do good just go ahead and load that car up and thank God you're resourceful go on and get to cool don't go on and get to college you're gonna be just great listen let them figure some of those things out what you want to do is model it you be resourceful and then and then celebrate it when they are resourceful and and this is this is the goal you don't want them to say when will someone do something about this you want them to be the kind of people that will say how can I make a difference in it not wait on everybody else to fix it.

What can I do to make it better right now?

Because I can't do it all but I can do something because I'm resourceful.

And the last one come on musicians come on back the last one is teach them to be resilient resilient is the ability to get back up from failure and disappointment to help them to not quit when it gets hard I told somebody earlier today my spiritual father used to tell me if you're walking through hell don't you stop keep walking through Proverbs 2416 says for though the righteous fall seven times they rise again but the wicked stumble when calamity strikes falling does not mean unrighteousness.

Unrighteousness is a standard when you decide when you fall you don't have to get back up.

But righteousness says you know what I've fallen but I'm gonna get back up again.

And that's why I have brothers and sisters around me because if I do fall two are better than one so that when I fall somebody can help me get back up.

And we're gonna be resilient people which means when the tough gets going we will keep going when the going gets tough we will keep going I I think so many times when life gets difficult we we have a standard that we just kind of throw the towel in and run away from the difficulty.

And I'm telling you if you'll lean into the difficulty fixing your eyes on Jesus you won't even you won't even realize you're stepping over different levels of rocks and crevices and things that are in your way but because your eyes are fixed on Jesus you don't even recognize how dangerous the step you're taking we don't walk by sight we walk by faith let's teach our kids that when it's difficult on the playground teaching to be resilient.

Now our family we're really not fighters like to say we're lovers we're we're not fighters I mean I think the only fights the twins have ever been in is with each other so maybe we're a little bit fighters but but I used to tell the boys just as a way of being a good dad like listen don't you ever start a fight at school but also if a fight is started you be the one to finish it don't run from the difficulty and expect just lean in you know what he's bigger than you he might beat you up but you know what he's not gonna get away with pushing you around be resilient disappointment does not mean derailment failure is not final you can get back up again listen I thank God for the failures in my life because it actually helped me lean more into what God wanted to do with my life and when I would lean more into what God wanted to do with my life it helped me get closer to the people I should be around and move myself away from the people that kept tripping me up.

That's why Paul said lay aside every weight and every sin which so easily besets us and run the race marked for us toward the prize of the high calling of Jesus Christ listen there are things that are gonna slow us down but it doesn't matter how difficult it gets I will not quit I I think you put those four principles into action in your family.

Man life changing world changing and I'm gonna close with this I know we're a couple minutes over this I I came across this study and we can put that graphic up on the screen so basically every dot represents the life from 18 until well if we were to live to 90 years old.

Come on I want to I want to live old graciously with health listen my best days are before me not behind me I'm more fit today than I think I was at 30.

Now I could go faster at 30 now I got to be more determined but look at these so if you spent just in the amount of just normal human activity sleep from 18 year old till 90 that's about 288 months worth of your remaining life work and school about another 126 months driving about 18 months cooking and eating 36 months of your life chores or errands running back and forth running kids to sports activities come on I've done that a few times 36 months of your life bathroom and hygiene 27 months worth it's a lot of toilet paper which would leave you with about 334 months of free time or time to do what you want and build principle and build life and experience and adventures but then we've got this little demon called the screen and most of us will spend the next 312 months of that's more than we sleep from 18 to 90 it's more combined work driving cooking chores bathroom and that leaves you with about 24 months to actually live with the purpose of making a difference why am I showing you this because listen those 24 months will disappear in a second unless you're on purpose unless you're living on purpose and you know what I would say parents like I would challenge you to take a break from your screen with your children.

So don't ever show up to the dinner table with your phone.

Let that be sacred time let there be activity time as a family where everybody puts their phones away like my social media is pretty terrible because I don't really have my phone that often when we're doing stuff I have to remind myself oh we should have we didn't even take a picture I was telling some of this story Urshana and I got to meet the senior president George Bush George W.

George W yeah and Miss Barbara and we met them in a at an arena in one of the walkways and he took a liking to Urshana right away and invited us to take a picture with him well he invited her I kind of snuck in and well I was just thinking that technology is so old I we don't even know where that picture is but we know it took place.

We have it somewhere and then we have you know a phone full of pictures that go back to the last time we updated our phones that's like 2017 so we have this entire world of pictures we don't know what I'm telling you is if you miss the picture it's gonna be okay you still got the memory and actually the time spent is going to be better than the picture the story's better than the picture.

So I just want to encourage you parents remarkable kids won't happen on purpose on accident it's only by purpose.

Young adults living a life of purpose will help you live a remarkable life and you'll be able to plan now for your future with so much so much more potential and purpose in your life if you put these principles into action now you guys can you receive that word today come on let me pray for you father thank you great day in your house God we want to Lord we want to fix our eyes on you I pray for every parent every family help us to live on purpose to put these principles into action not just be hearers of the word but doers of the word and Lord I just thank you if you keep your eyes closed your head bowed maybe you never made a decision to follow Jesus can I just walk you through that decision today maybe you walked into this room you've never made a decision to follow Jesus and through the singing the worship time the powerful moments the testimony that Chris shared with us the incredible impact we're having globally but you're like you know what I want to make a difference what do I do very first thing is recognize the difference Jesus makes for you he walked on this earth he died on a cross and the Bible says when you didn't even know it he died for you on a cross.

On a third day though after being buried in a borrowed tomb he rose again with triumph over death hell and the grave and he did that for you to remove your sin.

And sometimes we get caught up in saying all the things about sin what it is and but the reality is sin is really the gap between where you are and where God wants you.

God wants you close.

If you've never made a decision I'm gonna pray this prayer I pray that you'll pray this and meet it in your heart God says if we confess with our mouth what we believe in our heart we'll be saved.

You ready?

Come on church pray with me dear Jesus thank you for loving me for paying a price I could not pay to give me a gift I could never earn I choose to believe you died on a cross for me.

I turn from my own ways and follow after you be my Savior be my Lord and I'll never be the same again in Jesus' name amen.

Come on church let's stand and celebrate what a great day in God's house