Relational Success: Belong (Stewarding a Relational Revolution Pt. 8) | 09-27-26

Explain that, but let's pray and then we'll read our scripture.

Father, thank you for your word.

Thank you for your ways.

Thank you for your promises.

Thank you for your principles.

Lord, we we know that your words are life.

Your words are peace.

Your words are health.

Your words are truth.

Help us to know your word.

Help us to understand your word.

Help us to perceive your word and receive your word.

Give us eyes to see and ears to hear, hearts to receive your truth today.

Holy Spirit, teach us your ways.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Matthew 22, 37, our text, Jesus said to him, You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, with all your mind.

This is the first and great commandment.

And the second is like it.

You shall love your neighbor as yourself.

On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.

How many of you know that the law was a foreshadow of something?

That the prophets were foreshadowing things.

They were sharing warnings and messages and promises and prophecies of God.

And essentially what he's saying here is if you have great quality of relationship with God and great quality of relationship with people, you will fulfill the whole point of the whole Bible.

That's a powerful statement.

Galatians 5.22 is another text we've talked a lot about in this series.

And it says, when the Holy Spirit controls our lives, he will produce this kind of fruit in us: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

Against these things, there is no law.

Again, another scripture that summarizes something massively important to our lives as followers of the way, as followers of Jesus, and as people who are called to have great relationship with God, in great relationship with each other, without the fruit of the Spirit, healthy relationships are not possible.

So we have to have to have that.

And I love how that the living Bible puts it when it starts off, but when the Holy Spirit controls our lives.

Some translations say when we are directed by the Holy Spirit, when he's the director of the movie of our life, these will be the the evidence will be these things.

The proof will be these things.

And I call them the relational servants of God.

As if you have the fruit of the Spirit, you will have what you need to have great quality of relationships.

So here's where we talked about.

We talked about take relational responsibility.

That was number one.

Take relational responsibility.

These are the principles that govern relational health.

Your relational health is your responsibility.

You choose how engaged relationally that you are.

We're not victims.

We're not on the defense.

We are all on the offense relationally.

It's our responsibility.

We choose if we serve.

We choose if we give.

Number two, we talked about forgive and apologize often.

When you forgive someone and you release them and what they did to God, you align yourself with blessing.

God's blessings run parallel with forgiveness and unity.

When we hold on to and harbor an offense and we distance ourselves from people, we align ourselves with cursing, and Satan's curses run parallel with offense and division.

So God's blessings run parallel with forgiveness and unity, and Satan's curses run parallel with offense and division.

Offense and division.

Number three, put trust in the gap.

What you actively or passively put in the gap of a relationship, a relational gap, determines the climate or condition of that relationship.

You can fill a gap with trust or suspicion.

You can put positive things, you can assume positive things, or you can assume negative things about people, about motives, about intentions, about whatever gap there is, right?

Whatever question mark there is in a relationship, you choose what you put in that gap, and whatever you put in that gap basically becomes the atmosphere of that relationship or the attitude of that relationship.

Number four was make allowance for faults.

Make allowance for faults.

Your ability to have deep and meaningful relationships will depend on your ability to make allowance for what the faults of that friend will cost you.

You must decide ahead of time if you're willing to pay the price of being that person's friend or not.

Understanding the faults, understanding the faults of your important relationships and strategically figuring out how to make room and provision for them, not allowing those faults to create distance or division is the only way that relationship is going to have any type of longevity to it.

And so we talked about making allowance for people's faults.

And that brings us to number five, number five.

And it is belong.

Belong.

I say it like this.

If you want to belong, you have to be long.

If you want to belong, you have to be long.

Persevere relationally.

You have to persevere relationally.

Relationships will cost you, and you have to be willing to persevere relationship.

There has to be a heart in you and a mind in you that says, the relationships are valuable to me, this person is valuable to me, and I am willing to do whatever it takes to persevere relationally with this person, with this group, with this church.

The greatest, listen to me, the greatest and most rewarding fruit comes only after decades of relationship.

The greatest and most rewarding fruit in life that you can experience comes only after decades of relationship.

Now, I have friends that I've had for decades.

I've had friends that I've had for years.

I've had friends that I've had for known for months, people that are newer relationships, people that are two years, three years old in relationship.

And then I have people that I've known for 25 years, for 35 years.

And there's just something about those long-term relationships.

Something about when Denny and Deonza were standing here last Sunday, and having known them for 26 years, having been in ministry with them for 26 years, having been around them as much as we've been around them, having the impact they've had on our life.

There's something when you get in a room with something, something happens in your heart.

There's something gold, there's something precious, there's something priceless about Mike back sitting there.

And my mom and dad, who I've known my whole life.

It's amazing.

It's amazing.

And there's good things that can happen after six months of friendship or a year, but there's something different that happens when there's 10 years.

You know, my kids have some friends right now that they've had for a couple of years, and they have friends that they've had for 10 years.

And when they get in a room with some of the friends they've had for 10 years, there's something different that happens.

And it's not anything, it's only, it's not anything anybody, the friends that you've only had for a year or two, no, no, nobody had anything wrong.

There's a difference that happens that only time can create.

That only consistency, that only persistence.

If you've had a friend for 10 years, 15 years, 20 years, that is a relationship that has persevered.

Eugene Peterson wrote a book.

He's the uh pastor who authored the message Bible.

He he put that together.

It's such a beautiful work.

And he wrote many, many, many books, and he's an amazing, amazing author and theologian.

But Eugene Peterson wrote a book called A Long Obedience in the Same Direction.

Discipleship in an instant society was the subtitle.

And his central idea is that Christian maturity is not primarily produced by dramatic moments, but by sustained faithfulness to God over an entire lifetime.

That's what we're in this for.

We don't just give a day to Jesus.

We don't give a month, we don't give a year.

How many of you know we give our life to Jesus?

And let me just tell you, there's a surrender that hasn't happened if you haven't given him your future.

When I think about being in a long-term relationship or having a long-term commitment to a church, I honestly never thought we would have left Shreeport Community Church.

I thought we would die there in Shreeport, Louisiana.

Never thought we would leave my because I had given my life.

And I had no plans on taking it back.

I had given my life to Jesus and I had given my life to that church.

And I had surrendered my entire future.

I mean, there's a freedom there that you don't get if you haven't surrendered your entire future.

If you've got all these other plans and all these other things about what the future might look like, there's a surrender that will set you free from all the stress and all the worry and all the striving that comes with that that you just can't get any other way.

Until you have surrendered your future, you have not fully surrendered your life to God.

And I believe that, and God had to force us to leave.

I mean, literally, our pastor had to sit down with us and go, hey, I think you should pray about this.

And we prayed about it, and God just started speaking and saying it was what he was doing.

We would have never left and moved here 10 years ago, 11 years ago.

Would have never happened.

But you know what?

As soon as we moved here, you know what my mindset was?

I'm gonna die here.

I'm gonna die here.

I'll live my whole life.

I'm never leaving this place unless God forces me to, and I don't think he's going to.

This is my community.

This is where I'm going to live my entire life.

I have no plan B.

Long obedience in the same direction.

I would submit to you that relationships with people look the same way.

Long obedience in the same direction.

Belonging is less about if you fit in with a certain group of people and more about unwavering commitment to these five governing relational principles that we've been talking about.

I believe that this one is the glue that holds all the other ones together.

It's the bookend that if we don't get this right, those other four principles that we talked about, they fall off the shelf.

Because it really isn't that significant to have a close friend for a season.

It's not that significant to have a close friend for a year or a good relational season with someone.

The true value of friendship shows itself only after years and years and years of commitment and investment in that relationship.

In some ways, I feel like this first year of River Life has been a harvest, a relational harvest that was 10 years in the making.

I feel like one of the reasons God had us wait, there was a lot of reasons God had us put River Life in the ground in 2017 and had us wait.

We moved here in 2015 to plant the church.

We didn't plant it until 2025.

It's 10 years we waited before we launched what God told us to launch.

And I think one of the reasons was we did not have the relational harvest that we needed to do this healthy and right in kingdom when we just parachute in and start blowing up ads on social media and gathering with strangers and even unified in a mission like planting a church isn't enough.

It takes years and years and years and years of walking with people and going through the various seasons of those relationships before a harvest can come.

Relational success looks like a relational harvest.

My concern as someone who's called to help people succeed relationally is that so many people give up after only a few years when the relationship starts to cost them something.

And they completely forfeit the harvest that was in the works.

The fruit that was in the ground of that relationship gets aborted.

Galatians 6, verse 7 says, Don't be misled.

Galatians 6:7

You cannot mock the justice of God.

Another way of saying that is you can't get one over on God.

You can't fool God.

You can't trick him.

Don't be misled.

You cannot mock the justice of God.

You will always harvest what you plant.

Those who live only to satisfy their own sinful nature will harvest decay and death from that sinful nature.

But those who live to please the Spirit will harvest everlasting life from the Spirit.

Listen, listen, here's the key right here, verse 9.

So let's not get tired of doing what is good.

Listen, at just the right time, we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don't give up.

Amen.

Listen, and he's talking about relationships here, because listen to what he this seems almost like out of place here.

Therefore, whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone, especially those in the family of faith.

We are guaranteed that if we don't live by these biblical principles, we're guaranteed to have a trail of good but short relationships in our relational history.

Apart from these relational principles, we will always find justification for the relationship failures that will conveniently always be the fault of the other person.

But listen to me, God has promised us that relational success with himself and others is possible.

It's one of his promises.

Love the Lord your God with all your heart.

Would he say that if it wasn't possible?

Would he say to love others as much as you love yourself, like you love yourself if it wasn't possible?

It's a promise.

It's a promise.

Listen, don't abort the promises of God because you refuse to operate in the principles of God.

The promises of God's word are only obtainable by consistently operating in the principles of God's word.

The promises in God's word are only obtainable by consistently operating in the principles of God's word.

They're connected.

You can't separate them.

You don't just magically, belief doesn't lead to promises fulfilled.

How many have some promises that you want to see fulfilled in your life?

How many of you want to walk in the will of God?

The will of God is important to you.

You want to fulfill the will of God.

You want to fulfill, see the promises of God fulfilled in your life.

Every promise is connected to a principle.

It's not chance or luck or fate, it's providence.

Not worldly providence, sovereign providence.

It means that God provided for his plan and his will for your life ahead of time.

The provision has been made.

You know what the provision is?

His principles.

He made provision for the promises in his principles.

He made provision for his will in his ways.

We simply live according to his ways and principles, and his will and promises will be fulfilled.

If you want God's will, you have to live according to God's ways.

God's ways always lead to God's will.

God's ways always lead to God's will.

Do you want to see God's will for your relationships?

Then we have to submit and operate in his ways, and then we will see his will.

So if you want to belong, you gotta be long.

You gotta keep on keeping on.

We need some relational keep on in our lives.

Matthew 7, verse 7.

Matthew 7:7

Jesus talking about perseverance here.

Keep on asking and you will receive what you asked for.

Keep on seeking and you will find.

Keep on knocking and the door will be open.

For everyone who asks receives.

Everyone who seeks finds.

And to everyone who knocks, the door will be open.

What was the what's the relational?

I'm sorry, what's the biblical principle there?

What's the the way there?

Keep on.

It's only promised to those who persevere.

How many of you know we all need some relational keep on in our life?

Because everyone goes through funky seasons.

If you've had friends long enough, you know that.

And if someone's been your friend long enough, they know that about you.

Everyone goes through funky seasons.

It's just the way that it is.

And sometimes when someone's in a funky season, you just need to you just need to say, man, they're just in a funky season right now.

And you just deal with it.

I don't know what else to say it.

I can't make it real spiritual.

Everyone gets in a season of selfishness.

Everyone.

Yes, you.

Everyone gets in seasons of insecurity.

Everyone.

Everyone goes through seasons of distraction.

That happens to everyone.

And when you're friends with those people and they're in those seasons, yes, it will negatively impact you.

Yes, it will be frustrating.

Yes, it will be irritating.

Just keep on.

You just need a little relational keep on.

Amen.

If you press through, if you keep on, you will reap a harvest in due season.

It will happen.

I remember a lot of the kids might.

Micah had his birthday this week, and we had some of his friends over to the house, and there's some of them that he's had for over a decade of his life.

And I'm just telling you, three or four years into those some of those relationships, we were not very impressed.

There was not a whole lot of fruit.

I mean, some are like, yeah, I guess it's just not our people.

I don't know.

But then something happened as we just persevered in those relationships.

We got in different seasons, they got in different seasons, and now the harvest that we are feasting on is beautiful.

The harvest that we experienced the other evening at our house was wonderful.

And everybody's just sitting around going, these are some amazing kids.

Like, well, seven years ago they weren't this amazing.

Something germinated, something sprouted.

There's been a supernatural harvest that took place.

And it happened somewhere around seven or eight years into the relationship.

If we are not extremely intentional and diligent to do relationships differently than the rest of the world, we will inherit the same superficial, shallow, self-centered, fruitless relational patterns of this broken world.

How many know the world has a way of doing relationships?

And then there's the kingdom way of doing relationships, and they're not the same.

Romans 12, 2 encourages us, exhorts us.

Do not conform to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is, his good, pleasing, and perfect will, his promises, his will.

Only if we conform to his kingdom ways.

Therefore, listen, our focus must be on long-term relationships that will come to maturation, bearing a harvest of true riches, leading to ultimate success in life.

Relational success is ultimate success in life.

When our relationship with God is healthy and our relationships with others are healthy, especially our relationship with God's people are healthy, we will be feasting on the true riches of the kingdom of God.

So I want to talk to you about four things that you need to be in order to be long.

Four things you need to be in order to be long.

Number one, you need to be persistent.

You need to be persistent.

By definition, that word means tenacious, persevering, determined, resolute, single-minded, tireless, patient, diligent, unwavering, insistent, relentless, unrelenting, stubborn, constant, continual, nonstop, lasting, never-ending, steady, uninterrupted, and unbroken, that should describe your commitment to relationships.

How many of you know when somebody is a little bit stubborn about being your friend?

When you go through your season of self, your season of insecurity, your season of distraction, and that person's still there, just stubbornly determined to be your friend.

How many of you know that's a good feeling?

How many of you know you're thankful for that person?

Thank you for loving me when I was an idiot.

We need to be persistent.

Another word that goes with persistence is the word perseverance.

We need relational perseverance.

And I believe that there's a per a purification of perseverance that happens.

So as relationships persevere, there is a purification that happens in those relationships.

And when you have that pure gold in a relationship, there's nothing like it.

When you've been through some stuff together, there's some trauma bonds, right?

There's nothing like that.

You don't even have to use words.

You can just sit down and share a look across the room with that person.

And it's amazing.

We've known Ashlyn for 25 years, something like that.

Like 25 years.

That's relational perseverance.

She's had to persevere some funky seasons with us, and we've persevered some funky seasons with her.

And there's such a what's forged in the relationship is so special.

It's something that transcends blood relationships, it's covenant, it's kingdom, it's supernatural because it's this, it's living this and sharing this, and the fruit of it is unbelievable.

People have asked us before, how do we get an ashland?

Because she's so amazing.

How do we get an ashland?

Like, I don't know.

We just we're making disciples, and that happened, and then we just committed to the relationship and we fought for it and we've pressed on, we've kept on, and it's just a harvest.

You can't manufacture it, you can't fake God out.

There's no tricking God and getting the results without paying the price.

You can't get the results without operating in the principles.

Everybody wants the results.

I promise you that.

Sorry, Noah.

Those who are planted in the house of the Lord shall flourish in the courts of our God.

Now there's a promise and there's a principle.

The promise is conditional.

The promise is that you will flourish in the courts of the Lord.

But the principle is planted, be planted in the house of the Lord.

Planted things stay, planted things go deep.

Planted things are rooted.

Planted things tap into the nutrient source.

Planted things make it through the seasons of life when the winds and the waves come.

Planted things make it because they go deep.

They don't go wide, they go deep.

They're not a mile wide and an inch deep.

Those who occasionally attend when it's convenient and they feel like it, it doesn't say that, will flourish in the courts of the Lord.

Those who have shallow commitment will never flourish.

They will always lack what they truly want, but aren't willing to obtain God's way.

God gives us purpose, and then he takes us through a process where our purpose is tested, tried, proven, and purified.

He takes our relationships through the same thing.

Your relational purpose will be tested, tried, proven, and purified.

So the word perseverance means persistence in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success.

How many of you have ever tried to do something and you were doing all the right things and it just seemed like nothing was happening?

You weren't getting the results that you felt like you were promised to get.

In that moment, perseverance is what is needed.

If you have relationships that you've been investing in, that you've been prioritizing, but it doesn't seem like it's bearing fruit, you need perseverance.

You cannot fool God.

Listen, in due time.

In due time.

I love the word endurance.

We need relational endurance.

Endurance means the reality or power of enduring an unpleasant or difficult process or situation without giving way.

Endurance.

We need to have the power of enduring unpleasant or difficult situations.

Unpleasant or difficult relationships.

It also means fortitude.

I love that word, fortitude, and stability.

Stability.

People, listen to me.

People will be the greatest source of joy in your life, but they will also be the greatest source of pain and frustration in your life.

Amen to that.

You know what I'm talking about.

I'm preaching the gospel here.

That is the reality.

People will be the greatest source of joy in our life, but they will also be the greatest source of pain and frustration.

But make no mistake about it.

In the end, you will not remember the pain.

You will not remember the frustration, only the joy of those relationships.

Hebrews 10 24 says, Let us consider one another.

Consider one another.

Be considerate of each other.

In order to stir up love and good works, listen, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another and so much more.

Say so much more.

As you see the day approaching, the end approaching.

One translation says meeting together.

But if you really break it down, it's assembling of yourselves together, as in some assembly required.

All of us know the pain of ordering something that we're excited to get off of Wayfair or Amazon.

And then we realize how much assembly that it's going to require.

And we go, oh God.

And it might sit there, even though we're excited about that dresser, even though we're excited about that hutch, it sits there on the box taunting us for days, weeks, until you finally make your kids put it together.

Listen, some assembly required.

And the Bible exhorts us, commands us, don't forsake that, as some are in the habit of doing.

Hebrews 10, 35.

Hebrews 10 is a great chapter on relationships, on Christian community.

Hebrews 10 35 says, so do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord.

Remember the great reward it brings you.

Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God's will, then you will receive all that He has promised.

If then all the promises of God are if then.

The will of God is if then.

So if you want to belong, if the desire of your heart, I just want to belong.

I want to belong.

I want healthy, wonderful, rich relationships, then you need to belong.

You need some relational perseverance.

Be persistent.

All right, number two, be spirit-led.

You have to be spirit-led.

The number one thing that will shortcut and prematurely end relationships that God has called you to is to simply let your flesh be in control.

It's to simply let your feelings, your preferences, your opinions drive the train of your life.

If you let your flesh be in control, you will never ever have long-lasting, fruitful relationships.

You will never reap a relational harvest.

You will always bounce around.

You'll quit too soon.

You'll give up.

You have to be spirit-led.

Listen to this quote from Paul, obviously, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit in Galatians 5.14.

This is very similar to what we read to start this sermon in Matthew.

He says, this, for the whole law, he's quoting Jesus here, for the whole law can be summed up in this one command.

Love your neighbor as yourself.

But if you are always biting and devouring one another, watch out.

Beware of destroying one another.

Listen to this in verse 15 in the Passion Translation.

But if you continue to criticize and come against each other over minor issues, you're acting like wild beasts trying to destroy one another.

You know what wild beast represents in Scripture?

Demons.

And so to Galatians 5 14.

And so when you think about the fruit of the Spirit, it is when the Spirit controls our life, he will produce.

When he directs our life, when he's the one leading, here's the results.

All the things that we need for relational perseverance, all the things that we need to be long are those things.

But then what he's contrasting here is, but and if you read Galatians 5, the whole chapter contrasts the flesh, fruit of the flesh, and fruit of the spirit.

Which one's in control?

If the flesh is in control, this is what happens if the spirit, so we're going to read a little bit of that here.

But track with me.

If you continue to criticize and come against each other over minor issues, you're acting like wild beasts trying to destroy one another.

What are animals?

You know, here's the deal.

Animals are purely instinctive.

They're purely instinctive.

They don't prefer one another.

They're unthinking animals, is what the Bible says.

That's what it relates demons to, and that's demons' goal is to turn a human into an animal.

We live, if we live by the flesh, we will behave like unthinking animals.

If we live by the spirit, we will behave like the intelligent crown jewel of God's creation that we are.

So listen to Galatians 5.19.

When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery.

Now listen to what it gets into here: hostility, quarreling, what is that?

Relational fighting, bickering, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, and division.

Those are the things that destroy relationships.

And it says all you got to do to get that is just to let your flesh drive.

Let your flesh be in control.

Let your feelings be in control.

Let your desires be in control.

Let your needs and your wants be in control, and that will be the result.

And it's usually the opposite of what we want.

But when the Holy Spirit controls our lives, we already read that, he will produce in us love, joy, peace, patience, and the fruit of the Spirit.

Listen to this.

Verse 24.

Those who belong to Christ have nailed their natural evil desires to his cross and crucified them there.

Verse 25.

Then we won't need to look for honors and popularity which lead to jealousy and hard feelings.

So what is it saying?

The flesh wants honor and popularity.

The flesh is looking to belong for different reasons than the spirit is looking for us to belong.

And if we follow the flesh, it's actually going to give us the opposite of the things that we want.

And if we follow the spirit, it's going to give us the things that we actually want.

How many of you know Jesus said if you uh if you hold on to your life, you will lose it.

But if you lose your life, then you will find it.

It's the kingdom is opposite.

Okay, number three, this is this is a really important one.

This is a really important one.

They're all really important, but this one, I felt the burden here on this one.

Number three, be yourself.

If you want to belong, you have to be yourself.

Colossians 3, 2 says, think about the things of heaven, not the things of this earth, for you died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God.

Your real self, your true self, your authentic self is hidden with Christ in God.

So what did we die to?

Our fake self, our pretense self, our propped up self, our puffed up self, our ego self, our prideful self, our ambitious self, the part of us that wants to belong for the wrong reasons, the part of us that wants to be popular for the wrong reasons, the part of us that wants friends for the wrong reasons, only to satisfy our fleshly desires.

The only way to truly belong somewhere is to truly be yourself.

Authenticity is naturally embraced by people.

Pretense and putting on airs is instinctively resisted by people.

People can tell when we're being fake.

People can tell when we're acting, when we're in character, when there's pretense.

Belonging, listen, is the opposite of fitting in.

Belonging is the opposite of fitting in.

Everybody wants to fit in.

And when kids are young, there's this pressure to fit in, fit in, fit in.

I just want to fit in.

I want to be popular.

I want people to like me.

I want people to accept me.

There's so much pressure on it.

It's not, it's it's such a demonic, destructive agenda when young people are wanting friends and they're wanting to belong and they're wanting all of this.

Listen, belonging is the opposite of fitting in.

What happens is in our desire to belong, we start trying to figure out how to, what does this group want me to be like?

How should I dress?

How should I talk?

How should I walk?

How should I, my body language, whatever it is, right?

What kind of music should I listen to?

And we start changing ourselves to try to fit in so that we can belong.

But belonging is the opposite of fitting in.

As soon as you try to fit in, the rules change and you get rejected anyway.

Because what's happened is those people know if you're willing to change yourself to fit in here, you're fake.

You're phony, you're not real.

You're not true.

So belonging is different than fitting in.

You can belong and not fit in at the same time.

It's not about fitting in.

God will call you to belong to things that you don't really fit well in because He wants you to leave an indention there.

I was told one time that our 15 years at the church where we're from in Shreeport that we were raised up in, I was told one time that we always belonged, but we never really fit.

And it wasn't a bad thing.

This was just a, it was a, it was a in retrospect of our time there.

You always belong, but you never really fit.

And I actually received that as a compliment.

And that's an interesting concept.

And I received it as a compliment both to us but also to our church.

That our church would allow someone to belong that didn't really fit.

The church was willing to accept someone who was called and wired differently than the way that the leadership was.

We were molded and shaped into the people God wanted us to be, not necessarily the people our leadership wanted us to be.

And they knew the difference.

They could see the genuine authentic work that God was doing in us, but there were so many ways we weren't like them.

We were very different.

We always belonged, but we never fully fit.

And I love that the church we're from, they weren't trying to conform people into their image.

They were willing to let God conform people into his image, understanding how to celebrate the differences and the variety that it takes to reach the whole world for Christ.

God was forming us for this place, not for that place.

That's why we didn't fit there.

God was forming us there.

We belonged there.

We were our authentic selves.

We were not willing to change who we knew God created us to be to fit in there.

In some ways, we had to go against the grain a little bit.

And we were always accepted and we always belonged, but we also knew we never fully fit.

There's a tension between those two things that is healthy.

There's a tension between those two things.

And that can be, that can be with a church, that can be in a singular relationship, that can be in a family.

And the person and the family in the church needs to be surrendered enough and big enough to go, man, you're made for something else.

I'm not trying to conform you into my image.

I'm not trying to disciple you to be like me.

I want to form you and help you become whoever God has created you to become.

In order to be your authentic self, you have to rest in the finished work of Christ where your true identity is found.

Colossians 2 10.

So you also are complete through your union with Christ, who is the head over every ruler and authority.

Do you believe that?

Let me say it like this.

That's the truth, whether you believe it or not.

You might not feel complete.

You may feel lacking.

You may feel like there's things that you lack.

And if this thing would be there, then I'll be complete.

If I had this kind of relationship, if I had this kind of marriage, if I had this kind of friend, then I'll be complete.

No, no, no, no.

You are already complete.

You are the complete thing that God has called you to be because of who you are in Christ.

Listen, so you are also complete through your union with Christ, who is the head over every ruler in authority.

In other words, nobody can trump that.

Nobody can lie to you.

And well, they can, but it's lies.

It's not truth.

He's the one that declares that truth over you.

You are complete.

You are complete.

You are complete.

You don't lack anything.

You don't have to be desperate for anything that you don't feel you currently have that you think might complete you.

Listen, here's the formula.

You are, therefore you have.

You have, therefore you do.

You are, you have, you do.

That's the kingdom way of existing and living.

The world's way is the exact opposite.

You have, therefore you do, you do, therefore you are.

And so it's be, have, do.

Sorry, do have be.

So be, have, do.

I am, therefore I have.

I have, therefore I do.

So out of who I am, I have what I have.

Out of what I have, I do what I do.

The world's the exact opposite.

It says, you gotta do this if you want to have this.

You gotta do this.

If you want this status, if you want this position, if you want this reputation, if you want influence, if you want power, if you want fame, if you want popularity, you gotta do all of this stuff.

I mean, that's the rat race.

That's the hamster wheel of culture, the hamster wheel of life that you can get on.

And it's all this stuff you gotta do if you want to have.

And if you have, then you can be these things.

Then you can be influential.

You can be powerful, you can be popular, you can be these things.

It's the exact opposite.

But because you are a child of God that was bought with a price, you have all the things that Jesus paid for you to have.

Because you have all the things he paid for you to have, you can do all the things that he's called you to do.

The world tells you that if you do these things, you will have these things, and that if you have these things, you will finally be someone special or important, someone more than you are right now because you aren't enough.

The kingdom is inverted.

And you have to decide are you going to live in accordance with the kingdom of God or in accordance with the kingdom of this world?

Because that belief then throws you into striving or abiding.

Striving, abiding naturally brings fruit.

Striving naturally brings frustration.

The Christian version of it, of striving, looks like striving in Christ for identity versus abiding in Christ from identity.

When you are striving, enforcing the results in your human effort, you when you do get the thing, you can only keep it by human effort.

So when you obtain something by striving, when you obtain something by being somebody you're not, then you have to keep that thing by human effort.

And that will destroy you, that will exhaust you.

And then in the end, you still don't get what you're wanting.

It's from, not for.

Everything I do flows from who I am in Christ and what I have because of Christ.

So I obey from righteousness, not for righteousness.

I obey.

Obedience is a big deal, but never one time am I going to obey God because I'm trying to be righteous.

Filthy rags.

I live from acceptance, from the place of acceptance, totally accepted.

I live from that place, I don't live for acceptance.

I work from blessing, not for blessing.

I give from provision, not for provision.

I serve from gratitude, not for gratitude.

I forgive others from a clean heart, not for a clean heart.

I worship from a desire for God, not for a desire for God.

And notice in Galatians 5.22, fruit comes from surrender, not from striving.

When the Holy Spirit controls, he will produce.

He can produce it or you can produce it.

But you can't have both.

There's works for righteousness and there's works from righteousness, and those are completely different.

And it's a posture of the heart within us.

For working for something is from a place of striving and performance.

Working from something is a place of rest and trust.

And here's a little secret: you will only rest to the degree that you trust.

Number four, last point.

If you want to be long, you gotta be consistent.

You have to be consistent.

Proverbs 18 24 says, friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family.

Listen, don't run from sparkly, flashy thing to sparkly, flashy thing.

The flesh craves excitement and entertainment while the spirit craves long, selfless obedience over long periods of time.

Long, slow, deep digs into the soil of the authentic Christian life that kills the flesh by starving it of the big, exciting, flashy new thing.

Lord deliver us from the big, exciting, flashy new thing.

Amen.

Faithfulness isn't possible with fluctuation.

Faithfulness isn't possible with fluctuation.

Christian relationships and church family relationships are covenant relationships.

They are not affinity-based.

They are not convenience-based.

They are spiritually formed, deep level commitments that require sacrifice and denial of self.

They are not based on enjoyment, entertainment, and excitement.

They are based on covenant commitment and consecration.

Amen.

They are more like a marriage than any other kind of relationship.

How many of you know unfaithfulness in marriage is when, for selfish reasons and personal fulfillment, your commitment changes, wavers, and fluctuates to facilitate your personal desires.

Church-family relationship should be seen the same way.

After all, the church is the bride of Christ, being prepared for covenant commitment by covenant by a covenant-keeping God.

Jesus isn't a fair weather friend.

He's a faithful, unwavering, covenant-keeping friend, and he'll have some disciples in us if we can live the same way.

Amen.

Let's stand.

Listen, Psalm 15.

Listen to this.

Who may worship in your sanctuary, Lord?

Who may enter your presence on your holy hill?

Question mark.

Those who lead blameless lives and do what is right, speaking the truth from sincere hearts.

Those who refuse to gossip or harm their neighbor or speak evil of their friends, those who despise flagrant sinners and honor the faithful followers of the Lord and keep their promises even when it hurts.

The answer is basically people who know how to do relationships my way, who aren't flaky, who don't fluctuate, who aren't on the hamster wheel of performance, who aren't wearing themselves out trying to get what only God can give them if they would just surrender.

I believe that if we will be long in forgiving and apologizing, if we will be long in taking relational responsibility, if we will be long in putting trust in the gap, if we will be long in making allowance for faults, if we will persevere in those things, we will reap a supernatural spiritual harvest of relational success, of relational health that will lead to mental health and emotional health and physical health and financial health and all the other kinds of health that you can have will come from that harvest of rich and healthy relationship with God and rich and healthy relationship with God's people.

Amen.