Top Ten // Love Family

Welcome to the Refinery Church Sermon Podcast.

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Our prayer is that this message will help you grow in your pursuit to love and follow Jesus for life.

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Now let's dive into today's message.

Hey, I wanted to start with a thank you.

Uh, if you participated in the Christmas gift bags that we put together for the kids in Guatemala, and so that included all of our sponsored kids.

We have 72 sponsored kids in the village of La Planada, and then also the partnership with Hearts for Heaven.

So if you're like, hey, I'm not a sponsor, you were able to put together gift bags that will go for Christmas for kids in Guatemala.

And so thankful uh for that.

Um man, we had over a hundred come through initially, and then I know at least I saw at least a dozen or two more come in this morning, and so we're grateful.

And the reason that's got to be done early is for translation, we have a team of translators that will take that from English to Spanish, and then obviously just getting those things all gathered and into Guatemala, uh, taking care of that.

So thanks for being a part of that.

It really does matter.

Um, just a way that we can make make an investment uh in people around the world, and so we love that.

Um, and I do love our dedication Sundays, because there just is something about parents saying, hey, like we realize like the task that's at hand, like we realize what this is, and anybody who's a parent knows like it's not easy.

And so to be able to step into this, one, to stand before God and say, God, here's what we're committing to, but then two, to be able to do this as a community, as a family, to be reminded, like we're not in this thing alone.

Like we're figuring this thing out together and to steward and care for really does matter.

So we're right at the midway point of our series on the Ten Commandments, and we're looking at the Ten Commandments out as found in the book of Exodus, chapter 20.

Exodus 20 · chapter mention

And so these are kind of culturally famous, they're culturally well known, but again, I think they get confused a lot of times.

What the Ten Commandments, they're not trying to give us like this list of things that if you can accomplish this, you've achieved some grand spirituality.

That's that's not what the Ten Commandments are doing.

At the same time, it's not like this impressive ladder that you're attempting to climb, and if I can just get there, then then I will have accomplished faith.

That's not what the idea is either.

The Ten Commandments are focused on relationship, of how to live in relationship with God.

And so the Israelites, from an early vantage point, have been caught in captivity, have been caught in slavery.

And so God says, Listen, I want to be your God.

Would you like to be my people?

Here's the framework for what that looks like, how we can build upon this relationship.

And so, week one, we looked at the idea of commands one through three and how we're being invited to love God.

It's relationship.

That's the heart of the commandments.

God has always sought to reveal Himself in relationship to humanity.

And so it's one is about exclusivity.

God says, listen, I want to be your God, your only God.

Like you don't have to worry about chasing all these other gods, this little g gods.

Like, I want to be your God.

And then understand too in commandment number two, like you can't shape me, you can't reduce me to some kind of image.

I'm not a good luck trinket.

I'm instead going to be the one shaping and forming you.

Commandment number three, the way you speak about me matters.

The way you use my name, the the when you'd say, well, God would be for, God would be against, or, or here's what God thinks: like it matters how you say those things, because again, a loving relationship, that all applies.

And then last week with commandment number four, we looked at this idea of trusting God.

Love implies trust.

And so this recognition that God says, Hey, I want you to Sabbath.

In other words, take this regular posture, not to rest because you're exhausted or worn out, but because you trust me.

That you're not the one holding the world together.

You're not the one keeping everything afloat.

Trust me.

I am at work, I am up to something here.

And so we see that in the first two commandments.

God invites us to love and to trust him in the first four commandments, I'm sorry.

And from here on out, the commandments are going to convey how we're to relate to one another.

So God says, listen, I want to be your God.

I want you to be my people.

I want to give you ten words, I want to give you ten commandments that are really gonna help begin to build this framework to shape this thing.

The first four are about your relationship primarily with me, but the next six are actually gonna be about your relationships with other people, which shouldn't surprise us because the great commandment we see revealed in the New Testament is love God, love people.

Everything literally hangs on these.

And so, again, remember this.

The commandments from start to finish, they're about relationship.

That's what they're about.

And so we read this in Exodus chapter 20, verse 12.

Exodus 20:12

And again, if you're newer to the Bible, it's just the second book of the Bible, Genesis, Exodus.

And if you don't have one, we'd be happy to give you one.

Just stop by the Connection Hub, it's the exact same Bible that I use.

It says this: it says, Honor your father and your mother.

Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.

For our purposes this morning, I'm actually just gonna focus on that first part of the verse.

So that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.

I'm not gonna spend a lot of time there, suffice it to say this for now.

The nature of the health of the relationship of the family unit, the most basic relationship in any society, in any culture, has implications for how human flourishing takes place.

But I want us to focus in on the first part honor your father and your mother.

What does God mean when he tells us to honor?

Honor is probably not a word you use just in your daily vernacular.

Hey kids, as you head off to school, hey, do you get your homework done?

All right, don't forget to honor your teachers.

Probably not something you've said.

Um if you're in the courtroom at all regularly and you're like, your honor, this, that, or the other, you know, that might be a place you would use it.

But I outside of that, I don't know that it'd be a regular word we'd use.

So I just want to think about it for a minute.

So think with this way with me.

Whose opinion tends to carry more weight in your life?

There's one or two, three people maybe that come to mind from me, of who, like when they speak like I'm just really listening up.

Doesn't matter the topic, doesn't matter the issue.

They say, hey, uh if somebody calls or texts, like, hey, you got a minute, I can there's something I want to talk to you about.

I've got a word for you, I feel like I need to share something.

Like, there's just some people like I'm gonna lean in a little bit extra.

And maybe you have the same.

Now, for much of life, honestly, it kind of depends on the topic.

But there's some people, like, their voice just carries weight in general.

The way they they've lived their lives, the way they've carried themselves, their voice carries weight.

And for others, it depends on, again, the specificity of their abilities.

Like with relationships, I've always told people this: don't ask single people for relationship advice, right?

No, no shots there, it's just it just makes sense.

If you want marriage advice, you should ask somebody, not just brand new married, you should ask them 10, 20 years down the road, like, hey, you're 10 years ahead of me in the game.

Like, what works, what doesn't?

When you think about parenting, everybody's a brilliant parent before they have kids, right?

When I have kids someday, they're going to.

And then you have kids, you're like, what do I do with this thing?

And so when you need parenting advice, you ask other people, you're like, hey, listen, your kids don't seem that messed up.

What'd you do?

Or you say, hey, your kids are really messed up, what'd you do?

So I can do the opposite.

Try and avoid the second one.

You think about career, you ask people that have had success in their career, hey, tell me, and their voice carries more weight.

You think about people that engage politically well in those conversations, and that's a conversation a lot of people struggle with in our culture today.

Hey, yeah, how do you talk about those things without them overwhelming you?

You think about managing challenges, you talk to folks that have had to deal with real adversity in their lives.

Hey, how do you get through that?

How do you process that?

One of the things I love about being a part of a local church is I get to be around such a broad range of people with diverse specialties.

Like, seriously, like in this church, this service, the service before those who aren't here today, like there's so many like gifts, talents, abilities, wisdom.

I mean, there's there's a collection really of impressive um sources to kind of check in with.

And so if I'm thinking through something in life, like I'm like, oh, I know them and I know them.

And I'll kind of ask, hey, I'm kind of curious.

I'm thinking about this.

Does this make sense?

Does this work?

Does this not?

Uh, this morning somebody was telling me they're like, yeah, we're actually getting into like we're thinking about getting into beekeeping.

And I'm like, oh, I actually have an apurist.

And they're like, You have an apirist?

And I'm like, yeah, and they're like, are they any good?

And I'm like, well, it's not like I'd have a bad apirist.

Um with a beekeeper, if you don't know.

And so I there is somebody in the church, they keep bees, and I'm like, actually, I think there's two people that keep bees, maybe.

Um, and so I said, Do you want to connect you with them?

And they're like, Yeah, that'd be great.

So I shot a text, and like it's just so much fun how all those things come together.

Because if they ask me, like, what should I do with bees, I'd say avoid them.

Because they sting you, you swell up, and it's a problem.

It's such a gift that God calls us to live in community with one another.

That we get to share the collective talent, wisdom, experience of this group.

When I encounter challenges in life or curiosities, again, so I seek out voices that carry weight with me.

So I was an associate pastor for 16 years, loved it.

Um, I recommend to anybody going into pastoral work, make sure you're an associate for a long time first.

Because you just get to learn a lot and the things are different.

And so when I stepped into this job, it was a different experience.

I'd not done that kind of thing before.

I've spoken and you know, done a lot of different things connected to my job, but I'd never done this job.

So I reached out to three people and I said, Hey, what what do you do?

And they're all lead pastors and they've all done it longer than me, and they're all in churches larger than this one.

I said, Help, what should I watch for?

What should I avoid?

I grabbed a book by somebody who I respect a great deal who talked about your first hundred days as a lead past, here's what you should do.

Um, funny enough, this was during COVID, and the three ideas all had to do with being with people, which made it very challenging.

But their voices carried weight with me.

Like their suggestions, like it was what I wanted to listen.

There was a gravitas about their voice and what they were dealing with.

That's the idea at play in the word honor here.

When the Bible says, when God commands, honor your father and mother.

To honor someone is to recognize the weight of who they are and the place that they should hold in your life.

It's to treat them as significant rather than lightly or contemptuously.

Like this is your parent.

This is your mom.

This is your dad.

This is literally the foundational relationship in any culture that's ever existed.

Honor your father and your mother, afford them the proper weight they're due.

Recognize their position and learn from them as you can.

And notice something important about the command.

God doesn't say to your honor your father and mother if they deserve it.

God doesn't say to honor your father and mother as long as you agree with them.

The command doesn't say anything like that.

Instead, there's there's something about the relationship itself, as it's intended, that is worthy of honor.

That is due honor.

Now, giving someone honor, though, um isn't the same as pretending every relationship is healthy.

Honor doesn't require us to call something good that was actually harmful.

And giving honor to someone isn't necessarily giving them unlimited access to my life or influence.

To honor someone doesn't mean we're always in agreement with them, and we'll come back to that idea a little bit later.

But first, why would God place such significance on this particular relationship?

It's because it's the foundational relationship that we're born into.

Commands one through four are all about how we relate to God.

Listen, you're gonna be my people, I'm gonna be your God.

Let's let's talk about how this looks.

Let's let's look at this framework and how this is gonna shape.

Command one, it's it's how how you and I relate to one another.

Command two, it's how you and I relate to one another.

It's command three, how you and I relate to one another.

Command four, this trusting piece, how we relate to one another.

And then five through ten is all about how you get along together.

He starts this pivot, God starts this pivot from relationship with himself to relationship with each other, and he starts with the family.

Why?

Because the family unit is literally the most basic unit of any culture, relationship-wise.

We all have family.

No one can get here without family.

That's pretty straightforward.

Do we need a birds and bees talk?

Everybody?

We're all up to speed on that?

Okay.

If your neighbor's kind of like, I don't know where they're going with this, be like, I'll talk to you after lunch.

We all have family.

No one gets here without it.

The way God designed the growth of humanity to work is for a man and a woman to commit to a loving covenant partnership with each other.

Uh my wife and I attended a marriage uh seminar kind of training type thing this weekend.

Um, a friend of mine, uh, their church was hosting it, and I'd reached out, I said, Hey, is this something like other people can drop in on?

He said, Yeah, that was kind of the hope.

And I was like, Oh, that's cool.

I said so ask Lena, I said, You want to go?

And she said, Yeah.

And in one of their opening exercises, they talk about the idea, like, hey, if you could describe your perfect place, right?

Like your paradise, what would your paradise look like?

What's there, all that kind of stuff.

My paradise, just so you know, includes the ocean, mountains, a lake, and the woods.

Like it's all partnered together, which somebody told me that apparently exists in Maine.

So if anybody's going to Maine and I can catch a ride, right, we'll go check that out together.

And it said, like, what's gonna be there?

Which like number one on my list was food.

And she goes, and then my wife and I were comparing notes later, and she goes, like, you were number one on my list of what's there.

And I'm like, probably miss that.

I probably missed something there.

In fairness, I said, I've always thought of you as a who and not a what.

I don't objectify you.

So tried to like just pull out of the gutter.

But I was like food, there's gotta be books, there's gotta be an axe, because if you're out there, you gotta chop firewood.

Right?

I would rip it apart with my bare hands, but you know, that's not possible.

Um like I gotta have fishing gear, but by fishing gear I mean stuff that's really easy to use, also gloves, because I don't touch fish because they're gross.

I have mess issues, bless my heart.

But we're talking about all this kind of stuff, and they're saying, hey, listen, like when you think about the garden, like the the original creation, like that's where Adam exists.

And God's there.

Like he exists in perfect like tranquility and like perfect harmony and perfect peace, and it says, something's not good.

Adam needed somebody.

And so Eve is created, and I'm gonna make a helper suitable for him, and they form this beautiful partnership.

And when God calls people to marriage, just like he called Adam to marriage, when he calls us to marriage, he doesn't call all people to marriage.

Some people live a beautiful single life before God.

But when he calls us to marriage, he calls us to that for an express purpose that we can live more fully and faithfully for him in partnership with one another than we could have on our own.

And so the way God designs humanity to work is this one man, this one woman saying, Hey, covenant, commitment, we're together till death do us part.

And from that loving relationship, full of responsibilities, opportunities, challenges, celebrations, there's the potential for children to enter into the world.

They steal our hearts, they drive us crazy, they bring us joy, they break everything we own, they stir up pride in us, they stress us out.

And that is that basic family unit.

And you don't have to be a parent to get that image because you have parents yourself.

We're all someone's child.

That's how the family's supposed to function.

However, family doesn't always work that way, does it?

Sometimes children enter the picture before the man and the woman ever make a commitment to one another because they get things distorted and out of order.

Sometimes parents make a commitment to one another, and kids come into the world, and then mom and dad get busy chasing other things, and the kids pay the cost.

Sometimes kids enter the world, but mom and dad never made a commitment to each other at all.

They weren't even thinking about that proposition.

Some children are born into homes where they feel loved, cherished, protected.

Like honestly, it's not perfect, but they know there's a space where they're being watched over and looked after.

Some children are born into homes where they don't find those things.

Instead, they face a sense of rejection or feeling unwanted.

How family is supposed to work as designed by God is a beautiful reality.

Yet humanity doesn't always walk in the way that God calls us.

And so what do we do with that?

Regardless, whole or broken, beautiful or messy, and honestly, family's usually a bit of both.

We all have family.

And in light of how things are supposed to be, God commands the Israelite nation, listen, first it's about our relationship with one another.

And after that, before we get to anything broader, anything wider, anything more exhaustive when it comes to people, that family unit, here's how it's meant to look.

Children, honor your father and mother.

Recognize the role they've played in your life.

When they say things like, I brought you into this world, I can take you out.

The first part's true, right?

Not the second.

And in light of how things are supposed to be, this is the command.

And the there's an interesting note, the culture at that time was patriarchal, which at its best just simply meant that men were to be the chief servants, the leaders of the home, not from a grandiose position, but man, we'll go out of our way to do everything that we can for you.

In fact, this is reframed in the New Testament in some ways when it says, husbands be willing to literally lay your lives down for your family.

Which I've also often contended with men.

I'm like, listen, if you're like, man, I'd die for my kids, like, okay, we wash the dishes, because if you won't wash the dishes, you're probably not going to take a bowl at fur.

It's this idea of servanthood.

But the command is honor your father and your mother.

And so this is recognized from the beginning.

And God is clear that honor is to be shown to both.

But it's not limited to a certain timeline.

In other words, it's not just like, yeah, honor your father and mother, though, kids, teenagers, huh?

Huh?

Honor your father and mother.

It's the same for me.

I still have a father and a mother.

As a 45-year-old, Lannon, honor your father and mother.

What's that look like?

And truthfully, I have it's a little more complicated in my home.

My parents split when I was five, and I have a mom and a stepdad, and fantastic people have loved the Lord like crazy, and then I have a dad and a stepmom.

It's a bit more complicated than God had originally intended in my home, and yet He the command still teaches and shapes.

You know God can work in the midst of complications, right?

In case you're sitting here and you're like, yeah, we've messed up, it's been messed up, it's too broken.

That's never the case.

That's the enemy's lies.

God takes these broken things and makes beautiful things out of them.

God can work out really beautiful things even in the mess.

So I'm 45, and the command to honor my father and my mother still holds.

Now, honor isn't identical to love, but for people shaped by the love of God, honor becomes one concrete expression of love.

If we love God well, it's going to shape how we honor and love our parents.

Come on, how do the commands start?

Listen, I want to set up this framework.

I want you to understand how to be a people.

Let's begin the relationship with me.

Here's what it looks like, and then the very next pivot before anything else is family.

If you love me well, it's going to shape how you love your family.

Love, rightly ordered, extends outward.

Love for God shapes love for our parents, our families, and people wherever we might find them.

If we love God well, it's gonna shape how we love.

That's how a love rooted in God works.

I have three sons and I love them all like crazy, super proud to be their dad.

They're like all crazy, chaotically different, and also crazy, chaotically the same.

It's such a joy when they love one another well.

So, what does it mean for my boys to honor me?

At least in part, it means for them to love each other well.

Like it would make no sense like, dad, we want to honor you, and then go beat the snot out of each other.

Mike, you realize what we're trying to do here?

I love you all like crazy.

How that should affect how you treat one another if you're going to honor me.

So God begins the commands rightly ordering love and relationship with himself and his people, and then God moves toward the family, beginning with parents before the remaining commandments are going to continue to extend outward into the broader culture.

God's up to something.

And there's a passage that kind of shows a little bit of what this looks like in a broader context.

Look with me to Psalm 33.

Or 133, I'm sorry.

It says, How good and pleasant it is when God's people live together in unity.

It is like precious oil poured on the head, and the oil is symbolic or representative of God's presence in the life of the people.

It's like precious oil poured on the head, running down the beard, running down on Aaron's beard, down on the collar of his robe.

In other words, not just a little bit, it's like the fullness of God's presence dwelling with us.

It's like the dew of Hermon were falling on Mount Zion, the dew of Hermon, this highly like um area where there would have been plenty of rainfall and all that, literally applied in this more arid kind of space.

For there the Lord bestows his blessing, even life forevermore.

How good and pleasant it is when God's people live together in unity.

There is literally something life-giving about it.

I mean, you see that, right?

Parents take joy in their kids getting along and loving each other well.

It's not just children, though.

We experience this ourselves, regardless of what stage of life we're in.

You think about your relationship with your siblings, doesn't matter how old you are.

Is life better when that relationship's better?

What about cousins or aunts or uncles?

Is life not better when that relationship is better?

Anybody ever had a dispute with your neighbor?

Don't raise your hand, especially if it's taking legal action.

We do record the services.

Isn't it a joy when you're having a dispute with a neighbor and you're polling home and you're just like, oh Lord, send a storm to wipe their home away?

Not while they're in it, while they're on vacation or something.

You ever work with a colleague and there's just work so much more fun when you're fighting with like a boss or somebody who shares an office space or a cubicle next to you?

I mean, isn't it just like, this is gonna be great?

No.

What about when you love your neighbors and like they're looking out for you and caring for and you're doing the same thing for them?

Isn't there something life-giving about it?

What about with your work?

Isn't there something life-giving about it?

Now, understand, commandment number five is not not there, but it's this principle we're gonna see unfold.

God's saying, listen, when you have love for me, when you can start with that love for the family unit, the most basic unit in all of culture ever to exist, it's gonna have open the door for this rich, full life.

We're created to live in the right relationship with God.

And when our relationship with God is right, it's gonna shape how we relate to those in our home.

You can't love God well and hate the people you live with.

That makes no sense.

You can't love God well and show no honor to those who literally gave you life.

Here's where this gets pretty personal, though, and messy.

For some of us, loving and honoring family feels relatively natural because we were handed something beautiful.

You had parents who protected you, they loved you, they encouraged you, they corrected you, they helped shape you.

They weren't perfect, but they were there.

If there's a problem at school, they're helping you deal with it.

If you got a ball game, they're there.

They're making sure you get to the sport.

They feed you.

When things fell apart, they helped put the pieces back together.

There was stability.

For others, even talking about family brings all sorts of mess to the surface.

That you're kind of wanting me to just wrap this thing up so you can get out of here.

Some have experienced absence, um, rejection, manipulation, abuse, addiction, or any number of painful realities that occur within some homes and families.

Some know what it feels like to have that most basic unit be there for you, protect you, care for you, and they drop the ball entirely.

So, what does loving and honoring family look like then?

Hey God, that's a beautiful notion, neat idea.

Yeah.

And if I had one of those families, yeah, I would do that too.

So I guess I'm just exempted from this, and that's not the way it works.

Hang with me.

This is where healthy boundaries, forgiveness, grace, truth, and love all become part of what learning what it means to honor family well.

Some of us were given something beautiful in our family, and so the question we might ask is, how do we honor it and pass it on?

And that's an incredible thing.

Some of us were given something broken in our family.

And the question becomes, how can God help us reshape it into something worthy of honor?

Whether we received a beautiful picture of family or a deeply broken one, God is at work shaping us.

And the more we fall in love with God, the more we commit to him, the more we're shaped to be like him, rather than shaping him to be like us, the more we reflect his words and his character and his personality, it's gonna shape what it means to even be family.

And so some of the wounding that I experience, I've forgiven it.

I extend grace and I long for only the best.

Sometimes where I've messed up and I've dropped the ball.

I'm gonna own those things, I'm gonna learn from them, I'm gonna grow from them.

But it doesn't give us a pass and just say, well, yeah, family just isn't gonna work for you, sorry.

No, God takes messes and makes masterpieces, God takes dead things and makes them live.

So whether we received a beautiful family or a deeply broken one, God is at work shaping us.

Some of us get to continue the beautiful thing that was handed down to us, others have the opportunity by the grace of God to break a broken cycle and begin cultivating something different.

We each have the capacity to know the full love of God and reflect that love to the world first through our family.

Honoring family is not always easy.

Loving family isn't always easy.

It wasn't in the ancient world and it isn't today.

But a life shaped by the love of God learns to love and honor family well.

And notice that phrase: a life shaped by the love of God.

Left to my own devices, the brokenness in my family.

But as God reminds me of my own brokenness and how he's healed me, or how he's doing a work healing me, God never leaves something just like, well, that's too far gone.

And God invites each and every one of us today.

Honor the family.

Love a family.

Because if you miss out on that most basic thing, it's gonna impact negatively every single thing else.

And there's no family so far gone that God doesn't say it.

I can work with this.

Would you stand with me?

I'm gonna pray and then we're gonna go.

Pray with me.

Father, we thank you for this day.

Your love, your grace, your kindness.

Lord, I thank you for the opportunity to dedicate all these kiddos today, first and second service.

I pray for those moms and dads again, Lord, that they would lead their homes to point their kids to you first and foremost.

Lord, just as our kids are more than grades and activities and extracurriculars and all that, Lord, help us as moms and dads remember we're more than jobs and we're more than our hobbies and our passions.

Let our first pursuit be you so that our kids, if they follow in our steps, their first pursuit will be you as well.

Lord, I pray for each home.

I pray for those homes where it's the single person.

I pray for those homes where they're married and steady, it's been going great.

I pray for those homes with kids.

I pray for those homes without.

I pray for those homes where it's the second marriage.

And they own some things.

There's some brokenness in our past, but Lord, you're still working out beautiful things in the midst of that.

I've lived it myself, and I'm so grateful.

We can't break anything too far beyond what your grace can heal up and bind up and bring about.

And so, Lord, I pray for each and every one of us that we would reflect today on what it means to honor our father and our mother.

The weight of that relationship, the gravitas of what it's intended for.

And in some ways, a lot has been missed and can't be claimed back.

But in other ways, we always live forward and we might ask, God, how?

How do I honor whatever that was then?

How do I honor it today?

And how do I live a life where I'm cultivating a family where honor and love of the home is central to the relationship?

God, I pray a blessing upon each family, whatever that family may look like.

May each of us see that our love for you inevitably shapes our love for our family.

Might we love, might we honor, well.

It's in the name of Jesus, we always pray these things.

Amen.

Thank you so much for being here today.

We'll see you next week.

Thank you so much for listening to today's podcast.

If you're ready to take a next step in your faith, please reach out to us through our website, refineryohio.com, or you can email us at office at refineryohio.com.

We hope you have a blessed day.