Episode 49: On The Final Day

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Full and straight line and length hit the right areas.

Hello, Churchy.

Ah, young Mr Gomberts, good morning to you.

Wha what what were you doing there?

I was just reminding myself as much as anybody of the basic foundations of the game.

You can never repeat them too often.

You know that.

Oh I I see.

Anyway, how are you doing this morning?

Well, it it's funny you ask, actually.

It's been quite the morning.

On my way to the church, I popped into the shop to get a fresh croissant, and I had a chat with Mr Archibald.

We were reminiscing about our fundraising match a few weeks ago, and then he asked if I wanted to see his prize winning marrow.

I told him that I was in a bit of a rush, but that I'd pop back later, but he insisted it would only take a minute, so he unveiled his marrow, and I must say, Churchy, it's absolutely magnificent.

I can see why it won the prize for most impressive marrow.

It was a wonderful sight, and he was very chuffed with it.

And quite right, too.

Anyone would be proud to have a marrow like that.

I asked him if he had any tips for growing marrows, but he said it's something you're born with, the ability to grow marrows, rather than something that can be taught.

If you're lucky, Churchy, he might show you as well if you pop by after the service.

Anyway, what did you get up to this morning?

Well, before I tell you what I've been doing this morning, young George, I have to tell you that I don't need to go and see Mr Archibald's prize marrow.

I've already seen Mr.

Archibald's Prize Marrow and can I say it's impressive?

Very, very impressive in both size and length.

It reminds me of a couple of years ago when Mr.

Tennyson's prize-winning cucumber, I have to say, caused quite a stir in the parish, young George.

Not only was it the length, it was the girth as well.

That's all I can say to you, young George.

The girth of the prize-winning cucumber.

But yes, Mr.

Archie Board's marrow is mighty mighty impressive.

What have I been up to this morning, young George?

Well it's interesting that I have been using the Parish Honda Civic circa 2013 to get myself around the parish this morning, as you know, the uh Honda Civic circa 2013.

Yeah, it has done a number of miles.

In fact, it's done over 120,000 miles.

It's got me uh around the country to cricket this summer.

Uh the only thing with it is it had a service earlier in the week.

Of course, as you know, I had to get to Tauntonshire.

Um, and the service I think ended up being more expensive than the value of the car.

In fact, the only thing that really passed the test was the compact disc player.

Yes, it needed three new tyres, uh, the brakes weren't at their very best, and uh sadly it needed a new windscreen wiper on the back.

That was a bit of a blow, but but I've been using the Honda Civic circa 2013 this morning uh to get me around the parish before the service just to uh uh save the legs.

I have to say young George, quite tired as we, as as you know, hit the final day of the season.

But I have to say the Honda Civic circa 2013, even though the service of the Honda Civic did cost a fortune, I have to say it is running quite beautifully now.

Oh hello, Mike! Lovely to see you again.

Yes, yes, I I can see that you're wearing your new shoes in nicely.

You've managed to keep them in remarkably good condition, I must say.

No, no, I wouldn't suggest wearing them over the winter.

Otherwise they'll be ruined by the time next season comes around.

Yes, yes, I know it's sad that the season's over and next summer feels a long, long time away, but it will be here before you know it, and you'll be glad to have your Newbury 360 cricket shoes ready to go.

Oh yeah, yeah, by all means, please do continue wearing them to the service.

Very good, very good.

Right, go and take a seat now, Mike.

Yes, yes, any anywhere you like.

Anywhere.

Oh, sorry, sorry, young George, that is my phone again.

Yeah, I I better take this.

It it could well be for the boycott Vicarage helpline.

Good morning, this is the boycott Vicarage helpline.

How can I help you?

Hello Ah, hello madam, you again?

Yes, it is me once again.

And what can I do for you this week, madam?

Well I have a complaint to make.

Ah, do you madam?

What is your complaint, please?

I am absolutely steaming.

Steaming with anger, I have to tell you, steaming with anger that Dan Lawrence was pulled out of the final championship game halfway through to make the journey to the Oval Shire for this one day international today.

He had just scored a magnificent, and I mean magnificent 139.

He had just opened the bowling for Sorry Bowling his off breaks and picked up the first wicket, and then all of a sudden, midway through the second afternoon, his phone goes and he's told to get himself to the gear oval.

And I I I I I I I am just hoping that he plays today, otherwise, what is the point?

Adam, do I'm very glad that you've you've rung because I I feel exactly the same as you do.

You and I are now in perfect agreement, madam.

There is absolutely no way if he doesn't play that Dan Lawrence should have been called in.

I'm delighted for him, but if he is running the drinks, it is an absolute travesty.

Well, that would be just the word I would use, is travesty.

I have another point to make if that's all right with you.

Yes, madam, if you could hurry up, please, because the service is about to about to start.

Well, I would just like to also point out the batting of young Lewis Goldsworthy and Tom Abel.

Young Lewis Goldsworthy double hundred, one of the most elegant double hundreds you could ever wish to see, and he's an elegant young man.

Even when he comes down to do the interview, elegance is the word I would use.

And Tom Abel, he should have played for England in some way, shape, or form.

But I'm hoping that by the time, by the time this service comes to an end, he'll have moved past 300, because that is what he deserves.

But that will not, that will not consume and dampen down my anger about that, Lawrence.

I just have to tell you that.

Well, madam, I'm glad you've got that off your chest.

I'm not quite sure what I can do about it, but um does the fact that I agree with you how?

It most certainly does, but I'm livid.

I'm livid at Italian! Bye.

Sorry about that, George.

Actually, we're cutting it a bit fine this week.

Everybody already seems to be here, so we better get ready to start the Sunday service.

I have to say this morning is bittersweet.

Sweet with the glorious September sunshine and the sound of the birds singing.

Yes, I must admit there is a tinge of sadness and bitterness in the parish because this afternoon the county championship plays out its final scenes of the season before it takes a six-month hibernation during the winter months.

But rather than wallow, let us celebrate what has been a magnificent season.

The headline news from the penultimate day of the season, yesterday afternoon, is that Warwickshire have won the county championship for the ninth time in their history.

A comprehensive win against Leicestershire by an innings and 79 runs means that the faithful fans of Edgeburstonshire have got to celebrate the championship for the first time since 2021.

Sam Haynes scored a classy 142 to put Warwickshire in an unassailable position in the game, and in doing so he became the third man to cross the 1000 run mark this season, alongside Joe Clark of Nottinghamshire and Tom Abel of Somersetshire.

And Ethan Bamber finished the season with 69 wickets the most in the championship, including 5 for 52 in the final innings yesterday, including the wicket of Tom Screwen to secure the championship, which felt somewhat appropriate.

Whilst we're on the topic of Leicestershire, after their promotion to Division 1, they look set to be heading straight back to Division II with Hampshire for company.

However, however, and this is very important.

Last week they got deducted 27 points for a poorly prepared pitch for their matchup against Glamorganshire.

They have since appealed that decision, and if overturned, which it won't be, it's possible they could leap from Essex and secure their safety, but I don't think that will be happening.

But all will be revealed in due course.

Now, talking of Division 2, we've known that Durham won Division II and are coming up to Division 1, but we've been waiting to find out who will join them.

Well now we know.

After Northamptonshire were beaten convincingly by seven wickets at the hands of Middlesexhire at Lordshire, it is Kenshire who are confirmed in the second promotion place.

Alongside their seven wicket win this week, it's been a fantastic seven days for Middlesexhire, as they, despite not getting promoted, did win silverware, of course, this year.

After the service last week, they took on Leicestershire in the one-day cup final at Nottinghamshire, winning by 31 runs and rounding off a remarkably successful competition for the game of 50 over cricket.

Now, in international cricketing news, there was also plenty of that this week.

The biggest controversy of the week came from the Sano cricket ground in Japan, where India narrowly avoided what would have been a fairly embarrassing loss to a nation who have never qualified for a World Cup.

Japan needed just eight runs to win off the final over when Axa Patel's delivery was given as a wide.

After some swift complaints from the Indian team, the decision was overturned and India went on to win the match.

In this country, Sri Lanka levelled the one-day international series against England Shire with a 16-run win at Headingleyshire.

Despite a brilliant opening partnership and later a gutsy knock from Josh Butler when injured, it was a fantastic century from the Sri Lankan captain Cusal Mendis and important wickets from Denet Wellesanger that gave the visitors the win.

Meaning, meaning, meaning, of course, today at the Oval Shire.

It is the deciding One Day International on the final day of the season.

Now, our final story is the retirement of Mark Wood from international cricket.

Captivatingly fast, incredibly exciting, and intensely likable, of course, is Mr.

Wood.

Wear and tear has eventually got the better of Mr.

Wood, and barring perhaps a T20 here or there, he will begin the next stage of his career most immediately, and probably long term, I would have thought, in the commentary box.

His 5 for 41 in St.

Lucia in 2019, his 9 for 100 in Johannesburg, and his blisteringly quick 5 for 34 at Heading Langueshire in the 2023 Ashes series are all moments that he'll be remembered for.

Yet there are also some off-field moments that will stick in the memory.

His solo serenading of the team onto the field to the tune of Jerusalem, where nobody was able to attend is one, and his riding the horse celebrations is another.

Now, talking of heartily sung hymns, let's get today's service started.

So please, if you will all stand as we sing Amazing Grace.

And in the naked light I saw ten thousand people, maybe more.

People talking without speaking, people hearing without listening.

People writing songs that voices never shared, and no one dared disturb.

The sound of silence.

The sound of silence.

Mrs.

Watts, Mrs.

Bartholomew, you're both looking very confused.

I I think you are currently hearing the sound of silence.

Am I right?

Have you both turned your hearing aids on?

You haven't, have you?

Mrs.

Jackson, can you go and check for me, please?

There we go.

Mrs.

Watts, Mrs.

Bartholomew, now can you hear me?

You can.

That is great.

So, the sound of silence.

Why do I mention this?

Well, tomorrow at Cricket Grounds, around the country, there will be the sound of silence, because the season will have finally come to an end.

No sound of people talking without speaking.

No 10,000 people, maybe more, or possibly less, sat together watching the action.

And certainly, no people writing songs that voices never shared.

It has been a long season.

Since the season started, we have a new Prime Minister.

England lost to Argentina in the World Cup semi-final.

Ben Stokes retired from international cricket.

Rex unleashed Excalibur.

Rage fell asleep at Long On.

The ladies of the Women's Institute have caused chaos in surrounding parishes.

Mr.

Gomberts joined us and took our service into a different stratosphere.

And we have all got a bit older, a bit wiser, and in some cases a little less mobile and a little bit wrinklier.

There are still two sessions of the season to go, or in the case of the One Day International at the Oval Shire, fingers crossed 100 overs.

And at this point, I shall turn grumpy.

By all means have a slightly pointless but lucrative one-day series at the tow end of the season.

But please, please, please don't have the decider on the same day as the end of the county championship summer.

Let the championship have its moment, even if it is all decided before the first ball of the ODI.

Let the championship have its moment in the setting sun.

And tomorrow we shall all awake.

Some may feel relief, some will feel exhausted and may struggle to get out of bed.

Some will be packing bags to head abroad for tests, ODIs, and a franchise competition or two.

Thank you to every single player who has given it everything this season.

Sometimes it will have gone well.

Sometimes it may not.

But without our players, much like all of us in the parish, when Rex strides out to bat, without our players, we would have nothing to watch.

And tomorrow we will be left with our own memories of the season.

Memories we can fall back on when the winter nights kick in, and memories we can all discuss sat in the badger's googly next to Ted's roaring fire.

And Ted assures me he is building a fireplace for this winter, which is excellent news after the six evacuations last winter.

But we will all be sad and we will all miss our cricket.

Thankfully, we are all together.

And I have invited Rex and Reg to hold fortnightly meetings in the village hall during the winter, where they will reminisce on the performances of the parish eleven.

They will also answer any of your cricketing questions.

These meetings will start at 7 o'clock in the evening and finish at 10 past seven because Mrs.

Watts has already booked the hall for her live modelling art classes.

But 10 minutes should be more than enough time.

And talking of the village hall, I am delighted to say Mr.

Jenkins has already offered us the use of his overhead projector so we can all gather and watch the England Test Series in South Africa on the big white sheet that we use as a site screen at the pond end.

Mrs.

Bartholomew has already started making the sandwiches, which she says will have a South African theme.

So please enjoy today, the final day of the season.

Gather in the badges, Googly to listen and watch the live streams and the BBC commentary of the final day of championship cricket.

And then when that's done, we'll stick the one day international on it.

Now, one notice, Mr.

Domberts and I have decided on the design for the Parish Burba.

And much like Mrs.

Watts's winter art classes, we'll be revealing all next week.

I shall finish this week's sermon with the words from memory.

The stage musical Cats, sung beautifully by amongst others, Elaine Page.

Touch me, this is Watts, don't take that literally.

Touch me, it's so easy to leave me, all alone with the memory of my days in the sun.

And now I invite WG to the lecture to give us his juris Cricket in Three with WG Hello everyone, Just Rumble here, and welcome back to Cricket in Three with WG.

Now I suspect most of you know the name Wisden rather better than you know the name John Wisden.

Which is slightly unfair, really, because the man himself was a cricketer before he became a book.

John Wisden was born in Brighton in 1826, so this year is his bicentenary.

He was a fast bowler and played for Sussex and Middlesex, and he could bowl.

In 1850, playing for Sussex against Kent, he took all ten wickets in innings.

So when we talk about John Wisden, we're not talking about some chap who spent his days sitting in the pavilion making notes.

He could actually play.

But his lasting contribution came in 1864, when he published the first edition of the Wisden Cricketers Almanac.

Now the first Wisden was rather different from the great yellow book we know today.

It was a small paperback.

You could probably get it into your pocket without putting your back out.

But the basic idea was the same to keep a record of the cricket.

And that sounds obvious now.

But cricket produces an extraordinary amount of history.

Who scored the runs, who took the wickets, who won, who lost, who was dropped, who was picked when everyone thought someone else should have been.

And of course, who remembers it correctly?

Because every cricketer has a memory, and every cricketer's memory gets slightly better with age.

Wisden gave us something a little more reliable.

John Wisden himself died in 1884, long before the Almanac became the institution it is today.

But his name stayed on the cover and gradually became part of the language of cricket.

You don't really say I'll have a look at the annual statistical record of first class cricket.

You say I'll look it up in Wisden.

That's quite something.

Because there have been thousands of cricketers since John Wisden died, far better batsmen than he was, faster bowlers, more famous captains, legends of the game.

And yet, sooner or later, almost all of them have ended up in his book.

I rather like that.

Because cricket is obviously a game obsessed with what's happening now and with statistics.

Today's score, today's wicket, today's selection, and all the records we can compare them against.

It's a game with a very long memory.

Open an old wisdom, and you're not just looking at figures.

You're meeting old cricketers, old friends.

W.

G.

Grace, Hobbes, Hammond, Bradman, Jardine, Fender, and thousands of others who have disappeared from living memory, but are still there on the page.

And I suppose that's really John Wisden's achievement.

He didn't score the most runs and he didn't take the most wickets, although he was a very good player.

But he did make sure that the cricket was remembered.

And two hundred years after his birth, we're still talking about him.

That's not a bad innings at all.

Thank you to WG.

And now Mr.

Gombert will read a passage from the good book.

This week, in honor of the international career of Mark Wood, I'll read the story from the good book of Michael Holding telling the English bowler to lengthen his run-up.

Today's reading comes from the Book of Bowling Fast, chapter 140.

And it came to pass that young Mikey spoke unto young Mark, saying, I thinketh thou should lengthen thy run-up, for thou shalt use far less energy, and thou shalt bowleth faster, and thou shalt preserve thy body, thou shalt create excitement, change gains, and thou shalt take many wickets.

And young Mark hearkened unto the wisdom of young Mikey, and lo he lengthened his run-up, and lo he bowleth faster, and lo he changeth the game, and lo taketh many wickets he did.

Here endeth the reading.

I invite you now to bow your heads for our prayer.

Dearest Mother Cricket, we thank you for the season you gave us, for the ones that didn't bounce, and the ones that leapt up, for the runouts missed and the catches dropped, for the cover drives and the forward defenses, the last wicket heroics, and the memories made.

In swingers and googlies, how's that?

Right.

No, no, no, don't don't sit down, Trevor, not yet.

No, no, no, because no, because I am just about to invite you all to come to the front to answer this week's cricketing question.

Ah the Newbery batting gloves.

Well, I must admit I mentioned the Honda Civic circa 2013, and I have been wearing the Newbury batting gloves for driving purposes this week, and not only are they magnificent gloves for batting, I have to say they are also magnificent gloves for driving.

You grip the steering wheel and you feel firmly in control.

So the magnificent Newbery batting gloves, let me say it again, the magnificent Newbery batting gloves, not only magnificent, but absolutely beautiful.

Now you're all here at the front of the church with us once again.

And last week's question from young Mr Gomberts was this.

Harry Brook hit 114 in England's T20 against Sri Lanka.

But what is the highest score by an English batter in IT twenties?

The answer is of course put your hand down, Mrs.

Watch, or too late, I'm afraid.

Too late.

The answer is of course Phil Salt, who scored 141 knot out of just 60 balls against South Africa last year.

If you got the answer right, if you emailed in to us on the Sunday service or tweeted us at Sunday Service22, your name has gone in the hat, of course, for the Newby Batting Gloves.

So, shall we have this week's question?

Yes, we shall.

With Warwickshire winning the County Championships this weekend with 225 points.

Your question for this week from young Mr.

Gomberts is this What is the highest number of points a team has scored in Division I of the County Championship?

That is the question this week.

And those from the Parish of Newbury have also released a bespoke discount code for members of our parish.

Just use Sunday Service15 and get 15% off at www.newbury.co.uk, excluding Bespoke Bats.

And why not treat yourselves to some premium gear and quality willow?

Well, the cups have been washed up.

The squash has been finished.

That is stumps for today's service.

And talking of squash, refreshments will be available in the Badgers Googly, where we'll be watching the final day of County Championship action in the games that are still ongoing.

And of course, the final one day international of the season between England and Sri Lanka.

Now, during the week, I'd love for you to get in touch with your own cricketing stories, maybe your highlights from the season.

You can do that by emailing us at SundayserviceCricket at gmail.com or messaging us on Twitter at Sundayservice22.

Thank you everybody for coming along to the service today.

And if you've enjoyed yourselves, please do tell other members of the parish to come along with you next week and expand our cricketing family.

Thank you to WG Rumble Pants and of course to Newberry for their continued support of the Sunday service.

This service has been led by George Gomperts and Mark Church.

And until next Sunday, bowl fast.

Bowl very fast.

Wise words, young Mr Gombertz, wise words.

Until next week, bat well everybody.

Bat very, very well.

Goodbye.

Hello Rex, how are you?

Oh Rex, not happy.

Why are you not happy?

Oh the Dan Lawrence getting called into the uh England One Day International Squad.

And you're hoping he plays?

Well I has a I can only agree with you, Rex.

I can only agree with you.

What's that, Rex?

Oh, you you you're expecting a call at some point because of your batting?

Where are you expecting a call from, Rex?

Sorry, sorry.

Explain that to me again.

You you're expecting a call from somewhere around the world this winter, Rex?

Because of your batting with Excalibur?

Who are you expecting a call from, Rex?

Japan?

Rex, you do Rex, you do understand that Japan are actually a very, very good side, and um, as I explained at the beginning of the service, they came very close to beating India.

Yeah, I well Rex, I'm sure they I'm I'm sure they are looking for for batters, but y Rex, you've only ever hit one sit.

Rex, Rex, I've told you this before.

We all love you dearly.

But you're atrocious at batting, Rex.

And you're atrocious at keeping wicket, aren't you?

Yeah, I know, but I know Conan Gowdery got called up at 43 to face Thompson and Lily, but but that was a bit of a one-off Rex, really, wasn't it?

Yes, well, okay, lovely.

Now, Rex, you're all prepared, aren't you, for uh the the Vidy Chall Christ in question starting at seven o'clock in a couple of weeks' time to talk about the Parish 11's performances this season, including you with the bat Excalibur?

Excellent, Rex.

Excellent, excellent, excellent.

Put the dreams of Japan out of your head, Rex.

It's not gonna happen.

I'm sorry to be honest with you, it's not gonna happen.

Yes, thank you, Rex, as always.

Yes, yes, yes.

I'm coming to the Badgers Googly to listen to the final day of the championship season.

I am indeed.

Yes, and let's all hope that Dan Lawrence is better for England than the One Day International.

Okie dokie Rex, I'll see you.

I'll see you shortly.

Thank you as always, Rex.

Thank you.

Bye bye.