Getting Real In Your Relationships Holly

If we want to build healthy relationships, it is time

for us to stop pretending.

Look at verse nine.

It says, do not lie to each other since you

have taken off your old self with its old practices.

Sometimes I think we lie to others about who we

are because really we're lying to ourselves.

We don't want to look.

In the mirror and admit and accept what we see.

Do you know anyone in your life who is just

not self-aware? Like they have no idea that they just

dominate conversations or that they show up late to everything

or that they make everything about them. You tell a

story about your kids, they tell a story about their kids.

You tell a story about a trip you went on,

they went to a better place. Recently, I got honest

with myself about how I was not a good listener.

I started to realize that even when someone was talking,

I was thinking about what I was going to say next.

And I don't know why I'm smiling because it's not

a good thing.

It's a terrible thing.

And guys, I'm working on this, okay?

It's not that I don't want to listen.

It's just I have a lot to say.

That's why you're all here today, right? I have a

lot to say.

Sometimes I dominate conversation when I sense that the other person.

Isn't in a sherry mood. Do you know what I

mean by that?

I'm one of those people that I don't do well

with conversational space, right? Some people are okay with just quiet.

And some people aren't and I'm not.

And so when somebody else around me, if I feel

like they're quiet or if I feel like they're insecure

about a situation, then I will just Fill the space

with words. So a few months ago, I had lunch

with a very close friend of mine, and I wasn't

having a great week. So I completely dominated the whole

lunch with my problems and my kids' issues.

And on and on and on I went.

And I could feel myself doing it, but I don't know.

I couldn't stop. And looking back, when I look back

on the lunch....

I could sense that my friend was holding back, but

I didn't know what to do.

And I didn't want to be pushy.

And I felt like, well, if she has something she

wants to talk about, she'll talk about it. After all,

I mean, we've been friends for a long time.

So I just kept going. I went on and on.

And a few weeks later, she came to me and

she just poured her heart out about a major crisis

that she had been facing in her family.

And when I put two and.

Two together, I realized that she was in the thick

of this crisis that.

Day that we had been at lunch.

And my problems were not crisis, okay? My problems were

just everyday things, right? Thankfully, we've been friends for years

and we have a history together. So she didn't make

me feel bad about it. I even said to her,

I was like, oh my gosh, that day that we

went to lunch and I went on and on, you

were going through this? And she was so gracious to me.

Maybe she wasn't even ready to share that day.

But that's not the point. The point is that I was.

So unaware that I was dominating the conversation and I

was so consumed with my mini crisis or my perceived

crisis that I didn't even realize that she was struggling

more than I was. Nobody wants to be friends with

someone who doesn't listen and who doesn't pay attention.

No one.

I have to stand in front of the mirror and

I have to say, hello, my name is Holly.

I am not a good listener. I'm going to work

on this.

If you feel like your relationships are struggling, it could

be that it's all their fault. If that's the way

you want to live, always blaming others, that's your choice.

But you do have another option.

You can look within and you can be honest. And

like Paul says, you can take.

Off the old self.

So after I'm truthful with myself, then I have to

begin to work on being truthful with others. We live

in a world where people are craving authentic relationships, yet

we all wear masks.

It's a way that we protect ourselves from pain. But

if you want to grow and and you wanna.

Get closer with the people who are in your life,

you are going.

To have to take off the mask.

Truthfulness in relationships, it can take on so many meanings.

And I'm not really talking about being truthful.

With your friend and telling her like, you have lipstick

on your teeth, you know? There's a time and place

for that, but that's not what I'm talking about.

I'm also not talking about when you sit your friend

down and you tell her that she really needs to

break up with that guy and he's not good for her.

There's a time and place for that.

What I am talking about is being real. No one

wants to be friends with somebody who they feel like

is pretending. Pretending to be someone that you're not.

Pretending to be perfect.

Which, by the way, is the stupidest thing that you

can pretend to be because it really just looks like

you're hiding something. I had a girl in one of

my groups one time that she was so perfect.

And every time somebody shared.

about anything, she had a solution, something that she had

learned and how, you know, well, we don't have money

problems because we have an envelope system and we don't

ever fight because we just sit down and talk it out.

And it's like, I don't want to go to lunch

with her.

She's just going to make me feel bad about my life,

you know? Even pretending that you know about something, but

maybe you don't. Nobody wants to be around that I

don't think that we realize how much social media can

cause damage to our real life relationships. Have you ever

been scrolling through Facebook or Instagram and come across a

post by a friend that you know, like a real

life friend, and thought, liar it's all lies she's such

a liar i know her she does not she does

not love waking up at three o'clock in the morning

to breastfeed her baby subconsciously it makes you trust her

less So listen to me. I'm not just talking about

when other people lie. I'm talking about when we pretend.

When you pretend, when you put something on social media

to make yourself look good or to make yourself feel better,

you're actually hurting your real life relationships because the people

that know you are going crazy.

Liar. It's not true.

And then subconsciously it.

Injures a relationship with.

Them because now they're like, well, if she lied about that,

how do I.

Even know if she's telling me the truth?

Some people take this idea of honesty too far and

they're constantly verbally vomiting, but they're always over-dramatizing their issues

for the sake of attention.

That isn't honesty either.

Honesty is when we are real with our friends and

we are real with our lives and our.

Relationships up close.

Just focus on the idea that the people in your life,

they don't need you to be perfect.

And they certainly don't need you to be a basket case.

Healthy relationships are built when both parties are growing, when

you're able to see.

Something in your life that you want to work on

and you change it.

We can all think of someone in our lives who

stopped growing somewhere along the way and how difficult they

are to be around.

I don't want to be that difficult person.

Whether they're like that because they experienced some life trauma

that they just couldn't overcome or maybe they just gradually

became bitter. These people are impossible to have a healthy

relationship because they refuse to change.

And I don't want to be that person in.

Someone else's life. Paul is telling us, Take off the

old self. Take off that mask. Stop pretending.

And look at this.

Put on the new self, which is being renewed.

In knowledge, in the image of its creator.

Let the Holy Spirit reveal one area you can work

on personally and just decide, I'm going to grow.

For me, it's listening right now.

For you, it might be that you need to share

more with others. For someone else, it might be simple

thing like punctuality and respecting the person that I'm meeting

or remembering people's special days and birthdays. Or maybe I'm

gonna work on not blaming or not arguing with everyone.

I don't mean to spell it out for you.

I just want to get your mind in the right directions.

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