House Rules: Week 13, 1 Timothy 5:1-6

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Each week you'll find biblical teaching, practical encouragement, and conversations designed to help you follow Jesus in everyday life.

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My name is Nate Maddox.

I am one of the pastors here.

And I know many of you know me, but many of you don't actually know my church history.

One day I hope to share my whole faith journey with you.

Maybe we'll do that on a special night.

But I want to just give you a small snippet of my story.

My first full-time job in ministry.

My wife and I were young.

I think I was like 24.

She was like 22.

We moved to North Georgia and I was like a family pastor.

I oversaw kids' ministry and student ministry for a church that had been around for only a few years.

And we were there for about two years and I got fired.

It's the one and only time I have ever been fired from a job, even as a teenager.

And my first ministry job, I was fired.

The reason was because it came out to the staff that the lead pastor was taking money from the church.

So me at 24 years old, I confronted him.

The pastor looked at me in the face and pointed in his finger in my face and said, This is my church.

My name is on the bank account.

My name is on the credit card.

And if I want to give myself a bonus, I'll give myself a bonus any day I wish.

And at 24 years old, I told him I thought that was wrong.

And he told me, you're fired.

That church no longer exists, and that man is no longer in ministry.

My second church job, we had been there for three years, and the pastor came to me and said, This church just isn't working for me anymore.

Now, granted, he planted the church, he started the church, he said, I think, these are his words, I think the anointing has left this place, and I'm going to shut the church down in two months.

I just need two more months of pay from these people.

Brittany and I were devastated.

I learned early on that churches get in trouble when the leadership operates from their own ideas instead of the word of God.

And then you fast forward, I eventually became a lead pastor of a tiny church of about 15 people.

I was 28 at the time.

And the church looked at me and said, Hey, lead us the best way you know how.

And that was scary to me because my past two experiences were dumpster fires.

And so I went to the Word of God and sat down with the Bible and began looking at what scripture actually said about the church.

How we're supposed to lead it, how we're supposed to treat people, how we're supposed to handle difficult situations.

And I tried to build a church from that foundation on, and it grew to hundreds of people by God's grace.

Because I think sometimes we forget just how practical the Bible is.

I think sometimes we actually over-spiritualize the Bible when in reality the Bible just sometimes gives very clear and practical instructions for his people to follow.

Today is going to be one of those days.

We have been going verse by verse through the book of 1 Timothy, and Paul has been writing to this young pastor Timothy and helping him lead the church of Ephesus.

This is also the same book where Ephesians was written to.

Paul has given Timothy deep theological truths.

He has warned him about false teachers.

He has taught him about leadership.

He was reminded him what the church is and what the church exists to do.

And now Paul is getting extremely practical.

He's answering a few church questions that 2,000 years later, you and I are still asking these questions and figuring out how to deal with them.

So Paul is about to show Timothy what it actually looks like when the gospel shapes the everyday relationships of the church, of the people in the household of God.

So today we're going to be in 1 Timothy chapter 5.

1 Timothy 5 · chapter mention

We're going to look at verses 1 through 16.

1 Timothy chapter 5, we're going to be looking at 16 verses 1 through 16.

1 Timothy 5 · chapter mention

It'll be up on your screens, but hopefully you'll have your Bible because I'm going to keep referencing this passage.

We're going to start from the beginning and work our way to the end.

1 Timothy chapter 5, verses 1 through 16.

1 Timothy 5:1–16

It says this.

Honor widows who are truly in need.

But if a widow has children or grandchildren, they should first learn to fulfill their duties towards their household, and so repay their parents for what is owed to them.

For this is what pleases God.

But the widow who is truly in need and completely on her own has set her hope on God and continues in her pleas and her prayers night and day.

But the one who lives for pleasures is dead, even while she lives.

Reinforce these commands so that they will be beyond reproach.

But if someone does not provide for his own, especially in his own family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

Crazy words.

Bold words in Scripture.

As one who was raised children, practiced hospitality, washed the feet of the saints, helped those in distress as one who has exhibited all kinds of good works, but do not accept younger widows on the list, because their passions may lead them away from Christ, and they will desire to marry, and so incur judgment for breaking their former pledge.

And besides that, going around from house to house, they learn to be lazy.

And they are not only lazy, but there are also gossips and busybodies talking about things they should not.

So I want younger women to marry, to raise children, and to manage a household in order to give the adversary no opportunity to vilify us.

For some have already wandered away to follow Satan.

16 verses of just practical instructions.

And for some of you in this room, you are kind of scratching your head right now and going, I didn't know the Bible talked like this.

I didn't know the Bible just shared these unique, interesting, just practical advices, lists off the age that a woman should be to be counted as a widow.

If she's 59, she can still get married, 60.

I guess you're done.

Kidding, that's not the case.

But this is why I love the word of God.

This is why I love when our church goes verse by verse through a book of the Bible because you can't skip over awesome verses like this.

It's a lot of stuff here, so let me kind of dive in.

I got four points for you today in total.

Let's start with point number one is this.

I want you to see correction inside the church.

Correction in the church.

Let's focus on the men for a moment.

Men, buckle up.

I'm gonna talk directly to you and be bold as I talk to you this morning.

This passage says, do not address an older man harshly, but appeal to him as a father.

Speak to a young man as a brother.

Now remember, Timothy is a young pastor, right?

Chapter 4, Paul tells him, Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young.

So we know Timothy is young.

He's probably like 41.

He's probably got hair, probably.

I don't know.

So Timothy finds himself in this like unique situation, right?

Some men in his church are older than him, and some of these men need correction.

Paul doesn't just tell Timothy, well, they're older than you, uh, just kind of leave them alone, let them do their own thing.

No, age does not put you above correction.

But Paul does tell Timothy the way you correct someone matters.

Paul uses the word harshly.

That Greek word um essentially uh means to strike someone else.

So what Paul is basically saying is, hey, hey, hey, Timothy, don't beat down an older man with your words.

Instead, Paul says appeal to him as a father.

That Greek word appeal uh means to encourage, to exhort, to urge on.

So what Paul's saying, hey, hey, don't attack him, don't beat him down with your words, but no, come alongside him, spur him on, encourage him, don't use your position to beat him down, but approach him like a son to a father.

Now that doesn't mean we don't avoid truth, because Paul tells the Galatians in Galatians chapter 6, verse 1, brothers and sisters, if a person is discovered to be in some sin, you who are spiritual should restore such a person in a spirit of gentleness.

Galatians 6:1

Notice both sides to that, right?

Don't ignore the sin, but restore the person in gentleness.

What does this mean?

Well, we don't call wrong right just because the conversation is uncomfortable.

Let me say that again.

We don't call wrong right just because the conversation is uncomfortable.

Truth and gentleness are not enemies.

That'll be a theme throughout this.

Throughout this entire sermon, I'm going to show you that things are not enemies or in contrast to one another.

And truth and gentleness are not in contrast.

You can be absolutely committed to the truth without being cruel to people.

Being right doesn't give you the permission to treat someone wrong.

Let me repeat that.

Being right doesn't give you the permission to treat someone wrong.

This is what Paul is telling Timothy.

But I also think there's a challenge here to the older men in this room.

I think to each and every one of us who are men and getting older in age, Paul tells Timothy to approach this older man with respect as a son approaches a father.

But older men in this room, let me ask you something.

Are you becoming the kind of man who actually receives correction?

Are you becoming the sort of man who actually can receive correction?

Because age should bring wisdom.

Years of walking with Jesus should produce humility.

Can you take correction?

Wives, do not nudge your husband at this moment.

I'm about to read two pretty strong Bible verses.

Proverbs 8, 9.

Uh, I'm sorry, 9-8.

My dyslexia just walked in.

I apologize.

Proverbs 9-8 says this do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you.

Rebuke a wise person, and he will love you.

Older men, which one are you?

When you are rebuked, do you end up being aggressive, pushing back, hateful towards the person who called you out?

Or when you are challenged, you are welcoming it and loving towards it.

Let me give you even a stronger verse.

Proverbs 12, one.

That's the Bible.

That's crazy.

That is awesome.

One mark of wisdom isn't that you never need correction.

It's that you've learned how to receive it.

Men, if your wife, your children, your pastor can't tell you you're wrong without you becoming angry, defensive, that's not spiritual maturity.

Scripture says you're acting dumb.

And I love you enough to just tell you what scripture says.

We all do.

The evidence of maturity is that you learn how to receive correction.

Now, every man, say amen.

Oh, because I know all the ladies were wanting to scream it.

But this is interesting, right?

So Paul sits here and says, Hey, approach an older man, let them be the godly men that will receive correction.

Come to them and have the conversation with them.

And then he switches over and it says, younger men, speak to younger men as brothers.

And I love that passage.

I don't have a brother, I have a sister, I don't have any boys in my household.

I have four daughters.

Again, pray for me.

But I love this.

I have never had a brother, nor do I have children who are boys, but every single person in this room understands that sentence when it says, younger men treat each other like brothers.

We know what that means, right?

There is this type of realness, boldness, love between brothers.

One day they're in the middle of the yard just beating each other up.

And in the next moment, they're helping each other fix their trucks, right?

That's just brothers.

They go to war with each other and they go to war for each other.

That's brothers.

My dad and my uncle are opposites.

Like as opposite as you uh as opposites can be.

Let me explain that.

My dad hunts and drinks beer.

My uncle, he cooks and sips wine.

Like, that's all I have to give you, right?

You know these, you have an image of what my uncle looks like, you have an image of what my father looks like, and they are opposite ends of the spectrum, right, honey?

They are as far opposite as you possibly can be.

And they fight like cats and dogs.

But there is not a moment that my dad wouldn't show up for my uncle, my uncle wouldn't show up for my dad.

Because they're brothers.

Do they disagree?

Of course.

But they find common ground.

Why?

Because they're brothers.

They can be different and disagree and fight with one another, but they'll still show up to help one another.

Why?

Because they're brothers.

They know what it's like because they're brothers.

Paul tells us back in chapter three that we are the household of God, meaning this is a family.

And so when an older man is wrong, he is still my father, and I still show him respect.

Correction doesn't cancel relationship, and relationship doesn't cancel correction.

Correction in God's family should feel like family.

We should do it with humility, with respect, with gentleness and love, because the person standing across from me, he is not my enemy.

Scripture says he's my brother and sister in Christ.

Too many churches have been torn apart because we've missed this.

Too many churches have been torn apart because the men don't see each other like brothers.

So we're we'll fight, but we'll support.

We can agree to disagree, but we'll come alongside.

I called my dad the other day and I'm like, where are you?

He's like, I'm in South Carolina building a closet for Greg.

I'm like, what?

He's like, yeah, he called me and said I needed a closet built.

So I just jumped in my truck and drove to South Carolina.

Brothers! It's it there's just a thing there.

That's what the church is supposed to be.

So, men, take correction.

Men, let's duke it out for the gospel and grow in Jesus together.

Take corrections, love it and cherish it and show up to one another.

So Paul was getting the men right.

Paul used these two, this verse to get the men's right because now he switches over to the women.

Point number two is this we've seen the correction in the church.

Now let's see the care in the church.

Because men, you have to understand God has given us a tremendous responsibility in our church and in our homes.

See, when men pursue Christ, when men accept their responsibility, when men love sacrificially, when men care for the people of God has placed around them, this creates an environment where women and children can flourish, knowing they are protected by godly men.

So, men, let's get this right.

And then Paul goes on and says this treat older women as mothers and younger women as sisters with complete purity.

Ladies, older ladies, more seasoned ladies in this church.

I'm gonna say seasoned.

Seasoned's a better word.

My heart goes out to you because our our our culture has a tendency to celebrate youth and dismiss age.

And I hate that for you.

That shouldn't be in the church.

There should be no part of that in the church.

We should you young you more seasoned ladies don't cross over a threshold where you stop being irrelevant.

Scripture says you're our mothers.

On behalf of the pastoral staff.

Can I say thank you?

Thank you so much.

You do so much for us.

You pray for us.

You're there for us.

Thank you, more seasoned ladies in the church.

We see you.

I know you do things that you don't think anyone ever sees.

We see you.

And you may not hear this enough.

But thank you.

Thank you for being a mother of this church.

We value it more than we give you credit, and we're sorry for that.

He goes on and challenges the men to see them as mothers, but then he turns and shifts to the younger women and he says and treat them as sisters.

And he says this phrase with complete purity.

He addresses how you talk to older men, he addresses how you talk to younger men.

He addresses how you see the older, some more seasoned ladies in our church, and then he addresses how you see the younger ones.

And he taglines this.

Why?

Because he tells the men how you're supposed to view the women in the church as mothers and sisters, meaning men, we don't use her.

Men, we don't manipulate her.

Men, we don't flirt with the boundaries with her.

We don't create inappropriate emotional relationships.

We protect her dignity.

We treat her with complete purity.

That Greek word for complete purity means a moral, it means moral uh purity, it means sexual purity.

And Paul doesn't just say we treat her with purity, he says we treat her with complete purity, meaning there's not even a hint, men.

That when we love the women of this church, when we come alongside the women of this church, there is not even a hint of indecency or inappropriateness on how we treat the women of this church.

We see them as mothers and we see them as sisters.

Do me a favor, let's make it awkward.

Look around.

We are afraid, look around, like look around, look, look there.

Balcony, look, balcony, lean over, look down below, like look up.

I know, like look at these people.

Like I just yelled at you for a second, it got tense in here.

Let's be like uh a little loose.

Look around at these people.

These are not people you just go to church with.

Scripture says these are your family members.

And this may be the very first time you looked at some of your family members in the eye for just a moment.

That shouldn't be.

We should love one another, come alongside another, challenge one another.

These are not people you just sit near in a sanctuary, these are your brothers, your sisters, your mothers, your fathers in the faith.

And then Paul goes on for the rest of the verses and makes it massively practical.

Because what happens when one of these mothers and sisters loses their husbands and nobody is left to care for them?

Verse three tells us to honor the widows who are truly in need.

Now we're gonna spend a bunch of time talking about widows.

I am quickly running out of time.

Um you are not making it to lunch on time, I can tell you right now.

But in this, Paul is, you have to understand the world Paul's riding into, right?

Because at this point in time, if a widow becomes a widow in the first century, it would be devastating.

Why?

Because there's no social security, there's no Medicare, there's no pensions riding behind her.

For a woman, her husband was her primary source of financial provision and protection.

And when he died, the question became very real.

Who's going to take care of her?

And God's people have always been called to take care of widows.

Psalm 68, verse 5 describes God as the father to the fatherless and the protector of widows.

Psalms 68:5

James 1.27 says the pure and undefiled religion includes caring for orphans and widows in their adversity.

In fact, the first major problem the church had to deal with was Acts 6.

The start of the deacons was just to handle widows.

Widows were not being cared for properly.

And so deacons were formed just to handle widows.

The caring for the vulnerable isn't a side ministry of the church, it reflects the very heart of God.

But, and this is a big but, watch what Paul does when he talks about getting practical in this way in verse 4.

But if a widow has children or grandchildren, they should first learn to fulfill their duties towards their own household and so repay their parents what is owed.

For this is what pleases God.

Paul says, before the church steps in, look to the family.

Does she have children?

Does she have grandchildren?

This passage is saying it's time for the family to step up.

This Greek phrasing is interesting because it says fulfill their duties towards their own household.

That phrasing, the Greek word they're actually using here, Paul's using is, hey, you want to practice.

He's basically saying, hey, you want to practice godliness?

You want to actually put your godliness into practice, this is what you should do.

One commentary I read this week says this.

This phrase carries a heavy responsibility because it makes it clear that this is a matter of priority for every child of God.

Then he goes on to say this boldly.

Paul is basically saying, Do you want to show your godliness?

You want to know what your godliness should look like?

Take care of your mother.

Now, whatever that looks like, it's different from mother to mother, but the fifth commandment, honor your father and mother, does not expire when you turn 18.

And right now, some of you might be really mad at me.

May hear this and say, You don't know my mother.

How dare you say that?

And you want to write a really lengthy email to Pastor David, that's fine.

He'll read it.

I won't.

But I want to encourage you, don't get mad at me, get mad at Scripture because Paul doubles down even more.

Jump down to verse 8.

He uses even stronger language.

But if someone does not provide for his own, especially his own family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

That's strong.

Paul isn't saying you earn your salvation by taking care of your parents.

He's saying that claiming to follow Jesus while refusing basic responsibilities towards your own family contradicts the faith you claim to believe.

Your theology shows up in how you treat people.

And notice what Paul is establishing.

The church has a responsibility and the family.

And those two things aren't competing against one another.

Biblical compassion doesn't eliminate personal responsibility, and personal responsibility doesn't eliminate biblical compassion.

Point number three is this: proper care requires biblical discernment.

Because the question we ask as a church, or has been challenged to the church, is does the church just help every person who asks for help for however they ask for help, forever how long they ask for help?

Paul's answer to that is no.

In verse 9, he says, no widow should be put on the list unless she's at least 60 years old.

Now, apparently the Ephesian church here keeps some sort of formal list.

We don't know the details of this, but we know that there is a process, some sort of process they have, and Paul is clarifying it.

But that process gives qualifications.

And I think it's important because sometimes we think compassion means never asking questions.

One of my responsibilities here as the missions pastor is the benevolence side of our church.

Someone calls and asks for their rent to be paid, someone calls and asks for this.

We get calls multiple times a month.

When I first got here, I started asking questions and I started rejecting some people.

I was called, actually called the big bad wolf by some people in our church because I told people no.

It's a true story, it's funny.

We laugh about it now.

But I was called, I was called the big bad wolf because I was like, no, we're not, we're not helping this one, we're not helping this one.

There are responsibilities, there are reasons for this.

Church, biblical compassion and biblical discernment are not enemies.

Why did I say no?

No, because the goal isn't simply to make immediate problems disappear.

The goal is to actually care for the person.

And Paul gives qualifications.

She needs to be 60, she needs to do this, she needs to do that.

Paul isn't saying that if this person's made mistakes in your life, the church doesn't care about you.

That's not the point.

He's describing the character of a woman whose life has been marked by faithfulness to Christ and to the church.

And there's something beautiful about this because she cared for the church.

She cared for other people, and now she's older.

The husband is gone.

She can't provide for herself like she once could.

And Paul looks at the church and essentially says, now it's your turn to care for her.

She cared for us.

Now she's in distress.

It's your turn to care for her.

Compassion without discernment can become enabling.

Discernment without compassion can become cruelty.

I don't have time to go into this because I'm well past my time.

But I would challenge you, moms and dads, in this room.

I think I've shared this before.

Luke 15.

One day, Pastor David will let me preach this passage.

The prodigal son, Luke 15.

Scripture says he's in the middle of the pig pen, right?

He's longing to eat what the pigs have to eat as a Jewish man.

That's crazy.

To eat after a pig.

And scripture says he comes to his senses.

The father didn't bail him out.

The mother didn't bail him out.

But the father restored him after he repented and returned.

But the father didn't bail him out of the pig pen situation.

And the pig pen situation led to his repentance and his return.

Sometimes, parents, it's okay to say no.

To use your biblical discernment to say no.

And then get on your knees and pray for repentance and return.

And in the moment they repent, in the moment they return, it's your job to restore.

Last point, and I'm done.

Godly care still requires personal responsibility.

Paul addresses the younger widows, uh, and his concern is simple.

Hey, some of you have become idle, some of you are gossiping, some of you are meddling, some of you are getting involved in things that weren't your business.

And the way Paul addresses this is simple.

He says, Hey, get busy with your responsibility.

Get busy with what God has already called you to do.

Because when you're not busy doing what God has called us to do, it's amazing how quickly we become busy with what God never called us to do.

Verse 16 summarizes everything.

If she has a family, let the family care for her so the church can care for those who truly are in need.

The family accepts responsibility, the church practices compassion, and no one who is truly alone should be forgotten.

Church, that's what a family does.

We look out for one another.

Paul started off by reminding us that we're fathers, brothers, sisters, mothers.

Because through Jesus Christ, every single one of us has been made a family.

Jesus died for our sins, rose again from the grave, and offers salvation to anyone who repents and believes.

And so I conclude with this.

Men, can you take correction?

Men.

When challenged by your spouse, when challenged by your kids, can you take correction?

My kids say this all the time, and I'm struggling with this.

Pray for me.

I'm the only man in my household.

They think I'm yelling just because my deep my voice is deeper.

They say it all the time.

Dad, it's not what you say, it's how you say it, right, Carly?

She's grinning.

She's like, Don't put me on the spot.

I struggle with that.

I struggle with that personally.

I struggle with that when I'm challenged.

I don't like to be challenged.

So I just my voice just gets deeper.

I struggle with this.

This is a passage I struggle with.

Men, do you struggle with correction?

We're called to protect the church.

Not to beat it down.

I'm coming to you, older man, as a son.

Do you struggle with correction?

Maybe for us today, we need to grab the hand of our spouse, whisper, maybe even bring her down to this altar.

Just whisper in her ear, I'm sorry.

I'm gonna I'm gonna press into the Holy Spirit.

I'm gonna try to do better next time.

Allow the Holy Spirit to lead me a little bit better this time.

We are a family, no one walks alone.

Maybe today, maybe today, you need to care for someone God has entrusted you.

Maybe someone's name right now in the church is coming on your lips.

You are thinking of someone in the church that you haven't seen in a while.

Maybe today your best option is just to send them a text and go, hey, I love you.

Haven't seen you in a while.

Let's grab coffee.

Because we're family.

I don't know.

Whatever the Holy Spirit is leading you, may you know that we are a church and a family.

Let me pray for us.

Jesus, thank you for who you are.

God, thank you for this challenge.

God, thank you for this word.

God, thank you for your ability to just lead us and uh move in a mighty way among us.

As we conclude in this last song, may it be a challenge to our hearts, to be the men that can take correction and and to grow in that, to be younger men to just wrestle with one another and spur one another on to holiness and good works, to be to be the mothers, to be championed as the mothers of the church, God, for for the so many jobs they do that go unseen, for so many prayers that they pray that just no one knows about.

God, may they feel valued today, loved today.

And God, for the younger ladies in the church, may they feel protected, may they feel lifted up.

And God, as we look to how we care for people, as we look to how we are just extremely practical with people, may you give us the Holy Spirit and discernment on how to be the men and women of God you've called us to be, because this is the family you have joined us to.

In Jesus' name we pray.

Amen.

Thanks for joining us on the Celebration Baptist Church Podcast.

We hope today's conversation helped you take another step in your faith journey.

For more resources, upcoming events, and to join us live, visit iCelebration.org.

Until next time, keep connecting with God, connecting with others, and living on mission.