Relationships: Moving back to the Tree of Life - Steve Craig

I want to talk just for a second about Haiti.

I know that uh all of our hearts are just have been broken to see what uh what has happened there.

And uh you know for a country that's been through so much already, and then to have a natural disaster um like they've encountered.

And see, I'm still debating whether I should say this or not, but um it seems every time there's a natural disaster, uh some self-appointed Christian leader can't wait to get on TV and blame God for it.

And I just want you to know that that is one of the biggest lies that anyone will ever tell about our Father.

That that we live in a we live in a fallen world and and and things happen.

They uh they happen to to all of us.

If um you know, if us turning our backs on God um created destruction, not one of us would be here to uh to hear about it.

Jesus said, I can I did not come to condemn the world, I came to save it.

And no one's heart breaks more for the people of Haiti than God Himself.

And he is moving in people, he is comforting them, he is he is uh gonna pour his favor on them, strengthen them, help them rebuild.

He's he's calling his kids all over the world to jump in and uh and be his hands and to help them out.

And um and he will do all that.

And and obviously we can help the we'll pray in a minute for Haiti.

I've you know, I've been asked what what can we do together to help them?

And I think there's times that together we can do more than we could ever do individually, you know, and so we can pull our resources, we can pull our talents, and there's other times where individually we can be a lot more effective than we can together.

And I think that's one of these times because right now they need the help right now.

And um and so I would just encourage us to uh to give individually.

There's a lot of good organizations over there helping.

If if if you don't know one, um, World Vision is a great one.

They've got 400 or more people on the ground there, and you can be sure that that the money's gonna get there and and the stuff's gonna get there, and the people there are gonna pray and love and and um and represent God in the right way there.

And so I I think over time uh there'll be other opportunities that we can do together.

But right now the thing is just individually help groups that are already there now that can help this afternoon, which is uh how they need it most.

So let's pray for them.

Let's pray for God uh to speak to us uh this morning.

Um we've got a big subject again today.

We're talking about relationships and marriage.

We're gonna need the Holy Spirit's uh help and counts, counsel, and we're gonna need him to even interpret what I'm saying and speak right to our hearts.

So, Father, we praise you.

We thank you for being such a great God.

We just uh lift everything up to you.

Uh the groups and classes, I thank you so much for the for uh for all the people that are volunteering and helping and leading and teaching in the groups and classes, and and uh um please just repay them for their love for us.

And and please be with each of us and stir us up and and just show us what group or class for us to to get involved with, and and I praise you and thank you for that.

Father, I I um I thank you for loving the people in Haiti so much.

And uh I just ask you to to be with them in a supernatural way, and I know you are, so I just uh uh we just uh reinforce what you're doing.

But we just uh ask that that you would uh be with those that are injured and to to heal and save them, to be with the the families, to comfort and and strengthen them, to rebuild that um country and do like you do so often uh take an example of destruction and turn it into an example of your power and your love and and your glory.

And so we just praise you and we thank you for that.

And this morning, Holy Spirit, please be our teacher and just uh take your word and make it come alive in our hearts.

And I just pray that each one of us would leave with a word directly from you.

And so we thank you and we trust you with that.

In Jesus' name.

Amen.

So we're talking about relationships.

Um we started a couple weeks ago, and we're talking really about all of our relationships, and this morning we'll see how how uh what God says applies to a bunch of our of our different relationships.

We've also talked about marriage, which is um, I think, uh the most difficult but also the most rewarding relationship of all.

A couple weeks ago we talked about how nothing is impossible with God, regardless of where our relationships are at right now, that there is absolutely nothing that is impossible with God.

Ephesians 3 and uh verse 20, God can do anything, you know, far more, far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams.

And see, this is a big one to me because we can imagine and request a lot of things.

When it comes to our relationships, you know, we get into marriage and things are extremely rough.

A lot of times we can't imagine being in love again.

We can't imagine wanting to be with that person again.

We can't imagine having a great marriage again.

But God can do more than we can imagine or guess or request in our wildest dreams.

He does it not by pushing us around, but by working within us, his spirit deeply and gently within us.

So last week we looked at how complicated our marriages feel.

There's so many different aspects of a marriage relationship.

But we looked at what the essence of that relationship is, which is a lifelong friend, being lifelong friends.

This morning, I want to look at what the essence of a great marriage is.

Lifelong friends, we said, was the essence of a good marriage.

This morning I want to look at what the essence of a great marriage is.

Because that's our real goal, a great marriage.

To do that, I want to go back again to the Garden of Eden before the fall.

Genesis 1.27 said, so God created human beings in his own image.

In the image of God, he created them.

Male and female, he created them.

And we had a relationship, a friendship with God.

God would come in the cool of the evening, he would walk, and he'd talk with Adam and Eve.

The garden itself was just an incredible place, more beautiful than we could, I think, possibly realize.

In Genesis 2, starting in verse 8, it said, Then the Lord God planted a garden in Eden in the east, and there he placed the man he had made.

The Lord God made all sorts of trees grow up from the ground, trees that were beautiful and that produced delicious fruit.

In the middle of the garden, he placed the tree of life and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

And God said, You can eat freely from every tree, especially the tree of life.

But the only tree that you cannot eat from is the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

We think about Adam and Eve, and we think about the forbidden fruit, and we imagine an apple, and I don't know, forbidden fruit conjures up a lot of different things.

But it wasn't just a forbidden fruit, it was the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

The reason Adam and Eve could have a great marriage is because at that time they were only eating at the tree of life.

That's where they hung out, at the tree of life.

But Satan was going to come along soon and deceive them.

In Genesis 3, it says, one day he asked the woman, Did God really say you must not eat the fruit from any of the trees in the garden?

Of course we may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, the woman replied.

God said, You must not eat it or even touch it.

If you do, you will die.

You won't die.

The serpent replied to the woman.

And that was the big lie.

The big lie is that we would be like God.

We would say godly.

That you become godly if you pursue the knowledge of good and evil.

So we can go to church and we can memorize what is good and what is evil, and we can become the morality police if we want.

And go tell the world what they should do and what they shouldn't do.

And we wonder why we still feel dead inside.

It's because there is no life at that tree.

There is no life at that tree.

Life comes in a relationship with God.

Jesus says that He is the vine.

We are the branches.

We don't become godly by memorizing a bunch of rules.

We dive into a relationship with God, who loves us and who changes us from the inside out.

Adam and Eve were lifelong friends before they made that terrible choice.

And we'll see in a moment that they didn't just have a good marriage, they had a great marriage before they made that choice.

The essence of Adam and Eve's great marriage is described in a simple but profound statement.

In Genesis 2.25, it says, Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame.

Now we might have to think about this one for a minute.

But this is the essence of a great marriage.

It's not just a random observation.

It is how God summed up their relationship.

That they were naked, but they felt no shame.

What's that mean?

I mean, were they just nudists?

No, it's a poetic expression of how they were completely themselves with each other.

It was an expression of how they viewed themselves and each other.

They saw themselves and each other as two people created in the image of God.

They could just be themselves and feel no shame.

In each of our hearts, man or woman, there is a desire to be loved just how we are.

Not to have to hide, not to have to pretend, not to have to impress, not to have to perform.

To be who we are and be loved.

I know that is your desire.

It's because God created us that way.

Why?

Because that is how he loves us.

That's how he loves us, just how we are.

He's not going to withhold his love until we become perfect.

He loves us as we are, and he helps us to grow and change.

But Adam and Eve made a terrible choice.

It wasn't, oh well, I think I'll just try this fruit over here.

That looks good.

I mean, it was a big deal.

It was a super big deal.

It was a huge choice.

They chose their way and Satan's way, and they turned their back on God, on his way, and on life.

Immediately when they chose the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, they were ashamed.

They were ashamed of how they looked.

They started blaming each other for mistakes.

Their marriage wasn't so great anymore.

The only thing that had changed was the tree they were eating from.

Our opportunity is to move our marriages in the opposite direction.

Out from under the tree of the knowledge of good and evil and back to the tree of life.

To me, the easiest example of how we can move our marriages back to the tree of the knowledge of good and the evil, or back from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil to the tree of life, is how we perceive our differences.

You know, marriage would be pretty easy if we didn't have all these differences.

I mentioned last week that Susan and I's marriage has been difficult, and we both have had to work hard at it, and we've needed and we've gotten a lot of divine intervention.

And I also said last week I was going to share one of the things that God had taught us that had made a huge, huge impact on our marriage.

And that is how we view each other's differences.

See, we used to see each other from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

This is how I thought.

She was cautious, evil.

See, it's not that hard.

I liked quiet.

Good.

She liked uh extensive communication.

Evil.

I like to put money to work.

Good.

She liked to share with others.

Evil.

I liked to spend nights at home, which is good.

She wanted to go have fun, which was evil.

I thought discipline with the kids was most important, good.

She wanted them to be loved and encouraged.

Evil.

I like sports, good.

She liked movies, evil.

I liked the house warm.

She liked it cold.

I wanted to go to bed early.

She wanted to go late.

I wanted to get up early.

She wanted to sleep in later.

I like the Jetsons.

Good.

She liked Scooby-Doo, evil.

Now I'm not saying as a wimp, but Scooby-Doo kind of stressed me out.

You know, you never know when the guy was going to rip his whole face off.

And uh that's one way I knew I was wound too tight.

You know, when a cartoon can put you over the edge, something's got to change.

I was introverted, she was extroverted.

I liked home cooking, she liked restaurants, I liked the mountains, she liked the beach.

That's just a short list of things.

You know, it's really the ones I'm not embarrassed to tell you.

But it was a long, long list.

And when we looked at each other, what we saw was all the differences.

In fact, we knew we were never going to get along.

Ever.

We just had too many differences.

And in every area we differed.

I thought my way was good, and her way was bad or dumb or evil.

But then we got to know God, our Father, and Jesus, and the Holy Spirit, and we got started getting filled with his life, and we learned the truth about our differences.

The truth is that in a marriage, our differences are not what makes our marriage weak.

Our differences are one of the greatest sources of strength we will ever have in our relationship.

Let's just take one example.

In some of our marriages, one of us is a bold risk taker.

Let's just do it, make it happen.

Let's work out all the details later.

The other is much more cautious.

You know, let's figure out how we're going to pay for it.

Let's pray, you know, get some advice.

Now, the reason the risk taker is wired that way is because that they are created in the image of God.

Yeah, there was a time when God said to Moses, enough praying already, do something, step out, take a risk.

It was when they were stuck in front of the Red Sea and Pharaoh's army was closing in behind him in Exodus 14, 15.

Then the Lord said to Moses, Why are you crying out to me?

Tell the people to get moving.

Pick up your staff and raise your hand over the sea, divide the water so the Israelites can walk through the middle of the sea on dry ground.

There are times for bold action.

It's because we are created in the image of God.

Because they are created in the image of God.

Jesus Himself said in Luke 14, 28, but don't begin until you count the cost.

For who would begin construction of a building without first calculating the cost to see if there's enough money to finish it?

Otherwise, you might complete only the foundation before running out of money.

And then everyone would laugh at you.

They would say, There's the person who started that building and couldn't afford to finish it.

See if we view each other and ourselves correctly, two people created in the image of God, we will end up valuing our differences.

Risk taker, image of God.

Careful, cautious, image of God.

And then eventually together, we'll try to be wise.

We'll plan.

We'll seek God's will.

And then every now and then we'll take a bold risk together.

The most unstable marriages that I have seen are not the marriages with tremendous differences, they are the marriages with few differences.

Two people that are just out there, no one's saying, hold on, let's think this through.

Let's pray about this, let's get some advice.

Two people that are disciplinarians as parents.

And no one's saying, let's make sure these kids know that they are loved no matter what.

Two people who just want to make sure their kids are loved and affirmed.

And no one providing boundaries or discipline.

You don't want to be seated next to them at the restaurant.

You know, when we have two people that are too much the same, it's always fun and always vacations with no concern for how we're going to pay for it.

Or it is always watching every dollar with no concern for fun and getting away as a family.

To have a strong marriage, to be healthy and well-rounded as families, we need to thank God for our differences.

Embrace them, appreciate them, value them.

It is not good versus evil, right versus wrong.

It is two different God-given strengths that can be combined into super strength, but only at the tree of life.

This is how it should work.

We should see God's image in how our spouse is wired to truly value the difference.

There's nothing inherently better in our traits, theirs are just as valuable.

And just as important for some of us, we see God's image in how we are wired.

There's nothing inherently better in our spouses' traits.

We cannot expect our spouses to value our strengths unless we value them first.

And so it takes both.

So we can say, I get the need to have fun as a family, but we have to learn to live on a budget.

God gave me that desire.

It's important.

And we can say, I know we need to live on a budget, but let's find some inexpensive ways to have fun and get away as a family.

God gave me that desire.

It's important.

See, we are created in his image.

Those two differences, when understood and valued, don't make us weak.

They don't divide us.

But as a team, they make us strong.

They make us super strong.

And it's just a small part of moving our relationship to the tree of life.

No more knowledge of good and evil.

The way I'm wired is good.

The way you're wired is evil.

Understanding that God wired us all.

And he wired us all differently.

Value our differences.

It's important in all our relationships.

In our business relationships.

I'm in accounting.

I don't want to have a knowledge of good and evil perspective at work.

Accounting good, sales evil.

Those people in sales, they're always trying to bend the rules.

No, at the tree of life, we understand that the sales team drives the revenue.

Gives us all jobs, makes us strong as a company.

If I'm in sales, I don't view the accounting department from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

Sales is good, accounting and evil.

Why?

They're just a sales prevention unit over there.

No, they keep us in business and legal and profitable and cut our checks.

If it wasn't for accounting, I wouldn't have a sales job.

See, we appreciate each other and we thank each other and we value each other's unique strengths and gifts.

And our workplace becomes more positive and fun.

And God blesses our work because we are thinking like Him.

We're on board with Him, valuing how He created ourselves, valuing how He created others.

Different, but in His image.

You know, when you lead a company, it's not looking at how people are wired as good or evil.

It's understanding everyone's wired different and you're looking at alignment.

You want the people with certain God-given traits in the roles that are best fitted for those traits.

You want people's jobs to match their responsibilities.

You know, students.

It's good to have friends where you share the same interests, especially if that interest is God.

It is also good to enjoy and value differences.

To have friends, people you enjoy, people you like that are wired completely different.

You'll be happier, you'll be more successful and well-rounded yourself.

You know, viewing life from the tree of life.

Parents.

You know, you might love cars, and God gives you a child that's a musician.

You love art, God may give you a child who is an athlete.

We need to see the wonder in that.

See the wonder in all of God's creation.

For our marriages, I have some great news.

Opposites attract.

That makes things interesting, extremely frustrating.

But thank God for our differences.

It is one of the greatest sources of strength.

Value how God created you.

You are uniquely and wonderfully made.

Value how God created others.

They are uniquely and wonderfully made.

Genesis 1.27.

So God created human beings in his own image.

In the image of God, he created them.

As Susan and I started appreciating each other's traits, you know, over time our conflicts got, our conflicts got so much calmer.

Even if we don't agree, you know, I'm looking for the truth in her perspective.

I know that God wired her the way she is, and so I'm looking to see what I need to know from her perspective.

I know he put us together for a reason.

One unexpected benefit is that we just don't disagree near as often.

It's kind of a weird, uh a weird outcome from appreciating each other's differences is that as we appreciate each other's differences, we actually begin to absorb some of those strengths ourselves.

Because instead of putting them down and resisting them, we're saying, hey, that's valuable, that's important.

I can see that.

And so individually, we each become more well-rounded over time.

And now, uh more often than not, we're on the same page.

And one of the ways that we look for God's direction in our lives is agreement.

When he brings us both uniquely created into agreement in a single direction.

It starts by living at the tree of life.

That is how God intended it.

The way it was before the fall.

It wasn't the forbidden fruit, it was the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

And so we go back to the tree of life.

We ask God to be our life, we ask God to fill us, and in our relationships, we throw away the scorecard.

We just throw away the scorecard.

No more, this is good, this is evil, this is good, this is evil.

We live life.

Together, we live life and adventure.

Lifelong friends, uniquely and wonderfully made, different strengths, different weaknesses.

Strong, super strong together.

Strong because of our differences.

It's a change in perspective, but it is God's perspective.

It's God's perspective.

Next week we'll talk about another change in perspective.

You know, I talked about a couple things that have really impacted Susan and I's relationship.

This is one, just how we view each other.

Um man, I can almost remember the day when I realized, wow, God just made her different.

It just changed my view of everything.

It was a huge day in our relationship.

And even more so, her with me.

And so next week we'll talk about another huge thing in our relationship.

Living at the tree of life.

It's true of our whole lives, but it's especially true in our relationships.

No more scorecard, no more everything's good, everything's evil.

Life.

Jesus came to give us life, life abundantly together.

In a minute, we'll pray and ask God to help us live out our relationships at the tree of life.

You know, the tree of life is God Himself.

He is life.

The most important thing that we can do is stay connected with Him.

Ask Him to fill us.

Ask Him to satisfy us.

Ask Him to change us from the inside out.

You know, that's what's going to happen in our relationships.

Is we think it's this dynamic of us together.

But what happens is God gets a hold of us individually.

And he changes us individually, and we see each other differently, and we see God differently, and we see ourselves differently.

And it dramatically affects our relationship.

You know, connecting with God is easy.

It's why he sent Jesus.

We just have to turn to him in our own way.

Say, I need you.

You know, I've done it my way.

It hasn't worked.

I need you.

I need to be connected with my Father who created me.

I need you.

I need your source of life.

I need you to fill me with your spirit.

I need you to give me wisdom.

I need you to help me make the right decisions.

I need you to help me see other people the way that you see them.

See myself the way that you see me.

I need you.

And so we just turn to Jesus.

It's why he came.

And then he kind of takes over from there.

He fills us with his spirit.

He gives us the strength.

He helps us.

He connects us with people to help us.

He gives us his word.

Which teaches us and shows us.

It's just simple.

We just have to turn to him.

And in doing so, it's a step back to the tree of life.

Living life in a relationship with Him.

Him as the source.

Him as our life.

So let's uh let's pray and ask God to help us all live at the Tree of Life.

Father, we just praise you.

We thank you for being such a good God.

We we thank you for creating us all uniquely, weirdly, wonderfully.

Praise you for that.

How you put us together so different, but so strong together.

God, help us to see each other the way you see each other.

Help us to see ourselves the way you see us.

God, fill us with your life.

Fill us with your love.

Fill us with your spirit.

Help us not to see life.

Cynically and critically.

This is good.

This is evil.

Help us to see you, to see your life in everything, to see your life in every one.

We ask you, God, to help all of our relationships.

Help us as kids with our parents.

Help us at work.

Help us as friends.

And God, help our marriages.

Recreate them in your image.

And we just praise you and we thank you and we trust you in Jesus.

It's in one your wonderful name that we pray.

Amen.