What is Love? by Kenn Kington

If you happen to be visiting uh for the first time or haven't seen Steve, he is uh just slightly older and far more attractive than I'll ever be.

And uh I did get to talk to him as well, and he said his wing is healing well, and I just said, Well, dude, in in the two weeks that you're off, you know, what do you want me to share?

And we talked through that.

And he says, you know what, there's this buzz going around that the Wednesday night singles thing that you're doing is just like just so fun and cool and great.

And he says, Is there any?

Yes, it is.

If you're single, that was awesome.

We've got one more week that we're gonna be doing, but he says, Is there any way that you can like share some of that truth and and meld it?

And I said, Absolutely.

And I'd be glad to do that.

So we're gonna do a little bit of an overview because truth be told, God created us for relationships, a relationship with him and a relationship with others.

That's the way he created us.

And what a lot of people don't realize is that I I did, I wrote a book called Searching for a Superman, Watching for a Wonder Woman, prepare to find the love you desire.

And uh it was one of the, voted one of the top ten books for singles in the entire country a few years ago.

And what was amazing to me, though, was the number of couples that would come up and say, you know what, I work with singles or whatever, and I read your book, there's so much great stuff in there for couples, and I'm like, you're right, because it never changes.

The truth never changes.

And we have to different ways of applying the truth, but it's still the truth.

And uh a couple years after that, when that book hit, they said, Is there any way you can do a couples version?

And so there's a book for couples, reworked, same truth, applicable towards couples, called Rediscovering Super Husband and Wonder Wife.

And uh it is just and I tell people all the time, no matter you've been married for for five months or five decades, it's strong enough to help any couple where we are, and thin enough for any man.

So it's it's awesome.

And the the truth be told, the the truth doesn't change.

The truth doesn't change, but our need and our application for it does.

And and here's the the setting I want you and I to find ourselves in this morning.

If you are single and you're thinking, you know what, either I'm in a relationship, want to know if this is the right one, or if you're single, thinking, you know what, I haven't had a date since you know the first Bush was president, and I'd really like one.

And that setting of a desire for relationship.

That's a normal desire.

If you're married and you've been married for, let's say, years, and you're just thinking, you know what, I I love being married, but you know, I if I were really honest, in the quietness of my heart, my marriage is good, but it's not where I know it could be or should be, then this truth is for us.

I've been married 15 years, and I still, I still on a regular basis go back to these truths, and I say, God, help me not only learn them but apply them afresh and anew.

And I'll tell you this also.

Having read both books and seeing great success, I can also tell you I am not an expert on relationships.

At least once every year, my wife will walk in with my book and she will throw it at me.

And she will say, Maybe you should read your own book.

So, realize that I'm not an expert, but I realize that God's truth is so good.

So I want us to take a glimpse of kind of what we've been looking at on Wednesday nights in such a way that we can grab this afresh and anew, because it's not unlike, it's not unlike a story I read this past week about a gentleman named Josh.

Josh walked into the Metro DC rail station, and he opened a case and he pulled out a violin and he began to play.

And for an hour he played, and it was an amazing piece, but people walked by, which was normal, and it was kind of a social experiment.

And the Washington Post had sent people to watch people watch.

Twenty people ended up throwing some kind of money into his case during that hour, totaled$32.

Six people during that hour actually stopped long enough to listen to at least a portion of what he was playing.

But thousands walked by without even paying even a token notice of Josh.

Two days before, Josh had sold out a concert in DC at a hundred dollars a ticket.

You could not get a ticket to the concert.

And he played the exact same piece, which was an incredibly difficult, unbelievably intricate piece.

And on top of that, the violin he was playing in the DC train station was an original of the Stradivarius, worth$3.5 million.

And people just walked by.

Two days before they paid$100 minimum a seat just to hear what he played for free, and he made$32.

And it was the exact same piece.

Why is that?

I would bid to you and I that we are busy.

And we are busy in our regular day lives so much that we miss that which is beautiful and precious and priceless too often.

And the love and the relationships that we already have too often we take for granted because we are busy.

And I am busy.

I know this.

Today I woke up in Akron, Ohio from a great show last night.

I got up at four o'clock and I flew here, and I just, I've got to learn how to sleep faster.

I just, man, I just need to learn that because we are busy, and I'll leave here and I will go to one of my son's first basketball games, and it's exciting, and it's wonderful to know we have that relationship.

And I have, I love being married, and I learned so much from being single, but I love what God taught me in that time to prepare me to be teachable during marriage.

With that in mind, I want us to just ask a simple question.

What is love?

And that's kind of the jumping-off point.

What is love?

And truth be told, if we will really look at scripture, we'll take the time to say, okay, God, how do you define love?

How would God define love?

And I would even challenge you and myself to say, okay, how is it that I expect to find it, enjoy it, and experience it if I don't even know what I'm looking for?

And I think it's critically important that we take the time to define what love really is.

And we did that for an entire week during the series.

I want to give you that definition and the background I have for that definition, but I want to challenge you to come up with the definition.

If you're married, I want to specifically challenge you and your spouse to say, hey, this is what love is.

And be on the same page.

Because by doing that, we lose some unrealistic expectations that can cloud what love really is.

In the series, we define love simply this way by six key words, is that love is a complete commitment.

Complete commitment.

That's the first two words.

And that goes so far against where our society is.

If you look for a definition in our society, whether it's in TV or movies or magazines or whatever, love has something to do with romance, something to do with sex, and a lot to do with feelings.

I feel like I'm in love.

I feel like I'm drawn away.

I feel, I feel, I feel, I feel.

But truth be told, feelings are a part of love, but they are not love.

They are an aspect of love, but not the key of love.

Truth be told, the complete commitment part of love.

And there's a wonderful verse in John chapter 15, verse 13.

John 15:13

It says, Greater love has no one than this, that a man lay down his life for his friend.

The ultimate complete commitment.

That's what love is.

It's a commitment.

But that goes against our society.

We live in the instant gratification society.

I want what I want, what I want, how I want it right now.

But love doesn't work that way.

Oh, attraction works that way at times.

And I, the first time I saw my wife, I was like, wow, blown away and totally encouraged.

But truth be told, love does not work that way.

There's another step of this, and I love this romance idea.

And I gotta tell you real quick, we were watching a ball game a couple weeks ago, and my middle son was sitting there with me in a I don't know if you watch uh pro football or not.

I do on Sundays, I love it.

And uh they occasionally play commercials that are not quite appropriate.

I don't know if you notice that or not.

And one of those came on, and there's this couple just making out, and my 11-year-old son, who has now proven that genetically he's tied to my wife, he just goes, Oh, good grief! Get a roof.

It's like, get a roof.

For those of you who don't know, my wife has this condition where she mixes up phrases all the time.

And it's something that endears me to my wife, but I'm just like, yep, you're your mother's son.

That's great.

But the idea of romance, even my sons in their pre-adolescent and adolescent stage, realize it's it's not about that.

That is a byproduct, a wonderful aspect of love, but that's not what love is, the core of love.

Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane, about to perform the greatest act of love, laying down his life for the forgiveness of all sin, did not feel like doing it.

If you look in Matthew 22 and just make that note, he says, Father, if there's any way that this cup can pass by, let it be.

But not my will, but yours be done.

He was completely committed to saying, you know what, I'm ready to lay down my life.

And then the greatest act of love, and not only is it a complete commitment, but it's a complete commitment to getting real.

Getting real.

In Matthew 22, verses 37 through 39, it says this Jesus replied, Love the Lord with your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind.

Matthew 22:37–39

This is the greatest commandment.

And the second is like it, love your neighbor as yourself.

It's completely getting real with God, being completely real and genuine with God.

And once we get to that point where totally open and we're just totally honest, then we have the freedom to be completely real with one another.

It's one of the greatest joys of relationships.

When you have best friends that you've gone around forever, you can rib each other at levels that you can't with other people.

And you just get to have fun, and you have nicknames that are embarrassing, and there's a story behind them, and they're just great.

When you're married, you get to that real level, and that's where Heather and I are, where we just get to be honest.

And I and I love this about her and I, that we're at the point where you know what?

There's nothing wrong with it.

But when you do that, it's irritating.

And you can say those things.

And I know from her that when I floss my teeth, it just bugs the snot out of her.

So, unless I'm trying to get at her, I make sure I do that at a time when she's not around.

Inversely, when she takes her hair and just twirls and twirls and twirls and twirls and twirls, I just want to take a pair of scissors and cut that strand off and just go, stop.

She says, and there's where we are.

She goes, Why does that bother you?

I'm like, I don't know.

And there's nothing wrong with it.

It just bugs me at certain times.

And it's just one of those pieces where Larry.

Now we're the great part in our relationship, also to where we get to be honest.

And I loved her.

I was doing a radio interview, and this guy he says, Let me ask you some questions.

One of the questions was, is if your wife could change one thing about you, what would it be?

And I said, That is a great question.

I said, I've got that answer right here.

My wife loves me.

She has shown me over and over and told me that she finds me attractive and that I'm handsome and that she loves me, but she hates my feet.

And I'm like, okay.

And I, to her credit, I have weird feet.

I've got a muscle that's on the side that most people don't have, and it's just they're weird.

To her, they're ugly.

She goes, I love you, just keep your feet covered.

I'm like, okay.

And I there's a certain time in a relationship.

Quick show of hands.

How many of you have been married for more than 10 years?

Quick show of hands.

Okay, great.

You're probably in this phase where you have reciprocal compliments.

Like, oh, I love you, I love you too.

Oh, I love your hair, well, I love your hair.

And just back and forth, and you do that thing.

Well, one night we're laying in bed, and I just had the perfect storm of opportunity.

Heather had a long day.

We're gonna sit down and do what couples do in bed at night, watch TV.

And we're sitting there, I said, Hey, you've had a long day.

Do you want me to rub your shoulders or your feet?

She goes, Oh, my feet are killing me.

Would you rub my feet?

I'm like, absolutely, watch the TV.

And inversely, I think my wife's feet are very beautiful, and she just got a pedicure and so I'm rubbing her feet, and I said, You know what?

How's your day?

She said, Good.

I'm like, you have beautiful feet.

I love your feet.

To which she went, Well, uh.

And here's the greatest response.

She goes, I I love that you have feet.

Yes.

It's about getting real.

It's about being honest and having the freedom to work through those differences.

Our society tells us that if you are truly in love, there is no conflict.

There are no preferences.

You never irritate each other.

Truth be told, those are opportunities for us to say, hey, I love this about you.

You're unique, but let's just be honest.

And man, there's something wonderful about that area of honesty.

Not only with each other, but first and foremost with God, where we can love him with all our hearts and all our soul and all our mind, and saying, God, here's the real me.

What I love about this group of believers called His hands is there is a genuineness here and an openness.

There are very few facades.

You are sitting right now, no matter where you are, around some people that have been through life in its trenches and in the ditches, and life that hasn't been good, and mistakes that have been made, and the deliverance and a reality that God is bigger than anything that we can do, any mistakes we make.

And it's it's about being real.

And until we get to that point, we have an experienced love.

And then another one I would say this that love is a complete commitment to getting real, but also giving unconditionally.

Probably one of the most quoted verses in scripture is John 3.16.

And it was that ninth word in John 3.16 that jumped off the page as I was coming up with this dish, this definition.

It said, For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

The greatest part of love is giving and giving unconditionally.

And we talk about in our series that sometimes we give wholeheartedly with everything we have, but we still expect something in return.

But the purest of love is giving unconditionally.

And I gotta tell you, there's just one opportunity that I could not pass up.

As I walked in, I looked at the stars out there, and what an unbelievably great, simple opportunity to show unconditional love.

A way to show and meet a need and a desire in somebody's life with nothing in return.

I picked up one for my daughter, and they they've got these different pieces.

If you grab one out there on your way out, make sure you fill out the stuff because you'll get one of these with all the details and sizes and all kinds of stuff.

But what an incredible way to give unconditionally.

And I love doing that for my kids and my family.

And once a month at least, I try to do something very special with each of my kids.

And several times during the month, we play beauty shop.

My daughter is seven, and she does her bath or shower, and then we play beauty shop where we brush her hair and I do her hair, and then I we sit down and I do her nails, her finger and toenails, and we watch funny videos, and we call it Beauty Shop Night.

And I'll never forget one because she she's teaching me now.

Now she's getting that age where she's teaching me.

And I don't know if you've got children that are little girls, they are different.

And this is her world, and she merely allows me to live in it.

As long as I keep that straight, we're okay.

She said, ow, daddy, ow, ow, daddy, be gentle, daddy, be gentle.

And I'm trying, she goes, ow! I'm like, I'm so sorry.

She goes, Dad, be careful.

My hair is very diligent.

Okay.

But I wouldn't trade those times.

It's about being real and giving unconditionally and saying, hey, I just want to be with you.

We looked at defining love, but we also looked at clarifying love.

Clarifying what love is and how it works.

And if I could give you a crash course in what we spent about 40 minutes looking over is the fact that there is a fundamental need in our hearts for intimacy.

And when I say intimacy, I mean to know and be known on the most fundamental level.

There is a vacuum in our heart that craves intimacy.

There's also a supplemental need that we have, and that is to share love with one another.

Now here comes the problem.

With this fundamental need, too often we take supplemental sources, relationships with others, and try to meet that fundamental need.

And it is never enough.

Because God never intended you and I to meet that fundamental need in one another.

And some of the greatest tragedies in marriages is when we look to a spouse to meet our fundamental need for security or significance.

Now God will use us in one another's lives, but fundamentally, foundationally, that comes from Him alone.

In Matthew 6.33, it puts it very simply.

In other words, we've got to get that first one settled first.

In John chapter 14, 6, he puts it very simply as well.

John 14 · chapter mention

He says, Jesus answered, I am the way and the truth and life.

No one comes to the Father except through me.

And he says that if you want to have life full and abundant, it's from me, not from somebody else.

But the problem is, is we often look other places for that fulfillment of that fundamental need when God Himself is the only one who can fill it.

God uses absolutes that you and I can't use.

That you and I don't have.

In Hebrews chapter 13, 5, he says, I will never leave you.

Hebrews 13 · chapter mention

In Matthew chapter 28, he says, I am with you always.

Matthew 28 · chapter mention

We can't use those absolutes.

I love my wife.

I would die for her today.

But I can't always be with her.

I can't never leave her.

I'm going to be away.

We can't compete with God in that way, and we weren't meant to.

I love this concept because here's what happens.

And I feel bad for those who never get to that understanding of that need.

Whether it is through a tragedy of trying to fill that fundamental need with relationships or anything else you want to put into that category, drugs or sex or rock and roll, whatever, in that category, it numbs us to feel like, oh, okay, I'm okay.

And then the numbness wears off and it's never enough.

And then we try more and more and more, and different and more, and it never fills that.

Because it's only till God fills it that we are full.

That's one tragedy of we can hit rock bottom and realize there's nothing left to put in.

The black hole continues to get bigger.

I'll never be full, and God alone can fill it.

The other extreme is those who have experienced great success and climb the ladder and continue to climb, and they find that every rung they get up is what they thought was going to be that rung, the answer, that filling.

And it's never enough.

No matter how high they climb, it's never enough.

There's never enough fame, there's never enough money, there's never enough anything to fill it.

And if that were true, then we then Hollywood would be the most fulfilled place on the planet.

And yet it is one of the most depraved places on the planet.

Because it can't be enough.

So whether it's rock bottom or the top of the ladder, both find emptiness.

And only God can fill that emptiness.

And God alone can fill it.

But there's those supplemental sources that God will use.

One of the most incredible stories I've heard, I heard about a month and a half ago.

Before I share it with you, though, you've got to feel this to get it.

So to feel it, I want you to remember right now where were you when you were ten years old?

Where were you when you were ten?

Go back there.

Mentally, go to the place, go to the time, go to the family situation.

Where were you when you were ten?

Now, I I remember vividly ten.

I remember playing baseball.

I remember the elementary school that I went to.

I remember the car that my parents drove.

I remember that time.

Now I want you to think this.

I want to tell you the story of Jackson.

I want you to think of a little boy who's 10, the exact place that you were at 10.

But his mother has died.

And his father has been killed in a civil war.

And it's during our time.

It's not in this country, it's in a country in Africa called Liberia.

He has no parents.

Imagine you being 10 and having no parents.

Now I want you to imagine living in his world.

He lives in a very small orphanage.

And he wakes up every day.

I want you to think about when you woke up at 10 years old.

What did you do?

I had cereal.

He has no breakfast.

And he has to put on the very tattered set of clothing that he has.

And he has to walk to school with his other friends.

And at school, he will be made fun of because of his clothes.

And it's obvious that he does not fit in.

Imagine how that feels.

Imagine having to walk to school where you went to school.

Imagine having to walk.

But multiply that.

Because imagine having to walk around, and on your way to school, there will be dead bodies from the Civil War that is going on all around you.

And you have to walk around them and over them to get to school.

And then at school, at school you're made fun of, but you endure it with your few friends and you head back to the orphanage.

And that afternoon, after school, is going to be the one time you get to eat that day.

The one time.

But before that, you have a church meeting, a Bible study.

And Jackson was sitting there.

And as he sat there, before they could eat, they would sing and they would have a Bible lesson, and then the leader would say, What are you thankful for?

And she picked on Jackson.

Jackson, stand up.

What are you thankful for?

What would you say?

Put yourself in Jackson's shoes.

What would you say?

As I put myself in his shoes, I got nothing.

I got nothing.

But Jackson just chose.

The only thing he had.

He decided to sing.

And he sang to God.

In the broken, empty bottom of the bottom, he sang.

Because he knew that if he didn't share something, that he would get basically a spanking.

And he sang.

And that seemed to appease the leader.

And they got to eat.

The next day, same routine, back at the place, waiting to eat.

She called on one of Jackson's friends.

What are you thankful for?

And he he too had trouble thinking of anything, so he just stood up and he began to sing.

And he sang, and Jackson stood up and sang the song with him.

And this would be a pattern over several days to where they realized these boys could sing.

It was taking that bottom, turning to the one entity, that one fundamental need meter, and saying, God, you're all I have.

Literally.

But see, God hears those and he knows those.

That little orphanage formed a choir and they sang in the main city of Liberia, and the head of the country said, This is a great example of what can happen that is good.

And these boys went on tour, and then they went on an international tour to be able to raise some funds for it.

And they went to Charlotte, North Carolina, and there was a collision.

A collision of hearts and love because God hears.

A very normal suburban couple.

She helps with the women's ministry.

They have three young daughters, and he runs a restaurant.

And as they sat there in this boy's choir sang, God nudged her heart in a very clear and distinct way.

And he said, Lisa, two of those boys are your sons.

And she said, on the way home, she couldn't help.

How do I tell my husband?

We have three little girls.

We have no time.

We have no time right now.

We don't have the budget.

We don't have God, but but but God and God said, They're yours.

I'll take care of it.

And Lisa took a step of faith.

And she realized that the fundamental meter of our hearts was speaking to her heart.

And she realized that you know what?

God, that was very clear.

And God clarified what it meant to her.

She took a step, they went through the process.

And not only did she adopt two of those boys, one of those was Jackson, but that she shared that story with several others, and word spread, and the ripple effect of that was that 45 of those little boys from that orphanage now have homes because of love.

And a little boy who cried out with the one thing he had was just, God, you're all I have.

And God hears that.

That clarified for my heart what it really means because not only do we need to define love and clarify love, we need to become love.

We need to become love.

Quick show of hands.

How many of you have ever in your life been to a wedding?

Raise your hand.

Okay.

Chances are, if you've been to a wedding, you have heard 1 Corinthians 13.

Verses 4 through 7, because 1 Corinthians 13 is the what chapter?

The love chapter.

It's the love chapter.

We love love.

And we hear about love, and love is lovely.

And we say we want love.

And we desire love.

And truth be told, if we were honest today, and we're not, I'm not going to ask you to share with anybody, but you would probably be honest with me and say, you know what, there's been times where I wish I had more love.

Some of us would be even so honest with ourselves as I wish my spouse were more loving.

Some of us would say, you know what, I just wish I had that type of love.

We want love, and we say we want love, and we say we desire love, and we really crave love, but then here's the question.

Every one of us has just about heard that love chapter.

Let me ask you a question.

How many qualities of love are mentioned in 1 Corinthians 13?

Those of you, ah no, no, no, don't say.

She's been in the group.

There are fifteen qualities of love mentioned.

The question I have is that we know where it is, we know what's written, we know what it says, we even know a few of them, but how many of us are actively becoming that?

I share this statistic in the study, and this next week we're setting it up because I said, you know what?

Knowing about it, defining it, clarifying it is all wonderful and great, but until these truths, we know they are true, but are they true of you?

That's where the transition happens.

We know where love is, but men and women, I would say to us in a marriage, when was the last time I actively took a truth and applied it in my marriage, no matter how small that is?

I begin to take these words one at a time.

Love is patient.

Live that for a day.

What does that mean?

And let it just sit in my heart and my mind and act on it.

Love is kind.

What does that look like?

And I would take them one a day and I would say, you know what?

God, I want you to teach me this.

I share with singles this.

On the radio in February, I do a bunch of radio interviews.

They go, Ken, okay, where do we find love?

Ken, where is it found?

Where do you find that special someone?

And I said, It's easy.

You start in the bathroom, in the mirror.

Because the greatest tragedy is not that you won't find that special someone.

The greatest tragedy is that you will find that special someone and you will not be ready to be found.

That's the greatest tragedy.

Within a marriage, I hear couples all the time going, you know, he just doesn't love me, you know, she doesn't show me love.

That's the greatest part about love.

You don't need them to.

It's up to us.

And if I will take these qualities and I will begin to live them, here's the deal.

I tell people this all the time.

If everybody's looking for love and craving and wanting love, and I take the time to become love, then everybody's looking for me.

And it works.

And truth be told, if I begin to show it and give it and live it and overwhelm others with it, they will crave more of it because that is the way Jesus designed it.

We have to remove the romance.

We also hear in weddings all the time.

Ruth chapter 1, verse 16.

Ruth 1:16

Where you go, I will go.

Where you lay, I will lay.

Your people will be my people.

And it sounds so good until you read the story and realize she's talking to her mother-in-law.

She's not talking to her husband.

Takes all the romance right out of it.

It's about a commitment to something bigger than my feelings.

It's a commitment to saying, you know what, I'm committed.

I'm committed to being totally real, and I'm going to love you whether you love me back or not.

And if you read that story in Ruth, you'll see that her mother-in-law was bitter and saying, Leave me alone, stay here.

And yet she was committed to saying, I'm going to live this love out in front of you.

Truth be told, if you and I were honest, we could take these qualities of love in 1 Corinthians 13 and we could start living one every day.

And it wouldn't feel very big.

Just little bits here and there, but here's something happens.

It changes us.

And there's a ripple effect that happens to others.

I'll never forget one of the first times I took the word kindness and I was at lunch with some buddies, and I looked up that word kindness, love is patient, love is kind.

I'm like, good.

I'm a basically kind person, this is good, but that word kind is different.

That word kind means to take a negative prompt and respond in a loving way.

That's what the word kind means.

And I thought, okay, God, help me lead this, live this today.

And we went to lunch with some buddies of mine, and we sat down, and the waitress was not happy.

And she came by the table finally said, uh, after 10 minutes, hey, could you get our waitress?

She goes, I'm your waitress, I'll be back in a minute.

And I thought, maybe this is the negative prompt.

And she came back and she was not happy, and she she said, Do you guys need anything else?

And we're like, We haven't even ordered yet.

She goes, Oh.

She goes against this menu.

She goes, What can I get you to drink?

And she came back a few minutes later and gave us our drinks.

And she goes, Are you guys ready?

I was just like, Yeah.

And we ordered our food, and she came back and just kind of slung the plates at us.

And it was a decently nice place, too.

And as she had this attitude, the the guys were just like, She doesn't understand what it means to be a waitress.

You'd be nice, you can get a tip, and they're just going just like I would have joined in.

But it was my kindness day, and I thought, God, this is the negative prompt.

She forgot something.

One of the guys said, Uh, yeah, I hate to do it, but can I have some silverware?

She's like, and she goes and gets the silverware.

And I saw her name tag.

I said, Hey, um, one last thing, and she's like, Yes.

And I said, I can tell you are having a rough day.

And I want you to know that we are good.

Thank you for getting us everything.

We will be the biggest tip you have this week.

And you don't have to come back to our table anymore.

Because I've been there.

I know what that's like.

And she just kind of looked at me odd and just went, okay.

And she walked off.

And I literally thought, well, that wasn't exactly what I expected, but okay.

See, because when we live love, we don't get the response we're expecting all the time.

She came back about 15 minutes later.

She goes, You guys need any more drinks or anything?

And I said, No, no, seriously.

We're good.

One of my buddies was like, I'm out of drink.

And she said, I just, is there anything else I can get you?

I'm just, and then she just unloaded.

She said, You know what?

I'm a single mom, and my car broke down, and my child is sick, and my babysitter, and she just unloaded.

And I said, I am so sorry.

I said, We really are going to be your biggest tip.

Do you mind if we pray for you?

And she said, No, please do.

And we prayed for her.

I would have missed that if I was not on the day of kindness.

And those those opportunities are around us.

Those opportunities are at our houses and in our homes.

And I don't know if I've shared this before, but I promise I will share it again multiple times, but it's becoming my, it is becoming my mantra.

It's becoming my life statement that I'm realizing over and over, and here it is.

The smallest action is greater than the grandest intention.

And when you and I, within our love, realize, okay, I'm going to define it, and God, I'm going to let you clarify it, and then, Lord, I want to become this.

We start to realize it's not the big grandioso huge anniversary dinners.

It's the little pieces over time.

It's not the finding that special someone, it's living out the truth on a daily basis, little by little.

And the proof is in the pudding, in the singles book, there is a small group guide.

You can do it one-on-one with a friend.

And what it is, it's every day.

You have to read a verse and you have to do something with that every day for 10 weeks.

There's a metamorphosis that takes place.

Over 80% of the singles that complete that 10-week guide are married within two years.

It's a transformation.

Equally, in the couple's book, there's a part called the reconnection questions.

They're just fun questions to talk over.

Some are fun, some are funny, some are just truth.

What'd you think about that?

And what I get emails and letters from people from all over the country that say that, my favorite was this one couple out in Arizona.

They said, We got your book, we read that, just had to let you know.

We went on our date night.

We have small children, we drove home and we were going through those questions.

He said, We sat in our driveway for an hour and 15 minutes, the babysitters inside, and we just we talked like we have not talked in years.

And it was so fun and refreshing because it's not in the knowing, it's in the doing that makes the biggest difference.

This morning I would encourage us in twofold.

One would be if you're here this morning, and it appears like most of you are, if you're here this morning and you've never, and man, just you that idea of that fundamental need and putting things in and it's never full, and you've never been full and just at peace and content, God is the only one that can fill that.

And I would just implore you, invite God in.

Thank him for what Jesus did on the cross.

He forgave everything we have or ever will do wrong.

And when we invite him in, he forgives that.

And then he begins to guide us and change us from the inside out.

It's the greatest decision I've ever made.

But then, secondly, I would challenge us to know God to take a fresh look and a fresh step and go, God, I either agree with that definition or I'd add something to it, but God clarified in my heart, and God, I'm gonna stop looking to others to meet my fundamental need.

I want to thank you that I have friends to be a supplemental source.

But I'm gonna let you start meeting that, and God specifically help me start becoming the love that you made me to be.

And we can't do that until we let him love us that way.

Every day I would begin to pray, God, love is patient.

Oh, God, I stink at patience.

And then God would whisper in my ear, Ken, you gotta understand, before you can be it, you have to experience it.

I am ultimately patient with you.

And kindness.

Ken, do you realize I know it's hard to show love when negative is shown to you?

I'm not gonna bring up any points, Ken, but you've been very negative to me several times.

And I always respond with love.

Always.

When we let him love us the way he does, then it's much easier to have the power to live others.

That's what we've been going over.

I want to close in a word of prayer, if you will, and I can't wait till next week to go over some of the more of what love really is.

Let's pray.

Father, thank you for this morning.

Thank you for your truth that it shows us what love really is.

No matter where we are relationally, we can we can experience that love when we turn to you.

Every moment we turn to you, you're right there, fully loaded, ready to blow us away.

Uncomprehendable love that only you have.

And it really is only through your precious Son Jesus and the filling of your spirit that guides us and gives us strength.

And we thank you for it.

Amen.

Can't wait to see you guys next week.

God bless you.