Best Relationships EVER by Kenn Kington

We've got Ken Kingtons here this morning again with us.

Most of uh most of us know uh Ken.

He is uh his career, he's a professional stand-up comedian.

He's on XM and different uh cable comedy uh programs, but mostly he's just a man who loves God and and his family.

He wrote a book on relationships, specifically as they apply to singles about 10 years ago that became a very popular book, and he's been uh uh going through that on Wednesday nights here.

The last one was uh was last Wednesday night.

So last week and this week, he's sharing a couple of the big ideas um from that that apply to all of us, our relationships.

And so uh please welcome our friend Kent Kington.

Perfection.

Awesome, dude.

Wow.

Well it is it is an absolute honor to get to pinch hit for Steve when uh when he decides to do crazy things like get his arm fixed and stuff like that.

But it is uh it's it's great to be here.

I I open different ways, but this morning I gotta just encourage you, if you're relatively new to his hands, is when when Steve talks about writing your prayer requests, that there are people over here during the service that will pray with you, that is not just something else we do.

That is what we are.

In the sense of what's important to you, what's on your mind, is on God's heart.

And that that opportunity to write that down or have somebody pray with you, it's a step for us to connect to understand why or how or when or where or any of the questions we have of God wanting to engage us on an individual personal basis.

Take advantage of that.

It's amazing.

Take advantage of the opportunities.

There's something that happens when we connect with what God is doing, and the opportunities that Steve shared this morning is a great example of that.

You may think, you know what?

Well, you know, I can put up trees.

I mean, but what good does that do?

It's huge.

It's beyond the surface cool what will happen when you do that.

It's the the opportunities and the effect it has on us beyond the simple act.

There's several people that are getting involved with the Christmas angel, which is just take a star for a child or maybe a family that has a child that maybe not have Christmas if we don't step up.

And I love being a part of that, but what I didn't realize was the other effect it would have.

Because I took one of those stars last week and I went home, and I didn't realize the gift I was giving was not just for a little girl who is in second grade that I have not met and probably never will in her family.

But the gift I didn't expect was the gift I was giving my wife.

How I missed it, I don't know.

But truth be told, when you go to, and and most women are probably swaying, probably not all, but a lot of women are.

When you go to a woman, you go, hey, here is a list, here is money, go shopping.

It turns out she digs that.

So my wife just went crazy and and was just giddy excited.

Yesterday she goes, oh my gosh, I got to go to this door and this door and this door, and she just got to go and do and be what she is.

And that was another level of joy that I experienced getting to give what I thought was going to be one gift turns out to be two, and it really draws the focus in on what's really important, and that we can all be a part of what God is doing by just stepping up with what we can do.

And I love that.

Relationally speaking, I love what we've been able to do the last 10 weeks on Wednesday nights for singles.

I did write a book called Searching for a Superman, Watching for a Wonder Woman.

Prepare to find the love you desire.

And we've gone through that, and we had a great Q ⁇ A time this past week of just kind of doing a recap.

And I do want to share some of those big ideas because what I've learned is, relationally speaking, whether we're single, whether we're married, whether whatever station we are, the truths never change.

And the truth be told, the bottom line in relationships, if I want to experience the best relationship ever, is not going to be from out there coming towards me, finding what I think I desire, but becoming who I was meant to be.

And that doesn't change when I get married.

It doesn't, and for those of you who might be single, let me just maybe burst a bubble for you.

When you stand up at an altar and a guy with a robe says some words and you put on rings and you kiss the girl, you don't instantaneously go, Wow, I am now perfect.

It doesn't happen that way.

And there's the honeymoon, so you are perfect for about three days, and then something happens where you realize that we are not perfect people, but we are perfect for each other, and you work out that process.

But the the tragedy happens that if we really believe that, so that we really believe that something is done at that point.

It's really just a new beginning.

And what I want to look at this morning and want to share this morning is our approach, and I'm gonna share some of the big truths we've we've learned and recap what we've been talking about on Wednesdays, but I'm gonna draw it to a point where if you haven't been there, or if you are married like I am, how that really applies.

Our approach to relationships is critical.

Because, truth be told, we have to decide how we're gonna approach and how we're gonna focus on these relationships.

I have a friend who worked for the U.S.

Treasury, and he was telling me about the making of money.

Literally, not how do we earn it, but how do we physically make the money.

And I just said what I thought was a pretty good question.

I said, Well, how do you how do you study counterfeiting?

And he says, that's easy.

And I'm like, I'm expecting some insider trick on how do you tell if something's counterfeit.

He says, we do zero training, studying, counterfeiting.

And I'm like, well, then how do you know?

And he says, we are so intricate.

We study and we look at the paper, types the ink, types, the intricacies of the plate.

We study everything that is genuine to the point where we know every single dot of what is real.

And when we see something counterfeit, it is so obvious to us because we know what is real.

And I thought, wow.

Truth be told, you and I are in that same situation relationally.

We can choose to look at what is real and what is pure and what is genuine.

And thus, when we see that which is counterfeit, when we watch a movie or we see an ad or we read a magazine, we just go, that's just not the way it works.

I shared this maybe last week, maybe it was during the time, but if truth was that the beautiful people and the rich people and the famous people were the ones, and that was the answer to relational bliss, then Hollywood would be the most joyous place on the planet, with the most fulfilling relationships ever, and we would all go there, and truth be told, it is the opposite.

Because there's something about knowing what is genuine.

So, with that in mind, I want to kind of hit a little bit.

I shared with the singles that I had a time in my life where I sat down, I had this little walk-in closet when I was a single guy, and I would go in there and I would just kind of read and God teach me where I need to change, where I need to change, what I need to do.

And one time these kind of phrases came to my mind, and one of those phrases was dealing with my approach to relationships.

And that was simply this phrase, and I later learned what this phrase meant through a scripture in Galatians based on this one phrase.

The phrase was simply this.

Now you've got to understand before I tell you the phrase, I hadn't had a date in over a year.

And it wasn't spiritually, when you're a single guy and you're a Christian, you call it a dating sabbatical, which means I couldn't get a date for a year.

And so I'm in my closet, and then this phrase came to my mind.

Oh my God, what do I need to change?

This phrase came to my mind.

Act as if you're taken, and one day you will be.

Act as if you're taken.

So I wrote it down and didn't think a lot about it.

Well, I just let it meld in my mind there, and I just got to thinking, act as if I'm taken.

And here's what I realized: I realized that my friends who were married, I treated their wives differently than I treated single women.

I was in this mode of looking outwardly in this constant state of evaluation.

Is she the one?

Is she the one?

And I was just constantly in this evaluation.

And what God began to impress on my heart was, Ken, 99.9999999, I think it's like 299% of the women you will meet are not your wife.

So stop evaluating.

We hear the phrase all the time: well, when you're when you're not looking, you'll find somebody.

I disagree with that, but I totally agree with you.

When we stop evaluating, we start becoming what we were meant to be.

In Galatians chapter 5, it talks about gentleness and kindness, and that phrase developed that within me.

Galatians 5 · chapter mention

This sense of gentleness.

I quit looking at women in two categories, married or possibility, and I just lost that evaluation.

And I started treating them all the same.

It turns out girls are a lot like people.

It's unbelievable.

They look a little different and they sound different and they think a little different, but they're just incredible people and they gave a great balance.

And I started learning this concept of act as if I'm taken, and one day I will be.

And I started to see my view change and my approach change, and I started to really enjoy this.

But then my frustration, I remember going back in my closet one day, going, God, I'm starting to get this.

I'm experiencing the kindness, I'm experiencing the gentleness.

But here's my problem is if if I act taken, nobody's gonna be interested in me.

And that was my fear, and I had to let that go.

And although I've never heard God speak audibly, it was very real in my heart.

God whispered, Ken, no one is interested in you now.

Give it a shot.

I was like, okay.

And it is painful to let go of that control.

It is painful to let go of that self-thought power that I am in control, and I let that go, and I began to realize that God really was in control.

And what I didn't realize was that I I I'm not gonna ask for a show of hands, but how many of you ladies have ever come to the point where if you're a single lady, if you thought, God, why are all the great guys taken?

Why are all the great guys taken?

There's something about that guy radar of evaluation that is not appealing.

Truth be told, all the great guys are taken because they weren't great guys until they were taken.

They had to be fixed, okay?

It's the way it works.

Painfully true, but true.

But I had another wonderful question with this idea of approach, and the question was simply this you know, what boundaries do you suggest in relationships?

And my answer is whether you're single or married, is act as if you're taken, because one day you will be, or act as if you're taken, because you are, okay, that that's that's the boundaries.

And I literally treat that way.

I would encourage you with two B's, if boundaries are an issue or on your mind as I look at this of kindness and gentleness, is just be consistent.

Be consistent with that.

People are gonna misinterpret things all the time.

We have no control over that, but I have full control over whether I'm consistent or not.

I, by nature, am a hugger.

I love hugs, I love to give hugs, I love to get hugs, and I'm consistent there.

And and if you were to come, I next time I think I'm in Atlanta, it's uh January 14th.

I'm doing a showdown at Phillips Arena after a thrashers game, and if you were to hang out afterwards, you would see that I love meeting people.

I love hanging out.

And people walk up, she says, Hey, can I get a picture with him?

I'm like, yes, and I give him a big hug, and yay, and I'm smiling.

I don't care who you are, what you look like, I love hugs and I love getting pictures, and I'm the same with everybody.

I also realize this not only be consistent, but but be sensitive.

Be sensitive.

I've learned this over time that not everybody is a hugger like me, and I I understand this.

I have a nephew that bless his heart.

I I learned this from him because I go to give him a hug and he's like, oh, oh.

He just endures it.

So, you know, with him, I just kind of give him a quick bump and then a fist.

I'm like, man, it's so good to see.

I want to communicate that same connection, but I want to be sensitive with it.

So my approach, I'm adjusting that constantly.

Uh, with this approach, I I've got to hit this, and this is kind of a singles question or concept, but it's true for married people as well, because there's probably some people here today that are single and feel this, but also that are married and are frustrated with it.

There was this one statement, one lady wrote in, she goes, uh I know I'm with the wrong person, but I'm having trouble letting go.

And that's the single part of it.

Okay?

She goes, but at least being with him is better than being alone, isn't it?

Question mark.

As a single person, as a single person, let me just encourage.

That sounds great, but it's feelings-based.

I feel this way.

Based on feelings, because truth be told, if I'm in that situation, I know it's not lasting, and I know it's not ultimately healthy, that I'm not making myself available and I'm not changing.

I'm basing everything on feelings.

Truth be told, I'm believing lies.

We talked about it in this one of the weeks.

I'm believing the lie that a relationship will heal my past.

That being with somebody else will heal my past, or at least if I'm with somebody, it will ensure that I have some level of happiness.

And then the biggest lie of all, that I've got to be with somebody so that I'll never be lonely.

Here's what I've learned that unhappy, hurt, lonely single people are unhappy, hurt, lonely, married people.

It doesn't just instantaneously change.

For those who are married, let me just encourage that if we are looking for that person, you're thinking, I'm married and I'm not happy.

I'm hurt, I'm lonely.

Here's the deal.

Here's what we learned in the, I think it was the second week.

That fundamentally we all have that need for intimacy.

We talked about it last week very briefly, and that a human being cannot fill that need.

My approach is in the wrong direction.

I've got to let God meet that fundamental need because a spouse was never meant to meet that.

And if I'm looking for him or her to meet my security or significance need, I'm putting a pressure that they're not capable of filling.

There's nothing wrong with them in that regard.

It's just I've got to let God meet that fundamental need.

As a single person, we have to come to grips with that at the beginning because we're living that statement on a really bad assumption.

And the assumption is that if I have this desire, I must be ready to fulfill it.

I've got this desire, so I must be ready to fulfill it.

Or from a married perspective, I have this desire and it's not being filled in this marriage, then it must be somewhere else.

Both of those are very bad assumptions because they're both outward focused when the truth inwardly is where that fulfillment's gonna come.

From our steps toward letting God fill that, I have all kinds of desires that I've realized are not gonna be filled from the outside.

Steve and I have talked a couple times, we joke around when we have lunch, that you know what, I have a desire to pitch for the Atlanta Braves.

It's a desire.

So thus it must be right, and thus I should be able to do that.

Truth be told, Steve went and got his shoulder fixed so he could try out at some point in the future.

And that's okay.

And we were joking there before.

He says when they start doing slow-pitch softball in the Major League Baseball, then I can do it because it's not gonna happen otherwise.

But truth be told, if I were given that opportunity because of my desire, and and new coach Gonzalez said, hey, we're gonna, you know what, you have the desire, it must be true, go do it.

It would be a train wreck to put me out on the mound.

I can throw a curveball, it's very slow and hanging, and it would be 47 to nothing in the first inning because I don't have that ability.

What we have to do in our approach is step back and say, okay, God, this is a desire.

What do I need to do to be prepared?

In a marriage, God, here's my frustrations.

What do I need to change?

Because what I've learned in being married 15 years, if I'm frustrated with some part of my marriage, I've found somewhere over 90% of the solution can and will be if I take the initiative to change.

I'll give you one example.

My wife turns out she is a wonderful woman.

Turns out that she is a woman.

She thinks like a woman.

I do not think like a woman.

We talked briefly about this this past Wednesday.

I said, ladies, realize that men are simple.

God made us this way.

He made us tough and simple.

Do not expect us to get hints.

We do not get hints.

You can take the hint, tie it around a brick, drop it on our head.

We're not getting it.

It's a hint.

We don't get them.

She goes, Well, I texted you and I thought and I said and I did.

I'm like, just tell me.

Because I don't get it.

My wife said one time in a small group, she goes, you know, Ken never gets his feelings hurt.

And before I could say thanks, she said, because Ken has no feelings.

I think that hurt my feelings.

But I'm not sure.

Because that's the way we are.

That's the way we're made.

And see, my wife, she is on the other side, and she would tell you, you know what?

He doesn't get hints.

He doesn't get his feelings hurt because he's not sensitive.

But you know what?

That's the way God made us.

He made us to be able to focus and stay simple and to the point.

He made us to be able to not take things sensitively.

That's the way we're made.

Inversely, I look at my wife.

Now here's the here's you can see the frustration there.

My wife is one where she wants to just, she wants to talk through everything and she'll text me these issues.

And I made the mistake of texting me, like, what do you mean?

And we're going back and forth and texting.

Quick underline, modern day version of application.

Texting, bad way to communicate.

Anything other than lunch, one o'clock.

Yes, no.

That's okay.

Everything else, talk.

Better face to face.

And she's throwing all these issues at me, and I'm frustrated with me.

And literally, one of my days, I'm like, God, help me.

I'm doing horribly here and I'm I'm missing something.

And I literally, I sat there and I just thought through it.

And I said, God, what do I need to change?

And I began to think, you know what?

Where were the frustrations?

I need to not communicate through texting because there's no emotion.

I need to wait.

And when she is talking, I need to just listen and listen not only to the details, but listen for anything I can validate within what she is saying.

Not choosing sides, not coming up with solutions, but just listen.

Because the other thing I've learned is when a wife says, I'm tired, he's trying to fix it, and doesn't he realize that fixing it doesn't fix it.

Now see, here's what I've realized.

Women do not think logically, they think emotionally.

And I've realized, okay, I've fixed a lot of things and it didn't fix anything.

So what do I need to change?

It's a radical concept.

My approach changed.

I need to change and I need to listen for the key of what I can validate.

I need to show very little emotion.

I need to find a way to validate.

And many, it is the most weird experience ever.

As I've done this over time and I start doing this, we get to the end of the conversation.

The only reason I know it's over is my wife goes, Thank you so much.

Okay, let's go do something else.

And it's it's we we haven't solved anything.

And yet I'm like, okay.

Not exactly the success I thought it would be, but this is success for her, so that's good.

I'm learning that if I will change, it fixes my frustration.

Does she have some things?

Maybe, maybe not.

But truth is that I have control over that.

So not only my approach to it, but what I'm learning is the process.

The process of having a great relationship.

Single, married, otherwise, it really comes from the inside out, from who I am.

Not only my approach to it, but let me read you this one question that one young lady wrote in.

I'm single and I'm happy being single.

I see no reason to start a relationship because I don't feel like I'm ready for marriage.

Wow.

To me, the whole point of dating is to find somebody that you want to be with.

At what age does someone need to start looking?

Or is it not an age, but a level of maturity?

I thought, this chick gets it.

This is the right question to ask.

And I wrote back, I said, start looking today in the mirror.

Because truth be told, we need to start becoming love right now.

Especially when we realize we're not ready.

We need to start becoming that love.

And in a marriage, to have the fullest fulfillment within a marriage, we've got to start looking inwardly.

And let me give you one great example of where to look.

If you're frustrated in a marriage or you're frustrated as a single, I want you to consider Philippians chapter 4, verses 8 and 9.

Philippians 4:8

It gives a wonderful filter for us to look at ourselves honestly, pray to God genuinely, and say, God, what do I need to change?

And I would even encourage you to take one of these pieces every day out of Philippians 4 and begin to ask, okay, what does this mean?

It says, finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good report.

If there is any excellence, if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.

The things that you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

So if we'll take those, I begin to take them as a single guy, and what I encourage the singles to do, use this as a filter.

First in the mirror, where do I need to change?

Second, as a filter for those I might be interested in.

Do these qualities exist?

Third, as the relationship.

View the relationship and say, is this relationship embodying these qualities?

I would say this in a marriage for us to take a look at it ourselves.

Am I true, honorable, right, pure, lovely of good report?

Am I living these?

Does our marriage exude these to those around us?

I took one a day, and I'll never forget the first one that I took.

Whatever is true, and I thought, God, this is going to be easy.

Because I am a truthful person.

I believe in honesty at all cost.

I am truthful.

But God, go ahead, show me, is there anywhere I need to change in truth?

Because I'm pretty good at this.

And then thoughts begin to come through my mind.

Ken, have you ever exaggerated?

Maybe just a little bit to make yourself look a little better.

Yeah, maybe.

Have you ever not told a detail about somebody so you wouldn't have to deal with a conflict that you knew you needed to deal with?

Maybe.

And then God, I didn't know God could use four-letter words, but he did.

He used one four-letter word and he just used the word to just penetrate to the core of the heart of my issue with the idea of trust and truth and honesty.

He used the word golf.

It is painful to play golf and be honest.

Grown educated men, if you don't play golf, let me show you how it looks.

So you tee off, you hit it, you hit it, you hit it, you get it in the hole, you stop at the next tea box, somebody pulls out a scorecard with a pencil and goes, What'd you get?

And grown educated men will turn around and begin to count.

He challenged my heart with this idea, and I was playing golf that week, and let me just tell you, it is painful to get to that point where everybody has learned the rules of justification and get to the end of that.

And somebody pulls out the card, and I'm like, I got a four, yeah, I got a five, I got a six, I got a nine.

And then the next, I got a twelve again.

Man, it is hard.

But what that does is it reforms my heart and it lets me know that God is in the process of making me in what He meant for me to be.

And I'm learning this also.

There's a wonderful passage of process to getting to love in 2 Peter chapter 1.

2 Peter 1 · chapter mention

And this is another passage that we hit that if I really want love, if you're in a marriage and you're thinking, man, I'm not experiencing love to the fullness of what love should be.

I just don't, I'm not there.

Personally, take this passage.

2 Peter chapter 1, verse through 8.

2 Peter 1 · chapter mention

Now, for this very reason, applying all diligence in your faith, supply moral excellence.

To moral excellence, knowledge, and to your knowledge, self-control, and to your self-control, perseverance, and to your perseverance, godliness, to your godliness, brotherly kindness, and in your brotherly kindness, love.

It's a roadmap.

And it starts with moral excellence.

And if we decide that we're going to be morally excellent in every way and being honest and pure in all these ways that mentioned in Philippians, we'll quickly realize that we have to learn the knowledge of how to do that.

And if we do that, we'll very quickly learn that it's not easy and that it will take a great amount of self-control to apply those.

And once we apply the self-control, we'll realize very quickly we are not perfect at it, and it will take great perseverance over and over.

And in that perseverance, something amazing begins to happen.

We start to experience why, and we start to experience godliness and the benefits of it, but then there's a fork in the road that unfortunately many Christians hit, and we can either move towards the next step of brotherly kindness or piety, and this idea of, ooh, I am godly, or we'll be the type that comes alongside.

And what I love about this environment, His Hands Church, is that there is the fork in the road.

There's a detour to the brotherly kindness.

The piety one is kind of a dead end closed, and you're not going to see that here.

Because brotherly kindness simply means coming alongside those who are maybe further behind us and walking with.

And you will see it in everything that happens here, and it is just such joy.

And at that point we see love.

It starts with moral excellence.

And if you look in that Philippians passage, it says, whatever is pure.

I have two adolescent boys, and I am trying to instill in them this concept of purity and moral excellence.

And I love this concept because it is true.

We see the genuineness, purity of it, and our world is showing us a counterfeit version that looks great on the surface and is instantly destructive.

And it's painful to watch.

My wife told me over dinner one night, she said, the boys are starting to ask questions there at school, kids are talking about the S word.

She said, You need to have a serious chow wow with them.

And I said, Chow wow.

She said, Yes, you need to have a chow wow with them.

And I said, Chow wow.

And if you know have heard about my wife, she mixes up phrases.

I said, a chow wow.

And she looked, she goes, Yeah, I'm a quarter Cherokee Indian.

Chow wow.

I'm like, then you would know it's a pow wow.

Or is it chow wow, a pow wow with food?

Is that the way that works?

And she she says, No, you just need to have a talk with them.

So we're going to a ball game, and I have the first stage of several talks I would have later, and I wanted to introduce this idea of moral excellence and purity.

And I said, you know what, guys, it's a process.

And I kind of subverted, I'm like, guys, what would happen?

So you remember when we went camping a few weeks ago?

And they're like, Yeah.

I said, You remember when I told you that, hey, I'm gonna set up the tent, you guys go grab some sticks, and they grabbed them, and we got this ring, the fire pet.

And I said, Okay, throw the sticks in there, put the big ones over here, and we're gonna make a fire.

And they're like, All right.

And they love the fire, and it's awesome.

And we made the fire and we cooked hot dogs and ate marshmallows, and it got a little chilly, and we'd stand by the fire, and and they're like, Yeah, man, that was awesome.

We love doing that.

I said, What would have happened instead of saying, Hey, get the sticks, if I just gave you some matches and said, Hey, go light some sticks.

They're like, What do you mean?

I'm like, if I said instead of picking them up, you just went out and started lighting sticks everywhere, what would happen?

They're like, it would have burned everything down.

I'm like, yeah, and that would be bad, wouldn't it?

And they're like, Yeah.

And I said, That that's what moral excellence and purity is.

I said, when God designed this whole relational peace maritally and this idea of sex, I said, He if you keep it in the ring, it provides warmth, it cooks our food and it keeps us warm and it's all good.

But I said, if you take it outside that ring, the fire, what happens?

They're like, it burns up everything.

I said, that's what marriage is.

God made that little marriage ring.

He said, man, inside there it's great and wonderful, and everything good happens.

But if you take it outside that marriage, outside that ring, it will destroy everything that it touches.

I said, remember that.

That's what purity and moral excellence is.

And they're like, oh, yeah.

See, that's the type thing God wants us to experience and experience in the full.

That brotherly kindness.

And then I gotta give you what's maybe my life verse.

Because in this process of becoming and deciding I am going to change.

God, what do I need to change?

And taking that upon me, I've begun to realize I have to face the fact I am not perfect, that I have faults, and that it is not easy, but it is worth it.

And God is not looking for perfection, he's looking for us who are imperfect to let him mold us and make us into something that is amazing.

In Proverbs chapter 12, it's one of my possibly favorite verses.

Proverbs 12 · chapter mention

It says, Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge.

But he who hates correction is stupid.

I'm not gonna ask for a show of hands.

But how many of us at some point of our lives have said, Man, I've been stupid because somebody tried to correct me, or somebody tried to give me a truth, or give me a boundary, or give me a line, and I just said, not me.

Not me, it doesn't apply.

Truth be told, if we will stop and think, and here's one of the greatest quotes out of the books, both the singles and the married books, is that my wife shared with me one night as I was sharing it, she said, you know, it really is true that discipline, not desire, will determine our destiny.

And I was like, wow.

She couldn't remember where she'd heard it or she thought of it, but it is true either way.

The discipline to take the truth, discipline to look in the mirror, not our desires, will determine our destiny.

Because if I will be disciplined with the truth, I will experience a fulfillment of those desires at a level that I could never do on my own if I'll trust.

And then God gives us some amazing promises.

I want to just share with you Isaiah 40, 31.

It says, But those who wait upon the Lord, those who wait, mark that word, upon the Lord shall renew their strength.

They shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and they shall not faint.

Probably one of the core pieces that we learned in this 10 weeks was this idea of waiting on God.

It is not a passive indifference, it is an active waiting, just like a waiter or a waitress at a restaurant.

It's taking the truths and saying, God, show me what would you like to order a change in my life today?

What change would you like to order today?

And then taking that and saying, okay, help me become that, help me change that.

It is an active waiting.

And it's an active abiding saying, God, I'm going to do what you want me to do.

And God, I can confess I'm not perfect at it.

I fail at it often, but Lord, will you help me?

And those who do that, He gives us an amazing, incredible result.

He says in Isaiah 40, 31, you will gain new strength.

We looked at James chapter 1.

James 1 · chapter mention

It says, Those who abide in me, in other words, we buy in completely and say, God, change me.

I'm not going to look outwardly, I'm going to work inwardly, change me.

He says, Those who abide in me will be blessed.

And then Philippians 4, where we looked at that incredible filter, it says, if you will pray and practice these things, the peace of God will guard your heart and your mind.

I've held on to those.

So whether we're married or we're single, if we will take the time to say, God, my approach is not going to be where are they?

It's going to be who am I?

And what do I need to change?

And God, I'm going to submit myself to the process of saying, God, I want to experience the fullness that you created.

He made it.

God, I'm going to trust that the way you made it is the way I should experience it.

And let me just tell you, it is incredible.

And it gets better every moment I step in because I want those results.

If you would with me, let's just wrap up in a word of prayer.

And just ask God to show our hearts individually maybe what we need to do next.

Father, thank you.

I thank you that as many different people are here, that's as many different issues, desires, uniqueness there is.

So Lord, as only your Holy Spirit can.

I pray that you would lay on our hearts where we need to change.

For some, it's going to be that simple process of going, God, I need to let you fundamentally forgive me and fill me.

Please come into my life.

For others, Lord, it's going to be that relationship that we lost that we need to let go and say, God, I was not letting you meet that need.

For many, it'll be a marriage going, you know what?

I've been passive.

I'm sitting back and complaining, and I'm not actively letting you teach me.

Lord, I'm I'm resisting change and blaming others.

Father, help me become that spouse you meant for me to be, that dad, that mom you meant for me to be.

And let me actively wait on you to change me because I want to experience your blessing and your filling and your strength.

And Lord, use your spirit within me to encourage and create that environment around me.

And it really is only through Christ we can pray.

Thank you for your spirit, Lord, that gives us the strength to do it.

Amen.

Thank you guys for letting me share this morning.

God bless you.