Be The Best Friend Ever... ZERO Expectations

Father, thank you so much for your love.

Thank you that it never changes, that uh it's there every day, that it's a constant thing that we can always count on.

This morning, Lord, we just ask that you would speak to us, Holy Spirit, just be in this place and and speak directly to our hearts through what Ken shares.

Uh, just make sure that we walk out of this room knowing that you love us, knowing that you have an amazing life for us, Lord, and we we love you so much for everything that you've done for us and everything that you do every day.

We just ask that you bless Ken as he speaks, and we ask all this in your name, Father.

Amen.

All right, Ken?

Take it.

Thanks, man.

It has been a week.

How many of you had one of those weeks?

Anybody want to admit it?

Okay, good.

You're in you're in my boat then.

I had uh three children, and all three of them got sick within about a 48-hour period, and it was just one of those weeks.

Not bad, not great, just one of those weeks.

And I used this as an opportunity to be there, what we talked about last week, and to actually care.

And and some of it was frustrating, and other parts were like, wow, you know, this is just good.

I need to be here at this time.

And we ended last week with this concept of be there and care.

And we ended with the fact that God is there and he cares for us no matter where we are.

And so I wanted to kind of transition that.

If you have a Bible, I want to really encourage you this morning to open up to the book of John, chapter 11, which is we looked at the shortest verse in the Bible last week in John 11, and we're gonna look at that story and see how all this there and care kind of comes together with where we are today and God and us and this and that and all together.

John 11 · chapter mention

And I want to jump off with where my brother just left off, and that is tomorrow being Valentine's Day.

I don't know the origin of Valentine's Day.

I know there was a saint, Valentine, and he obviously dug girls and gave them candy and flowers and stuff.

Um that's all I know.

Well, I was made aware this week, though, that in Japan, do you know what the Valentine tradition in Japan is?

It's that women buy chocolate for the important men in their lives.

That is their tradition.

I think I'm turning Japanese.

Okay, that's that just sounds awesome to me.

Uh we we should have that theme in our world one time.

But I I want to also just give a total brag out to my wife.

My wife is what I would call a non-sentimentalist, and she is just incredible.

She's like, I have zero desire to get overpriced flowers and go wait too long to eat a vanilla meal that's charged five times the amount.

Do not do that.

She goes, you got the desire to get flowers, go pick a dandelion and give me the$60.

That's what I want.

And I was like, love you.

So we have this understanding that we will we will celebrate these things, but why be imposed on this?

And why have all these expectations thrown upon us?

And truth be told, in our faith and in our relationships, there are expectations that build up, and most of them are exterior, where they just kind of get blown up and thrown on us, and we've got these weights that just aren't even and shouldn't even be there.

And this concept of be there and care really comes from God with zero expectations.

Zero.

And when we get to that point where we're loving and really being there and caring for one another, it's really heaping zero expectations on them, but giving completely of ourselves.

And this morning that's what I really hope comes out of this particular passage, and I hope that we can grasp something the way that Jesus was there and Jesus cared.

So underneath the concept of being there, I want to especially, as I read this, I couldn't help but see that this is just, man, this is such an encouragement and validation to men because we are overtaxed with expectations too often.

And Jesus really did care.

He loved Mary and Martha and Lazarus.

He loved them.

If you have a Bible, you can look at this real quick.

Um I'm gonna give a couple overview points, but in 11, chapter 11, verses 5 and 6, it says, Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus.

And then here's the encouragement part in the being their aspect.

Yet when he heard Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was two more days.

Being there does not mean that our physical circumstances communicate our complete priorities in the immediate situation.

And let me just throw the Valentine's at us.

If you don't get exactly what you want from the guy you want, the way you want it, when you want it tomorrow, if you define that as whether or not this is love, you wow.

We're gonna discount the other 364 days.

This one moment is all we've got.

We're missing the point.

Love is not a moment in time.

And when Jesus stayed there, he was doing something that he was supposed to be doing and it was important.

And the truth be told, circumstances do not always reveal priorities.

And then there's times where circumstances do not make sense, but God still has a plan.

And Mary and Martha's minds.

Jesus, being God in the flesh, did not make sense.

Why did he not come?

And she says there in 11, she says, if you had been here, my brother would still be alive.

In other words, the circumstances did not make sense to her.

And that is not this big theological, profound spiritual concept.

But it is an act, an opportunity for us to trust that when circumstances don't make sense, God still has a plan.

And it's not a plan B, it's not a contingency plan, it is the plan.

And even when other humans are involved and they make decisions that affect us, God still has a plan.

And his plan is that he's there and he cares.

We know this to be true because every one of us has experienced this concept, but I think too often we've over-spiritualized and we we've put these expectations out there, and we've got to lower them down and saying, okay, what is the zero?

What is the level expectation?

What should it be?

Because I don't know where you are, how you grew up, but I grew up, and I'm going to get to a phrase that I've, as a child, I thought was the dumbest thing I'd ever heard in my life.

My parents believed in the concept of disciplining, and they believed in a concept called spanking.

It wasn't beating, it wasn't abuse, it was a spanking.

And I can tell you, I never remember getting one spanking that I did not not only deserve, but I earned.

And I remember these, and I remember vividly several of these experiences where I would earn these spankings, and people would go, oh, that's, you know, that that hurts them emotionally.

And it's like, no, it reminds them emotionally of what they do not and should not be doing.

That was my experience.

And and I will never forget, never forget this phrase my father would use over and over and over.

And my mother would use it over and over and over.

This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you.

Really?

Well, let me spare you the pain.

Let's switch positions.

Or I've heard about this new form of discipline called timeout.

Let's give that a try.

Truth be told, it was that which I needed in order to remember.

But it now as a parent, as a parent, we've been through the discipline part, and I literally have thought the same pieces.

I've stopped myself from going, hey, this is gonna hurt me more than it hurts you, but I know it to be true.

And I know the benefit of that, and I realized that I would literally, I would, I would never, I would never discipline my child without first in front of them hitting my hand to make sure, okay, this is the appropriate amount.

And I was like, ow, okay, that's about right.

And and they saw me doing that, and I know that they're gonna be later going, my dad was a complete idiot.

He beat himself, and then he would tap me on the bottom, and it just, wow.

But truth be told, we understand this concept.

We get the fact that circumstances don't always make sense, especially and even when God is truly involved.

I love it.

There's a book I read once a year at least called Intimacy with the Almighty.

It's this little bitty book that Chuck Swindah wrote a few years ago.

And one of the lines I have underlined and highlighted and circled, he writes in there, nothing under God's control is ever out of control.

And when you and I put our faith and trust and our life in his hands, he has that plan.

And that there's nothing out of control.

Well, in the being there is not only circumstantial in that, but there is that physical part of being there.

And the other part that is wonderful, and I would encourage you, go back and read John 11.

It's just an incredible chapter of being there.

It also calls us to this place of being there from the sense of asking ourselves a very hard question.

Who are the people in my world that are worth literally being there for?

And ask that question, who is worth being there for?

And I would challenge and encourage us to make that list.

In our minds, if nothing else, and let that be the priority that when that happens, yes, we need to put it through the filter of priority, but to ask the question, God, how do you want me to be there?

Jesus had surrounded himself with some men who had decided he is worth being there for.

Jesus is worth following.

If you go back into chapter 10, you'll see that Jesus has healed a few people.

And it really ticked off the religious people.

And they said, Well, why don't you just speak explain, speak plainly?

That's easy for me to say.

Speak plainly.

And he says, Sure enough, you want easy, here it is.

I and the Father are one.

I am who you think I am.

And they picked up stones and they're ready to stone him.

And he says, Whoa, whoa, which miracle are you going to kill me for?

And they got really mad and he left.

So now Lazarus is in the city where they tried to were about to stone him.

And he's like, Hey, we finished here.

We need to go back to where Lazarus is.

And his disciples are like, Um, Jesus, um, I know you've been drinking some splendor or something, you got the short-term memory loss.

They tried to stone us back there.

Do you do you not remember this?

Remember they were picking up stone, they wanted to kill you.

And Jesus said, Yep, we need to, we need to go back there.

And these guys made a decision.

We are gonna be with him.

We're gonna be with him.

And if I could speak for 30 seconds to men, there is something in our hearts, there's something in our DNA that wants to clearly define in our lives who we're going to follow and who we are gonna be with, and who is worth the ultimate of our commitment and our faith.

You can look in there in John chapter 11, verse 16, when Thomas says this let us go so we can die with him.

John 11:16

They're like, they miss the chance once, they're not gonna miss it twice.

They will kill him, but he's worth it.

Let us go die with him.

Does it do those around us know that we're willing to be there to that point?

And and the way we communicate that is the second word, and that is not only be there, but care.

I know in my life, as I look back over my life and I've evaluated four decades of living, here's what I've determined.

My trust in God as a 13-year-old kid, I look back and I realize and I shudder to imagine the pain that I have been able to avoid by those areas of life where I trusted when I did not know why and I did not feel like it, yet I trusted God.

I shudder to think of all the pain that I would have endured.

But I also look at my life back, and I think some of my greatest failures, some of the dumbest decisions I've ever made, and some of the biggest regrets of my life are now the very platform that God has used to strengthen me and let me see very clearly his grace and his power and who he is, because only through him am I here and who I am.

Those two realities of him caring for me, longing through his truth to guide me to avoid certain pains that I just volunteered for.

But then also the grace and power that he's shown to forgive and get me through that.

Not only is there, but he cares.

And I can't imagine how many times he said, Hey, I want to walk with you through this.

If I can put this concept in reality, it's to it's to validate that relationship above all else.

We talked about the shortest verse in the Bible last week.

Jesus wept.

And it's that fact that Jesus, and we'll see this in just a second, was literally, he knew what was going on.

He had a plan, and yet when they wept, he wept with them.

Why?

It's to feel first.

To feel first.

Let me give you an example of this, and men will probably be able to relate to this more than women, and those who are married more than others.

And if someday, if you're a single guy and one day you think, maybe I'll be married, please take very close notes to this.

There will be questions in marriage that there are no answers to, and yet you will be demanded for them.

Take a note here.

My wife will ask this one three or four times a year.

She goes, you know what?

Tell me if I'm crazy.

Dot, dot, dot.

I can assure you, whatever comes after that is crazy.

But we cannot answer that.

Tell me if this is crazy.

And I found this that as those moments I get very thirsty.

And she will pause and look at me, and I'll be like, uh.

Go ahead, I'm just really thirsty.

Keep going.

I've drained gallons of water listening to these stories.

But I'm there and I'm care.

And I found that what she really wants is not an answer to that question.

She doesn't want an answer.

She doesn't want me to fix it.

She just wants someone to care.

And I listen.

And I found that contrary to the logicness of life, I don't have to come up with an answer.

And it's best if I don't come up with an answer.

And I just listen and I care.

Jesus is in this mode where he's like, you know what?

He's realizing a couple pieces.

Don't miss this line.

Because I believe this was going through Jesus' actions.

If I'm not willing to cry with them, they'll never grasp that I'm willing to die for them.

It's a step.

I'm going to feel what you feel so that you can understand what I'm doing.

But until we feel that, we can't really get there.

In verses 21 and 32, Mary says, If you had been here, my brother would not have died.

And Jesus said, But you don't understand.

In the resurrection, this is not leading unto death.

He will rise again.

And she goes, I know in the resurrection he will be alive again, but now he's dead.

And Jesus, and I love this, underline this, especially if you're going through something difficult right now.

If you're going through something difficult right now and you think, you know what, my career, my relationship, my finances, whatever it is, are all but dead.

And I'm at a point of no return.

And stating the opposite, I know that God is God, and I know that we'll be in heaven one day, but right now I am just, I'm dying here.

Jesus would say to you this morning and I, in verse 25, I am the resurrection and the life.

He who believes in me will live even though he dies.

And whatever we're going through, Jesus would say to your heart and mind this morning, I want you to see resurrection.

Where you are.

And I don't know how, I don't care how far gone it is, but notice this after he makes that declaration, he still, it still says they came out, they wept, and Jesus wept with them.

After he makes it clear, this is what I'm going to do, this is who I am, he still weeps with them.

And this morning I want us to look at this there and care, not only scripturally, but in reality, and then how we can make this a part of who we are.

Scripturally, if you're if you've got your Bibles open to John 11, look at verse 39.

Jesus makes an offer to them.

Look at how he works together with them.

He says, Take away the stone.

This morning, there is a really good possibility that whatever we are going through, Jesus, if we will stop and sit with him, will give you and I a step.

Maybe it's a step of trust, maybe it's a step of faith, whatever it is, but that step, he says, Take away the stone, and then look at their response at the end of verse 39.

To his offer, here's their belief.

But, Lord, and they state the obvious.

And it's gonna smell bad.

Really, odor, four days, death, not gonna smell good.

And I laugh at that.

Because I've been there where I've thought there is no way out, and I've been at the bottom where I can't see the next step.

And I've since Jesus given me a simple one step of get up, do this, move, breathe.

And then I just want to tell him about the circumstances.

But Lord, here's the reality.

Here's my challenge, and I think what Jesus is challenging them with.

Our ability is to, and don't miss this one, see the obvious.

But Jesus wants us to choose the miraculous.

And it's at that point, he does not degrade them, he does not go, move the stone, but Lord, it's four days and there will be a bad odor, and he does not go, come on!

How many miracles do I have to do?

Just move the rock.

He doesn't do it.

And he won't do it to you and I.

When we tell him all the circumstances again, he doesn't go, closers, really.

I'm God, I can do this.

Just give me a shot.

That's not how he cares, that's not how he's there.

What he does is he will wait patiently and he will reassure.

There's the offer, there's the belief, then there's the reassurance.

In verse 40, right after they say, But Lord, he said, Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God.

If you you have a chance.

I'm here and I care, but we're gonna do this together with one another.

And he lets it sit there.

And then there is the action in verse 41.

Don't miss this.

There's the offer, the belief, the reassurance, and then the action.

So they took away the stone, they took it away.

And you want to know something?

Every circumstance they thought was true.

It smelled because Lazarus had been dead.

But look what happened next.

Don't miss this.

Underline these words.

So they move the stone, move forward in the verse.

Then Jesus waits until we respond.

He gives us an offer, he reassures us, he will nurture us, he is there and he will sit until we respond to his offer.

And then when we take an action, in verse 43, Jesus says, Lazarus, come out.

And he comes out.

And then look at how he invites them together again.

We're gonna do this with.

We're gonna do this together.

In verse 44, he says, Take off the grave clothes, let him go.

Jesus could have miraculously just gone poof, the stone's gone.

Lazarus come out, wham, the death closer off.

He could have done it all.

But God wants to do this with us.

He wants us to be there and to care and experience what that means with him together.

Let me give you a modern day example of this process of offer, belief, reassurance, action, miracle, life.

Grapevine Faith Academy in Texas.

A private school, a Christian school.

Their football team is 7-2.

Their coach is Chris Hogan.

They have a game.

At the end of the year, they're going to play 0-8 Gainesville State School.

Gainesville State School is not a normal school.

Gainesville State School is a penitentiary for teenage men that have been incarcerated because they are convicted criminals.

That's the school.

They play every game on the road.

And the obvious is, you know what?

These guys are who they are.

But Coach Hogan made an offer.

God pressed on his heart, and he said, you know what?

This is just the right thing to do.

And he sends out an email to all the teams and all the parents and all the families at the school.

This school is coming to play us, Gainesville State School.

They are convicted criminals.

But when they come to play us, it will be different.

We will not only be there, but we're going to show them we care in a way that they don't have.

They may have a couple teachers come with them, but there will be no family.

And there will be nobody in their stands.

And there will be 14 boys and a couple coaches.

I want to ask you to be there.

And I want to ask you to care.

When they get here, I want, as many as will, I want you to go to their sideline.

And I want you to cheer for them during this game.

He said he didn't know what would happen.

But sure enough, the night came.

And some of the parents said, Well, that seems good on paper.

But then we got there.

And it's different.

But then a few went and a few more went.

And the the boys on the tornadoes of Gainesville State from this school said, We just thought they had so many people they were spilling over in our stands.

And then they came out on the field, and we thought we were on the wrong end of the field warming up because they just they kept getting in a line on the field.

And somebody came over and said, Hey, you guys get right over here, and they're like, okay.

So they huddle up over and they said, This is a spirit tunnel for you.

But wait, because we have cheerleaders and they've made a run through for you.

And these guys were like, What?

They said, We were confused.

What do you mean?

They'd never had a run through, they'd never had fans.

And there are pictures of them running through this run through and down the spirit tunnel and fans cheering.

The coach said he was totally blown away.

He says, three three plays into the game, they threw a penalty on us, and I heard these fans behind us booing the referees.

And he's like, That's for us, and I will never forget the precious look on this hardened kid with a soft heart, with a smile bigger than Texas.

As they interviewed him about the game, he said, They were yelling my name.

They were yelling my name.

And to see these boys with joy, and to see the pictures, and to hear these boys talk about, nobody gives us a chance.

Everybody reminds us every week of our past.

And I'll never forget the one young man at the end of the interview, with one of the biggest smiles I've ever seen.

He said, It was like we won the Super Bowl.

I know we lost.

We're 0 and 9, 0 and 8, but it was like we won the Super Bowl.

And I couldn't help but think afterwards, there's a picture of them bringing them all together and praying at midfield.

And as they came together, one of the quarterbacks, the quarterback from the tornadoes of the state school said, Can I pray?

And he says, God, I don't know what just happened.

But thank you.

I have hope.

See, now they could have looked at the obvious.

They could have seen the obvious.

These are convicted criminals.

Or they could look to the miraculous and say, maybe, just maybe, if we are there and we care, maybe, just maybe, God can do something miraculous if we'll let Him, if we'll want to be used.

If you want to see the story, there's an incredible clip.

It's about four and a half minutes long.

You can go to YouTube and just type in a game of hope.

And you can see the interviews with the actual people, and it will melt your heart.

That's what being there and caring is about.

That's what this passage of Jesus and Lazarus might just look like in our time.

And I love the last scene that I remember from seeing this clip.

One of the young men with this just giant smile as they're showing clips of these boys being boys.

They've just lost and they're jumping around and pouring water on their coach's head like they just won the Super Bowl.

And he said, They said, How did it?

He says, I walked away with hope.

And with this big smile, he says, I went back to my room that night and I just cried.

It just felt so good.

And I'm like, that's it.

I want to share with you an opportunity because the truth is, I want to ask you an eye a question.

And I've been asking this of myself all week.

Who around me is worth crying with?

Because I guarantee you, in our day and age, right now, there are plenty of opportunities to cry with.

And I asked God to lay someone on my heart, and he did, and I am in the process of that.

And it's not easy and it's not simple.

But just walking to be there and to care.

And it's not neatly tied up.

But I want to share a situation that's coming up.

March 25th, we're bringing the comedy tour here.

And it will be one of the funnest two hours of your year.

I guarantee you that.

It will be hysterical.

Gentleman by the name of Robert G.

Lee is one of the two guys that's on the TV pilot that I'm working on right now.

He's from California.

He will be with me.

It will be hysterical.

And it'll be a blast, and it'll be worth the ticket.

But let me tell you what, as I've prayed for this specific one, what God is laying in my heart, and that is there are people who need to laugh.

I will never forget this one night.

It was a show in Atlanta.

And I always do a meet and greet afterwards, and I shake hands and sign DVDs, and I just, that's one of my favorite parts of the night.

It's just getting to talk to people and they share with me their funny stories and they share with me their isms, and it's just a fun time.

And something a little bit odd hit me.

This one lady walks up with a very quiet, gentle smile.

And she just reached out her hand.

I said, Hey, thanks for coming tonight.

And she was very quiet.

She didn't say anything at first, and then she said, Just thanks.

I needed that.

I said, Well, absolutely, thanks for being here.

And she just turned and walked away.

And I was like, okay.

And we talked a few more.

About 10, 15 minutes later, another woman came up and she said, I wanted to wait till most people were done talking to you.

I've just got to tell you, thank you for tonight.

And I said, Absolutely, this is what I love to do.

And she goes, but I had to tell you why.

She goes, My friend came with me tonight, and you said, you talk to her for a second.

And I said, okay.

And she goes, and she pointed her out across the room and she was looking away, and I said, Yes, I totally remember her.

What a sweet lady.

And she goes, You have no idea.

And I said, What?

And she said, Her husband died of a heart attack a couple years ago.

Within eight months of that, her only son was killed in a car accident.

I have not seen her smile in over two years.

And I got her to come tonight and I watched her laugh for almost two hours.

And she can't get the smile off her face.

She says, I know it doesn't make it all alright, but I just saw the truth that laughter is a good, like a medicine to the soul.

And she said, Thank you.

And I said, Well, thank God for that.

I know there's some people in our world that need hope.

And the question is, is it in a small way can we do that?

Because the truth is in Proverbs 11, 17, it says, your own soul is nourished when you are kind.

If we're feeling a little bit down, realize that there's others around us that may be big down.

The 25th is one opportunity.

I'm sure there's some more around you.

But just ask the question: who in my world do I need to be there and care?

You'll start to see posters, you'll see some cards.

I encourage you to grab those and ask the question, who do I need to hand this to?

But even more than that, tickets at the door will be$20.

In advance, you can get them for$15.

But I want to challenge you between now and next week because next week only, for one week only, you can get as many tickets as you want for$10.

And be thinking, who do I need?

I want to come and I want to laugh, and even if it's laughing with my friends, I want to give that joy to somebody.

Who do I need to give it to?

Am I there?

Do I care?

Am I partnering with God to see him move in a mighty way?

And realize his expectations are zero.

It is fully up to us to engage and let him use us.

Let's pray.

Father, thank you.

Thank you that you are here and you do care.

Thank you for these examples this morning of what you do and how you do it.

Jesus, thank you for giving us some insight on you give us an offer.

If we're in the midst of pain and struggle, that's right where you are.

Show us that one step.

And Father, this morning, I just thank you that for the way you love us unconditionally, and all we have to do is accept it.

So, Father, we just pray right now you would move on our hearts, even as we sing this closing song.

Speak to our hearts and thank you for today.

And it really is only through your precious Son Jesus and the power of your spirit, move in this time.

Amen.

Thanks for letting me share.

God bless you guys.