The Choice - Friends

Good morning.

This morning I'm uh it's early and I got a cup of coffee and uh we've got a front porch and a door in front of it.

And so I'm going by and this song is uh blaring in the background, the song that uh we just sang.

It's uh you'd think Susan would be going deaf with all the loud music, but it's actually me because she plays it so loud.

Um but uh I look out and there's this little bird.

I don't know if birds have down or what you call it, but it you could tell it was just out of the nest and it's sitting on this rail.

And at the exact same time I'm looking at this bird, that chorus is playing.

He holds the universe, he holds every one of us.

And I'm thinking about where Jesus said, you know, that uh our father takes care of the bird, certainly he'll take care of us.

And how Jesus says that, you know, we call our father God now Abba Father, which is the Aramaic word for daddy.

So we have a daddy father that takes care of us.

And it, you know, in a group this size, there's always a big number of people going through really hard times and really tough things.

And uh I just want you to know that God loves you, that He's He's for you.

He's not mad at you, He's not giving up on you, and even more than that, He'll take care of you.

And uh whatever you're going through is gonna be okay because you have a Father that loves you.

Well, it's blessed the bike, blah, it's the bless the blah.

It's uh bless the bikes Sunday, which is exciting.

Man, what a uh what a great day to ride in.

I mean, it was just just beautiful this morning.

And so we're gonna have a good time.

If it's your first time here, uh we're really glad you're here.

Hope you can tell you can just relax and and be yourselves.

Um we'll do what really we normally do on Sunday, then afterwards we'll go outside and we'll pray for uh all the riders and boy actually pray for for everyone, enjoy some food and and some music.

So it's gonna be a great day.

I wanted to thank the Woodstock JCs.

They did a food drive and really more than than filled up our food pantry.

And it it was uh such a cool thing because usually, as it should be, we're the ones doing the food drives and things like that.

And so this morning to come in and see just all that uh food, we just really appreciate that.

You know, we're a volunteer uh church.

I volunteer, Susan volunteers, the entire worship team, anybody uh you see uh helping this morning and cleaning up afterwards.

And it's kind of a very unique thing.

And one of the things that it allows us to do is that when we give, we're not supporting a big organization.

You know, we're uh allowing us to be together, but we're also able to do a lot of good for a lot of people uh in the area.

And as you know, we don't pass a play, but there's giving stations in the back, or you can do that online.

Um so thank you for that.

Uh let's pray.

So, Father God, Abba Father, we do praise you.

We thank you for being such a good dad, for adopting us as your very own kids.

Holy Spirit, we thank you for being our counselor and our teacher, and we ask that you would teach us this morning that each of us would leave with something that we got directly from you.

And Jesus, we just praise you for being our Savior, for being our Lord, and especially for being our friend.

And so we thank you, and it's in your name we pray.

Amen.

Three weeks ago, we started a series that is 11 topics long.

You know, it's the longest we've ever done.

But we started by imagining a unique encounter.

And I want to repeat part of that because it's blessed the bikes this morning, and I know some of us are here for the first time, and this will kind of get us all on the same page.

But uh, if you will, imagine you're alone this afternoon, and a person approaches you, and immediately you get a sense of peace and goodness about them.

He says, I have something for you.

God has chosen you to be the next one.

Next what?

You ask the next to choose.

And he places in your hand a small book that looks and feels old and weathered.

It seems really small.

It's only about 25 pages long.

He says, In this book lies long life, riches, and honor.

God's hand picked you, he says, to be the next.

And so you might start to argue, you know, uh, I don't necessarily feel close to God.

Why would he handpick me?

Well, it's up to you, he says.

God says you are the next one.

This little book is going to ask you to make 11 choices, and if you will, you will have a long life, riches, and honor.

And one last thing he says is you have to commit.

You see your name there, you have to sign next to it.

And you can't help but notice that there's signatures below yours.

It's Tony Dungey, the football coach for the, or the Super Bowl-winning coach for the uh Colts.

It's Truid Cathy, the founder of Chick-fil-A, Sam Walton's there, Johnny Cash is there, General Patton's name's on there, Jonas Salk, C.S.

Lewis, the Wright brothers, George Washington, Christopher Columbus.

And the list just goes on and on until there's names you don't even recognize.

And then one name just jumps out, and it's Yeshua.

And it's Jesus, that Jesus himself had read and lived this book.

And the man says, Well, it's your turn now.

And so you go ahead and sign, and he says, I'll see you again in August.

That's when I pass it on to the next one.

Eleven choices, and everything in your life will be better.

Friends, family, your entire future changed.

Eleven choices and a long life, riches, and honor are yours.

And so you look at the small book in your hand and you can't believe this is happening to you.

You look up and he's gone.

The book is still with you.

And you open to the first page.

I mean, could that really happen?

Could God really hand pick you?

Could God give you a book that if you read it and applied it and made some simple choices, you could have long life, you could have riches and honor?

Proverbs 3.15 says, Wisdom is more precious than rubies.

Nothing you desire can compare with her.

She offers you long life in her right hand and riches and honor in her left.

She will guide you down delightful paths.

All her ways are satisfying.

You know, we're not talking about riches by American standards, but just a good life where we have more than enough, enough to share, good health, good reputations.

Proverbs 4 10 says, My child, listen to me and do as I say, and you will have a long, good life.

Proverbs 19.

People who cherish understanding will prosper.

So we started three weeks ago, and then over the course of the summer, we're going to be confronted with 11 choices.

And they're all found in this little book, the book of Proverbs.

The first was to seek wisdom, see the value in being wise, reading Proverbs and asking God to supernaturally make us more wise.

I could have just tried to make it through, but that would not have been wise.

Okay, the first was to seek wisdom, see the value of being wise.

Reading Proverbs, then asking God to help, to supernaturally make us more wise.

The second choice was to work hard.

Because God says in Proverbs that hard work always pays off.

You know, even if our employer or our spouse or our children don't notice, God notices.

And he says if we work hard, that he will reward us.

Last week's choice was our words, to speak truth, to speak less, but especially to speak life, to encourage and find things to praise.

And this morning we have the perfect choice for bless the bikes.

In Proverbs 27, 17, it says, As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.

This morning, our choice will be to choose our friends.

I say that's the perfect choice for bless the bikes because so many of us that have motorcycles, you know, we I like riding alone, you know, sometimes it's just uh to clear my head and it's relaxing.

But there's nothing like riding with good friends.

Motorcycles and friendships definitely go together.

And what we're gonna see is that God says we choose a great life.

And one of the most important choices we will make is who we choose for our friends.

In Proverbs 13, it says, Become wise by walking with the wise, hang out with fools, and watch your life fall to pieces.

C.

S.

Lewis said, the next best thing to be in wise oneself is to live in a circle of those who are.

And we use the words friends in a lot of different ways.

You know, we have friends at work and friends at school and friends in the neighborhood and friends at church.

In Proverbs, we're talking about these overriding principles.

And we're really talking about, you know, our good friends, friends that we do life with, that we live life with.

And God says one of the main things that will determine the quality of our life is the quality of our friends.

And so when we talk over the next few minutes, I think we're gonna appreciate the great friends that we have.

Some of us are gonna be challenged, um, that we might need to make some different friends.

And hopefully we'll all be encouraged just to be the best friends that we can be.

This is a lot more difficult topic than it seems.

You know, friends, it seems like an easy topic, but it's actually a very tough topic.

Um many of us, I'd say most of us, at some point in our life, wish we just had a friend, any friend.

And the idea of eliminating or choosing friends is overwhelming and maybe even discouraging.

But I have a promise for you, because it's God's promise, not mine, is that if we decide to be good friends and to choose good friends, God will give us the friendships we desire.

There's one verse we talk about a lot because it applies to really any big topic, and it's something Jesus said.

He said in Matthew 7, you parents, if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them a stone instead?

Or if they ask for a fish, do you give them a snake?

Of course not.

So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly father give good gifts to those who ask him?

And so if we understand the value of great friends, we decide to be a great friend ourselves, God will give us great friends.

He wants to.

One of the greatest gifts he could give his kids is good friends.

And then there's another thing, too, in Proverbs, God shares a secret to making great friends.

It's the last thing we'll talk about this morning, and it's simple and it's powerful, and it's very practical.

Now, most weeks we have to remind ourselves of why the first choice is wisdom.

The reason the first choice is wisdom is because we have to really want it.

We have to really seek it.

It has to be really important to us because the rest of the choices can be tough.

You know, and so we have to have a determination that we're gonna make some of these tough choices if we want to live a great life.

God's wisdom on friends is broken down into three categories: people to not be friends with, the value of a great friend, and how to make great friends.

For the first 22 years of my life, I didn't really think about choosing friends.

If somebody was decent and they were fun, you know, we we'd be friends.

Uh then I was told I needed to make a conscious choice.

It was early in my business career.

I talked uh a couple weeks ago about how starting at Dunham Brad Street and um how through uh hard work and God's favor got into this executive training program, and it was uh taught by the chairman and the president and the chief sales guy at this company.

And I mentioned how the chairman came in, and the first thing he wanted to tell us was how hard work was the great equalizer.

Uh the president of the company was a name, a guy named Jack Murray.

Um, and the first time he talked, he talked about friends.

Specifically, he said we needed to decide who we were going to hang out with at work.

He said, you just have to choose.

In a company, there's always a group of people uh who are unhappy about something, complaining, cynical.

He says, it is almost impossible to succeed if they are your friends.

There's also a group, he said, who are positive and work hard and appreciative of opportunities.

They notice things that could be better, but they work hard to make it a company that they'd be proud to work at.

If they're your friends, he said, it's almost impossible not to succeed.

This was a guy who grew two very big, very successful businesses.

He was a good guy.

And the first thing he wanted to tell this group of really young people was it was critical who our friends are.

Bill Cosby once said, Show me your five closest friends and I'll show you your future.

It's true in most areas of our lives.

If we want to be happy and be everything God created us to be, we just can't hang out with constantly discontented people.

You know, if you're a high school senior and you're graduating, you're going off to college, when you get there, there's gonna be a group of students who don't like the school.

You know, the administration's gonna be stupid, the rules are stupid, the requirements are stupid.

Then there's gonna be a group that love the school.

You know, they're and they have fun and and there's uh they study and they work on projects trying to make the school a better place.

I mean, choose them.

Choose those people, and you'll have fun and you'll have a successful time at school.

And it's it's true anywhere, you know, the homeowners association or the PTA, you know, with kids and athletics, there's always two groups of parents.

It's the parents who complain about the coaches and the parents who try to help the coaches.

Choose them.

Philippians 2 says, do everything without complaining and arguing.

To live a great life, one type of person we need to avoid is someone who is constantly complaining and criticizing and negative.

I think that's why we enjoy his hand so much, as everyone is so loving and positive.

And we all didn't arrive that way.

Um, I didn't.

But God is changing us and transforming us all the time.

I say that because these are principles, and that's what makes it tough.

The principles about the people we should or should not hang out with, live life with.

And there's gonna be exceptions.

There's gonna be times where we befriend someone, you know, purposefully to help them and to encourage them.

The Holy Spirit may put it on us and empower us to help someone, encourage someone.

But as far as our everyday friends, we just have to be cautious and wise.

And so, in general, we should avoid complainers and we should also avoid people who talk bad about other people.

Proverbs 20, a gossip goes around telling secrets.

So don't hang around with chatterers.

Okay, so none of us are perfect.

In fact, all of us might slip into one of these categories at one time or another.

But there are people who consistently talk negatively about other people.

If we listen to them, well, one thing, I'll bet you anything, within 90 days, it's us they're talking negatively about.

But the other thing is every encounter we have, we leave just feeling a little worse.

And so if they're good friends, we can talk to them.

You know, and perhaps they can grow in that area.

Otherwise, don't be friends with them at all.

If we are that person, we have to ask God just to change us.

Or it'll be tough for us to ever have good friends ourselves.

There's another type of person to avoid.

People who are angry a lot.

Now, most of us can get angry every now and then, but if someone is consistently angry, run.

They are gonna ruin your life.

And before long, you'll start getting angry yourself.

In Proverbs 22, it says, Don't befriend angry people or associate with hot-tempered people, or you will learn to be like them and endanger your soul.

Now, the thing is, if we have a good friend and we notice that, we can talk to them and hopefully we can help them overcome that.

It's not like we have to decide this morning, you know, here's the list, and you're out.

But it's the type of people we want to have lifelong friendships with.

I've got I've got a really good friend and um, great guy in so many areas.

And we we used to play golf together, and he got mad every time he played golf.

And he was a really good player, and if he wasn't playing up to his expectations, which was every time, um, he got mad.

And it's so like after this third hole, he's angry, you know, and and he's slamming clubs, and usually he was just at himself.

One time we're at a par three, and there's a group ahead of us, and he starts yelling at them from our T-box to them because they're playing too slow, where I always just hit right into them and it speeds them up.

But and so finally I said, you know what?

I just can't play golf with you anymore.

I just can't.

It's no fun.

I mean, you you you stress me out, you're just mad all the time.

And so it was probably three weeks later, he called me and and thanked me for that.

And um and said he really wanted to do better at that.

And he has, and and honestly, he enjoys playing now, and he's not mad at all.

And um he's a great great guy to play with.

And so the first thing we do, if we see someone, if we have a friend, you know, we encourage them and we try to try to help them.

Um one of the confusing things talking about friendships is that God is asking us to make judgments about people.

Now there's a difference in judging someone feeling like I can decide what their standing with God is, or feeling like I'm better than they are.

Um because we're not.

But we do have to make wise judgments about people.

Who we should be friends with, we have to make wise judgments about people.

And thankfully, God gives us a simple way to do it.

In Proverbs 20, verse 11, it says, even children are known by the way they act, whether their conduct is pure and whether it is right.

Proverbs 20:11

Jesus said, yes, just as you can identify a tree by its fruit, so you can identify people by their actions.

A few weeks ago, I was talking to a friend at work, and he was describing a guy, and he says, Well, he's really a good guy.

He just has a big problem with anger.

And I said, You're wrong.

He's not really a good guy.

Good guys don't have big problems with anger.

Again, that's within the context of who we should choose to be our friends.

We have to see things clearly.

If we're gonna choose friends, we have to see things clearly.

She's really a great person.

She's just really arrogant all the time.

Well, you know, she's not really a great person.

He's really a good guy, he just sleeps around.

He's not a great guy.

You know, we have to think clearly and wisely.

Jesus said, you can identify a tree by its fruit, you can identify people by their actions.

I said this would be difficult because we're talking about real people and real relationship, but God says if we want to have a life that'll be prosperous and honorable and healthy, we must choose our friends.

About 20 years ago, I made a key decision in my life.

I don't remember exactly what prompted it.

I think it was reading a book, and it might have even been Proverbs, but I decided I could not have any.

Emotional drainers as friends.

And to me, an emotional drainer is kind of what we're talking about, people that are always negative or critical or complaining or maybe really self-absorbed.

And when I was around them, I was always more tired, you know, when I left.

It's hard to explain, but you probably know what I mean if you've had friends like that.

You know, all friends are gonna have rough times where we got to pour into them and we help them and that type of stuff.

But all of us only have so much emotional and physical and spiritual energy.

You know, and I share, I spend that on people all the time.

You know, it's what we do.

We share that with people during the week, and then we come back on Sunday and we get refilled up, and so we can go back out and do that again.

And so the more that we have, the more that we can share.

And I cannot have friends that constantly drain that.

So I don't.

I don't even have one friend that doesn't love God, see the best in situations, is trustworthy.

And I have the best friends.

I mean, I'm so thankful for them.

If I need wise counsel about anything, you know, uh Suzani's marriage, uh a legal situation, a financial situation.

If I need prayer, medical help, you know, if I need to know how to help someone who's strung out, I have a great friend who cares about me that I can go to.

And one of the reasons I have such great friends, I mean, the overriding reason is because God has been so kind to me.

But one of the reasons I have such great friends is I made a choice not to have any bad ones.

Great friends are amazing.

We can rely on great friends.

If they tell us something, it's as good as done.

Proverbs 25 says, reliable friends who do what they say are like cool drinks in sweltering heat, refreshing.

Proverbs 18 says, there are friends who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother.

Now, friends are loyal, they hang in there with us.

Proverbs 17 says, a friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of needs.

One thing about having wise friends is that they have our backs.

Proverbs 2 says, wise friends will rescue you from the temptress, that smooth talking seductress.

Okay, this is a real situation for a lot of people.

Most men and women are susceptible to an affair given the right set of circumstances.

Satan's always trying to put that set of circumstances together.

A great friend sees a situation and says, Oh no, you don't.

We're leaving right now.

Or, you know, you two are getting too close.

Or whatever it is, great friends have our backs.

Many a marriage has been saved by a great friend.

Many a marriage has been ruined by foolish friends.

We have to choose great friends.

They totally affect what type of life we will live.

Friends give us great advice because they don't have any ulterior motive.

It's just pure advice.

Proverbs 27 says, the heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense.

Great friends correct us when we're not thinking right.

You know, it saves us so much trouble, it saved me so much trouble.

Proverbs 27 says, wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy.

Proverbs 25, 11 says, the right word at the right time is like a custom-made piece of jewelry.

And a wise friend's timely reprimand is like a gold ring slipped on your finger.

Friends are there to celebrate, you know, good times and bad.

Proverbs 17 says, Friends love through all kinds of weather, and families stick together in all kinds of trouble.

So if we're gonna have everything God wants and His plan for us, we just have to choose great friends.

So how?

How do we have good friends?

There's two main ways.

Proverbs 22, 11 says, Whoever loves a pure heart and gracious speech will have the king as a friend.

And so what that means is it starts with us.

You know, like attracts like.

So if we ask God to transform us from the inside out, the things that we value start to change.

And pretty soon we value a pure heart.

We're not as impressed by status.

You know, we're we're impressed by humility and integrity and being loving and being kind.

We value gracious speech.

You know, just like we talked about last week, we want to be around people that tell the truth and are encouraging and aren't always cutting people down.

God says if we value those things, pure hearts, gracious speech, that even powerful people will want to be our friends.

If we wish we had just a friend, one good friend, or if we wish we had more good friends, I think this next piece of God's wisdom is going to be huge.

Seriously, God is about to tell us how to meet and make great friends.

I mean, for some of this, it could be a life-changing piece of wisdom.

And it's one simple thing.

It's Proverbs 18, 19.

Do a favor and wind a friend forever.

Nothing can untie that bond.

If you want to have good friends, identify good people and help them.

Just help them.

You know, this made me think through kind of my circle of closest friends and how many of them have either helped me or I've helped them.

And then eventually we all help each other.

You know, uh, Charles is a friend I just made this year.

He wrote in this morning with some of his friends.

Now, he is helping me.

And I appreciate it a lot, and we've become friends.

Someday, somehow, I'll be able to help him.

I have a close friend, Wilson Kalaba, who's a church leader over in Uganda.

Um, we got to be friends because I was helping him.

And it made us close.

And now we're friends.

There's a book entitled, uh, I've talked about it before, How to Win Friends and Influence People.

The last two companies that I was involved with, before anyone, including the one now, before anyone starts on the first day, they have to read this book.

And the title sounds a little manipulative, but it's not at all.

It's a book about becoming selfless, about caring about other people, about serving other people, about listening to other people, about caring what other people want.

And that is how we make friends with good people.

I'm not suggesting necessarily that you target someone, but good people, the type of people we want to be friends with, you know, they're involved in helping others.

They're leading the ministry, they are part of a charity, uh, whatever it is, and they need help.

You know, I thought of 15 people off the top of my head here that lead different volunteer groups.

And all of them could use help.

And all of them would make great friends for anyone.

But it doesn't have to be here, it could be any cause, it could be, it could be anywhere.

And our help could be time, our help could be financial, it could be with our specific skill set, whatever.

Just help.

God says you will make a friend for life.

I uh have an opportunity to talk with different people pretty consistently that are often in really bad situations.

And one of the things that they consistently share is I wish I had better friends.

And so I usually ask, you know, well, are you in the men's group, or are you in the ladies' group, are you in the motorcycle group, or are you on a volunteer team?

And consistently, the answer is no, I've really been meaning to do that.

But to make these choices require action.

That's why it's difficult.

It's not like we're sitting back just waiting for good friends to happen to us.

It's a choice.

We have to take action, and then God blesses that action.

It was like the General Patton quote that I like.

You know, a good plan violently executed today is better than a great plan executed next week.

We've got to take action.

We've got to do something.

And God says that if we'll find someone to help, we'll make a lifelong friend.

Proverbs 27 says, as iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.

This little book of God's wisdom was written 2,500 years ago.

It's only 25 pages long in my Bible.

It was written mostly by Solomon.

But if we read what it tells us, really take it to heart and choose wisdom, it will change our lives.

And so today is choice number four.

I will choose my friends.

I'll not sell for the comfort of people who have low expectations of me.

I'll no longer stay in harm's way because of the foolishness of my friends.

I'll become a great friend myself, reliable and trustworthy.

I'll have my friends' backs, and I'll choose friends that inspire me and encourage me and love me.

And I know my future looks good because I can see it in my friends.

And I will choose my friends.

That's a great choice.

And we'll stop here if the worship team wants to come up.

Let's uh let's stand, we'll get ready for one last song together.

Jesus said, I'm no longer calling you servants.

Because servants don't understand what their master is thinking and planning.

No, I've named you friends because I've let you in on everything I've heard from the Father.

The greatest wisest choice any of us ever make is to choose Jesus as a friend.

And it's not complicated.

You know, religion makes things so complex.

It is, in fact, so simple.

It's in our own words, in our own way.

Just turning to Jesus, saying that.

You know, I want you to be my friend.

I want to follow you.

It might be save me, help me, forgive me, wherever we're at.

But it's as simple as that.

Each of us was created in God's very own image.

And so that means we're created with the Spirit.

And when we make that choice, our spirit comes alive.

We connect with God's Spirit, and then He starts changing us.

He does the heavy lifting.

We begin to transform from the inside out, and then everything around us begins to change as well.

What a great choice to choose Jesus as your friend.

So we're going to finish up here in a minute, then we'll go outside, and we'll have a great time.

We'll get to pray for everyone.

I'm not sure I said that after that, we're going to crank all the bikes up at the same time, which is one of the beautiful, most beautiful sounds uh you and everyone five miles from here will ever hear.

I'm gone for the next couple weeks and I'll be back.

But during uh June, Ken Kington is going to be speaking.

And he's got a great uh message and he's really excited about sharing.

And on July 1st, we'll start back and then we'll go for the last uh seven great choices we can make from Proverbs.

Let's pray.

Father, we just praise you.

We thank you for just taking the time and trouble to give us this wisdom that is truly life-changing.

And we just ask that you would just supernaturally make us wise.

And you would stir up our hearts.

And so we desire wisdom and we want to make wise choices.

And it's important to us, and we want to read what you say about it.

And we do ask you to give each of us good friends and help us each to be great friends too.

And Father, there's so many needs different ones of us have this morning.

I just pray that you would bless each of us with everything that we need.

And we praise you and we thank you.

Jesus, it's in your great name we pray.

Amen.