The Choice - A Great Marriage

Good morning.

Couple uh quick announcements.

Um the main one really is that we have Red Cross training coming up.

Uh we're uh mega uh relief center, and that is uh the 28th of July from 8 a.m.

to 5 a.m.

and it's free of charge.

And if you uh come get trained for a day, then you can not only help here, but you can help uh at any other shelter as well.

Um let's pray.

Father, we just thank you for being such a great God for adopting each of us as your very own children.

We praise you for that.

I ask you to be with us this morning, Holy Spirit.

If you just give each of us one thing that we could take away that we know is for us from you.

And Jesus, we thank you for being our friend and our savior.

And it's in your name we pray.

Amen.

All right, I needed that prayer because I'm uh playing a little hurt this morning, so you're gonna have to uh um hopefully stick with me.

Um this morning we're gonna continue soaking up God's wisdom.

You know, when I read uh a book, any book, uh maybe it's a business book or something like that, I'm usually just looking to get one idea, you know, because if I got 15 ideas, I wouldn't really be able to apply them anyway.

And so I'm just looking, man, if I could just get one idea that I could uh apply to my life.

And so that's what I'm hoping this morning, that uh that each of us can leave with just that that one idea.

And we've we're taking 11 weeks and we're trying to just really, I guess, soak in God's wisdom.

You know, it is a very small book, the book of Proverbs, 25 pages long in my uh Bible.

It's uniquely set up so we could read it every day.

There's 31 chapters in Proverbs, and so we can read the corresponding chapter to the to the day of the week.

And over time it is just so life-changing.

I mean, it literally will change our lives as we get more and more of God's wisdom.

In Proverbs 3, it says, Joyful is the person who finds wisdom, the one who gains understanding.

For wisdom is more profitable than silver, and her wages are better than gold.

Wisdom is more precious than rubies, nothing you desire can compare with her.

She offers you long life in her right hand and riches and honor in her left.

She will guide you down delightful paths, all her ways are satisfying.

Wisdom is a tree of life to those who embrace her.

Happy are those who hold her tightly.

Proverbs 9 says, Wisdom has built her house, she has carved its seven columns, she's prepared a great banquet, mixed the wines, and set the table.

She has sent her servants to invite everyone to come.

She calls out from the heights overlooking the city.

Come in with me, she urges of the simple.

To those who lack good judgment, she says, Come eat my food and drink the wine I have mixed, leave your simple ways behind and begin to live.

Learn to use good judgment.

So if any of us can ever say we've made a bad decision at one time or another in any way, then we can all agree that we need more of God's wisdom.

Proverbs 14 says, there's a path before each person that seems right, but it ends in death.

See, God's wisdom can save us from our thinking or our emotions or our insecurities or anything that drives a bad decision.

And so we're in the seven weeks of, in week seven of 11 weeks, and we've made some great choices together.

We've chosen to seek wisdom, we've chosen to work hard, we've chosen to choose our words, choose our friends, we've chosen self-control, and we chose last week to do good.

And so I want to start today with two of my favorite Proverbs.

The first is Proverbs 16, 31.

It is gained by living a godly life.

Okay, that's got nothing to do with what we're talking about this morning.

But it just needed to be shared.

Now, the second may be my very favorite, and it is what we're talking about this morning.

In Proverbs 5, it says, Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you.

Rejoice in the wife of your youth.

She is a loving deer, a graceful doe.

Let her breast satisfy you always.

May you always be captivated by her love.

I gotta admit, that's a good proverb.

Thank God.

So this morning, our choice is a great marriage.

And God's wisdom is going to help all of us, whether we're single, divorced, married, somewhere in between those three, there'll be principles God taught Solomon that can apply to all of us.

You remember the book, The Shack?

Well, William Young wrote that, and he wrote it for his kids.

And then a friend of his read it, and they decided together that they should self-publish it.

It became a worldwide bestseller.

And uh Proverbs is really kind of the same thing because it was written, um, Solomon wrote it for his sons.

And it's for everyone, but it's especially written uh for sons.

So we'll see in Proverbs 5, or it says, My sons, listen to me.

And because of that, they're written in a primarily male perspective, you know, um, but they're equally applicable to men and women, and they're not really chauvinistic at all, because wisdom is personified as a woman, for one thing.

And then there's one narrative that says this is what a wise life looks like.

And that's found at the very end of Proverbs, and that in fact is a woman.

You know, and so it's uh when when we're looking at it, uh it's gonna be written mainly to his sons, but we can equally apply it to men or women.

Susan I are celebrating our 29th anniversary in August.

Um in fact, she just suggested a minute ago that we do a QA instead of me talking about marriage.

But uh I'm not sure you're ready for that.

Um I jokingly say the first 28 and a half years are the hardest.

But the truth is the first 15 were the hardest.

And and what happened 14 years ago was the Holy Spirit got a hold of us and started changing us from the inside out.

And as we got healthier individually, our relationship got healthier.

And uh it's so satisfying now because we've experienced so much together.

No one has affected uh my life more than Susan.

I would say, next to deciding to trust Jesus, marrying Susan was easily the most important decision I've ever made in my life.

And if there's anything we need God's wisdom on, it's marriage.

And God and Solomon had three basic pieces of wisdom when it comes to marriage.

And the first is choose a spouse carefully.

Now, there's this sense that love is like this serendipity sort of thing, you know, where we meet our soulmate, we fall in love, and the rest is history.

God's wisdom is about choices.

I mean, there are countless people we could be married to.

And in general, it is our job to search and find and choose the right one.

This decision is going to dramatically affect our lives.

It can be a great positive.

Proverbs 18, 22 says, the man who finds a wife finds a treasure and he receives favor from the Lord, or a great negative.

And Proverbs 21 says, it's better to live alone in the corner of an attic than with a quarrelsome wife or husband in a lovely home.

Proverbs 15 says, a bowl of vegetables with someone you love is better than steak with someone you hate.

Proverbs 17 says, better a dry crust eaten in peace than a house filled with feasting and conflict.

Proverbs 19 says, a quarrelsome wife is or husband is as annoying as constant dripping.

Proverbs 27 says, a quarrel quarrelsome husband is as annoying as constant dripping on a rainy day.

Stopping his complaints is like trying to stop the wind or trying to hold something with greased hands.

And so if we haven't chosen a spouse already, and many of us have, what does God want us to know?

What is God's wisdom?

First would be to choose a believer.

Now that might sound narrow-minded, but what we believe is going to be the foundation of our relationship.

We need to marry someone with the faith in Jesus.

Proverbs 9 10 says, Fear of the Lord is the foundation of wisdom.

Knowledge of the Holy One results in good judgment.

Proverbs 31 says, Charm is deceptive and beauty does not last, but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.

And so just because someone's charming or beautiful, it doesn't make them a great catch necessarily.

Someone who loves God is what is really important.

In 2 Corinthians 6, it says, Don't become partners with those who reject God.

How can you make a partnership out of right and wrong?

That's not partnership, that's war.

Bill Hybels has a book about marriage.

It's called Fit to Be Tied, and he says this.

He says, Marriage can be wonderful.

It can be deeply satisfying and mutually fulfilling.

But if it becomes that, it is because both partners have paid a very high price over many years to make it that way.

They'll have died to selfishness a thousand times, they will have had countless difficult conversations, they will have endured sleepless nights and strained days, they will have prayed hundreds of prayers for wisdom and patience and courage and understanding.

They'll have said, I'm sorry, too many times to remember.

They will have stretched to the breaking point often enough to have learned that unless Christ is at the center of both of their lives, the odds of achieving marital satisfaction are very, very low.

Now, Susan and I broke about every rule of wisdom there is in choosing a mate.

Except this one.

This was the one.

I mean, we both believed in Jesus.

And there were times that was the only thing we had in common.

Um, and I know for a fact that if it wasn't for that, there's 0% chance we'd be married today.

God is the only one that got us through.

He's the Holy Spirit walked us through all of our junk.

That is the most important choice that we'll make.

So, what if we're in love with someone now?

And we're hoping they connect with God, but they just haven't yet.

I mean, God's wisdom would say, wait.

Just wait.

See what happens.

Don't make a decision based on hope that might never happen.

I feel like that's kind of uh of a heavy one, if you will.

But I think it's supposed to be because it's one of the most important decisions we'll ever make.

And the most important decisions are often the hardest one.

So what if we're married now and our spouse doesn't share our faith?

Man, that was almost a disaster.

Because I'm not feeling good to begin with, and then I notes were out of order.

Okay, so Paul says this for the rest of you who are in mixed marriages, Christian, married, and non-Christian, we have no explicit command from the master.

So this is what you must do.

If you're a man with a wife who is not a believer, but who still wants to live with you, hold on to her.

If you're a woman with a husband who is not a believer, but he wants to live with you, hold on to him.

The unbelieving husband shares to an extent in the holiness of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is likewise touched by the holiness of her husband.

Otherwise, your children would be left out.

As it is, they are included in the spiritual purposes of God.

On the other hand, if the unbelieving spouse walks out, you've got to let him or her go.

You don't have to hold on desperately.

God has called us to make the best of it, as peaceful as we can.

You never know, wife, the way you handle this might bring your husband not only back to you, but to God.

You never know, husband, the way you handle this might bring your wife not only back to you, but to God.

And so the walking out part is pretty uncommon, I mean, in America.

But in Corinth or in parts of the world today, say a strict Jewish or Muslim culture, I mean, that would definitely still happen.

And so in our marriages, if we're not on the same page spiritually, we can just trust God to work all that out.

You know?

When it's still in our power to decide, we can make wise choices.

The second main thought in Proverbs is to slow down.

Proverbs 19 says, enthusiasm without knowledge is no good.

Haste makes mistakes.

I mean, even Elvis knew that wise men say only fools rush in.

You know, I look back on uh our marriage, and Susan and I literally did not know each other in any real way when we got married.

I mean, at the time we thought we did, we've been dating a while and that type of stuff, but now I look back and I mean we hardly knew each other at all.

And one of the things that that Heibel says emphatically is that if you're planning to get married, pick a date and then wait another year.

Now, if you're 85, you may want you might want to just jump right in.

But waiting, testing, seeing if the relationship will last through through some you know difficult times and really getting to know uh each other.

It's difficult advice, but it's it's wise advice.

I mean, if we were to buy an airplane, how careful would we inspect it?

You know, how much time would we take?

How thorough would we be?

Be like, well, the engine runs a little bit rough, but it's so beautiful.

You know, the rudder isn't exactly right, but I only feel complete when I'm with it.

The wing seems a little bit loose, but I just can't stop thinking about it.

Literally, our marriage is the second most important decision we'll ever make in our life.

Proverbs 19 says, People ruin their lives by their own foolishness and then are angry at the Lord.

So when it comes to getting married, we can take our time.

Just take our time and choose wisely.

Okay, so that is all advice before we're married.

Many of us are married.

Um, Proverbs has one really strong piece of advice.

It's repeated over and over and over throughout uh the book of Proverbs.

It says it in several different ways, and that is stay faithful.

Now, Solomon is so emphatic about this, and it's interesting because you know, his uh parents met through an affair.

And I can imagine both of his parents sharing their heartbreak over that, over Bathsheba and her husband being killed and all that.

You know, it was a moment of character failure that really defined David's whole life.

And so David's son Solomon writes this but the man who commits adultery is an utter fool, for he destroys himself.

He'll be wounded and disgraced, his shame will never be erased.

Solomon also writes, So now, my sons, listen to me.

Never stray from what I'm about to say.

Stay away from her.

Don't go near the door of her house.

If you do, you will lose your honor and will lose to merciless people all you have achieved.

Strangers will consume your wealth, and someone else will enjoy the fruit of your labor.

In the end you will groan in anguish when disease consumes your body.

You will say, How I hated discipline.

If only I had ignored all the warnings.

If only I had not ignored all the warnings.

Oh, why didn't I listen to my teachers?

Why didn't I pay attention to my instructors?

I've come to the brink of utter ruin, and now I must face public disgrace.

Drink from your own well share, your love only, drink from your own well, share your love only with your wife.

Why spill the water of your springs in the streets having sex with just anyone?

You should reserve it for yourselves, never share it with strangers.

And Solomon says this He says, Don't lust for her beauty, don't let her coy glances seduce you, for a prostitute will bring you to poverty, but sleeping with another man's wife will cost you your life.

Can a man scoop a flame into his lap and not have his clothes catch on fire?

Can he walk on hot coals and not blister his feet?

So it is with the man who sleeps with another man's wife.

He who embraces her will not go unpunished.

And then Paul would add this if you think you're standing strong, be careful not to fall.

It's a combination of personal character, it's a combination of wise choices, treating each other in a way that doesn't create an unusual vulnerability.

Sometimes if a wife has an affair, she might receive the blame.

But if the husband spent all his time working and on his hobbies and didn't make her a priority, then he shares in the responsibility.

So that is the I guess maybe the key piece of uh of wisdom in Proverbs about marriage is just repeated over and over and over.

Faithfulness.

Do whatever we can, whatever it takes to stay faithful.

Now none of us can change the past, but we can change the present.

So if we're flirting with disaster, if we're on a track towards unfaithfulness or being unfaithful now, we can make a choice today.

Right now.

It is not gonna happen or it's not gonna continue.

Proverbs 22 says, the prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty.

It's a choice.

Well, stuff in the past, we can't change that.

We just have to move forward from here.

In Titus 3, it says, It wasn't so long ago that we ourselves were stupid and stubborn dupes of sin, ordered every which way by our glands, going around with a chip on our shoulder, hated and hating back.

But when God, our kind and loving Savior, God, stepped in, he saved us from all that.

It was all his doing.

We had nothing to do with it.

He gave us a good bath.

And we came out of it new people, washed inside and out by the Holy Spirit.

Our Savior Jesus poured out new life so generously.

God's gift has restored our relationship with Him and given us back our lives, and there's more life to come.

An eternity of life, you can count on this.

This is the essence of essence of Jesus' message that God loves us, that He's not mad at us, He's not given up on us, He has a future for us.

He's forgiven all of us so much, you know, and perhaps anyone that we've hurt in Our lives has forgiven us too.

In Philippians 3, it says, No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead.

You know, and so we just have to move forward from here.

Wherever we're at, you know, the whole the point is we just move forward from here.

There are several other Proverbs that are so important in marriage, like love prospers when a fault is forgiven.

But I want to finish on one that means more to me the longer Susan and I are married.

It's Proverbs 25.

It says, the purposes of a person's heart are deep waters.

But one who has insight draws them out.

I mean, there is joy and depth in a relationship that only happens when we really get to know each other.

You know, what are each other's hopes?

What are our fears?

What are our faults?

What are our insecurities?

What are our frustrations?

What gives us joy?

Accepting that we're flawed, but loving each other anyway.

Those are deep waters, you know?

And a person who's wise draws those out, really gets to know each other, really becomes, I guess, intimate with each other.

It took a long time for Susan and I to get there.

And I'll say that I was definitely the holdup.

You know, I think Susan's always wanted that, a really close, intimate relationship where we really knew each other.

Um and for the most part, I'd say that we have that now.

But it took a lot of work and it took a lot of effort.

And the way it feels to me, I guess, now is relaxed.

It just feels relaxed.

We just enjoy being with each other.

And it's uh it's worth all the work.

All right, that was a lot of Proverbs kind of running the gamut on marriage.

That's kind of why I started by saying, hopefully, that we can each get one thing, because we're we're all in different places, you know, and there's a lot of different Proverbs, but if we just get one thing that God would give us to hold on to.

And so this morning, we choose a great marriage.

We'll pick our spouses carefully.

If we still can, we'll stay faithful, and we'll ask God to help us have a relationship that is deep and intimate and wonderful.

So today we choose a great marriage.

The worship team will come up, we'll stop right there.

Let's uh let's stand, we'll get ready for the last song together.

You know, we can all have a great marriage.

We can all have a great marriage because we are all, in a sense, married to Jesus.

And we're we're called the bride of Christ.

And the relationship that he wants with us is really a picture of what we can have, what our marriages can be.

In Matthew 11, 28 it says, Are you tired, worn out, burned out on religion?

Come to me.

Get away with me, and you'll recover your life.

I'll show you how to take a real rest.

Walk with me and work with me.

Watch how I do it.

Learn the unforced rhythms of grace.

I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you.

Keep company with me, and you'll learn to live freely and lightly.

So keeping company with Jesus is easy.

It's really in our own words, in our own way, just turning to Him.

And it could be anything.

It could be, Jesus, save me.

Jesus, I need your help.

Jesus, forgive me.

Um, whatever it is, in our own words, in our own way.

We're all created in the image of God with the Spirit.

And when we turn to Jesus, our Spirit comes alive, connects with his spirit.

Then he does the heavy lifting.

He starts changing us from the inside out.

So we can still do that this morning.

All right.

Thanks for hanging with me today.

I'm uh really struggling, but I think I got most out of what uh what I wanted to say.

But uh thankfully it's uh God's wisdom uh not man's.

Let's pray.

Father, we just thank you for being such a great God, for loving us, for adopting us as your very own children, for letting us call you daddy, father, Abba, Father.

And God, in our relationships, they're just so difficult sometimes, but uh they can be so wonderful.

So everyone here this morning, I just ask you to bless our relationships, whether we're married, whether it's uh parent and child, whether it's friends, whatever it is, that uh you would just uh flow through us and build great relationships.

And we trust you in Jesus' name.

Amen.