In Relation To: Wives

Well, good morning.

I hope everybody's doing well this morning.

Are we good?

Good, good.

I'm glad because we're gonna be talking about how wives should submit to their husbands.

What could possibly go wrong?

I wonder if I actually drew the short straw in being the one to bring this conversation to us today.

Um, because this is kind of one of those things in society that we all have our opinions coming in or experiences, and um, so lucky me, woo-hoo, but but lucky you, I have prayed, I've prayed all week long, so I feel really excited about this message.

And personally, I'm excited about this message because the Lord has changed my life.

He has changed my life, and a lot of it has to do with what he has shown me and taught me about being a woman who submits to her husband and the beauty and the power that comes along with it.

And the most loving thing I can do with experiencing that from God is to share it with my brothers and sisters.

And so I'm very excited about this morning.

Um, but before we get started, it's it's important that we're on the same page about a few things.

Um, so the first thing is that this message is for every single person in this room.

It's for all of us.

It's for all of us.

If you're here today and you you are not yet a believer, you're here, you're seeking, you have questions about who Jesus is.

First of all, I am really glad you're here, and I'm really glad that you are here for this conversation today.

I did not become a believer till I was 23 years old.

So I spent much of my life kind of resistant, resistant, not just like open, but resistant.

And one of the reasons I was resistant as a woman is because this truth that we're gonna talk about today had been twisted in such a way that I didn't want anything to do with because it looked like women were oppressed.

So if you are seeking today, I am so glad you're here because you're gonna hear the truth today and be able to make an informed decision.

Now, if you are here today and you are a believer, you are a follower of Jesus Christ, I don't care if you're a man or a woman or what season of life you're in, if you're married or not, you need to hear this message because if we are calling ourselves believers, followers of Jesus, he wants us to understand every word that's in the Bible.

His word, he wants us to have full knowledge.

It's not just cherry-picking of what is applicable to me today.

It's all applicable all the time if we are calling ourselves believers, followers.

Um, the other thing that we need to understand about this and why it's so important that we all listen is because just as Justin was saying in Ephesians 5.21, we are called to submit to one another.

We're all called to submit to one another.

And so today we get to look at what that looks like as a woman, but it's just one more example for us as Jesus followers to see what it looks like to be a servant, to see what it looks like to submit.

So while the target audience is wives today, it's really all of us who call ourselves Jesus followers.

So I just wanted to start off with that, and I want to tell you a couple other two things.

Um, the first I want you to know, um, and I know you know this, but I want you to know that I know this is that I am not an expert.

I am not the perfect wife, I'm not the perfect human.

I know that we all know that none of us are perfect, but I want you to know, because I'm standing up here today, that I know, and I I really don't have it all figured out.

I mean, I'm making progress.

I'm making progress, I'm moving in the right direction.

Last two weeks ago, um, in anger, I threw a sock at my husband's face.

And you might be like, really, Elon, a sock?

Well, listen, 17 years ago it was a light bulb.

I I'm not really proud of that.

I'm really, and by the way, if I had had a light bulb in my hand, would I have thrown it?

I I don't know.

I don't know.

Um, no, I wouldn't have thrown it.

No, the Lord has grown me.

Um, I just want you to know that I am a work in progress.

My husband is a work in progress.

Um, he comes to the second service, so I'm gonna work it out with you guys.

Um, before I know he's gonna hear what I have to say, but I told him, I'm like, you know that if I'm gonna talk about our marriage, I have to like pull back, you know, the curtain a little bit, and he's like, oh gosh, oh, here we go.

So I may have to ask him for forgiveness, but I want you to know something on the forefront.

My husband, Tab, and I have been married for almost 17 years.

We have three daughters together.

I love being his wife.

I love it, and I'm not just saying that because I have a microphone and I feel like I should.

I love my man and I want to do everything I can to bring him honor while also being transparent with you about who I am and where my faults are, where maybe we struggle together, and hope that it will bless you.

Okay, so I want you to understand that.

The next thing I want you to understand is I've only got like 25 minutes.

Which I'm gonna honor that time, but I this is such an important topic.

It is such an important topic, and there's just no way to cover it all.

I feel like we should have a series about how to be the wife that we're called to be.

And maybe that's a class that maybe I would I would be able to teach, and we could do like lots of lots, oh, well, okay.

I I know one thing though, if we do a class, I will not call it how to submit to your husbands, because no one will come to that one.

So I'll come up with some catchy name to lure you in, and then when I've got you, I'll tell you, okay?

Um, and then the last thing that I want you to know, and this is to the women in the room, um, I really want you to know the heart with which I come to you today.

Um, I want you to know that I'm coming to you as a friend.

I don't know if you've had a friend, ladies, who has shared a piece of advice with you from her experience that has like revolutionized your life.

I remember when I had had our third child, I um the grocery store became this like overwhelming I can't even deal type of thing.

And I actually like grocery shopping, just not with my kids.

And so I came to her and I'm like, I don't know what I'm gonna do.

How am I gonna go to the grocery store without it taking eight million hours and all sorts of stuff?

And she told me one word, revolutionized my life.

Instacart.

Anybody?

Okay, click list or Walmart grocery pickup.

Okay, I'm just telling you, revolutionized.

And and and this is a season of my life where I need to utilize that because I work and my husband's busy and we've got lots of kids.

And so, but I'm just telling you, it revolutionized my life.

And my friend, she cared about making my life a little bit better.

So she shared that with a heart of trying to help me, and I just want you to know I'm coming to you humbly.

Now I get passionate, we all know that I can get fired up sometimes, but I want you to know that in the heart of my heart, that I come to you humbly to encourage you.

As a friend, as a sister, I want your lives to be successful.

I want your life to be revolutionized.

And so that is the heart with which I bring everything I'm about to bring to you, to you.

Okay?

So should we get started?

Okay, let's do this.

Okay.

All right.

Men need help.

There, amen.

We can just go.

Men need help.

Men, we love you, but you need our help.

You need our help.

And apparently, ladies' wives, we are the chosen ones to be the ones to help them.

Woohoo! I actually, you know what?

Believe it or not, those are not my words.

Those are actually from God in the very beginning.

And I love it when we unpack God's word and we get to start at the very beginning because it really helps us understand what we're about to talk about.

So let's look at the very beginning in Genesis chapter two.

I'm gonna read it nice and slow so we can hear this whole thing.

Starting in verse 18.

Then the Lord God said, It is not good for the man to be alone.

I will make a helper who is just right for him.

So the Lord God formed from the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the sky.

He brought them to the man to see what he would call them, and the man chose a name for each one.

He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and all the wild animals.

But still there was no helper just right for him.

So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep.

While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the man's ribs and closed up the opening.

Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib and he brought her to the man.

At last, the man exclaimed.

You hear that?

At last, the man exclaimed, ladies, he was glad that we're born.

Our men are happy that we're here.

Guys are like, um, I don't I didn't say that.

Um the one, this one, this one is bone from my bone and flesh from my flesh.

She will be called woman because she was taken from man.

This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.

Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame.

There's so many things that we can grab from the scripture that is so good, but there's three that just kind of jump right out to us.

And the first is that God made man and woman a just right fit for each other.

Regardless of how you feel about each other right now, I want you to know that God made you and your husband, husbands, you and your wife, a just right fit for one another.

The other thing that jumps out to me is a husband and a wife are created to be one flesh with each other.

They were created to share each other with each other.

Regardless of how we feel about our spouse, you are created to be one, united with your husband.

And the third thing that jumps out that we've already talked about is men need help.

They need help.

God said it.

He said it in his word.

And and the cool thing is, is that we as women were created perfectly to be exactly the help that they need.

The problem is that this idea of a helpmate for a husband has been so twisted in our world that we don't really know what's true and what's not, even if we're believers, it's it's a very confusing.

And and so we have to understand a few things in order to understand the truth for what it truly is, which is freedom.

Okay, the first thing that we need to understand is that women and men have equal value.

Equal value.

Women and men are completely equal and of the same exact value to our creator.

Okay, the word starts this way.

God created man and woman in his image, in the likeness of God.

We were created in the likeness of God, men and women.

Romans 2, 11 says that that God shows no favoritism.

He favors women and w women and men exactly the same.

God came down from heaven in human form.

The Bible says that the Lord sent his one and only Son.

Because He so loved the world, He sent them, He sent Him to save the world.

The last time I checked, the world's made up of men and women.

Okay?

We are equal.

We have to understand that if we're ever gonna understand what this whole submission thing truly is meant to be, the other reason that um I don't know, it's been it's been one of those topics that forever that has that has caused such confusion is because there's this belief out there that being a submissive wife is somehow outdated or oppressive.

Let me tell you something.

If you walk into the household of a husband and a wife who are full who are living in the way that God has called them to, a husband loving and serving his wife, and a woman submitting, helping, respecting her husband, you are not gonna see an oppressed woman.

You're gonna see a woman who is doted on, who is lifted up, who is encouraged, who is told how wonderful she is, who is honored and respected.

She isn't gonna want to go anywhere.

There is nothing oppressive when this is done the way that God has called us to do it.

The only problem that comes in is when we do it our way, not God's way.

So the way God designed it is not oppressive.

It's freeing and it's wonderful and it's powerful.

And the last thing we need to understand is that to be a submissive wife is not weakness.

Oh, it is the opposite.

It is required to be a strong woman in order to submit.

It is strength and honor, and it's beautiful.

I want to look at that word helper.

When we were just looking at that a minute ago in Genesis, where it's talking about how the woman is the helper, the helpmate to the man, I want you to know something.

This is so cool.

So the Hebrew word that's used there for helper is the word a zer.

And several times throughout scripture, God, when he is referred to as our helper, the same word is used, a zer.

For example, three examples.

Psalm 54, 4.

But God is my helper, the Lord keeps me alive.

Psalm 115, 11.

All you who fear the Lord, trust the Lord.

He is your helper and your shield.

Psalm 124.8, our help is in the name of the Lord who made heaven and earth.

There's so many more from that.

But that word helper there or help, when it's referring to how God is that for us, is the word a there.

And we the same exact word is used when he's describing us.

Do you know what that means?

When we enter into this calling that the Lord has put on our lives as wives, and we actually step into this, we are God like.

Do you know when you are functioning and operating with the Holy Spirit, the power and the beauty and the freedom that comes along with that, we should never be afraid of being a helper to our husband.

We should run and look for any opportunity because when we are our man's helper, we are experiencing the power of God.

It is incredible and it is powerful.

And you know what else it is?

It's an elevated position.

See, a lot of times people want to look at the helper as the one who's oppressed again.

No.

If someone needs my help to move, that means that I have something that they don't have alone.

If my husband comes to me and says, Hey, I need to send this email out, it's a really important one.

Will you look it over and make sure that I haven't missed anything?

He obviously feels like he's lacking in something.

He needs me to take a look at a second look at it.

So I'm helping him.

He needs me.

Listen, to be the helper is a place of elevation, it's a place of influence.

I have great influence in my husband's life because of how I have learned to submit.

Not as much before, but really after, as I've started to grow in this, I have greater influence in his life because a helper is influential.

This is a place of power.

And it requires strength.

And it's beautiful.

And all we need to do is look at Jesus.

His whole life, even to the point of death, was an a beautiful example of submission.

Submission to God the Father, and submission to those who were nailing him to the cross.

It's beautiful.

It's power.

We get to experience Jesus.

If we're Jesus' followers, that's what we want.

It's powerful.

So, how do we help our husbands?

Well, this is where you know you can open up a whole can of worms and talk about so many different ways we can help our husbands.

But but there are two ways that I feel I really believe this.

Ladies, women, wives, I really believe that if we walk out of here today serious about this and serious about these two things that I want to share with you, I honestly think by the end of the week, you're gonna actually see a difference, regardless of how your husband walks out of here today.

I'm talking about you.

I'm talking about you.

Because we're gonna give freedom to the Holy Spirit to move.

This is what's gonna happen.

And by the end of the week, you're gonna see something happen.

I'm telling you, because I myself have experienced it.

So how do we help our husbands?

Well, the first way that we help our husbands is to respect them.

In Ephesians 5.33, Paul says, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and a wife must respect her husband.

So a lot of the ways that a woman feels loved is, you know, like the husband dotes on her, tells her she's beautiful, brings her flowers, listens to her, physical touch, shows affection, says kind words to her, over her, all of that.

Now, men receive love as well, like that, for sure.

But but one of the ways that men feel loved the most is when they are respected.

When they are respected, they feel loved.

Um here's the best way for me to explain what it looks like to respect our husbands.

So here, I'm gonna say this phrase a lot.

This is just something that I felt like God was telling me over and over again, so I'm just gonna go with that.

Um, ladies, to respect our husbands means to treat them as the leader we desire them to be.

We need to start treating our husbands as the leader we desire for them to be.

So in 2012, I was pregnant with our second daughter, Lila, and I was in graduate school, and I was working full-time.

My husband, Tab, coaches, he was coaching three sports.

He he's been coaching forever, and he coached three sports for most of that our life, our life together, 17 years.

And um, when we found out we were pregnant and all that we had going on, we decided, we agreed together that he was gonna drop off one sport, and it was gonna be the one in the middle of the year because that was kind of the toughest coming off of football.

Football's like his thing, and then he was coaching basketball, and then he would go into golf.

Golf is not that hard.

I mean, who wouldn't like to coach golf?

He had to go play golf to coach it.

Um, but it was time away from the family, and so that was that was hard.

Uh, okay, so sorry, I just that was a bunny rabbit trail.

Um, but we had agreed that that basketball was the sport that he was gonna step back from, and we talked about it.

I was so excited to have him home because uh Lila was due at the end of the year, so we were gonna have that time there in the winter to be together, and it was gonna be so great.

And I'd only known three sports, so this was awesome, so excited.

So he told the head football, I mean head basketball coach, hey, this is my last season of coaching.

He gave the reason why they were so supportive, it was awesome.

Uh, a few weeks later, a few weeks later, Tab comes home from work and he goes, Hey, Elon, um so I was approached about taking over the girls' basketball program.

And I said, Okay, why are you telling me?

Like, are you telling me because you're actually considering this?

And he said, Well, I think that I should.

And I said, Well, uh, I thought we already agreed.

I thought we already agreed, Tab, now I'm pregnant.

Okay, so I was like crying and like this is I'm telling you now, it was not pretty in the moment.

What, Tab?

You do you agreed you weren't gonna do this?

You were gonna drop out.

What?

He said, I I I really think we should talk about it.

And I said, Okay, here's what we're gonna do.

Let's both go to the Lord.

Let's not talk about it right now.

You promised me, Tab, that you will seek the Lord and ask him what you want him to do.

And I said, I will too also go seek the Lord.

I had confidence that I knew what the Lord was gonna say.

So, for a couple of days we both sought the Lord.

We came back together and we sat down and I said, So, did you hear from him?

And he said, I did.

And I said, Okay, what was it?

He said, I really feel like I'm supposed to take the job.

And I said, Well, God didn't tell me that.

I did, I said that because God didn't tell me that.

I sought the Lord just like the Lord tells me to, and he didn't say anything.

Nothing, he didn't say anything, but I want to tell you something, and this was this honestly blew my mind, and this is truth, it's backed in scripture, and I'm so excited to tell you.

Do you know that God communicates differently to our husbands than he does to us?

Do you know that it is okay and it is possible that God might tell your husband something different than he tells you?

I mean, what do you think Noah's wife was thinking when she poured her cup of coffee?

She's gonna go watch her little children play on the front yard and she looks out, and there's Noah building this huge ark in the middle of their front yard.

I bet you she walked out there.

I mean, this doesn't say in scripture, but I bet she walked out there and she's like, What are you doing?

Well, God told me to.

Well, he didn't tell me.

Or what about Sarah?

What about Sarah when she found out that Abraham had taken this precious child that they had waited a lifetime for that caused all sorts of trouble in their marriage to get to?

How do you think she felt when she found out that her husband went to go and sacrifice their only son?

There's no record in scripture that says God came and told these ladies that, which leads me to believe that God just might tell my husband Tab something different than he tells me.

And the Lord calls me to submit to Tab as I submit to the Lord.

That's in uh 522, Ephesians 5.22.

Why?

Submit to your husbands as to the Lord.

In order to submit to your husband, you have to submit to the Lord first.

As to the Lord.

So that comes first in that moment with Tab.

I was I was confused, but I I was also clear.

I knew what my role was.

And this was actually as I was first stepping, this was in 2012.

This was kind of like the first step of like, what does it look like to submit?

And I just remember, I remember we were sitting at the table, and I remember thinking in a split second, but it was like really slow motion in my mind.

Lord, I have to believe him.

He said he sought you.

He believes you told him this.

And all I know is that you tell me that I'm supposed to submit to him.

So Lord help me.

Lord help me do this faithfully.

And I was convicted that I was never, never once to complain, never once to complain to my husband about him taking this job.

Was it hard?

Heck yeah, it was hard.

It was especially hard.

And I love being a coach's wife.

Like I was born to be a coach's wife.

I love it.

But this was really hard because I didn't hear that calling.

And it was for like five years.

Yeah.

Five years.

Now I could stand up here.

Actually, I couldn't.

I can't sit here and tell you these direct things that happened.

Like I couldn't draw all these lines and say, well, this decision made this happen, and it made this happen, and it made this happen.

But I can tell you this.

Tab and I entered into this season of our marriage where we were just together.

Even when we were like things weren't together.

We were together.

We were unified.

The Lord was speaking to me, and I'd never heard his voice.

Like I'd never, I would always want to hear his voice.

Like I would read and be like get blessed from scripture, but like I was actually hearing from the Lord.

Tab started asking me my opinion about things that he never had before.

Now he is uh, now he's only a one one sport coach.

Praise Jesus.

Okay.

Um and but he is a head football coach at a really big school, and this was really cool as the Lord was preparing me as a coach's wife to really step into that role with him and help him.

And and and I mean, he lets me like speak into the program.

It's awesome, and we get to do this together.

And I believe God gave me a favor in my husband's heart because I was willing to come under him.

See, I said yes to my husband as the leader I desired him to be.

And guess what?

He rose to the occasion.

And I believe that's because I wasn't trying to change him.

I let the Lord do what only the Lord can do.

The Lord is the one who works in people's spirits.

So, ladies, we can't change our men.

Men, we can't change.

I heard an amen.

Was that an amen from a man?

Somebody?

I mean, it's true.

Okay.

The Holy Spirit is the only one who can change anyone.

And see, what happens is we get in the mix, and I don't know.

I think it just pushes God out.

We gotta give him space to work.

I think I have all these wonderful notes here.

Another thing that we need to remember as we try to respect our husbands, as we learn how to how this looks, we have to remember a couple of things.

The first is oh, this is gonna be so good.

Are you ready?

Ladies, your husband is not your enemy.

Your husband is not your enemy.

Men, same thing.

Does it sometimes feel like they are?

Yes, it does.

It feels that way.

It's real, it's hard.

But let me tell you something.

He is not your enemy.

Do you have an enemy?

Yes, his name is Satan.

Okay, we do have an enemy.

Let it let us be aware of that and let us not be surprised when he hijacks in our marriage because he wants to destroy our entire family and all the future generations to come.

He does.

That's his that's his ploy.

If we will just recognize that this battle ain't between us and our man, okay, there's a spiritual battle taking place.

Look, I just pulled an ain't in there, so that is that is really serious.

In Ephesians 6, 12, it says, For we are not fighting against flesh and blood enemies.

Your husband is flesh and blood, not your enemy.

We are not fighting against flesh and blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.

Listen, Satan is is uh is running a very organized operation.

It's very organized, and we don't see it with our eyes.

I'm telling you, just because we don't see it doesn't mean it's not there.

It is there.

And if you're the only spouse in your marriage believing that, let me encourage you, keep believing it.

Keep believing it, keep going to battle, spirit to spirit, pray.

Keep going to battle, but understand and recognize that your husband is not your enemy.

The moment that we actually believe this to be true is actually the moment that we start taking control back, the enemy loses his power, and the Holy Spirit now has freedom to move, and he's the one who does the miraculous work.

And you don't have to do anything but just love.

It's really awesome.

I love the way that God designed it.

Okay, the next thing, in order to respect our husbands, we need to be women who speak life over to and about our husband.

We need to speak life over to and about our husband.

When we are with him, speak life.

When we are away from him, I don't care what he has done.

I'm not saying that we do things in isolation and we don't share what's going on.

I'm saying speak life.

When we are away from him, we never say a bad thing about our husband.

It doesn't mean he's perfect.

It doesn't mean we don't need some prayer, but we got to check our hearts here because it gives too much freedom and power to the enemy to do a thing that we don't want him to do.

Ladies, you and I both know that there is great power in the words of a woman.

We know it because we have grown up on the playgrounds listening to other girls talk about other girls.

We know it because we have grown up in the middle school and the high school hallways, listening to girls or ourselves talk about other people.

We know it because we have been neighbors, we have been friends, we have been, we have been employees, we live in a home, we were raised in a home.

We know the power that our words have.

There is nothing more powerful than the words of a woman.

And God wants us to speak life over our men, not death.

Speak words of encouragement to him.

I'm sorry, I told you I was gonna get passionate.

It's because I love you and I love our marriages and I want to protect them.

Okay, so yeah, well, that's good.

You know, I'm sorry.

Um okay, the next thing is to show respect.

Okay, ladies, let us not be women who nag our husbands.

Oh, Lord have mercy.

I'm sorry, this message is going a little longer.

Um is this gonna be okay?

Can we do this for a minute?

Okay, listen, let us not be women who who nag, complain at our husbands.

Let us not, let us not.

And it doesn't mean that we don't have right or or or an understanding, like it doesn't mean that there's no reason that we should, okay?

Yes, we probably have lots of reasons too, okay?

So I will take that one out for the next service.

You think that'd be good?

Because my husband's gonna be in that one.

Um, okay.

No, here's the thing is that um whether or not you see it or you believe it, your husband is already aware of his weaknesses and his flaws.

He he knows what they are.

And he doesn't need us to point them out.

And the word says a little bit about this, and you just kind of gotta get ready for this one, okay?

Because it's really clear.

Let's look at a couple verses.

Proverbs 13, I'm sorry, 19, 13.

A foolish child is a calamity to a father, a quarrelsome wife is a is as annoying as a constant dripping.

Oh, now the men are clapping.

Do you know what that is?

That's an example of waterboarding.

That's like a mechan, like a torture mechanism.

And and that's what our husbands hear, ladies, when we, when we, me too, okay, when we nag or or or ignore our husbands.

Proverbs 21, 9.

It's better to live alone in the corner of an attic than with a quarrelsome wife in a lovely home.

Okay, so your husband could have the best car, the best job, the best house.

You could be hot.

And if you are nagging him and complaining to him, he would rather walk up to the corner of the attic where he's all alone in darkness.

Have you ever been in an attic in the summer?

It's like death.

Speaking of in Proverbs 19, verse 21, it's better to live alone in the desert than with a quarrelsome complaining wife.

Proverbs 19:21

You're like, is this real?

Is this scripture?

Yes, it is.

So that is basically saying death.

Like, your husband would rather, my husband would rather go into a desert, die of starvation and dehydration, and with lots of weird creatures, then listen to me complaining.

So, so what are we to do then?

Because sometimes the struggle is real.

Okay?

Here is what we should do.

When your husband comes home from work, you should drop everything you're doing and with a genuine, loving heart, walk over to your husband, hug him, and kiss him, say, I am so glad that you are home.

By the way, you look really good.

How was your day?

Do it for a week and see what happens.

You may say, Elon, my husband doesn't deserve that.

I didn't say he deserved it.

He may not deserve it.

Do it and see what happens by the end of the week.

Who's gonna do it?

Raise your hand.

I love you.

I'm just messing with you.

Oh no, but seriously, do it.

Totally do it.

So another way that we can respect our husbands, or the way that we can help our husbands, and this is kind of the last part here, is um, and it and we know that we're supposed to pray, but listen, listen, listen.

Pray for our husband, not about, okay, there is a difference.

Yes, God says pray about everything so we can bring our frustrations to the Lord, yes.

But I'm talking about pray for your husband, for your husband, for your husband's best interest.

Pray for your husband for his sake every single day.

I'm talking, he walks out of the house and you're like, Lord, please shield his eyes, shield his mind, and shield his heart from every bit of temptation that the enemy's gonna throw at him today.

Lord, I pray that his heart is only focused on you.

Lord, I pray, and I'm praying this right now over the men in the room.

I pray, Lord, I pray, God, that he will have a heart that just wants to go after you.

I pray, God, that you will put men in his life who are godly, who are gonna encourage him as a husband, who are gonna who are going to bless him, who are gonna guide him along the right path.

Lord, I pray that my man feels like he has got you behind him.

I pray, God, for discernment and I pray for wisdom.

I pray for health and I pray for protection.

Lord, give him increased territory.

Bless him, help him.

I'm talking that kind of praying for our husbands.

And you know when we have to pray the hardest for our husbands?

Listen, is when we're angry at him.

One of my favorite scriptures that God brings to mind, and it's kind of an obscure one, but it's in Zephaniah 3.17, it says, For the Lord your God is living among you.

He is a mighty savior, he will take delight in you with gladness.

With his love, he will calm all your fears.

He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.

I love this, and honestly, when I think of this verse, when Tab and I are in an argument, it's not for me.

It's for my husband.

Because it reminds me that God loves him, he loves him, no matter what.

Whether Tab's at fault or I'm at fault, it doesn't matter.

In an argument, you don't feel like you're the one at fault.

So this verse softens my heart, particularly at the place where it says, with his love, he will calm all your fears.

Listen, it's it's a fear that comes up and it manifests itself in all these sideways, weird ways.

Okay, but ultimately it kind of comes down to fear.

It starts in fear.

And so whenever, whenever your husband is acting in some sort of way, just understand, like he's a child of God too, that has its own struggles and he's got some fear going on.

And so I love this prayer because I say, Lord, will you correct Tab with your love?

Like, do it lovingly, Lord.

Guide him lovingly, Lord.

You created my husband.

I can't change him, only you can.

And honestly, I don't even know if you need to change it.

Maybe it's me, but Lord, will you just do a work?

Will you bless my husband?

Will you speak to him in a way he understands?

Pray for your husband.

Um, just in the fall, just this last fall.

Um, we tab was in football season, and and it's just intense, it's just a lot.

We go from summertime being together all the time, and it's like, oh, and then we go into football season, and he's gone physically and honestly, like emotionally and mentally, everything.

He's kind of gone.

Even when he's home.

And that's hard.

It's a hard transition for me to make every year.

And this particular year, the struggle that I saw in Tab was that he kind of has gentleness, like he is such a gentle guy, he really is, and he's a gentle father.

God bless him.

He's got three daughters and a wife.

It's a lot.

He blinks really fast when he comes home.

Um, but but when he came home, he like lost this gentleness, and it was really hard, you know, for all of us girls living in the house with like Coach Griffin, and he wouldn't take off that coaching hat and put on his like family man hat.

And that was really hard.

But I knew, because I've been walking with the Lord long enough, I knew that I couldn't tell Tab you need to change, because he's gonna be like, uh no, I'm gonna do the opposite.

So I was like, you know what?

I grabbed a couple people and asked them to pray along with me, and I prayed for my husband.

I prayed and I prayed and I prayed.

I said, for his sake, not for my sake.

Yes, it would benefit me, but I wanted Tab to be blessed with gentleness.

It's a fruit of the spirit, which by the way, if you're praying through the fruit of the spirit, just understand this.

Love, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, self-control, all those things, they we can never have those without the Holy Spirit.

And if we do, it's just like this minuscule little, it's gonna run out.

Okay, so we need to pray.

We want these fruits of the spirit, and one of them is gentleness.

And so I prayed for a branch.

I forget about the fruit.

I want a branch of gentleness on my husband.

I wanted that, yes, to benefit the home, but I wanted it to benefit him because gentleness is always a blessing.

And so I prayed and I prayed and I prayed.

One day, he sends me this email.

Tab is in graduate school.

He took this personality test, he sends it to me, and he says, Hey, take a look at this.

I'm like, I will.

So I open it up and I read through, and I mean, he has like such great qualities, and so all these things are like mentioned and it's wonderful.

And then there's this one part that talks about where his weaknesses are and where he needs to grow.

It all but said you need to be more gentle, tap.

I mean, it pretty much did.

It did.

Okay, it didn't say it in those words, but it was saying that.

Okay, so God directed me, don't say a word, Elan.

I'm about to work, so just be quiet.

Okay?

So I didn't even respond.

I acted like I didn't have time to read the thing, okay?

But all the time I'm like, God, you're getting to him, you're getting to him.

Come on.

So a couple weeks later, we're sitting on the couch, and I'm telling you, Tab, this gentleness just came out of nowhere, and he was so patient with the girls and me and so kind.

And he just came in the room and he was rolling up his sleeves, ready to serve, and it was amazing.

And I noticed it.

So one night I sat down and I said, Tab, I just want to thank you.

And he's like, For what?

And I said, Well, you know, you just didn't seem like yourself for a while, and I really just have noticed you're really gentle.

And he said, Well, thanks for noticing.

And I said, Well, thank you.

What like what was it?

Like, what happened?

He goes, Well, you know, you know that personality test that I took?

Well, I realized that I'm not very gentle.

And I was like, praise Jesus! I mean, I didn't say that in the middle, like right there, because that would have not been good.

But I was just so excited.

What I'm trying to say is, God made your husband, he knows how to communicate to him.

Again, let the Lord do the Lord's work and he will do a work.

And remember, James 5, 13, worship team, you guys can come on out.

The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.

See, when we as women are walking in the way that God has called us to be, when we are respecting our husbands, when we are obeying God and doing what he says, okay?

And we're respecting our husbands, we're loving them, we're praying for them, we're encouraging them.

The Lord just loves.

He just loves to just pour his favor on and work and work and work and work, work a miracle on your behalf, on your marriage's behalf, on your husband's behalf for the sake of the kingdom.

It's just amazing.

And it's real.

And he wants us to be participants in it.

And so what this means is that it all starts with our relationship with the Lord.

Because if we don't have a relationship with Jesus, we don't have those fruits of the Spirit.

We don't have the ability to keep our mouths closed, we don't have the ability to speak life when we're not feeling it.

We don't have the ability to be quiet and patient and encouraging and pray for his behalf and not ours.

We just don't have it.

We can only be the wives that God has called us to be.

We can only be the people.

We can only be the people that we are called to be with Jesus, with the power of Jesus.

And so if you have a relationship with him, then praise the Lord.

And if you don't, I just I just want to tell you and invite you, like this is not complicated.

It's not complicated, it'll revolutionize your life.

He revolutionizes.

It's not complicated.

All you gotta do is just in your heart say, you know what, Lord?

I love you.

I believe you are who you say you are, I believe you died for me to live so that I could live.

Lord, I just want a relationship with you.

You just pray that in your heart here in just a minute as I pray.

And you go out into the lobby and you sign up to get baptized.

And we have a person today who actually has taken that step in faith.

And as a family, we get the opportunity and the blessing to come alongside her, to hear a little bit about her story, and then to cheer, cheer, cheer for her to celebrate with heaven at the change that's has happened in her life and that will continue to happen because it's a beginning.

So will you pray with me?

Father, I love you, and I thank you for your word, and I thank you for how it comes to life, and I thank you for the fun we've had this morning together, and I thank you, God, for marriage.

I thank you for how you have blessed it and how you want it to bless us, and you want us to be a partner with you in it.

And God, I just pray for your help.

Please help us.

Help us as wives, Lord.

Oh, God, make this word real.

Help us to walk it out this week.

Help us to help our husbands and to realize it's a godly calling, it's powerful.

Lord, help us to respect them by speaking life-giving words to them.

Kindness.

Help us to greet him when he gets home and tell him how much we love him and demean it, to believe it, to believe our husbands for the leaders that we desire for them to be, that you called them and created them to be.

Lord, it's a it's a it's an honor.

So help us to do that.

Help us to pray for our men, help us to know their hearts and what they need, even when they don't.

God, help us to be godly, submissive wives, and understand the honor and the power that it brings with it.

And Jesus, help our men to help us.

Help them.

Help them to be encouragers and lovers of us, to tell us that we're doing a good job and they note us.

And let them be the kind of men that you've called them to be, to serve us and to love us, to protect us and to lift us up.

And Lord, thank you so much for this baptize baptism about to take place and what it represents.

We love you, and we are so thankful for the new life, the new life that is being born right here and right now.

In Jesus' name.

Amen.