Message - Wounds Are Better Than Kisses

A few weeks ago, we started a new series called Better.

And the idea behind the series is very, very simple.

It's to help you have a better life, to help all of us have a better life.

And we're looking at two fundamental truths that are sort of backing everything we're talking about.

Truth number one is that God desires better.

God actually desires better for your life.

I'm sure that every single one of us in the room, every single one of us watching online, has some area of life we would like to be better.

And trust me, if you want some part of your life to be better, God wants even better than you probably desire for yourself.

Because he loves you more than you could possibly imagine.

He loves you more than you love yourself.

So if you desire better, guess what?

God desires better.

Now, his version of better might not be your version of better.

And sometimes that is frustrating and challenging, but he desires better.

And that kind of brings us to our second truth.

God not only desires better, but he knows better.

He knows better.

He knows everything.

He's God.

And by the way, if he didn't know better than we do, then he would be a terrible God to serve and follow.

Like if he was coming to us and saying, hey, what do you think?

What's your opinion?

Like I need some advice on this.

That would be like, that'd be, I don't think this should be how the whole God person thing works.

You know, God knows better, he knows everything.

And because he desires better and he knows better, that means that if we make it our life's mission to discover and discern what his better is, and we pursue that and we choose that, we will have better lives.

It's that simple.

Now, sometimes we struggle to discern what better actually is.

But thankfully, God's word comes in and gives us some really concrete understanding of what that looks like.

And so we've been looking at several scriptures that tell us what his better actually is.

Last week, for example, we looked at Proverbs chapter 16, verse 16, which says, How much better to get wisdom than gold and good judgment than silver.

Proverbs 16:16

If you missed that, you feel free to listen to it.

If I could sum the whole message up, it would just be to say that God Himself is the source of wisdom.

And if you live with wisdom, you live with something that is more valuable than anything in the world.

It's way more valuable than money, and we know that because if you give an unwise person a lot of money, they're gonna waste it.

But if you give a wise person a little bit, they'll invest it, it'll grow.

Wisdom's more valuable than anything, and God himself is the source of wisdom.

To reject God is to reject wisdom.

That's what we talked about last week.

This week we're gonna continue this discussion on wisdom and how to get more of it, how to live acquiring wisdom on a regular basis by looking at another better scripture.

Proverbs 27, 6 says, wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy.

Wounds are better than kisses, depending on who's doing the kissing and who's doing the wounding.

And so my hope, my prayer this morning is that we would grow into people who actually welcome the right kind of wounding in our lives.

That we would grow into people who welcome the right kind of wounding.

Now, for some context, just so we're really understanding what we're talking about today as we talk about wisdom and what this proverb actually means, I want us to understand Proverbs itself.

I want to take a few minutes and sort of till the soil of our hearts a little bit, you know, because what we're gonna talk about today is actually something that very few people on the planet actually do on a regular basis.

Most people reject this, run from this as much as possible.

And so, in order for us to receive it, to let it really plant and take hold in our lives, we have to sort of till our hearts a little bit.

We have to understand what Proverbs is all about, because a lot of our scriptures that we've been looking at have been in Proverbs.

Proverbs is all about wisdom.

It's all about how to get wisdom, how to acquire wisdom.

And if you read the book of Proverbs, you read a lot about the wise, but you also read a lot about another category, talked about often in Proverbs, and that's called the fool.

Proverbs talks a lot about fools.

For example, Proverbs 18 6 says, fools' words get them into constant quarrels.

They are asking for a beating.

This scripture speaks so much to me because when I was in the eighth grade, I got I got beat up like you couldn't even believe.

And it was one of the best things that ever happened to me.

I mouthed off to a kid I had no business mouthing off to.

You may not believe this, but I was pretty mouthy in my teenage years.

And uh I did.

I mouthed off to this kid at school.

He was much bigger than me.

And uh where I used my mouth, he used his fist.

And you know that phrase, the bigger they are, the harder they fall?

It is a stupid phrase.

Umbe in certain scenarios that plays out, but for me it was like the bigger they are, the harder it hurts when they hit you.

Um and that's what happened, but it was good for me because I learned the value.

Like I was asking for it because I was, I was mouthing off.

Like I love scriptures like this because they they remind me of how foolish I've been.

Now, real quick, I just want to know this out of curiosity, I asked some of the guys on the worship team this morning, when you hear the word fool, let it let like a mental picture lock into your mind.

Don't shout it out.

But when you hear the word fool, what pops into your mind?

A little bit of word association.

How many of you, show of hands, and those of you online just like hit the like button or something like that, comment.

How many of you think of a person you know?

The word fool pops up, you're like, I actually think of a specific person, okay.

How many of you think like a jester?

Like you're going historical, you know the origin of the word fool.

That's where the word fool actually came from.

Kings would be like, I want to laugh at someone.

And so they would find someone, hey, make me laugh.

And oftentimes that person would just be a fool, right?

Laugh at a jester.

How many of you thought of Mr.

T?

Anybody?

Couple people?

Hey, I'm with you.

Those of you that thought of Mr.

T, like that is as soon as I started preparing for this week's message, I was thinking about Mr.

T.

Because I grew up as a kid in the 80s, like Mr.

T was an icon in the 80s, and his catchphrase was what?

What was it?

Just shout it out.

I pity the fool, right?

It's so funny because I heard that phrase growing up a lot.

I watched a lot of public service announcements with Mr.

T in them, and it was so crazy for me as a kid, like I had this distinct memory because I there was a there was a cartoon of Mr.

T when I was a kid.

Anyone remember the Mr.

T cartoon?

Like you're part of my generation.

Yeah, it's like Captain Planet, the Mr.

T cartoon.

So I grew up watching that and I thought Mr.

T was a cartoon.

And then I saw a video of the real Mr.

T and it blew my mind.

I was like, Mr.

T is real?

Is Captain Planet real too?

Like, are all my cartoon heroes real?

I didn't know.

But Mr.

T, he always said, I pity the fool, and part of me just desires to live in a world where Proverbs was written post Mr.

T.

Because I fully believe that if Solomon, who wrote the Proverbs, most of them, if he had lived at a time when there was a Mr.

T, that that language would have worked its way into the Bible.

Because I think it would work.

I think there would be scriptures like Proverbs 18 6 would probably read, you know, I pity the fool who won't shut up.

You know, they're asking for a beating.

I think it would work.

I think it would work.

To understand how to be wise, we have to understand what it means to be a fool.

And this is challenging.

We have to remember all the time, guys, God loves us, He cares about us, He encourages us, He affirms us, He's also not afraid to challenge us.

And if you study what a fool actually is according to Proverbs, it's a challenging thing, but it's key for us to understand the point behind what we're looking at today.

How to have a better life by being a person who welcomes the right kind of wound and rejects the wrong kind of kiss.

In the Hebrew language, there's actually five different words for fool.

And most of the time when we read the scriptures and we read the word fool, it's one of those five words.

Sometimes it gets translated to a slightly different word, but usually it just gets translated fool.

There's five different types of fools according to the book of Proverbs.

The very first one is what's called the simple fool.

The simple fool.

And in the Hebrew language, it's the word pathi.

Everyone just say that real quick.

I just want to keep you awake.

Pathi.

Okay?

Hebrew is a weird language.

I don't speak it, but I do know that the emphasis is almost always on the second syllable.

So I want to say pethy, but it's actually pathi, right?

That's that's simple fool.

And oftentimes, when this type of fool is talked about in the Proverbs, in the scriptures, uh, it's not the word fool, it's the word simpleton or naive is often used.

So, for example, we can look at uh Proverbs 22, 3, which says, A prudent person foresees danger and takes precautions.

The simpleton goes blindly on and suffers the consequences.

We have all known simple fools.

I root I was roommates with a simple fool when I was in college.

Um and he was he was fun to have around sometimes.

I'll never forget this one story where he called me.

I was in our room, and he called me up on the phone, he's like, Justin, can you get online and check my bank account for me?

And I was like, Yeah, I'm near a computer, and and at that time online banking was like kind of a new thing, it was pretty novel.

And so I log in.

He gives me all of his bank information.

If I wanted to steal from him, I could have.

He didn't really have anything to steal, but I could have, but he trusted me and that was fine.

And so I pull it all up and I'm like, John.

Oh, I just said his name.

Okay.

Um, sorry, John.

John, you've got$24 in your bank account.

And the next words that came out of his mouth, I was like, I expected him to be like, oh no, that's what I was worried about.

He was like, Yes.

And he goes, That means I have enough for this pizza.

Okay, I gotta go.

And he hangs with the phone, right?

And I was just like, ah, John.

But then what's crazy is two years later, we had graduated at this point, he calls me up.

I hadn't seen him since we graduated because we moved and he moved to a different place.

And he's like, Justin, I'm a financial counselor now, and I would love to be your financial advisor.

And I was like, No, no, John, there's no way that's gonna happen because you called me one time and you thought that it made sense to spend 97% of your money on a pizza, and I do not want that person advising me on how to spend money.

He was just at that time, kind of like that simple, he just didn't think things through.

And so simple fools are interesting, they they they don't really recognize wisdom when they hear it.

You can give them wise advice, but wise advice, poor advice, it's one and the same to them.

They just don't really recognize it.

The next kind of fool is what's called the silly fool.

The silly fool.

And in Hebrew, this is actually uh where we we kind of get the word evil, it's evil in the Hebrew language.

And uh and the the silly fool, this is somebody who like they they they just enjoy foolishness.

It's funny.

Like they're there's someone you can't trust with with any type of secret because they will they enjoy the whole gossip thing.

They're they're kind of giddy about it, they just think foolishness is funny.

Real quick show of hands.

Um, I'm gonna imagine most of this is going to be ladies who answer this question.

How many of you are fairly familiar with pride and prejudice?

You know pride and prejudice.

Raise your hands high.

Um, Pride and Prejudice.

To those of you that don't know Pride and Prejudice, none of this will make any sense.

Um, but ladies who like Pride and Prejudice, those of you watching, um, Lydia from Pride and Prejudice, Elizabeth's little sister, she's a silly fool, right?

She's just always she's gossiping, she's giggling, she's always running off and doing foolish things, but it's just because it's like funny and it kind of overwhelms her.

You know, she's the she's the silly fool.

That's why she runs off with Mr.

Wickham.

Am I right, Mr.

Wickham, that jerk, right?

You guys know who Mr.

Wickham is?

Some of you are like, I have no idea what's what's going on right now.

It's okay.

Um, quick sidebar.

Uh those of you that are Pride and Prejudice fans, you guys are all fans of Mr.

Darcy, right?

Colin Firth, Mr.

Darcy, like that's the classic version.

So I was watching Pride and Prejudice with my wife a few weeks ago, because I'm an awesome husband.

And uh, no, there's nothing on.

And so I'm watching it, and there was this amazing moment, and it was like, it hit me.

I've seen this Pride and Prejudice so many times.

My mom watched it, my wife watches it, it's like a thing.

And and there's this moment in the story.

Those of you that know Pride and Prejudice, you know this moment.

Elizabeth Bennett has just found out that Lydia, the silly fool of a sister that she has, has run off with the horrific Mr.

Wickham.

And this is gonna like ruin their family's reputation.

Those of you who haven't seen this yet, this is juicy stuff, okay?

This happens.

And it's like everyone's wearing top hats and they're dressed really nice and they're frolicking in the fields.

It's it's England, and I don't know what year it is, it's like 18 something.

So this happens, and Mr.

Darcy, he finds out about it.

He walks in, he talks to Elizabeth Bennett right whenever she finds out, and she looks at him and she says, This is what happened, and my sister ran off with Mr.

Wickham, and it's all really bad.

And then Mr.

Darcy just kind of goes, Okay, I gotta go.

And she thinks that he's just like done with her because it's scandalous.

And and what does Mr.

Darcy do?

He goes and he takes care of business.

He finds Mr.

Wickham, he pays him money, he says, You better marry this girl or else, and Mr.

Wickham marries Lydia and everything is saved and it's great.

And when I watched that, I had this epiphany.

I was like, you know what?

I looked at my wife, I said, You always tell me that the most romantic thing that I could do for you would be to just listen to your problems.

That when you have a problem, you just want me to be like, oh, that must be hard.

But that's not what Mr.

Darcy did.

He didn't do that at all.

Mr.

Darcy didn't say, Oh, I'm so sorry you're going through this.

This must be hard.

Mr.

Darcy left the room, he went, and he dealt with the problem and he solved it because that's what men do.

So I am now a fan of Mr.

Darcy, and I think that uh we should all remember that.

That was my sidebar.

I'm done.

Okay.

Um, silly fools, they they they just they enjoy it.

It's it's it's not that they necessarily want to do foolish things, but they just they find it amusing.

And so as a result of that, they're they're just not they're just not interested in wisdom at all.

Right?

So uh a couple scriptures.

Proverbs 10, 14 says, wise people treasure knowledge, but the babbling of a fool, and that's that silly fool word, it invites disaster.

Fools think their own way is right, but the wise listen to others.

Someone who's a silly fool, they just they don't listen to wisdom.

You can tell them, but they don't they don't listen to it.

And often if you do tell a silly fool wise advice, they'll get really frustrated.

Proverbs 27, 3 says, A stone is heavy and sand is weighty, but the resentment caused by a fool is even heavier.

So if you give a silly fool wise advice, they're gonna be frustrated with you, maybe resent it because you've just ruined their fun.

The next type of fool, it's kind of a progression, is the sensual fool.

And in the Hebrew language, this is the word Cassil.

And it's interesting because of all the warnings we have of fools in the Bible, this is the one that has the most warnings.

The sensual fool, this is someone who genuinely enjoys the foolishness that they they take part in.

They might know that it's wrong, they might know that it's destructive, but it's gone beyond just being something that's amusing, it's something that they genuinely enjoy.

They have no shame about it, they're like, I just do this, I like it.

And what we're told in Scripture in Proverbs 1023 is that doing wrong is fun for a fool.

It's this type of fool, Casil, the sensual.

It's fun.

I love it.

I genuinely enjoy it, but living wisely brings pleasure to the sensible.

If you try to talk to a sensual fool, to Cassile, if you try to talk to someone, give them wise advice, they it just goes in one ear and out the other.

They're just not even interested.

They're not maybe going to be upset that you've told them what to do.

They just don't care.

They don't care at all.

And that's why Proverbs 18 2 says fools, using that word, have no interest in understanding.

They only want to air their own opinions.

Fool number four is the scorning fool.

This is getting a little bit more intense.

Proverbs 9 8 says, Don't bother correcting mockers, and sometimes the scorning fool, uh, it gets translated mockers.

In Hebrew, it's the word lutz.

Sometimes it's called a fool, sometimes it's called a scoffer or a mocker.

Don't bother correcting mockers, they will only hate you.

But correct the wise and they will love you.

Proverbs 13 1 says, a wise child accepts a parent's discipline, a mocker refuses to listen to correction.

This is someone who literally has gotten to the point where they have a disdain for wisdom.

And so if there's an authority figure in their life, someone who challenges them, corrects them, not only are they not going to receive it, but they're gonna be actively hostile to it.

They're gonna roll their eyes, they're gonna make a face, they're gonna, they're gonna just like make it very clear with their facial expression that they have no interest, that they're mad, they're angry, they they kind of hate you for even telling them what to do.

I was a youth pastor for for 10 years, and some of the most difficult students that I had in that time were students that fell into this category.

And I had such, I had such like compassion for their parents.

Because I would watch their parents try everything they could to reach out to their kids to try to help their kids understand things.

And their kids just had this attitude of like, shut up.

And even during our services, when we would talk, we would open up scripture, like their faces would just communicate, this is dumb, this is stupid, I hate this.

They have a disdain, almost a hatred for wisdom.

That's the scorning fool.

And then the last category, this is the most the most intense, the most serious, is the steadfast fool.

In the Hebrew language, this is Nabal.

And this is someone who is completely and totally decided in their heart that they will embrace their foolishness, they do not care, they will try to manipulate and impact as many people as possible, and this ultimately results in them rejecting God entirely.

This is the word for fool that we see in Psalms chapter 14, verse 1, where it says, Only fools say in their heart, there is no God.

Psalms 14:1

They're corrupt, and their actions are evil, not one of them does good.

And I know that this language is really intense and harsh, but just consider how dangerous a person can actually become when they do not believe they answer to a higher power.

Like, like at the end of the day, I want to be led by people who believe in a higher power.

Because at the very least, even if I don't agree with those people on a variety of things, even if I don't think they're they're great at whatever, at the very least, they believe that one day they're gonna have to answer for the way that they live their life.

At the very least, they recognize that there is something greater than themselves, but when someone believes that there is nothing greater than themselves, they are capable of some seriously dangerous behavior.

And that's what scripture calls the steadfast fool.

The steadfast fool.

And scripture would tell you don't even like, don't even bother.

That's how intense that that foolishness is.

And the reason I'm talking about all of this, we're gonna connect back to the scripture we looked at first, is because we have to understand what a fool actually is and can be, how susceptible we are to being foolish, how it can progress.

But there's one thing, there is one thing that all of those fools, all five of those fools have in common.

And it's this it's the inability to recognize, receive, and respond to correction.

The inability to recognize, receive, and respond to correction is what unites all of those types of fools.

The simple fool, they don't recognize it.

You tell them something wise and they're like, okay, you know?

They just don't even recognize it.

The other types of fools, some of those next few categories, they just don't receive it.

They might recognize it, they might even go, yeah, I know you're right, but I'm just not going to because I'm having fun, I want to, whatever.

And at the furthest end of that foolishness is someone who utterly rejects.

They don't just fail to receive, they fully reject wisdom and correction.

Please hear this.

The ability for us as people to recognize, receive, and respond to wise correction is essential for us to be the better people that we're meant to be.

It's essential for our success as people.

So, with that in mind, let's go back to Proverbs chapter 27, verse 6.

Proverbs 27:6

Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy.

Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy.

If we would be people who would surround ourselves with wise friends who have permission to challenge us and correct us, it would be for our betterment.

But that is something that very few people do.

Most people would rather be kissed by an enemy, would rather have have someone who doesn't care about them, doesn't love them, doesn't pray for them, doesn't actually hope for their success.

They would rather have that person tell them something flattering than listen to a genuine friend who honestly cares.

Challenge them.

Correct them.

We've all seen it happen.

We've all known people.

I know people in my life, people I genuinely care about, who cannot be around people who challenge them.

If they come to you for advice and you give them advice that they don't like, they just go to someone else who gives them the advice they wanted to hear in the first place.

And they will go from person to person to person until finally they hear what they already wanted to hear.

Because they don't actually want advice, they don't actually want correction, they just want someone to confirm what they've already decided to do.

And there are people who literally will change their friend groups, will change the people that they're friends with just to make sure that they're only surrounded by people who agree.

That's foolishness.

I've had so many experiences in my life where people I genuinely love and care about have given me the right kind of wound, and I'm grateful for it.

And that doesn't mean every single time that happens, I instantly agree with those people or with that person.

But what it means at the very, very least is that when that happens, I pause and I pray.

And whereas before I might have just plowed through the decision that I was about to make, I would have just kept going in that direction, full speed ahead.

When those people challenge me, give me a different perspective, I say, okay, I I didn't think about it that way, I'm gonna pause.

I'm gonna pray, I'm gonna seek God, I'm gonna seek other counsel, and I'm gonna let this process a little bit more.

It's not fun though, it's not it's not easy.

I've got a really good friend that I've known for about 15 years, and he's been a mentor in my life for a while.

And and a couple years ago, I remember I had this plan for something we were gonna do here at his hands, and I was so excited about it.

I spent so much time thinking about this, and and it made sense to me, and I really thought it was really like our only way to go forward in a certain area.

And so I was at the point where I was totally decided, I was actually looking at just financing and some things that needed to happen to to make it all work.

And I met with my friend for lunch, and I just I brought it up.

And honestly, I brought it up.

Like, to be completely honest with you, to pull the curtain all the way back, I think subconsciously, maybe not fully subconsciously, I was actually saying it because I thought they were gonna be impressed.

I thought they were gonna be like, wow, that's an amazing plan.

What an awesome plan.

And so I shared the plan that I had, and they were like, I don't think that's a good idea at all.

And I was not expecting that.

And so I I I was like, okay, they gave me their perspective, and you know, I didn't at first I just I wanted to argue because I was already pretty decided in my heart.

But I paused.

And then I went to another person that I really respect, and and their wisdom has been something that I have counted on in the past.

And I I I shared it with them, and they 100% agreed with the person who I had met with.

And I was like, dang it.

And so I prayed and I ended up deciding to completely and totally go along with what they thought, and I'm so glad that I did because within a year from that, the very thing that I was trying to get figured out that would have been kind of expensive, it kind of worked itself out in a way that I could never have thought of the year earlier.

That wouldn't have happened if I hadn't listened to the wounding of a friend.

I hated it, it was not enjoyable.

I would much rather have that friend have said, Wow, Justin, what an incredible plan! You're an you're an amazing leader.

But they were like, I don't think that's a good idea.

And that hurt.

But it was it was the right kind of wound because it was meant for my betterment.

It wasn't meant to discourage me, it wasn't meant to deject me, it was meant for me to be better.

Now, I've I've also had experiences where I've shared something with people that I respect and love, and there's been disagreement.

And and as I pray and I process and I think and I I consult others and and continue just to work it out with God, I I end up arriving at a slightly different conclusion.

But I'm still grateful in those scenarios for the fact that I had to pause.

Because even if you share something with someone who's a friend and and they have a different perspective and it kind of hurts, if you if it causes you to stop and think more and pray more and go to God more and go to other people, and you arrive at the conclusion that no, no, I do think this is the right way to go, you are much more steadfast and certain that you've made the right decision because it was a decision that was made being challenged.

Whereas if you just make a decision with no challenge, who knows if you're right.

So I've learned to be grateful for the wounding of a friend, the right kind of wound.

Doesn't mean I enjoy it, doesn't mean my instant reaction sometimes is not to just process that it's helpful because it's for my betterment from a friend or better than this is from an enemy.

So with that in mind, as we as we wrap up, I have a few just pieces of advice.

Number one value wisdom in your friend.

One of my favorite things to do, and you may not know this about me, is play basketball.

I love playing basketball.

And I'm gonna play, I play at least three times a week.

I'm gonna play until I have a knee injury that keeps me from playing, and then I'll move on to something else.

But I love to play basketball.

And here's the thing if you go with me to play ball, we're friends.

And it's time to pick teams.

I may not pick you for my team because I want to win.

Um just depends.

It just depends.

Now, like like there's a guy who goes to his hand, his name is Zach Nellenbach.

And Zach, I don't know if you're in the room or not, but if you are, love you, Zach.

And uh Zach and I used to go, we used to play basketball.

We'd meet here at the church at 5 a.m.

and we would go play ball in Kennesaw with this group that we played with, and we would go constantly.

We do this like three, four times a week.

Uh, and then I had multiple children, and that stopped.

But before then it was great.

Now, Zach, I would pick first every time because he's six foot four, he's incredibly athletic, and he can legit dunk a basketball.

So I'm like Zach.

But sometimes we brought other friends, they're like, Can we come?

And I was like, Yes, and it came time to pick teams, and I would kind of look at him and go, Oh man, hopefully they like Proverbs 27:6 and can understand the wounding of a friend is better than the kisses of an enemy, because I'd be like, ah, that guy, you know, because when I'm picking a team, I'm like, I'm picking to win.

Proverbs 27:6

But what's funny is when it comes to our friendships, we often pick friends wrong.

I'm not talking about people you love and care about.

You love and care about everyone.

When I say friend, I mean those people that you truly walk with in life, those people that you surround yourself with.

You should value wisdom in your friends.

Let's be honest, it's kind of fun to have a fool for a friend at times.

Right?

Like, we've all had friends that, like, I can't believe they said that.

I can't believe they did that.

You get to kind of vicariously live through that.

And you're like, I would never do that, I would never say that because I'm not a fool.

But they did, and it was hilarious.

But that doesn't actually add a lot of value to your life.

If you have friends who give you poor advice, even if that advice is validating, it isn't valuable.

There's a difference between someone giving you advice that validates you and someone giving you advice that is valuable.

Value wisdom in your friends.

Proverbs chapter 13, verse 20 says, walk with the wise and become wise.

Proverbs 13:20

Associate with fools and get into trouble.

Now, I think it's really important for us to understand.

When it says walk with the wise, it's talking about personal relationships.

We live in a time where, thanks to technology, we have access to wisdom without relationship.

And that's great.

Like I listen to podcasts a lot, and there's a lot of really wise people whose podcasts I listen to and I get great advice, but sometimes we have this tendency in our world today just to outsource all of the wisdom that we want to gather to people who don't know us.

So we listen to podcasts, we watch things on TV, and we listen to those opinions, and that's all good and all.

In fact, recently, it's good to a certain degree, I actually had to make a conscious decision not to listen to nearly as many podcasts and commentators because I found that I was I wasn't really thinking anymore.

I was just I was just taking other people's opinions and letting that be mine, which is not the same thing as actually thinking for yourself.

I say this because there are some of us that instead of walking alongside other people, where there's a relationship where that person knows who you are and can look you in the eye and can tell you, hey, I think you should think about it this way, we just outsource all of that to podcasts, to television, to whatever.

And that's not the same thing.

That's never gonna be as valuable as having actual friends who can look you in the eye who know you.

So walk with the wise.

Find wise people and say, hey, I want to hang out with you.

You know, but you want to get together sometime?

I'd love to grab lunch.

Wise people will say yes to free lunch because they're wise.

Okay?

Like, that's a sign of wisdom.

Free lunch, I'm there.

But spend time with those people, walk with them and watch what happens.

You will become wise along with them.

Value wisdom in your friends.

Value godliness in your friends.

Value godliness, like Proverbs chapter 12, 26.

Proverbs 12 · chapter mention

Verse 26 says, the godly give good advice to their friends, the wicked lead them astray.

Look for godliness in your friends.

Those of us who are single, when you're looking for that person that you're gonna spend the rest of your life with, make sure they're a godly person.

The things that I've gone through in my life, if I didn't have a wife who prayed, if I didn't have a wife who knew God's word, a wife who could speak not just her opinion but the wisdom of God to me, I don't know how I would have gotten through the last 15, 20 years.

When our oldest was born and we were in the NICU for the first two weeks and we weren't sure if he was gonna make it, I don't know what I would have done if I didn't have a wife who was partnering with me in prayer.

The same is true of your friends.

That doesn't mean we're not friendly and befriend people who don't have a relationship with Jesus.

100% you do that because we love people, we love all people, always, all the time.

When it comes to those people that you go to, that you seek advice from, they need to be godly.

They need to know the Lord, they need to have the Holy Spirit so that they can give you advice, spirit to spirit.

Value wisdom in your friends, value godliness, and then give them permission to challenge you.

I want to ask you to really think about this.

Do the people that you are friends with, the people you would consider wise, do they know that they have your permission to challenge them?

I kept thinking about Jesus this week, related to this idea, because it's amazing when you read the Gospels how often Jesus' friends challenge them.

Now they're always wrong.

Because it's Jesus.

But it's constant.

There are so many times in the Gospels where the disciples go to Jesus and say, Jesus, I don't think you're thinking about this right.

Jesus, I think we should go this way, not that way.

Jesus, why are we doing this?

Jesus, you're not gonna die, don't say that.

They're always challenging Jesus.

And yeah, they're wrong because he's Jesus and they're not, but but there must have been something about Jesus.

There must have been such an obvious humility that they felt the freedom to do that.

Because we've all been around people who don't have that, and you don't you you're not gonna challenge them at all, especially if they have authority over you.

Because they'll just they'll give you the axe, you're done.

There must have been something about Jesus that was so humble, that was so gracious, that they felt the freedom to challenge him.

That's beautiful.

Do your friends know that they have that freedom with you?

And if they don't, I I recommend that you tell them.

I recommend that you take your wisest friend this week.

If you want one action step, take your wisest friend, the wisest person you know, and you say, Hey, I just want you to know this.

Maybe you know it already, but if I haven't made it clear, you have my permission to challenge me when I need to be challenged.

And I may not like it, and you may need to give me the time to process it.

I might be mad about it, but you have my permission, and I will never hold that against you.

It's like the wisest thing you could do.

Give them permission.

And finally, and this is where it's it's it's something, this is the most important aspect.

Let's walk with Jesus.

Let's walk with Jesus.

Jesus says in John 15, 15, we looked at this a few weeks ago.

I no longer call you slaves because a master doesn't confide in his slaves.

Now you are my friends, since I have told you everything the Father told me.

Jesus said this to his disciples, but it applies to us.

Jesus is a friend to you.

You can walk with him all throughout life.

He will speak to you, he will affirm you and encourage you when you need encourage, and he will challenge you when you need challenge.

Because he's your friend, he's a good friend, and he's a godly friend, and he's a wise friend.

And when you give your life to Jesus, when you submit to him and give him your life, he gives you his friendship and all that comes with it.

Jesus holds nothing back from you.

You know, we all have friends that that we trust more than others.

Hopefully we do, if we have discernment, right?

If you have discernment, you have you have a friend that you just trust the most.

We all have friends, people we like, and we're like, I don't know if I trust that person with this, but there's probably someone, or I hope there's someone that you you know you can trust with everything.

You hold nothing back.

But I want you to know that even if you can't think of a person in your life right now that you trust on that level, you can trust Jesus with that.

You don't have to hold anything back from him, you don't have to, you don't have to hide anything from him.

Number one, he already knows.

That's the frustrating thing about Jesus.

He knows everything.

No use hiding anything.

But he loves you and he has a plan, and he's not gonna hold back from you.

There's never gonna be a moment in your life where Jesus knows what you need, but he says, Nah, I'm not gonna do that.

I'm not gonna give them the help that they need.

I know they need encouragement right now, I'm just not gonna encourage them.

I don't have time.

That's never gonna happen with Jesus.

He does not hold back.

That is one of the greatest lies that our enemy has ever told to us is that our God is a God who holds back, that our God is a God who keeps from us.

That was at the foundation of the first lie that he tells in Genesis, which leads us as people to rebel against God.

He says, Hey, God has held out on you.

That is not true.

Our God doesn't hold out at all.

Whatever you need, Jesus has it and he'll give it to you.

So if you need wisdom, walk with Jesus on a daily basis.

Remember that he's with you, that he's alive.

Jesus is alive.

When you pray, you're not praying to a historical figure who lived 2,000 years ago and then died.

You're praying to a living God who is alive and active through the Holy Spirit in your life.

And when you walk with Jesus, when you give your life to Jesus, he gives you everything you need.

You need wisdom, he's got it.

It is better to receive a wound from a friend than it is to receive a kiss from an enemy.

So I want to encourage you guys this morning, all of us listening, all of us watching from home, I want to encourage you to value wisdom so much that you walk with Jesus and you surround yourself with people who love you enough to tell you the truth, even when it hurts.

Let's pray.

Father God, thank you for this amazing, amazing church.

Thank you, God, for the world that we live in, the fact that even when it's crazy and hectic and chaotic and uncertain, that we have certainty that you are the God who is in control, that there is nothing that will ever happen that could ever happen that you don't have the final say over.

And Lord, right now we just ask, in your name, Jesus, we ask that you make us people who welcome the right kind of wound, that we would be people who can lay pride aside, that we would be people who wouldn't be so worried about feeling discomfort that we avoid the right kind of wound, the wisdom of a friend, even when it challenges us.

Lord, help us be people who value wisdom so much that we surround ourselves with it.

Help us be people who give others permission to challenge us when we need it.

Help us be people who receive that, especially when it comes from you, Jesus.

We love you, we ask all this in your name.

Amen.