Care Less About What Others Think

Well, if we've never met before, I want to start by saying, my name's Justin.

And this right here, what you're what you're looking at, is the uh 2023, about to turn 40 version of Justin.

But as a little bit of a setup for what we're gonna talk about today, I want to introduce you to a different Justin.

This is the 2009 25-year-old Justin, okay, right there.

Uh is he 16?

No.

He's 25.

He's a grown man, he just can't grow facial hair and hide the baby fat that has never left his body or face to this day.

Um so that version of me, long time ago, 13 plus years ago, I was the youth pastor here at his hands, didn't have kids yet, but Megan and I were expecting our first.

And I was also an aspiring sports journalist.

And in my free time, I would write tons and tons of sports articles, and and to be honest, there was a period of time where I was very torn between which path I was going to go.

Do I want to go with like the church thing?

I was already here and I loved it, but then I was doing the sports thing and I was having some cool opportunities, and that was really fun too.

And that picture is me uh covering a big basketball tournament for CBS sports years and years ago.

It was this cool God-orchestrated thing.

I I was asked to be CBS's official writer for this big basketball tournament, and that was like the opportunity of a lifetime for me.

Because if you know me, you know that basketball is a passion of mine, and it just so happened that in this tournament is the team that I grew up rooting for.

Um I grew up as a Duke Blue Devil fan, yeah, boo, whatever, I don't care.

Um it's just the team that I picked when I was like 12.

I was like them.

And then I was all about it from then on.

They were in that tournament.

And I knew that that meant that I was going to have an opportunity to come face to face with the players that I rooted for, to come face to face with a coach that I had grown up, to be honest, like idolizing.

If you're not familiar, the Duke Blue Devils used to be coached by a man named Mike Sheshewski.

His last name is spelled K-R-Z-Y-Z-E-W-S-K-I.

Shoshevsky.

It's phonetic, it's great.

Um, so Coach K was gonna be at this tournament, and that's Coach K.

This just incredibly soft, warm, I mean, dare I say handsome?

I mean, it clearly just every woman's dream is that that guy.

Uh Coach K, no, he's an intense dude, and he's known for that.

And so I knew I was gonna have a chance to talk to him, like in a professional setting.

It was a big deal, it was a big moment in my life.

And I remember in the days leading up to this tournament, going, okay, what are you gonna ask him?

What are you gonna ask him?

Like you're in that press conference room, and and he points to you or however that works, and you say your thing, what are you gonna ask him?

Because I wanted, I'm just being honest, I wanted to impress him.

You know, I I didn't want to just be one of those guys that asked the whole, like, hey, how did it feel when you won the game?

You know, question.

Like, it felt good.

I wanted, I wanted a question that was so insightful that it it demonstrated such a depth of knowledge, not only of the sport, but of his program, that he would literally go, that's an amazing question.

And not only will I answer your question, I would like to be friends with you.

I would like you to invite you over to my home.

In fact, we have a role on our staff, and I think you're the person.

Like that's the level of that's the level of response I was hoping for.

I I desperately want, I'm just being honest, I desperately wanted to impress this man.

I wanted him to have a high opinion of me.

I wanted him to think I was amazing, and that mattered so much to me that I spent days carefully crafting what I thought would be the perfect, most insightful question.

And then the moment came.

It was day two, day one, didn't get called on.

Day two, hand is raised.

He looks at me, we lock eyes, me and Mike.

And he points at me.

And I asked.

And I'm gonna tell you what happened a little bit later in the message as a setup.

I'm so sorry.

Ha ha! But it will all it will all come into play.

Let me let me back up for a second and talk about what we're talking about today that that story very much connects with.

We're starting a new series today.

If you're just joining us, we're doing something this year kind of cool.

We're going through the entire story of the Bible.

We're calling this the whole story.

We've broken up the story of Scripture into 14 different series.

And we just wrapped up our fifth series last week, which was so much blood, so now we're done with that one.

And no more blood, guys.

That's it.

All the blood is gone.

It's good.

Um, no, we had a really good time going through that.

That was a blast, right?

You guys will always remember that, enjoy all those conversations about blood and guts and violence and the Bible.

It's great.

No, actually, again, thank you for bearing through that.

I really enjoyed that whole conversation.

And, you know, it's just a great reminder of what.

Well, nevermind, I'm not gonna rehash it.

You can listen to those messages again.

Today we start the next series, and this is gonna take us through most of the summer.

It's called Messy Majesty.

Messy Majesty.

What we're looking at over the next several weeks are the stories of the first kings of the nation of Israel.

If you read the Old Testament of the Bible, a huge chunk is dedicated to telling you the story of Israel through the lens of these different men that end up leading the nation.

It tells us hundreds of years of history in terms of how God has interacted with people.

And it's it's very it's very interesting because these stories, for the most part, serve as cautionary tales.

In our world, in our culture, if you were to go read a book about a president, about some leader in the world, that book has probably been so carefully crafted.

It's been edited so highly, and it's going to almost always be done in such a way to highlight and maximize all the good qualities about that person, even if you have to lie and just make those up.

And it's gonna do its best to hide all the junk, all the mess.

And the Bible just doesn't do that.

Just doesn't do that.

We talk about that pretty often.

The Bible does this amazing job of recording not just the highs but the lows of all of these people, even though they were people in power, you would think that they would have somehow worked it out that no one's ever going to record what just went down.

But no, scripture tells us the truth.

And so as you read through the story of the kings, you're reading, you're reading a mess.

You're reading drama.

You are reading people making horrific, like face palm level mistakes.

But the beauty of it is we actually have the opportunity to learn from their mess.

Any of you have older siblings?

Raise your hand if you have older siblings.

Yeah, okay, cool.

I have two older siblings.

And I'm grateful that I got to learn from their mistakes.

I can remember times where I saw my older brother, my older sister especially, because she was closer in age, so I had more, I had a closer view to some of that.

Like I have moments I remember with my sister where it was like, mental note, never say that to dad.

Right?

Mental, I I'll never forget the day that I was hanging out with my my sister.

She was in college.

We were coming to visit her, and my dad had worked it out with her that she just had to get really good grades because she was super smart.

And as long as she got good grades, he was gonna, you know, do the things that he was doing for her, I'm sure, you know, financial and whatnot.

And her grades were really bad.

And I was sitting in the living room with her and my dad.

I was just minding my own business, watching TV or something, and he brings it up.

And I remember my sister said, Well, dad, the reason I don't have very good grades is because I'm just not challenged enough.

And I just remember being like, How do I get out of this room?

Like, and I couldn't.

Like I was absolut I was like stuck.

There was no, I was just like, all right, well, this is not gonna go well.

You know, I know my dad, and my dad, he's like, oh, it's not you need a challenge?

Oh, okay.

If you need if you need to be challenged, let me give you a challenge.

And then the next few minutes were really interesting.

And I remember saying to myself, never, never do that.

Thank you, sister, for teaching me that lesson, and I can learn it the easy way, not the hard way.

We have that opportunity with the kings because their lives are very much cautionary tales.

And we can learn from them.

And we actually learn incredibly practical, like super practical, life-altering truth from these people.

And so today we start with the very first king that Israel ever had, a man named Saul, a man who is more set up for success than just about anyone you can imagine, but ultimately he's completely undone because of his obsessive need to impress other people, his desperate desire for people to have a high opinion of him.

Now, the setup for Saul is interesting because he's the very first king of Israel, even though Israel's been functioning as a nation for quite a while.

Israel did not have kings originally, God didn't want that, they had judges.

And if you've ever read the book of Judges, you're reading a book about these leaders that were before the kings.

And the judges are awesome.

They're people that would hear from God, they were like prophets.

They would basically listen to God lead the people.

Super simple.

Listen to God, lead the people.

And they weren't afraid to get their hands dirty.

They were kind of like warriors and prophets and these civic leaders all rolled into one.

But Israel as a as a people, they got to the point where they didn't they didn't want judges anymore.

They wanted to be like all the other nations around them.

All these other nations had kings.

And so all this kind of comes to the head during the reign of the last judge of Israel, a man named Samuel.

And so, 1 Samuel chapter 8 is where we pick up.

1 Samuel 8 · chapter mention

It says, As Samuel grew old, he appointed his sons to be judges over Israel.

Joel and Abijah, his two oldest sons, held court in Beersheba, but they were not like their father, for they were greedy for money.

They accepted bribes and perverted justice.

Finally, all the elders of Israel met at Ramah to discuss the matter with Samuel.

Look, they told him, You are now old, and your sons are not like you.

Give us a king to judge us like all the other nations have.

Samuel was displeased with their request and went to the Lord for guidance.

Do everything they say to you, the Lord replied, for they're rejecting me, not you.

They don't want me to be their king any longer.

Ever since I brought them from Egypt, and have continually, uh they have continually abandoned me and followed other gods, and now they're giving you the same treatment.

Do as they ask, but solemnly warn them about the way a king will reign over them.

God has this amazing capacity to let us make decisions that he knows are not the best if we really want to.

He gives us freedom.

He's a God of freedom.

And so he says, hey, they're making a huge mistake.

This is not going to go well, but they're rejecting me, not you, Samuel, so give them what they're asking for.

Sometimes God gives us what we ask for, even if it's not what we need.

And so they start to look for a king.

Samuel in particular, he's looking for a king.

And we first meet Saul, the first king of Israel, in 1 Samuel chapter 9.

1 Samuel 9 · chapter mention

It says this there was a wealthy, influential man named Kish from the tribe of Benjamin.

He was the son of Abel, the son of Zarer, the son of Becharath, the son of Aphiah from the tribe of Benjamin, and his son Saul was the most handsome man in Israel, head and shoulders taller than anyone else in the land.

So right away, we're going, yeah, God says, You want a king, and I'm going to give you the exact kind of king that you think you want.

He's going to be tall.

He's going to be handsome.

He's wealthy and he's influential.

He is wealthy, influential, tall, and handsome.

I mean, I'm not, you don't have to have that in a king or a leader, but I mean, it's it can't hurt.

He's also young, he's only 30 years old.

So it's almost like a like a bachelorette show.

You know what I mean?

Like here's Saul, and he's 30, and he's tall and handsome and wealthy and influential.

And so he's the guy that God draws Samuel to.

There's this really interesting sort of wild goose chase scenario that leads Saul to Samuel, and Samuel says, Hey, you're you're gonna be king.

And it finally comes time for Saul to be anointed king and then presented to the people.

And we see this in 1 Samuel chapter 10.

1 Samuel 10 · chapter mention

It says, Samuel said to all the people, This is the man the Lord has chosen as your king.

No one in all Israel is like him.

Like, look at him.

He's taller, more handsome, more influential, more wealthy.

He's the best.

And all the people shouted, Long live the king.

So Saul is off to an amazing start.

It's amazing.

I mean, he looks the part.

He is exactly what you would think of when you're thinking, we need a king.

This guy, he's impressive.

The people love him.

They wanted a king.

He's exactly what they wanted, he's exactly what they asked for, and it goes incredibly well at first.

The people of Israel have been attacked for a long period of time, really bothered by this other group of people called the Philistines.

The Philistines have had a lot of victory and battles over the Israelites, and they're sort of up against it.

And Saul immediately leads them against the Philistines and scores a victory.

So now he's he's tall, he's handsome, he's wealthy, he's influential, he's young, and he is successful.

I mean, he's the guy.

And as you read through this, you're thinking, man, Saul is like, this is gonna go so well.

If you don't know how the story ends, spoiler alert, it doesn't it doesn't end well for Saul.

If you don't know how the story ends, you're reading this for the first time, you're like, this is this is he's the guy.

And then really early, abruptly, like almost out of nowhere, a screeching halt in the momentum of Saul's life, he has this stumble, and his kingdom is just taken away from him, at least in terms of what God says will ultimately happen.

And it seems very, very abrupt, kind of out of nowhere.

Here's what happens the Philistines don't like that the Israelites beat them, and so they gather a huge force.

And they're gonna have this battle.

And Samuel instructs Saul to gather his men and to wait, to wait at this place called Gilgal.

And Samuel says, Listen, wait seven days.

I'm gonna come back in seven days, I'm gonna sit, I'm gonna make a sacrifice to the Lord, and then I'll tell you what to do.

And so we pick up in 1 Samuel chapter 13.

1 Samuel 13 · chapter mention

It says, Meanwhile, Saul stayed at Gilgal, and his men were trembling with fear.

Saul waited there seven days for Samuel, as Samuel had instructed him earlier, but Samuel didn't come.

Saul realized that his troops were rapidly slipping away, so he demanded, Bring me the burnt offering and the peace offerings, and Saul sacrificed the burnt offering himself.

Just as Saul was finishing with the burnt offering, Samuel arrived.

Saul went out to meet and welcome him, but Samuel said, What is this you've done?

Saul replied, I saw my men scattering from me, and you didn't arrive when you said you would.

And the Philistines are here at Mi'kmash, ready for battle.

So I said, The Philistines are ready to march against us at Gilgal, and I haven't even asked for the Lord's help.

So I felt compelled to offer the burnt offering myself before you came.

How foolish, Samuel exclaimed.

You have not kept the command the Lord your God gave you.

Had you kept it, the Lord would have established your kingdom over Israel forever, but now your kingdom must end, for the Lord has sought out a man after his own heart.

The Lord has already appointed him to be the leader of his people because you have not kept the Lord's command.

Now, this seems harsh.

It seems harsh, right?

Like, I mean, come on, like I look at that and I can actually spin it pretty easily to say Saul's just showing initiative.

You know, he's the leader, he's the king.

The men are slipping away, Samuel's running late, and something's got to be done.

And so Saul has the initiative, the drive to say, hey, I'll do it.

It's on me.

And Samuel shows up and he says, You have disobeyed God.

And now your kingdom's gonna be taken away from you.

That's like a severe consequence.

And I'll be honest, for most of my life, I would read these stories and I would just feel so bad for Saul.

Because I kind of felt like Saul got like he just had too short of a leash.

There's never been a king before.

Like, give this guy some room, give him some wiggle room.

It's his first mistake.

But what you actually see in Saul, just a little bit in this story, this there's a hint of a fatal flaw that he has.

A fatal flaw that so many people have.

A fatal flaw that all of us can relate to.

Saul's excuse is that he sees his men slipping away.

You know, up to this point, he's just been Mr.

Popular, right?

He's the tall, handsome, wealthy, influential, successful young guy.

And now for the first time, people are looking at Saul and they're kind of going, like, yeah, no, I'm not with you anymore.

And they're slipping away, and he can't handle that.

He can't handle the very first time that people express a lack of confidence in him and they respond to him in a way that doesn't make him feel good, he immediately kind of freaks out to the point that he's willing to actually disobey what God has told him to do in order to change the way the people feel about him.

You see this hint of Saul needing people to like him, to be with him, to have confidence in him.

You just see a little bit of it, but it comes into much clearer focus later on.

The Israelites continue to fight against the Philistines, and this comes to another kind of stalemate situation.

And there's this moment where the army of Israel is basically facing the army of the Philistines, and the Philistines have this soldier, his name's Goliath, he's a giant, huge, very intimidating soldier.

And Goliath starts coming out and taunting the army of Israel, saying, Hey, if any of you fights me and beats me, you can just have all of us.

We'll be your slaves.

But I don't think any of you are strong enough, brave enough to come against me.

And no one is.

No one is.

Not even Saul.

Until this young, young guy shows up one day, his brothers are in the army, his name's David.

He shows up and he's like, What's going on?

And everyone explains to him, and David's like in sense.

He's like, You're telling me that this guy's just been taunting Israel, taunting our God, and no one's doing anything?

I'll fight him.

And Saul lets this young guy, David, go and fight the battle that honestly Saul probably should have fought himself.

And David's victorious.

And he defeats Goliath.

And this charges up the men of Israel, and they run and they take the Philistines down.

I mean, it's the most decisive victory they have ever had, and they are riding high.

And Saul now has more momentum in his kingdom than he has ever had before.

Like he's in the best place he's ever been.

He's now had a decisive victory, and apparently he's got this superstar as part of his army now.

Like he's got this guy that he can just ride this guy to success.

Everything is so set up for Saul to be successful, but on their way back from this incredible victory, everything comes undone for Saul.

It's let's let's look at it.

1 Samuel chapter 18, 6 through 9.

1 Samuel 18 · chapter mention

When the victorious Israelite army was returning home after David had killed the Philistine, women from all the towns of Israel came out to meet King Saul.

They sang and they danced for joy with tambourines and cymbals.

This was their song.

Saul has killed his thousands and David his ten thousands.

And this made Saul very angry.

What's this, he said?

They credit David with ten thousands?

And me with only thousands?

Next, they'll make him their king, and that's some foreshadowing.

So from that time on, Saul kept a jealous eye on David.

And if you continue to read Saul's story, you know that this really marks the end of his kingdom.

Because from this point on, Saul is obsessed with David.

He tries to kill David multiple times.

He actually tries to kill his son Jonathan because his son Jonathan is his friends with David, and Saul's entire focus from this point on is just David, David, David.

For a while he lets David be close to him, but then he casts David out.

David has to go be an outlaw.

He hunts David down, he tries to capture David, tries to kill David, and eventually he ends up himself being killed by the Philistines.

Instead of having David at his side, fighting alongside him, defeating the actual enemy, he makes an enemy of the one that was helping him out, and it's his undoing because he is obsessed.

Saul is obsessed with what people think about him.

He's obsessed.

Just hearing these people on the tail end of David's amazing victory, and David is the one that had the victory.

Just hearing people celebrate David a little bit more than Saul.

He can't handle it.

Just the idea that people don't like him as much, that obsession, that that fixation on the opinions and the thoughts of others completely unravels his entire kingdom, not just for him, but for his whole family.

And to be honest, I wish this wasn't true.

I can really relate to Saul.

And I wish I could relate to him in the whole like young, tall, wealthy, handsome, influential category, but not that.

No, no, no, no.

No, I I can relate, I can relate to Saul when it comes to this need to be liked.

I'll share a quote, I think, from one of the greatest philosophers of our of our time.

Do I need to be liked?

Absolutely not.

I like to be liked, I enjoy being liked, I have to be liked, but it's not like this compulsive need to be liked, like my need to be praised.

Michael Scott from the office.

It's funny, honestly, it's funny how like the absolute funniest things in comedy are things that we laugh at because they reveal something that's true about us as people.

Like that's why it's so funny, it's so relatable.

Like, I I wish that I I wish that I didn't relate to Saul at all when it can when it comes to this need to be to be praised, to be liked.

Oh my goodness, I have so many moments in my life where if I look back and I ask the question, why did I do that?

The simple answer was because I cared so much about what that person thought about me.

I just I cared so much.

I was trying to impress them.

I was trying to present the best version of myself to them.

It's amazing the kind of knots we can twist ourselves into.

And even the sort of things that we'll allow ourselves to do that we would even say we're against, like the things that we would say are wrong, but We justify it if we're trying to control and influence the way that people see us.

You know, it's like the cliche would be someone who has their 20-year high school anniversary.

And now with social media, I don't even think those are a thing anymore.

Maybe they are, but it's like the whole point of those was you haven't seen these people in 20 years, you know, see how they're doing.

Judge them.

That's the whole point of it.

And now we can just do that digitally all the time.

So I don't need to go to a 20-year high school reunion.

I can judge them all online.

Why would I go through the trouble of all of that?

But you know, like the cliche would be somebody's got their 20-year high school anniversary and they've got to like, they gotta get in shape, you know, they they they maybe they want to get a better car because they want to roll up to that thing and impress everybody else so that everyone's like, wow, they're doing better than me.

And that's like a movie cliche.

There have been lots of different storylines about that.

And though it's cliched, again, it reveals this part of our nature as human beings.

Like, I'm not gonna ask you to answer this out loud because we all know the answer.

Have you ever lied?

Have you ever lied?

Just to either influence, manipulate, or protect the way that someone felt about you?

I have.

Oh man.

Isn't it?

It's just hard to disappoint people.

And so I I'll give you an example.

Like someone, maybe, let's say someone invites you to something that you don't want to go to.

They're like, hey, you should come to this.

And you don't want to.

Do you say no?

I will not be going.

And they're like, why?

I do not want to.

Do you have something better going on?

I do not.

I would rather sit at home doing nothing than going to this thing that you have invited me to.

That is very important to you.

Obviously, that would be rude to say that.

But like, we don't, we don't, how often do we just lie a little bit?

Oh man, I wish I could.

That's a lie.

No, you don't.

Oh, oh, I want to, but I just realized.

Right?

I mean, we've all probably just lied and said something that wasn't true so that the person would just accept our no.

Or you have this part of your nature where you actually have a legitimate excuse, and you're like, thank God.

Because I want to say no, and now I have a reason to say no.

Now I say this, I've got a really good friend named Trevor.

Um, we were best friends in high school, and Trevor might be here today.

Um, or maybe he's watching from home, or maybe he's not here.

So, like he invited, he's a great musician, like phenomenal musician.

And he invited me to watch him, he's invited me like 10 times to watch him play.

He opens for bands, does all kinds of stuff, and I'm just like, every time I have something going on.

And he probably thinks I'm lying.

And so last night I tried to call him, I had a question for him, and uh, and he's like, hey, you should come, I'm playing this thing.

And my daughter had a uh a dance recital last night.

My my one and only girl, this amazing ah, it was amazing.

Always brings me to tears.

And I was like, oh man, you know, dance recital, I can't.

Now, I'm saying that because I know he's gonna hear this potentially and think Justin's talking about last night when I asked him to come to my thing, and he was like, Oh, I'd love to, but uh my daughter has a dance recital.

And I promised Trevor, if you're here or watching, that's not no, I legitimately would have I would love to come watch you play.

My daughter did have a dance recital.

It wasn't a lie, and I wasn't even glad that she did, so that I could say no to you.

But there have been many situations in life, many other situations, where someone that I like care about, kind of, invites me to something that I don't want to go to.

And more, and because I have four children, I just have this like, oh man, look, our calendar's nuts, and I can just be like, ah, I can't.

And now every single one of you are always gonna wonder, was that me?

Was that me?

And the next time you invite me to something, I'm like, ah, I can't, you're gonna be like, he's just, and you're just gonna have to the answer is maybe, maybe.

I can't tell you for sure.

No, I try not to lie.

But we we all relate to that.

Because the idea of just disappointing someone and just saying something that makes them not like us more is it's hard.

And so we we do things that we don't even believe are right just to sort of influence the way people feel about us.

We lie.

All right, Saul disobeyed the Lord to try to change the way things were going with his men.

You know, those those lies, by the way, can become a little bit more intense than just what I was describing.

I I had an addiction for a long time.

I've talked about it, I don't want to go into it because sometimes I just don't need to go into it.

But like I had an addiction for a long time, and there were moments that my wife was you know suspicious or or concerned, and I would just lie to her.

I'm not proud of it, but years ago, there were times that she would just say, Hey, is this what's going on?

And I would just go, No.

Which was just a lie.

And the reason was because I was so ashamed, so embarrassed, and could not stomach the idea of her losing respect for me.

Um, so I lied, which, you know, when that all came out, didn't help, right?

Didn't raise the respect level.

But the simple truth is, I so desperately needed her, wanted her to love me.

I was so worried about what would happen if the truth came out that I was willing to lie, to do something that I believe is wrong, to control the way that she felt about me.

I really hope I'm not the only one who is doing these things.

Um actually, I do hope I'm the only one.

I don't want any of you to do that stuff.

I'm sorry when I say that.

I just I feel a little exposed.

Okay, let's move on.

I'll tell you a story of a guy that isn't me.

There we go.

So I had this friend, and he worked for a company, and this company got this really cool new camera.

Like super, this is years ago, it was like top-of-the-line camera, and and he took it home with him to sort of to test it out.

And he didn't think it would be a big deal, and he but he forgot it at home.

So he took it home, he's like, Well, test it out, he wanted to get good with it, and then the next day they're all looking for the camera, and it's like everyone's freaking out because the camera's missing.

And he's like, What do I do?

And so he just sort of joins in the hunt, you know, like he's walking around, he knows it's at home.

So the next day, he he comes and he sort of puts it in a weird place, and then he finds it.

And he's like, Hey, look, I found it.

And everyone at first is like, yeah, you're the hero.

Like, yay.

But then people start to think, they're like, Man, I I know I checked there.

And it wasn't there.

And so basically, you know, he has this meeting, and they're like, Look, tell us the truth.

And he said, Okay, fine.

I took it home, I wanted to test it out, I left it at home, I freaked out, and so I just I lied because I didn't, I just, I'm sorry.

And they said, You're fired.

He lost his job.

And all of that stemmed from that fear of what would happen if the truth was was told.

This fear of disappointing people, this fear of letting people down, this need for people to like us, to agree with us.

And what would it be like if you were free of that?

Like truly free.

Like honestly, what would it be like if you could say, I don't care what people think about me?

Who?

Like, I think there's a freedom in that that is more freedom than than any freedom that can exist on earth.

Like true freedom.

I am not concerned or consumed by what other people think about me.

Not even like a person.

Like some of us here are going, I I'm fine, I don't worry about that.

Is there one person?

I mean just a single person whose opinion matters so much to you that you are willing, if you're honest with yourself, to kind of twist yourselves in knots sometimes, just whatever it takes to try to please that person, make that person happy, keep that person happy, impress that person.

Is there one person?

Just one that matters so much to you that you're like, yeah, I I struggle sometimes just being 100% genuine, even if it's not lying and sinning, just being genuine around this person because I I want them to respond to me in a certain way.

Jesus Christ didn't have a single person on this earth that he worried about impressing.

I think about that.

Maybe that's why he was able to live with so much focus and such intentioning and intentionality and intensity, because there was not one person, not one person that he was worried about.

I wonder if they think this about me.

We see this so many times in his life.

Matthew chapter 16.

Matthew 16 · chapter mention

It says, When Jesus came to the region of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, who do people say that the Son of Man is?

And notice he calls himself Son of Man.

That's a title from the Old Testament.

It's a prophetic title, and it means like the Messiah.

So he knows who he is.

Like he's fully aware of who he is.

Because he calls himself the Son of Man.

Well, they replied, some say John the Baptist, some say Elijah, others say Jeremiah or one of the other prophets.

Now, pause for a second to realize those are amazing compliments.

Like, people are saying that he's a prophet.

There hasn't been a prophet in Israel for 400 years at this point in history.

People are saying he's a prophet.

People are saying he's like the reincarnated Elijah.

And actually, they wouldn't have said reincarnated because Elijah was taken up to heaven instead of dying, and so you know, they were told Elijah would come back.

And so they're like, you're him.

That's a big deal.

And Jesus doesn't seem to be moved by any of that at all.

He doesn't go, wow, they're saying that about me?

That's pretty like, that's pretty good.

He just goes right on, who do you say I am?

It doesn't matter to him.

I've always loved this story, Matthew chapter 12.

Matthew 12 · chapter mention

Then a demon-possessed man who was blind and couldn't speak was brought to Jesus.

He healed the man so that he could both speak and see, and the crowd was amazed and asked, Could it be that Jesus is the Son of David, the Messiah?

But when the Pharisees, the religious leaders, heard about the miracle, they said, No wonder he can cast out demons.

He gets his power from Satan, the prince of demons.

So offensive.

Now Jesus knew their thoughts and replied, Any kingdom divided by civil war is doomed.

A town or family splintering by feuding will fall apart, and if Satan is casting out Satan, he is dividing and fighting against himself, and his own kingdom will not survive.

I've always been blown away by that.

Because Jesus doesn't get defensive, he doesn't get offended, he doesn't go, how how how dare you?

How dare you say that I am in league with Satan?

Have you not seen what I've done?

Have you not seen my miracles?

This man was blind, he couldn't speak, I just healed him.

None of you could do that.

How could you say he doesn't, he just like, eh, well, that doesn't make any sense.

Because if I'm casting out Satan and I'm Satan, and Satan's casting out himself.

I mean, guys, come on.

Think things through.

Like that's what Jesus does.

But you can just tell, there's just something about that, that there's no need for him to defend himself and try to make them see who he really is.

He's okay with them having such a low, weird opinion of him, and he just shows them the fallacy of it.

It's so perfect because he's not riled up.

It's amazing.

Mark chapter 11, I love this one too.

Mark 11 · chapter mention

As they entered Jerusalem and Jesus was walking through the temple area, the leading priests, the teachers of religious law, and the elders came up to him.

They demanded, by what authority are you doing all these things?

Who gave you the right to do them?

And I'll tell you by what authority I do these things if you answer one question, Jesus replied.

Did John, talking about John the Baptist, did John's authority to baptize come from heaven or was it merely human?

Answer me.

They talked it over among themselves.

I just see him like huddled up like a little football hutter, like, okay, guys, come here.

Like this.

Okay, here's it.

It's like the scenario.

If we say it was from heaven, he'll ask why we didn't believe John.

But do we dare say it was merely human?

For they were afraid of what the people would do.

Oh, see that?

Because everyone believed that John was a prophet.

So they finally replied, we don't know, and Jesus responded, Then I won't tell you by what authority I do these things.

I love it, because what I struggle with, even, I think, more than anything, is when I feel like I'm right, and I know that I'm right, I know that someone else is wrong.

Like I kind of need them to know that I'm right and they're wrong.

You ever have that?

Like I just, whether it's my wife, my children, it's like, I need you to know that I'm right, and you don't know that I'm right, but you need to.

And so if I'm Jesus in that scenario and you're asking me, like, by what authority, I want you to know what authority.

I want to show, I want to, the fact that Jesus could just be like, yeah, I'm not gonna answer your question and walk on and them not know, like that should, he didn't care.

He didn't, there wasn't one person on the planet that Jesus was living to impress, and it made his life amazing, it made his life effective, it made his life focused.

Because we spend so much time and so much energy working so hard to control what so many people think about us.

And we don't even always know what they think about us.

At least Jesus often knew, they said it.

Half the time we're trying to control what we think other people think about us, and it's exhausting.

It's a waste of time, it's a waste of energy, and as we see in Saul's life, it undoes our success.

If you live your life trying to control what other people say or think about you, it just undoes your success.

And the ability to be okay with people, not agreeing with you, not liking you, not believing you, not respecting you, even if you know they ought to, to just be okay with that and move on, that is like that is like an absolute real life superpower.

And I'll I'm gonna share a story that I don't know if I should share.

I'm thinking about this.

I think you I I I think it can okay.

And if if not, then I'm sorry.

I think this is good though.

I'll I'll show you the the the most amazing moment I ever saw something like that happen.

Where someone in my life like showed that.

And it's Steve who started his hands.

Steve was a mentor of mine for years, still, still is.

You know, I've I've been open about uh, I've really been open over the years about some of the struggles I've had in the past, you know, with pornography and whatnot.

Steve was open about struggles he had had in the past with alcohol.

He'd shared from that, from the stage years ago.

Um, part of our culture at his hands has always been look, we're not like pastor is not my title, it's my role.

No one calls me pastor.

My name's Justin.

Half of you call me Jason.

I don't even correct you, I don't care.

Like, I've gotten to that point in life, I'm fine with it.

If it starts with a J, I'm just proud of you.

I'm like, that's awesome.

Well done.

And it means I don't have to remember your name.

It's great.

It actually takes the pressure off.

Um and so we've always been a church where if you're on this stage, one of our deepest values is you are who you are.

And so that's one of the things I love about this is that no one who's on this stage, like I'll use Matt as an example.

I love Matt, does a great job with our worship team.

Matt is Matt.

And when Matt sings, that's that's Matt.

When he talks, he doesn't shift into some different persona.

There's just a genuineness, there's an authenticity that we really value.

And sometimes that means being open.

Okay?

But when you're open, you share things, and you know, it's a big group of people, and a lot of people know your stuff, and that's not always great.

So there was this person that left our church, and they were mad.

This is years ago, so I think the Statute of Limitations has run out.

They were mad.

And they left us a scathing, scathing review.

It was like the meanest thing someone's ever posted.

But then they gave us two stars out of five, which I was kind of like, well, that's interesting, because it really felt like a one-star review when you read it.

But it was cool.

And actually, I'm I'm happy with it because I I think like our online review scores are way too high.

Like we're at like 4.9 out of five on that's Jesus would never have lived above a three.

So something's some of you need to just one-star reviewist, get the number down because it's too high.

It's too high.

There's no we shouldn't have a higher review score than Jesus.

I'm half joking.

So, this person, this is what they said.

And I was with I was with Steve the moment that he read this for the first time.

Because this was like a new thing back then, like the online reviews now, and I don't even I haven't looked at that in who knows how long.

I don't ever want to.

But like that was a new thing.

And so I was with Steve, and this thing came in, and it was a person that like we knew, so it was kind of personal.

And this is what they said: two-star review, bunch of mean stuff.

But their main thing, like their zinger, the was this is what happens when a church is run by alcoholics, porn addicts, and drug addicts.

And Steve read it.

This is this is like, oh guys, this is like next level mic drop.

This was amazing.

It will stay with me for the rest of my life because it actually severely influenced who I am as a person.

Steve just read it and he's super quiet.

He's not like me at all.

Talks little.

He read it, he looked up and he went, I wonder who the drug addict is.

Like, and then he just walked away.

And I was like, what just happened?

You know?

Because I'm sitting there and I'm like, I mean, my heart was wanting to like respond and be like, hey, I'm not, I have been through counseling, I've I shared this from like a place of vulnerability, that this was a struggle I had had and how God had worked in my life to help me be free of it.

And that was me sharing that, like to help people.

And and Steve shared his stuff.

I go on to fight for Steve, right?

Like, he shared his stuff to be vulnerable and to give people hope that if you're battling substance abuse, you're not alone, and people have been through it, and this person has the audacity.

And Steve just read it and went, I don't know of any drug addicts on our staff.

Well, maybe there is one.

And he walked away.

And what it showed, what it showed, and if I wasn't supposed to share that story, Steve, I'm sorry.

He just didn't care.

He just he didn't care.

He didn't care.

Didn't matter to him at all.

And here's the the beauty of it, and Jesus was the same way.

If the opinions of other people don't feed you, they can't starve you.

If the way that other people feel about you doesn't feed your self-worth, then it doesn't starve you when it's not what you would hope it to be.

Like, if someone gives you a two-star rating, who cares?

If someone gives you a five-star rating, who cares?

Jesus, the opposite of Saul, had figured out because he's Jesus, it doesn't matter what people think.

It doesn't matter what people say.

What if we could be like that?

What if we could live like that?

Think about the freedom of not worrying.

You know, when there's that picture posted of you, that you're like, no, no, no, no, no, no, take that down, right?

Because you don't like the way you look in the picture.

Who cares?

It's the way you look.

It's a picture.

I have a built-in excuse though, when it comes to pictures, if I'm ever like at a beach or something like that, and you know, I'm wearing like a shirt, and people are like, take your shirt off.

I'm like, hey, now you ever remember how growing up you always wanted to know what your pastor looked like with their shirt off?

And they're like, no, and I'm like, exactly.

So that's just my like built-in excuse.

That actually really works.

That's just my insecurity, you know, coming out.

Here's what I'm gonna say as we wrap up and worship team, you guys can make your way out.

Jesus models for us a true freedom that very few people experience, truly being free from what other people think.

Saul was undone by that very thing.

He was undone by it, ruined his kingdom, ruined his life.

You can be like Jesus.

Because the same spirit inside of you, if you've given your life to Jesus, you have the Holy Spirit.

That's the same spirit that Jesus relied upon, the same spirit that raised him from the dead.

You can be like that.

Now, I know it's easier said than done, and really quick, because I'm looking at the clock.

I mean, like, I was gonna go into a lot of detail about this, but I think I'm just gonna I'm just gonna hit it really fast.

I got three things for you.

Boom, boom, boom.

How how do you how do you do that?

Number one, decide to care more about people than you care about what they think.

There is a version of not caring what people think that is negative because you just don't care about people.

So, yes, you don't care what they think, it's just you don't care about them.

Don't be that.

Jesus wasn't that.

Saul, ironically, cared a lot about what people thought.

He didn't actually care about people.

He was horrible to people.

Jesus cared deeply about people, he loved them, but he just didn't let their opinions sway him.

There's a scripture in John 2 where Jesus talked about how he didn't trust people fully because he knew their hearts.

In other words, love people more than you trust them.

Care about them more than you care about what they think, because people are often wrong and uninformed.

Even the best people, even the smartest people, even the closest people to you.

So, number one, that's it.

Care more about people than you care what they think.

Number two, be okay disappointing people.

Jesus disappointed people all the time.

Think about that.

Jesus disappointed people all the time.

There were people multiple times in scripture that were disappointed by Jesus.

The people in his hometown were disappointed by Jesus.

Jesus once invited this man Zacchaeus to dinner, and all the people in that town grumbled because they were disappointed in that.

People didn't like the way that Jesus did things, they didn't like the way that he went about things.

Jesus Christ, Son of God, miracle-working, King of kings, disappointed people left and right.

And he shouldn't have because he's amazing and perfect.

But if he disappointed people, you're gonna disappoint so many more.

And it's okay.

Go back to that story I started with with Coach K.

I'm sitting in front of him, he points at me, says, Yes.

I say the question, and guys, I nailed it.

I didn't stutter, I didn't hesitate, stepped up.

Here

Here's the question.

You were like wondering what it was.

It's so specific to that, it wouldn't even matter to you.

Like it'd be like, why are you?

It's weird.

It was a great question.

Playing it out for days.

Coach K just looks at me.

I don't like that question.

And he called on the guy next to me.

That was that was my all that buildup.

That was my interaction with my childhood idol.

I worked all this time.

I got this amazing sports journalism opportunity.

I'm face to face with this legend, and I'm gonna ask him this question, trying so hard to impress him because like King Saul, I just wanted him to respect me and like me and be impressed by me.

And he just looks at me and goes, nope, and moves on.

And that's that's my Coach K story.

That's my interaction with Coach K.

It's great.

I disappointed my childhood idol.

And you know what?

I don't care.

I know.

I mean, I maybe care a little bit, but I'm working on it.

One of the best pieces of advice I was ever given is when I stepped into the leadership role here, is someone who I very much respect said, if you really want to be a leader, people are gonna say a lot of horrible things about you, and some of it's going to be true.

Because we're not perfect.

Jesus was perfect, is perfect, and he disappointed people.

And so if a perfect Jesus is gonna disappoint people, I mean, what what hope does an imperfect version of you have to not disappoint?

Be okay with it.

You're going to disappoint people.

And some of the disappointment is going to be unfounded, and some of it's going to be absolutely spot on.

Some of it's going to be with the people you want to impress the most and love the most.

And it's okay.

It's okay.

Because what they think ultimately, ultimately doesn't matter in the end.

And this is where we wrap up, because Jesus understood this more than anyone.

There is only one opinion that really matters.

There's only one.

That's the opinion of God.

Jesus, that's all he cared about.

Was what did God say?

You know, when Jesus got baptized, God said, This is my son who I love and he brings me joy.

And Jesus heard that and he received that and he believed that.

And every time, I believe, every time someone came in and said, You're this, you're that, you're whatever, you're demon-possessed, you're a fake, you're a phony, Jesus just would go, No, I know who I am, because I know what my father said about me.

And I hold on to that and I claim that is truth.

God's opinion does matter.

But the cool thing is you don't have to impress him because you kind of can't.

He's God, he loves you, and he wants to know you and have a relationship with you, and his opinion matters.

Like there will be a day, guys, not to be like end of the world stuff, but there will be a day when this is all done.

And everyone's scripture talks about how there's a judgment, and God will judge the world.

And I'm sorry, that's the only opinion that matters.

The only opinion that matters is the one who has the opinion at the end of days.

Like, that's it.

Because you're not gonna stand in front of God and be like, well, let me share with you what many other people have said.

Have you seen our 4.9 rating on Facebook?

I mean, don't pay attention to that too, Starwin, but she was nuts.

Like, you can't say stuff like that.

Because the point is, God knows all.

His opinion matters.

What has he said about you?

He has called you his child.

He said that you're forgiven, he said that you're blameless, that you've been made holy.

Like, that's the stuff that matters.

So Jesus, he understood that and he lived that out.

So, how do you practically do it?

Well, you decide to love people, care about people more than their opinions.

Care about the person, care less about the opinion.

Be okay with disappointing people.

You're gonna do it.

Even Jesus did.

And make sure that the one opinion you truly care about is the Lord's.

That's where Saul went wrong.

Because when push came to shove, it was God's opinion, what God said versus what the people thought, and every time he would go with the people.

We can learn from him.

So let's not be trapped by being people pleasers.

Let's be people disappointers.

That's the takeaway.

Let's all be huge disappointments.

How do you what do you say?

No.

No, let's just be people who live free, truly free, from the trap of caring deeply about what everybody else thinks.

Let's listen to our God and let his voice rise above the rest.

Pray with me.

Father, thank you for this day.

Thank you for this church.

Lord, thank you for every person who's here.

Lord, we recognize that we are so much like Saul, but we want to be like you.

We are all susceptible, Lord, to all kinds of silliness, all kinds of behavior that we don't even condone when it comes down to trying to influence and control the way that people see us.

And I pray, Lord, that that would just fall off of us, that we would leave it here, drop that, because at the end of the day, who cares?

God, help us be people who live free from the oppression of being worried about what others think.

And help us fixate our minds completely on you, what you think about us, what you say about us, because you've been very clear about that.

That we are yours, that we've been made righteous, we've been made pure.

You see us as your sons and daughters, and you love us just like you love Jesus.

Thank you, Father.

We pray this in your name.

Amen.