Jesus & Divorce

I'm super excited about what we're talking about today, and super excited, meaning I've spent a lot of time on this one because it is a very loaded subject, as you will see in just a few minutes.

But for context, we have been doing a study all year long called Following Jesus.

We are going through the entire book of Matthew.

We started this back in February.

We've just been trying to follow along in the footsteps of Jesus, learning as much as we can about him, as much as we can from him, trying to see him more clearly, because we should never, ever be done learning from Jesus.

Ever.

There's never going to be a day where you can say, I've learned enough, I'm good.

Jesus is amazing, and we could spend our entire lives, all of eternity, just trying to know him better, and we wouldn't get to the end of him.

That's how awesome he is.

Now, to help us follow along in the journey, we've actually tried to be as literal as we could be in terms of following Jesus.

We've used a lot of maps.

We haven't used one of these in a while because he hasn't really gone anywhere in a while, but that's about to change today.

So, just for context, this is the part of the world that Jesus was working in.

This is Israel.

You've got the Mediterranean Sea, you've got the Dead Sea there on the bottom right, the Sea of Galilee there in the top left.

We'll zoom in a little bit on it so you can see the actual area that Jesus was working in.

And these were the regions that were known at that time.

So we'll put those up on the screen.

And you can see this is where Jesus was.

This is where he traveled.

When you're reading scripture and you see words like Samaria, Galilee, Judea, this is where Jesus was.

Now, for most of his life and most of his ministry, he's in the northern part of Israel.

He's in Galilee.

He was born in Nazareth, where he wasn't born in Nazareth, but he grew up in Nazareth, and that was in Galilee.

He spent most of his time early on in his ministry, the first couple of years.

Most of his time was at the top of the Sea of Galilee in a place called Capernaum and the surrounding towns.

But today we're going to see Jesus make a giant move, and this really begins his journey to Jerusalem.

This is where Jesus starts to move toward the cross, toward death, toward resurrection.

So a lot is going to happen in the upcoming weeks.

We see Jesus make a move in Matthew chapter 19, verses 1 and 2.

Matthew 19:1

It says, When Jesus had finished saying these things, he left Galilee and he went down to the region of Judea, east of the Jordan River.

Large crowds followed him there, and he healed their sick.

So we'll go ahead and bring back the map and show you where Jesus goes.

He's going to leave Galilee, he's going to leave the Capernaum region, go all the way down through Samaria, and he goes all the way to Judea on the other side of the Jordan River.

And if you've been here from the very beginning, you might say that's familiar.

This is right about where Jesus was baptized.

So this is sort of the starting point of his ministry, and now he's close to the end.

And when he's there, he gets asked a very interesting question.

Matthew chapter 19, verse 3 says, Some Pharisees came and tried to trap him with this question.

Matthew 19:3

So Jesus gets thrust into a conversation about marriage and divorce.

Yay.

Here we go.

This is our topic today.

And if you're new to his hands, we don't skip stuff.

When we go through scripture, when we go through a book like the book of Matthew, we're going to teach on everything that comes our way, and sometimes it's really fun topics, it's awesome, and sometimes it's heavy topics.

It's a topic like divorce.

Jesus is going to speak to divorce today.

And I recognize on the front end that there are a lot of us in the room, a lot of different categories, and depending on where you're at, this could be a topic that seems like the furthest thing.

Like we got our high school students with us this morning.

What's up, high school students?

Make some noise for them.

They're awesome.

They're probably thinking, like, what does this have to do with me?

I met my wife in high school, so you guys, you never know.

I'm just saying.

You never know.

High school parents are like, don't say that.

Um Madison, our youth pastor, met his wife in high school.

Just saying.

Just saying.

But I know many of you have probably been affected by divorce.

Even as a young person, it affects so many of us.

Some of us here are married and we are happily married.

We have never been more in love.

We just can't believe that we get to be married to the person that we're married to, and divorce seems like the furthest thing from our minds.

I've been there, I am there.

I'm not just saying that to say it.

Like I love my wife.

I've never been more happy.

In fact, I'm so happily married, I forgot to put on my wedding ring this morning, so I drew one on with a Sharpie because I felt weird about not having my wedding ring on.

So, you know, it's great.

It's going great.

Marriage is great.

But I see I love my wife.

I wake up every morning and I'm blown away by her.

If you're married, though, and it's not going so great, it's not going the way you'd like it to go.

It's tough, it's difficult, and you don't know, if you're honest, you don't know how it's gonna work out.

I just want to let you know I've been there.

Seriously, I've been married for almost 20 years, and they haven't all been amazing.

Many of them have been very, very difficult.

In fact, our first year of marriage was so hard, it was so different than what we expected.

We had a really serious conversation about divorce one year into our marriage.

We talked, and our thought process was like, man, this does not seem like it's trending well.

It's just been one year, it's been a really hard year.

Neither of us are enjoying this, and we don't have kids yet, so should we should we bail before there's collateral damage?

That was a conversation that we had, and obviously we prayed about that and and decided not to, and I'm so grateful for that decision because I love my wife and I love my family.

But marriage is hard.

Some of us here have been divorced, and it's easy for a topic like this, a conversation like this, to be loaded with guilt and shame.

And I want to promise you this morning I'm not gonna give you any shame, and Jesus is not either.

That is not the point of what he's gonna say today, even though he's gonna speak in pretty strong terms.

Divorce is actually something that I have a lot of experience with in life.

I have an older brother who's been divorced, I have an older sister who's been divorced, I have an uncle who's been divorced four times, three times.

I just know that growing up I had a lot of ants, and then I didn't have that aunt anymore.

I had a new aunt.

It's like, remember your aunt?

She's not your aunt anymore, this is your new aunt.

Okay, here we go.

That was actually kind of tough because I liked a couple of those ants pretty well.

My dad was married before he married my mom, and he had two kids with his first wife.

And so growing up, I had a little bit of an interesting experience.

I like to joke that I was my family's only, middle, youngest, oldest child.

And it's true, it's true, because hear me out.

Growing up, for the first seven years of my life, I was the only child at home.

My dad had partial custody with his first wife, and every other weekend for two days, my older sister and brother, my half-brother and sister, would come and stay with us.

So I would go for two weeks being the only child and experiencing all the dynamics that an only child experiences.

And then for two days, I'm the youngest.

And I'm getting picked on and all that, and I loved it.

And then they'd leave and I'm back to being the only child.

And then when I was almost seven, my little brother was born, my whole brother, he was born.

And man, I wanted a brother so bad.

I had friends at school, and I remember going to school and learning that people had brothers and sisters that lived with them all the time.

I was like, that's amazing.

Because I didn't know that.

That wasn't my life.

And long before we started going to church, I had no idea who Jesus was.

I remember wishing on a star, because I think I'd seen that in a movie, for a little brother.

I had no idea what I was wishing for, but I did that.

And about seven I got one, and then I would be the oldest child in my family for two straight weeks with all the dynamics of being an oldest child, and then every other weekend for two days, I went from being the oldest to being the middle child.

That's why I'm so messed up.

Because I had all those experiences.

And so growing up, divorce was a major part of my life from the be from the get-go.

I didn't know any different.

I just knew that my dad had been married before, and I have an older brother and sister from that marriage, and I had to watch my parents co-parent two kids alongside my dad's first wife and her husband, and that was it was tough.

Marriage, divorce, all these dynamics are really difficult.

And whether you're married, singled, have been divorced, I promise you that as Jesus talks and as we listen and as we learn, we not only learn a lot about marriage and how it maybe ought to operate and ought to be, but more importantly, we learn about who God is and what he cares about and what he's like.

Sometimes it's topics like these that really force us to see God for who he actually is.

So I'm always grateful for a chance to do that.

And with all that said, let's jump in.

We'll go back to Matthew 19, 3.

Some Pharisees came and they tried to trap him with this question.

And we'll explain in a minute why this was a trap.

Should a man be allowed to divorce his wife for just any reason?

Before we read any further, just want to take a poll real quick.

Anyone say yay to that?

Should a man be allowed to divorce his wife for just any reason?

No takers?

Any nays in the room?

Any nays?

A lot of people uncommitted, surprised.

Okay.

Here we go.

Haven't you read the scripture?

Jesus replied.

They record that from the beginning God made them male and female.

And he said, This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.

Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.

Well then why did Moses say in the law that a man could give his wife a written notice of divorce and send her away?

They asked.

And Jesus replied, Moses permitted divorce only as a concession to your hard hearts.

But it was not what God originally had intended.

And I tell you this: whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery, unless his wife has been unfaithful.

Jesus' disciples then said to him, if this is the case, it is better not to marry.

Not everyone can accept this statement, Jesus said.

Only those whom God helps.

Some are born as eunuchs, some have been made eunuchs by others, and some choose not to marry for the sake of the kingdom of heaven.

Let everyone accept this, let anyone accept this who can.

Now, I was so tempted this week to just basically do a four-week-long marriage series in one Sunday, but I love you guys, so I didn't do that.

There are gonna be some things we can't get to.

I'm just gonna be honest.

There's some things that we can't get to.

In fact, every week or two we post a podcast in the middle of the week, we call it the midweek podcast.

It's on our YouTube channel, on our podcast apps, and all that.

And sometimes we'll actually devote that to stuff that didn't quite make the message.

We will definitely do that this week.

So if there's anything and you're like, he didn't talk about that, he didn't get to that, like, what's this eunuchs part at the end?

That's really just Jesus saying, some people are born and they can't get married because of physical deformities.

Some people choose not to get married, and his culture it was a very different thing.

Being single is a viable option, is what Jesus is saying here.

We'll get to that later in a in a podcast and we'll cover some other things.

Just know that I can't cover everything in one message, but what I hope to do is show God's heart for marriage and more importantly, his heart for us, because the two are very closely related.

Now, I recognize that Jesus' statements about divorce here are very matter-of-fact.

I actually love that about Jesus.

We live in a world where leaders often dodge questions.

It's actually amazing.

They have a gift for it.

If you ever watch interviews of world leaders, they are they're so gifted at not answering questions.

And we don't even expect them to anymore.

Like someone will ask them a question, they'll say some things, like that wasn't an answer to that question at all.

And then they just move on.

Jesus isn't like that.

He answers questions.

Sometimes he answers questions mysteriously, and very often he answers them very matter-of-factly as he does here.

But we've got to understand some things to fully grasp what he's trying to communicate.

I want to give a couple of caveats, some context, and then we'll get to the core of what Jesus is trying to say.

So, first caveat here.

Jesus uses very strong words about divorce.

Like he says, and he's speaking to men in this situation, whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery.

That's intense.

That's very direct.

And many of us might be like, whoa, Jesus, hold on here.

Let's talk about this for a second.

It's important that you know on the front end that Jesus is not trying to bring shame to people who have had rough marriages and have been through divorces.

That's not what he's doing at all.

Jesus is not rubbing salt in a wound.

God often speaks in very strong terms about marriage and divorce.

For example, in the Old Testament, Malachi chapter 2, God says, I hate divorce.

Malachi 2 · chapter mention

I hate divorce, says the Lord, the God of Israel.

To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty, says the Lord of heaven's armies.

So guard your heart.

Do not be unfaithful to your wife.

That's strong language.

But I think it's important for all of us to understand, because many of us have experienced divorce, been through that.

And in fact, if you have, you probably hate divorce too.

God hates divorce, he doesn't hate people who have been divorced.

Those are very different things.

He hates divorce, he hates destruction, he hates division, but he doesn't hate people who have experienced that, who have gone through that, even if it was their fault.

And for example, we see an incredible encounter that Jesus has in John chapter 4 with a woman who we just know is the woman at the well.

John 4 · chapter mention

So one of my favorite stories about Jesus is probably the story that I've I've referenced the most or close to the most in his entire life.

There's just something about the conversation that Jesus has with a woman at the well in John chapter 4 that shows the heart of Jesus like very few interactions can.

John 4 · chapter mention

And if you know this story, or if you don't, the way it basically goes is Jesus shows up at this well in Samaria, which is not a place that the Jewish people typically wanted to be.

The Samaritans weren't true Jews in the eyes of the Jewish people, and so they typically avoided Samaria.

But Jesus went to Samaria, and not only did he go to Samaria, he starts having a conversation with this woman of ill repute.

She's a woman at a well.

She's at this well in the middle of the day, which is a time no one would go to a well.

It was blisteringly hot.

But she was there because she was an outcast.

That's why she was by herself.

Jesus goes to her and he has this conversation with her, and he reveals to her that he knows her.

And what he says to her is, hey, I know you.

You've been married five times, and you've been divorced five times.

My uncle has been married four times.

That takes that's something.

I don't even know how that happens.

Four is four's a lot, five.

She's been married five times and divorced all five, and now she's living with a man that isn't even her husband.

And Jesus reveals that he knows this about her.

But it's not to bring her shame.

It's actually the exact opposite.

Jesus basically says to her, I know you, I know your whole past, I know your whole history, and then he does this honorable thing to her that he hasn't done with anyone else.

She becomes the very first person that Jesus ever reveals that he's the Messiah to directly.

There's a lot of people who guess that, there's people who discern that, but she's the very first person that Jesus ever looks in the eyes and he says, I am the Messiah.

I'm the one that you've been waiting for.

It didn't matter that she had had five failed marriages and was in apparently a rough relationship.

That didn't matter to Jesus.

He didn't heap on shame.

He wasn't judging her.

In fact, he was lifting her up higher than anyone else ever had.

So we have to understand that God hates divorce because of what divorce does, but he doesn't hate people who get divorced.

And so if you're someone who's been through a divorce, just know that.

That's kind of our first caveat.

Caveat number two.

This is important because we have a tendency, we talked about this a little bit last week with Jesus' teaching on conflict resolution.

If you weren't here, listen to that.

Really interesting conversation about how we should go after people that we have disputes with and try to value unity.

We have a tendency, though, sometimes to read the teachings of Jesus like this in the most restrictive ways possible.

In ways that actually become a huge burden, depending on our situation.

But that's not the heart of Jesus.

We have to remember that.

In fact, one of the biggest criticisms Jesus often had for the religious leaders of his day was that they interpreted all of the laws of God in the most restrictive ways possible.

He used the Sabbath as an example of this often.

The Jewish leaders took the Sabbath, which was supposed to be a day off, a day to rest, a day to worship God, and they interpreted it in such a strict way that they made the Sabbath a burden.

You weren't allowed to do anything on the Sabbath.

If you had an apple tree in your backyard, it's like my classic example to use, and you picked it off, that was a sin because you were harvesting.

That's the way that they had interpreted the laws about the Sabbath.

And Jesus basically shows up and says, Guys, what are you doing?

This is nonsense.

This is silly.

This is not the intended purpose of these laws.

Sometimes we will read teachings that Jesus has on something like this, and he's speaking to divorce, but he's speaking to it in a very specific context, and we're going to get to that in a second.

And we'll interpret it in this incredibly restrictive way that can actually be caused for great harm.

For example, I know people who will say that because Jesus only mentions adultery as grounds for divorce, if you're in a marriage and the other person is physically abusive, you don't have grounds for divorce.

There are people who will interpret it that way, and technically, they're just saying, hey, well, Jesus didn't say abuse.

He only said adultery.

And if you know Jesus, there's just I could be wrong, but I feel confident that there's nothing in the heart of Jesus that would look at a woman who is in a marriage where she's being physically abused, and he would say, sorry.

If he hasn't had an affair, you're stuck.

That's not what he's doing, and we'll talk about that here in just a second.

Divorce is it's a difficult thing, it's an often devastating thing, but as Jesus mentions, God allowed it in the Old Testament as a concession to the hardness of our hearts, meaning that sometimes people's sin is so severe and it's so destructive, and because they have hard hearts, they refuse to change, that divorce is sometimes, sometimes, in severe cases, the only solution.

Unless God does something drastic in the person's heart changes.

And in a weird way, it's it's kind of a form of grace.

That God doesn't just say, hey, you're doomed.

The rest of your life you're in this dangerous situation that you're stuck.

That he allows for that.

He doesn't command anyone to get divorced, but he does make an allowance out of grace.

Now, I say that, and I want you to hear this.

Sometimes in our culture where divorce runs rampant, it's easy to take a statement like that, especially if you're in a struggling marriage, and be tempted to justify your desire maybe to get a divorce, and almost at times exaggerate everything you're going through to a level like, no, I think this counts.

And I'm not saying you're anyone would do that, but some people do.

I'm not saying anyone here would do that, but some people do.

And don't do that, don't go there.

This is meant for severe situations.

But even in those situations where it's allowed and it's permissible and it's understandable, it still breaks God's heart.

Because he loves marriage.

He loves marriage.

So those are the caveats.

Understand that he doesn't hate people who have been divorced, and that even though Jesus only mentions adultery, there are other situations where divorce is justified.

Now let's look at the context and we'll explain this.

Because this is really gonna help us get to the heart of what we're going on.

I need you guys to nerd out with me for a few seconds if you can.

I like to look at history sometimes, and so this we have to kind of shift into a different way of thinking.

We've got to understand the backdrop of what Jesus is talking about here because this conversation is not happening in a vacuum.

It actually says that the Pharisees came to trap Jesus.

They came to trap Jesus with this very specific question: can a man divorce his wife for just any reason?

That's what they asked.

And that's because this was a massive debate in the time of Jesus.

This was right up there with should you pay taxes to the Roman government?

That was a huge debate that sparked all kinds of division.

And this debate about divorce was kind of the debate of the day in the Jewish religious community.

You had two really prominent rabbis that lived as contemporaries of Jesus.

They were alive when Jesus was alive.

One's name was Shemmai, and the other's name was Hillel.

And they had huge followings to the point where a lot of Jewish rabbis would consider themselves of the school of Shemai or of the school of Hillel.

And one of the biggest differences in their teachings was their interpretation of the laws about divorce.

This all goes back to Deuteronomy chapter 24.

Deuteronomy 24 · chapter mention

Verses 1 and 2 says, Suppose a man marries a woman, but she does not please him.

Having discovered something wrong with her, he writes a document of divorce, hands it to her, and sends her away from his house.

And when she leaves his house, she's free to marry another man.

Now, Rabbi Shemmai interpreted this in the most conservative way possible, that when it's talking about something displeasing, something that isn't right, it's talking about something really severe.

So maybe she's been having a long-term affair, or she's a serial killer.

I don't know what else could qualify, right?

But it's something really serious.

And understand, we're gonna get to this in a second, that the reason it's always talking to men is because men were the only ones who could initiate a divorce in their culture.

So that's the way Shemai interpreted this.

Hey, it's talking about really serious moral issues.

And in those situations, Moses permitted divorce.

He didn't command it, but he said, hey, if there's no other option, and it's something like that, it's permissible.

Rabbi Hillel had a different take.

He was like, you know what?

It says he finds something that doesn't please him.

Suppose a man marries a woman but she doesn't please him, he discovered something wrong with her.

What could that something be?

And Hillel took the most liberal view possible of this teaching and basically said it can be anything.

It could be anything.

Like, I'm not exaggerating, there are writings about this.

If she put too much salt in his food, that's grounds for divorce.

If he didn't like the way that she engaged in arguments, that would be grounds for divorce.

In our culture, he might say if he didn't like the shows that she binged.

Like, that's grounds for divorce.

So if you're a man and you don't like British baking show, at least not 19 seasons of it, okay?

Grounds for divorce.

That's what essentially he's saying.

And people grabbed a hold of this and took it even further.

There was another rabbi that came after Hillel, and it got to the point where this was actually part of the way they interpreted this.

If a man simply sees another woman that he finds more attractive, that's grounds for divorce.

Now, you've got Shemai with the conservative view that no, Moses is only talking about very specific and very severe moral issues.

And you've got Hallel going, kind of really anything, which one do you think people gravitated to?

So divorce was happening on a massive level, on a massive level in Jesus' day.

To the point where we actually have writings where women would say that it would it was better not to be married.

Like better not to get married.

Because if divorce is that rampant, if a man can just divorce you and then you're left in that situation, why even get married?

It was a major crisis.

And so when they come to Jesus, they're trying to trap him because they're giving him this hot button issue.

We have issues like that in our day as well.

And they're trying to see where Jesus lands, hoping that they can use something that he says to accuse them, and Jesus is direct.

Oh my goodness.

He's direct.

And he's speaking specifically to the prevailing school of thought at the time was the Rabbi Hillel interpretation of this that, yeah, men, get divorced.

Get divorced for any reason.

Go find another wife.

And the devastation that that was causing in the lives of families and the lives of women, Jesus 100% just speaks to that.

And he says, I'll tell you what, I'll add to that.

If you do that, you're committing adultery.

If you just see some other woman that you like more and you leave your wife, divorce her, you're committing adultery.

And the disciples are even like, whoa, Jesus, that's a little strong.

But I've seen that play out.

One of the interesting things about my role is that I very often have conversations with people in really, really heavy situations.

And sometimes, pretty often, that'll be men who have met with me and talked with me about marriage struggles and thinking about divorce and what's my take on it.

I've had some situations that, I'm being honest, like what was laid out in front of me, I go, man, I pray about it.

This is between you and God.

I I wouldn't fault you for either decision in this situation.

There have been some really hard situations that I've had to kind of counsel guys through.

But very often, the vast majority of the time, I mean, like, I'm talking 98 point something percent of the time, I'm like, you just need to stay married.

You need to work it out.

And I I usually have this same first question when a guy's talking with me about something like this, and it's always like, is there another woman?

And a lot of the times in those meetings, there'll be a guy who will say, like, no, well, there's a girl that I'm like, aha.

Right?

No, there's well, there's a girl that, I mean, we kind of talk, and it's like, yeah, stop that.

Stop.

She's not your wife, quit it, and stay married to your wife.

Work it out.

One time I had a guy who met with me, and he said, I'm I'm gonna probably divorce my wife.

And he said, Because if I don't divorce my wife, I'm gonna have an affair with this other woman.

So I'm gonna divorce my wife, and then I'm gonna marry her, and then I'm not having an affair.

And I was like, that is stupid.

That is legitimately stupid.

But that's exactly what Jesus is talking to here, was that type of situation where that's what men were doing.

They were like mental gymnastics trying to be so smart that they were stupid, and going, well, no, I mean, if if I if I if I divorce my wife and then I go with this other lady, it's not a it's not an affair.

And Jesus is like, oh yeah, it is.

It is.

Because you were completely and totally breaking the entire spirit and heart of marriage.

So the context we have to understand for Jesus, this isn't in a vacuum.

He's specifically addressing the prevailing school of thought in his day, which was that men who had the authority to divorce, women could not do that.

All a woman could do would be like beg her husband to divorce her.

But a woman was not allowed in Jewish culture to initiate a divorce.

He's telling these guys, you can't do this.

What you're doing is wrong.

The way you're interpreting God's heart is completely wrong.

You've missed the boat, you need to be faithful to your wives, you need to stay married, you need to work out your stuff.

And this brings us to the core.

Jesus says that even the allowances for divorce, even in those certain situations, and he mentions one, adultery.

I actually know many marriages who that's that's happened, and there's still been reconciliation in the marriage, that is very possible.

But sometimes it's not.

And even in those situations, it breaks God's heart.

It breaks his heart because Jesus says, this is never what God intended.

It is never what God intended.

His original purpose for us was to live life in relationship.

There are times where being single is absolutely viable.

Jesus addresses that.

Paul talks about that too.

But marriage is so close to God's heart.

He loves it.

God loves marriage.

He invented it.

He created it.

I was actually at a wedding last night, and it was awesome.

It was a great wedding.

And I'm doing my my wedding spiel.

And I kind of do the same thing for most weddings.

I don't reinvent the wheel every time.

But, you know, a little different, depending on the situation, how well I know the couple, and things like that.

But one of my favorite things to talk about.

Because I just think it's amazing.

It's the story of creation.

Like, think about the story of creation.

God makes the world, he makes everything in it, and what does he say that the world is?

Someone yell it out.

He says it's what?

It's good, right?

Genesis 1.

God makes this, he says it is good, he makes this, he says it's good on the last day.

He looks at everything he's made, he says it's very good.

So the way the story typically goes is that God made the world and it was good.

And then what happened?

What messed it up?

Us.

Right?

Come on.

You guys know this story.

I'm not trying to trick you, I promise.

These aren't tricky questions.

They're so simple, they seem that way, right?

That's the way the story typically goes is that God, He made the world and it's all good.

Everything's good, and then we come along, it's not so good anymore.

But there is actually one moment before we ever sinned where God looks at something and says it isn't good.

He looks at the earth and he says, something's not quite right.

He says, It's not good that man is alone.

So he creates woman, he creates marriage, and the two become one.

And this becomes the foundation for human civilization.

Through marriage.

He loves marriage.

He created it.

And it wasn't a crutch that we needed after sin entered the world and everything got all messed up.

And I guess we need some partners now because we're not very strong on our own.

This was before the fall.

Before the fall, God said, It's not good for man to be alone.

He created marriage.

He loves marriage.

We're actually told in scripture that we were created to reflect God.

God said, Let us make man in our image to be like us.

And that's a crazy thought when you think about it.

We're supposed to be like God.

How in the world can we be like God?

1 John 4.8 says that whoever does not love does not know God, for God is love.

So maybe it's when we learn to love like God that we actually look like God.

Maybe that's when we resemble Him the most.

And is there a relationship that teaches you to, or maybe I should say forces you to love more than marriage?

Like you thought, though, quick show of hands, how many of you are married?

Just I'd love to see it.

Like, how many of us are married?

Okay.

Ha ha.

Like you, you better learn to love like God.

You better.

You have to.

I didn't know that I snored until I got married.

And apparently, ladies, any of you have husbands that snore?

Is it bad?

Like it's pretty bad?

Yeah.

I was oblivious to that.

Megan didn't know what she was signing up for.

She didn't realize that by marrying me, she was signing off to terrible sleep for the rest of her life.

You better learn to love like God to deal with that.

I didn't know when I got married that I got a bedtime again.

I didn't know that.

Like that was a huge surprise to me.

That was like, I got married, I'd lived in a college dorm for three years before I got married.

That was my training ground for cohabitating with a woman.

A college dorm.

And not only a college dorm, freshman dorm.

I was in the freshman dorm for three years.

Not because I was a freshman for three years, but not exactly the right training grounds.

And so I was used to staying up late, going to bed whenever I wanted.

I remember a little first week of marriage.

Megan's like, let's go to bed.

And I was like, I'm good.

And she's like, no, no, come on.

And I was like, no, I'm gonna stay up a little bit.

She's like, no, no, come to bed with me.

Do I have to?

Like that was the felt like, is this I gotta, she's like, yeah, you come.

I was like, oh, oh, okay.

I'm on Xbox with my friends from college.

I gotta go, guys.

I'm married now.

Like, that's how I went.

I didn't know that.

Like, you better love like God if you're gonna have to give up all that freedom.

Marriage is tough.

And it teaches us you have to learn how to love like God.

You have to learn grace and forgiveness and mercy and patience and trust.

You have to learn those things to have a successful marriage, and that's what we're intended to be like.

God created us to look like him.

You cannot look like God if you don't love like God.

Can't do it.

But marriage will teach you how to love like him.

It is so close to his heart, and that's what Jesus is trying to get at ultimately.

That he loves marriage.

It's interesting, there's a Hebrew word for engagement.

I'm gonna put this up on the screen because there's two words that are closely related.

Okay, so the first word is the word kadosh.

Okay, you guys may not have it on the screen.

I got it here, though.

It's okay.

Kadosh.

And there it's a word that means holy.

Oh, there we go.

And this word after, kadushin, um, sorry, deep cut.

I grew up as a kid who played video games, and I played Street Fighter 2, and every time I read this word, if you played that game as a kid, you know what I'm talking about.

That's just what it sounds like to me.

So, kadushin.

All right, uh, got that out of my system.

All right, so kadosh means holy.

Kadushin means engagement.

It's like what a Jewish engagement ceremony is, and they're from the same root.

The word in the Jewish language, in the Hebrew language for engagement, is an act of holiness.

Marriage is sacred to God.

And here's what that means.

Those of you who are married, it means that he cares deeply about your marriage.

He cares deeply about your marriage.

I go back to that first year, and it's kind of funny in some ways, looking at how hard that first year was, and I can tell lots of jokes about it.

Like we lived in a studio apartment.

It didn't have any rooms, it was just a big dorm room, but I'd lived in a dorm for three years.

It was fine by me.

And the only place that Megan could go to get away from me when we were fighting was the bathroom, and it didn't even have a lock on the door.

So she would go in the bathroom and then open the drawer closest to the door so that if I tried to open it, I couldn't open it.

Like that's a thing that we did.

The biggest fight we had in the first year of first month or two, I guess, of our marriage was over a plunger.

Over a plunger.

And it was a massive fight.

I'd bought a plunger, she didn't like the way that it looked.

She told me it was ugly, I said it's a plunger.

It's not a centerpiece for our dining room table, it's a plunger.

Hopefully, no one ever sees this but us.

And then, weeks later, we had an overflowing toilet situation, and I was like, Get me the plunger.

She said, I threw it away.

And I was like, What are you talking about?

I said, What are you talking about?

And she told me that she threw it away.

And then she actually said, Actually, I got pretty mad.

You threw it away, she said, because I put it in the trash, but you take the trash out.

So you threw it away.

And this is like in the middle of the night, overflowing toilet.

I drove to Walmart and I bought the exact same plunger on purpose.

Set it down.

Like we fought all the time, and some of it was funny like that.

And some of it, some of it was just so, on my end, petty.

I had all kinds of unhealthy expectations, and I put those on Megan, and she felt pressure that she should never have felt.

I was not a good husband.

I did a lot of damage, broke a lot of trust.

I had addictions that I brought into my marriage that I thought marriage would solve.

You know, I'm married, have everything that I need, and it didn't work.

I was clueless.

It was hard.

And when we had that conversation about getting divorced one year into marriage, it was a serious conversation.

And we thought about certain angles, like her parents and my parents, and that would be painful to talk to them.

You know, they'd just they just paid for a wedding a year before.

But that's not why we decided to stay.

We prayed about it.

And what we determined and felt strongly was that even if we did not see a way forward, we believed that we had made a commitment to God in front of Him, and that it was a sacred commitment, for better or worse, and that it was God's will for us to stay married.

And I'm not trying to be sappy, but I think about my kids.

I love every single one of them so much.

More than I'm, I wish I was better at expressing how much I love them.

I wouldn't have my kids if we had decided to throw in the towel.

My life would be totally different.

God is for your marriage.

He loves marriage.

It is so close to his heart.

And so if you're married, and this is not just for married couples, I know it obviously applies greatly to you, but if you're married, I want to I just want you to hear this.

Fight for your marriage.

Fight for it.

Don't let anything, anything divide you.

Now, obviously, as we've talked, there are situations, and if you're in a really serious situation, don't let legalism or fear keep you in a dangerous place.

If you're in a dangerous situation, you need help, come talk to us, talk to someone at the church, we will help you.

But those of you who are married, and even if there's struggles and situations and trials and hardships and frustration and history and baggage and all that stuff, I'm telling you, God can, with you partnering together, God can deal with all of it.

He can bring you out of all of it.

Fight for your marriage.

It is worth it.

Like, hold on.

Get help, get counseling if you need to.

Find people here at the church that can come around you and help.

But fight for your marriage because your marriage, it matters.

Your marriage matters.

It matters to you, it matters to those around you, but it matters deeply to God.

He is for your marriage.

So fight for it.

Cherish it.

Work on it.

Enjoy it.

Give it time and priority and do anything you can do to strengthen it.

God loves marriage.

He hates divorce because he loves marriage.

As we wrap up, I want to reflect on a few things.

The core of what Jesus is saying here is that we very often, in our in our stuff, we very often lose sight of what matters most to God.

And it makes sense.

In fact, I once heard a guy give an incredible talk about the main questions that people are trying to solve, the main questions people are trying to answer in their lives.

And he said that the main question most people are trying to answer is just, how do I make the pain stop?

And when you're in a marriage and it's not going well, it is painful.

Like it's it's tough.

And so a lot of times we're in those situations, we're just asking, how do I make the pain stop?

But that's not the ultimate question that we ought to be asking.

He went on to say that the next question was, what do I want?

And the next question is, what would I do if I actually got what I wanted?

And then it's what am I capable of?

And finally, it's what are we capable of?

What are we living in relationship with one another and partnered with God capable of in life?

So if your marriage is in a tough spot, instead of just thinking about how to make the pain stop, go further than that.

God, like, what can this marriage be?

What would it be like if we actually solved these issues and got healthy?

What would it be like if we were able to forgive each other for all the things that we've messed up in?

What could it be like?

He loves it so much.

Because it reflects him.

Matthew chapter 9, verse 14, says, one day the disciples of John the Baptist came to Jesus and asked him, Why don't your disciples fast like we do and the Pharisees do?

Matthew 9:14

And Jesus replied, Do wedding guests mourn while celebrating with the groom?

Of course not.

But someday the groom will be taken away from them, and then they will mourn and fast.

Jesus compares himself to a groom in the church, his disciples at the time, to a bride.

This is an illustration we actually see often in scripture in Revelation chapter 21.

Revelation 21 · chapter mention

John wrote, Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the old heaven and the old earth had disappeared, and the sea was also gone, and I saw the holy city, the new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven like a bride beautifully dressed for her husband.

There is a constant theme in scripture of God as like a groom and the church, his people as a bride, that we're intended for each other, that God wants to live in an intimate relationship with all of us.

Marriage is sort of an outflow of that.

It's one of God's models for that on the earth, and it matters greatly to him.

Now, again, if you've been divorced, it's okay.

It's okay.

Life goes on.

And I say it's okay.

It's probably hard, and there might be dynamics you have to deal with because of that.

I grew up in that.

I wouldn't even exist if divorce wasn't a thing.

I wouldn't be alive.

I'm glad that I'm alive.

But it's okay.

So today's not about digging up the past and rubbing salt in a wound.

Be grateful that there's more.

Just like the woman at the well, God gets over our stuff pretty fast.

We often dwell on it much longer than he does.

If you're married, fight for it.

Cherish it, enjoy it, prioritize it.

Don't let the enemy let any little thing rise up to the level of division.

Right?

Delight in one another.

Like delight in each other.

Find time to do anything you can to love that other person more.

And if you're single, understand, and actually, worship team, you can come out.

Understand that even though marriage may not be part of your day-to-day life right now, it might be sooner than you think.

You never know.

Everyone who is married was once single.

It tends to happen that way.

But even if you're single and you're like, yeah, I'm single, I've been married, been there, done that, and not ever doing that again.

If you're single, here's what I would ask you to do in relation to what Jesus is talking about here is pray for your married friends.

Like pray for them.

If you have friends who are married and they're going through hard things, never say something like, You ought to, you know what you ought to do?

You ought to leave.

Don't do that.

Pray for them, support them, lift them up.

Look for every way you can to encourage them.

Because marriage is hard and people need help.

So even if this isn't part of your regular life, kids, high school students in the room, like you're not married.

I know of no high school students at our church that are married, which is a good thing.

Um, pray for your parents.

If they're married, pray for their marriage.

And that sounds like a weird thing to do.

I don't know many high school kids who pray for their parents' marriage, but pray for them.

Ask God to bless them.

Ask God to help them.

And like clean your rooms, help them out, do something.

I don't know.

I think my son's in the room this morning.

That was maybe for him.

Just help me out, man.

Please.

Okay?

But pray for pray for your parents' marriage.

I never did that.

I never did that growing up.

My parents would fight and have issues and all kinds of things like parents do.

It never even occurred to me to lift them up.

But God will He'll hear your prayers.

Your prayers matter to God.

And so if you're in that family, pray for your parents.

Pray that God strengthens their marriage.

It's so close to the heart of God.

And that's the core of what Jesus was getting at is yes, divorce is a reality that sometimes needs to exist because of sin and the hardness of our hearts, but marriage matters deeply to God because God invented it, he created it, and it reflects who He is.

And so we should value that and recognize as we take Lord's Supper, in fact, I'm gonna stop talking.

Can I stop talking?

Is that okay?

Let's move on.

All right.

Sometimes it just needs to end.

Let's take Lord's Supper because this actually connects.

I love the fact that every Sunday we take this, and I'm always blown away that it never gets old, at least it doesn't to me, and maybe it does to you.

But it never gets old.

A, because what it represents, right?

Jesus died for us, he gave his life for us.

This is why we have a relationship with God because of what Jesus did.

But what blows me away is how often this connects to exactly what we're talking about.

Right?

If I'm the bride and Jesus is the groom, if we as the church are the bride and he's the groom, well, this is like this is like the dowry.

It's a weird thought.

But in Jesus' day, if you wanted to marry a bride, that came with a price.

It did.

In fact, if men in Jesus' day divorced their wives, they had to repay the dowry that they got from the father of the bride.

They had to pay that dad back.

But every marriage in Jesus' day came with a price.

Like if you wanted to marry a bride, you had to go to that father and you had to pay a price.

And the more you cared about the bride, the more you had to pay.

And so here we are, and we are called as the church the bride of Christ.

Such an interesting thought.

And in order to have us as a bride, to bring us into the family of God, Jesus had to pay a price.

And no one has ever paid a greater price.

At the end of the day, the only way you know how valuable something is is really how much someone is worth, is willing to pay for it, right?

That's the only real way to know something's value.

And so Jesus looked at us and he said, as my bride, I know guys, that can be a weird analogy, but just roll with it.

As my bride, this is what I'm willing to give.

This is what I'm willing to pay.

I'll give my life, I'll shed my blood, and I will pay off your entire debt of sin.

And that'll all be done, and you can have a perfect relationship with your groom, so to speak.

We have a perfectly restored relationship with God the Father because of what Jesus did for us.

And we celebrated every week with this.

And this was the payment, this was the dowry that Jesus was willing to pay for us.

That hit me this week as I was studying and researching all the Jewish marriage rituals and just realizing, man, I Jesus paid a premium.

That's how much he loves us.

That's a beautiful thing.

And so with that in mind, let's do this.

Let's take the bread.

We're going to thank him for it.

Jesus, thank you for this piece of bread, and thank you more than that, Lord, for what it means.

This is your body.

Broken, given up as a sacrifice on the cross, nailed to a tree.

You didn't have to do this.

You weren't forced to do this.

In fact, in the book of Ephesians, it tells us clearly that this is what you wanted to do, that you were actually filled with joy at the thought of giving everything to bring us into a restored relationship with God the Father.

So thank you, Jesus, for this.

We take this bread, we receive this, and we're grateful.

Let's pray for the juice.

Father, we thank you for this cup of juice, for what it represents.

This is your blood spilled.

This is a payment that you made to cleanse us, to wipe away every sin, every shred of guilt and shame that we carry.

And Father, I do pray that if there's anyone here today, and through what we've talked about, Father, through just this topic and how loaded it is with our past, I pray that if anyone here is carrying shame or guilt in any way, that you would free them of that completely.

That as we drink this, we would remember that we don't have any shame or guilt to carry, that you've wiped it away, that your sacrifice on the cross covers it all, and it is finished and it is done.

Let's take this.

Well, guys.