Parenting Foundations - Week 2 - 9/16/26

Alright, I'm gonna interrupt your vacation memory stories.

Did uh anybody have a cool place that they have been to?

Somebody just said our funeral, so that's a weird vacation.

Vacationing a funeral.

Alright, what do we got?

Yeah, you gotta say it out loud.

You don't have to stand up, just shout it.

That's cool.

That is cool.

So we got visiting funerals, charger stadium.

Anything else fun?

You need to talk to Dylan, our youth director.

He he would talk to you for five hours straight about cruises.

Yeah, I think he moonlights as a like vacation.

What do you call those folks that book vacations for people?

A cruise travel agent.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, so if any of you guys are looking on for a vacation, apparently talk to Dylan.

Hey, I do want to say something real quick before we get started because we want to devote enough time and there's there's a pretty depth of questions on the stuff printed out.

We are going to email tomorrow everybody that's registered through the group uh different resource links.

So we're we're giving those every single week.

This week uh we are talking parents and emotions.

Oh my, what do we do?

And uh there are a few resources there that are some really neat articles as to how to manage your own and help your kids manage theirs.

And then there will also be a resource, it may even have been printed out, uh called the Calm Parenting Podcast.

Um, and so there's multiple things that we'll talk about as we go through.

But before we dive in, um I usually wouldn't do something like this, but I'm gonna anyway, thank you, Adam.

Um he's not leaving, he's shutting those doors.

In case you're like, man, you just thanked him for leaving.

No.

I love Adam.

He could hear the youth group doing what the youth group is doing, so that's why he's doing that.

Um it is Robin's birthday today.

So Daniel's gonna sing happy birthday for everybody.

Is it your birthday as well?

We got two birthdays on the same look at the map.

Birthday twins.

Look at y'all.

Well, happy birthday to everybody.

That's fun.

All right, hey, Aaron.

All right, see ya, Aaron.

Aaron just walked in and out too.

We love you.

Figured you'd love to be embarrassed like that.

Jesse, oh my gosh, man.

If we want to talk about peer, did you get peer pressured from a distance to leave?

It's the dad band.

Oh, they're gonna go help lead worship for kids' ministry, and then they'll be back.

That's funny.

The dad band.

That's what that's what we call them.

That's great.

All right, well then uh I'm gonna pray and then we'll we'll dive into this thing.

God, thank you again for another day.

Thank you for the time we get together.

I pray that it's helpful, uh, that we learn together uh as we journey through this adventure called parenting.

It's in your name we pray.

Amen.

Uh, I was told this week too, just by way of refresher, not only are we going to send out resources and then and then you have those links and everything, but also all of the uh sessions that we do, we record the audio and it uh gets put on our podcast page.

So if you go to Spotify or Apple Music or anywhere you get podcasts and you just type in Sunrise Church Messages, uh all of the Parenting Foundations sessions will be in there too.

So anytime you want to go back and listen to those, any of the messages for the whole year are back on those too.

But specifically with parenting foundations, uh that way if you even want to share that with somebody who couldn't be here or whatnot, hey, get caught up, that sort of thing.

So those are on there as well.

Shout out to the folks who make that make that happen.

So here's what we're gonna do.

Uh, we have got a few guiding scriptures and then some like heavy stuff with helping our kids deal with their emotions.

Emotions come in all shapes and sizes.

Last week we talked, all right, if we want to, if we want to embrace, pursue godly parenting, it starts with us.

We gotta be godly parents.

And you're gonna see a theme here when it comes to helping our kids navigate their emotions.

It's gonna require us making sure we're navigating our own emotions and bringing those to God.

So there's a few anchor scriptures uh for you, and you're welcome to write them down.

They are Psalm 34, 17 through 18.

We won't read these out, but just in case you want to write these down for your notes as you go through later, Psalm 34, 17 through 18, and then also Proverbs 12-25.

Proverbs 12-25.

So I'm getting those out there for you so we can do this conversationally.

We want it to be just like that because our kids experience emotions and it's scary, and helping them navigate their emotions at all ages and stages is a journey that, in our experience, again, not as perfect parents and not as finished parents, we're right in the thick of it too.

We got teenagers, and uh their two-year-old emotions were different than their five-year-old emotions, which were different than their eight-year-old emotions, which were different than their preteen emotions.

God bless us, which are different than their teenage emotions.

Um, it is fun.

Is fun the right word?

What's the right word, Robin?

Fun?

Sure.

Yeah, all right.

It's an adventure.

It is, it is an adventure, and we we uh we learned some stuff, and Robin, cards on the table, and you can speak to this, of course.

Um, Robin's done a better job of this than I have.

I am uh pretty even keel type of person.

Uh when I'm angry, I look like this, which is the same.

Uh which you guys tell me I don't look friendly.

I'm not great at this.

Uh haven't been.

Because I have a partner who has helped me see that I struggled with this a lot when our kids were younger.

Like, why can't they just not be ridiculous?

Like, why can't you not freak out about this?

Why can't you not just get angry about this?

Why are you kicking the couch?

Why are you like you just my goodness gracious?

And then as they've gotten older, you know, you you try to just like we have a teenage daughter, and that is way outside of my comfort zone, and I don't understand much about any of that, and have had those conversations.

And I want us to talk about a few things that a lot of us do, but we were talking last week when we were going through all this, and you at times had to help navigate my emotions as I was trying to navigate everybody else's emotions, and you used to say something to me that really ticked me off.

Uh, and for a while I would just get offended by it or upset by it, and you would tell me, as I would look at everybody in our family, why are you guys acting like this?

Why can't you pull this together?

Like, why are you behaving?

And you would tell me, Scott, you're causing it by your reactions.

And I learned when it comes to our kids' emotions, we're the thermostat.

We're not the thermometer.

The family dynamic is the thermometer, and it will tell you the temperature.

You set the thermostat, and you used to say that to me, and I used to get so frustrated and offended by that, but you had the wherewithal.

How did you see that?

Like, how did you have the wisdom to navigate that?

Because I still don't really know how you did that, but it worked.

Well, oftentimes you can see you can read the room sometimes.

And we we don't always have that gift, but I think if we go back to the what do I do when my kids seem overwhelmed?

And I think if we go back to that question, um at various stages of our child's life, what seems small to us is really big to them.

It's really big to them.

And our emotions, we can understand our emotions, but they don't understand their emotions yet.

And sometimes we still don't understand ours either.

So when they're sitting and feeling something very big, we feel the weight of the emotions that we're feeling of what we understand to be big.

So for instance, if we're feeling the weight of we don't have enough money to pay our bills right now, that's huge.

And we're feeling the depth of that, that is so big.

So when they come to us and whatever it is that they're feeling in that moment is so big that nobody likes me.

And it's not true, right?

It's not true.

They have friends that like them, but they're feeling the weight of that, or my toy is broken, or my TV shoe, I can't watch TV right now, or whatever it is.

And you're looking at them and you're going, Are you serious?

That's it.

That's it.

That is not that big of a deal.

Don't you understand we don't have enough money to pay the bills?

You know, like right, but to them, that is so that's that's their I don't have enough money to pay the bills.

That's their emotion.

And so sometimes when in our response we have learned that when we're getting frustrated that they're frustrated at something that is not that big of a deal, and then our frustration is now setting that temperature, right?

So that's when I said, Oh, wait a second, our response to this situation is so big, we're actually the ones setting that tone.

And so I think am I answering that question?

Yeah.

Now it's like all of a sudden going, wait, wait a second, what what is actually happening in the room right now?

I'm reading the room and I'm realizing our response to them going, my toy is broken.

What do you mean?

We don't have enough money to pay the bills.

Okay, wait a second.

We're the ones setting the tone now to this whole situation.

Oh, I'm so sorry your toy is broken.

That is sad for you right now.

I'm so sorry.

Let's talk about that.

How's that making you feel?

I'm here for you.

Sometimes ultimately we're just wanting to be seen and heard, right?

Like we want somebody to be able to talk to or somebody to listen to us, and that's what they're wanting from us in that moment.

They're not wanting us to respond so big.

It's not about us in that moment, it's about them in that moment.

I think that's a hard thing because we bring emotions to every situation as parents, and our kids are going to have emotional reactions to things.

And sometimes as a parent, you gotta leave yours back here because you'll bring yours to it.

Because we would do that.

Like I remember, especially like Silas, our son, when he was really little, if a toy would break, he would feel like the manufacturer did a poor job and it should have been done better.

And I mean, he's like four, and he's so mad.

And I remember like I would look at him, and Robin would Robin, I would look at him and be like, dude, it's all gonna burn anyway, man.

Stuff is dumb.

Having too much stuff is dumb.

And I'm looking at him like, come on, man, life's tough.

Get a helmet.

Like, you can't take it with you.

And I'm thinking, yeah, he needs to learn this.

And Robin's looking at me like, he just figured out how to go to the bathroom on his own a year ago.

You're telling him, you're telling him about manufacturers being cheap because they're greedy and the economy, and you're just telling him stuff is done.

She's like, he cannot handle what you're you're bringing your emotions and your issues to his issues.

Like, that's what we would do.

And I did not understand.

I would look at her and be like, no, he needs to learn this.

And she's like, you're right, he needs to learn this in about 10 to 12 years.

Not when he's four.

Like, yeah, you still had to cut his food for him, Scott.

Like it was one of those.

And we did we did have that.

And I what we realized too is because everybody brings emotions to every situation, as parents, I think we do three things, and I'll admit what I did, and what I did was not good.

It was not wise.

And uh praise God, we've grown through that.

And again, as Robin was gracious to point some things out to me over time, I think most people do three things when their kids bring emotions to them.

And your kids are gonna bring emotions of all shapes and sizes really excited stuff, really sad stuff, and at different ages too.

Um, because we're walking around with hours, and if your teenager or your preteen has had a really tough day and had some really hard friends stuff and they are feeling it, but they have no idea what you're carrying with you, that maybe you've got family stuff and you've got personal stuff, you've got personal health stuff, you've got stuff at work, and they come to you and you just don't feel like you have anything to give it.

And so you you end up failing them in that moment to meet them where they are, and instead you're just carrying your junk, and it's just starting to spill out.

And so what ends up happening is most of the time, depending on the age and stage and the type of emotion shown, I think parents do uh one of three things.

I used to do all three of these things, never the wise thing, and there is a wise thing.

The first thing is to just simply dismiss them.

And we talk, like we talk, like I maybe you do that.

Sometimes your kid comes to you at whatever age, and I'm going through this, and you're just thinking, it's not that big of a deal, you'll get over it.

And really, you you miss the fact that they're coming to you with a thing, and you want them to come to you with things.

But because it's so frustrating, or you're bringing stuff that you're just kind of like, you'll be fine.

And it again to Robin's point, right?

Like it's not big to you, but it's big to them.

You either dismiss them or you match their emotional temperature.

So if your kid comes and they are angry about something, and then you naturally are just like, Well, you need to not be angry about this.

Why are you angry about this?

And you're realizing you're angry about them being angry.

And so you end up matching their emotion.

Or I'll tell you what I've done, when they were afraid because maybe they did something, like when they were little, if they would like run out into the street, you know, or that sort of thing, your fear will manifest itself as anger.

And so sometimes you're not calm as a parent, and you're matching their emotion of fear with your emotion of fear, and then all that does is make them even more afraid.

And so you either dismiss it, you match their emotions, or this is what I used to do, and this is one that I think that a lot of people, and you challenged me on this, you punish their emotions because you think, well, you don't know what you're talking about when you're dealing with this, and their emotional outburst may be anger or what looks like disrespect or maybe some form of like obstinence, or you're you're thinking, because they're what they're doing, depending on the age and stage that they're in, they're trying to communicate with you, and they don't know how.

And so it comes out emotionally.

And what I used to do, and I especially I did this with both of our kids for years, I didn't understand that they were trying to communicate with us.

So all I saw was the emotional outbursts as disobedience, them not listening, or disrespect, or their not getting it.

So I punished the emotions.

Like they would get consequences, and this this created legit friction, especially between our son and myself.

There was just tension all the time.

And I was like, I don't understand.

Why is he doing this?

And why is and you would come to me and you would just say, you're not listening to him, you're reacting to him.

And Robin taught me this.

We either dismiss their emotions, we match their emotions, or we punish their emotions.

And Robin taught me, instead, we need to learn them.

When your kid has an emotional response, it's an opportunity to learn.

What are they trying to communicate?

And you caught on to that, and I don't know how you caught on to that.

Still, I don't know.

It seemed intuitive to you, and I don't know if it was background or what, but we had to have some tough conversations, and you I don't want to say put me in my place, but you educated me for sure.

Like for for real, educated me.

I don't what was that?

I don't know how you got there.

You Jedi mind tricked me, sort of, so I don't really know.

But it worked.

Well, I think it's one of those, like, it's you you hear the sometimes it's not what you say, it's how you say it.

So you can say something, it's it's also the tone, it's um okay, what is being said, and there can still be consequences for what you do, right?

So um, but if your child is still um they're communicating, they are still communicating through their actions and through their words.

So if you look at the behavior and what it is that they're doing and what it is that they're trying to communicate, what is it that they're saying?

What are they trying to tell you?

And so um the number one thing that you can do is ask the questions.

Ask why did you do that?

What were you thinking?

What's going on right now?

Are you hungry?

Are you upset?

Are you tired?

Did I not com Did I not communicate clearly?

Maybe I didn't instruct you clearly.

Maybe I'm assuming that you were supposed to be doing something based off of an instruction that I gave, and maybe I actually didn't communicate it clearly to you.

And I'm now punishing you for not doing something I thought you should be doing, but I actually didn't instruct you properly.

That's on me.

I'm sorry.

And there's been a number of I think you used to tell me that's on you, that's how that conversation works.

Or or that's on me.

And so sometimes that has happened.

And if we've immediately jumped to, nope, all right, you've lost the switch, or you've lost television, or and we or there's a consequence, we've missed out on an opportunity to sit down and actually have time of communication with our child.

And then they have learned, oh, I'm in trouble, or well, for us it was to not be able to communicate.

I don't want to talk to dad, I want to talk to mom.

And that started to happen.

That that started to happen, and it bothered me a lot.

Because here's the truth nobody really knows this.

She's gonna get really mad for me saying this.

Robin is scarier than me.

Robin's a very strong leader and she's very confident and bold.

I look mean, but I'm really happy and nice.

But it's it's funny because I would think that I'd be like, no, what?

What are you talking about?

And I make that joke because everybody likes Robin more than me, so I try to be like, no, she's the scary one.

It's really that's not true.

But our kids started saying, like, I would ask them, hey, what's going on?

Because you could tell, right?

Like you could tell something's going on.

And here's what happened.

Because I would dismiss, or I would match theirs, or I started punishing the emotions, they stopped bringing their emotions to me.

So when I would ask them, hey, what's going on?

And they'd be like, nothing.

And I'm like, I know something's going on.

I don't want to talk to you.

Okay, well, who do you want to talk to?

I'd rather talk to mom about it.

And at first it was kind of like, okay, well, it's because it's mom.

And then they both started doing it.

And I'm like, well, at least one of y'all got to pick me.

Like, what's what's going on?

And I and I I I just I went to you and I'm like, hey, why do they wanna, why do they keep coming to you?

And you were like, because you don't listen to them.

She was just flat out.

She was like, you don't listen to them.

They bring their emotions to you and you make assumptions of them and you punish their emotions.

And they don't feel, and this is what hurt, they don't feel safe to come to you with their emotions.

Now, as a dad, that was crippling to hear.

Because I I take protection and provision seriously.

And you had to love me enough to say that.

And then I had to go back to our kids and be like, do you guys not feel safe to talk to me about stuff?

Yeah, just mom is like not, she's just, and they don't know how to communicate.

They're like, she's just nicer about stuff.

Like she listens.

And you had to sesame street me.

You legitimately are like, Scott, here's what you do.

Why are you feeling this way?

What happened to do this?

And I'm looking at her like, are you talking to me like I'm an idiot right now?

But I I it it needed to be done.

It was like, it was, you know what I mean?

Like sometimes it's so obvious in your face.

You're like, wait, this doesn't feel like it's like black belt level stuff.

No, it's not.

It's Sesame Street level stuff.

Otherwise, you're gonna drive a wedge in a distance.

And that's what I did.

I did that.

And they started going to you for everything.

And you had to Sesame Street me.

All right.

Is counseling the right call for us?

Yeah, let's go there.

Um I we talked about this last week, you and I did.

I'm a huge fan of counseling.

Huge fan.

Um people, I think, sometimes feel ashamed that there might be a label of we had to go outside and ask for help.

We had to go to counseling, and that it might be uh a difficult conversation.

Um just the the label of it.

But yet if your child fell down and broke their arm, you would have no problem going to the hospital and having x-rays and getting a cast.

Um getting outside help and um having an outside voice is always a great thing.

Everyone wants to be heard.

Everyone wants to be heard.

It's a great thing if it's the right voice.

That's what I was about to say, is the right voice.

And I realize that there is money attached to that, and that is often where that can be a struggle, can be the um finance.

So um sometimes there's Christian counselors or pastors or um a trusted friend.

It doesn't have to necessarily be in the medical field, um, but it's finding the right counseling.

And you need to seek help to find the right counselor.

Um, but there is nothing wrong with finding a counselor.

And there have been times um in our walk where we have sat down and found we have older ministry couples that we go to often to sit down and just say, hey, what do you think about this?

There is wisdom in that to have other people that can help speak into different things, whether it be raising kids, whether it be financial questions, whether it be pastoral questions, or just people to love on us.

And um, we're not supposed to do life alone.

That's why God created the church.

So I say yes and for help with kids and say, hey, how did you do this?

And we've done that for raising our children as well.

Hey, you've raised great kids that love Jesus.

How'd you do that?

What did you do?

Yeah, that's the simple formula, bro.

And again, this is gets deeper when you got like maybe teenagers or they're getting into that phase where you're like, okay, is this a little out of out of depth from me?

Like, and even me, like I candidly, I have a counseling degree, and there are still seasons of our lives that it's like, yeah, I understand something, but this may shock you, but sometimes somebody else needs to say it to your kid, not you.

And uh that's okay.

I think for a lot of people, it's the fear of and pride.

Like, well, I don't want anybody to know that I've sat down and talked to a professional about something, or that I've I've sat down and talked to a pastor about something, or I I sought counsel because we need to have it all together.

No one has it all together.

Uh, you know, if your car is busted, you don't just look at your car and be like, I don't want anybody to know that my battery died, so I'll just walk for the next two years of my life.

It's like that's ridiculous.

You know what I mean?

No, you take it, you know, and it it it's it's kind of one of those, and and that's yeah, that's uh I think we it's a simple formula for us.

We literally found people who said, All right, they're who we want to be like when we grow up.

So we'll ask them.

And it literally was just they raised godly kids.

Like they have grown-up kids who are now raising their own kids, and those grown-up kids are godly kids, and they're raising their kids to be godly kids.

So we said, well then look, what did you do?

And it's as simple as we would take them out once a year to dinner and just say, here's the deal.

We're gonna buy you dinner.

We've brought a notepad and pen.

We would like you to chew and talk at the same time, and we're gonna ask you questions.

Because it's not just like like maybe family counseling, sometimes it's that getting help for you as a parent and somebody who will lovingly kind of check you on that.

And we do we do something in our in our house that Robin introduced that uh I learned from you, and kind of the last thing before we'll we'll wrap things up and break out into questions is uh we take timeouts.

And I know that kind of silly.

It sounds kind of silly.

Like, you know, when you were a kid and used to take a nap and you hated it, and now that you're older, you're like, I would love a nap.

Like that sounds awesome.

When you would be put in time out as a kid, it was the worst.

And now as a grown-up, sometimes you're like, somebody put me in timeout.

I would love a timeout from all these people.

And um, I'm not that.

I am um what do you call like a helicopter?

Uh if there's an issue and you got something going on and I want it resolved, I will follow you.

And just like and Robin would just be like, You can't do that.

He just keeps like going.

Yeah, like why?

Yeah but why?

But why?

Why are you feeling that way?

Why do you?

And I'm just like, Well, you gotta stop.

You just like just I need a timeout.

You introduced the timeout thing though, but you got there naturally.

Yeah.

Like when it's true, it's just we all sometimes when you start just to feel I I use the word like the rage, right?

It just like starts to come up inside of you, and and you realize I think what's about to come out of my mouth is not going to be productive right now.

And we can feel that in our marriage or sometimes in friendships.

Our children don't they don't have that.

They don't know that.

It just comes out, they're just going to respond.

And then, as he was saying earlier, we then punish it when it happens.

And we help them get there, and then we're mad about it and punish it.

And so to realize that that's what's happening, we have to help them realize I can see that that's where you're at right now.

I can see that you're frustrated and that you're upset.

You just slammed a door, you just went and stormed off and marched away from me when we're talking.

And what's our response?

Don't you walk away from me right now, right?

You're not gonna walk away from me right now.

You're gonna come back and we're gonna talk about this, right?

That's how we want to do it because we're the adult and that's how we're gonna do it.

And you're gonna talk to me when I say we're gonna talk.

And instead, it's you know what?

We all need that time out.

So let's help them recognize it.

And sometimes it's and or it's you're being disrespectful.

And so it's how are we going to help?

And sometimes in the moment I'm sitting there going, Oh my goodness, I couldn't bring our no, you're not gonna disrespect me, you're not gonna do this.

Because I'm gonna be honest, we went what, four or five months where one of our children didn't have a door because they could not stop slamming it, even though we did the calm down, we're not going to do that.

That's not an appropriate behavior, right?

So we're going to teach them that that's not the behavior, but then we're going to remove there's going to be a consequence.

Okay.

So it's I see that you're frustrated.

I see that you just walked off.

That's not an appropriate behavior, but I see that we need the time out.

We're going to circle back to this conversation.

Let's set a timer or let's whatever.

But we are going to have the conversation.

We're not going to escape it, but I'm going to teach you how to manage the emotion.

Okay.

So when we're starting to get here, how can we respond respectfully?

So let's in this moment, let's take the deep breath.

And I'm going to ask that you're going to tell me I need a timeout.

Mom, Dad, can I have a few minutes?

And I will come back to you after I've taken a few deep breaths and I will follow up on the conversation.

I'm going to ask that you practice that right now, and you're going to follow up with me.

Can you do that?

Yes.

Okay.

Now say that back to me.

And try to teach them how to do that.

That's the training that we have to do to our children.

So then that way we're not yelling back.

Right?

And going, you're not going to walk out.

And then now we're just teaching them that that's how it works and that we yell at them and they have to do what we say.

And then they, right?

And then it's not productive.

And that's what we have to work on.

And we behind the scenes had to practice that too.

Like not looking at our kids.

Our kid, you know, kid comes to you, this is the worst.

And you're like, you know what?

I'm going to need a timeout right now.

I need to, I need to, I need to center myself here for a minute.

You just wait and I'll help you later.

Like that, that's not what we do with the kids.

We do that practice behind the scenes with each other.

Um, so sometimes it's hey, I need a minute, and it's got it.

And then you just give that space.

So we call it the timeout and the tag out.

Did you guys ever watch wrestling like growing up?

Like tag teams, you know what I mean?

And sometimes it's hard.

Like I've I've shared this before.

Like I grew up single mom for years, uh, and it was just my mom, and there are stories that she told me.

There was nobody she could tag out, it was just it's you.

And uh, I was fun uh to have as a little one, and she just had to deal with it, and she would have to kind of take those moments, you know, on a single mom level, which is tough when it's you, and you you kind of just give yourself permission so you find the margin when you can do that.

And sometimes it's in the car before you go in to pick them up, and you take three minutes and you're like, all right, bring this down to wisdom, understand, listen, patience, and you're just kind of centering that.

Um, but even as a team, like we've had to be those like, hey, uh, this one's hard for me right now.

I need you to, I need you to go talk to them.

And it's like, great.

We didn't get there without the Sesame Street lessons that Robin taught me, though, because I was dismissing their emotions, I was matching their emotions, or I was punishing their emotions.

And she was like, hey, now we're at the point, well, they'll talk to both of us, of course, for several years now, as we have built that relationship.

But it is definitely a practice that you have to model and learn yourself of, you know what?

I'm not gonna match this, I'm not gonna dismiss this, and I'm not gonna punish this.

I'm gonna pause for a moment, or I'm gonna regroup for a moment, or I'm gonna prepare myself.

And even if it's a five-second prayer, we've had those where we've been in a conversation and just kind of sat back in your mind and just said, God, help give us harmony in our home.

It's a five-second prayer.

And it just retools your focus.

So then when you teach that to your kids, uh, they can do that.

That's heavy, that's a lot.

I think it's time to break out in questions unless you want to wrap up with another Sesame Street lesson for all of us.

Yeah, I think it's true too that we've been honest about our emotions in front of our kids.

Not that we've had meltdowns or anything.

Um, I mean, maybe we've had a few, but also some of us in the room from older generations, our parents tried to hide those things, right?

Mom would go and maybe cry in the shower.

And I'm not saying that that hasn't happened for some of us at times too, but also just being honest with our emotions in front of our children to say, you know what, mom had a I'm I'm sad right now.

I'm sad, I had a hard day today.

And I I could use a hug.

Can I have a hug?

Can I have a hug right now?

Right?

Or I'm happy.

I am happy today, and I am so happy to see you.

Good morning.

I'm feeling joyful right now, and I want to share that with you.

Like it's good for us, I think, to share our emotions.

The joy one's funny with teenagers in the morning because they are not excited to see you.

I went in this morning to my teenage daughter, and she was still on her bed.

I came in in a costume and everything, and it was a big deal.

But I came in and I was like, I am so excited to see you.

And she was like, Mom, you know, right?

But I think it's important to share the all of them and to explain the why.

And I think that will help our children in all stages.

So then that way they're not trying to navigate them at different stages of life and being like, Why didn't you, why didn't you teach these to me?

And why didn't you share that?

You want to model a healthy relationship.

Be real with me, and that helps that relationship, I think, too.

Yeah, and builds that trust.

You model it so when you teach it, they got something to hold on to.

Yeah.

Yeah, for sure.

So they feel safe to share their emotion with you.

And there's hope because they know that you have it.

There is hope for everybody in case you're like, dude, we're in the thick, we're like in the we're dealing with it.

Like she mentioned, we had one kid who didn't have a door for like a month.

Couple months.

A couple months took the door off the hinges.

You don't get a door.

You slam the door so many times.

Here's the consequences.

No door.

We did that, and you can judge us for that.

I don't care.

I'm scary.

I was like, it's gone.

Yep.

It's gone.

She looked at me, she goes, take the door off the hinges.

And I'm watching TV and I was like, I don't want to do this.

I was like, it's coming off.

I tried to rationalize.

It's gone.

I'm looking at her like, do we really need to follow through?

We don't need to follow through, do we?

She's like, Yeah, we do.

Yeah, we do.

All right, I'll get the stuff.

So we did.

I will tell I will tell you this though.

There is hope.

Hang in there if you're in there and you can share this at your tables.

We've gone from door off the hinges to now that same kid will just come up and be like, Can I get a dad hug?

And I'm like, Yeah, you can.

You can get a dad hug, and that door's still on your door.

Good for you.

I say that because modeling healthy emotions, being honest about them, don't dismiss them, don't match them, and don't punish them.

Listen to them so you can learn them.

Uh and now you guys can get real with each other in your questions.

All right, there it is.