Why You Feel So Alone (Even When You're Not)

We are talking about belonging today.

And one of the greatest threats to belonging are these masks.

When we when we feel like we've got to kind of put up a front to kind of present a version of ourselves that we think is acceptable to others in order to kind of be accepted by others, in order to belong, okay, what happens is we struggle to actually belong.

And yet, we live in a society where the gravitational pull is toward masks.

It's toward, okay, I gotta present myself as, you know, I got myself together.

I'm successful, I'm strong, I'm happy.

Look at me, I'm happy.

We have this pull towards like presenting this version of ourselves.

And in what and in church, it's like the pull is towards, like I'm spiritual, I'm I'm like religious.

Some people we put masks on every time they go to work or school and wear them all day long so that we don't have to kind of, you know, people don't really need to know what's going on with the rest of my life.

Some people wear masks at home every day out of fear of how they might be treated by the other people in their home.

Some people wear masks to church.

I mean, like let's be honest, like settings like this, this is one of the most like most prominent places where people wear masks.

Some of you, as soon as I started explaining what we're talking about with masks, you started to think, man, I know you say I belong here, but if you knew what happened this morning before I came to church, I don't know.

I don't know if you'd still say that.

Some of you are like, if, Misha, if you knew what happened in the car on the way to church today, I don't know if you'd be saying, I belong here.

Okay, that feeling, that feeling, like there's something, like I need to project a version of myself that's acceptable in the setting I'm attending to.

Like that is evidence that we have this gravitational pull towards wearing masks.

Now, if you are in person at any of our locations, uh on your way in, someone should have given you a mask.

If you pull those out, I'm gonna have you do something with those.

We're gonna use those um kind of all service long.

But what I want you to do is is uh start by answering two questions.

So you're gonna write on these.

And on one side, I want you to write how you project yourself towards others.

Like what do you think other people see when they see you or notice when they when they pay attention to your life?

What do you project on the outside?

And you just you can make a list, whatever that looks like.

Um, and then on the other side, just choose one side to be the outside and one side to be the inside.

On the other side, write down all the all the other things that are true about your life.

What's actually going on, maybe behind the scenes?

What what are what are the things that are just as true as what you project, but maybe you don't want everyone to know those things, okay?

And I know that I I can feel it.

I can feel the anxiety level rose a little bit as you're like, you don't think I'm gonna actually write down that stuff, right?

Some of you are thinking, well, what you know, what are we gonna do with these?

Who's gonna see this?

You don't have to put your name on it.

Some of you are like, but yeah, okay, I don't put my name, but I don't is this person next to me gonna see what I wrote?

What about the people behind me?

I don't know if I even trust them.

I'm not gonna look back now because I don't I don't want them to think I don't trust them.

Okay, that feeling of like what's going on, all that that's going inside, when you think about even just writing down something, what can I write?

That is evidence it's it that there's this gravitational pull towards wearing masks.

Like this is something we all do, and the reason why we wear masks is because we're we're afraid.

Well, what if what if people actually knew?

Would I still be accepted here?

Would I still be loved and cared for by the people that say they love and care for me?

Okay.

You can keep writing as we go on.

If stuff comes up, it's not gonna bother me if you're writing.

But this is what we're gonna talk about today.

We are in our final week of this preaching series that we we've been calling You Belong Here.

We've been walking through the book of Philippians, and and today we're gonna be in chapter three.

So if you want to open your Bibles to chapter three, that's where we're gonna hang out.

What we're gonna see in chapter three is that the real you, like both sides of the mask you, the real you belongs here.

Now, to catch you up, just quickly, if you haven't been with us for the rest of the series, in the first two chapters of Philippians, the apostle Paul uh he starts by explaining how Jesus created space for people to belong, what it looked like, what he modeled, and what he taught.

And then he says, okay, well, if you if you if you bought into that or if you follow in that way, then you ought to do that for each other.

Like you ought to create spaces for for each other to belong.

And then at the end of chapter two, he he gives two examples the in the life of Timothy and the life of Epaphroditus, on these men that were good examples of how to create spaces for people to belong.

Okay, so that's what we've covered.

And then in chapter three, where we're gonna be today, Paul gives a bit of a warning.

He's like, okay, so here's some examples of what this looks like.

But some people, they're like masking as if they're a part of the, you know, following Jesus in creating space.

But inwardly, I'll use his words.

This is what he says, verse two.

He says, watch out for those dogs, those evildoers, those mutilators of the flesh.

His words, not mine, okay, but probably because of the language, it requires some explanation.

Uh, Paul here is specifically referring to a group of people known as the Judaizers.

These were Jewish converts to Christianity, or at least they said their faith was in Christ.

But they they were teaching that anyone who turns to Christ that's not a Jewish person, needs to not only accept Christ, they also need to accept all the Jewish laws and customs.

And especially they were kind of leaning into this idea of circumcision.

That, like faith in Christ alone isn't enough, you also need to be circumcised.

And here's why, because way back, going all the way back to Genesis, the way that the Israelites demonstrated that they were in on the covenant with God was through circumcision.

God made a covenant with Abraham, and that was their way of saying, okay, our family is gonna follow all these commands and these laws.

And so these people are saying, well, you need that too.

Now, the the reason Paul disagreed with that is because most of the people that he was preaching the gospel to, they weren't Jewish.

They didn't grow up knowing anything about these laws or customs, and they're like, like he's he's like, Why would they, why would they go through this?

Like he strongly opposed this.

And just think about it.

This, if you had to be circumcised to become a Christian, this is a this is a painful decision, especially for the adult men.

This is not, hey, raise your hand if you want to be saved.

This isn't even, hey, come forward, we got the baptismal ready, we'll get you baptized.

This is like surgery, right?

This is like very invasive surgery.

And so Paul's like, no, no, this Paul taught his, he's like, nope, this is he taught faith alone, in Christ alone, you're saved by grace.

And he's like, if anyone's teaching something else, they're they're you here's who here's who they are.

They're dogs, they're evildoers, and the ones that are making you be circumcised, they're mutilators of the flesh.

And then he says this: he says, For it is we who are the circumcision, who serve God by his spirit, who boast in Christ Jesus, and who put no confidence in the flesh, though I myself have reasons for such confidence.

He's like, Because Jesus died and rose, there's like a new covenant.

There's there's a new testament.

And this new testament, the seal of this new testament is the Holy Spirit.

So why are we going around like telling people they gotta have surgery?

Like, no, no, no, here's we'll here, here's what the circumcision is for those in Christ.

It's that we are serving God by his Holy Spirit.

So when we demonstrate what he's getting at, really, if you if you take the first two chapters, when we demonstrate our commitment to the way of Jesus through the way we love one another, he's like, that's a way better representation of our faith in Christ than what whatever this these guys are telling you to do.

And so he's like, so so do that, do that, and then he and then he tells us next, he says, why this is so important to him.

He says, if someone else thinks they have reasons to put confidence in the flesh, I have more.

I was circumcised on the eighth day of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews, in regards to the law of Pharisee, as for zeal, persecuting the church, as for righteousness based on the law, faultless.

He's like, This is important to me because I know what it's like to pretend like all these outward things, these things I can project.

This is what it's really about.

But he says this next, he says, but whatever were gains to me, I now consider loss for the sake of Christ.

This matters to Paul because this was his story.

And he's like, all this religious projection that I had, man, I once I met Jesus, what was I?

I was like, what was I doing?

It's it's it's it wasn't worth it anymore.

So he's like, here's what I did.

I gave it up.

I counted it as lost.

You pull your mask back out.

Think about some of those things that you project.

Maybe even some of the like spiritual, religious sorts of things that you project on the outside.

I go to church every week and I take communion, I serve in the kids' team, I read my Bible every morning, I pray with my kids at night most nights.

What is it?

Paul's like, okay, you got a list?

I got a list too.

Paul's like, let's compare lists.

Because mine's probably better than yours.

And he said, but man, when I met Jesus, this this mask, it didn't make sense to me anymore.

So he's like, here's what I did gave it up, surrendered it.

Everything I once counted gain, I consider loss.

And then he goes on, he says, What is more I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus, my Lord, for whose sake I've lost all things.

I consider them garbage that I may can't gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith.

I want to know Christ.

Yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so somehow attaining to the resurrection from the dead.

Paul was like, I was at the top of the food chain in the religious world.

I was like the picture of what it was like to be.

And and then I and then I just what is this?

What are we doing?

So I gave it up.

And and when he gave it up, when he gave up righteousness based on his own projections, what he found, what he found was something so much better.

What he found was a better way of living, a freer way of living, an eternal kind of living.

He gave up righteousness based on the law and he found true identity in Christ.

He found purpose in sharing the gospel with anyone who would listen.

He found true belonging with with other believers.

And that's the invitation for you and me today.

That if we will be willing to take off the mask, if we'll be willing to give this up and actually let go of the things we've held on for the sake of knowing Christ, that we too can experience, we can find true identity, true purpose, and true belonging.

That's what Paul's like.

He's like, man, you gotta know, you gotta know this is this is what I've experienced.

And he so desperately wants it for the Philippians 2.

He's like, Yeah, I want you to know this, I want you to know.

I here's what I want you to know.

I want you to know what it's like to pursue like the power of the resurrection of Jesus.

Which, which, okay, that concept seems interesting to me, okay?

Resurrection, I can get the power in that, but what precedes the resurrection doesn't seem like something that's gonna lead to power.

It it appeared with Jesus on the cross, it appeared as weakness.

I mean, he was humiliated, he was suffering.

Like this didn't look like the picture of power with him on a cross.

Jesus gave up his rights, gave up his life so that you and I could be forgiven, so that you and I could be saved.

But it didn't look like a picture of power.

But because he gave himself up, God chose, because of his self-sacrificing love, to raise him from the dead.

And to and to raise him up and put him in the highest place so that everyone in heaven and on earth and under the earth would give glory to him.

Jesus, because of his self-sacrificing love, didn't just become a picture or an image of righteousness and glory, he was righteous, he became our righteousness.

He was given the glory of God.

And Paul's like, okay, I want to know that kind of life.

I want to experience that kind of resurrection, eternal life.

And he's like, I would give anything, and I have given everything for that purpose, church.

Do you have a story like that?

What is your transformation story?

How is your life different because of what Jesus did on the cross?

Is it is your life different?

Are you kind of just like kind of all the same old, same old?

How are you living differently?

How is how is your marriage different?

How is your parenting different?

How are your relationships different?

How do you show up differently at work?

How do you show differently, how do you show up differently at home because of what Jesus did on the cross?

Is it actually changing your life?

Verse 12.

Paul says, Not that I've already obtained all this, nor I have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.

Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it, but one thing I do, forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

When we finally surrender our mask to God, here's what happens: it frees up our hands to take hold of Christ.

This is what Paul Paul's like, if you just let go of that, you actually can take hold of a new kind of life.

But you gotta let go of it.

And Paul's like, okay, I know it's easy to say, not so easy to do.

He's like, I haven't even already fully done this.

But this is my pursuit, this is who I'm becoming.

And that is so important for the message of Philippians chapter 3, and what we're talking about with belonging.

Philippians 3 · chapter mention

We are all becoming something.

We're all becoming someone.

And because we're becoming, but we haven't arrived yet, that's why we need a group of people around us who know what's actually going on, who we can be honest with about how we're falling short of our pursuit of becoming like Jesus.

We need a community of believers who are gonna be around us, that are gonna keep us accountable to the commitments we make, that are gonna love us enough to say, hey, you, hey, I want you to press on toward the goal.

I need to help, I'm I'm telling you this because I love you and I care about you and I know what you want to become, and I want to help you become.

We all need a group of people like that.

We don't need a bunch of people that we just project some version of religiosity for.

We need people who are who know what's actually going on in us.

And as much as I wish we could kind of make that happen in a setting like this, these large group gatherings on the weekends, our weekend gatherings at all of our locations, this is not what they're designed for.

Like we gather on the weekends to worship God and to celebrate what he's done and what he's doing.

But man, small, smaller groups than this are so important.

It's why you hear us all the time.

We're trying to move you from auditoriums to living rooms, from rows to circles.

If you're not in a smaller group than this, man, this is why you're gonna hear us all the time invite you into smaller groups, then this is why small groups that meet in homes are so important to what we do as a church.

It's why men's groups and women's groups and recovery groups and grief share groups and all the other groups that we do, we we do this to get you in circles and in living rooms so you can be open and honest with a group of people who know what you're going through and you know what they're going through.

And if you're not currently in a smaller group, the best way to join a small group right now is through rooted.

Rooted is an 11-week discipleship journey, an 11-week commitment.

You're gonna grow with others in this, you're gonna get to know more about God, but you're gonna get to know some people, they're gonna get to know you.

Most of our rooted groups end up becoming small groups after those 11 weeks.

So if you're kind of like, and these rooted groups start in just over a week.

That's why they're the best way to get signed up.

So if you've been on the fence, hey, I don't know if I want to sign up, okay.

Use the QR code, see someone in the next steps area after service, get in a group.

This is this is like Paul's getting at.

And and he kind of doubles down on this.

Here's what he says next to wrap up this section, verse 17.

He says, join together in following my example, brothers and sisters.

And just as you have us as a model, keep your eyes on those who live as we do.

Hey, if you're in, if you're if you're in a group of people who know what's going on, he's like, You get you gotta you gotta invite others in.

You gotta be a model, you gotta be an example for others.

And here's why.

For as I have often told you before, and now tell you again, even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ.

Their destiny is destruction, their God is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame.

Their mind is set on earthly things, but our citizenship is in heaven, and we eagerly await a savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control will transform our lowly bodies so they will be like his glorious body.

And then chapter 4, verse 1.

Therefore, my brothers and sisters, you whom I love and I long for, my joy and my crown, stand firm in the Lord in this way, dear friends.

Can you feel the passion in what he's writing?

You think this group of people matters to him a little bit?

And yet he's he's thinking about him and he's like, But I know there's just so many people uh around you that that they they don't know about Jesus.

Or they do know, but they haven't been transformed by him, and they they they they're they're setting their minds on earthly things and these things that waste away.

He's like, and he's emotional about it.

And if you remember, Paul's writing this from prison, he's like weeping tears in prison because he's thinking about all these people that are going after things in this life that they're missing the mark.

And he's like, the way to keep from being swept up in this this gravitational pull towards mass, this gravitational pull towards earthly things, he says it's to verse 17, join together.

Join together.

He's like, if you if you want to know what it's like, if you want to experience what it's like to know Christ and experience that power, you've got to have some people in your life that actually know you, who know what, who know what's actually going on in your life.

We've been saying for for weeks, you you belong here.

It's not the perfect or best version you present of yourself that belongs here.

The real you belongs here.

For it's only when we're actually known and still experience belonging that we can stand firm in the Lord.

So, one more time if you'll pull those masks out.

Same two questions.

Maybe you can add some things to your list.

What are you projecting on the outside?

What's actually going on on the inside?

What else is true?

What's going on with your marriage?

What's going on with your kids?

What's going on with your health?

Mental health, physical health.

What's going on with your finances?

What's going on with your addiction?

What's going on with it with the plans you've been making, but you're not falling through?

What's going on?

Really?

Be honest.

Be specific.

Honestly examine your life.

And then here's the good news, okay?

God already knows what's on both sides, whether you wrote it down or not.

And he loves you.

The real you.

And he died for you.

And he rose for you.

And the reason why Paul's so adamant about these people like actually living real life in front of each other and being honest with each other, he's like, he's like, there's just an experience with belonging that you can't know.

There's a sort of resurrection power of living that you can't know when you've got all these things that you're hiding from God, from others, from yourself.

He's like, I want you to experience true belonging.

So here's what I'm gonna have you ask you to do with the mask, okay?

Um first I'm gonna ask you to be real with God about what's on it and whether you feel safe enough to write all the things that that could go on it.

I'm gonna give you an opportunity in a minute, and we'll do this at in in Monroe and Saginaw as well.

Your your your campus pastor will come and walk you through how to do this.

But we're gonna we're gonna have a minute where you're in a minute here, where an opportunity for you to come up and and kind of leave your mask.

We got some baskets around the room, as a way of saying, okay, I'm gonna surrender, I'm surrendering my life to you, God.

All of it.

The the stuff that I want people to see, the stuff that I keep hidden.

I'm giving it all, I'm trusting you with it all.

And so you so we'll give you a chance to kind of come bring this on.

But before you do that, if you if that's a choice you make, I do want you to pause and pray.

I want you to say, hey God, I'm trusting you with all of me.

All of me.

I'm trusting you with, and just just here's all the stuff I project.

If it helps, here's some things I wrote.

Uh on the outside, I project that I, yeah, I got my I got my emotions under control.

Like I got this.

That Jesus' approval is enough.

It's it's all I need.

God, I know that I project that for me to live is Christ, but to die is gain.

And then say, but God, I'm giving you the other stuff too, which for me is that I I struggle when I don't know that others also approve of me.

I want to know God's enough, but man, if I if I don't get it from others, yeah, it's tough.

Yeah, yeah, I got I've got everything under control.

That's on the outside, but on the inside, that I know that self-control and impulsive emotional decisions are a battle, daily battle for me.

Yeah, I project for me to live as Christ, to die as gain, but there's also so many things I want to do in this life, and so many people I want to share those things with.

And in if I were to die, man, I don't know if I'd really think it's gain.

This what is it for you?

What's that?

I want you to say, hey, God, here's what it is, and I'm trusting you with that.

Thank you for forgiving me.

Thank you for loving me.

That's the first step.

In a minute, give you a chance to do that.

And I know not everyone is ready to trust God with their whole self.

I get that.

And you don't have to come forward if that's you, it's fine.

And I'm gonna pray for you that you will trust God, because that's the first step.

Give it to God, be real with Him.

Second thing, for those of the for those of you that do trust God and do decide, okay, yep, I'm gonna trust you with this, I'm gonna be real with you.

Here's the second step, and this one's gonna take more courage.

Um, in in James chapter 5, verse 16, it says this confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.

James 5:16

Um, we can all kind of give our masks to God, unmask ourselves because we know he's gonna love us and accept us, and and and he died for us.

Like we that that's told to us in scripture.

But when we start to think, okay, but I'm gonna tell another human this, like what?

What if they what if they like betray me?

What if they judge me?

What if they go and tell someone else?

I don't know.

Like, what if?

And and here's why we have that fear, because sometimes people do.

People are flawed, but but but but James is saying if you want to experience true healing, it's only gonna happen if you can be open and honest with others.

And and Paul says you're only gonna find true belonging if you can be open and honest with others.

And what if there was a group of people that you could be open and honest with about your struggles and your sins, and they still loved you?

Because that's what the church is supposed to be, that's how we're supposed to function.

So what if, what if?

So here's the here's here's the challenge.

Practice confessing to one another.

Be real with one another.

Go start, okay, if this isn't new, brand new to you, go to a trusted friend, maybe just one person, or a trusted leader, and say, here's what's actually going on in my life.

Here's what's going on behind the scenes, here's my sin, and I don't want to hide it anymore, I don't want to mask up anymore.

Be honest.

And when it's appropriate, be specific.

And if someone comes to you and says, hey, here's what's going on in my life, or if someone shows up to your small group and says, Hey, oh, Misha told us we had to do this this week, so okay, I'm gonna do this thing, and here's what's actually going on.

You can use me as an excuse, okay.

If someone says that, you don't need to solve their issue.

You don't need to give them any advice.

Here's what you ought to do: say thank you for sharing, thank you for trusting me.

And then ask, can I pray with you?

And if they say yes, pray with them.

Pray for them to experience freedom and healing.

And you don't need to worry about your words because the freeing power is in the confessing, and the healing power is in God who you're praying to.

Don't worry about your words.

Just pray, okay?

This this is how the church is supposed to function, as a place where we can be real and accepted and loved and experienced true belonging.

So let's do it in a minute here.

Be real with God, and then this week confess your sins to one another and pray for each other.

You belong here because of Jesus, the real you belongs here.

Let's pray.

God, you are so good.

And I'm so grateful that you have loved me in a way that has opened up my heart and life to be vulnerable with you first.

And God, thank you.

Thank you for choosing to love and forgive the real version of me.

God, my prayer for my life and my family and my small group and this church, God, is that we can each experience that same freeing power of living real and honest lives amongst each other so that we can all be formed into the image of Christ together.

And God, may you be honored and glorified.

Give us the courage, give us the wisdom, give us the love that we need to move beyond the fear and to be unified as one church in Christ in Jesus' name.

Amen.