Relational Success: I Am Responsible for the Revolution (Stewarding a Relational Revolution Pt. 7) | 09-13-26

Well, Father, I pray in Jesus' name y'all can be seated.

That as we lean into your word and as we lean into your ways and your heart, that God, you would deposit something in all of our hearts and lives that we would be able to carry out of this room, out of this time, and that we could apply it to every area of our lives, that it would be a deposit that would bring about your will, your good and perfect and pleasing will in all of our lives and in the lives of our families, God.

Thank you for your word.

It's so powerful, it's so healing, it's so life.

Jesus, you're the bread of life.

And so I just pray that you would open our minds, our hearts, our ears to hear what the Spirit of the Lord is saying to us today in Jesus' name.

Ben is in Wichita, Kansas, celebrating, cheering on, championing a very dear friend Neil Sewert, who you guys know he's one of our elders here at River Life and just incredible ministers of God.

So I'm super excited to have been able to send him to go do that.

He is um having a great time today.

And so I get to share the word, and I always, you if you know me, you know I love the word.

Like the word is the word's the word, the word.

I mean, it's just the word.

And I know when before I was really walking with the Lord, I had an opportunity to be raised in church.

And I was in a little small Baptist church in Keithville, Louisiana, and I would sit next to my parents on the row.

And I mean, we didn't have um musicians really.

There was like a pianist, and we had hymnals and we would sing along, and um it just life was very, very different in in that era of time.

And so I do remember feeling the presence of the Lord draw me to the front as a six-year-old, extremely shy kid.

So I know it had to be the Lord because I would have never gotten up and had the courage to get in front of anybody.

Um, but I do remember making what I thought was a solid decision, and it was, it was a great decision to make as a six-year-old.

But you know, then the world comes in and you get older and you you you don't have all the equipment that you need, you don't have all the revelation you need that what you really long for is not out there.

It's it's right here in God's house.

And so I would consider myself a prodigal.

I wandered for a really, really long time um all through high school where we lived in Oklahoma.

I don't even recall um meeting a single Christian in my school.

I don't remember anybody being the one that was like, well, that's the goody goody.

There were no goody goodies in my school.

They were, we were all partying and wild and all the things.

And unfortunately, the only time I stepped foot in churches is when I had friends that that died in tragic ways.

And so even that didn't shake me.

It wasn't even like those, you know, reality checks in those moments.

But then would come a season of my life where you know actually I was able to maintain this lifestyle of dysfunction, but because I was able to be successful in other ways, it seemed like it balanced out.

So things seemed to be going pretty good until I met your pastor who things weren't going so good for him.

Uh his ways of destruction would come in waves and he would do really, really good.

So when I met him, he was on one of those little upticks, right?

He was doing really, really good and he was so cute, and I was like, yes.

And then off came the cycle of drugs and alcohol and the whole lifestyle, and then it would get really, really low and up and down, up and down.

So for three and a half years, um, we lived the roller coaster of just this madness.

But then when it finally came to a head, he said, Hey, I know what, I know what I need to do.

Because see, I met him when he was backslidden, so he still had that little Jesus sparkle in his eye.

So um he said, I know what we need to do, I know where we need to go.

And we found ourselves walking into a church with beautiful, wonderful, authentic community, beautiful people, just very much like you guys.

You guys remind us so much of home and what it felt like to walk into the house of God and to be loved and to be drawn in, and people that say, Hey, I've seen God do this a time or two.

I know what he can do.

And if God could do it for me, he could do it for you.

And so we just came into this atmosphere that really honored God well and loved people really, really, really well.

And so thus is the story of how we became Christians.

But in the the whole life of learning to live as Christians, it it requires a whole new way.

Like you have to have a new dynamic of living.

Like the way you do friendship and the way you have like your your your whole group or this, everything had to change.

And I love uh Ruth Back was uh one of our pastor's mothers, so she was probably in her 70s and had an encounter with her, and one night she looked at me, she's asking me all these questions, and I was still kind of in, kind of out.

I was living a little bit of both worlds because I was still in process, right?

And she was asking me all these questions, and every question she asked me, I was like, Oh, I don't want to answer this sweet, precious lady the truth, but I can't lie.

And man, I just felt like I was just shrinking in my seat.

And finally she looked at me with the most beautiful smile, and her eyes were just like blazing fire with Jesus in them.

And she looked at me and she said, Well, baby, everything in your life is gonna have to change.

Like everything had to change.

And I was just confronted with the invitation of a lifetime.

That was the very first time, and it felt very similar to like when I was a little girl, when I felt literally like the Holy Spirit grabbed a hold of the deepest part of me and said, Come with me, come with me.

And that began my journey of learning what it was going to look like to really follow Jesus and to not just say it or claim it or have an agreement that it's good and right, but to really begin to learn what it is to be a follower.

And we had so many wonderful, patient, loving, and kind people in that church that just brought us in, that just said, hey, we have a place at our table.

Hey, there's extra room at this party or this event.

And we just got pulled into this life bomb.

And I remember thinking, like, like, what is this?

Like, this is the most unusual, amazing thing I've ever experienced.

It was like the party, but without the strings attached.

It was the fun without the regret.

It was all the things that I was looking for out there, but now I've found it here, and there was no sorrow added to it.

And so the relational things that we learned in this season of our lives of being trained and just growing in the Lord in our early days, I just feel like this morning I wanted to pass along some of the things that I gathered along the way.

I didn't want to depart from the relationship series because we really believe relationships are the true riches, and relationships affect every single area, every single day of our lives.

They're crucial.

It's critical, super important.

And so I would title my message because we're we're in the series Relational Success, Stewarding a Revel a Relational Revolution.

And my first point would be I am responsible for the revolution.

So I'm a boy mom, and I was the only girl growing up in my household.

So there's just part of how God just chiseled me.

I'm just a coach.

Like I'm nurturing, I love making like heart-shaped pancakes, and I do sprinkles and whipped cream.

I do all the cutesy little fun I love and nurture my kids.

But when it comes to real life, I don't play, do I, baby?

And I'm very serious about what's serious.

We have fun, we have a great culture in our home.

I love family.

I think our kids enjoy being in our home.

But when it's serious, it's serious.

And one of the things that I see just at large in society is there is an absolute deficiency of personal responsibility.

One of my pet peeves, and I just apologize to my children in advance, like it's just part of the life you were born into.

You're gonna be examples, and I'm gonna tell stories, and none of them will be humiliating, but it'll be a little peak.

Because I think that's what's important is we have to have a peak inside.

Jesus went, he tore the veil all the way.

So I'm not about to put one up, right?

So what you see is what you get.

Um, but my my boys, one of my pet peeves, they would even tell you is I don't like it when a confrontation happens and the reaction is to make an excuse or place blame somewhere else.

Just don't even go there with me.

Like I'm gonna cut that off like super quick.

Nope, nope, we're not talking about them, we're not talking about that, we're talking about you.

And I feel like sometimes the Lord, in his kindness and his goodness, will confront us in that same way.

I'm not gonna let you always be looking outward or somewhere else, like it's someone else's job or it's someone else's responsibility.

Because when that happens, we're always deflecting and deferring what could be done right now.

It's procrastination.

And if you don't do it, if I don't do it, we're depending on someone else to do it, and if they're operating in the same deflection that we are, then guess what never happens?

No one ever takes responsibility, and decline is certain.

Destruction is certain.

The enemy will come in.

He can sniff out irresponsibility.

You know, sometimes we don't even think like, oh, irresponsibility, that's really ugly.

Irresponsibility drives me up the wall.

Like it is, we've got to be responsible for ourselves, for what we know, what we need to know.

And so personal responsibility is crucial for relational success.

Your relationship with God, your responsibility, your relationship with your spouse, your responsibility, your relationship with your kids, your responsibility.

And mine.

I'm speaking to myself.

Like this, we are in an era of time where everybody's looking for someone else to shift it to.

I'll just slide this over to you because I don't want to deal with it.

That's too heavy, or that's that's a hard thing, and I don't think I want to confront that.

I don't want to sound like I'm being mean.

Now I'm not mean to my children, but I'm serious about what's serious, and I'm sincere with what's sincere.

And so this is the sentiment of this whole point is that as Christ followers, we should be renowned for having the healthiest, most enviable relationships on earth.

The Bible says that they will know that we are Christians by our love.

And you know what?

Love is not cheap, the real kind.

It's not just a sentiment, it's not a word you throw out, it's not just, you know, a bracelet that you wear, it's not a charm.

In order to have real love, there's gotta be real, real life.

Okay, so when Jesus laid down his life, what did he show?

He showed his love.

So you can't even have love if there's not sacrifice, if there's not actions that say, hey, there are things more important than what's at hand.

What's right in front of me is not the critical thing.

What's important is the result of choices that we make day in and day out.

And so when I think about the revolution of relationships, I always begin with me and my three, my three boys.

It's it is up to me and my three.

And what could God do with me and my three?

That's my responsibility.

And as God multiplied loaves and fishes, he can multiply relational responsibility.

Because just like negative things can catch, so can positive things.

Again, more is caught than taught.

Like you'll hear things that I'm saying today, but really it's when you're living life alongside and there's the rub and the events and all the different things we do, those things are just moments to be together, to do life together, because that is how you build authenticity into your life.

So as a family, they've heard this their whole lives, we love, serve, give.

Like if we want to simplify what do we as a family exist to be and do for now and forevermore?

We love, we serve, and we give.

And when they're really, really little, that starts in really funny and cute and practical ways.

And then as they grow, the weight and the weightiness of it gets a little heavier.

And then the circle also gets more broad.

When my kids were little, I mean, we had friends that were just birthday friends.

Y'all know what I'm talking about.

Like we didn't really have like super close friends.

We had birthday party friends because kids don't know how to be friends, they have no clue, and they're not supposed to, but they learn how to share, they learn how to prefer one another, they learn all of these relational principles, but they learn it by what?

By the rub.

If you have been friends with, if your kids have been friends with my kids, you're nodding, you're going, yep, we've had a few rubs with the wards because they're kids, they're humans, they're people, but everybody's learning, and there's such a beautiful grace when you're living real life with people.

Because it's like, hey, you know what?

I needed that.

I needed that difficult moment because that difficult moment served me and my family so well.

So again, love, serve, give.

So we love people well.

How do we serve?

Well, the question is what's needed?

Whatever's needed at the time, that's how we're gonna serve.

And then we give.

What do we give?

We give our lives by giving our time.

We show up for stuff when it's very, very inconvenient.

We're gonna show up, we're gonna figure it out.

Sometimes the calendar is a circus, but we're gonna figure it out.

Even if we have to divide and conquer, there's a principle, you young families or to be young families, divide and conquer.

Write that down because it will serve you well because you'll be able to be in two places at one time.

Divide and conquer.

You go this way, I go that way, we'll meet back up later on.

We'll high five, and we have been present.

We have operated in relational principles that really matter.

Um, one of the pastors that discipled us, his name is Mike Back.

He'll be here next week and you'll get to see him and meet him.

But he was one of the ones that was just so patient.

I mean, he was there from the very beginning, all the way through.

He did our wedding, he has been at every birth of every kid, prayed for them.

I mean, he was even in like Texas.

We were like everywhere we go.

So we nicknamed him.

So he has, you know, very few people have like a like a quote slogan under their name, but we nicknamed him Mike Back, always there.

Because for every significant, important moment of our lives since we met that man, he has shown up.

It's the gift and the power of presence.

And it's funny because I don't even know how he would know certain things, and then we he would just show up, and there he is.

I'm like, wow, you were always there.

My dad was having open heart surgery, and I'm just sitting in the waiting room, holding my mom's hand, waiting on the edge for a report from the doctor.

And guess who rolls in?

Here comes Pastor Mike.

And you know what?

He didn't always have a ton to say, he would just sit, and it was just his presence that ministered so much that we had somebody that was always in our corner.

So when you see Mike back, you'll know that that's the guy.

He was just always there.

We had our interest meeting a year ago.

I got I started Facebook was posting all these memories, and there he is.

Yep, Mike back, always there.

And that's just that's become who we are.

We received the impartation, and we want to be the kind of people that we show up to what matters.

And so when we have all the insights and have been given authority and anointing for this exact task to be responsible, to show up, to be part of what God's doing.

And the word is full and overflowing with divine wisdom and counsel for everyday life.

The Holy Spirit is an ever-present help.

And so, you know, you may be like, Well, I wish I had a mic back.

You have the Holy Spirit, ever-present help.

And it's not just, again, I think sometimes in Christianity we think that the things of God are like little accessories.

I took my bracelet off because I I cannot do the little noise.

That's another thing in my house, right?

Little tiny repetitive noises.

So I had to take it off.

But the Holy Spirit is it's not like a bracelet that we just take on and off.

Always there, ever present.

Now we must study work and put in great efforts into relationships because they're central to the kingdom.

Like the absolute purpose, goal, culmination.

Why did Jesus come in the first place?

God so loved the world, all the people on the outside, the unworthy, the crazy, the risky.

He so loved the world that he gave his only son.

Why?

Because it couldn't happen through the prophets, it didn't happen through the judges, all those that he had sent before, none of them could get the job done because the goal was family, and in order to receive family, he had to sow family.

You reap what you sow, right?

He had to sow his one and only son into the ground, unless a seed falls to the ground and dies, right?

Jesus had to come to die.

That was the whole point.

Why?

That's not just a scripture to memorize.

Why for family?

Because God's dream is family.

So he gave a son to redeem for himself a family.

Relationships are critical, central.

We can't just shrug it off like it's optional.

Absolutely the central point of the kingdom of God.

People.

It's the whole point.

And if you're not careful, because people are also the most dynamic and the most difficult, the most wonderful and the most difficult times of your life will involve people.

Right?

All the more reason that we're encouraged not to let our love grow cold as the day approaches.

Why?

Because as the day approaches, so does the birth pain, so do the aggravations, so do the absolute irresponsible actions of others.

I look around, and if I'm not careful, I can get really cynical because I'm just very logical as a person.

And I'm like, that's just absolutely unacceptable.

But then I have to get over here and go, but you know what?

I was unacceptable at one point.

And all it took was a surrender and look what the Lord has done.

And I'm still a work in progress.

And so I love that the relational part of us is critical mass to the kingdom.

It is absolutely the end game of all the laws and outcomes of prophecies.

They all point to relationship.

You know, people can get really excited about prophecy, they can get excited about end times, they can get excited about certain categories within the culture of Christianity and the culture of kingdom.

But again, the whole end game, all of it culminates to relationship.

Relationship first with God and then relationship with others.

And the key scripture is Matthew 6.30, I'm sorry, not Matthew 6.33, Matthew 22, 37.

You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.

This is the first and greatest commandment.

And second is equally important, love your neighbor as yourself.

The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.

This is Jesus himself answering a question that was meant to be a trick question, but he answers this question because he's saying first is love God, but the second is equal.

Meaning it's not order of one, two, three, four.

It's one dash one.

It's it's equal, it's separate, but it's all one and altogether important to God.

And so we must.

Study work and put great effort into these things.

And if the truth is, if we're not a great Christ follower, we will not be a great friend.

So it's like when your kids are little and you're training them how to be a friend because you come into this thing, no clue.

When I came into the Lord, I had no clue how to live his way, how like what was perfect and pleasing and acceptable.

I had no idea.

So funny story: when we came into the church, these people love to celebrate.

There was always like a gathering of some sort.

There would be a memorial day this or 4th of July that, and they were all a bunch of families.

And I remember my very first one.

Of course, I'm just like, it's a swim party.

Well, swim parties, swimsuits for me at that point in my life were bikinis, right?

I'm thinking, but I had like an outfit over it.

And I show up at this party and I realized very quickly, these are all the pastors.

Guess who didn't swim that day?

I I was like, well, that, but you know what?

Nobody made me feel guilty.

Nobody said anything.

The Holy Spirit put it put a check in my heart.

And I knew I was like, yeah, it's probably not the best choice.

So I'm gonna refrain.

And I'm telling you, it's micro moments, little by little, just all these interactions.

And it wasn't anybody, I didn't feel judged.

I didn't feel like anybody was being cruel or mean.

It was the presence of God helping me understand what was right and appropriate in the context of this new family I was in.

I had never had a second thought about swimsuit choice, ever.

All of a sudden I'm thinking differently.

So guess who was at work in my life?

In very practical ways.

The Holy Spirit, ever-present help in a time of need.

And so learning how to be a great Christ follower makes you great at everything, really.

It's the training that you need.

So when my kids were little learning how to be friends, I always pointed back to the word.

I always pointed back to the ways of God.

And so we're all living and learning.

I get it.

It's it's all of us, but we're living and learning together.

And these principles will help us to grow into the full stature of Christ.

And when we grow into more and more fullness, then we're able to help other people as they come along, right?

That's the whole point of I think what the Lord's been doing this past year is He's been developing something in us, a new culture, a culture that's okay with something being small but significant.

Because we're not telling people, oh, hey, you're gonna get in and it's just gonna feel amazing.

There's all these people, there's all this stuff.

You know what?

Stuff doesn't heal, stuff doesn't transform.

It's the concentrated, honored presence of the Lord that's gonna solve every concern and issue that we have.

And we've got to begin to point people back to the truth and the authentic ways of transformation.

And so being a great follower of Christ helps you have a great marriage, helps you be great parents, just helps you in life in general.

Matthew 6.33, seek the kingdom of God above all else and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

As we seek the kingdom, as we seek, what does the word have to say?

So, you know, there's all the questions that different stages of life will bring.

Well, what do we do about this?

Should we buy this house?

Should we buy this car?

Should we go to this school?

Should we be involved in this sport?

I mean, there's a billion choices that you make any given day.

And if we seek first the kingdom, it's incredible how many nuances are solved just in making a pre-decision that whatever God says I'm gonna do, that's it.

I mean, you want to talk about having a very simple, not easy, simple life.

God, whatever you say, that's what I do.

And I'm not in control of the outcome, but because I know that you are good, the outcome is gonna be good.

The process might feel a certain way, the process might be difficult, the process might chisel some things off of my life that I didn't know needed to be gone, that I really wasn't ready to let go of.

But God, in your goodness, I'm gonna follow you.

I'm gonna let you order my steps.

I don't have to figure it out.

There's so much peace in that, there's so much rest in that.

And it's like once you get in this lane of going, what does God think?

What does God want to do?

Then when you step outside of that, because you will, you step outside of that and you start trying to, you know, create and craft and curate your own thing, and it's like the peace is gone, and you're like, oh, why is this wearing me out?

Peace, seeking the kingdom of God first, living righteously, and he takes care of all the other things.

And so the first part of being revolutionary in relationships is I must deny myself.

Jesus said, if you will be my followers.

Now he's not even talking about discipleship yet, right?

Like follower is like the beginning.

If you will be my follower, then you must deny yourself.

I mean, we could stay right there for a really long time.

You know, we could skip past and go straight to carry your cross, but I can tell you, you cannot carry a cross if you can't deny yourself.

You'll drop that cross off over here, you'll drop that cross off over there, you'll put it off on someone else and what should have been yours to carry.

Because self doesn't want to carry a cross.

Jesus' self didn't want to carry a cross.

He even had a dialogue with God saying, God, is there any other way?

Is there any other way to get the result you're looking for?

But I want to do your will.

But God, could you take like the cross?

Like the cup of the cross, the bitterness, the pain.

Is there any other way to do this?

He didn't want to carry the cross.

So he's not asking us to do something he himself wasn't willing to do.

And so, denial of self, you know, we're in a season of fasting.

If you can deny yourself a meal, it's interesting how you can deny yourself of other things.

When you're praying, right?

We used to serve in youth ministry, and we would tell these young people, you get in these compromise situations, and you know what?

If you really truly don't want to be in a compromise situation, why don't you just break out and start praying in the spirit and see what happens?

Boy, that'll pass real quick.

That would be like, okay, see ya.

Have a good night, right?

You you have to prepare for temptation.

How do you do that?

You learn how to deny yourself, you learn how to say, self is not in control, Christ is in control.

And I mean, this is all the time, and you don't ever outgrow the need for this.

Like we you never age out of having to deny yourself.

In a culture where everything is self-centric, just being a thought sets you mind.

Consider another okay.

Here's one.

You're in the grocery store and you pull up to the front of the store.

Pedestrians have the right-of-way, right?

We're kind, we're gonna let you have the right-of-way.

But when you get the right-of-way, what do you do with it?

What do you do with the right-of-way?

This can apply in all kinds of scenarios.

What do you do with the right-of-way?

Just take your sweet time to cross the street.

I tell my boys, hurry up, let's go, let's go, go, go.

Someone's waiting.

Someone's trying to get somewhere.

Drives me crazy.

I'm like, does anybody see anybody else around them?

Like the lack of self-awareness in our culture is really a lack of consideration.

They're not considering anybody else.

They could care less.

And you know what?

When you care less, you're careless.

You're careless with your life, you're careless with others.

And so, just simply, literally, I think it's a ministry.

I think we're showing the world we are different because we book it across.

We go from this side to that side very, very quickly.

I mean, I'll have bags, shop, we work, hands full.

But it's the power of being considerate.

When we used to wait tables, service industry, man, people that really planted seed in our hearts were the people that were considerate.

Hey, you know what?

Instead of running that person back and forth, can we all just figure out what we need and let them go get it all in one trip, please?

Instead of thinking that it's their job to go back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth, and then you leave a minimal tip.

Like that is so inconsiderate.

But to say, hey, you know what?

This is a person, they're working hard, they've got all kinds of stuff going on.

Hey, no problem, but when you get a chance, we need this, this, this, this, and this.

And when you get back, be gracious and kind.

Like it's little things, it's real life things, but there's a power in being a considerate human being.

Listen to this, Matthew 16, 24 through 26.

And I know the word is spirit and it's spiritual, but it's so practical, it's so real life.

It says, if any of you wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way.

Take up your cross and follow me.

If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it.

But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it.

And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul?

Is anything worth more than your own soul?

Great question.

And so someone who claims to be a follower, but who is still doing most things their own way is confused and not meeting the basic requirements that Jesus set forth for a follower.

That's another thing.

We've got to get real with the word.

We have to use the word as our mirror to say, am I measuring up?

Not is this what the status quo of most people.

Because wide is the way narrow for the few, but wide is the path to destruction.

I don't want to be with the majority, because if I'm with the majority, then I'm just looking to my right and my left to approve of my behavior instead of looking to the word.

And I'm telling you, that always leads to a sidetracked path.

And so one of the things that we, from the time our kids were really, really little, we trained them to understand you are not the center of the universe.

I love you.

You are, you might right now be the center of my world, and all the things that I'm doing are for you, and I'm serving you, I'm making breakfast, lunch, dinner, I'm doing your laundry, I'm taking care of all these things for you as you're little, but that doesn't mean the whole world revolves around you.

We're going to be considerate people.

We're going to think about what do our actions, both positive and negative, how does that impact other people?

What are we, what are we choosing to do with our lives from the time they were very, very little?

Because here's the thing when when we train them this way, when difficulties come, guess what?

You're not the center of that either.

When when the world comes in with all of its opinions and all of its wrong labels and trying to tell you who you are, that's not central either.

And so difficulties are not always about you, even when it feels that way.

Sometimes the principles that we teach, as they grow and as they mature, and even as we grow and mature, we start understanding that it aligns us more with God's word and his ways, and therefore we're able to build these healthy lives and relationships.

And so here's just a few.

These are just some of the categories of things that we have over the years that I feel were highlighted, the Lord wanted me to share.

One of them is rejection is protection.

What you feel, because there is an enemy, and man, he loves to come in when something didn't go the way you anticipated, or somebody that you really, really, really wanted to like you and invite you to something and it didn't work out.

I have learned, I've proven this over and over in my life.

Rejection is protection.

That group of friends that I really, really, really wanted to stay with, but then things just changed.

I look back and I'm like, yep, rejection is protection.

That's one of the uh wonderful things of Facebook.

It'll kind of take you back to 25 years ago and you go, wow, man, like they're still in it, like they're still doing the same things.

And look at all the Lord has done.

And part of you grieves, but then part of you feels the relief of like, man, I remember what it felt like being, you know, torn away from that.

But look what the Lord has protected me from.

So rejection is protection.

Tell my boys, it's not happening to you, but it's happening for you.

Sometimes that pity, why is this happening to me?

Again, inviting in the Holy Spirit, inviting in the Lord, he will cause all things to work together for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purpose.

And so we can have a mental shift, and that changes your relationships.

It's not what someone's doing to you.

Well, what is how is this gonna serve me?

How did this situation that maybe wasn't pleasant or maybe felt difficult or strained, it's not happening to you, it's happening for you.

Maybe there's a part of you that God needed to deal with, and he just so happened to use that person, that situation to get a result in you that he's looking for.

Again, this is where it's personal responsibility.

Not that we always deflect.

I mean, again, if it lands on someone, it lands on someone.

If it doesn't, it doesn't.

But it's the idea that it's not always about you in the center of the dysfunction or the center of the difficulty.

I love this one.

How others treat you says far more about them than it ever does about you.

Their words, their actions reveal their heart, not your value.

That one principle will get you through so many relational challenges.

Again, I think the the world right now, everything's vying for influence, right?

You look at social media, it's all about the influencers.

And if we're not careful, we will be influenced because it's there.

It's a powerful tool that shapes the way you think.

Little by little, you start believing what's populating your feed.

I even think the language is crazy.

Y'all ever think about that?

You know, Meta, Ben was doing one of his series talking about changing the way you think, and Meta actually means after being with.

Changed after being with.

And Facebook renamed their mother company to Meta.

And I was sitting right there and I was like, oh, that's wild.

Changed after being with.

Influence matters, but what others say and what they do says more about them than it does about you.

Your value was determined when God said, I have a son and I'm sending him on your behalf.

Price was paid, ultimate price was paid.

Can anybody add more to that?

Like, could anybody add to what Jesus actually provided?

Is there more value?

Is there more to be said that speaks to how important and how valuable each of us are to him?

Someone's bad day should not be given authority to make you change who you are.

So your response, my boys have heard this a billion times, your response is your responsibility.

Doesn't matter what's said to you, what's done to you, none of that has the ultimate say in what your response will be.

Your response is your responsibility.

Because how we respond says it's it's who we are, right?

Out of the words that come out of our mouth, the abundance of our hearts speak.

And so when we respond in a way that is in alignment with God's word, now we are standing our ground.

Now we are holding fast to relational responsibility.

And when you see a young person take responsibility and just own it, I mean, again, night and day, I mean, you will be literally set apart just in the ability to own a mistake.

Or if you're able to own a response and someone responds to you or treats you a certain way, and you choose to be gracious and kind because that's what the Holy Spirit, okay, we look at the list.

When the Spirit is in control, what does it look like?

So are you gonna let that person and their bad day and their bad behavior control you, or does the Holy Spirit have control?

And so these are revolutionary concepts in how we function and act in relationship.

You know, road rage is a real thing.

I don't have it, thank you, Jesus.

But road rage is a real thing.

I have road dialogue, I talk to cars and I do it kind of nicely.

Like, okay, F-150, you didn't need to use your blinker there, did you?

And I make it funny because it is, it's like you just totally cut me off.

I've got my whole family in the car.

Like you could have created a crash.

But instead of responding in an angry way, I kind of it's it's just a funny thing.

So if you ever see me driving down the road and I look like I'm talking, I'm probably talking to the cars all around me.

But the response and how I respond to those things that happen, it changes the outcome.

Because then you see someone who little old lady accidentally almost cuts them off, and then they go full-blown, belligerent, run them off the road, jump out of their cars, drawing guns.

Like, we're there, y'all.

Like that's crazy.

Absolute insanity.

What is it?

Somebody's responding not to that moment, they're responding to who knows how much has piled up on the inside of their soul.

So do we really respond in kind?

If someone's angry and driving all erratic, do we respond in kind?

No, we respond the way that we are.

I tell my boys, everywhere you go, there you are.

Every room you walk into, it is who you are.

So your responses are your responsibility and they matter.

Romans 12, 2 says, Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.

Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

And so there's ways that the world wants us to respond, there's ways that the world wants us to react to them, but we have a different way.

And Jesus is the way, He's the truth, He's the life.

And when we love God's word, we love God's presence, and we love God's people, when we do these things well, then what we will see is a revolution.

And it starts small, just like every revolution in all of history, it always started with a small few group of people, tiny, small group of people that began to see the value in what they believed.

And what we have that we can adhere to, the word of God.

I've prayed that over them since they were babies.

They've probably heard it a billion times.

God, I pray that they would always love your word, your presence, and your people.

Put a love for your word, your presence, and your people into the hearts of my sons.

Because that's what, that's what's needed to see the shift that needs to take place, not only in just society, but really even in the church.

I think church hurt is one of those things that people throw around loosely, but there really are hurtful things that happen within the context of the church, and it's because people don't do relationships well.

It's like they're still running around acting like spiritual toddlers.

Paul addresses it.

You guys are acting like you still need a bottle.

Can y'all please grow up?

I'd be happy to feed you like a meal, but you're acting like a bunch of babies.

You're treating each other like you don't know how to read and how you you don't know how to say please and thank you, like basic spiritual manners.

Paul addresses it.

He didn't say it like that, but you get my point.

He was addressing the immaturity in the church.

But the more time we Spend with his word, the more we walk into his presence, the more the Holy Spirit has the opportunity to go, that's probably not appropriate.

Like, uh, probably shouldn't say that.

Oh, probably shouldn't do that.

Hey, but we got to have an ear to hear, we got to be sensitive to the Lord.

And when our most significant needs are met by God, all of our other relationships are governed by overflow.

This right here will take all the pressure that you are unknowingly putting on others to meet some kind of need you have when we are living out of an overflow.

So when I go and I know that I belong, like I belong to God.

Every room I walk in, I have an invitation because the Bible says that everywhere I place my feet, I belong.

Right?

I'm taking territory.

I don't have to be, you know, welcomed and ushered into a room to feel like I belong there.

I trust that the Lord structures and orders my steps.

So if I'm in a small room, I can be in a big room around really important people with big names.

It's the same to me.

Why?

Because God placed me there.

I don't have to be intimidated.

I don't have to cower in fear or I don't have to become someone else.

If God saw that I need to be in this room, then I belong here.

And so, you know, I don't have to depend on someone saying hello or oh, they didn't say hi to me or oh they missed me or I don't I don't need any of that because my certainty is anchored in the fact that I spend time with God in his word.

I belong to him, therefore everywhere I go, there I am and I belong.

And it's just this it's a beautiful thing that the Holy Spirit can produce in us and the pressure for others to perform or do things for us on your kids, on your spouse, on your friends, on your boss.

You know, you may be going, I need a raise.

And God's going, not yet.

Because I want to see you worship me and I want to see you be grateful in lean times.

And you're over here thinking your boss has got a problem, and God's going, it's me.

I'm gonna leave you in this situation a little bit longer because I am trying to produce something in you.

And when we trust our lives, we surrender our lives into the hands of a loving, good, gracious, caring God, we are no longer putting pressure on other people to do something for us that it might be God.

You know, not everything God does is pleasant.

Like a good parent, not every discipline feels good at the time, but the outcome and the result is what he's looking for.

And God disciplines those that he loves.

It's the greatest proof that you belong to him.

If you are experiencing any kind of discipline or what you may think of hesitation or you're in a season of waiting, you know, the wilderness, most people describe the wilderness as a place of punishment.

But if you go and back through the word and you do a study, every time God puts someone in the wilderness, it was a place of protection and provision 100% of the time.

It was never an outcast place, it was actually a protected, precious place.

When I was leaving my old life and coming into the new life, I had this idea that I was gonna give up all my friends.

I had just an awesome group of friends.

We were really good friends, they just weren't the right company.

And so as I transitioned out of that life and was no longer, you know, driving to the clubs and doing all the things they were doing.

Now I'm like, I'm gonna go to this church, and there's all these people, it was a thriving, there was tons of people my age, all this stuff.

It was all there.

I couldn't get in.

It was like there was a brick wall.

I was invisible.

I literally felt like for a really long time I had this invisibility cloak on me.

And I'm like, I really, I remember one day I was in my room, literally crying.

I was so mad.

I was like frustrated with the Lord.

You ever get there?

I was like, God, I gave up everything for you.

So dramatic.

I gave up everything for you, like I'd given up something like so valuable.

I'd given up this dysfunctional, crazy life, but it was everything to me.

And I was giving it all to him.

I literally, I mean, I was very, very sincere with the Lord.

Gave up all my friends, all my activities, everything I had going in my life, I gave it up.

And I thought I was just gonna walk into this church and get everything that I'd given up, but it was just gonna be the right kind.

Month after month, season after season, nobody.

And one night I said, God, I gave up everything for you, and and I don't have anybody.

If my phone rings, it's my mom.

That's how lonely I was.

And the greatest revelation that God could ever give an individual was this.

Well, poor you, all you have is me.

Poor you.

And it was in that moment I realized, oh, I get one on one.

Like this is not punishment.

This was a wilderness that he lovingly brought me into so that he could secure my identity.

He could build me into this new person because he knew that if I went into that group, still needing the same things that I needed from this group, I wouldn't be built for longevity, I wouldn't be built for depth.

And in that moment, man, my life changed so quickly, the word became my closest friend.

So when you guys hear me talk about the word, the word, that was when the Lord really introduced himself to me through his word.

And I would spend the the amount of time that I would spend doing all those things, now I'm spending that time with the Lord in the word.

Hours.

I mean, I my Bible would go with me everywhere I went, and if I had like 15 minutes in a car, I'm in the word.

I just couldn't get enough of God's word, and it changed my life.

And here's another principle as we get ready to close.

You guys can go ahead and come on up.

Life won't wait on the wounded.

You're gonna get bumps and bruises, but more than it was hurtful, it was helpful.

More than hurtful, it was helpful.

Life's not gonna wait on the wounded.

Time is our truest currency, and we can always make more money, but we cannot make more time.

How we spend our time and who we spend it with matters extensively.

And so when we think about a relational revolution, how it's our responsibility, we have to invite wisdom to navigate all the nuances.

There's so many principles, there's so many things that want to distract and derail and detour us from walking in the authentic relational quality of life that God has for us.

It's the true riches, your relationship with the Lord.

I'm telling you, I don't know that I would be who I am today if I had not suffered that season of loneliness.

I don't even see it as suffering now.

I look back and I'm like, man, what a gift that season was.

I wasn't distracted by all the happenings and all the activity and all the things that are notorious for drawing us into just the fun, fast Jesus' awesome lifestyle.

Now that was a great season too.

But I didn't go into that season needing any of that to make me feel whole or to make me feel seen or loved or cared for.

Like in that season, God just guarded my very soul from idols.

It's interesting, you can find a lot of them in church.

A lot of people won't talk about that.

You know, one of the, I think, foremost in this season of the church, Capital C, not here, you guys are incredible, but as people begin to come in, people are seeking first community.

And I don't even want to promote, oh, because you guys are the best community, you really are, but I don't even want to promote it that way.

Because that's not what they need.

It's part of it, it's part of the beautiful picture, it's part of the beautiful plan that God has, is to, the Bible says he places the lonely in families.

That's what he did for me.

That's that's my testimony.

But that's not the beginning, that's not central, it's the word, it's his very life and spirit that people need.

And so, although people will come in, just like I came into the church looking and thinking and believing I needed one thing, God so lovingly, kindly redirected me.

But God guarded my heart through time and his word.

Listen, do not perceive the word of God as a duty or a box to check or a thing that's just on your to-do list.

Like it's the thing.

Like, if there's anything that you leave with today, the word, the word, the word, it changes you.

Spending time in his presence changes you.

They work because they're the word.

But if we're gonna really see what God's heart to see an area changed, coming in one way and leaving another, like real transformation.

The word is gonna have to be the cornerstone, the anchor of the souls of the people that we meet, that we welcome into our community, that we welcome in to the beautiful fellowship that's here.

The people that begin to come in one family at a time, to the tables at the door.

Community is wonderful, but there is none like Jesus.

In the beginning was the word, and the word was God, and the word was with God.

And everything that is good and created and wonderful that we love came from there.

Christ is central.

And so as we decide today that we want to be part of a relational revolution, I think it's just imperative that we take a moment to ask the Lord, what would you relabel?

How would you restructure some things that maybe I'm thinking it's this, but what if it's that?

I'm pushing off something that you're wanting to use to refine me for my greater good, for the greatest outcome in the long term, that's gonna help me to be revolutionary in the area of relationships, in my home, with my family, with my friends.

Because they out there, all the people that are confused, people serving other gods, they will know that Christianity is right and true and real.

By the way, we love each other.

But we have to be great Christ followers to be great at anything else.

So, God, what do you want to redefine?

What do you want to redirect in our lives today?

Through your word, your presence, and your people.