Marriage & Divorce | 1 Corinthians 7:8-16

What are the odds that a church body that is

struggling with internal factions and prideful

judgment of leaders and jealous quarreling and

sexual immorality and defrauding each other in

court would also struggle in the areas of marriage

and divorce? What are the odds? Answer, 100 %

chance. 100 % chance. Absolutely, that members

of the first century Corinthian church were confused

about marriage, confused about their sexuality,

confused about divorce. After all, the Greco

-Roman culture all around them was already filled

with moral confusion about these things. As we've

talked about before, adultery in that culture

was not unusual. The use of prostitutes was a

normal part of life. Homosexuality, bisexuality

were perfectly acceptable. And the divorce rate

was very, very high. And with that as a backdrop,

now try to imagine how the gospel coming to Corinth

must have added a whole new tension to this cultural

mix. You have former pagans who had once seen

all those things as normal part of life. They've

engaged in them themselves. And now they put

their trust in Christ as Savior and Lord. And

now they are trying to figure out, how do I conform

my life? to the instructions that are coming

from the apostles. And that would have drastically

altered the dynamics in every household that

was touched by the gospel, by this new Christian

way of life. It would have put things in turmoil.

Now you have a pagan husband with a Christian

wife, or you have a Christian husband with a

pagan wife. You have men and women with multiple

divorces in their past, and they're coming to

saving faith. And all these people are coming

into the church. And so for these relatively

new believers, you have a whole bunch of honest

questions that would have popped up. Am I sinning

now every time I have sexual relations with my

unbelieving spouse? Am I sinning now? Is that

something that is defiling to me? Should I avoid

sex altogether now and commit to celibacy? Would

I be a better follower of Christ if I just divorced

my unbelieving spouse? Would it be easiest and

most pleasing to God if I just stay single? But

then how do I avoid all the overwhelming temptation

that's all around me? And it seems that the opinions

of the members of this church were all over the

place. Some were insisting that you have to be

married, particularly the Jewish part of the

church of Corinth. Others were insisting that

you should move towards celibacy. Some had already

divorced their spouses for so -called spiritual

reasons. And so problems and confusion ruled

the day there in Corinth. It was a mess. This

is what Paul is walking into as he writes this

letter. I've said this multiple times already

in this series. I am just so grateful I don't

have to shepherd a church like this one because

it is a mess. By the way, just because we're

living 2 ,000 years later doesn't mean that all

that confusion and all those questions over marriage

and divorce have just gone away. We still today

have people coming out of worldly backgrounds.

with all kinds of cultural baggage, and they're

coming to saving faith and they're coming into

the church. And then they too are trying to figure

out, well, what does God desire for me in terms

of marriage and sexuality? And so today we ask

some of the same hard questions. Am I supposed

to be aggressively pursuing marriage? And what

if things go wrong in that marriage? Is divorce

ever permissible for a Christian? And if so,

under what circumstances? What are the standards

and criteria? for a permissible divorce? And

if divorce does happen, can I get remarried?

So there are still lots of questions out there.

So today we're moving from one uncomfortable

subject to another, right? Last time we were

in this book, we were talking about all kinds

of sexual sin, and now we're moving towards divorce.

And this is one of the things you have to love

about 1 Corinthians, right? There's no holding

back on difficult subjects, and there's all kinds

of really practical life application. Now, this

message is going to be a bit unusual for us.

Before we can understand the full meaning of

what Paul is writing to the Corinthian church

in our passage for this morning, we need to first

start in some other parts of Scripture. Because

if we just look at what Paul says in this letter,

we're going to miss the full picture of what

God has said about divorce. Now, I tried last

night with all that I had to break this message

into two so that it wouldn't be so long today.

Spoiler, it's going to be long. But it really

does fit together. We really want to cover this

issue of divorce in one message. So it's going

to be a bit unusual. Now, here's the thing about

divorce. It's messy. It's messy in more ways

than one. And I'm going to give you a couple

of reasons why it's messy. First of all, this

is a very personal subject for many of the folks

in this room. Because so many of us in this culture

today have been touched by divorce. Whether that's

personally as a child of divorced parents. or

you've experienced it as an adult, having gone

through any number of painful experiences in

marriage, things like adultery, physical or verbal

abuse, an emotional affair on the part of your

spouse, abandonment, or just the very slow death

of a failing marriage. So this subject is personal

for a lot of us, and it's touchy, and it's painful

for some folks in our body, folks that we love,

folks that we want to empathize with. So just

be gracious today as we walk through these truths.

That's number one. The second, the Bible really

only gives us a handful of basic principles as

guidelines on the subject of divorce. And here's

the challenge. There are almost an unlimited

number of nuances to each situation when a marriage

is failing and it's moving towards separation.

And this makes it, let me just personally say,

it makes it very, very hard for the elders of

a church who usually get called in in a situation

like this to discern exactly what's going on,

what's been happening, and what the next steps

are. So as elders who are shepherding people,

we have to take those basic principles in Scripture

and then apply biblical wisdom in how we handle

each unique situation. And every situation is

unique. Third thing that makes the subject of

divorce so messy is the fleshly self -centeredness

that always accompanies the run -up towards a

divorce in the church. And sadly, I've had to

confront this multiple times in my ministry career.

A situation where somebody is obviously trying

with all that they have to find a loophole in

the biblical text to justify divorcing somebody

they just don't want to be with anymore. And

they will manipulate Jesus' teaching and they

will twist Paul's words and they will claim that

their spouse is the entire problem. They will

do anything. to get what they want. It's a fleshly

self -centeredness. And of course, where that

usually leads to when the divorce happens is

church discipline. It has to happen. It's necessary,

but it's also painful for a church family to

walk through. So all that to say, it's messy,

isn't it? Now, here's why I tell you all that.

Today's message isn't going to come close to

answering every question about divorce. It can't

possibly address every situation, every nuance.

We just don't have time. And frankly, because

of the unlimited number of unique circumstances,

there's no way I could stand up here unless you

wanted to spend all day together and just cover

every possible situation. It just can't. All

we can do today is examine the basic principles

and settle our hearts on what God has shown us

about this difficult subject. Make sense? Okay.

Let's dive in. Again, before we get to the passage

in 1 Corinthians, we're going to look at three

other passages that give us additional information

that we must have if we're going to understand

the full picture of marriage and divorce. We're

going to look at one passage in the Old Testament

and then two passages in the Gospel. So here's

the first one. I'm going to put these on the

screen to make it easy for everybody. The first

one comes from Malachi 2. So we're in the Old

Testament. This is the prophet Malachi confronting

the people of Judah. This is after the exile

in Babylon. This is after the Jews have returned

to the Holy Land. And this is after they've rebuilt

the second temple. So he's confronting them with

their sin. Here's what he says. Do we not all

have one father? Has not one God created us?

Why do we deal treacherously? each against his

brother, so as to profane the covenant of our

fathers. Do you get a sense that he's upset?

He is. Judah has dealt treacherously, and an

abomination has been committed in Israel and

in Jerusalem. For Judah has profaned the sanctuary

of the Lord, which he loves, and has done what?

Married the daughter of a foreign. Now that phrase

deal treacherously shows up throughout this passage.

It's the Hebrew word bagad, which means dealing

deceitfully or dealing unfaithfully with other

people. And in this case, the men of Judah have

dealt unfaithfully with Yahweh first and foremost,

but also with one another by running after foreign

women and marrying them. Even though these women

are outside the covenant with God, they are unbelievers.

They're chasing after unbelieving women. And

then it gets worse in the verses that follow.

It says, this is another thing you do. You cover

the altar of the Lord with tears, with weeping

and with groaning because he, the Lord, no longer

regards your offering or accepts it with favor

from your hand. Yet you say, for what reason?

Really? You're going to ask why? Your question

here is laughable. Your tears and your groaning

are fake. How is it that you think, as men of

Judah, that you can go do as you please, live

out all your fleshly desires, marry foreign unbelievers,

and then bring your offering to the altar and

think that God is going to accept it? The outright

arrogance and pride of this, right? The passage

goes on. Why? Because the Lord has been a witness.

Does any of us think that we can hide things

from God when we come to the altar? The Lord

has been a witness between you and the wife of

your youth against whom you have dealt treacherously,

though she's your companion and your wife by

what? By covenant. So, he says, take heed. Take

heed then to your spirit and let no one deal

treacherously against the wife of your youth,

for I hate divorce, says the Lord, the God of

Israel, and he who covers. So this is how it

gets worse. Not only are the men of Judah running

after foreign, unbelieving women, they are abandoning

and divorcing their Jewish wives to do so. So

they've made it twice as bad. This is what we

call covenant betrayal. You cannot claim to love

God while acting deceitfully toward the spouse

that he has joined you to. Those don't go together.

And all the tears and the groaning in the world

isn't going to change that. God hates the dissolving

of a covenant marriage that he has established.

And he hates it when his people try to conceal

unfaithfulness beneath a respectable garment.

That's what that last phrase means. You're trying

to hide your deceitfulness under that respectable

garment. I see it all, God says. So let's go

now over to the Gospel of Matthew. We're going

to go to the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew chapter

Matthew 5 · chapter mention

5, and this is where Jesus raises the criteria

for divorce as he speaks to his disciples and

the Jewish people. It says this, it was said,

whoever sends his wife away, let him give her

a certificate of divorce. That's what Moses prescribed

for the ancient Hebrews as a concession. because

of the hardness of their hearts in the midst

of this very patriarchal society where women

were often disposed of quickly and easily. And

so at a minimum, that certificate helped the

divorced woman in the sense that it gave her

legal standing as being released from the marital

obligations. This was Moses' instruction. You

can only imagine how in this type of society,

how the men of Israel could just abuse the law

regarding divorce. I'll just send her away if

I'm just unhappy with her for any reason whatsoever.

So in the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus raises the

bar on the standard for divorce. And Jesus says

this. He says, I say to you, Moses did that,

but I say to you that everyone who divorces his

wife except for the reason of Sexual immorality

or sexual unfaithfulness, get this now, makes

her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced

woman commits adultery. So Jesus is correcting

a casual, superficial view of divorce. You can't

just send your spouse away because you've come

across a conflict or because you're unhappy now.

Or because, well, you're disappointed. You thought

it was going to go this way, but it's not happening.

Or as we say in our culture today, because you

have irreconcilable differences. Or because now

you're more attracted to somebody else. It's

not going to work. Jesus gives us one, one concession

for divorce. That's it. Sexual unfaithfulness.

And then he drops that consequence of disregarding

his teaching. He says, if you do not have a legitimate

biblical basis to divorce your spouse based on

that one concession, then your marriage covenant

is still in effect. That covenant that God established

is still in effect, which means if you now run

out and marry somebody else, you are committing

adultery in God's eyes. And you cause that new

person you marry to commit adultery as well.

So the consequences are severe. One more passage.

We're going to go over to Matthew 19. And here

Jesus is questioned by the Pharisees on the subject

of divorce. They're seeking to trap him in his

own words. It says some Pharisees came to Jesus

testing him and asking, is it lawful for a man

to divorce his wife for any reason at all? Now,

historically. You can see here the Jews in Jesus'

day were still taking divorce lightly. The men

in that culture saw it as their right to claim.

The only difference between liberal and conservative

wings of Judaism was the standard for divorce.

The more liberal wing said, look, a man can do

as he pleases. He can get rid of his wife for

any reason. The more conservative wing was saying,

ah, let's slow down a bit on that. we should

make it a little bit more difficult than just

any reason whatsoever. So this is being debated

in the culture of Judaism in Jesus' day. What

does Jesus say? He says, and he answered them

and said, have you not read, which is a great

challenge. You guys are the teachers of Israel.

Haven't you read this? Have you not read that

he who created them from the beginning made them

male and female and said, it's like, I have to

take you back to Sunday school class here, right?

You remember this story? He says, for this reason,

a man shall leave his father and mother and be

joined to his wife, and the two shall become

one flesh. So they're no longer two, but one

flesh. Here it comes. What therefore, what God

has joined together, let no man separate. Mic

drop, right? Jesus is not going to let his opponents

control the agenda. Rather than give them ammunition

to try to trap him, he takes them back to Sunday

school, takes them back to the garden. And he

puts before these deceitful men God's original

design for marriage. And he establishes the core

principle. What God has put together, no man

should separate. That's the core principle, okay?

Now, the Pharisees aren't done trying to mess

with him, right? So now what they try to do next

is pit him against Moses. It says this, they

said to him, Why then did Moses command to give

her a certificate of divorce and send her away?

Hey, are you contradicting the law? Are you contradicting

Moses? And then Jesus lays before the Pharisees,

the teachers of Israel, the same standard that

he just gave to the crowds on the Sermon on the

Mount. He said to them, because of your hardness

of heart, Moses permitted. permitted you to divorce

your wives, but from the beginning, it has not

been this way. This is not God's design, he says.

And I say to you, I say to you, teachers of the

law, whoever divorces his wife except for sexual

immorality and marries another woman, he commits

adultery. Okay. That's the backdrop. You have

to know those things before we go to our passage

for today. So open your Bibles. Let's go to 1

Corinthians 7. That was the introduction. So

as I said, this is going to be a long sermon.

Settle in. Settle in. This is honestly one of

the most difficult and precise messages I've

had to write in years. So we want to take this

slowly and carefully. I'm going to try not to

rush through it, even though we're on the clock.

Remember last time we were in this chapter, which

was three Sundays ago, we looked at verses one

through seven in this chapter, right? And this

is where Paul begins to respond to a series of

questions that he's received from members of

the church in Corinth, okay? Paul's at Ephesus

across the Aegean Sea and he gets this notification.

Hey, Paul, you're our apostle. We have questions.

Please address these things, right? So questions

about marriage and celibacy and divorce come

up first. And there seems to be this weird movement

in the Corinthian church about moving towards

celibacy and divorce, right? And so Paul begins

to touch on singleness as well. Let's go back

up to verse 1. We'll quickly review those verses,

and then we'll read verses 8 to 16 from there.

Verse 1 says this. Now, concerning the things

about which you wrote. Okay, so that's a transition

phrase in the letter. Paul's saying, I'm now

turning my attention to those questions that

you've asked me. And what comes next is a statement

from the person who is requesting Paul's advice.

Quote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman.

That's the statement. Some translations say it

is good for a man not to have sexual relations

with a woman. Paul responds then beginning in

verse 2. He says, but because of immoralities,

that is porneia, sexual immoralities, each man

is to have his own wife. And each woman is to

have her own husband. And the husband must fulfill

his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife

to her husband. The wife does not have authority

over her own body, but the husband does. And

likewise, the husband does not have authority

over his own body, but the wife does. Notice

the mutual responsibilities equal both husband

and wife. This is important for later. And we

saw last time how these principles here that

are established in a covenant marriage relationship

are a protective measure against either partner

falling into sexual sin. God says, look, take

a husband, take a wife. You now have an outlet

for your sexual desires. Verse five. So stop

depriving one another, Paul says, except by agreement

for a time so that you may devote yourselves

to prayer and come together again so that Satan

will not tempt you because of your lack of self

-control. But this I say by way of concession,

not of command. Verse seven, yet I wish that

all men were even as I myself am, meaning unmarried.

We'll get to that in a second. However, each

man has his own gift from God. one in this manner

and another in that. Okay, now where's Paul heading

next? Where does he go beginning in verse 8?

Well, he's going to address three unique groups

of people in the church of Corinth. By the way,

groups that still exist in the church in America

today. So we have a lot to learn here. We're

going to walk through each one of them one at

a time. The first group that he talks to are

the unmarried. Verse 8, he identifies them right

out of the gate. But I say to the unmarried and

to widows that it is good for them if they remain

even as I. Meaning it's a good thing if they

stay unmarried, just like Paul was. So he's speaking

to several types of believers here, to all those

who are living at that time who are not bound

by an active marriage covenant. to those in the

church who had never been married, to those who

had been married but were now widowed, and to

those who also had been married but were now

divorced. None of them are under a marriage covenant.

For those types of believers, Paul says, it is

good to remain as you are, to stay unmarried.

By the way, he's going to give us a couple of

reasons for that later in the chapter. We'll

get to that in subsequent sermons. For now, we

should recognize the principle here that being

unmarried is not something to be looked down

upon. Being single or unmarried is not to be

looked down upon, despite what today's church

culture tends to believe. Most people, and a

little bit of this comes from the TMU culture,

can we be honest, from the bubble, right? Most

people in the church today assume that every

believer should be out there desperately searching

for a spouse and to do it right away. as soon

as possible. But that is not Paul's perspective.

He sees singleness as good. And he sees marriage

as good too, right? Both of them have advantages.

Both of them have disadvantages. And neither

being married or being unmarried is more spiritual

than the other. Both can be spiritually beneficial.

What does it come down to? How God has gifted

you and the role that he has assigned you in

the body. Okay, so make sure you have a balanced

perspective on this. But look at verse nine again.

But Paul says, if the unmarried do not have self

-control, and a better way to read that is, if

the unmarried cannot exercise self -control,

let them marry. Let them get married. He says,

for it's better to marry than to burn. And by

the way, that's where the Greek text actually

ends. with the word burn, but most translations

add a phrase just to clarify. It's better to

marry than to burn with passion or burn with

desire. Now, there's a whole bunch of things

we need to unpack here. First, again, being unmarried

and celibate is good, but it's also commendable

for a Christian to recognize his or her gifting,

his or her limitations, and get married if necessary.

Right? This is self -knowledge. This is understanding

our bodies and our hearts and our minds and saying,

look, I need to be married. Based on who I am,

I should be married. And then to have that marriage

serve as a godly protection against falling into

sexual sin. Because in God's eyes, it is certainly

better to marry and be sexually pure in that

marriage than to remain single and fall into

sin. Does that make sense? Now, we have to look

at this word burn for just a moment. Because

I can't tell you As somebody who counsels a lot

of young couples and does pre -engagement and

pre -marital counseling, how many times this

verse gets quoted to me as a justification to

race toward the marriage ceremony? I got to get

to the altar because I am burning up inside.

I kid you not. And sometimes I say it without

really understanding what's being communicated

here. Now I'm going to reach back into church

history and tell you what John Calvin said about

this. Much smarter guy than me. Calvin said this.

He said, it's one thing to burn and another to

feel heat. Let that sink in. And when he says

heat, here's what he means. The ordinary stirrings

of sexual desire that nearly all of us have,

which we shouldn't be ashamed of. That's part

of how God wired us, how he designed us, right?

So when you're attracted to somebody physically

and emotionally, and you feel the desire to get

married and to experience the oneness of sexual

expression with that one person, that is normal

heat. That is normal heat. In contrast, when

Paul says burn, he's talking about something

far stronger. He's talking about boiling over

with lust to the point where a person is so powerfully

driven that he or she cannot possibly maintain

purity. When they find the temptation to sexual

sin is completely disruptive to having a clear

conscience and a godly walk with Christ. That's

what he's referring to here. So being able to

discern heat from burning is important. And what

we don't want to do as Christians who are filled

and guided by the Holy Spirit is just to throw

up our hands and say, wow, I'm just powerless

in this. That is not a biblical concept. Oh,

I'm just powerless, right? And therefore, I have

to get raced to the altar and get married as

soon as possible. Friends, self -control is a

fruit of the Spirit's work in our lives. So rather

than just saying I'm powerless, better to take

the posture of, well, look, in this season where

I'm feeling that heat, I will focus on walking

by the Spirit so I don't carry out the desires

of the flesh. And I will pray to that end. And

I will ask for accountability to that end. And

I will exercise self -control. Because look,

remaining unmarried and celibate is not easy.

I don't want to give the impression to you that

I think that this is an easy thing. But please

know this as well. Marriage is not a therapeutic

escape from every temptation that's out there.

It's not. Marriage involves some hard things.

Covenant vows, sacrificial love, all kinds of

responsibilities. Lots of time and energy. And

yes, you ready for this? Marriage requires continued

self -control in the area of sexual passions.

Marriage doesn't solve all your problems. Racing

to the altar and just getting married is not

going to magically fix your disordered passions.

And so even in marriage, we have to not trust

that things are magically going to go away, but

we continue to exercise. Self -control. So Christians

shouldn't use this verse to justify rushing into

marriage without lots of consideration. Just

because he or she is struggling with self -control,

carefully weigh the benefits and the liabilities

of getting married. Be certain that you're saying

yes to a godly mate. Make sure that before you

say, I do. That you can say with genuine conviction

that getting married to this person is going

to enhance your love for Christ, enhance your

service for the kingdom, rather than constrain

it. There's a lot to be considered before we

race to the altar because I'm feeling like I'm

burning. Ooh, it got quiet. Now, what about those

who realize I don't think I have the gift of

singleness, but I still can't find a suitable

spouse out there. This is hard, right? That's

a difficult situation that is frustrating, that

can be lonely. And this is probably a whole other

sermon, but I will simply share some advice that

I heard Dr. MacArthur share many, many years

ago. He said something to the effect of this.

Men, instead of looking for the right woman,

you start being the right man. Ladies, instead

of looking for the right man, Start being the

right woman. And in God's timing, the right man

and the right woman will recognize each other.

It's simple, right? But it's profound. In your

season of singleness, focus on your faithfulness

as a Christ follower. Put your energy into spiritual

growth and maturity, and then trust that God

has you. Don't make marriage the goal. Don't

make marriage the goal. Seek to love others in

the ways that God has designed you and gifted

you and let marriage, if it's God's will, take

care of itself. Amen? Okay, that was Paul's instruction

to group number one. Now let's look at the second

group. The second group he addresses, two married

believers. Look at verse 10. But to the married

I give instructions, not I but the Lord. Now

stop there for a moment. What is Paul saying

here about the source of his instruction? Very

simply, he's saying, look, I'm passing along

a command that has come straight from Jesus.

He talked about this while he was on the earth.

I'm just repeating what he said. And we already

looked at it. Matthew 5, Matthew 19. It's exactly

what he's going to say now in 1 Corinthians 7,

right? And as we look at verses 10 and 11, what

I want to do is separate the clauses here to

help us see what Paul is saying. Continuing in

verse 10, he says, I give instructions that the

wife should not leave her husband. Pause now.

Take out the next clause, which in the NAS and

the ESV is in parentheses, and then keep going.

And that the husband should not divorce his wife.

Here's what that looks like. See the two things?

The wife should not leave her husband. The husband

should not divorce his wife. Done. Simple, right?

Straightforward command. This is exactly what

Jesus said in the Gospels, right? What God has

joined together, man should not separate. Don't

do it. And by the way, if any of you out there

in Corinth run the impression that being single

and celibate puts you on a higher spiritual plane

and therefore I'm just going to divorce my Christian

spouse, Paul's like, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no. Do not do it. Do not divorce your

spouse. No Christian couple. should go into marriage

with that possibility in mind. Even in the heat

of conflict, we never drop the D word as a threat

to our spouse. You don't walk into marriage with

that possibility. You don't drop the D word in

the midst of a fight. Do not divorce one another.

We're to do everything possible to keep that

marriage healthy, vibrant, and on track towards

glorifying God in every way. And when we run

into bumps along the way, which happens to every

single couple, me included. When we run into

bumps, we employ biblical principles, and if

necessary, we bring in wise counsel, and we work

through that conflict, and we fight for resolution

and reconciliation. We don't drop the D word

and move in that direction. By the way, some

interpreters, in my opinion, make a mistake here

when they say that Paul is talking about two

different things, when he says the wife leaving

and the husband divorcing. Yes, it's true that

Paul does use two different verbs here, but the

verb charizo, the verb for leave, it can be translated

as divide, separate, or divorce. And the verb

for divorce here technically means to send away.

So although he's using two different words, Paul

is continuing to lay out in this chapter mutual

obligations for both husband and wife. What I

command to the man, I command to the woman, and

vice versa. Do not divorce, do not divorce. Make

sense? Wives do not divorce your husbands. Husbands

do not divorce your wives. Again, that is the

core rule that Jesus laid down in his teaching

while he was on the earth. Make sense? You with

me? Now, obvious note, obvious note, Paul doesn't

include the concession that Jesus gave for adultery

here, for sexual unfaithfulness. And I think

I can guess why. This is a little bit of speculation.

But considering how fleshly the Corinthians were,

his audience, and how rampant divorce was in

that culture, I think what he wants to do here

is I'm going to stay focused on the rule and

not go to the concession. Because I don't want

to open that door to these guys. They're already

messed up enough. So he's going to stick to that

rule. And you can almost, if he had laid down

the concession, you can almost picture the Corinthian

men going, oh, okay, so there's a loophole, is

there? And Paul's not willing to do that right

now. He's trying to fix the mess in this city.

Now let's come back to the clause that's in parentheses

in verse 11. But if she does leave, again referring

to divorce, she must remain unmarried or else

be reconciled to her husband. Here's the question

that gets raised. If Paul is strictly saying

do not divorce, why does he then leave this possibility

open to disobey? And I think the answer is historical.

For one reason or another, some believers in

the Corinthian church had already done this.

They'd already sent their spouse away, already

divorced them before they got this letter from

Paul. And so Paul's now looking at the situation

and saying, okay, what next? How do I instruct

these people now that they've made this big mistake?

If either Christian spouse has divided the marriage

and broken the marriage covenant, Paul says,

look, you've only got two options now. Here's

what comes next. You've got two options. Number

one, remain unmarried for the rest of your life.

Or go back and be reconciled to your spouse and

start over again. That's it. There's no third

option. There's no, well, I'll find somebody

else. No. No, no, no, no, right? Your covenant,

marriage covenant, is still in effect. You had

no legitimate grounds for breaking that marriage

union, so God says, no, that covenant that I

affirmed is in effect. I haven't recognized that

divorce. So you're not free to remarry somebody.

And if you disregard this principle and say,

well, and man, how many times have I heard this?

Well, you can't tell me I actually have to be

alone for the rest of my life. And if you go

out there and disobey because, well, you just

don't think you can survive alone, if you disobey,

you become an adulterer in God's eyes. And that

person you marry, you make them an adulterer

because your marriage covenant is still in effect.

And the divorce is not recognized. The state

might recognize it, but God hasn't. And guys,

this should be sobering for those of us in the

church today, right? This is a sobering thing.

Lest any of us think, well, you know, I can get

married and there's always an easy way out. Not

in God's way of seeing things. Not if you profess

to be a Christ follower, no. There is no easy

way out. God's not going to endorse your divorce

because, well, I just don't want to be married

to this person anymore. He's not going to look

the other way. He's a witness. He's a witness

to you and the wife of your youth. So be wise

and be slow in choosing a spouse. It is a permanent

covenant designed to last a lifetime. All right?

Third group's in sight now. Verse 12. Third group.

Verse 12. But to the rest I say, not the Lord.

Okay, got to pause again. It's hard to overstate

how much confusion that little statement has

made over the centuries. And it shouldn't be

confusing because it's actually not that difficult

to understand. It comes in light of what Paul

wrote just two verses earlier. Remember what

he said? I give you instructions, not I but the

Lord, meaning Jesus taught on this. All he's

doing here is flipping that formula around. He's

saying, I say not the Lord because during his

days on the earth, Jesus didn't address this

specific circumstance. Okay? He's just flipping

the formula around. So he's saying, look, so

now I'm going to reveal to you new apostolic

commands. And as soon as you say that, some people

freak out. They freak out. They're like, oh,

wait, are you telling me this is just Paul's

opinion and it's not divine truth? Absolutely

not. Of course not. Paul is still being carried

along by the Holy Spirit as he writes this. So

everything he's about to write is just as inspired

as everything he's written in chapters one through

six. Okay, good. By the way, the red letters

in your Bible are not more inspired than the

rest of God's word. Just because Jesus said them,

right? It's all the word, which is who? It's

Jesus. Okay. Verbal plenary inspiration. You

theology students. You know what I'm talking

about. Okay, back to verse 12 now. Jesus didn't

teach on this, but I, Paul, say this, that if

any brother, meaning a Christian, has a wife

who is an unbeliever and she consents to live

with him, he must not divorce her. And then we

see the mutual command in verse 13. And a woman

who has an unbelieving husband, if he consents

to live with her, she must not send her husband

away. Again, referring to divorce. So here we

have what we call an unequally yoked marriage.

Raise your hand if you've heard that term. Okay.

The best way to describe this is to put a picture

of these animals on the screen. Those are two

animals being yoked together. I literally said

to Tanya last night, I'm like, should we put

Jeff and Tanya up there? And my discerning wife

was like, please don't make me a cow. Anyway,

so that's what it means to be yoked together.

That's where that phrase comes from. How important

is it for those two animals to work together

if they're going to get anything done? Can you

imagine what would happen if both those animals

decided to go in different directions? It's chaos,

and it's unfruitful. So in a spiritual sense,

we're told to avoid being unequally yoked in

Scripture. Remember in Malachi 2, don't marry

foreign, unbelieving women. God is upset. You've

profaned his covenant, right? And then Paul in

2 Corinthians 6, Tells the church why this is

so offensive. He says, do not be bound or yoked

together with unbelievers. For what partnership

have righteousness and wickedness? Or what fellowship

has light with darkness? What harmony is Christ

with Satan? Or what is a believer in common with

an unbeliever? Look, I know there's a lot of

unbelievers out there that are really sweet people.

I'm not saying that they're not. All I'm saying

is that a believer and unbeliever do not share

the same values and priorities. They don't share

the same ability to discern truth and wisdom.

Their entire worldviews and foundations for living

are going to be different. So like those two

oxen bound together, they're going to be trying

to go in different directions. And it just doesn't

work. So don't do it. Don't do it. Heed the wisdom

of Scripture. And for the young men and women

in this room, I'm going to expand that principle

to dating. Do not date somebody who's unequally

yoked with you. How many Christians have acknowledged

this principle in scripture, but then they meet

a non -believer and they fall in love, right?

And their emotions and feelings get away from

them. And they're like, but I know the principle.

We're just dating. We're not going to get married.

Guess what? They start walking down that road

and they give their hearts away. And then suddenly

they're in a crisis that's very difficult to

walk away from. We call this missionary dating,

and it's not a good idea. It's dangerous, right?

It's dangerous because when that moment of crisis

comes and you know you've got to turn away from

it, it's really, really difficult. And if you're

unable to turn away and you make the disobedient

choice to marry the unbeliever thinking this,

well, you know what? I'll witness to them. I'll

bring them to church. I'll get them saved. That

is not in your control. That is above your pay

grade. Do not trust in that. More often than

not, that unequally yoked marriage, and I can

say this after more than 25 years in ministry

and having to minister to people in those relationships,

that is oftentimes a constant struggle that is

filled with nothing but suffering and heartbreak.

So don't walk down that road. Now, in the case

of the Corinthians, it's likely that Paul is

addressing a slightly different type of situation

where a couple got married and both of them were

pagans. And they shared a lifestyle. They were

equally yoked as pagans. But then one of them

got saved. The gospel came, and they came into

union with Christ, but the other one didn't.

And the question is, now what? Given the prevailing

environment in Corinth, the Christian spouse

might be tempted to say, well, I will just divorce

my unbelieving spouse. That'll make me more acceptable

to the Lord. That'll purify me. That will cease

me from defiling myself because they're an unbeliever.

But Paul says, no, absolutely not. Do not do

that. If the unbelieving spouse is willing to

live with you, don't break that union. In fact,

as the person in the marriage who possesses the

joy of knowing God, you should do all you can

to confirm the permanence of that marriage for

the sake of your unbelieving husband and for

the sake of your children. You should fight for

permanence in that marriage. That's what Paul

goes on to say in verse 14. Look at verse 14.

For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through

his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified

through her believing husband. Otherwise, your

children are unclean, but now they're holy. Wow,

that's a big statement. Now let's talk about

what Paul's not saying here. By using the words

sanctified and holy, he's not saying that somehow

the unbelieving spouse or the children are just

magically saved or involuntarily saved. There's

not even a promise here that someday they will

be saved. That would be contrary to what we know

Scripture tells us about salvation. Both of these

words, sanctified and holy, come from the same

Greek root, hagios. They basically mean the same

thing. And the specific verb for sanctified,

hagiadzo, has a range of meaning and application

depending on context. And we've already looked

at this before in 1 Corinthians. In some places,

sanctified does mean to purify or to cleanse

from sin. But in other places, like this one,

it simply means something that is set apart for

God's purposes. Set apart for God's purposes.

So what Paul's saying in verse 14 is this. The

presence of a believing man or woman in the home

means that others in that family are blessed.

They're blessed because they experience the influence

of that believer's sanctified life. Now remember,

Paul's dealing with Christians in Corinth who

were thinking about divorcing their unbelieving

spouses because they thought they might be defiled

by them. Paul's saying the opposite. He's saying,

no, no, no, no. Not only are you not defiled

by the presence of your unbelieving spouse, But

the opposite is true. Your unbelieving partner

and your children are sanctified in the eyes

of God by your presence in their lives. It's

a total reversal of what the Corinthians were

thinking. He's like, so stay there. Be that sanctifying

influence in the life of your spouse and your

kids. He is reordering their thinking completely

on this. And look, for any believer who finds

himself or herself in this situation, first of

all, it's really hard. We got married as pagans

and then I got saved, but my husband or wife

isn't there with me. That's a really, really

hard situation to be in. But if you find yourself

in that, what you have to do is now embrace that

challenge. Embrace that weighty responsibility

to be a light in the midst of that family. I

know it's hard. I know it's heavy. But this is

your challenge now, your testimony, your conduct,

your attitude, your words, the discipline that

you show. Those things have an impact on any

unbeliever in your household. They're watching

you, and you represent Christ. Your goal in your

prayer life should focus on becoming that sanctifying

influence in their lives. Now, that doesn't mean

it's all on you, because God is sovereign, right?

And there are many things that he'll control

that you can't control. And he's ultimately going

to bring about his will in the lives of your

family. But still, embrace that challenge and

that responsibility to be a sanctifying influence

in the home. By the way, in some cases, it doesn't

matter how godly you are, it won't make a difference.

And I've seen this too many times in my ministry

career. The unbelieving spouse, no matter how

godly the believer is, just continues to reject

Christ, continues to push away any sense of their

testimony or church life. And man, that's an

ongoing struggle. It's a really hard thing. So

when we have people in the body who have found

themselves in this situation, will you hold them

up in prayer? Will you come alongside them in

practical ways and love on them? Because they

are going through it. And it's a hard thing.

Still, this truth remains. Don't seek to dissolve

that marriage, Paul says. Don't do it. If your

unbelieving spouse is willing to stay, let them

stay and then work from the inside. You are an

insider agent of change, of influence, right?

Try to move them towards Christ. And as you do

that, don't manipulate the situation. Don't try

to over -control it. Don't compromise. Stand

firm in the truth and trust God's sovereign will.

that he will do a work. God can be glorified

in this kind of mixed marriage, and yes, it's

possible that he will use you and your influence

to bring your unbelieving spouse to salvation.

It's possible. God can do that. Pray to that

end, amen? Okay, we're almost done, I promise

you. I'm gonna take a drink. One last situation

we have to address. Look at verse 15. This is

what we call the abandonment principle. Verse

15. Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, And again,

that refers to separation and a divorce. If the

unbeliever wishes to dissolve the marriage, Paul

says what? Let them leave. Is that surprising?

First time I read that when I was a young believer,

I was surprised by that. You mean let them go?

Yeah, that's what he says. If they want out,

which I guarantee that was happening in Corinth

in the first century, Paul says let them go.

Right? Pagan couple gets married. They're living

that pagan lifestyle. One of them comes to Christ.

And imagine that relationship, once they come

to Christ, looks completely different. And the

unbeliever's like, I didn't sign up for this.

It's actually fairly understandable. And they

say, I don't support it. I don't like it. I don't

want any part of it. I'm gone. Paul says, let

them go. They're going to abandon the marriage.

They're going to file for divorce. Paul says,

let them go. Now, let me say this. It should

be the godliness of the believer that causes

that reaction. Because you're standing firm for

Christ. It should not be the believing spouse

acting in some demanding, insensitive, ungodly

way, which drives the unbeliever away. I've seen

that too. Where really what happens is, I want

this person gone. They're not initiating the

divorce, so I'll just become an absolute jerk.

I'll just become a miserable spouse and drive

them away. Uh -uh. Be really careful. God is

a witness. It's your godly life, your stand for

Christ, that draws this contrast between light

and darkness. And that person says, I don't want

that. And they initiate the divorce. That's true

abandonment. Does that make sense? So if the

unbeliever abandons the marriage, Paul says,

let him go. Look at verse 15. He says that brother

or sister is no longer under bondage, meaning

that marriage covenant in God's eyes has now

been broken and they are free to marry someone

else. Okay, so this is an important concession,

right? And then Paul tells us the reason why

we should let him go because he has called us

to peace. So make sure that you've done all you

can to love your spouse and keep that marriage

alive. Make sure it's not your actions and attitudes

that push them away. Make sure your conscience

is clear in all of those respects. And then still,

if they want to go, let them go because they

left you, because they initiated the divorce,

and your conscience is clear before the Lord.

That, Paul says, is the peaceful way to handle

it. Don't stay in the home and aggressively resist

the whole thing and just... create chaos in your

home where there's constant anger and fighting

and quarreling, that is not the way of peace.

Let them go. And then in the final verse for

the morning, Paul addresses an objection that

maybe came to your mind as we were talking about

this. I've literally heard this before. Somebody

says, well, look, if I let my unbelieving spouse

go, how's he going to come to a saving knowledge

of Christ? If I let him go, I lose the opportunity

to keep witnessing to him. Paul literally addresses

it in verse 16. He says, well, how do you know,

O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or

how do you know, O husband, whether you will

save your wife? In other words, don't ignore

this teaching because you think you're the only

one out there who can lead this person to Christ.

You can't control that, Paul says. I know you

think you can, that's our human nature, but it's

outside of your power, so don't rely on it. Let

them go. You're free to remarry as long as you

marry a believer. Caveat, right? Right? Okay.

And if God desires to redeem your ex -wife or

your ex -husband in the future, he is capable

of raising up the right instrument and the right

circumstance to bring them to saving faith. You

don't have to try to control that. You can trust

him. Okay. We have to end there because I'm already

running super late and Grant's like, are we done

yet? We are. Let me just say this, guys. Again,

I can't answer every possible nuance to this

subject. These are the general principles. If

you have a question on any of this or you want

to come up and say, I need some wisdom, will

you either find me after the service today or

reach out this week? I'd love to chat with you

more about it. Let's bow our heads for now. Oh,

Father, our... Our hearts are so complicated.

And our desires and our wants are so easily directed

by sin. And Father, I know that none of this

surprises you, but these are hard principles

for us because we want what we want. And so as

we study these instructions, these commands that

you've given us, Lord, I pray. for each one of

us that we would search our own hearts and be

honest with ourselves about either being single

right now or being unmarried right now or being

in a marriage relationship that's in conflict.

Lord, would your spirit cause us to search our

hearts and to lay our consciences before you

and ask the hard questions at your throne of

grace. Am I being a godly spouse? Where do I

need to change? Where do I need to be transformed

by your spirit? We trust you to do that work

in us, Lord, and pray that for myself as well.

So, Father, thank you for a time in the word,

and thank you for a chance now to respond in

singing, singing praises to your name. Help us

to do that well. For your glory and our good

we pray. Amen.