Episode 47: On Razaullah

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I said don't bowl fulla, especially to Raza Ullah.

Don't bowl fulla, especially to Razaullah.

I said don't bowl fullah, especially to Raza Ulla.

Ooh Good morning, Trevor.

Yes, yes, uh yeah, yes, you caught me singing there.

Yes, that was my my yes, that was my tribute to young Mr Raza Ullah.

Yes, I agree.

He was a breath of fresh air, wasn't he?

How are you this morning, Trevor?

That's excellent news.

I I'm glad to hear that you are fair to middling.

I must say you're looking resplendent in your Newbury three hundred sixties again.

That's excellent to see.

Uh the pimples.

Yes, the pimples, I can see those.

And Oh your hair looks lovely, yes, Trevor.

Looks super obviously cut last week and growing out now, but still looks absolutely lovely.

And what's that, Trevor?

Oh good.

I I well I'm delighted to hear that you're wearing your jock strap.

Uh right, under your trousers.

Even better, Trevor.

I would be slightly concerned if you were wearing it above your trousers.

Thank you very much, Trevor.

Yes, lovely to see you too.

Yes, yes, Trevor.

Your your shoes, yes.

The 360s, the Newbury 360s look absolutely lovely.

Don't bowl fulla, especially to Raza Ullah.

I said don't bowl fulla, especially to Raza Ulla.

Ooh, good morning, Mrs.

Jackson.

Ooh, you seem to have brought a friend along with you this week.

Yes, excellent.

What's her name?

Ah, Mrs.

Peterson, how lovely, how lovely to meet you.

It's a lovely name.

Lovely name takes me back to 2005 and the the oval test match where Mr Peterson, of course, scored that magnificent 100.

Well it was actually 158, but he played very, very well.

What what brings you here, Mrs.

Peterson?

Ah, Mrs.

Jackson has talked about the service so much that you you just thought you had to pop along?

Well well that's lovely to hear.

Lovely to hear.

Well done, Mrs.

Jackson.

Well done for bringing Mrs.

Peterson a new member of the congregation.

Do excuse me both if you could take your seats.

I must take this call.

I do apologise, but I must take this call.

Hello, the boycott Vicarage helpline.

How can I help you?

Hello Hello, this is the Boycott Vicarage Helpline.

How can I help you?

Hello I'm I'm ringing 'cause I'm slightly worried about Ollie Pope.

You're worried about Ollie Pope.

What w why why are you worried about Oli Pope, madam?

Well I was watching and listening to the live stream of the Sussex vs.

Surrey game, and it must have been approaching about I would say eighteen minutes past four and all of a sudden Ollie Pope came onto bowl wearing very big sunglasses.

And and I have to say he is a player I admire greatly, a wonderful batter, also a wonderful young man.

But he bought one of the worst overs I've ever seen.

And and I'm wearing his big sunglasses.

Ah yes, madam, I I I I can explain this one to you, and there's nothing to worry about.

He's absolutely fine, but but I think he was brought on because nobody else really wanted to bowl, and they were just trying to hurry through till twenty past four so they could shake hands and call the game a draw.

Ah, that's that's good to know.

Now can you assure me that Olipope will never bowl again?

Um well I I can't assure you that he will never bowl again, but uh I wouldn't think he'll be top of the list if that makes you feel better.

Well I'm very pleased to hear that, and I also noticed that uh there was that um young Mr Chahar as well, who's a bit of a rock star, isn't he?

Bit of a rock star.

He seemed to be encouraging Olipope with his bowling, and I feel that that is why Pope Pope was wearing his sunglasses.

Yes, I I think you're probably right, yes, Rahul Chahar, I think, was enjoying the bowling of O Pope.

And um I can assure you, as I say, that that that that that might not happen again.

Ah okay, well thank you very much.

You've made me feel a lot better.

I'm glad to hear that he's okay.

Bye bye!

You're still here, Mrs.

Jackson and Mrs.

Peterson.

Were you listening to that phone call?

Oh, you were, and you were also worried about O Pope, because you watched his over as well.

Well, please don't worry about him, he's absolutely fine.

Anyway, ladies, would you would you please please make your way to your seats?

Thank you, because I can hear the music, and we are ready to get the Sunday service underway.

Can we all welcome Mrs.

Peterson, who is joining us for the first time having come with Mrs.

Jackson?

Allow me to start with an update from our friend in Blackheathshire.

For those who missed last week's service or looking at nobody in particular, Reg may have been asleep when I mentioned it, Blackheathshire made the Village Sunday Cup final last Sunday, but their captain had got married the night before in North Waleshire.

The cricketing world had club together to book them a helicopter, them being himself and his lovely wife, and after all of that, Captain Peter put in a fine performance scoring 48 runs and taking one wicket, although his team eventually lost.

Well done to everybody involved and well done to everybody who helped fund the helicopter, including one Piers Morgan.

Now, back to the professional game this week.

I trust you all enjoyed your week of watching County Championship and Test Match cricket once again.

Wasn't the last test fun?

Just as England fans were bemoaning the lack of competition, up steps Raza Ullah.

Pakistan were on the verge of a third consecutive crushing defeat, then their number 10 stepped up and broke record upon record.

Highest 10th wicket stand in England by two town enders, most sixes scored in a test innings in England, most sixes by any player on debut, fastest 50 by a Pakistan player on debut.

It was quite some innings, a joy to watch, a breath of fresh air.

Ooh, and the other thing to mention is he bowled absolute rocket.

Unfortunately, England spoiled the party by winning by eight wickets, but Mr Razarullah is a breath of fresh air.

Now, the county game also delivered the goods this week.

Nottinghamshire, Warwickshire and Somersetshire all won this week, which means the gap between first and third is now just five points.

The county championship has never been more exciting.

We now also know who one of the division's new teams will be next year.

Durham put in yet another fine performance to beat Middlesex in Chesterley Streetshire, notable performances coming from Ben McKinney and his 184, and Bryden Cass with his 5 for 72, and following Kent's defeat to Lancashire, the Northeastern Outfit have been confirmed as Division II champions.

I must say, very richly deserved indeed, and very good for Mr Scott Borthwick during his testimonial year.

In the women's game, there were some fantastic chases as well.

Holly Armitage's hundred led Durham to a four wicket win, chasing down the 280 set by Warwickshire in under 46 overs.

But the most enthralling, exciting, and entertaining game of the year came from the Oval Shire, where Surrey won a head-to-head match against Somersetshire for their final Eliminator place.

With just three balls left in the match and nine wickets down, Kate Kopak managed to steer her team over the line in an absolute thriller, and it will be Surrey against Hampshire on Wednesday down in Southamptonshire in the Eliminator.

Talking of enthralling, exciting, and entertaining, let's start today's service as always with a hymn.

Your order of service and hymn book shall be found as usual in the pocket of the pew in front of you or digitally on Twitter at Sundayservice22.

So please all stand as we will sing our first hymn together.

And as always, our first hymn is Amazing Grace.

Don't bowl Fuller, especially to Raza Ullah.

Why, you may well ask, am I starting with these words?

Well, we all witnessed the fireworks from Pakistan's debutant at Edgewiston on Friday afternoon stroke evening.

Let me repeat those words.

Don't bowl Fulla, especially Tarazaullah.

Now, as you all know, the Parish Eleven does not like to highlight individual performances, but I fear this is necessary this morning.

I returned to Boycott Vicarage on Friday evening from Sussexhire, and as I walked into the Vicarage, the Vicarage phone rang.

I of course thought it might be for the helpline, but there on the other end of the phone was Rex.

Rex, would you please stand and come to the front of the church?

Thank you, Rex.

And Rex, what did you say to me?

That's right.

You said I think Razaullah has inspired me for our game tomorrow against the husbands and partners of the ladies of the parish of Knobly on the World Women's Institute, or the HPLP KWWI eleven as they are also known.

And what did I reply, Rex?

That's right.

I replied don't bowl fuller, especially to Raza Ullah.

Well, yesterday the HPLP KWWI 11 won the toss and batted first.

They posted a competitive 240 for seven with Reg taking five wickets before falling asleep down at Long Leg in his borrowed Newbury 360s.

Reg thankfully awoke just after the tea break and would have seen Rex striding to the middle holding Excalibur in his hand and a look of grim determination on his face.

Reg made it back to the pavilion for some of Mrs.

Bartholomew's sandwiches as Rex took his guard.

The HP L P KWI 11 is renowned as having a particularly quick bowler, who is also the husband of the president of the parish of Knobby on the World Women's Institute.

Well, he opened the bowling and charged down the slope and released his first missile to Rex.

It was on a length, just outside the off stump, and with the words Don't Bowl Fuller, especially to Razaullah, ringing in his ears, Red Schwung Excalibur made contact, and the ball soared over extra cover for six.

The husband of the president of the parish of Knobly on the World Women's Institute stood in disbelief, as did Rex and everybody at the ground.

It was Rex's first six that he has ever hit.

In fact, Rex, I don't think you'll mind me saying it is just about the only delivery you have ever hit.

The husband of the president of the parish of Knobley on the World Women's Institute then turned round, marched back to the top of his mark, and charged in again down the hill.

His next missile was again on a good length and Rex swung Excalibur once again, missed the ball and had his middle stump knocked clean out of the ground.

Rex made his way back to the pavilion, and then unfortunately we were bowled out for just twenty.

But Rex, the reason I have brought you to the front of the church this morning is I have to say to you, I have never been prouder.

Yes, we lost our last game by the small matter of 220 runs, but your shot and your channelling of Raza Ullah summed up why our parish is so special.

Rex, I'm going to be honest with you now, and you do know this.

You are a dreadful batter, and an even more dreadful wicket keeper.

But I and everyone in the team will always remember that shot, and it's moments like that which make us love our beautiful game.

Now, Rex, please stop blushing and you can go back to your seat and thank you for bringing Excalibur.

So the Parish Eleven lost their final game of the season yesterday, but that doesn't matter.

We have had a tremendous season, and I speak for all of us when I say we are very proud of your efforts, especially at the bar in the Badgers Googly after games.

In fact, Ted tells me the members of the HPLPKW eleven enjoyed a wonderful evening last night, and it was a surprise when the ladies of the parish of Knobby on the World Women's Institute arrived at eleven PM in a minibus to drag the team home, to much protesting, mainly from you, Mrs.

Watts.

I was so pleased to be back to witness our final game alongside young Mr Gomberts after we had both had busy weeks away from the parish.

Mr Gomberts was in the parish of the North East to witness Duramshire's promotion back to the first division of the County Championship, and I was in the parish of Hove for Surreyshire's draw against Sussexhire.

We both sincerely apologise for not being at the meeting on Wednesday night about your designs for the parish Burbath, but we will be in the village hall this afternoon and are keenly anticipating your ideas.

This is a shorter sermon this week, because I would now like you all to sit quietly for a moment and think of Rex swinging Excalibur and launching the ball over the covers for six.

Please sit quietly now.

Thank you.

It was a magnificent shot, wasn't it?

And summed up why we all love our beautiful game.

And if you would allow me, I will finish with the words of Al Pacino in the movie motion picture any given Sunday, because I feel it encapsulates the Parish Eleven and our parish as a whole.

The inches we need are everywhere around us.

They're in every break of the game, every minute, every second.

We know when we add up all those inches, that's going to make the rude word difference between winning and losing.

Rex, you won yesterday even though we didn't.

And that means an awful lot to everyone sitting here today at today's service.

Hello everyone, just Rumble here, and welcome to Cricket in Three with WG.

There's something about September that I've always found a little bit depressing.

You spend all winter waiting for the cricket season to start.

April comes around and suddenly your weekends are full again.

You're at the club, you're playing or watching or coaching or scoring.

You're having a drink afterwards.

You're seeing the same people every week.

And then almost without you really noticing it, it just stops.

And I think we probably underestimate what club cricket actually gives us.

Obviously we love the cricket, that's why we're there in the first place.

But after a while it becomes about much more than what happens between the first ball and the last.

It's the people really.

It's knowing that on Saturday you're going to see your mates.

You'll have a coffee or a pint, you'll stand around the pavilion talking complete rubbish for half an hour, or several hours.

Someone will be complaining about their batting, someone else will be telling you about the catch they nearly took.

It's all those little things.

And actually, they're probably more important than we realise.

Because you can have a rubbish week, work might have been awful, you might have stuff going on at home, you might be having one of those weeks when you're just not feeling particularly good about life.

But you turn up at the cricket club, and for a few hours you've got something else to think about.

Someone needs you to bowl an over, you're trying to work out where to put the field, someone's dropped a catch and getting absolutely slaughtered for it.

There's an argument about whether the ball carried.

And it sounds trivial, but that's the point.

You're there with people, your people.

You're involved in something.

I think we sometimes make mental health support sound like it has to be a big conversation or some sort of formal intervention.

Sometimes it's just about having somewhere to go, having a reason to get out of the house, having people who know you, and having people who actually notice if you're not there.

That's one of the things I love about cricket clubs.

You don't necessarily have to say anything, you just turn up and you're part of it.

But then September comes along, and you suddenly realise that this thing, which has been part of your life every week since April, has disappeared.

And that can be a bigger shock than you expect.

The WhatsApp messages start to dry up.

There's no team to pick, you're not checking the weather on a Friday afternoon, you're not wondering about whether it might rain.

And you're not seeing all those people.

You've been seeing it every week for the last five months.

Of course the club suddenly doesn't just shut its doors.

There are winter nets, dinners, meetings, and all the other things that go on behind the scenes.

But it's different.

I think that's something that clubs probably need to think about.

Not in some grand organised way, just keep people coming in, open the bar, have a quiz, get a curry organised.

Watch an overseas tour game together.

Give people an excuse to come down and see one another.

Because for some people that might actually matter quite a lot.

It might be the difference between having something in the diary and having months and months where we can suddenly feel very empty.

And I suppose that's what I'll miss when the season finishes.

It's not just the cricket itself, it's that feeling of walking through the gate and knowing that you're going to see people you like.

And perhaps that's one of the best things that club cricket gives us.

So when the season finally finishes, don't just disappear until April.

Go and see your mates.

Because club cricket might have stopped, but the club doesn't have to thank you to WG.

Now Mr Gombers will read a passage from the good book.

Today's reading is following the events of Friday evening, whereby the Pakistan tale put up quite the fight.

So today's reading comes from the Book of the Nighthawk, 180 for 8, as Mother Cricket speaks to the young tailender who doesn't want to practice his batting.

She said, Not everybody bowleth, but every player must work in the field, and every player must apply themselves with the bat.

Thou mayest batteth down the order, yet your job is as important as those whom batteth at the top.

Thou must be prepared for every situation.

Thou mayest be required to watcheth the night.

Thou mayest be asked to free thy arms, and thou mayest also be required to dig in and soaketh up the pressure.

The role of an end of the tale batter requires much skill.

Yet this responsibility often is abandoned.

But, young tail ender, one of the game's greatest sights is to see an end of the tale batter apply thyself, and it is these stories that are told around the pavilions of the world.

Here endeth the reading.

Please now will you join me as we bow our heads in prayer?

Dearest Mother Cricket, we thank you for the spectacle you facilitated on Friday evening, of bulls flying to all parts of Birmingham, and a young end of the tale taking on the bowler.

It truly is and shall always remain one of the game's greatest sights.

May we all remember never to bowl fuller to razaula.

In swingers and googlies, how's that?

I ask you now all to stand as we sing our next hymn, number six hundred and fifty-five.

I now invite everybody to take part in the cutting of the sandwiches and the drinking of the squash.

As you come to the front and answer this cricketing question.

Thank you, up you come, up you all come.

Thank you, Mrs.

Peterson.

The first time you've been up to the front, that's lovely, with Mrs.

Jackson, that's super.

Yes, up you come, and here come Mrs.

Bartholomew and also Mrs.

Watts.

So young Mr Gombert's question from last week, and just a reminder everybody, this is to win a pair of Newbury batting gloves.

They are the most beautiful batting gloves and can also be used for gardening purposes, I think, if you really, really wanted to, and probably taking a hot baking tray out of the oven.

But Mrs Watts, please don't use them to try and play the piano in the badger's googly, as I said last week, and if anybody is considering considering microsurgery, please don't perform micro surgery wearing the Newbury batting gloves because I think it might cause an issue.

So Mr Gombert's question from last week was this Northamptonshire were bowled out for just fifty last week.

The question was, what is the lowest county championship team total of all time?

The answer and there may be some conflicting sources, but this is the one we're going with.

It's Northamptonshire, who were bowled out in their match against Gloucestershire in nineteen oh seven for just twelve runs.

Yes, just twelve runs, so well done to the Parish Eleven.

You better Northamptonshire with your twenty runs in our final game of the season yesterday.

Anybody who got that question right, your name has gone in the hat for a pair of the batting gloves.

Now this week's question is this one.

Pakistans Razaullah hit nine sixes in an innings, which is a record for the most sixes hitting one innings in a test match in England.

But this record is tied.

With whom is Razaullah tied with his nine sixes in an innings.

Mrs.

Watts, put your hand down, please.

You won't know the answer to this, Mrs.

Watts.

No, you won't know the answer to this.

What's that, Mrs.

Watts?

Whisper it to me, whisper it to me.

Oh, you do know the answer to this.

Well done, Mrs.

Watts, but don't say it loudly.

Thank you, Mrs.

Watts.

Well done to you there.

Now, for those listening on the recording and therefore not able to be at the front of the church, you can send in your answer by email to Sundayservice Cricket at gmail.com or you can tweet us on at Sundayservice twenty two.

And those from the parish of Newbury have also released a bespoke discount code for members of our parish.

Just use Sundayservice fifteen and get fifteen per cent off at www.newberry.co.uk excluding bespoke bats.

And why not treat yourselves to some premium gear and quality willow?

Now, refreshments will be at the back of the church and I look forward to catching up with all of you there.

And there is a collection pay currently going around, so please do give what you can.

I would love during the week for you to get in touch with this with your own cricketing stories, of course.

We can't keep on top of everything, myself and Mr.

Gomberts, because it's very, very busy.

So please let us know what you've been up to during the week by emailing us on SundayserviceCricket at gmail.com or messaging us on Twitter at Sundayservice22.

Thank you to all of you for coming along to the service today, especially to Mrs.

Peterson, our new member of the congregation.

And if you've enjoyed yourselves, please do tell other members of the parish to come along with you next week and expand our cricketing family.

Until next Sunday, when you come out and you see Razaullah at the other end, 22 yards away.

Please remember, don't bowl fuller, especially to Raza Ullah.

Until next week, everybody, bat well, bat very, very well.

Goodbye.

Thank you so much for coming along today.

I do hope you enjoyed the service.

You did?

Well that is excellent news, and we'll be seeing you next week.

Oh definitely seeing you next week.

Because you want to meet young Mr Gomberts.

Mrs.

Bartholomew and Mrs.

Watts have told you a lot about him, have they?

Oh that's excellent, that is excellent news.

Sorry, what's that, Mrs.

Peterson?

No, I don't believe he will be wearing shorts.

Ah, Mrs.

Watts has told you that Mr Gomberts always wears shorts to the service.

No no no no he won't be.

He won't be wearing shorts, Mrs.

Peterson.

I can assure you of that.

But he will be back next week, so that is excellent news.

Yes, yes, Mrs.

Peterson.

I'm so glad you enjoyed yourself.

Have a have a lovely, lovely rest of your Sunday.

Yes, yes, thank you so much, Mrs.

Peterson.

And um yes, thank you so much for coming.

It's been an absolute joy to meet you, and you're much like your namesake, I have to say, with your hair.

Yes, yes, I I do like the purple print.

He had that when he got 158.

Yes, he did, yes, yes.

Anyway, Mrs.

Peterson, thank you for coming.

Thank you for coming.

Thank you.