Parenting with Patience

Take your Bible, turn over to Colossians chapter 3.

Colossians 3 · chapter mention

We're going to continue with our series.

We're going to move from the man and his wife's relationship

!

That's the reason in Genesis God told us to be fruitful and multiply.

He didn't tell that to just random people.

He told that to Adam and Eve.

Why?

Because he understood that that was the making of a family,

and a family was the place that young people are not brought up to be children.

They're brought up to be adults.

And as we parent, that's a big thing to understand.

You're not raising children.

You know, I think we have a generation around us.

You can see the results of people raising children.

We want to raise adults.

We want to raise those who are willing to go forth and to proclaim and stand for truth.

You know, it's great to see our young people grow up and go off and take a stand and to do what's right.

You know, it's a wonderful blessing to see those things.

And when we see here that his ideal was for parents to do that, to raise children who feared God, responsible adults.

You know, God's design was for that to happen.

And we all say that sounds pretty simple, right?

No, it's actually the most complex thing you're going to do.

And this morning we're going to talk about a very important part of that, and that's going to be parenting with patience.

You know what?

Patience is something that seems to run out pretty quick.

And when we grab a hold of that, because all we know is that parenting with patience is not easy.

Because I want you to understand, parenting with patience will do one of two things.

It'll either be the greatest gift you give as a parent, or the lack thereof could be one of the most destructive things.

That destruction carries about because parenting has challenges.

Every generation, parenting has challenges.

You know, sometimes we try to think that, you know, we're a generation facing something.

Well, really, we might face it differently.

But the pressures of raising a family, doing those things, are always been there.

That responsibility can get heavy sometimes.

And it can get distracting for us in our mind because we're focused upon the one thing of supplying.

And forget that as a parent, our primary isn't just supplying, but nurturing and raising up young people to be adults.

And to understand the importance of that, I think, is critical.

Because when parents are stretched to the limit, I mean, you think about the rainbow of activities.

I mean, you're going one direction, another direction, this wants this, this wants that.

You know what happens?

Pretty soon you're tired.

And if you're like me when you get tired, you know what?

It's very easy to be impatient.

To lose sight of some things because sometimes you might snap at something.

You know, you might bark out.

You might want to just let alone.

You know, and we need to remember those things that when we're running on reserves,

we have to go back and slow down and remember that God didn't call us to manufacture patience,

but to rely upon Him.

In those moments when you feel empty, we need to understand God offers His inexhaustible supply.

You know, we're going to look at a very brief verse this morning.

But yet it's a pretty packed verse.

And the reality of it is very clear because its weight is enormous

because it places between instructions for husbands and wives and children.

Because I want you to understand what we're talking about here might be patience in raising children,

but you know what?

Both parents need to have patience.

Even with one another.

And when we understand the implications here this morning,

we'll see this as we weigh it out.

And He's going to speak specifically to the fathers.

Because the father is the head of the home.

Now, that's not a popular statement, but it's a reality.

So goes the man, so goes the home.

It weighs upon us.

It's a responsibility that we ought to take seriously.

So if you found Colossians chapter 3 this morning, let's stand together.

Colossians 3 · chapter mention

As we read Colossians chapter 3, we look down here in verse 21.

Colossians 3 · chapter mention

Notice this powerful little verse.

It says this,

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger lest they be discouraged.

Let's pray.

Heavenly Father, as we come before you this morning, Lord,

as we just thank you and praise you for the day, for the opportunity,

as we look into your word here today for a few moments, Lord,

that we might just focus on the importance of patience.

Not just the idea of patience, but Lord, even looking at how you're patient with us.

Lord, we're thankful that you never get impatient with us.

That you are merciful and gracious to us.

Lord, help us be mindful of those things even amongst our own children and our families

and just even with one another.

Lord, that this, what we're looking at here this morning, Lord,

we know applies across many spectrums of life.

But Lord, help us to apply this even here today, Lord,

that we might know the importance of relying upon you

and seeing the importance of parenting with patience.

And Lord, we ask it all in your precious name.

Amen.

May we be seated.

You know, you think about the implications of this one verse.

This one verse will transform a family.

The application of this is critical to a family.

Its dynamics are there.

It begins, though, with a warning.

You know, think about here.

What it tells us is it begins here.

It says, fathers, provoke not.

It's given a warning here.

You know, to avoid harshness that discourages children.

You know, sometimes children feel unintentionally beat up because,

now, I want you to understand when I make this statement that kids will be kids.

I want to do it in the right context.

Let me put it another way.

The immature will act immature.

We need to understand when it's immaturity that needs to become maturity.

Because that's what we're working for.

When your children act immature, why do they do that?

Because they're not mature yet.

That's part of your process that you're doing.

Is you're raising them up, you're growing them up to maturity.

And so when somebody that's immature acts immature, it ought not to surprise you.

You know, it's kind of like I've said before.

What a lost sinner that denies God does, doesn't surprise me.

What surprises me is people who call upon the name of the Lord

and want to identify with the Lord some of the things that they do.

That bothers me way worse because they know better.

When we understand the implication here,

because the word provoke here means to stir up, to irritate,

or to breed resentment by constant friction.

You know, homes can be filled with friction.

But I want you to understand, what we're talking about here is not just like a single explosion.

Because sometimes you just get to your wit's end and you say or do something you shouldn't do.

A single time you can come and apologize.

Which you ought to do.

But when it becomes a pattern of constant friction,

it causes a heartache not only for you, but for the kids in a home.

When we see this being played out within families, even all around us,

it's this steady drip of harshness, criticism, inconsistency, and dismissal

that slowly fills a child's heart with bitterness.

You know, the problem today, we have a lot of bitter adults because they had bitter childhoods.

There was a bitterness of what happened because, as a parent,

we failed in having the right patience of representing who God is

and God's mercy that he had upon us.

You know, God's mercy upon us is something we ought to be thankful for.

When we understand that picture,

because, you know, there's a parallel passage

that we find over in Ephesians chapter 6 and verse 4,

Ephesians 6 · chapter mention

where Paul tells the church at Ephesus, he says,

and he says,

And ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath,

but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

You know, to do what God would have for you to do.

You know, when we understand that God gives us a command

to apply those things properly.

But, you know, one of the things that happens is sometimes

we put forth a lack of engagement as having patience.

You know, if you go to the Old Testament in Samuel,

1 Samuel, you'll find a man there by the name of Eli.

1 Samuel chapter 2 and chapter 3 talks about Eli.

1 Samuel 2 · chapter mention

Now, Eli rebuked his sons,

but the scripture says he restrained them not.

Chapter 3 and verse 13 tells us that his problem was,

is he restrained them not.

In other words, he spoke without enforcement.

You know what I think it was?

He told them and he didn't want the continued conflict.

And instead of having the patience to work it through,

he ignored it.

He let it go to avoid the conflict that was taking place.

You know, we want you to understand

that words are not just patience,

but it's the consistency that produces what we want to see.

Because Eli's failure was not cruelty,

it was a soft, permissive disengagement.

You know, you can be disengaged and be impatient

because you say, I don't want to face the challenge.

We need men and women of God that are going to stand up

and say, I'm going to face the challenge that's there,

not in my power, but in God's power.

To say, no matter what's before me,

I have a responsibility in that to do those things properly.

You know, when you think about it,

there's frustration that shows up in your parenting.

You know, that shows up in all sorts of ways,

like our tone.

You know what, your tone says more than even the words.

You know, I think sometimes we forget

how powerful your tone is.

The tone in which we use a word makes a difference.

To control our speech is critical.

To understand that dynamic, that picture that is before us,

your words are important,

but your availability is important.

You know, sometimes when we're frustrated,

we become disconnected.

I think Eli may have been frustrated with his sons,

and he just sort of disconnected.

Disengagement is another problem

because you have a responsibility

to patiently work through those things.

You know, I want to encourage you this week

when your patience comes to an end,

to take a moment to ask the Lord,

Lord, show me how to have what I need in this moment,

just as you've given to me that patience.

That you've shown towards me

because God is patient with us.

But secondly, we see in the last part of this verse,

here looking back in verse 21,

it tells us this.

It says,

lest they be discouraged.

You know, I want you to understand,

we ought not to discourage our children,

but to encourage and hope in them.

You know, when we realize the result Paul warns against

is the children being discouraged.

It means broken in spirit,

to lose heart.

You know, oftentimes kids can lose heart

because of their parents' actions.

How the home that they grew up in.

Because I want you to understand,

as a parent, your job,

your task in parenting

is not only to correct wrong,

but to inspire right.

You know, sometimes we forget that,

that it's not just,

you're wrong, you're wrong, you're wrong.

It's, this is what's right.

This is what's right.

This is what's right.

The kids need,

that's patient parenting.

When we understand,

the children need to know that they're loved,

they're capable and they're valued,

that they're believed in,

they need to hear it from their parents.

You know, we have a lot of broken kids today

because of parents that disengaged

or were impatient with the situations.

Now we're going to talk about that in just a moment

because if you live through that experience as a child,

it doesn't give you an excuse

to not do what's right now.

I want you to understand,

I'm not telling you you have a,

well, my parents were this or that.

It doesn't matter.

Take it as a learning experience

and say, I want to do something right.

I want to invest in that what's right.

I know what's wrong, now let me do right.

That's understanding with patience

to apply those things,

to take the good things.

But parenting, we know,

has changed even the mindset in our generation

because in our culture today,

we have an idea that parents

is totally contrary to what the Bible says

because, you know,

we went from a few generations ago

of extremely strict parenting.

I want you to understand,

over-strict parenting can be just as big a problem

as permissive parenting.

But you know what we seem to do?

We love doing this.

You know, the pendulum seems to never stop in the middle.

I want you to understand the extremes.

Usually when you have two extremes,

you can find the right place about the middle.

Because it's a balance of both.

Because you know why we swing extremes?

Because there's truth attached to it.

You know what?

In our generation,

we find that we went from strict rules

and authority without affection.

That harsh dynamic that was received as unloving

is no more biblical than what came after it

because culture shifted from a strict dynamic.

The pendulum swung so hard the other way

and it's landed.

You know what the official name for it

is called therapeutic parenting,

gentle parenting.

I want you to understand this approach

that makes the child's feelings and self-esteem

the center of everything.

You know what?

I want you to understand

that your child's feelings and self-esteem

are not the center of the universe.

Because what it's caused is kids

who think they are the center of the universe.

Well, mommy always treated me that way.

Then they get out in the real world

and they're like,

where'd this come from?

You know what?

Life's going to be hard

and you better prepare them

for what they're going to face.

But you need to do it in a loving way

that they can mature in that

because when we understand

that yes,

it was a counterbalance

to over strictness

without relationship and love

to saying,

well, I'm so loving,

I'm going to let them do whatever they want.

You know what?

Permissive parenting causes just as much damage

as the over-restricted parenting.

I want you to understand

what he's talking about here

because it's,

when we understand this picture,

it's important

because it swung past

biblical encouragement

into something different.

It swung from encouraging our children

but yet correcting them

to swinging to a direction

of affirmation without correction.

Children are told they're always right.

always enough,

always the center.

You know what it produces

and we see it today?

High self-esteem

with low resilience.

As soon as life gets hard,

they're done.

God wants us

to have the right balance

in that.

We need to correct

but we also need

to affirm and to love.

And those need to happen

simultaneously.

That's a balance

that we find

in the Bible.

You know,

when we see

the picture

that is brought forth

because godly parenting

comes from genuine love,

not merely with connecting

with their feelings.

Because love and truth

are tied together.

Love is not driven

for your own benefit

but for the benefit of others.

And that is the truth

established

by the word of God.

You know,

I want you to see that picture.

2 Timothy chapter 3

2 Timothy 3 · chapter mention

tells us this.

It says,

all scripture is given

by inspiration of God

and is profitable

for doctrine,

that's teaching,

for reproof,

for correction,

for instruction

in righteousness

that the man of God

may be perfect,

thoroughly finished

unto all good works.

I want you to understand,

godly instruction

corrects

but it also lovingly guides.

it doesn't just say

you're wrong,

you're wrong,

you're wrong.

It says,

this is wrong

and this is right.

It shows them

the counteraction.

That's the balance

that we find

in the biblical example.

You know,

when we understand

that example

of love and truth

in action.

Because those two

are tied together.

when you're going

to correct somebody

you need to attach

that positive direction.

This is a problem,

how do we fix it?

You know,

that's pretty simple

understanding,

isn't it?

But sometimes

it's harder

than it sounds.

Because you have to

really think through

what's happening.

You know,

a great example of this

is a man

by the name of Jethro.

Jethro was Moses'

father-in-law.

You know,

you'll find this account,

we don't have time

this morning

to get all into it,

but Exodus chapter 18,

Exodus 18 · chapter mention

you'll find here

that Jethro noticed

something happening

with Moses,

but he didn't come

and condemn Moses

for how he was leading.

He encouraged him

and he promoted

and affirmed him

in the right way

and then redirected him

towards a better way.

And Moses received

his counsel

because it came

from a man

who valued Moses

but also valued

the things of God.

encouragement

earns the right

to direct.

When Jethro came,

he says,

Moses,

the way you're leading,

you're burning yourself down

trying to be everything

to everybody.

And Jethro says,

hey,

you do the oversight

and you bring forth

other men

that are able

to carry the load.

And when he explained

it to Moses,

Moses goes,

wow,

that's a pretty good idea.

How did that happen?

Because correction,

there was a problem,

but lovingly directed

to say,

hey,

here's a solution

from what's wrong

to what's right.

When we see that picture

being played out,

you know,

do you think about

this morning

as you look through,

do your children

hear more correction

than encouragement

from you?

You know,

we need to correct them,

but you also need

to encourage them.

When you see something right,

tell them that.

You know,

sometimes it's one

of those things,

if they went ahead

and they did their chores,

hey,

thanks for doing your chores,

that was good.

You know,

oftentimes we look

at the other one

and say,

well,

that was just expected.

But you know what,

a word of encouragement

goes a long way.

It goes a long way

and also when it comes

time to correct,

there's also a relationship

that's been built

that has a connection

that they'll hear.

Because as we're going

to look here today,

I want you to understand

we need to model

God's patience

in our parenting.

You know,

take a look over

to Psalm 103

for a moment.

Psalm 103

in verse 8,

Bible tells us

something about God

and even our relationship

to Him

and how He looks

at us.

How He looks

at people.

You know,

because sometimes

this verse

is a good one

as a parent

to think about

in those moments.

You know,

this is one of those

when you feel impatient,

write this on a

three-by-five card

and pull this

out of your pocket

for a moment

before you react.

Notice what God says.

He says,

the Lord is merciful

and gracious,

slow to anger

and plenteous

in mercy.

You know,

I want you to understand

God's not indifferent

to our failure

but He's patient

with our growth

because sometimes

the cycle of learning

takes a few laps.

You know,

we like to think,

well,

I told you once,

you ought to got it.

You know,

it's funny how

as parents

we apply that

to our children

but we don't apply

it to ourselves.

We need to apply it

just to ourselves

as much as

we would to them

to understand

it's a lesson

need taught again

because, you know,

we all learn

in life that way.

Sometimes we go,

huh,

I'm not going to do

that again.

Then you find yourself

there again

and the lesson

starts again.

The same way

with children

as they grow up

there's going to be

a lot of cycles

of lessons

and we need to learn

to be patient

because God is there.

The parents

who model God's patient

become living pictures

of God

to their children.

You know,

I think we have

a generation

who hates God

because of the picture

of godly parents

and God

through the idea

and the concepts

of parenting

that have taken place.

When we see

what God wants for us,

you know,

you think about

the picture of God

and the dynamic,

you know,

Luke chapter 15

Luke 15 · chapter mention

gives us a glimpse

into that.

There's a account there.

He talks about

the parable

of the prodigal son.

Now,

the son made

some very poor choices

but, you know,

there's something amazing

in that picture

that the dad

never lost sight

or lost hope

of that child

coming home.

He was patiently

waiting

waiting.

How do we know that?

Because

the Bible tells us,

he gives us

this picture

when the father

saw his son

yet a great

way off.

You know,

that's a little phrase

you kind of miss

sometimes.

How do you see

something

way off?

You're looking for it.

You know what?

We have a picture

here in Luke

of a father

who was willing

to wait.

I imagine

that if we wanted

to apply it out,

he was praying

and thanking

and wanting God

to do a work

and one day

he sees his son

return.

He says,

you had a great

way off

and he ran.

He didn't make

him grovel.

He didn't say,

son,

you need to apologize.

He greeted him

and said,

welcome home.

You know what?

That's parenting

with patience.

The picture

that we see here,

he celebrated

his father's

patience

was not passive,

it was active,

hope sustained

even through

disappointment.

You know,

that's godly parenting

is living

through disappointment.

You know,

if you've,

if your kids

are older,

you're going

to understand

your kids

are going

to disappoint you.

Love them.

Love them.

Understand

and stay there.

I want to

encourage you

for the young

parents in here.

In your most

frustrated parenting

moment this week,

ask,

what would a patient

father or mother

do right now?

That's a great

question.

To stop

and to consider,

then do what

God would have

for you to do.

Trust God

to work

in your child

what only

he can do.

We can guide

and we can direct,

but only the

spirit of God

through a faith

in Jesus Christ

can transform

a child.

You can lead

them there,

you can present

the truth to them,

but you know what?

They have to make

a choice.

One of the problems

we've had amongst

people that

profess to be

Christians is they

try to force

their children

to love God.

You can teach

them about God,

you can display

your love for God,

but you can't make

somebody love God.

They have to have

an encounter

with the living

God.

when we understand

and grasp on

that application

to trust him

because when we

understand that

God is patient,

God is a loving

heavenly father

that awaits

a sinner to come.

You know,

the prodigal son

is a great picture

of God in heaven

who wants to see

a sinner come to him.

That repent

and want to turn

to him

and call upon him

for salvation.

You know,

many people today

get a picture of God.

He's standing there

ready to judge them.

You know what God says?

I want to prevent you

from having to face

judgment

because there is

coming a day

that God's going

to hold you to account.

But he says,

the door is open.

I want you to come.

I want you to understand

what it means

to have a relationship

with the one

who created you.

When a sinner

recognizes

that's what they are,

that they've broken

God's law

and they stand

condemned before God

when they come

and they call upon him.

I want you to understand

God's not waiting

to beat you down.

He's waiting

with open arms

to rejoice.

I also want to

encourage you today

because we may have

some among us

that's very likely,

matter of fact,

it's probably a reality

there's some

who are wounded

from their parents.

You know what?

You can carry a wound.

When parents

didn't find this balance

that were too harsh

or too absent

or too quick

to wound

or slow

to bless.

I want you to hear

something carefully.

The same God

who warns fathers

not to provoke

their children

sees what was done

to you

and he doesn't ask

you to pretend

it didn't happen

but he does ask

you to not let

the resentment

harden into bitterness

and poison

your relationship

with him

and others.

You know,

forgiveness allows

us to move forward.

That applies

in all areas

of our life

but especially

when it comes

to our families.

Your earthly father

may have failed

the balance

but I want you

to understand

your heavenly father

never has.

If you bring that

to the Lord

and forgive

just as you've

been forgiven,

you know what?

That's how relationships

are mended and healed

when it begins

with forgiveness

because forgiveness

doesn't mean

they merit it

right now.

Forgiveness

is for you

so that the wound

that was done

can be healed.

I want you

to understand that

but for believers

I want you

to understand

you parent

from an overflow

of what God

has poured

into you.

when patience

runs thin

return to the father

who was patient

with you.

You'll remember

his mercies

were new

every morning.

What a wonderful

reality

we have

with a loving father.

You know this morning

what need

do you have today?

Is it a need

to come

to the one

who died

for you?

That you might

be reconciled

to the father

who lovingly

came and gave

all for your

benefit?

If you don't

know Christ

as your savior

I encourage you

that you might

make that

decision today.

But if you're

saved

what's your

relationships

like?

As a parent

are you doing

what you ought

to do

patiently

loving them

and correcting

them

and guiding

them in the

right direction?

Maybe you're

here today

and you're

carrying some

bitterness

or anger

about decisions

that were

outside your

control

that were

made

as you

were growing

up.

You know

what the best

thing you can

do is let

go of them

and say

God I want

a new

direction.

As heads

are bowed

and eyes

are closed

this morning

what about

you today?

There's a

loving God

that's waiting

for you.

Heavenly

Fathers

we just

commit this

time to

you this

morning

Lord

as we

you know

each heart

here today

Lord we pray

that you just

work mightily

in each

one.

Lord we

might be

encouraged

and strengthened

because you

are the one

who is so

merciful towards

us

patient with

us.

Lord we just

love you and

thank you and

we just turn

this time to

you in

Jesus name.

As the piano

plays what

about you

today?

Is God

speaking to

you?

Do you need

to spend some

time with

him?

Do you need

to ask the

Lord Lord give

me the patience

give me the

understanding

help me to

have you as

my example.

What about

you today?