How Can We Restore Trust To Our Broken Relationships

Thank you, Christopher.

That's great.

It's one of those songs.

That last one, it's so familiar for those of us that grew up in church that it's easy to lose sight of what you're actually saying.

I surrender all.

That's a that's a that's a deal, isn't it?

Did you choose that song based on uh what we're talking about today?

No, actually.

Or was that serendipity?

I think that was just Christopher.

I didn't recommend that, did I?

Oh, I did I?

Oh, okay.

Well, there you go.

No, yeah, I sent him the that's what it was.

I sent him the lesson.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That was great.

Yeah.

Good pick, Chris.

Yeah, I surrender all.

That's um that's a prayer request right there, isn't it?

Um welcome to Christ Community Church if you're a student.

Hopefully you're already dismissed.

And uh, we're glad you're here.

I'm really glad you're here today.

I'm glad to be here.

Bless you.

Mike, I'm glad you're here, my friend.

Um, and little Ellie, I'm glad she's here today.

Amen.

She's through with chemotherapy?

Yeah, so isn't that great?

Yeah, that's a good deal.

That's a good deal right there.

That's many of you have been praying for her.

And um so she's through with that.

That's a good deal.

Thank the Lord.

I have been pondering a verse.

Oh, uh August, thank you for that verse that you uh shared with us.

Psalm 119, 165.

That was the first Bible verse I ever memorized.

I memorized it differently.

Those that love thy law have great peace, and nothing causes them to stumble.

That's an old way of saying, you your way I like better, actually.

But those that love thy law have great peace, and nothing causes them to stumble.

I like to add, nothing causes them to stumble permanently.

We do stumble, but people that really have God's word in their heart, they're gonna get back up.

Start over again.

And uh anyway, I love that verse.

Thank you.

Bless you, my friend.

I've been pondering this verse the last couple of weeks in Acts chapter 3, where Peter is preaching, and he says this repent and turn to God so that your sins may be forgiven, and so that times of refreshing may come from the Lord.

Acts 3 · chapter mention

That's so good I got to read it one more time.

Peter says, repent and turn to God so that your sins may be forgiven, and so that times of refreshing may come from the Lord or from Yahweh.

I've been thinking about that idea of I'd like to have times of refreshing.

I really would.

I would like to have times of refreshing in my life.

In some areas it's more needed than others.

Um, when you hear the phrase Yes, spouse, times of refreshing.

What is that?

You're a writer.

What what what is what images come to your mind when you think of that idea of times of refreshing?

So like uh cold water, you know, if you're hot, cold water is refreshing.

Um I I think for me, quiet, I have a busy life, and so quiet times of like a nice long period of quiet is refreshing.

For me too.

Um I can do away with the water, I don't care about the water.

But no, I'll take a diet coke.

I don't care about the water, but I sure will I sure will take the quiet.

I love that.

I like I find um I love to when you know people like to go on vacation, go different places.

But I I think the place that is most refreshing for me is the mountains.

I like the mountains.

The streams and the mountains and hiking in the mountains.

So that's what comes to mind.

Anything else?

Um don't have to, just wondering.

I'll stick with those.

Just a it's a lovely phrase to just to even say.

The end of the school year.

The end of the school year.

That's refreshing.

Because I'm pooped.

Yeah.

And so they and then you get a a time to refresh and then ready to go back.

Yeah, that's enough.

Times of refreshing.

It's a lovely phrase.

Is there one area of your life personally that you would your your prayer would be that God would send times of refreshing in that one area maybe more than any other?

Might not be.

I just wondering.

I have I have some areas like that.

Yeah, yeah, I have a relationship that's difficult in the workplace that would I would have liked a a refreshing, a time of refreshing.

Okay.

It was good and now it's it's not not good.

It's just, you know, not what it was.

Yeah, no, I get it.

Thank you.

We're gonna talk sorry?

We're gonna talk today about uh uh for me, it's one of the most important and uh beneficial and helpful ideas in all of scripture from a practical perspective.

I I use this in my conversation with people and with couples every day.

So it's very near and dear to my heart, and it's very, you know, it's just right there in my life.

And that has to do with uh uh uh how do you rebuild trust in a relationship once it's been damaged?

And uh, you know, the Lord Jesus says in Luke chapter 17, he says that now this is my translation, but it's a pretty good one.

Luke 17 · chapter mention

Relational damage is inevitable.

I think the way he says it literally is things that cause people to stumble are bound to come.

That was that's that's what your Bible would say.

But what he what he's referring to in the context of that chapter is that things are gonna come into relationships that damage them.

It's inevitable.

Makes me think of that verse in Proverbs 14 where Solomon tells us or reminds us if you got a barn with no animals in it, you can keep it clean.

Easy to keep a barn clean that doesn't have any animals in it.

But only a farm full of animals is gonna flourish.

It's easy to get into your mind, well, I'll just withdraw by myself and hide.

I won't have any problems.

And that's exactly right.

Your house will stay clean, you'll get to do things the way you want.

Uh no waves.

Problem is, it's in these messy, challenging, difficult relationships that we experience life.

You don't experience life alone.

So, you know, Jesus said it best.

Uh problems in relationships are inevitable.

It seems that we have a tendency to think that the best relationships, perhaps, are with folk, uh, close relationships, or with people with whom we are most compatible.

That that's yeah, to find somebody with whom you are most compatible.

But I think we're going to challenge today the idea that the best relationships really come from commitment first uh rather than comp necessary compatibility.

Commitment meaning things like compromise in a difficult time, or for give of course forgiveness and restoration, or the the hope of restoration, or the our movement towards restoration.

Yeah, no, and any anybody in this room that knows anything about uh reading books on relationships or counseling or anything like that, every study would verify that the best relationships, the most fulfilling, most satisfying, and the longest, the relationships with the greatest chance of longevity are not those relationships that are made up of people that are the most compatible or that are the easiest, the most satisfying and longest going relationships of all are made up of people that have made a commitment.

We're gonna make this work, and we're committed to forgiveness, we're committed to compromise, we're committed, we're not gonna accept crummy.

We're gonna work on this.

We're gonna when it's broken, we're gonna restore it.

We're not gonna just be okay with crummy.

Um I was reading not too long ago, uh just some stuff about church history, early church history, and I came across a paragraph that I'm still thinking about, and that is that the critics, and that's the Jews and the Romans, the critics of the early New Testament church.

Those that were, they were not Christians, they were against Christianity.

The people that were critics that wrote about Christianity from a negative perspective, one of the things that they consistently said, among a lot of other things, they were constantly amazed at these Christ followers.

It was unexplainable, these Christ followers.

We're not with you, we're in fact we're against you.

But it's amazing as we watch you, and what they talked about being amazing is this.

They never mentioned, where did I find where did I write that?

Oh, they never mentioned what was amazing was not the early church's success, and it was not their holiness, and it was not their miracles, and it was not their intellectual apologetics.

You never see an earth the early church critics mentioning those things.

Isn't that funny?

Those are the very things that we highlight today.

Want to be successful?

Want to be rich?

Send me some money, and I'm gonna pray a prayer over you, and you'll be rich and successful.

Let's have a miracle crusade.

That's not what the the critics of the early church, that's not what they noticed.

What they wrote about that amazed them was two things consistently.

One was their unique ability to forgive their enemies, and their unique ability to take people that were historically segregated, opposed to one another, and create a unified group.

The way they said it was they had the ability to create unity within diverse and hostile groups.

That hit me.

As a Christian, what are you known for?

What stands out about you?

Everything they touch turns to gold.

When they pray, miracles happen.

Is that what you're known for?

Your holy life.

They never say an ugly word, they never stump their toe, they never do bad.

Or man, they're brilliant.

Buddy, they say these brilliant spiritual things.

Woo! Don't debate them, they're brilliant.

That's not what the early church critics noticed and wrote about.

We are amazed at these Christ followers' ability to forgive their enemies when they've been wronged, and their ability to create unity where there has been historic division.

The Apostle Paul, I want to say five times, those of you that are really great Bible scholars, you might say, no, no, there's more than that.

You're right, I'm wrong.

But at least I found five.

Five different times the Apostle Paul says that the that there's power.

Didn't we sing a song today, Chris, about power?

There's power.

Yeah.

Well, Paul said there is power in the gospel.

The gospel empowers us.

And when Paul wrote about that, it was always in the context of the gospel empowers people to be saved, and the gospel empowers people to live like Christ.

That's what the that's when Paul talks about the power of the gospel.

He's talking about the gospel's unique ability to empower people to be saved and to empower people to live like Christ.

And that empowerment to live like Christ would include many things, two of which would be, though, the power to forgive when it's unreasonable to do so.

The power to forgive when you don't want to.

The power to forgive people who have wounded us or wronged us.

And, you know, the Bible's filled with examples.

Jesus hanging on the cross.

Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.

Who could pray that?

Who could pray that?

Stephen, the first Christian martyr.

Father, don't hold this sin against them.

Who would pray that?

His rocks are smashing against his skull.

Who would pray that?

Paul, just been literally, just a little earlier in the evening, had been beaten by this jailer and then thrown in this prison illegally and wrongly.

And when that jailer knocks on the door and says, I want you to tell me how to be saved.

You know what I'd have said?

I'm not telling you.

Hope you go to hell.

I'm not telling you after what you just did to me, not in your life.

But it's almost like Paul immediately ran to him and said, Let me tell you about my Jesus.

With blood still spilling out of his back.

This unique ability to forgive.

Paul talks about it in Colossians 3.

Forbear and forgive.

If you have a grievance against someone, forgive as the Lord has forgiven you.

He says this over and over and over again in Ephesians 4.

He says, be kind and compassionate to one another, forgive one another just as in Christ God forgave you.

The gospel empowers us to forgive.

And when I hear people say, and I hear it every week, I cannot forgive that person.

I cannot forgive my parent.

I cannot forgive my ex.

I cannot forgive my child.

I cannot forgive this person.

That's a mouthful.

There's a lot being said when somebody declares, I cannot do what God says that I can do.

What if I took on for Lent every time someone I practice for 40 days?

Every time someone hurt me, and that's nine times out of ten, per the people that are closest to you.

I mean, that's just strangers have a hard time hurting us.

We don't care about that stranger.

Um I mean I'll I'll never say that person again.

Father, for let's just say Larry hurts me.

Father, forgive him.

He didn't know what he was doing to me.

And and then we just do that every time rather than lashing out.

If I were to And hurt like we've been.

And it's just hurt back.

Yeah, it just hurts back.

You can't say that to me.

I'll tell you what you are.

But rather, oh forgive him, because he he does not understand what how how that hurt me.

What a practice that might be.

What a great practice for 40 days.

Might seem like 120 days.

It might seem like 500 days, but what would we be like after 40 days of that?

And what might our little world look like after 40 days of that?

What might our children think of us and think of the gospel if they watched us do that for 40 days?

What would the tone of our homes be if we did that?

Yes, that's what I'm trying to power, the gospel empowers us, according to Paul.

If he what does he know?

But what Paul tells us is that the gospel empowers us with the ability to forgive.

And it also, according to Paul, it empowers us to experience and create unity with people that we would be very different from, against, that we would disagree with, people that we would not trust.

Paul says that the gospel empowers us with the ability to create unity with people where there has been great division, great distrust, great disagreement.

Do you think just I was talking to I had lunch with one of my favorite people on the whole planet this week?

I just thought of this.

And I'm curious what people think.

So I asked him, I said, dude, election's coming up in two years, I think, give or take.

And um what would be a what would be the number one quality that would make you vote for somebody?

He didn't blink his eyes.

He said, the number one quality I'm gonna look for for somebody to vote for is they have the ability to create unity where there's diversity, where there's been division.

And I said, dude, me too.

I don't care if he's a two-headed duck, I'll vote for him.

Or I said, you mean to tell me, because it what resonates is that it's exactly the same as me.

Exactly the same as me.

I said, what you're telling me is if you took the ten most important political issues in your life that you have, the number one would be the that he would be able to create unity where there's been division.

He said, Yes.

And I said, Me too.

That the gospel can do that in people's lives, in my life, in your life.

Create unity with people that I would not ever want to be around.

Paul says it this way in Galatians 2.

I'm sorry, Galatians 3.

Listen to what he says.

Since you have clothed yourself with Christ, therefore now there's no Jew or Gentile, there's no slave or free man, there's no male or female.

For you are all one in Christ.

In a world where there was immeasurable division and historic division for centuries between Jew and Gentile, between slaves and free people, between men and women.

Paul says, because we have been clothed in the righteousness of Christ, the things that have divided us grow smaller, and the things that make us unified grow bigger.

Okay.

So we gotta I'm taking too long, so get us started on the real lesson.

No, that's that's been good.

That's good.

No, I well, it is good, but you you've got to get us going here.

Okay.

Two weeks ago, we talked about the impact of humility, living a life of humility.

Uh, that relationships thrive where humility and grace is present, and grace is present when people are hum humble themselves.

Huge.

That's it.

I want a relationship of grace.

How can I get it?

Just start humbling yourself.

Anytime I choose to humble myself, God just starts pouring grace into that relationship.

I'd like a humble, I'd like a grace-filled religion.

How do I just humble myself?

Uh 1 Peter 5 says, God gives grace to the humble.

I mean, it's it's super clear, not easy, but super clear.

So that was two weeks ago.

Then last week, uh Larry really talked about um covenant relationships and that covenant relationships are designed to last forever.

It's a covenant.

Um so um, but what happens in a covenant relationship when real damage occurs there, which uh inevitably will happen with human beings.

That's that's the deal, is that God created us to have relationships that reflect covenant.

I'm committed to you, and I'm committed to you for life.

Obviously, we see that most clearly in marriage, right?

I mean, that's God said that is a covenant relationship.

That's the very word he used, but it's reflected throughout the scripture, Jonathan and David.

Uh, you know, and you see it throughout the throughout the Paul and his friends.

Relationships were designed by God.

We were created by God to relate to one another in covenant ways.

The problem is that in covenant relationships you still have damage.

We still hurt each other in these relationships.

So what happens then?

How to manage that.

Yes.

I would suggest that one of the ways that we protect covenant relationships.

We're saying relationships that are built on trust.

I said this, and you said this, and this is our foundational trust.

Yes.

And that creates the covenant, or at least it the covenant relationship creates the trust, and the trust protects the covenant relationship, if you will.

But what happens in those covenant relationships where something has occurred, betrayal, strong disagreement, big failure.

And the trust of that covenant relationship has been damaged.

What do you do then?

And everybody in this room understands this.

You might not admit it, but every one of us, hopefully, have been in covenant relationships.

Your life is not as great as it could be if you don't have any covenant relationships.

But if you're in them, you would you testify there have been times when that trust has been damaged.

I damaged it in somebody else's life, they damaged it in my life.

We think that with trust, once it's lost, it's lost forever.

You have broken my trust.

I'll never trust you again.

It's terrible.

It's not dumb.

It is dumb.

It's not true.

It's not true.

Yeah.

Trust can be rebuilt.

Because it ebbs and flows like everything else.

You know, oh, you didn't tell me that.

Oh, well, it can come in, it can be rebuilt.

And there's varying levels of trust in a relationship, a covenant relationship, over time, there's going to be seasons where the trust is stronger, and there's going to be seasons when it's not as strong.

It's it's not this thing that you either have or you don't have.

That's that's if you just think through that, that's not wise.

That's not it's not correct.

Like when little children, maybe your own little children or other or children, little children in your life, um, learn not to lie, right?

You have to teach that.

And so as they if you've if you've got a child that's continuing to lie, then that you've we teach them that that trust is broken.

But if that's your own child, you want that trust, and so does the child, to be rebuilt.

Yes, ready to be able to do that.

So you can work on showing that little one why the lying isn't good, how now I don't trust you to, if he's if he's older, to drive the car, you have to.

It's but we want it to be rebuilt.

Yes.

But and we know and we want it to be rebuilt because we know it can be rebuilt.

Yes, yes.

And I'll turn it around.

Um my daughter taught me it's not just important that I forgive her and rebuild trust with her when she damages it, but I need to be humble enough to do the same with her or anyone else.

I need to own up when I've damaged the trust relationship.

I told her I would do something, and for doesn't matter why, I didn't do it.

And when I did that, when I when that happened, I damaged our trust relationship.

It happens in all of our significant relationships.

So that begs the question.

What do you do to rebuild trust in a covenant relationship when it's been damaged?

Because it's going, it has happened, and it's going to happen.

And I would be the first one to say that I'm not talking to non-Christ followers.

If you're not a follower of Jesus and you say, I cannot forgive that person, I agree.

That's probably true.

What is shocking is how Sherry and I, we've talked about it a thousand times, how many publicly declaring non-Christians, I mean, they would tell you, I'm not a Christian, and yet they have the ability, they forgive the most incredible wrongs, the deepest wounds.

It's unexplainable, and then people that claim to be followers of Jesus, they'll get hung up on the things that are that pale in comparison.

I just I think the point is that that with or without Christ, this is a hard thing to say.

I I wish it weren't true, but it I think it is.

We can we can do things.

We can forgive.

People can forgive others without the Holy Spirit's help.

They do it.

So how much more should we do it if we have the power of the Holy Spirit in our lives for us to say, I can't forgive?

It's almost blasphemy.

Yeah.

Well, it's it's either blasphemy or it's deception.

Yeah.

You're not a Christ follower.

You you say you are, but you're not.

That's that's the yeah, yeah.

So how do Shirley, how do we rebuild trust?

Uh I've I've I use these four little things, no kidding, almost every day with people where there's covenant relationships that have been damaged.

What would be a couple of things right off the bat that would help us rebuild trust?

Okay, number one, you ready?

Um, confess our own sin.

Confess our own sin and ask for forgiveness if we're in a in a fight or if we're in a uh a lack of trust situation.

Um somebody's got to start if you're gonna build it back.

And so confessing our our own sin, our own part, no denial, no excuses, no blaming, no accusation, just this is my part.

And I'm so sorry.

I was wrong.

I was wrong.

Not you caused me to be wrong.

You know, that's right.

Yeah, that's that's the that's that language is important.

Well, it you voided out the whole thing.

If you if you had bring them into the wrong, were they probably contributing to the wrong?

That's not unreasonable.

But if you bring them into the wrong, you could have just gone and had a beer at the local pub and not had the conversation at all.

Don't bring them into it at all.

I was wrong.

I messed up, I own this.

Would you please forgive me?

James 5 says that we are to confess our sins one to another and pray for each other in order to experience healing.

Great verse.

Confess your sins one to another so that you will experience healing.

Almost sounds like that verse in Acts 3.

So that you will experience times of refreshing.

Almost the same idea.

Matthew, is it 5 says, if you take your sacrifice to the altar and there's someone who's offended you or you're offended, you're supposed to leave that sacrifice and go and make that right and then come back.

What is the what would you say if I ask you, what is the highest calling that we have as people, as humans, as image bearers of God, as Christians?

Many of you would say, oh, it's to worship God.

And you're right.

And yet Jesus says, if you are worshiping God and you remember that somebody is offended, you got a covenant relationship with a problem, stop worshiping God.

There's something more important.

Stop doing that.

Go and make it right to the best of your ability, and then come back and worship God.

That is an incredible verse.

Stop doing what I created you to do so that you can do something more important.

I think it's important in confessing of sins that are our part in the thing, is that in those verses, it doesn't ask any reciprocity.

It's not, I will confess my sin to you if you confess your sin to me.

That is not what it says at all.

It's like you go do what you're supposed to do, and then we all understand human choice.

We all understand free will.

Then you're gonna do what you're gonna do.

That's not on me.

My actions are on me, and your response is on you.

Can I leave you and your part with God?

Can I leave that?

I gotta own my part.

Am I willing to leave your part of this deal if there is a part?

I'm gonna leave that with God.

That's between you and God, and you and God can work that out or not.

But I'm gonna take care of my part.

Okay, number one, confess.

Own it.

Yes.

Confess it, own it, ask for forgiveness.

It's not my bad, not uh I don't even like the word I'm sorry.

That's a that's the the the Bible language is I sinned against you, would you forgive me?

That's the Bible language.

We want to apologize.

And and in our culture, we know that sort of means the same thing.

I'm sorry, uh I apologize.

But the Bible language is I sinned against you, will you forgive me?

Bible language might be the best way to do that.

Okay, number two.

Um This is harder.

Consider the other person's hurt and wrong.

Ask about the other person's problem, and then listen to what that person says.

I am I apologize, I'm I'm asking you to forgive me.

I can this is what I did.

Now, is there anything else that I've done that's damaging our trust?

I'm owning up to the one that I know about.

Yeah.

But it's very that's scary enough.

Trust me, I pr I have to practice this a lot.

She doesn't have to practice it near as much as I do.

I have to practice this.

I did, I whatever it was, I was I did it, I was wrong, will you forgive me?

But then to ask the second question, which is is there anything else in my life that I do or have done that has damaged your ability to trust me, damaged your ability to feel safe, to for us to for you to feel safe in our relationship.

Is there anything else that I need to own?

And scary.

The problem is they'll tell you.

And the telling is risky.

Yes, yes.

It's all risky.

Yes.

Um, but to you know, to say, well, yeah, there's one more thing.

Is is a slip, can't be a slippery slope.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But we're talking about healthy covenant relationships with people that are full of humility and grace, and these are these are things that are important.

What would you do?

I look at Aunt Linda over there, and I look at others in this room.

I little Ellie.

What would you do to be healed of cancer?

The time, the money, the effort, the pain, the inconvenience.

What would you do to be healed of cancer?

We would do the most extraordinary, terrifying things.

Every one of us would.

The Bible says confess your sins one to another so that you can be healed relationally.

I'm not doing that.

I'll put poison in my veins twice a week for a year, but I will not say I was wrong and ask you to forgive me.

That seem right?

That doesn't seem right, does it?

If you're if you and I are unwilling to do the first two, the things that Shirley just mentioned, ignore the next, the next ones.

The next two.

You're waiting.

You gotta do the first two before you can do the third and fourth.

Third one's this, and this is the one that you're gonna, some of you are gonna struggle with.

Just take it home, think about it, pray about it, say what you think.

Okay?

Third thing is this.

Ask the person with a broken relationship, with a broken trust.

What do I need to change in my life so that you can trust me and so that you can feel safe?

What do I need to change?

What do I need to change?

Turn off your ring, or it could be no.

No.

Um what do you what do I need to change?

What behaviors in my life do I need to change so that I so that you can feel safe, so that you can trust me, so that trust can be created.

I'm gonna make a statement, like I said, that some of you will disagree with, but go home and think about it and see what the Lord teaches you or says to you about it.

I believe this to be true.

Trust is not a choice that I make.

I don't choose to trust you.

Uh people will come and sit down, they're mad at each other.

She, I messed up five years ago, and she still is choosing not to trust me.

Boy, the next thing comes out of my mouth they're not happy with.

And I'll say, sir, nobody's asking her to choose to trust you, because trust is not a choice.

Trust is a reaction or a response to changed behavior.

Trust is a reaction or a response to changed behavior or healthy behavior or good behavior.

When I change my behavior and I string together days and weeks and months, there'll be a moment when you can't help but trust me.

To angrily say, you should trust me.

The very fact that I have to say, you should trust me, there's something going on.

There's something wrong when I tell somebody, you should trust me.

I think it's there's 59 one-anothers in the New Testament.

Now, some of those are repeated, but I think 59 times it says, weep with one another, rejoice with one another, pray for one another, serve one another, forgive one another, love one another, all the one another.

And they're all commands.

Fifty-nine times the New Testament tells me to, commands me to do something in my relationship with Sherry.

Never once does it say trust one another.

Isn't that significant?

Never once.

Because I cannot trust you if your behavior is not trustworthy.

But when your behavior becomes trustworthy, I can't help but trust you.

It's an incredible we we miss it.

We miss it.

The only person in the Bible ever tells me to trust, to commands me to trust is the Lord.

And do you know what the Bible says about that?

We should trust the Lord.

You know how I learned to trust the Lord?

Get to know his trustworthy behavior from Genesis 1 to Revelation 22.

And as I get to know his trustworthy behavior, there'll be a day when I can't help but trust him.

There are people in this room, especially older saints in this room.

You don't get up in the morning and decide to trust God.

You can't help it.

Because you have strung together years and years and years of discovering the trustworthy, healthy, faithful behavior of your Savior.

And the natural response, not the natural, the the response that occurs once you've discovered the behavior of God.

Of course you're gonna trust him.

How can you not?

How can you not?

I think that's such an I I knew you were gonna say that, but hearing it is powerful.

Um, you know, because people will say, Well, he just doesn't trust me.

She just doesn't trust me.

A lot going on there.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So if I'm saying that about you, well, you just doesn't trust me.

The humble part is, oh, what am I doing that's not trustworthy?

What behavior in my life is putting a tear in that?

And am I willing to humble myself and ask and really want to know and then willingly change that?

It's a, yeah, anyway.

Last one is this, real quickly, we've got to land this airplane.

Rebuilding trust where it's been damaged takes time.

Rebuilding trust, damaging trust in a covenant relationship can occur in a second.

That's the that's the uh that that's yeah, that's a deal right there, is that I can damage the trust in our covenant relationship.

I can damage the trust in my covenant relationship in a something can fly out of my mouth, I can make a decision, I can, and I have.

Yeah.

And it cannot be restored quickly.

It takes time, it takes time to change behavior.

For the the wounded person, the person that's struggling to trust, for you to expect their behavior to move from unhealthy to healthy, from untrustworthy to trustworthy overnight.

That's not fair, that's not reasonable, that's not right.

I used to have a really close friend that would remind me all the time rehab includes relapse.

That's a wise statement.

Rehab includes relapse.

So it's going to take time.

It's like weight lifting or building up muscle.

Yes.

You just have to keep doing it.

Yes.

It also takes time for her to learn to trust me again.

So for me to, well, I've changed.

I've strung together a whole week of good, healthy behavior.

You should be trusting me now.

That's not the way it works.

That's not the way it works.

It takes a while.

Jesus said this in Luke 17.

I started it off at the beginning.

Relational problems will occur, but woe to the person who is responsible.

It would be better for them to be dead than to wound a person that they're in relationship with.

That is a powerful statement.

And that's exactly what Jesus said and meant.

Relational problems will occur, but woe to the one that's responsible.

It is better to be dead than to damage another person you're in relationship with.

So guard yourself, and then shockingly, listen what Jesus says next.

If a person sins against you, rebuke them.

And if he repents, forgive him.

And if it occurs over and over and over again, keep forgiving them.

Do you see how Jesus shifts the whole thing from the person that did the damage?

He starts off with him.

It's no good to hurt people that you're in covenant relationship with, and you need to do everything you can not to.

It is a big deal.

And to say things like, Well, that's just who I am, that's just the way I am, that's the way I was reared.

That dog will not hunt in the kingdom of God.

But that's only half of it.

Jesus lands that airplane with the declaration.

When this person that has damaged the relationship, damaged the trust, comes and says, I was wrong, I repent, would you forgive me?

I've got to forgive them.

And if I, if that person keeps messing up and keeps coming back and saying, I was wrong, will you forgive me?

I gotta keep forgiving them.

Because that's the oxygen that people breathe in the kingdom of God.

Relational trust can be restored.

It can.

There's not a relationship in your life that cannot experience times of refreshing if you and I will choose to seek God's plan for re-establishing and restoring trust.

The question is, do I want it?

Do I want to be in relationship with someone where trust is flourishing, where safety is the standard.

I would just appeal to us.

Don't hope for that.

Don't wish for that.

Don't wait on that.

Do something.

Do something.

Make the kick the ball.

Move, move the domino or the dice or whatever it is you move it.

Do something to try to create a process where trust is being rebuilt.

Paul says this in Hebrews 12.

Do all you can to live in peace with others.

Do all you can.

Raise your hand if you have done all you can to live at peace with people.

Good, because I'd have to call you a liar.

That's not true.

Who could stand up and say that?

No.

But Paul says, do all you can to live at peace with people and be holy, for without holiness no one will see the Lord.

Do you hear what Paul's saying?

Paul is equating my intention to rebuild where there's brokenness with whether or not I'm going to ultimately see the Lord.

Jesus says it a different way.

Same exact thing, but here's the way Jesus says it in Matthew 6.

If you forgive others, my Father will forgive you.

But if you do not forgive others, my Father will not forgive you.

Thank you.

Here's that way I'd like to end the service today.

I hope that the Lord has spoken to us.

He's spoken to me.

And I didn't even like it.

But he has.

And when God speaks to us, that's a gift.

It's a gift to hear the voice of God.

We should not take that lightly.

We should not handle that lightly.

And we sure should not ignore it.

So here's my the way I'd like to end the service.

We're going to celebrate the Lord's Supper.

And I'm going to get Chuck, you and Nancy are going to stand right over there and hold those two dishes, and you two are going to come over and stand right here and hold those two dishes, please.

Yeah.

No, Chucky Boy, you're over here with Nancy.

Yeah, grab that.

Yeah, I'm changing you up today.

There you go.

Y'all just stand right there, please.

And y'all stand right here, Esther.

Y'all stand right here.

Thank you.

Lord bless you.

We're going to celebrate the Lord's Supper.

But before you come up, the Piccadilly will be open.

Don't get nervous.

It's all going to be okay.

But before you come up, I want you just to bow your head.

And I want you to close your eyes just for a second.

Repent and turn to the Lord.

So that you can experience times of refreshing.

Wouldn't you like to have relationships that you would describe as being places, moments of refreshing in your life?

When you're with that person, it's refreshing.

It restores your soul.

That's what hopefully you want that.

I promise you that God wants that for you.

So my question is that is this.

Who is that person that you long for the most?

It's the relationship where you have the greatest need for times of refreshing.

Who is that person?

God wants to refresh that relationship.

Will you cooperate?

Will I cooperate?

Ask him.

Ask him for help.

Confess your sin that you've contributed to the damage of that relationship.

You confess that to God right now, and maybe that'll give you the ability to confess it to the other person this afternoon or tomorrow.

Maybe that is the thing that God wants you to do for Lent.

Oh, I'm going to give up chocolate or cigarettes or drinking wine.

I think God yawns.

He doesn't care about those things.

Do them or don't do them.

He does care about us having relationships that are full of refreshment.

That's a big deal to him.

And maybe this Lenten season we need to attempt as well as we can, as best we can, to create times of refreshing with the Lord's help.

When you're done, I encourage you to come and take bread and juice and to eat and drink.

My goodness, what Jesus did so that we could experience times of refreshing in our relationship with his Father.

That's what the Lord's Supper is all about, right?

Look at my broken body, look at my spilt blood.

That's what I did so that you could have times of refreshing in your relationship with my dad.

I want you to eat and drink and remember that and give thanks for that.

Would you be willing to do something similar in the broken relationships in your life?

Will I be willing to do that?

That's the question.

When you're ready, you come and eat and drink and remember and give thanks.