Module 1: Healing From Your Negative Emotions

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All right, welcome to the Healing City Podcast.

My name is Eric Siepen.

And across from me is my beautiful wife, Susan Siephen.

And we are going to talk about a module that I developed, along with the help of you and your research and such into anxiety and how the brain works and all that kind of stuff.

And it is called Healing from Your Negative Emotions.

So we're talking about negative emotions, and we're talking about ones that are that trouble us a lot, like anxiety or being afraid or being angry.

In particular, those three.

Is there any that we would add to that?

Are those kind of the three core?

I think they're the three core ones that we want to deal with.

I think I mean anxiety and fear are kind of the same thing.

They are.

So anxiety and anger, or fear and anger, shame is another one.

Um, but shame tends to be a kind of a secondary emotion.

Uh but anyway, let's just let's just talk fear, anxiety, anger.

So one of the reasons I developed this is A, I struggle with my own anxiety.

But also what I've noticed, noticed what I hear from people a lot is I have anxiety.

I feel anxious.

Um, I'm gonna go to a therapist to deal with this.

I um on this medication.

And usually what I hear when they go on people go on medication is it helped me for a while and then it stopped helping, and I'm shifting to another medication.

Not always, and it depends on the therapy, um, but a lot of times when people go to therapists, they feel a bump.

Someone's listening to them.

But then they hit a plateau and they still feel anxious and they don't know what to do with it.

And some ways they become very dependent on their therapist.

I mean, it doesn't seem to have get rid of the anxiety.

Would you say depression also fits in this?

I would also say depression fits in this, because that's um, but I think maybe if we don't deal with our anxiety and our anger, and we could say our shame, it does lead to depression.

And and so then it gets more complicated.

Okay.

Um I'd have developed this process, this writing process that I've been doing for a long time, and it's just been changing more and more as I read and as you research, you know, neurobiology, and as you've been on your journey to to deal with some things in your life.

This way of doing what we call expressive writing would be a good way of saying it, to help people walk through this.

And I'm actually pretty confident that it will help.

It will not necessarily overnight cure you of your anxiety, it might have an extremely drastic effect in a few journaling exercises.

You may move quicker than you ever have in any other process that you've been doing, or it might take a while to root out things.

But this is how the process works.

It first starts with this idea called mind mapping.

And what you do is you take a piece of paper, and in the middle of the piece of paper, you write down the feeling that you have anxiety or fear or anger.

And you could even write down shame, but then you underneath that, just in a kind of a bullet point, you need to note when I when I feel this, I tend to feel it in my body this way.

So my shoulders get really tight when I'm angry, or I notice that I clench my fists, or when I'm anxious, I fiddle with my hair, or I click my teeth, or I you know push my tongue against my teeth.

Like they're just different things that your body does um reflexively when you have that experience.

Write that down.

Then after that, you're gonna draw a line off of it, and you're going to say, This is the thing that I perceive to make me that's making me anxious.

It could be a person, it could be an event that you experienced.

Um, and you're usually reflecting back on these things.

Um, and you can do this, you know, with events that have happened in the past week, especially if you're dealing with anxiety that you're feeling right in that moment, or a feeling of anxiety that you just haven't been able to get rid of, or it feels paralyzing.

This is a good place to begin.

And you just begin to write everything that you know about that's making you feel anxious.

And it doesn't have to be a true statement in the sense that it's truly making you anxious, it's just you think it's making you anxious.

It seems related instantly.

Yeah, it seems so you're writing those events or those people down, and then after that, you're writing information off of that.

So let's say if you wrote down in a just a silly way, oh, my dog makes me anxious.

Okay, well, what did then what what's the dog doing?

Uh well, the dog digs holes, and my neighbor doesn't like that.

So dog and neighbor.

Oh, and you can just keep going off of those things until you're done.

Like there's nothing left of feelings or events or ideas that are coming off of that, and then you go to the next one until you've basically written about all of them.

And that could take you three minutes, that could take you 15 minutes.

If it takes you more than 15 minutes, you probably should stop and begin to move to the next place.

But this mind mapping of your negative emotions is really powerful because what's happening is that those mind maps are in your subconscious.

They're going and they're kind of having a conversation without you.

And the way to think about it is you breathe without thinking, but then you can stop your breath.

You can take control of something that your body just does normally.

There are parts of your brain that control it without you thinking about it.

It's the same with your anger and your anxiety and fear.

Your body is having the conversation, your mind's having the conversation, but you in your conscious mind is not paying attention to it.

But when you mind map, what you're doing is saying, Oh, I am recognizing a conversation that's already happening that is influencing the way I am experiencing future events or events that will happen to me in the future.

So, can you talk about how uh the belief statements and narratives fit into the mind map process?

Um, well, one of the things you you know, let's let's take a more serious thing than your dog, and you could say, I'm really angry, and I feel anger in my shoulders, so like now my shoulders are stiff, and it's my wife who's making me angry.

And I and then so that's you've got anger and your expression explanation, and then you get your line off that, and it says wife, and then you belief statements and narratives come in there in the sense that you can put like, I believe my wife's out to get me.

I believe my wife doesn't care about me, you know, or my wife, you know, threw a plate against the floor, like she just tossed it and smashed it.

That the so there's there's your narrative.

That's a narrative or a belief.

My wife doesn't care about the kids, or she's my wife's lazy.

You know, and it's just it's it's not you you can't have any kind of um what do you call it?

I always forget this word, but you can't have a sensor, filter.

Yeah, sensor or filter on these things because you're not one, I wouldn't keep it in your book in your notebook, I'd throw it away.

Uh but it because it's just being honest about what the subconscious thing is going on there.

So yeah, that would be things you would put on there, the more serious kind of thing.

Um, yeah, so just right there, before we get into the other processes, if you were to do that three times a week to just process your anxiety, you're like, I'm gonna sit down for 15 minutes three times a week and mind map my anger or mind map my anxiety, or right when I feel it, as soon as I have space to do it, I'll go sit down for 15 minutes and mind map it.

You're gonna find you're gonna find some relief, I guarantee that.

But you're also gonna have your eyes opened to a conversation that's going on in your subconscious that you just don't pay attention to.

And that will also give you at least places to talk to people and also maybe some more relief from your anxiety.

Um, so that's that would be step one in stepping into your to dealing with this and this negative emotion, healing from your negative emotions.

Now, the second part is an expressive writing process.

And I think in this podcast, you and I have talked about expressive writing in different forms.

Right.

I think we talked about the 20-minute jog, right?

Or whatever is it, what's it called?

It goes by different names.

I think it started out as the the 25-minute jog initially.

Now it's like the one-minute run.

Dr.

Schubner.

Yeah, and it includes the mind map and some of these different pieces.

And we have to say, we are super indebted to Dr.

Schubner and others who are thinking this through and are so much smarter than us.

And we're just trying to bring it down to the common man who may not have the time to mine through this stuff.

Right.

And we don't really have the time, but we feel it's necessary for our We're desperate.

We're desperate enough to do it.

To help others and to help ourselves that we're mining this stuff and using what you and I know from the past and what we've done in our own life and study.

So the other uh at least one of the other expressive writing kind of practices that we've talked about before is Trinitarian prayer writing.

And I think that this exercise is kind of a combination of that and the 25-minute jog.

Yes, it is.

Um so what you do with this mind map, and I is at least in this process, is that you're going to take a method that I developed called Trinitarian Prayer.

What I will do in this podcast is the notes that I've worked up will be on this podcast for the module.

But also I will put a link to my sermon on Trinitarian Prayer that takes the it biblically kind of explains how it works out of Romans.

And I will also put some links to different um things within the uh Healing City podcast so that it will fill out some of this for you if you want to follow it.

And we'll have a link to the PDF of the module.

Right.

As well.

A link to the PDF of the module so you can print it out and and use it.

So, what you're gonna do is you're gonna look at this mind map, and especially if you decide you have a couple things that are creating anxiety in your life or or producing anger in your life, you're gonna pick the one that resonates with you most, or you're gonna look at the theme that's kind of played out in each one of these things, and you're gonna decide to journal on one of those in this expressive writing process.

So you basically want to take what is resonating as the most applicable piece.

Yeah.

And you're gonna what you're gonna do is you're gonna uh begin, because in the Trinitarian process, you're praying.

It's a right, it's a prayer journal.

And you are going to pray to God the Father, and then you are going to pray or have a conversation with God the Son, and then you are going to listen to God the Holy Spirit.

And so the first part is to address to the father, and it's very important that as you journal, you start out with I sometimes even say dear, but as if I'm writing a letter, but uh, you're gonna need to start with father or abba or daddy, whatever's easiest for you, but you need to address the father as in his position as the father.

And in that, what you're gonna do is you have to choose to have a freedom without filter to lay out before him all the raw emotion that you have.

And so, if it's for example, that conversation we had about a wife, you're gonna you're gonna say, God, you're gonna say, Father, I am angry at my wife, she does not care about me, she's inconsiderate.

When she gets angry, she throws things, she scares me.

I'm not even sure I want to be married to her, like, and you're gonna lay it all out before him.

Because one of the things we know about God is that he has the capacity to handle us there in a way that no one else has a capacity to handle us.

And a good thing to think about in this is as you're writing, for instance, if I were sharing things with my wife about my inner life, there may be some parts where I'm like, you know what?

I don't need to tell her all these details.

She doesn't have the capacity to hold it, nor should she have to.

I can indicate that these are places of my life that I'm working through, but the father needs all the details.

He doesn't need you to protect him, he doesn't need you to care for his sensitivities or his humanness.

He is God the Father, he created you, he can handle it.

Also, we know from from just the science that something changes when you begin to write out the way you feel on a piece of paper and you just let it come out.

You're not writing correct sentences, you're not even writing full thoughts.

I would suggest you don't write bullet points, but you can type it.

You just have to let it flow out of you.

This can I done this and it's been a paragraph, and other times it's three, four, five pages of me just boring it out and boring it out, and and it's my confusion.

It's why is he doing this?

Why is it this way?

Why is this person this way?

How how I can't handle this anymore.

Like I'm I'm upset.

This is what I want to do to that person.

I wish they'd leave.

I wish they'd disappear.

I wish they'd die.

Like all this, like just there you go, you just put it out there.

So what you're the examples you're giving are sometimes irrational.

Yes.

And sometimes not even true.

Yep.

Certainly not true.

Right?

Like I I wish that person would die might be true to part of you, but not all of you.

It's not true to your rational brain.

Right.

So so you're actually talking about just expressing something really raw.

Yeah.

Just lay it out.

And not worrying about if it's if you're doing it the right way or if it's the even the right thing to feel or say or think.

Yep.

Okay.

It's really important to do that.

Now, my suggestion is that you read back over it before you move to the next section, just to kind of get a sense of what you said.

Because you're making a transition from praying, kind of laying it out to the Father, to praying to God the Son, who in all of his glory is God, who made himself lower than man and died for you, but not just died for all that you are on that piece of paper and everything else.

He rose from the dead and is the reason that you can have this conversation with the Father.

He's also the one who cares deeply about the people you were talking about and cares deeply for you.

And I mean the Father does too, but he his actions in the world are what are bringing the kingdom of God about.

And so you have to choose at that point in your writing to make a transition to being in a confessionary stance.

That may take a little bit of saying, okay, Jesus, like I'm really angry, and I know that's not right.

I feel so unjustly treated, but I I know I can't exact justice, I can't judge, I can't, you know, I I I said things that were horrible.

I need I need your forgiveness, but I also just need your healing.

So there's this this confession and this humility that you have to step into.

And it's it's a hard shift, but you have but it's just beginning to write that out.

And so you write out confession, but then this then you as you've confessed things, you have to shift into what I would call curiosity.

And that curiosity is to begin to ask Jesus, okay, well, what is it that you're doing in my wife's life?

What what's happening in her when she throws that that plate?

When she threw that plate, what's going on there?

Like, well, where were you when when she was saying that I'm a terrible husband and don't really love her?

Like, what what were you thinking?

What was going on there?

Um, so really just asking honest questions in detail about what's happening in your life and in the people's lives or events that are creating this anxiety or anger or fear or depression in your life, and then really just being curious about that.

And then the third part is really just uh writing out your desire, your longing, your hope for what what Jesus might do if he were to heal things.

Like and so say this is what I this is the kind of relationship I want with my wife.

This is the relationship I want the kids to see.

This is how I want to react when she does this.

This is I I long for these things, and I feel that they can't happen unless you change me.

Um so that's part one and part two.

From there, again, I would say read over everything again, or at least read over what you said to Jesus.

And then I would, and this is in the module, I would purposely write down a prayer.

And you can begin to write your own.

I wrote one in the module, but the basic prayer is acknowledging who God is, who the spirit is, and that he's spoken through history and through scripture and through those around you.

It's acknowledging that the spirit's voice is present, and that the spirit has been sent to you by Jesus from the Father to comfort you and to remind you of the words of Christ.

And then you have to write this word, your name.

You have to write Eric or Sue, and then you have to write comma.

And then you take a deep breath, and you do something that's really uncomfortable for people, and that is to begin to write the words of God to you.

What's amazing to me is, and this I've been doing it for a while, so it's I suspect it's uncomfortable for people who haven't been doing it for a while.

But what comes out of the handwriting is so often, like I never would have written these words, and usually they're just affirmations in language that I would understand that are so present already in scripture.

They tend to affirm Christ's love for me, his faithfulness to me, they invite me into a dependency on him, they help create boundaries, and sometimes talking about taking responsibility, God taking responsibility for the people who I am upset and angry at or hurt by or frustrated with, and him talking about them, like just writing down, like I'm writing to the when I was writing to the father, I'm writing these terrible things about this person, and then all of a sudden what's coming out of my hand is this beautiful language about the person that I was so mad at.

And so you go through that process and you write until you feel like you're done.

And I you take a deep breath again, and you do something called what I call just a kingdom proclamation, and that is that you proclaim what you feel like you've been invited to through the listening of the Spirit and the confessing to the Son and the proclaiming of or in the wrestling with the Father.

And you write out so it could be, you know, I, Eric Siepin, will stand in my identity as a priest as I love my wife when she's angry at me.

I, Eric Siephen, will uh understand that I do not have to take responsibility for X, Y, and Z.

That's God's and not mine.

It's just things like that.

Um now I will preface a couple things that are important in doing this process.

When you are done with the mind mapping, there are two things I think you need to do.

One is if you read Really enjoy music, Christian music, or music where scripture is being sung or principles about who God is, and you can write while you have that going.

Create a song list of four or five songs that you're gonna have repeating that really are emphasizing spiritual truths as you write, particularly when you're listening to the Holy Spirit.

If that's not something you can do, then I would suggest before you even start writing, you find in the Bible places where you what I call like comfort spots, scripture that God has given you and that he returned you to.

And then I would recommend that you read those, a couple of those or one of them slowly, three, four times, just taking a deep breath before you step into kind of the mud of things.

Um, because you're saying because what you're doing is you're taking a lot of rawness and a lot of your brokenness and you're putting it on the paper.

And this is a place the enemy can attack you.

So what you're saying is one, I'm gonna bring it to the Trinitarian God who can cover it, and two, I'm gonna bathe myself a little in scripture and truth as I do that so that I don't go astray.

Now, the Holy Spirit part, I I would recommend that you be very careful if you haven't walked along with God and you don't know a lot of scripture, or you don't have somebody you can go to who you trust who has walked a long time with God to look at what you've heard and say, that's not God, or yeah, no, those things fit very clearly in the scripture in scripture.

Um because you know, John 14 tells us that Jesus tells us he's sending us the spirit to remind us of the words of Jesus.

Now that doesn't necessarily just mean the words that are spoken in the Bible that are written, because Jesus has lots of words, um, but Jesus never contradicts himself.

And Jesus isn't a soothsayer, so he's the spirit of God is not going to go, and now I want you to go, you know, next door, knock on the door, and condemn them for you not going to get instructions like that.

The it is gonna be clearly truth being spoken to the agony and pain and frustration that you are wrestling with in those places, and so I think that's key.

So that's that's the module, and I know people so there's a couple things.

People don't like journaling, and and by the way, I didn't used to journal at all.

I hated journaling.

I thought journaling was a fad, I thought it was dumb, I thought it was for women.

I mean, I I have kind of like a contemptuous, like you know, and sexist view of journaling, to be honest with you.

And and what got it, God has broken that in me.

I filled journal after journal.

I don't want anybody reading those journals.

They're raw and beautiful, but they're transforming.

And so I know writing is difficult.

And for some, I have a severe learning disability.

Like most of what I write is misspelled and not real clear.

I'll edit it sometimes, like just so I can read it.

Um but uh there is something that happens in you when you write, and you're in your like pathways are are rewired and new things happen in you.

And so when you go and experience things that used to create anxiety and fear and anger in you, if you go through this process, you will find that it didn't happen.

Like you, or it happened at a reduced um rate because you were this is a beautiful way to regulate yourself and deal with the anxiety you have.

So that's all I have to say on this.

Do you have more to add to this?

I don't.

Thank you for sharing all your thoughts on it.

Module one, healing from your negative emotions.

Yay! It only works if you do it.

It only works if you do it.

And we know this because we've done it a lot.

Well, I think that's it.

Thank you, Susan.

You've been listening to Healing the City podcast with Susan Siepman and Eric Siepman.

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