Tom Mason

We're going to be in Ephesians tonight, Ephesians chapter 5.

Ephesians 5 · chapter mention

And I thought since it was young family ministry night, we would

talk about the family. We would talk about what the

Scriptures have to say to us about family.

So let's turn to Ephesians chapter 5, and we're going to

Ephesians 5 · chapter mention

start with verse 15. Therefore, be careful how you

walk, not as unwise men, but as wise, making the most of your

time, because the days are evil. So then, do not be foolish, but

understand what the will of the Lord is, and do not be drunk of

wine for that dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit,

speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual

songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord,

always giving thanks for all things in the name of the Lord

Jesus Christ to God, even the Father, and be subject to one

another in the fear of God. Verse 22 would say, Wives, be

subject to your own husbands as unto the Lord.

For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is also the

head of the church, he himself being the Savior of the body.

But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wife ought

to be subject to their own husbands and everything.

We will stop by reading right there, and we will move forward

with our message and then pick up the reading as we get to that

point. Ephesians.

These would be the people who lived in Ephesus.

Paul writes to the Ephesians. He is directing his message to

the Christians that lived in Ephesus, even though the word

would have been there long before Christians came.

Now many commentators would tell you that in many of the earlier

manuscripts, the words in Ephesus is not there because

this was more of a circular letter sent out for all the

Saints of that region, and therefore it does not have the

words in Ephesus. But they rush to tell you that

that does not change any of the theological meaning or emphasis

of this particular passage. So when we look at the

background and look at that, now we want to look at the letter.

Please remember it is a letter and not a book.

So it was not written in chapters and verses, although

that's what we have today is chapters and verses and it makes

it easy to do that way. But it was not written that way.

It was a letter. That being said, chapters 1-2

and three are instructions to us about who we are in Christ.

And when you go through these chapters and you read about the

things that we are in Christ, it gives us an opportunity to

praise Him and to have blessings, to enjoy the blessing

that we have, one writer said quote.

Above all things, this letter is of encouragement and admiration,

written to remind believers of their immense, immeasurable

blessing in Christ Jesus. And not only that for those

blessings, but also live in a manner worthy of them.

Now that's where chapters 4-5 and six come in, because of who

we are in Christ. Then 4-5 and six would tell us

how we ought to conduct ourselves because of who we are

in Christ. And that's the thing that we

ought to remember. As Christians we are called to

conduct ourselves in a particular manner and when we

see that, then we ought to live in that way.

And that's why Paul is giving us instructions in this area.

Now I'd like to move to Ephesians chapter 5 starting

Ephesians 5 · chapter mention

with verse 15. He says, therefore be careful

how you walk. The word walk in Scripture

always mean a manner of life, how it is that you conduct your

life, how it is that you love. So he says, therefore be careful

how you live. Remember who you are and be

careful how you live. He goes on to say not as unwise

men, but is wise. So when we show up, when we,

whether it's a job, whether it's the next door neighbor, whether

it's in the mall, whoever it is, how is it that we conduct

ourselves not as unwise people, but as wise as Paul instructs

the Saints here how to live because of who we are, he says

we are not to live as unwise people.

Have you ever been around unwise people?

Have you ever heard them talk? I remember when I was living in

Monrovia and I heard this guy in the streets one night.

I was in my house, but he was talking loud and he says my word

is my bond and I'm thinking this guy is a wino.

What kind of bond does he have? Or word?

That would be a foolish person. So you and I are being

instructed that we are not to live in that way.

And then he goes on to say in verse 16, he said making the

most of your time because the days are evil.

By the way, this was written in around AD 62.

And if Paul in his day could say, could say his days are

evil, what do we think we're saying now?

OK, But he says make the most of your time because the days are

evil. You and I as Christians must

make the most of our time. The old King James would say

redeeming the time when we see this word redeeming, it's used

four times in the New Testament and it means to buy back twice.

It is used of what Christ did for us in Galatians chapter 3

Galatians 3:13

verse 13. Christ redeemed us from the

curse of the law, having become a curse for us, for it is

written and curses everyone who hangs on a tree.

Christ redeemed us. Christ became a curse for us

that He might bring us to God. How did he do that?

The scripture already told us Cursed is everyone who hangs on

a tree, and Christ hung on a tree on your behalf and on my

behalf, that we then might come to know him.

Look at Galatians chapter 4 verses 4 to 7.

Galatians 4:4–7

He said, But when the fulfilment of time came, God sent his Son,

born of a woman, born under the law, so that he might redeem

those who were under the law, that we might receive the

adoption of sons. Because you are sons, God has

sent forth the Spirit of his Son into your heart, crying out of

our Father. Therefore you are no longer a

slave, but a son. And if a son, then an heir

through God. Now when he says you're no

longer a slave, OK, that's not a contradiction.

He's telling us we're no longer a slave to the law.

We're no longer under the law. God has redeemed us from that,

but now we are a Son and therefore we have an inheritance

through Christ to God, and He has brought this unto us.

And then in Colossians it is used of us, and it's interesting

how it is used. Colossians chapter 4, verses 5

Colossians 4:5

and 6. Conduct yourselves with wisdom

toward outsiders. Wow.

Conduct yourself with wisdom toward those who are not

Christians. Then, he says, making the most

of the opportunity. Let your speech always be with

grace as those seasoned with salt, so that you may know how

you are to respond to each person.

Now, you and I, whether we work, whether we go to school, we all

live in a world that has fallen or the world that is evil, as

the Bible calls it. He says you and I as Christians

must be careful to know how to conduct ourselves to those who

are outsiders, those who do not have what we have.

Why? Because you and I or to present

God to that person or those people and that's why we are to

conduct ourselves in a manner that would be worthy of that

person listening to us. Now, whether you had a ball game

or whether you at the store, whether you have work, if your

conduct is in a way that it is contradictory to what you will

share with the person when you start to share the Scripture,

that is not what he's talking about.

He is saying be careful how you conduct yourselves with

outsiders so that there would be no contradiction.

When you stop doing whatever it is that you are doing and you

start to share the Gospel, they will see that there is no

contradiction. That doesn't mean that it

guarantees that they're going to listen to you, but at least you

will have conducted yourself or I will have conducted myself in

a way that is worthy of God. Now back to Ephesians chapter 5,

Ephesians 5:17

verse 17. He says so then do not be

foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is and do not

get drunk with wine, for that is dissipation.

Now we don't use that word dissipation that much, but it's

talking about a dissolution way of life or way of living,

especially when it comes to the opportunity of drinking.

So he says here, do not be drunk with wine.

Now, sometimes that's a little draw for us because she was hey,

I I don't drink. I don't have that problem.

OK, But do you have a quick temper?

Do you have something else that's from the world that would

offend people? That's what he's saying.

Do not be controlled and directed by whatever that is.

That would bring dishonor to God.

If you don't drink, that's a good thing.

But if you have a high temper, then that's not a good thing.

So that's what he's pointing out to us here.

Matter of fact, I've heard people say, you know, I just

wish I had the opportunity to speak my mind to that person.

Well, it's probably a good thing that you didn't get to speak

your mind to that person. OK, So he's telling us here do

not be drunken wine, but then he gives us the other thing that we

ought to do but be filled with the Spirit.

Now this word filled means to be filled to the top where there's

nothing else that can get in there without it overflowing

that. That's what he's taught be

filled with, be all about the Spirit of God, that you are

controlled and directed by him. He is telling us to let the Word

of God control us through the Spirit of God, that we then

might honor Him in everything that we do.

And then he goes on in verse 19 and says, speaking to one

another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and

making malady in your heart to the Lord.

Note what he says in this verse in your heart.

You can't control anybody else's heart, but you can't control

your heart, he says. Do these things and make these

medalists in your heart. Now, that's pretty easy to do

when we all sitting in here together.

We're singing songs together, we're quoting the songs

together. We are doing this to be honoring

into the Lord. It's easy to do this in here.

Matter of fact, I share with people all the time on Sunday

morning that we all look like Christian sitting up in here.

How do we act Monday through Sunday when we're not here?

And matter of fact, he points out something to us interesting

here that he says in verse 20, he tells us in verse 19,

speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual

songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord.

But then in verse 20, he says always giving thanks for all

things in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ.

Wow. See, that's when they called me

individually to do something. I'm not in the group with you

now. I'm by myself.

And he says always give thanks for all things in Jesus Christ.

Now does that mean, you know, I leave here tonight and I get an

accident? I get out the car and say thank

you Lord for all of this. That's not what he's really

talking about, OK, But he is talking about in that same

accident, let's say I am delivered out of it unharmed.

I'm going to give thanks for that.

Let's say I am damaged in that and the paramedics have to come.

I can give thanks for that. I am giving thanks that it has

been provided that care for me is there.

Whatever this situation is doesn't mean all the situation

is going to be good. I just need to be equipped to do

it in an honorable way that I might put God on display.

Now Paul, as he's writing this letter from chapter 4, verse

one, Paul is telling us how it is that every St.

St. ought to conduct himself. It does not matter where the

Saint is in marriage. You may be before marriage, you

may be in marriage, you may have never been married, you may even

be after marriage for some of the reasons He's telling us how

it is that we are to conduct ourselves and see that's what we

have to remember as Christians, whatever situation God has us

in, He wants us in a particular way to conduct ourselves in that

manner. And when we see that, then we

can learn from that. Now, as we look at verse 21 and

following, this is not a change. He is going to address everyone

individually, but he's going to identify us in the church and

also in the family. Why in the church?

Look at verse 21, He says in this verse, and be subject to

one another in the fear of God. Let's look at the word subject

first. It means to arrange under or to

subordinate to subject, to be in subjection.

And this is one that we kind of shy away from to subject oneself

to obedience. Now, as I was thinking about

this, I'm what, what does the term mean?

It means to place yourself under, OK, to rank under.

That's really what it means. If I ask you the question, how

many presidents have we had in the United States?

Most of you could tell me that would be 45.

How many of those 45 presidents had no military experience?

I knew a few of them. I didn't know how many, so I

looked it up. It was 1414 of the 30 of the 45

had no military experience. But guess what?

The commander in chief is The commander in chief is the

individual who holds the ultimate control and command

over a military branch or armed force.

So the president, whether he has military experience or not, he

is the top man when it comes to the military.

So let's say the joint chief of staff walks in.

This guy probably got 30 years of military experience, and he

wants to do this. And the president says no.

The giant chief of staff has to rank himself under the

president. That's what he's calling for

here in the Scripture. You and I as Christians ought to

submit to one another. Now he's going to tell us how to

do it one person at a time. He's going to walk through this

and say this is how you do it. This is how you do it and this

is how you do it. Now the problem with this, we're

going to come to verse 22. We're going to meet that problem

head on. Wives being subjection to your

own husband. Now let's start right there.

I want you to notice be subject notices in italics in your

scripture. That means it was not there in

the original. So here how it should read wives

to your own husband, wives what to your own husbands.

You have to go back to verse 21. He has said be subject to one

another. So here is how the wife is to be

subject to her husband. Matter of fact, the end of the

verse end of the reading will tell us in everything.

OK leadership. That's why he starts with the

common leadership. OK wives, be subject to your own

husband as to the Lord. Notice he did not say because

he's smarter than you or even because he is bigger than you.

He says as unto the Lord. It doesn't mean that this man

knows more than you do. What it does mean is he has a

position and that position is husband, and then you as a wife

is to rank yourself under that. And that's how he calls us to

live and to honor him. And then he goes and give that

because it says 4 here in verse 23.

For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the

head of the church, He himself being the Savior of the body.

But as the Church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought

to be to their husbands in everything.

Notice it says wives to their husbands.

Your wife is not to be subject to me, or my wife is not to be

subject to every man here in the building.

It says to your husband, now there's the thing about

leadership in the church and everybody in the church is to be

under the leadership of father, the leadership of the leaders of

the church. That's talking about a different

thing here. It's talking about when it comes

to your family and what it deals with, with decisions that have

to be made in your family. The wife is to submit herself,

just as Christ is the head of the church, and the church

submits itself to Christ. By the way, if we don't submit

ourselves to Christ, that would be sin.

And so he's directing us here to do it in that manner, just as

Christ is the head of the church and gave himself for the body.

Christ did all of this for us. He left heaven and came down

here, became one of the creatures that he had created,

obedient to the law, obedient to God, died on the cross, was

raised from the dead by God and went back to heaven.

And now he's directing Paul that he might write this not I found

something interesting as I was reading this. 3 verses Paul

addresses the wife. The next 9 verses he addresses

the man. Wow, husbands, love your wife,

just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for

it. I want you to notice what words

are not inserted here in italics.

Submit yourself. Notice those words are not

injected here. But that's exactly what Paul is

telling the husbands. When it comes to your love for

yourself, then rank your love for yourself under your love for

your wife. And he's given us an example.

He says this is what Christ did and given himself up for us.

He ranked his love for himself beneath his love for you and to

give his life for us and to come down and live for us.

He says be subject to those words are not there, but the

idea is the same. This is how the husband is to

subject ourselves unto the one that we love, our wife.

Now you can tell your wife all you want to, you know, hey, I

love you honey, but if she doesn't see that you are doing

this, that's the problem. OK?

Matter of fact, my wife says to me a whole lot, hey Tom, I, I

love you and I'll say I love you.

But sometimes I'll say to my wife thank you.

And she looks at me, she says thank you.

I say, yeah, Don't I just get the privilege of saying I, I

thank you for loving me, you know, because that's what I say

when you do something, you know, I just think, y'all just say

thank you sometime, OK? But I try to demonstrate to my

wife that I love her. So when she hears it, it's not

something strange to her. Matter of fact, the guy called

me sometime back and he was talking to me about a situation

that he and his wife was going through and it was simply a car

dealership. OK, so no, no big, you know,

deal, but it was a car dealership.

He wanted to go to 1 and she wanted to go to another and he

wanted to know how do I put this love thing in the practice?

He says it would be very comfortable to go to this one

because it's 3 miles from my house, but the other one was 10

miles from the house where the wife wanted to go.

So I said you don't have a spiritual thing to deal with.

Your wife simply wants to know, are you willing to rank your

love for the short drive to her desire to go to 10 miles?

He said, OK, thank you. I didn't know what that was

called. That's a simple way of

demonstrating to the wife, hey, and you don't have to say,

honey, I'm doing this because I love you.

But if you simply do it, it would demonstrate to her that

yes, it would be easier for you to go to the short, the three,

the three job because that's where you want to go.

The three mile thing. But yeah, I'll go ahead and

drive to 10 miles. Yet it that's not a problem.

Let's go ahead and do that. And guys, we have to keep in

mind that when these things come up, they are come up for a

purpose that we might put God on display even in our own home,

even to our wives, that she might come to understand my

husband really cares for me. Now look at verse 26, talking

about Christ again. It says so that He might

sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of the water,

with the Word, that he might present to Himself the Church in

all her glory, having not spot or wrinkle or any such thing,

but that she would be holy and blameless.

Now notice he's talking about what Christ does for us as

believers, and what it is that He wants to do.

Is he present to Himself this holy and glorious body, the

bride? But there are some things in

here that I need to look at. Do I ever 'cause my wife to sin?

That would not be a glorious thing.

He wants to present to her. He wants to present her to him.

Holy and blameless. Do I do that with my wife is

what I need to ask the question? By the way, let me just maybe

meddle here for a little bit. What about tax time when you

have to sign that paper and the wife has to sign it and you're

signing for something that you know is not correct, honey, but

go ahead and sign it. Just put your name down here.

Or you really asking her to do something that you know is wrong

to do, but you're going to ask her to go ahead and do it

anyway? That's practical.

That's what he's talking about. I must do the things with my

wife that would not cause any spot or blemish on her or would

not cause her to be in an unholy position.

I want to put her in a position where she's blameless.

Now, can I control her sin? No, I cannot.

But I can control what I asked her to do.

And that's what he's talking about here.

That's what my love for my wife needs to to be like.

And it needs to be based on crisis love for me.

If when I do those things, then I can honor him.

Verse 28 would say so husbands ought also to love their wives

as their own body. He who loves his own wife loves

himself, for no one has ever hated his own flesh, but

nourished and cherished it, just as Christ also does the church.

And then we say, well, what about all these people that go

around and say I just hate myself?

The scripture says no one hates themselves.

Now they they have an argument. Is the argument against

scripture or the arguments against you?

The argument would it be against Scripture?

Matter of fact, somebody told me the other day that they were

sinful because God made them that way.

He said no, he did not. Oh, oh, Oh yes he did.

No, he did not. Can you prove that?

Yes, I can. Genesis chapter 5 says God

Genesis 5 · chapter mention

created Adam and he created Adam in his image.

That tells us how you made Adam. Then the next verse says, and

Adam begot children in his image.

Guess what? Was Adam's image sinful?

Now you can blame Adam if you want to for being sinful, but

you are responsible for the sin that you're in.

And that's what I shared with the guy.

You're responsible. Why?

Because you have been confronted with the fact that even your

thought that God made you this way is wrong.

You are a Sinner because sin has been passed down to all of us.

So when we share these things, we have to remember who we are

and that God has nourished and cherished the church.

Verse 30. Because we are members of His

body. For this reason a man shall

leave his father and mother, and they shall be joined to his

wife, and the two shall become one flesh. 1/4 Scripture

Genesis. Then he says, this ministry is

great, but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the

church. He says all I have gone through

here may seem like a mystery to you, and it is a great mystery

because I am talking about Christ and His relationship to

the Church. But noted verse 33.

Nevertheless, each individual among you ought also to love his

wife even as himself, and the wife must see that she respects

her husband. This is everything I've laid out

here for you has been about Christ and the Church and how

you ought to act in that relationship.

But I want you to also know the husband and the wife must follow

this as well in their relationship because then it

tells you how it is that you ought to submit to one another.

And I think in that phrase we lose emphasis on it when he says

submit to one another. We men love that verse 22 wives

be subjected and we hardly ever mentioned that the words be

subject was added there. There were not.

We just love the idea of being over somebody.

But he's instructing us on how it is that we can be submissive

to one another. And he starts this by helping us

to understand what the wife's position is when it comes to

leadership by the way of counseling a guy and his wife

there years ago. They've they've moved on, but he

said to me, he said my wife is in charge of everything in the

house and I love it that way. And I'm thinking why do the

counseling, why continue it if you already have decided that

she's the head of the house and she's going to control.

He says when it comes to decision making, my wife makes

all the decision in the house. What can I counsel?

So I just said, OK, move on. And they eventually moved on

from the church. But this is what he's telling us

how it is we're to conduct ourselves.

Wives, here's what you're to do. Husbands, here's what we are to

do. And by the way, if you're

planning to get married, if you're still in that position,

you want to look for someone who will honor this.

And when I say this, I really do mean the scripture.

Honor all of it. And part of that is, are you

willing as a female? Are you willing to submit

yourself to this person's leadership?

That's a question you need to ask.

Then for the males, you have to ask you a question.

Is this the woman that I want to lead the rest of my life?

And when you make that decision, the rest of the decision

actually will come a lot easier. By the way, Joby and Sandy share

with me, I think it was Sunday, that this was their 33rd

anniversary of marriage. That's that's a long time and

there are people here that's been married longer than that.

But guess what? It goes back to a decision that

was made during dating time. Is this the person that I really

want to submit to, or is this the person that I can really

love above loving myself? And when we do those things,

then we will honor God and as we move forward to put this thing

together. And then one other thing about

this premarital thing. There there be no secrets.

If you have any, go ahead and deal with them.

Go ahead and address them, but let that person know here's what

we are dealing with and here's what's ahead of us.

That person might say to you, but thank you for sharing that.

I just want to be friends and we are now.

I'll move on and that's OK. Making that decision after you

married is not OK. And that's the thing that you

have to look at. Some of you probably know this,

but I'll share with you anyway. When Don and I came to this

point of deciding that we was going to date, I was in the

worst financial situation of my life.

Before we had our first date. I wanted her to know that so she

could make a decision. Yes, I will move forward with

this a no partner. We're just going to be friends

and be done with it. So I, I said, I matter of fact

done in my first date was bring your budget.

No kidding. We literally brought our budget

before we decided to go on our first date so she could see what

I was dealing with because I wanted to share with her the

truth of everything that I had. And I told her, I said, these

are my bills. This is what I had.

This is my my financial situation.

But if we get married, they are not mine, they are ours.

And she took a look at it and well, as they said, the rest is

history. But we had that situation.

And by the way, Donna's budget looked really nice and then the

whole thing laid out the before she showed her me and showed me

a payment that she had for a loan that she had.

I said, Donna then payment is not going to pay that off in 10

years. She said, yes, it is.

It's a 10 year loan as I'm not arguing that.

I'm just telling you the payment isn't going to pay that off.

And and by the way, Donna and Mary Lee was roommates at the

time. I used to go by on the weekend

and put it in a window for Donna.

She had got the loan to put the window in the house.

Is it she said, I'll show you the the contract when you come

over this weekend. So I went over the weekend and I

saw it and it said right around the top, this is a non

ameritized loan. You know what ameritized means?

It means to die off. So this is a non dying off loan.

What does? That's a cute word to say.

This is an interest only loan. Donna didn't know that.

But when we sit down and took a look at it, then we know that

this whatever money you borrowed now 10 years down the road and

you paid others and you still going over that same amount of

money. But we had to come up with how

it is we would deal with these things.

Looking at my budget and her budget and we put them together

and God has blessed in that. And so those are the things you

want to do in being truthful to one another so you don't get to

the other side and then say, oh, by the way, I have these things

you ought to take a look at and if that has happened already in

your marriage is not too late to deal with it.

You can deal with it. You can confess it and and and

deal with those things, but it's best if we do it upfront.

Now this passage that we have gone through, we've dealt with

the husband and the wife. In two weeks we're going to come

back and we're going to pick up the children and the parents.

Then we're going to pick up the employee and the employers now

in our Bible just tells us the slave and the slave master.

We don't have those these days. We have employer and employ

yours. And that's what he's talking

about. Why does he address in

individually? Because he is addressing the

whole church and everybody in the church is in one of those

categories, either wife or husband, a child, a parent, an

employee or an employer. Now, if you're like me, you're

retired, but you've been through that.

And so that's what he's telling us, how to conduct ourselves,

how to submit ourselves to one another in every area that we

have to come across, whether you are the parent.

How many of us as parent ever thought about submitting

ourselves to our children? We really don't.

We think about children obey your parents and that's kind of

all we think about. But he's telling us and that how

it is you can do both, how both has to happen.

And so that's what we'll do when we come back together in two

weeks. Deal with those so we can

address this entire issue. Let us pray.

Father, we do. Thank you for your great grace

toward us. Thank you for our time and your

word. Thank you for all that you share

with us that we might honor you in all that we do.

We praise you for who you are. I thank you for giving yourself

for us to remove us from being subject to the law, to bring us

in to make us children of God, that we then might honor you and

all that we do. We do pray to us in Christ's

name and for a sake we ask it. Amen.