Red Flags / Green Flags of pursuing a Romantic Relationship | City Post Pod w/ Hector

City Post. What up?

We back here for another episode of Build Equip Send.

It's the title, the podcast, but most importantly, it's the

mission of the church and I'm here with.

Pastor Ricky, what's up everybody?

Hope you guys are doing great. Yeah, man, it's gonna be super

real, this one. Yeah.

There's one of the ones Holy Spirit is like, I man, I got to,

I got to sit you down and talk to you for a little bit.

Man, and I remember like asking you, I was like, man, So what

are you feeling today? Like what, what, what topic has

the Lord laid on your heart? And then you shot me this text

and I saw it and I was like, OK, I think this is yeah, like this

is something that is great. I think it's timely and.

And I'll be honest with you man, like I'm.

I'm passionate about this because this topic right here

that we're about to talk about has LED more people away from

the Lord and more people away from their calling and has ah

man, I don't want to say ruin lives, but I cause delays, self

sabotage, cause delays. Like a lot of stuff that we've

talked about all have stemmed just from like this topic right

here. So man, this is yeah.

So I'm glad that God put this on you to to talk about I.

Appreciate it, man. And just just to clarify, I'm

people. I'm people in every context he

just referred to. I've been all of those in

various seasons of my life, but I'm so thankful.

For Jesus, Grace. Come on, man.

That's right. Yeah, man.

Yeah. So the topic is today is

biblical pursuit of romantic relationships.

On Snap. Like, and what that looks like.

Just going to jump it off with a very honest question is how do I

steward my singleness well? Yeah.

And I think that's a great, I think that's a great place to

start because immediately when we talk about and I like that,

sorry I'm all over the place right now, but I love that you

said biblical pursuit of a romantic relationship.

I think that is a really mature way to say things and it all

starts with you content with just you and God.

Like it has to start. I am pleased with where God has

me and you could be, you could have the desire to get married.

I mean, the Bible says like, like marriage is a great thing.

God created it. You could have a desire to be

married and yet still be content in your singleness.

Like I know a lot of people think that it's either one or

the other. You know, you're single, then

you're mad because you're not married.

Or if you're mad, you're mad because you're not single, which

is something that Paul talks about.

But and also like, you know, in First Corinthians 7 verse 7, you

1 Corinthians 7:7

know, Paul even says he's like some people are called to be

single. Like God calls people not to be

married. And the reason is, is because

God has a specific will and purpose and plan for their life.

And marriage would actually hinder that, that plan that God

has. But then he calls others to be

married it also. So the Lord is is doing this

singleness. I'm going to go ahead and say

it's a gift from the Lord. Singleness is a gift from God.

Now people are looking at me like, well, Rick, you're not

single, you're married. I said, yeah, but I remember

when I was single. And now that I'm married, I look

back And if you think of like, your single days, like how you

could say yes to whatever because you don't have anybody

to worry about, there's a specific type of freedom and

singleness. There's a contentment and

singleness. You know, like the older my

babies get, the harder it is for me to leave.

And when I'm single, I'm like, yeah, let's go.

I go on five mission trips this year.

You know, now I'm like juggling in my mind, like, OK, how I

could only be gone a certain amount.

And it's not because of my work. It's not because of what I want

to do. No, it's I'm a father and I miss

my kids and I want to be there for my kids.

So singleness is a gift from God and I think you could be single

and not lonely. A lot of people equate both.

Right, that's. Real, you know, like like you

could have and even I told I told people this all the time

because I really me personally, I don't think I don't think

people should date like get in the serious relationships until

they're in college. Like I try to discredit middle

school like, oh, is that your girlfriend?

Like no, don't do that. Like that's that's so dumb.

And even high school, like when I see people, I'm like, like

when you go to college, like it's, it's going to go away.

And I, I know that's, that's mean, but you know, like you

grow so much as a person from the age, if you think of

adolescence for men, for guys, adolescence doesn't end like

it's, it's expanding. Adolescence doesn't end to like

the age of like 2526 now because it's, it's just been expanding,

it's been growing and it's starting earlier.

And then for, for women, I think it, it goes to about the age of

like 2118 to 21. So if you think about your, the

years that you develop the most and you mature the most and you

grow the most, you know, like those are like in your college

years, like your, your late, early, late 20s.

So if I'm 15 or 16 years old, like, why am I getting so deep

into a relationship when I'm going to change, you know?

Now don't get me wrong, I know some people like my high school

sweetheart, like I met your mom when I was 17.

I was like, yeah, but coke used to be a nickel, you know what

I'm saying? Like back in the day, I paid

$0.90 for a gallon of gas. Like, things change.

Times change, the way people develop change, you know?

So I, I, so I say all that to defend my like, man, Ricky,

you're just wrong. I'm like, no, like it's just,

it's true. So if singleness is a gift from

God, James 117, every good and perfect gift comes from above.

So singleness is a gift from God.

That means that it's one of God's perfect gifts.

It's not a curse, you know, and I think people need to steward

their singleness correctly. And you need to work on

yourself, get your future ready so you could take care of that

person, you know, because it's not just a walk in the park.

It's a great time to grow. It's a great time to try things.

It's a great time to get your, your, your career or whatever

you want to do to make a living, you know, like all those things.

This is the time to do it. And then as you're pursuing the

Lord, one day you're going to look up and there's going to be

somebody right next to you that's doing the same exact

thing pursuing the Lord. And you'll be like, what's up?

Like, oh, hey. It's a great reminder that you

say that because I was listening back to our pod about being

equally yoked and you almost said the same thing verbatim.

Wow. About when you met Rach?

It's true. Man.

Because here's the thing, I'm, I'm just going to keep it all

the way real with you guys. You have no business being in a

relationship with somebody that doesn't know the Lord, right?

Especially if you're a believer, especially if you're a man of

God, especially if you have a specific calling on your life.

And whenever you say, you know what, she's hot, she might not

love Jesus like I do. And then you start making up

excuses. I mean, I've done it.

We're like in college, I caught interest of this one girl and

her family was real strong Catholicism.

And I remember we were having these conversations about the

future and she was telling me of the place she want to get

married and the priest she wanted and like, how was her

dream? And all I could think of in my

mind was like, this ain't going to fly with my family.

You know, like, like, no, I'm not doing all that.

You see, stuff like that. Like, I just believe that the

Bible is very clear, you know, like what does light have to do

with darkness? And I, I also believe that if

so, talking theology, if the Lord is sovereign, right?

Like if God is all sovereign and God is all knowing, and God's

will, ways and purposes are perfect for your life, why would

God send you somebody to contradict his will and calling?

It does not make sense, You know, like it doesn't, I don't

care how fine she is. It doesn't.

I don't care how lonely you are. It just doesn't make sense.

Yeah. Man, it's real tell you Holy

Spirit being like put on my neck today, bro.

So what does that look like starting it?

Well, though, like, yeah, you know, I think for me personally,

and I'm trying to figure out the balance aspect of it, you know,

because serving more and I just I don't want a distraction to

come and hinder that in to be super real with preparing to go

to India, you know, into I want to be a be capable of being a

vessel for the Holy Spirit to use in pride, right.

Yeah, man. So I will say this, if she's a

woman of God, she's not a distraction.

She's actually an enhancement to what the Lord is doing in your

life. So if, if this this person is

coming in and, and y'all are not aligning with theology and how

you view things and the Lord, and then she's a distraction,

then that might not be either either she's you know, it's not

the one or the timing is not right.

And there still needs to be some maturity that needs to happen.

I'll give you a good example, man, a few years, a few years

ago when we went to India, there was a young man that was with us

and he was dating somebody for I think like 3 or 4 weeks at the

time. Girl Christian girl like and

they're actually married right now.

It was great. On the trip, one of the flight

attendants made a joke, like, we were chopping it up and we were

on Air Canada chopping it up in the back of the plane.

She's just asking about us. And, you know, Stefan's like,

yeah, this is. And then she got to this person

and he said the same thing. I have a girlfriend.

And then she goes, how old are you?

And he's like, I'm 21. And she's like, oh, that's not

going to last. But she said it jokingly.

That comment ruined the whole trip for this cat.

The rest of the trip, this dude was on his phone, he was not

paying attention to the kids, he was isolating.

He was just constantly on his phone with quote UN quote

girlfriend and it was like he couldn't focus.

And that's a maturity issue right there.

You know what I mean? Like that's, that's not like

we've prayed up, raised all this money and you're going to let 1

little tiny comment Jack up the whole entire trip?

It's back to that emotional regulation.

Hey, yeah, hey, we talked about that like yeah, you're right,

you know, and we're all looking at them like bro, like come on

man, this is like 7 days y'all go see each other, chill out.

But yeah, so I think it's a maturity thing and and you can't

let now if you know it's going to be a distraction, like you

know yourself, I know myself, then just wait.

This timing is not right and there ain't no harm being

friends. It is real.

I could talk to you on the phone and not be madly in love with

you. You know, like I got friends and

that's OK to get to know people. Man, it's real.

Dang, bro. So.

So back to the topic of a biblical pursuit in a romantic

relationship. How do we define that?

Man, I think it is. I think it is.

It's when the Lord opens your eyes to somebody, you want to

treat her in a way that is biblical, and then it's vice

versa. So if I'm talking to a girl, you

want to treat him in a way that's biblical.

So what does the Bible say, you know, about sexual purity, about

serving together, about intimacy, about not testing the

lines, you know? So like, if I know that she's a

woman of God, I'm not going to try to put her in positions to

cause her to sin. That's real.

Yeah. Sheesh.

So we're going to avoid that. Yeah.

And it's just stuff like that, you know, like I if I know I

can't control myself, like if I know like I can't keep my hands

off of her, I'm not going to schedule movie and Netflix.

We're going to go do some in public, you know, like, and I

know it sounds silly, but that that's what I'm talking about,

though, because like, I want to steward this so well.

I want this relationship to work, that I want to protect

you, you know, and protect myself, too.

Yeah. So I think that's what that

looks like, you know? And then, of course, friendship

is the foundation. Starting off as friends, slow,

get to know each other, get to know likes, dislikes, like man,

just take time. Take your time with it.

And as the relationship grows, I think the Lord's going to make

it evident. Yeah.

And then if she's a woman of God, then she knows Scripture

and she's going to understand her role in all this, you know?

That's a perfect segue into red flags, green flags.

Let's play a game, girl, man. Yeah, you like, I'll give you

just before we jump into that, I want to get like a quick example

because I think, I think Rach, for me, Rach helped me.

I remember we were dating for a while, and as we started getting

more serious, I remember asking her.

I said, hey, I would love for you to come and think about it,

Like, like, visit the church, maybe serve with me.

I know you're probably at another church right now, bro.

She didn't think twice. She said yeah.

And I remember I gave her a bilingual Bible.

I was like, hey, we go to Spanish church, and I work with

the youth there. But like she understood

spiritual leadership and that was one of her.

You could talk to her about it, but like she wanted somebody

that would lead well, you know which I, you know, we talked

about it later on. But so, yeah, so like that's

anyway just knowing how, how it all operates and works and stuff

like that. Like that's, yeah, that's it.

That's a woman of God. Right, and that's huge there,

Bros like you even bringing that that up in the the words chosen.

Like I've been going through this Bible study through the

book of Kings with my brother Jared and my nephew Nicholas.

And you know, towards the end of our or at the end of our last

Bible study on Friday, I was like, man, like, let's spend

some time like all going before the Lord together and see what

he wants to speak to us, what he wants us to take away and apply

this week. And like, almost instantly, Holy

Spirit's like, lead better. Yeah.

Like you just got to lead better because I'd be tripping

sometimes. Yeah.

So like, like you saying that in I got to lead better in, you

know, that pursuit. I got to lead better in, in that

aspect too, man. So.

Yeah. And it goes back to what we

talked about. It's like the regulating the

emotions and that's part of leadership, you know, so it's

kind of putting the needs of everybody else before yourself

because even as a man, that's what God asks us to do in

Ephesians 6, you know, like you lay your life down for your

wife. So that means she, her knee,

everything comes first. Like I come second.

So I can't, you can't be selfish and married.

It's impossible. So I can't say things like

that's just who I am. Too bad.

No, you, you regulate that. Like you have to fix that.

It was when I was talking to our brother Gavino man like and I

was just saying whenever, whenever Rach had lived, Elena

rage has always been around babies like adoption, parent,

caseworker, comfortable, knows what to do and mothers have that

instinct anyway, Bro, I didn't know anything.

I didn't know how to change diapers.

I didn't know what to do. So a lot of it for me was

learning. Now I don't know nothing about

babies and kids so you don't see me saying that's not my thing

and walking away. But I do know how to serve my

wife. So what do I do?

I ask her what to do and I say can I help with anything?

Hey, I don't know how to clean this tar, but right now I don't

know how to wash a bottle. I don't know how to make

formula. Can tell me what I need to do so

that way I can help you see there.

You see the difference though, of like, I don't know, it's so

too bad that's on you versus I want to serve you well.

And, and I think that's where people get it twisted.

So if you're not there, then you have no business wanting to get

married. You need to work.

You need some time. Man, it's.

Hard. For real.

So you talked about red flags. I think the ultimate red flag is

not loving Jesus like you. I don't care if you go to

church. Everybody goes to church in

North Texas. I don't care if you've been

church hurt. We've all been church hurt.

It has to supersede Jesus has to supersede everything.

And, and I think whenever you're with somebody that doesn't have

that same love and drive and passion for the things of the

Lord, that's a massive red flag. That's not something that can,

this isn't missionary dating. That's not something that that

can be developed. That should be something that's

in there already. You know, that's a bar

missionary. Yeah, but.

They she don't know Christ, but I'm going to witness to her.

She will when I'm done. No, that's not true.

It actually has what I've noticed.

It has the opposite effect. It actually pulls people away

from their faith instead of like bringing up the person that's

lost. So I'm just saying.

So I think that's a main red flag.

And then when we talk about the Bible doesn't talk about dating,

there's no passage that says thou shalt date this many years.

And no, but the Bible talks a lot about character.

And I like First Timothy 412, you know, and that's a, that's a

passage that all of us know, but, and I'll just read it, it

says don't let anyone look down on you because you are young,

but set an example for the believers in speech, conduct,

love, faith and purity. So those five things must be

present in, in that person's character.

So the way they speak their faith, I'm I'm keeping 100.

The way they dress right says a lot.

I know it's hot outside, but I don't need your booty cheeks

hanging out like like like this true, like it's that's a

character issue because you know what you're doing and it goes

for guys too. It sounds weird saying that, but

but think about how they talk to people, how they treat people.

I think a red flag is when you go out to eat, the way that that

person treats a waiter, A waitress, the way they talk to

their parents. I mean, these are all things

that you need to pay attention to, you know?

North Texas everybody go to church everybody claims that no

God have a relationship with God with the fruit is going to be is

like yeah that that really that one struck A chord there but say

say you know someone that does love Jesus like me.

What are some? But how do we set and up hold

clear boundaries to keep us on the right track?

Yeah, and I think communication is, it's got to be key.

Communication's important, like sharing, like hey, these are the

things I struggle with and these are things that like I don't

want to get put into. So like if you're a person that

struggles with lust, then you need to tell that person ahead

of time. Like I can't I don't want to

watch that movie because, you know, home girl has her boobs

all out and then I'm sitting next to you and this is not

going good. You know what I mean?

Like I think it's OK to be honest.

You have to be honest. Or like if you struggle with

alcohol, like, hey, I don't want to go there.

There's a bar that's going to be right in my face.

Or I know you like your martinis, but I just want to ask

right now, like if you could just get like a water because so

just, yeah, just having those honest conversations.

And I think that draws the line. And then also not being together

alone, being together with other people, like staying in grooves,

hanging out with lots of people. Yeah.

I've noticed like a lot of relationships, when people like

start dating, they, they seclude themselves.

And those are the relationships that are not healthy.

But when you see a relationship that is healthy, that there's

joy in it, that the Lord is the center of it, you don't have

those insecurities of like pulling away or I don't say

leechiness. You know, I want to be careful

because I know some people like they might have some, you know,

they just want to be with somebody.

That's fine. But when you don't want to be

around other people, there's a little that's that's there's a

little bit of a red flag there, OK, Like, why not?

Right. Jeez.

Yeah. What about like some yellow

flag? Yellow flags she loved.

Jesus, but she she listens to Soldier Boy.

She loves Jesus, but she's a Drake fan.

No, I'm just joking. I just keep going.

Yeah, man. What about like some like I know

you mentioned the passages from Timothy.

You know the characters there What a What are some biblical

green flags to? Look for and all that.

I think that's great. I think, you know, the book of

Proverbs talks about the heart. And in a nutshell, the book of

Proverbs pretty much says it doesn't matter what she looks

like. If her heart's beautiful, people

are going to find her attractive.

It's not because of the physical appearance, it's because of her

heart. But on the opposite, the Bible

says a woman without discretion is like a gold ring and a pig

snout. You know what I mean?

So, so I think that the green flags are a character and a love

for Christ, how she treats people, how she treats others,

how she serves in the church, respectfulness, like like all

these things are are green flags.

And notice I didn't say anything about looks yet.

I didn't say nothing about career stuff like that.

But also Speaking of that, I think like somebody that is has

goals like stuff they wanna accomplish in life.

Those are great green flags. So, like the person that God

brings. I mean, they should make you a

better man, not a worse man. Yeah, there's so much in this.

Yeah, bro, yeah, I see right now.

But also remember like the purpose of marriage.

We talked about this in Genesis too.

Illustration, sanctification, procreation.

So if y'all together is not a good illustration of how Christ

loves the church or the bride, then it's probably not a good

idea, you know, because that's where you're headed to right

now. Is it going to be perfect?

No, nothing is. Our relationships will work.

But those should be your guidelines, right?

You know. It's the, it's the foundation it

should be on, you know, for it to, to be successful because

there's so many toxic relationships that people like

just settle for. Yeah, and that, and that's the

thing, like we, we settle because we don't think we could

get better, you know, like, and I think that that's a an

identity issue and a self esteem issue because it's like, I can't

do better than this. So I'm going to put up with all

the garbage and I'm going to be a doormat and just take it

because I don't think I could do better.

And God says something totally different, right?

So. So what does scripture say?

I mean, I know you mentioned, you know, like that, like what

is like identity like. Yeah, I mean, that all just

goes. I mean, we see it in Galatians

and Ephesians. Paul's real clear about

adoption. You know, like, as we're talking

about the gospel, like you have like what Gary's talked about

and you have like justification and then you have adoption and

then you have glorification. You know, so it's like, like,

like when you know that you belong to God and God's our

Father, and then we know the character of God.

God wants what's best for his kids and God has a plan for you

that's going to do all these amazing things.

So so if you know that you belong to God and you know who

God is and you know the character of God, then you're

going to recognize when something is not from him.

You know, like, and I know that my father had wants what's best

for me. So when it's not, then I'm going

to be like God. I'm have to trust you on this

one. But this ain't it.

Like. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm done.

This is my favorite segment. I feel like I'm getting charged

up in the spirit God like this. Is what it is, man.

Like, what's he saving you from, right?

Yeah, you. Know, and that thank you thank

you for that because, yeah, again, back to the emotional

regulation like yeah, it's uncomfortable, you know, but

like you're saying what I'm thankful that the Holy Spirit is

convicting me. I'm thankful that the Holy

Spirit is like I told you First off, like I told you, you're

just being dumb like. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But now you want to make a whole podcast about it, so I'll

charge. You up like that's how.

My relationship with the Lord Beasts of.

The Ray That's right. And then and then we got to have

an honest conversation too. And man, I'm have to go here

because so if, if you know, if you know that this person is not

a believer, you know that this is not where you're supposed to

be. But yet on Sunday morning,

you're up here like raising your hands, praising the Lord, all

that stuff. Like, like there's a disconnect,

you know what I mean? Like there's a disconnect.

And I'm not saying that we have to be, don't, don't hear me

wrong. I'm not saying we have to be

perfect and that we, but like the Lord has spoken.

He's shown you have his word, you know, like we know.

So like we have to, we, we, we have to trust them.

And, and it's more than words. It's how you live your life.

I mean, you just talked about like the banging of the fruit.

So I that's, I know that's kind of a funky topic, but it's like

we talk is cheap, man. Like you have to be able to,

like I'm going to talk about on Sunday, you know, we're talking

about justification, Romans 5. And it's prove yourself.

Like it talks about character, but it's proven character.

Like that's the tense, That's the that's the verb in the text.

So he's not talking about you saying you have character, Paul,

saying that you have to show that you have character, you

know, And so it's, it's about showing the fruit that God is

producing in your life. Yeah.

Hey, that's real, man. That's.

Hard dude. Yeah.

Man, I mean, even for myself, like these are these are things

that I, I pray through and I ask myself as a pastor, like, am I

showing, you know, like God, I'm saying I trust you, right?

What am I doing? You know, am I, am I putting my

foot forward and my show and am I saying, OK, let's do it.

Here's an opportunity. I'm going to jump in.

I have no idea what what it's going to produce, but we're

going to go right. Sheesh.

Yeah. Yeah, man.

Well, let's go to this segment, bro.

It's becoming my favorite segment.

We make T-shirts, Yeah, I'm telling you.

Man, that's funny. My nephew literally asked me

yesterday. Bro, when are you going to make

merch? I was.

Like, I'm going to look into it. Yeah.

Like, pastor homie, I told Rage I was like, I want that shirt.

My pastor homie. That is the greatest thing ever.

Shut up bro. Yeah, man, but we're going to

showcase my pastor homie, because he got bars.

So yeah, man, so on on this topic, what are what are like

some gyms, some bars, some some wisdom you want to impart?

Man, I, you know, when we brought this up, so we talked

about stewarding singleness. And I think when you waste

singleness, you end up in the wasteland of relationships.

So it just trickles down because now you have wasted potential,

you have wasted time, you have wasted money, and you're wasting

your life in a wasteland of a relationship.

Like, shit, what are we doing? And then you look up, you're

like, what happened to those like years?

You know, like, I could have been like doing all these things

and I don't. And man, I hate when people use

that as an excuse of like, yeah, but like, God allowed me to go

through that. And I was like, yes, things work

out for the good of those who love him, but it was your bad

decision making that that led you down this path, you know,

And but because we serve a God that restores and redeems when

we repent, then he starts to work it for him, his good, you

know, but I think that if we don't steward or singleness well

and we waste it, then we we just grab whatever comes our way,

right? You know, it's like, Hey, you

breathing. Hey, let's look up like, it's

like you don't care. Oh, you ate this.

It's cool. I'll do my thing on Sunday.

You can do yours. But hey, you're cute.

Like, like you end up compromising and you can't

compromise. That's a good word.

For it, yeah, compromising. You compromise, you're cute, you

give me attention, you hold my hand, you pick me up, you have

money. You know, belief is it's not

that serious and we do that. I see it all the time.

So I just think it starts and I'm glad you started.

It starts with being single, being content in the Lord,

having a good relationship with God, and then you wait on his

timing. And what I always see, like,

man, I see this time and time and time again, when you are

serving the Lord, that's when he's like, OK, boom.

It's never in like the wasteland.

It's always why you're serving him.

Yeah. Look at Adam, man.

What was Adam doing? Working, working.

He wasn't just working. He was doing what God commanded

him to do. His assignment.

His. Assignment that God gave him.

And as Adam is doing it, there was a desire in his heart

because what does the Bible say? He looked around.

He's like, man, like I feel like I should have somebody, you

know, And I think that when you're serving the Lord and when

you're, when you're obedient to him, there's going to be a

desire that comes. And then that's when it's like,

all right, Lord, like whatever you decide, I trust you.

And then out of nowhere, you're going to look up and that

person's going to be right there, you know, like, but he's

got to serve and got to be faithful.

Boom, boom, boom. Yeah.

Yeah, huge word in that that I've always wrestled with

because in my mind it's always had a negative connotation.

It's content, content and the Lord like for my mind for so

long contentment like barely. You just gave up.

Like you said, you know what I mean.

I got you and to to but his nose like I'm at peace with where the

Lord has me. I'm at.

I have joy in serving him like that.

That just registered that thought, yes, that's never made

sense to me to like this moment. Because even like when you look

at how Paul uses in Philippians, Paul, Paul says it like I'm

content in any situation. I've been hungry, I've been

full, I've been poor, I've been taken care of.

I I've slept on the road, I've slept in the house, but because

of Christ, I'm content. So it's like you have to get to

that place where you're like, you know what, single, whatever

it is, girlfriend, whatever, whatever.

I'm content with Jesus, you know, like I'm happy with him.

And that's contentment. Yeah.

So the I don't care is not on the side of Christ.

The I don't care is I don't care about anything else because of

Christ. Like everything else, who cares?

I got Jesus. Blacked out.

Hey man, that's the Holy Spirit bro.

Yeah, it's true. You know, And I think when it

comes to toxic traits, I think that the greatest toxic trait

that that person should have is high standards and that they

love Christ because some people, the world's going to see them

and be like, man, now that you're too much like that's too

like, like I was like, no, that's, that's great because you

know your worth. That was right there, bro,

Because that that's one I've, I've struggled with my whole

life. And I feel like I'm finally

getting to a, a place where I'm understanding like the the worst

that God sees me in learning to take on that identity and

regulate those emotions and, and fill in my mind with how he

values me rather than how I see myself or how the world world

devalues me or you know what I mean?

Like, right. Yeah.

Bro. Me.

And you know, like, and I say that because like, even like

with Rach, Rach always made me a better person.

She always made me a better man. I'm, I'm laid back, bro.

Like I'm satisfied very simply. Like, I don't need a lot to be

happy. But rage would always, she

didn't push with like, materialistic things.

It was, man, you have so much more to give.

And she would always encourage me.

And I remember, like in ministry, I would come back and

be like, Dang, I jacked that up. And she's like, hey, man, at

least she did it. Like, keep going.

And even like with seminary, when I felt called to get better

prepared for ministry, she like was she had my back.

She's like, let's do it. And then she'd be like, I need

to read your papers before you turn it in.

And she'd take that red pen out. I'd get so mad.

I was like, it's a 22 pager, man.

You gonna mark it all up like that?

And but it was because she cared.

Like she made me better. So the times I wanted to quit,

she was like, don't keep going. What do I need to do to help

you? You see that that's that's what

it should be. Yeah.

And I think back to to Genesis. That's a helpmate.

A helper. Yeah, Yeah, that's right.

That's that's right. That's a good point.

Like I said, like God sent him a suitable helper.

And I think that we missed the word suitable facts.

Yeah, you're helping me, but that's not the help I need.

Faxed. Yeah, man.

Yeah, And I always go back to like, OK, like, I have a

passion. When I met Rach, I had a passion

for teenagers, ministry, the church.

I love students. We had students at my house all

the time watching UFC on my tiny little apartment.

What if Rach hated students? What if she hated the church?

What if she didn't care? Me.

Bro that would never work. That would be a mess.

What if I was like, I feel called to pastor and she's like,

all right, good luck. That ain't going to work.

That's why I see these cats leaving ministry, because they

don't think about the other half.

This ain't A1 row, man. It's both.

Y'all so. Hey.

Yeah, dude. This will hurt bro, but but

thank you man. And that's something I was

talking to to my best friend J. He flew in from Nashville for

for one of his college roommates wedding and we went to cane

Sunday before he left like literally like on his way to the

airport. And that's something is like,

bro, like I know you're, you're doing all these things, like

you're checking all these boxes, but like, you need discipleship.

And like, like kind of charged him up a little bit.

And he said, he texted me this morning.

He's like, man, like, thank you for that.

That's good. You know, cuz he's, he's being

more intentional. But I say, I like to say this,

I'm gonna send this to him. Like JJ, this is what

discipleship looks like, like this, like my pastor homie, like

holding me accountable, calling me out, like, you know what I

mean? That's discipleship leading me

in and where I said I wanted to go and now I want to serve the

Lord. Where Right, You know, like,

yeah, man. So, so thank you for that, bro.

Like this has probably been our most uncomfortable conversation

for me, but I know it's going to be the one I grow the most from.

That's good to know, man. And and that's one thing I want

to make sure like people understand.

It's not about a set of rules, you know, like discipleship

should not be one person just being like, you can't do that.

You can't do that. Why are you doing that?

That that's not it, bro. That's been a Pharisee.

And the goal is for the other person to grow.

And what does the Bible say about making disciples, right?

Like teaching them everything that I've taught you.

So all of this stuff is, is biblical.

Like it's just, I'm just pulling it from the word.

So it's not like when I was you're like, no, bro, I don't

care about your experiences. Like we're different.

I want to know what what God says And and then also I see the

potential in you. I see where the Lord is leading

you. I see what where he's like has

his thumb on you. Like I could see it.

So there's so I like to say like I could see your blind sides,

you know, like your blinders. And I have people in my life

that do the same thing for me, you know, humble over there.

He sees blinders in my like, he'll like tell me things or

call me out, like I'll ask him hard questions and he I know

that he will tell me the truth, right?

Like he and he does it because he loves me, right?

You know what I mean? So you got to find people that

have your best interests at heart.

Now there's people that don't have your best interests at

heart, unfortunately and and you and you can't go that deep with

them, but if they have your best interests at heart.

And you trust them and you're like, you know what, man?

We're serving the Lord together, you know?

So let. I'm going to listen.

Yeah. So that's, that's real, man.

That's just kind of what this is.

Man, yeah, but that's not like that Holy Spirit beating me up

today. I don't know if you got any

closing thoughts. Taking licks, man, I think my,

my only, my only clothes is man, like I, I'm just trying to get

my words right. You know, if, if the Holy

Spirit's prompting you and this is and, and you feel something

and you know, it's so much better to get out now, right?

Instead of like, you know what? I'm I'm just going to pray a

little bit more. No, say it like I said, save the

heartbreak. Don't waste it.

If you feel it just and just you know what, just cut it, dude.

Because if not, you're going to look down the the line and be

like, man, I should have right? And then think about what God

has for you. That part.

And God's like, I have this amazing helper, this pert, but I

can't because you're over here with this, you know?

And it is, yeah. I'm just waiting for you.

Yeah, bro. But yeah, when you feel that

prompting, you got to jump. You got to just say, yeah, this

ain't it, man. I've been there before and I've

ignored it. I've had people tell me to my

face and I still ignored it. And it was a disaster being

honest. I appreciate that bro.

I know, man. But yeah, but but at the same

time too, like just want to encourage you.

Like this is a great, it's good. Like this is good, you know,

like, just keep going, you know, don't get down.

You're just like, all right, thank you, Lord, just keep

teaching me, keep telling me what I need to do, and I'm going

to do it. That's real bro.

Thank you. Yeah, man, that's cool.

That's all I got, Yeah. Hope this one They hurt you as

much as it hurt me. It encouraged me, but it it

brought back some flashbacks, bro.

No, it's good, man. And then, you know, one day

you're going to be standing while your bride walks down that

aisle and we're going to you're going to remember this combo.

For real. Yeah, so you're going to thank

the Lord. That part.

Right on. Well I see posts we lay our way

out. Peace.